Original subtitles

happened, Tisca? Listen to this.

Tisca, Taska, and Vasca Jones, our triple wedding must be postponed

indefinitely. Not returning to port today.

Having ordered to Honolulu. See you in a few months. Love, Tom, Dick, and Harry.

If we're not married by midnight tonight, we can kiss a $10 million

goodbye. We're sunk.

Oh, no, you're not.

Smart lawyers never sunk.

I read about the fleet going to Honolulu, so I figured out a little plan

your inheritance.

Well, let's have it.

Simple. Today, you marry three convicts. Tomorrow, they hang.

You get your ten million, minus my fee, of course, and you're free to marry your

boyfriends. Nice, huh?

But what about the convicts? Yeah, how about that?

There they are.

They can't hang us. We're innocent.

We're innocent, I tell you. You're telling me.

Well, they're going to hang us. Oh, no.

No. I'm too young to die.

I'm too young and too handsome.

Well, I'm too young.

that. Oh, thank you.

Listen,

you, we've got 24 hours to live.

Think, think, think.

I got it. What? A terrific

headache.

Come on.

Listen, we got to get out of here. If we only had a saw.

Hey. What about these?

Well, where'd you get these?

I say, in bottle tops.

Is this a musical saw?

Certainly. It plays, I hear, a rhapsody.

That was a rhapsody in the kisser. Come on, get on those bars, quick.

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

That a guy that can saw, see?

Saw?

This is Tisker, Tasker, and Basker Jones.

How do you do?

Will you marry us? Will we? Oh, boy. Start the ceremony.

I now pronounce you man and wife. Oh, boy. We're married.

Brother -in -law.

Hey, wait.

How do you like that? No wedding gift.

Happy honeymoon, gentlemen.

Well, I'll be hanged. You will.

You had to bring that up.

Stop it.

Howdy, folks, howdy. This is your old friend Bill Stein bringing you a jerk

-jerk description of the triple hanging of the mushroom murder mob.

This broadcast is coming to you from Hang them all prison.

We're right at that gallows side, and it's a beautiful day for a hanging.

Peanuts, popcorn, sody pop, chewing gum, candy. Get your programs, gents, all

the names and numbers.

You can't tell the victims apart without a program.

Program?

Program!

Program!

Hey,

hey, hey. You better watch that call. First thing you know, you'll wind up

pneumonia.

They say strawberries is good for a cold.

Strawberries won't be in season for six months.

We'll wait. Just a minute.

Line up there, boys.

This broadcast comes to you through the courtesy of EDAM Neckties, with stores

at three convenient locations, Skagway, Alaska, Little America, and Pago Pago.

Pardon you.

Mickey Finn and his gang have been captured, and they've confessed to the

mushroom murder. You're free, boys.

We're free!

We're free!

Here, why, say a few words, will you?

I am the shadow.

Get out of jail.

We were innocent.

The real murderers confessed.

The governor pardoned us. So here we are. And until death do us part.

Until death do us part, eh?

Certainly. Oh, boy, what a joint.

Okay, then.

Give us a kiss.

Oh, honey. Close your eyes.

That's just to let you know who's going to be boss around here.

Oh, well, if that's how it is.

Why, that's how it is. Shake.

That's just to let you know who's going to be boss around here.

We've got to get rid of them.

We've got to get rid of them.

We'll get rid of them.

All we do is insist they become society gentlemen.

We'll make them take dancing lessons, fencing, baths.

Boy, this ought to take off the pimples and blemishes.

Yeah, maybe the skin, too. Who cares? I'll be a skinless Frankfurter. Oh, I

Smell good on the inside, too.

It's you, the blonde.

Hey, listen.

Now, we're in society. We've got to act like society.

I refuse to act that dopey.

Say, what do we know about society?

Well, starting tomorrow, we're going to learn.

We've got to act like gentlemen so these dames we married won't have any excuse

for throwing us out. You mean to say I can't go to sleep with my shoes on?

That's exactly what I mean. Now get to bed.

Like a gentleman.

No use. I can't sleep in this bed.

Me either. It's too comfortable.

For once, I agree with you guys.

We've got to fix these beds so we can feel at home.

Oh, boy, just like jail.

Yes, sir, all the comforts of home.

Grab a bunk, boys.

Hey,

how do you expect me to get up there?

for yourself.

Oh, you did, eh?

You fall down. Can I reach him?

That's it.

Put me on top.

down. Okay.

Hey, fellas.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. I didn't do it, Warden. Never mind. Listen. Our dancing teacher's waiting.

Dancing? Oh, boy.

I gotta have my breakfast first.

We don't eat till after we've taken our dancing lesson. I quit.

You can't quit. That's what they want us to do.

Get up.

Get up.

Now, in order to become good dancers, you must follow me closely and do

as I do. Do you understand?

Okay. Here's a dance that's most popular in society.

You'll never go amiss doing this.

Now follow me closely and do exactly what I do.

Ready?

You got us to marry those Frankensteins. Now get us a divorce. Well, you have to

have grounds for a divorce.

Well, we made them take dancing lessons and wear fancy clothes and even take

baths ten times a day. But still they don't complain.

I've got it.

You've got to give a big party.

They're bound to humiliate you. And all your society friends can testify for

you. Divorce will be a cinch.

I haven't looked this pretty since I was a baby.

Come on, let's check in. They're waiting.

Watch your P's and Q's. Come on. Don't worry.

Well,

my scheme is working.

Mm -hmm.

Oh, Williams. Yes, sir.

Williams, when you bring that big cake in...

You going to eat that chicken alone?

No. Maybe if I wait, I'll get some potatoes.

What kind?

Mashed. You got them.

Hey, what do you think you're doing? Playing poker? Quit stacking the deck.

Quiet.

Hello, boys.

Wouldn't you like some punch?

Certainly. Let's see what the boys in the back room will have.

Pass me the... I heard you traveled a lot. Are you familiar with the Great

of China?

No, but I know a big fence in Chicago.

Wouldn't you boys like a sit over there? It's much more comfortable.

A .G. Hospital.

That's where I'll put you if you don't be quiet. Go on.

I say, Jasper, how's your tape going? Oh, fine. They took the blue ribbon at

Madison Square Garden last week. Fancy that.

You fancy that.

In former years, we traveled incognito. Then by freight.

Now we just stomach.

But of all the rides I've taken, I like best...

Lusio, you tripped him. He certainly did not. The butler did it deliberately. I

did not, sir.

He

did

it. Thank you.

But you started it.

As a rule, parties bore me, but I know I'm going to get a big bang out of this

one.

So I turned to my right, and there, coming toward me, was a... Another lion.

But did it scare me? Not a bit. Oh, don't shout like I am. And I turned to

face to face.

Another lion.

Just at that moment, that very moment, I heard a roar to my left. The lion that

I thought that I'd killed was only wounded.

But you understand exactly what I'm talking about.

to such a life.