Original subtitles

Who rides for truth? Who rides for justice?

Tonight,

Simon and Simon.

Any moron would pay $5 to see that twinkie. Is it true you accepted $5 ,000

Barnett on the night of the murder? The answer to that question is the only

thing standing between you and the big swing.

Was there another body? I want her found, and I want her dead.

I made a deal with the devil. I put a price tag on the Rough Rider.

Yeah, it ain't much further, Bessie.

Detective, detective.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Royal International Studios wants to thank each and every one of you for

out here today and helping us to kick off the most exciting motion picture of

the year.

And now, I want to introduce you to one of the true towering talents of the

entertainment industry.

A gentleman who's brought us all so many thrills and chills.

and great adventure with such legendary classics of the silver screen as Good

Day for a Legend, The Lonely Saddle, Death Posse. I mean, I could go on all

Folks, standing over here with this lovely, lovely wife, Shelby, one of the

legends of our industry, and one of the few really nice guys, the producer

responsible for launching the return of the Rough Rider, turn by neck.

You got a blockbuster here, Kern.

It's going to be your best picture ever. That won't be difficult.

Ever seen Teenage Mutants from space?

And now, guys, hold on to your hats and your wives, because you're about to see

the exciting debut of an explosive new talent, Blake Hunt, the new Rough Rider.

Folks, I'm a man of few words.

I let my pictures do the talking for me.

But this kid, he's the future.

Now, this is a very special day for me. I had my first success as a producer on

the original TV series of the Rough Riders, Sagebrush.

And I intend...

And they believe in me.

You can't change that. Get the hell out of here, Buck.

You fool.

How could you let a washed up relic like Bucky Anthony make you look like a

yokel fresh off the bus from Des Moines? How the hell did I know that yo -yo was

going to flip out like that? I had a restraining order on him. Then why is he

still wearing the outfit?

He's blown our whole credibility.

Any moron who would pay $5 to see that Twinkie, he ain't worried about

credibility.

Well, those morons are going to see you with egg on your face tonight at 11.

I'm telling you, Kern, if you can't handle a loser like that, I'm beginning

wonder if you're really a winner.

Now you take care of Yancey and do it soon, or else you're going to lose a lot

more than this stupid picture.

And this is only the...

You want to watch this stuff with me?

No, thanks, darling. I'm getting ready for bed. It's only a couple of reels.

I'll be up in a few minutes.

Return of the Rough Riders, scene 10, take 28, mark.

I'm looking for Simon and Simon Investigation.

I was at the office and a young lady gave me this address.

Young lady? Oh, you mean Kathy, the daycare center.

I'm not sure. I found her tied to a tree.

That's her. Yes, hi.

I'm AJ.

This is my brother Rick.

Jonathan Evans.

Hi, nice to meet you. Why don't you come in?

We're just about to make some coffee.

Have a seat.

Well, what can we do for you?

A pal of mine's in a peck of trouble up in L .A., and I want to hire you fellows

to help him out. He was arrested and charged with murder this morning.

I don't believe it.

You told me.

The old prospector.

The rough rider's sidekick.

Guilty as charged.

Wow, hey, how do you do?

Gosh.

Boy, we used to eat a lot of playground dust playing Rough Rider and Toby. Boy,

did we ever.

Big brother wouldn't let me, but I always wanted to be the Rough Rider.

Hey.

Funny, so did I.

Wow.

Well, it's really an honor to have you here.

But I don't suppose nostalgia is going to help your friend.

Who is it?

Well, you already know him. It's Buck Yancey, the Rough Rider.

Hollywood success is like a wild bronc. Once you're up there, you gotta break it

before it throws you out of the golden saddle.

Funny. That's the only beast that Buck couldn't ride. He lost it all. Except

hat. And Barnett was trying to take that away from him.

You see, they was bringing back the Rough Rider in a new movie.

And Barnett... was forcing Buck to take off the hat to make room for his new

star.

Well, the only income that Buck's got is the personal appearances with the

rodeos and the parades and the shopping centers. You take away the hat, what's

he got left?

Do you think he killed him? He had enough reason to.

I haven't seen Buck in a year or so.

And if you want to know the truth, Well, the old prospector and the rider might

have been blood brothers, but Jonathan and Buck was just two guys alongside

other working on an assembly line.

Well, okay, maybe there's more than that.

All I know is Buck needs somebody on his side.

Now, you do the best you can.

He deserves a fair shake.

Okay.

Great Scott.

That's our year.

Well, maybe the old prospector didn't find gold in them there hills on TV, but

when the show folded, I got into real estate, and you might say that I struck

rich in the hills after all. Looks like it.

Hey, good luck.

Thank you. Thank you.

