All language subtitles for simon_simon_s01e05_the_least_dangerous_game

What's he eating?

Don't they feed him at night?

Yeah.

Oh, no, not again.

Yeah, again. Now what happens is it
answers the phone, beeps, and then shuts

before you can leave a message.

Pound cake?

I was talking about the pound cake.
That's the third time in two weeks.

Did I ask for a show of hands for the
breakfast menu, huh?

Well, at least it's improving. It's
better than Mom's. Yeah, well, it is

Oh. She stopped by. She wants us to come
to dinner tonight.

Is this Sunday?

No. Oh, that means she's dating again.

Yeah.

Thank you for calling Simon and Simon
Investigations.

Our staff is not in the office at the
moment, but you can leave a message for

when you hear the beep.

Please leave your name and telephone
number, and we will get back to you just

soon as we can.

Thank you.

Morning, AJ.

How'd you know it was me?

Because you're recording sexier?

Oh, yeah.

Besides, I know your machine's broken. I
took a message for you yesterday.

I was watering your plants. That's
somebody from the zoo.

No, well, we already gave it the office.
Thank you. No, they want to talk to you

about a job.

You're supposed to meet Mr.

Fry in the administrative offices at 11
o 'clock this morning.

Can you make it?

Oh, gee, well, we'll have to shift a lot
of stuff around here, but, uh, yeah,

I'll squeeze it in. I mean, after all,
this is who.

Hey, thank you. You know you ought to
water our plants more often.

No, you should.

I'll talk to you later, okay?

Bye -bye. Bye -bye.

What was that about?

Nothing.

Derek Fry at the zoo? About a job?

Not Fred.

For them?

Now, Daddy.

Derek Fry is a large brother of mine.

You mean he called them and not me? And
you gave them the message?

Now, Daddy, look, you're getting all
upset about nothing. There's

Oh, wait a minute.

What's happening here? My friends hired
the competition?

My own daughter takes bread out of the
mouths of her children? Daddy, I don't

have any children.

In fact, I'm not married, remember?

Well, you keep hanging around with them,
and you never will be.

You know, there is room in San Diego for
two detective agencies.

No, there isn't.

J .J. Yo.

Bet you can't remember the last time we
went to the zoo. Hey, come on. You stole

me five bucks for Hoplone's horse last
week. Yeah, but that was a trick

question. Now, when was the last time we
went to the zoo? Are you kidding?

Cubs got 10 -48. I had my bobcat, and
you were going for your wolf badge.

Den mother.

Mr. Schneider.

Twerk. All right.

Now, five bucks says you can't come up
with a kid who had to leave early

he was pitching pennies to kangaroos.
Oh.

Come on.

Delay again.

Delay again.

Hold on. Hold on. I can see his saddle
shoes.

Jimmy Dunbar. Wrong. Toby Short.

Okay. So who's the big kid who got
busted for climbing onto Monkey Island?

Double or nothing?

Well, as you can see, a zoo isn't all
popcorn and chattering monkeys.

Who was he?

David Howell.

An employee in charge of feeding the big
cats.

And did his job right to the very end.

Now, just so we have an understanding,
several other members of the board

this investigation. I did not. I was
overruled.

But so you know, if you do anything to
harm the reputation of this zoo...

You'll find it extremely difficult to
get work again Always nice to kick

off. We'll vote confidence I'm sure you
have no need to worry. Mr. Frye When did

this happen two days ago?

So far we've managed to keep it out of
the papers. The police have had an

investigation. So have the insurance
carriers Accidental death, of course, it

was accidental We just have to find a
way to explain it You see, David Howell

was an experienced keeper, and the line
was a model citizen for five years.

I think that we might look into David
Howell's private life, perhaps. There

a personal problem.

Drugs, drinking, anything that can
explain how it happened, if you

meaning. Yeah, yeah, I think so.

Let me just ask you, though, do you have
any preference here?

Drug abuse, alcoholism, animal
husbandry?

If you gentlemen don't feel that you can
handle this case, well, I'm sure there

are other agencies that can. I want the
right kind of results.

Just out of curiosity, Mr. Fry, what
happens if he didn't have any personal

problems? I'm sure you'll find
something.

Well, was there anything in the autopsy
to indicate, say, intoxication?

There wasn't enough left of the body to
perform an autopsy.

Now, if you gentlemen are ready to start
earning your fees...

Do we have an understanding, Mr. Simon?

