Original subtitles

Say, how about this?

Wanted gravediggers, good salary, applied... No, no, too, too morbid. Too

to marry you.

Hey,

here's one.

Wanted waiters, free uniforms, free transportation, free lunches, free

quarters, and free cigarettes.

Oh, boy, free cigarettes.

What, no matches?

I wouldn't work for that piker.

He's right.

He's probably the kind of guy who would put water in a soup.

Water in a soup.

That reminds me, I'm hungry.

Me too.

Me three. Let's eat.

What do we got?

Nice soup from a nice juicy bone.

Smells like a dead horse.

Why, you numbskull.

We sent you to the butcher shop for meat, not to the glue factory.

He's trying to poison us, that's what.

You get out of this house before I split your head open from ear to ear, you

Lucretia Borgia. If that means what I think it does. So what?

So I'll go.

Hey, Larry, look.

Goodbye, fellas.

Wait a minute, kid.

We were only fooling.

Gee, really?

Yeah. Haven't we always shared everything you ever owned? Sign me. By

didn't you say your last name was Link?

You don't know my name is Curly Q. Link.

What's the Q stand for? Quincy? No. Quillip? No. What does the Q stand for?

Cuff. Oh, Cuff Link.

Didn't you once tell me you were born in Oxford?

I don't remember. I was born awfully young.

Think hard.

Concentrate. Didn't you say you had an uncle?

Yeah, Uncle Baba Link, but the family didn't speak to him. He had millions.

That's it. We're rich. We're filthy with dough. You're filthy without it.

Look, sponge head, I ain't kidding. You're rich. You're a millionaire.

You're in the dough. You're swimming in filthy logger. You're in the moolah,

kid. I am? Yeah.

Then why am I bothering you two hobos?

Oh, snob, eh?

A double cross.

Oh, wait a minute. Can't I be a millionaire without you two guys?

No.

That's all I want to know.

Let's go and get the dough.

Let's go and get the moolah. Go and get the moolah. Go and get the moolah. Go

and get the moolah. Go and get the moolah.

for this kid. Yeah.

Look at those Hermitunionian rugs.

Is that what they are?

What a beautiful place.

Reminds me of the...

ain't gonna be no Will Redd. Then what are we here for?

You're here because Professor Bob O 'Link didn't die. He was murdered.

Murdered? Murdered.

And his body disappeared.

It's absurd. You don't think we did it?

Well, maybe you didn't, maybe you didn't, but you're not leaving here till

find out, see?

Besides, some of you are still missing.

I beg your pardon.

Who are you?

I'm missing Link.

No, I'm the found Link. No, no, no. Quiet.

What's the matter with you?

Who are you?

Don't tell me you haven't heard of Link, Mink, and Pink.

Never heard of them. What do they do?

We're in the sausage business.

Link sausage, Mink sausage, and Pink sausage.

Easy,

Clyde.

And they stole the will. My money.

Come on, get out of here.

You don't want to see this.

Nobody enter that room or touch anything.

You fellas guard the door.

Aye, aye, sir.

Where's the phone?

Over there.

There's been another murder at 111 Riverside Drive.

Yes, I'll file a complete report later.

Yes, sir. These people are staying all night. Give them rooms. Yes, sir. Take

the south room, please.

You take the north room, please. Oh, dear, we don't want to stay here.

Well, get going.

This way, please.

to put out the lights.

Come this way.

I

wouldn't

go into that room if I were you.

That was the master's laboratory.

Laboratory? Yes.

He was a chemist. Made his experiments in there.

This room gives me the creeps.

Poor Mr.

Link. He was murdered in this room, on the very spot on which you're standing.

Now!

What's the matter with you, Lunghead?

And then the master's body disappeared.

Do you have to keep reminding me?

Sorry. Good night, gentlemen.

I hope you'll have a nice long sleep.

Thanks, Dracula.

We might as well go to bed.

Suppose the murderer comes back again. Shut up. You've got nothing to worry

about. If he stabs you in the head, he'll wreck his knife.

And don't say murderer anymore, will you?

What's the idea of going to bed with your clothes on? I want to be ready in

something happens.

Oh, a fraidy cat.

Yeah.

Blow out the candle.

Oh, no.

Then it'll be dark in here. I'm scared.

I might see a ghost.

Blow it out, I said, or I'll blow out your brains.

Or a reasonable facsimile thereof.

Reasonable facsimile. All right.

Hey, hey.

What happened? Wake up and go to sleep.

Or facsimile thereof.

Come on. Shut up.

Hey,

Mo.

What's the matter? The door, it opened by itself.

You're crazy. The wind probably blew it open. Now go on to sleep.

What's the matter this time? I hear somebody groaning. The place is full of

spooks.

Let's turn on the light. The kid will look under the bed.

Okay, if you promise to go to sleep. Oh, I promise. Honestly, I do. I promise.

Okay.

Get up.

I'll show you. There's nothing around here.

Show me.

Hold the light down here.

I don't understand why you should get so spooky just because a guy got croaked

in this room.

Now look under there.

Yeah? There's a mattress.

And a spring.

And a bedstead. And a few termites.

I don't see no termites.

Well, look under here. I'll start again.

There's a spring.

A bedstead.

And some bed slats.

There's a rug.

And a mattress. Whoa, whoa. And a few termites. Whoa, whoa.

A skeleton.

What's the matter with you? If you don't stop seeing things, I'm going to gouge

your eyes out.

Now, there's nothing around here, you understand?

Here, take a good look under the bed. There's nothing there but a mattress and

spring. And there's some slats.

Hello. It's a fine time to be alone.

There it is. It spoke to me again.

It's walking around.

The spook spoke.

Hey, what's going on around here?

There's a hideous ghost walking around with its head in its hands. Where?

There's nothing over there. Where?

It went behind a chair. I saw it.

Once and for all, we'll show you there's no ghost behind chairs.

Hey, is there?

Go on, you guys go first. I'll be right behind you.

Now, come on. There's nothing to be afraid of. I won't sneak up. I'll handle

whole situation.

Shh.

Where? Behind there.

Oh, I can't look at this. I can.

I can.

No!

You'll burn me up.

Get out of the way.

I'll find this thing.

Skeletons. Bunk, that's what.

Skeleton with little feet, eh?

What?

Stop it!

Go on back there in the bed. Stop it!

Breaking up my sleep. If you so much as breathe, I'll tear your tonsils out and

tie it around your neck for a bow tie.

Get in there!

Out to the edge now.

You're a sleepwrecker.

Go to sleep.

I tell you, I saw a ghost.

Ghosts, spooks, skeletons, kid stuff.

There are no such things as ghosts.

I didn't hit you on the head yet.

Now go to sleep.

Mo,

he's right. It's a ghost. It's right there.

Oh,

you too, eh? I'm going to have trouble with you.

Well, let me give you a little advice.

What? Now go on. Go to sleep before I murder you.

You got some nambulas?

seen it with my own eyes, and I wouldn't believe it. Not even for big comf. That

was like me. I ain't scared.

But let's get the heck out of here.

Yeah.

It's locked.

There must be a key. See if we can find it. Yeah. All locks got keys.

Let's see if we can find the key.

all excited and tired and i can't i see i'll have to take action why

Listen, mister. Yeah, this joint's haunted. Haunted, my eye.

Now, don't give me any more trouble.

Don't shake. Take it easy.

Section 18.

To my niece, Liza Link, I leave $1 ,250 ,000.

To my nephew, Curly Q Link... That's me! That's me!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How much? How much? To my nephew, Curly Q Link, I leave a sum

total of 67 cents net.

67... 67 cents!

67 cents!