Original subtitles

Don't interfere again.

Mr. Moe, you're accused of assaulting your two roommates with intent to commit

mayhem. You mean Moita? Yeah, and he tried to kill us, too.

Quiet!

This complaint states that you attacked the plaintiffs with this.

States Exhibit A.

You admit this is your property, do you not?

Well, Your Honor, do you mind if I look at it? You see, I had my name carved

somewhere on the... A born killer, eh?

Sit down.

But, Your Honor, if you let me tell my side of the story... You mean you have

something to say in extenuation?

Oh, not that. No, no, not that, Your Honor.

You see, I had a good reason.

Were you ever indicted?

Not since I was a baby, Your Honor.

But I'm a sick man.

A very sick man.

And I've had two very serious operations.

And this one here for crushed grape seeds.

Right here.

Oh, I have one exactly like that. You have?

Let me show it to you.

See here?

Oh, that's a bum job. That's like hemstitching with a pico edge.

Sit down. We'll continue with the testimony.

As I said before, Your Honor, I'm a very sick man.

And my doctor prescribed peace and quiet.

He impressed me that it must be quiet.

Quiet. Quiet. Quit stomping around.

Scat. Oh, my nerves.

Oh.

I must have 106 and 7 eighths.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Did you see that slide?

Must have gone in there.

Hey, did you see a trombone slide anyplace?

Why, yes.

Is this it? Yeah, give me it.

You got it.

Now play it, you rat.

Just when we were going to take you on a trip, too.

What kind of a trip? A hunting trip, where you can commute with nature, live

the outdoors, breathe fresh air.

It'll make a new man out of you.

Picture yourself in the great outdoors, under the beautiful blue sky.

Wonderful. An open campfire blazing away.

And off in the distance, we hear the call of the wolf.

Quiet, Wolf.

Don't excite me.

Don't excite me. You want to go? My pills. My medicine. Where's the blue

No, me. Me.

The red one. The red one.

That's enough.

The red one.

The red one.

Swallow.

Come on, get a move on. Grub will be ready in a minute.

Okay, I'm sure glad we found this old cabin.

Get busy, then.

How do you know? I just saw a sign, fine for hunting.

I think you got something there. Yes, I have.

Scrambled eggs.

And don't touch them until I come back with the potatoes.

Haven't seen it in years.

Hey, there's something missing on this.

It's sugar. I know. I'll go get some.

You weren't.

Where's your manners?

Why didn't you leave me some of them eggs?

I didn't touch them.

Oh, shut up and don't make things worse.

The next time a thing like that happens, I'll gouge your eyes out. But you

can't. I'll tear your tonsils out. You ain't supposed to eat until we're all

seated. And everybody has an equal chance. Oh, shut up.

What'd you say?

behave yourself.

You can take my word, Mo. Your word's no good. At least I'll get my rightful

share of those potatoes.

Oh, another chiseler, eh?

What's the matter with you? Wait a minute. I didn't do nothing. You didn't

nothing, eh?

You ate everything but the platter.

All right, now you're full. You guys cook my breakfast. Boil me some noodles

fry me some eggs. Oh, my nerves.

My nerves.

Get the spaghetti.

Okay.

How do you like the eggs?

Sunny side down.

And don't turn them over.

Where is that fresh honey?

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

If there's anything I like better than honey and ketchup, it's bologna and

whipped cream, and we haven't got any.

Nice spaghetti.

Hey.

You imbecile.

You're a nitwit. That's what you are.

What's the matter with you?

Hey, Moe.

There's a bear in the window. You're wacky. What do you mean, bear in the

window? There's no bear around here.

Oh, oh, oh. You're right. There is a bear around here.

Here. You take this bear trap.

You take this gun.

Now go on out there and get him. I'd go with you, but my knife is a shot.

I ain't got the knife either. Go on, scat now.

Don't be afraid. I'm right behind you. Thanks.

Look at me shaking. I've got the chills again.

Hey,

we'll set a trap for him here. When he comes back for lunch, we'll get him.

Great.

I'd like to see the expression I bear when he gets in that trap.

Yeah.

He's got him. He's got him.

You want the bear to eat him alive?

Go out there and help him.

That bear don't need no help.

What are you, a coward?

Yes.

Go on out and save him.

I'll go, but my heart ain't in it. Go on.

If I wasn't afraid, I mean, if I wasn't sick, I'd help you too.

How do you like that?

Afraid of a little teddy bear.

There was only the trap.

What's the idea of scaring us half to death?

The bear was here in person, I tell you. I saw him with my eyes. I heard him

with my ears. And his trap got me by the tail.

Where did he go?

That way.

Come on.

Give me that gun.

I didn't do nothing. Shut up.

Boy, a duck.

That's what I call hunting.

What are you doing?

Waiting for the dressing and the cranberry sauce.

Isn't this a pretty spot?

What a place.

You sure you feel good enough to go hunting, Moe? I feel wonderful.

Go on, you boys shoot your bear. I'll wait here.

Oh, still afraid, huh?

Afraid? Me afraid?

Now I'm mad.

It's either the bear or me.

Go ahead. I'll bring up the rear in case she attacks from behind.

Hey, fellas, be careful. Get down.

Hey, fellas, I got that...

Well, go on after him. What's stopping you?

The bear.

Why, you... Come on. Hey, wait a minute. Look at these rocks.

Let's barricade the cave and smother them to death.

I think I got a little piece of brain now.

Okay, let's go.

Here. Here's one. Catch it.

too much for them. Let's get them back to the car. Come on.

Come on.

Take it easy.

Okay.

One, two, three.

Now rest easy.

Let's get the cave locked up before the bear gets out. Okay.

Oh, you want to play, eh?

Hey,

you, this is no time to play games.

Hey,

Larry, we got him. We got him.

Look. Are you sure he's dead?

Certainly. If you don't believe me, put your head to his chest and listen to his

heart.

I'll take your word for it.

Say, he'll make a beautiful rug.

Do you know a taxidermist?

Certainly. My cousin Willie from Pittsburgh. He drives a taxi.

Taxidermist, taxidermist.

Taxidermist to you, too. Come on, help me put him in the car.

Oh, boy, we got a bear, a great big bear, without firing a single shot.

That's what I call hunting.

I didn't hit you. Oh, yes, you did. You hit me, but I didn't hit you.

Oh, skip it.

Oh!

Say, you did it again.

Hey, how could you hit me over here if your hand's in your lap?

Yeah.

What a dope I am. I'll say.

It was more all...

What will Moe say when he sees us? You'll forget.

Moe is no longer with us. The bear ate him up.

Poor Moe.

Oh, woe is Moe. Oh, woe is you.

Oh, Moe.

Oh, look.

And now my doctor says I'll have to go back to bed for six months.

I find the defendant not guilty.

Case dismissed.

Thank you, Your Honor. You're entirely welcome.

Do you mind if I have Exhibit A back again, Your Honor?

Oh, certainly not. Help yourself.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Unfair. Why, it's a good thing we're helping you. Oh,

boys. Yes?

I have something for you. Give it to us. Come on. You got it.