Original subtitles

Isn't it rather odd that your mistress hasn't put in an appearance at her own

party? Yes, madame. I'm sorry, madame.

Where is she?

Where is that wife of mine? Now, take it easy, Rumsford. A drink, sir? Any word

for Mrs. Rumsford?

Not a word, sir. I'm terribly upset.

You're upset? What about me? She invites all these people to her birthday party

and then runs out on them. She always does that, sir.

She'll probably be back in a day or two.

Dare to snap out of it, Rumsford. You must make allowances for our youth.

will turn up. If I didn't love that woman so much, I swear I'd...

Darling, hello.

Right over.

Oh, Williams.

Ready, madam.

Listen, York.

You're a doctor and you're my best friend.

Isn't there anything you could do for her? I'm afraid she's a bit out of my

line. The men you want are Drs. Ziller, Zeller, and Zoller.

You think they can help her?

Well, they're the finest psychiatrists in the business.

They're terribly expensive, and their methods are very peculiar.

But they do get results.

I'll have Williams call them.

I'll have Williams call them immediately.

I've got to see a patient, Rummy.

I'll try to get back later.

Good luck. Thanks.

Well, Williams, I want you to telephone Drs. Ziller, Zeller, and Zoller.

Yes, ma 'am. I'll have my stuff out right after lunch.

Looks like there's nobody here.

There's the police, all right. Maybe I got the... You puddin' head. Why don't

you look what you're doing?

I couldn't help it. I was looking around to see if there's anybody in the

office, and when I turned...

Minor wisecracks, toots. We're troubleshooters from the phone company.

wrong here? Painter's ruined my switchboard.

Come on. If you can bring it to life and a call comes in for the doctor, say

they're out of town. I'm going to lunch. Okay.

Hey, bring me back a piece of burnt toast and a rotten egg.

Burnt toast and a rotten egg? Yeah, I got a tapeworm and that's good enough

him. Go on, get busy.

How's she coming?

Not so good.

Number six.

Larry, help me. I'm surrounded.

Get a hold of that.

Hello?

Yes, I know it's out of order. I've been trying for half an hour to get it.

What's the matter with you, putting hedge of an act and slug nutty all day?

It's Gertie. She's going to have... That's wonderful.

When do you expect it? Any minute. That's why I'm so upset.

No fooling. Why didn't you tell us? But you see, I... I know. You're broke.

Flat as a flugie.

That's bad.

We've got to figure out a way to get some money and get it quick.

Oh, thanks, Moe. You're welcome. Okay, I...

Is this Susquehanna 2 -2 -2 -2?

2 -2 -2 -2.

What do you think you're doing, playing trains?

Oh, I love to play trains.

Why don't you get a toupee with some brains in it?

I want to speak to Dr. Zilla, Zella, or Zala. This is an important case.

We'll pay any price if they'll come over immediately. Money is no object.

We'll be there in a flash in the flesh.

What are we supposed to do?

You're Zilla. You're Zilla. And I'm Dr. Zala. Oh, glad to meet you, Doctor.

Hiya, son. Now, listen, Doc. I'm in trouble with T .S.

What do you mean, T .S.? Two stomachs. Stick out your tongue.

There's an impatient patient waiting. Come on. Wait a minute. Don't be

impatient.

Listen, darling.

Wait.

Sherry, you can't run out on your guests like this again. But, darling, I'm

bored. I'm only going for a short ride in a submarine. I'll be back in a day or

two. Tell them all to wait.

But, Sherry...

Mr. Rumsfeld, are you looking for someone?

I'm Zilla. I'm Zilla. I'm Zola.

Stick out your tongue.

Say ah with your mouth closed.

Ah. Ah.

Rats.

This is serious.

You're wrong, gentlemen.

It's strictly a case of latkes and pippings.

I'm not the patient. It's Mrs.

Rumsfeld. Oh.

How do you do, madam?

I'll see here, sherry.

Now, let me tell you a little bit about sherry. Oh, don't bother. I'll take

scotch. Make mine rye. I'll take gin smothered in bourbon.

It's used to make it fizzy.

Boy, even the rum ought to help some.

Help! Help!

Order. No, hay fever.

Oh, we...

Hey,

here's some new kind of liquor.

Worcestershire.

You shouldn't handle dangerous weapons. Give me that.

I will not.

Let me have it.

Look.

It's boiling.

It must be done.

A marvelous accomplishment.

A prodigious achievement.

Will you be good enough to look my wife over now?

A pleasure. This way.

The doctor's going to look you over, dear. Oh, goody.

Now, we shall test your reflex first.

Okay, doctor.

This is the way a normal reflex should act.

I beg your pardon.

Oh, you don't have to apologize. You can't help if you're crazy.

Trouble is, you've got no light.

especially corned beef and cabbage. Oh, isn't he funny?

What's all the fuss?

I believe I dropped my serviette.

Well, just keep seated. Nobody will notice it.

Biscuit, madame?

No, thank you.

Sir? Quiet!

Biscuit, sir?

Oh, sweetening!

Biscuit, sir?

Hey, where's your Emily Post?

biscuits.

to me, so I don't know which is the head or the tail.

Quiet now, quiet.

This thing can't lick me.

Why you... I'm sorry. Don't throw it.

your fault, Joe.

My wife's still enjoying herself before she changes her mind. Believe me, I'm

grateful. Will about $1 ,500 do?

Oh, that's just right. Thanks.