Oh, yes. What you want is a little
discreet character assassination.

Let me put it this way.

My family has been supporting this
institution for two generations with

extensive contributions.

I will do anything necessary to protect
it.

Anything.

I just wanted to tell you that I don't
agree with Mr. Fry.

When you work with animals, some of
their instincts rub off.

There's just something wrong about this.

It just never should have happened.

David knew the lion was ill. The lion
was sick?

No, we were just about ready to send him
off to a research clinic.

I was treating him for meningitis.

I don't know, he probably would have
died anyway, but when an animal injures

someone, we have him destroyed.

It's like losing a friend in Leo's case.

Funny thing is, these people will never
know the difference.

I'll just wait for us to acquire another
line.

Well, I've got rounds.

Let me know if I can be of any help,
okay?

Yeah.

Thank you.

Alan Gray.

Alan Gray?

What? The kid on Monkey Island.

Alan Gray.

Wrong. What? Wrong. It was Alan Gray. It
was not. He wasn't even along that day.

He had chicken pox, remember?

Five bucks a month.

You're really asking for it, aren't you?
Five bucks.

Five bucks?

I'll spot you a minute or two and I'll
make you call. What did you say the

name was?

Leon Mendoza. That means I'd better
bring our favorite bureaucrat out of

retirement. Art Sanchez?

Oh, come on.

Oh, Art nearly got me busted the last
time I went fishing. Don't worry, this

will give you good cover. Here he's got
a fancy new position with a building

inspector's office.

Great.

You've got an apartment for rent.

Well, the guy's stuff is still in there,
and they haven't come to get it yet.

And I'm really not supposed to... Would
it be all right if I just take a quick

look around?

Yeah, I guess it'll be all right. Great.
What happened? Did you get transferred

or something?

Something like that.

This guy was really into animals, wasn't
he?

His stuff ought to be out of here in a
few days

How

come he's moving

Business I guess he was a nice guy
quiet. No trouble Listen, that's for me.

Hold on. I'll be right back. Sure. Hey,
no problem. Take time

Mendoza, manager of the Del Capri
Apartments on Cabrillo Avenue?

Yes. Hi, this is Art Sanchez with the
Municipal Building Code Office.

Yeah, we're preparing for some on -site
inspections, and I'm going to have to

ask you a few questions.

Okay, now let's move on to Erica. Are we
talking about central refrigeration

here?

Okay, now the code states that you've
got to have one parking space for each

unit. We already have two.

Well, yeah, two is better.

This won't take much longer, Mr.

Mendoza, and from the way it looks, I'm
not even going to have to send a man out

there to poke around your place at all.

Nah.

Listen, can you hold on for just a
second? My other line's ringing.

Okay, now let me just go down my list
here and see if I missed anything, okay?

Oh, yeah, let's talk termites. Could I
have the date of your last inspection,

please?

going to get it juiced up for you. Oh,
great. Okay, well, plumbing looks

terrific to me.

Sure, we do everything by the code
around here.

In fact, we just got a stamp of approval
from the building inspector.

Really?

Thanks again.

You bet.

Surprise, surprise.

Uh -oh.

Yeah, looks like Mr. Howell did have a
little problem with drugs. You're

kidding.

No. Oh, what is this, PCP? You ever hear
of anybody shooting PCP?

Well, we'll get an analyst to find out.

You know, it's awfully nice of Mr.
Howell to make it all so easy for us,

it?

Now,

if you were a cop...

Yeah? You were searching a man's
apartment.

Wouldn't you look under the bottoms of
the drawers? Yeah. Uh -huh. And if you

found a bottle with some funny little
pink pills in it, wouldn't you take it?

Of course I would. All right.

So?

It's phony. Yeah.

Obviously we're being set up. I mean,
somebody put the pills in the syringes

there for us to find.

Oh! Oh!

Foul! A foul.

That was clean.

Now, obviously we're discussing Mr. Fry
from the zoo here. Am I correct?

What does he think we are, stupid or
something? No, he thinks we're greedy.

Checks around town, finds out that we
need the business.

He figures we'll take a quick buck and
keep our mouth shut, right?

Open and shut situation.

Question is, what is it that he's trying
to cover up?

Well,

we're not being paid to find out what
he's trying to cover up.

Yeah, I know.

We're being paid to do his dirty work
for him.

Pass the buns, please.

And the butter, please, Andy.

Thank you.