There's no way Buck Yancey killed somebody.

Nah.

I mean, we're talking the Rough Rider here.

The tension is running high in Superior Court No. 6. The irony, the rough rider

in the Hall of Justice.

Everyone here is very anxious.

Oh, wait, here he comes.

Buck! Buck, is it true you accepted $5 ,000 from Barnett on the night of the

murder? No comment.

But were you drinking heavily that night?

No comment. Buck, don't you have anything to say to your thousands of

believe in you?

No comment.

What's wrong?

I don't know. Maybe it's just because he's not up there in a saddle. He's

taller, I'm confused.

You sold a hat for 5 ,000 bucks?

Oh, I tried fighting for it.

Barnett's lawyers got the courts to keep me from wearing in public any longer.

Oh, it ain't right.

But that's the law.

Who rides for justice?

Some Beverly Hills lawyer.

Where did you go after you left Barnett's house last night?

I don't remember.

What do you mean you don't remember?

Well, come on, Buck. We're not just shooting a breeze here. The answer to

question is the only thing standing between you and the big swing.

Maybe you ought to try and remember.

It won't do any good.

Wait a minute. I don't understand. What are you saying?

You blanked out? What happened?

No, you boys don't seem to understand.

You see, I like my bourbon.

I like it a lot.

Oh, man.

Don't you remember anything?

Yeah.

I remember going to Barnett's and picking up my money and then going out

buying my first bottle.

That's all.

Well, you just keep reading, Buck. Maybe there's something else.

All that bourbon couldn't wash out the bad taste you had in your mouth after

swallowed your pride, could it?

Just made you sick of your stomach for selling out the hat.

So you went bang, you killed him.

You say you can't remember. Maybe you don't want to remember.

Maybe you can't face what you were then and what you are now.

Hey, boy.

You haven't been walking this earth long enough for me to finish my story.

Now, it ain't about who I was. It's about who I wanted to be and what I was

trying to say.

Now, to kids like you, none of that has changed.

If I was up there again, I'd be riding that same old trail.

But I had to survive.

I mean, that's the game in this town.

Oh, yeah, there are guys like Barnett who can crown you as a hero today and

spit you out tomorrow.

You know, I was on the packages of breakfast cereals.

Now that's all I can afford to eat some days.

Yeah. Yeah, I took Barnett's money.

So I could survive a little bit longer.

But I didn't kill him.

I had no reason to.

Scott?

What is it?

Out here.

I might not remember what happened last night.

But in here, there'll always be Saturday morning.

We will all miss Kern Barnett.

A lovable giant in the industry.

A man with a heart as big as the silver screen he loves so much.

The man is gone.

But his art lives on.

Barnett, a pioneer in the social consciousness wave of the 40s. Who can

Dangling Booth?

His taught, gripping examination of justice in the Old West.

Films like Pistol Whip, Barnett's classic film noir crime melodramas

are studied in college campuses across the nation.

the award -winning murder at Peyote Springs, and who could forget Nine Foul

Men.

I hate wearing black.

You look sensational in black.

Well, did you find the girl?

Not yet.

Don't worry about it. You have her phone number. Can't you find a way to get an

address from it?

Yeah. Things take time. Damn it, Arnold!

That gives her...

More time to go to the police.

Once she hears Yancey's been charged with murder.

She's not going to the cops.

Chick's a hooker.

Picked her up.

She don't know who I am or where to find me.

I want to know why she didn't show up to pick up her bonus.

Well, no, maybe she's with another client.

Everything has been letter perfect up to this.

But she's the only one who can give Yancey an alibi.

I want her found today.

And I want her dead.

Let's get this over with.

No wonder he got that Utah location so cheap. It was two miles from ground zero

on an atom bomb test.

Nice guy, Kern Barnett.

Thought he was right.

It's one that somebody did in murdering years ago.

Afterwards,

we get up from the couch and he tells me I don't get the part.

He should rot in hell. I wouldn't miss this for anything.

I just wanted to make sure he was dead.

He crossed out my name on the script and he put on his.

Yeah, he told me my dog was run over just to make me cry for the camera.

Aw, it's no good trying to find somebody who wanted to kill him.

That's everybody.

All we need now is an alibi.

Let's see if we can round up some of Buck's friends. Hmm.

Rough rider rides again.

Well, that's what being accused of murder will do for you in Hollywood.

This ain't on the tour of the movie star at home, Jim.

I know, I know, but you look like you would make a wonderful guy to me.

Welcome to the Rough Riders suite.

Police have already been here.

They didn't find anything.

Hey, Rick?

Yeah.

To Buck Yancey, a great American hero, Dwight D.

Eisenhower. What?

Hey, what are you boys looking for anyhow?