Mom, do you know a guy named Derek Fry?

Wasn't he married to one of the Lennox
twins?

Oh, no, no, no. That was Ed Randall.
You're thinking about Evie Parker.

But she only dated Fry.

You're right. She had just divorced Bob
Gordon and hadn't met Lyle Hughes yet.

Was that before or after Lyle's nervous
breakdown?

Oh, it had to be before. She caused it,
remember?

Could we get back to Derek Fry for just
a second?

Who?

Derek Fry. You remember the guy who only
dated E .B. Parker?

Oh, sorry. I only know him by
reputation.

Well, what's his reputation?

Rich.

Old money.

Inherited.

Spends all his time spending it.

You know, things like charities, civic
projects.

Why are you fellas asking?

Oh, we're doing some work for him. For
the zoo, really.

Oh, that's right. The zoo is his pet
project.

Yeah, he serves on the board free of
charge.

Donates a million dollars a year to it.
What are you doing for the zoo?

It's confidential, Mom.

Results are ready.

Actually, I'm afraid not, Mr. Fry.

We searched Howell's apartment yesterday
and... Well?

Come up dry.

Well... I just thought we ought to let
you know. Yeah, you know, in case you

any other suggestions.

Am I supposed to do your jobs for you?

I'm paying you for results.

Oh, well, we'll get the results.

It's just, you know... When a man has
personal problems, it's usually the

at work that know something about it. We
were just thinking that maybe you could

tell the personnel here at the zoo that
we're from the poor side of your family

and get us a couple jobs here.

I think we can do that. What kind of job
did you have in mind?

Relaxing drink.

Yes, room service.

Come on, I'm not dead. Look at all those
washings we've got for you today.

Once they get to know you. Yeah.

Great. How well did they know the guy
who got killed the other day?

Howell? Yeah.

The question is, how well did he get to
know them?

He didn't catch me in the same room with
those sick lions.

That cat was running a fever.

He's being treated by the vet for it.

Emotions. Didn't Howell know that?

Yeah.

But he went in two hours after shift.

Some people around here are wilder than
the animals.

Quiet and move in a little closer and
get a better look.

This is Dr.

Sawyer, our veterinarian.

Dr. Sawyer, would you like to tell us a
little bit about your patient there?

Yes, I'd love to.

This is Ronnie.

And Ronnie is about ten months old.

And we had to bring him in here because
his mother couldn't feed him.

But if he keeps drinking his milk and
taking his vitamins, he'll grow up to be

big, strong chimpanzee.

Okay.

If we go back down the hall now, you can
all see what happens when a leopard

breaks its leg.

Okay?

I need a favor.

If you could tell me what was in there,
and if you could tell me what these are.

I think I can do that. Where'd you get
them?

David Howell's apartment.

And I need another favor. For the time
being, let's just keep it between us,

okay?

Better get back to my little monkeys.

Kids.

Did you want to see me, Mr. Fry?

Come in, Kramer.

I thought I told you to plant those
pills in Hal's apartment.

Did? Did you?

Well, I went ahead and hired detectives
who went to the apartment and found

nothing. That's impossible.

I made it so easy, you couldn't have
missed it.

All they had to do was find the PCP and
trace it back to the vest office where

Howell stole it in the first place. I
want you to find a way to get rid of

two.

Manufacture an incident, give me an
excuse to fire them and shut that board

If this backfires on me one more time,
don't worry.

1 ,500 different species of birds from
around the globe, including

100 races of the parrot family, a world
of waterfowl, and

many more of our exotic feathered
friends.

On our left, a grouping of African and
Asiatic elephants, and if you look

closely, you will see a white -bearded
new and the cringier

doryx.

Up ahead, you can see one of our skilled
attendants preparing their lunch.

Okay, we'll stop here for a minute.

For those of you who want to take some
pictures, maybe, please, save some for

the reptile house.

time. Oh, come on. I offered to flip you
for it. Yeah, well, you knew I couldn't

remember all that garbage.

Well, I figure I have to memorize all
that garbage so it makes us just about

even. Yeah, well, we're gonna get even
more even when we split the check for

this job.

Yeah, well, just keep track of your
hours. That's all. Yeah, I'm already

that one.

Hey!

You wanna know those feedbacks today?

I was thinking about it.

Good!

Because when you finish here, there's a
couple of gorillas over there who

wouldn't mind seeing you.

That's a new attraction for you.

North American jerk.

It's a real jungle out here.

Come up with anything?

Yeah. Got a little steak joint I want
you to see tonight.

Whew.

a reservation?

My paperwork says that all the cats
consume the normal amount of meat last

That's just about 10 pounds per day per
cat.

Those records are kept by whoever does
the feeding, right?

Five pounds of meat they consume, they
get one of these.

This is a processed food supplement.

Contains all the nutritional
requirements to keep a big cat healthy.

vitamins, minerals, like that.

That's swell, Mr. Wizard.

Yeah, but there are ten more of those
packages in there than there ought to

That's five days' worth. So what? The
cat was thick. He probably wasn't eating

right. Aha, yeah. Well, according to the
records from the meat locker, he was

eating right.

According to what's in there, he wasn't.

Now, nobody in his right mind is going
to walk into a cage with a hungry lion,

especially not one that's been starved
for five days.

So either Howell wasn't in his right
mind and was high on PCPs... Yeah, or he

checked these records, figured the lion
was eating all right, walked in there

and got one big surprise.

In which case, he was murdered.

Yeah.

You don't look like a bear.

Yeah, I look like a bear.

Hey, what do you think you're doing?

It says don't feed the animals.

Then don't feed the animals. Just beat
it.

Mister, there's a bear behind you.
Listen, kid, you better get out of here

before I take those peanuts and shove
them...

What's it worth to you?

Five bucks.

Nope, ten.

Okay, ten. Let's go.

We're now approaching bear country,
which is currently being remodeled.

When it is finished, it will be one of
the most fascinating outdoor

ever created for these creatures.

Okay, well, on your next visit, you will
be able to see the North American

grizzly...

A

little help here?

Stay there. I'll be right back.

I'm not moving.

Excuse me. Excuse me, please.

What did you do to yourself?

Would you hold still?

Rick, let me see the other one.

What happened? Easy. Oh, he was shitting
up and down trees.

You know, I think I finally got this
thing fixed. We got a message.

This is Mr. Fry's office at the zoo
calling.

He's asked me to give you the following
message.

I did not hire you to turn our
institution into a circus.

Unrecommended. Recommendation of legal
counsel, I am terminating your

without pay since you have demonstrated
no ability to deliver results.

You'll be getting a letter to this
effect.

Thank you and have a nice day.

Ouch.

AJ,

I'm going to go fishing. You want to
come?

got a call from derrick fry we've got
the zoo assignment that's wonderful

you know you two really stepped in at
this time fry's got a lot of contacts in

san diego you two just might be out of
business

on second thought i will go fishing let
me get my stuff

I think you'd better come to my lab as
soon as possible.

It was PCP, animal tranquilizer.

And it was used on an animal, Leo.

There was lion tissue embedded in the
needle.

But a dose that large would have made
Leo sick. Now, why would Hal want to do

that? What kind of sick?

High fever, convulsions, reduced
appetite, weight loss.

I just lost a panther to it six months
ago. And Leo was developing the same

symptoms. A lion and a panther with the
same disease? Isn't that unusual?

Uh, who was in charge of feeding the
panther? Was that Harold?

Yes.

I think I'm starting to get the picture.

Yeah, me too.

I've been with her for an open hour.

Then bring them out here.

Oh, they don't want to come.

Then do what you have to do.

I need a private talk.

Make sure Sawyer doesn't know. Now,
look, she can be trouble.

I've already covered that.

The zoo's about to get a new
veterinarian.

You bet.

See, Fry planted the pills for us to
find, but he didn't plant the syringes.

Hal was injecting Leo with enough PCP to
duplicate the symptoms of meningitis.

But there was only one problem. That PCP
was stolen seven months ago, and in a

liquid form, it has a very short shelf
life.

So it went bad.

Well, that means that Howell wasn't
murdered. It was just an accident.

I mean, he went in thinking that Leo was
too tranquil to attack him.

Yeah, got exactly what he deserved.

Here it is.

Look at these.

The two autopsy reports from the Kenner
Foundation are identical, but no mention

of PCP in either the Panther or the
Lion.

What is the Kenner Foundation?

It's a research clinic. It's non -profit
and loosely associated with the zoo.

It must be pretty loose, because
whatever the hell's going on here, these

are part of it.

Oh, I can't believe that.

The foundation was set up by the Fry
family years ago.

Fry? Derek Fry?

Well, it was created by his father, but
I'm sure he's in charge of it now.