Alibi for Buck for the night of the murder.

Well, lots of luck.

Hey, I got a great idea for you. Try the drunk tank.

Oh? Yeah, he's a regular.

Only makes it back here about half the time.

Or sometimes he sleeps on that bench down at the bus stop.

From the White House to the drunk tank.

Yeah.

He was a real big shot once.

Now he's just shot.

Hey, I used to be in pictures, too, you know. Really?

I need a list of any of Buck's friends that you can think of.

Oh, his horse, that's all.

Of course, there's old Barney, you know, down the block at the map stand.

There's a real good friend of Buck's, especially when Buck doesn't owe Barney

any money.

A .J., you're not going to believe this.

Why don't you try it on?

On you, it'll look good.

Nobody wears his hat but Buck.

Marge remains double.

In the long shots, mostly musicals. I was a much better dancer than Margie.

I'm sure you were. So anyway... Oh, anyway, Buck was here last night, about

8 .30.

Didn't stay too long.

He only came back to pay me some money he owed me.

I run a sort of a bank.

Only for friends, you understand.

Then he went on to the Broken Saddles.

Broken Saddles?

Oh, that's a saloon about three blocks east.

Oh, I remember. He was supposed to come back later and pick up this.

He left his Emmy Award here?

Collateral. All the best banks have it.

Guys, it isn't worth a dime.

Thank you.

can get you to the front of the line of a Carson show.

That sounds lovely, but actually, we're looking for some information.

We're trying to establish an alibi for Buck Yancey for the night of the murder.

Don't look like no coppers to me.

Um, private eye.

I hate private eye.

You replaced all the westerns on the TV.

I used to be in pictures, you know.

Yeah, yeah.

Buck was in here last night. We all were.

Well, how long did he stay?

Oh, about two bottles.

But he was sharing them with a high -class hooker.

What, he came in here with a hooker?

No, she were already here.

Got a place that's a princess in the cattle drive.

We don't often get ladies of that kind around here.

But you're sure she was on a meter?

Oh, she was a hooker, all right.

Her pimp brought her in here, set her up at the bar.

Guys were hitting on her all night.

She's not interested.

Then old Buck comes in, buys her a drink.

Next thing you know, they're getting real friendly over there in the corner.

I saw them leave together.

Have you seen her since?

No, but her pimp's been looking for her. He's been in here a couple times

already.

Let's just stick around and have a couple more drinks.

You don't like lawmen.

Don't pay him no never mind.

He never played anything but a secondary supporting gunslinger and couldn't

remember his lines.

Nobody could learn a script as fast as I could.

Do you think you're faster than me?

A little girl with pigtails is cross -eyed faster than me.

and you might be able to introduce me to that nice little blonde thing who was

in here last night.

There's your friend over here dressed like the vice squad. Oh, yeah?

Conventionaire.

There's an optometrist from Cleveland.

Come on, what do you say?

A little blonde that could open his eyes up.

You going to be seeing her?

Why'd the guy take off?

Maybe he didn't think it was a good idea to hit me in the head with a bottle.

Guess he didn't want anyone coming around as blonde.

If he's a pimp, that's a strange way of drumming up business.

You mean to say I was with some beautiful blonde and I don't even

That hardly seems fair.

Dammit, Buck, you were with a beautiful blonde hooker. She wasn't any hooker.

Oh, oh, I see. That you remember.

That's right. Yeah.

How can you be sure?

Because I didn't pay for it.

You positive?

Listen, no matter how much I drank, that I'd remember. I'd remember that always.

Well, then, if the guy at the broken saddle wasn't her pimp, he must be

for her just as hot and heavy as we are.

Say, do you boys mind filling me in on this?

They used to call it dry gulching.

We're guessing that our man paid this girl to keep you out of sight while the

murder took place.

Oh, a set up, huh?

Man's worst enemy, vanity.

I should have known that that pretty little thing wouldn't be interested in

old coot like me.

Set me up.

You know, my gut kind of told me that when that fella called and told me he

from the... studio, and he was going to invite me to that publicity thing. Who?

Wait a minute. Somebody called you?

What was the name?

I guess I should have asked, huh?

No, he said he was from the studio, and it had been a long time since I heard

from them. I just didn't think to ask.

All right.

Well,

let's get back to the blonde.

Now, she had to have a last name. Now, I've seen you, Buck. Whenever you meet a

lady, you always call them Miss, and this was Miss... By dang, you're right.

Yeah, after a while her name was Miss Elsa.

Yeah, yeah, but in the beginning it was Miss... Miss, Miss, something German

like one of the classical music fellas.

Ah, Mozart.

No. Beethoven.

No. Welk.

Wagner.

Brahms. Brahms.

Brahms? I'm not so sure.

Like Brahms.

Yeah. Okay, now, all right, where'd you take the girl?

I don't remember.

Don't remember.

Where'd you wake up?

By a pool.

A lounge chair.

The Orange Tower's apartment.

An E block.

Could be Elsa.

302.

Not there.

Yes? Hi, it's me.

Who's me?

Oop, sorry. Wrong apartment.

Bingo.

Not acceptable anymore.

His American Express card has been canceled.

This is Mr. Smith again.

I have to talk to you. It's very important.

I'm waiting at the same place.

Mr. Smith sounds very nervous.

Wouldn't you be?

If the only person who could identify you in a murder case were missing?

You know, she's going to be in a lot of trouble if he gets to her before we do.

Uh -huh.

What do you got?

Raccoon Boutique.

Guess it pays to advertise.

Tell you what.

You go buy something nice for Mom.

I'm going to find a cozy spot outside and see if she comes home.

See you later.

I'll meet you back here. Right.

You have very good taste.

That's a Meiling design from Austria.

Oh, it's lovely.

It's only $25.

Well, actually, I was hoping I could see Elsa. Is she around?

No.

Does she know you?

Oh, yes. I'm Andy Simon from San Diego. We're old friends, if you know what I

mean.

Yes, well, I don't know where she is right now.

But we have several other lovely sales reps that could help you.

No, I like Elsa's personal taste.

Yes. She loves the mailing design, too.

Well, I expect her very soon.

She has plans for tonight.

Perhaps if you're free a little later this afternoon.

Yes, that'd be fine.

Then I'll have her meet you at the Beverly Lounge.

Say, 3 .30?

Great.

Um, how are you going to pay for the scarf?

Cash or charge?

Charge. Fine.

Let's see, with tax, that'll be $175.

Thank you.

I brought you a big present, Tiger.

The guy walked into me. What was I supposed to do?

All right, tie him up and gag him.

I'll buzz you when I get there with the limo.

And Arnold, for God's sake, stay cool.

I'll take care of everything.

Yeltsin?

Who is that?

Who is it?

My neighbor Elsa.

Was there anyone else?

Was there anyone else? Was there another body? No, no.

Influenced by the thousands of letters and telegrams flooding in from across

country, a L .A. County judge has reduced the bail set for Buck Yancey,

rough rider.

He's charged with the murder. Oh, wait, here he comes. Buck, Buck, we're live

here. Buck, the rumor has it that your bail was paid by your old friend and

former psychic, Jonathan Evans. Is it true?

Mm -hmm. And it's not the first time Toby has saved the rider.

Buck, can you tell us how you feel right now?

Well, I tell you, it feels mighty good that these people still have faith in

only the rough rider, but Buck Yancey, too.

Now, if you'll excuse me, there's something I gotta do. Well, can you tell

what it is?

I'm gonna change my way of living.

Let it out.

I always knew I'd find a use for that snake.

When it's over, we'll dump him way out in the desert.

Barney. Hi, Buck.

Barney. Barney, you've got to do me a favor for old times.

You've got to give me another loan.

Oh, come on, Buck.

You know the rules. You do this to me every time. I'm tired of supplying you

bottles to hide in. Not this time, honest.

I give you my word of honor.

I made a deal with the devil.

I put a price tag on the rough rider.

He said I'd never wear the hat again.

Barnett made me sign a contract, gave me $5 ,000.

And you want to buy it back.

I can't sleep with myself unless I do.

You see, but I'm 50 greenback shy.

50 bucks to beat the devil?

That's too good a deal to pass up.

Let me get my old money out here.

Okay, sweetheart, here we go.

40.

45.

50. And five on me. Take a cab.

No, thanks.

I got my own transportation.

Bye -bye, Buck. Bye.

Thanks, Monty. Okay, everybody, come on, get your maps to Moviesville town.

Oh.

Why don't you go down and check on him? Look, let's not rush it.

I'm not so anxious to go down to the cellar with the snake.

Are you all right?

Yeah.

Did he bite you?

Yeah.

Kind of. It's a little like getting bit by a kitten, though.

Barnet must have had its poison glands removed.

I've been lying here playing possum.

Well?

Let's go.

The snake bit me.

Need a little help here.

Is this the gun you used to kill your husband?

And I'll kill you, too.

You want to take care of the errand boy? Don't worry. There's no rush. I've

locked the driveway.

Huh. My kind of guy.

Do we want to leave her in here with the snake? Let the snake look out for

himself.

I bet we probably ought to go round him up. Hey, it's Buck.

What's he doing here? I don't know, but he got here just in the nick of time.

Should we stop him?

Nah, just leave one for the rough rider.

for justice.