I'm getting very frightened by all of
this.

Well, I think you have very good reason
to be.

And I think it's time you and I had a
little talk with Mr Fry.

Yep.

You've been shot with a tranquilizer,
Doc.

You've been drugged. You're going to
have to be quiet. You understand me?

Shut up.

Are you going to be quiet?

Quiet.

Hey, Rick.

Why'd you hit that guy that danced?

Shut up.

He was only dancing with her.

Huh? Boy, Dad's going to be mad at us
when we get home.

Shut

up.

Did you see the face of the guy who got
the water balloon? He's convertible.

If you don't shut up, I'm going to tell
Dad what you did to old man Edward Rose,

Pat.

I gotta get up from my paper route.

Maybe he'll only eat.

little creep you finked on me.

What's going on?

Can you walk? I think so.

Look, we got to make a run for that
tram. I feel like I'm playing at 33 and

third. You better speed it up to 78.

Hey, Rick, drop me off at Barbie
Herman's on the way home.

Barbie Herman's married and has four
kids.

But she's only a freshman.

Oh, wonderful.

Retracting attention.

Try explaining this to the cops.

Grand theft zoo trap.

Just to get a grip. Where is that lousy
microphone?

Ladies and gentlemen, support your local
zoo.

Yes, it's our annual fun drive, and
we're taking to the streets to pass the

on to kids of all ages.

The zoo.

needs you.

Hi, folks. Come on in to the zoo and see
the North American grizzly bear.

Like the song says, it's all happening
at the zoo.

Looking for a cheap date?

Try the zoo.

You don't have to wait in line for
romance and adventure.

Yeah, okay. We'll be there in half an
hour.

Yeah. Bye.

How long was I out of it last night?

16 years. Here you go. Put your act
together. We got a date with Dr. Sawyer.

Mom! Gotta pay a little visit to the
Kenner Foundation.

Hey, Mom, can we borrow the car?

Let's go.

Bye, Mom.

A stolen zoo vehicle parked in front of
your house. There is?

There certainly is.

How do you suppose it got there,
officer?

I was about to ask you the same
question.

Well, I didn't leave it there.

i've been here a few times before the
clinic is in the back of the building

Listen, there's something going into
that truck I think you ought to take a

at. Come on.

It's Leo.

I kind of thought it was.

Yeah, but he's supposed to be dead. You
saw the autopsy report.

I get a weird feeling if we don't do
something pretty fast, he's going to be

dead. What?

Ah, look, you're going to have to follow
that truck.

Whenever he gets to where it's going,
you call the cops.

Yeah, but where are you going to be?

With him.

Come on.

Okay, he's all yours. You can take him
away.

Is that thing drugged?

Nope.

Better be careful.

I help you, ma 'am?

Excuse me, I was just curious.

Who lives here?

This is the Fry estate.

Don't do it, Mr.

Kramer. Now, you might get one shot off
before that cat was all over your boss,

but there's nothing bad about a wounded
lion, now, is there?

Why don't you just lock that thing up
again?

Why don't you tell your friend Kramer to
put his gun down?

Do as he says.

What? I got a clear shot here.

Do it.

Everybody except Mr. Fry here, just back
off nice and easy.

No way for the animal to get out.

Just a matter of time before the great
white hunter makes his kill. Right,

Brian?

How much is it going to cost me to keep
you two quiet?

Oh.

Oh, I wish you'd made an offer sooner.
It looks like it's a little late now.

Are these from the zoo?

We should have kept you with this, too,
where you belong.

We just came over to take care of your
share of the fee.

Well, how much?

Daddy, we can't accept anything. We
didn't even assign anyone to the case.

I was handling it personally.

I sort of figured you were. You were our
subcontractor, you might say, right?

You realize you have to report this on
your income tax?

Okay. Well, now, what we did was we
designed a formula based on the maximum

amount of time that you had since Fry
hired you and divided by the amount of

time it took us. successfully conclude
the investigation.

It came to $7 and change.

But, why quibble over car fare?

It's making it even eight.

Real pleasure having you aboard, Myron.
We'd like to have you work for us again

sometime real soon. There you go. Thanks
again.

Oh, um, can you hold on to that for
about ten days?

Thank you.

I know the meaning of amigo.

We're not alike, yet everybody we know
knows we're more than brothers. We're

best of friends.

We may not look or think like one
another, and there are times when we

each other.

Still, we're more than brothers. We're
best of friends.