Original subtitles

You could have given me a warning.

Jeez, Lieutenant, I'm sorry.

I don't exactly do this for a living, you know. The next time I go undercover

with you, I'm wearing safety shoes and a flak jacket.

You told them I was here.

I swear, Lieutenant, it wasn't me.

How do they do it?

How do they always find me?

No matter where I am, I could be undercover in a disguise, and there they

They find me.

Day or night, they're there. They're everywhere.

They're like kudzu.

Hi, guys. Hey, town.

Nice seeing you.

Bonjour and adios.

Oh, come on, town. Is that any way you treat a couple of pals?

Yeah, Nixon's a pal, too. But he just dropped a ton of metal on my right foot.

That's enough friendship for one day without you guys hanging around blowing

cover. You said anything about hanging around.

We just stopped by to give you those.

One of these.

Tickets to the Padres? Tonight with the Mets? Dwight Gooden?

Well, we figured you were probably having a rough time, so... Box!

actually what happened was a client gave him to us but he went to jail today so

do me a favor guys act natural reformer just showed up a guy i've been trying to

make a connection with now for over a month what's it about drugs lots and

of drugs you want backup yeah back up and get out of here

i think maybe i better check the carburetor i think i would have checked

oil

Hello, partner. Can I help you?

I hear you do primo body work. So I'll have to step by and see for myself.

Yeah, I think we can take care of your problem.

Hope it won't take too long.

No, we'll have you out of here in no time.

Think you could handle something with an Italian flavor?

Like a Ferrari UTS?

What about something with a Colombian flavor?

When's it coming in?

What are you trying to do, man? Get me killed?

He's okay. He's one of mine.

I don't know.

I couldn't see.

There's some guy across the street.

The guy's split, not a trace. What happened?

We're playing marbles. I think he broke his leg.

Good morning, sir. You're looking better today.

Nixon, the art of con is not something in which you excel. Did you bring

everything I asked for?

Yesterday's log sheets.

Detective, he caught on a shooting at the garage.

Statements with the informant. He still doesn't know who's trying to kill him.

Here's an APB I just found. I think you should look at it right away.

Why should I look at this right away?

Does his name match with Thomas Jenkins' man's name? You know the answer to

that. He escaped from back of the last month.

He was sighted in L .A. and believed to be headed here.

Food in here stinks.

So I guess maybe I should assign somebody to you for protection.

We've had this conversation before, Nixon.

If you assign someone to me every time I get a death threat, we'd waste half the

manpower in the division.

You understand?

Yes, sir.

Do I have to make myself clear? No, sir. Good.

Who do you think is still here? I was walking a beat while he was still in

school. Hey, Nixon, how's it going?

How's he doing today?

I am so sick of this.

He won't listen to me.

What's wrong?

A real psycho escaped from prison last month.

A guy by the name of Jenkins. Him and his wife were bank robbers.

I remember them.

The woman was killed in the shootout when town caught him. Sort of a modern

Bonnie and Clyde.

Attractive -looking sort, isn't he?

Matthew Thomas Jenkins.

He's on the loose, believed headed this way, and he swore to kill the

lieutenant. Uh -huh. And the lieutenant won't let you protect him. He said if

every time he got a death threat, he assigned somebody to it, he would tie up

half the department's manpower, right?

How'd you know?

Instinct, Nixon.

That's what makes us so successful.

You want some help?

No problem.

But if the lieutenant finds out I said anything, he'll hang me by my toes.

That's a sight we wouldn't want to see.

Why, my, aren't we chipper today.

You've got to get me out of here.

My sources tell me you're being released today.

Yahoo! Into my custody. I'm taking you home with me.

Oh, that's really great of you to offer, Temple, really. It's just that I'm kind

of looking forward to getting back to my own place, you know, comfortable

surroundings, familiar.

You can't possibly take care of yourself all alone, bumping around with this

cat. No problem. I got crutches and everything.

It's all settled, Brown.

I'm going to take you home. You're moving in with me. I'm going to cook

meal. I'm going to give you a sponge bath from head to toe.

and I'm going to see to your every need. In case he's not interested, I'd like

to offer myself as a volunteer.

Back up.

Hey, guys, great to see you. Oh, gee.

Sweetie, this is the real reason I had to turn down your offer. These guys

begged me to stay at their place, and it would have been totally insensitive to

refuse.

You're actually telling me that you'd rather recuperate with the Hardy Boys

me. Oh, it's just that... Just that you prefer the smell of locker room to the

smell of perfume.

Hey, if that's where your emotional development kicked into neutral, you

fun doing guy stuff.

That place doesn't smell like a locker room.

Does your place smell like... Never mind.

What's guy stuff?

I don't think it includes a teddy bear.

Be careful. I got it. I got it.

Here we go.

I'm not complaining. This was your idea, not ours.

Honestly, town, two million male viewers drool over Temple Hill every night at 6

and 11, and you turn down the opportunity to go live in her dream

Why should I explain to you?

You're the one that held off Liz with a .357 Magnum for four years. Yeah, it was

the biggest mistake of my life, too.

Save that stuff for your mom.

Come on, guys, I don't have to tell you. Around our age, the rules begin to

change.

The hunter becomes the hunted.

The predator becomes the prey.

All women over the age of 30 should be considered armed and dangerous.

Town, it hurts me to say this, but you're becoming a cynic.

Hold that.

Don't touch my bear!

Sorry.

What are you doing that for?

What? Closing those. It's a beautiful day out there.

Oh, carpet.

What? Well, you know how A .J. is about sunlight fading his carpet.

Honestly, Rick, I really don't. Well, that's why I'm telling you.

He's got a thing about his carpet.

Mildew, sunlight, deterioration. He's a working mom.

Okay, town.

I hope you don't mind sleeping down here. I thought I was capable of going

and down all those stairs.

A .J., you really don't have to wait on me. I'm capable of doing that myself.

Okay.

How about some lunch? Would you like some lunch?

Great. There's some frozen chimichangas in the refrigerator. You can pop them

right in the microwave while you're in there and get me a beer.

Unless I'm greatly mistaken, there's only one invalid currently in this

I am not an invalid. I can make my own lunch.

I don't... Look, guys,

while I'm here, I don't want to be in that position.

Well, you're not.

Look at you, getting your own lunch and everything.

Of course I am.

Don't you have any cheese besides provolone?

Yeah, open your eyes.

Brie?

Gouda?

Jarlsberg? Gorgonzola?

No Munster.

Sorry, no Munster.

How come all the ham is the imported kind?

Well, it's the finest you can get.

I like the low -fat kind.

Now, what's the matter with you, AJ? Don't you care anything about

All right.

I'll go to the market and get some munster and some low -fat ham.

While you're there, can you pick up a loaf of kosher rye?

Sure.

Fresh, salt air. There's nothing like it. Oh, that's the way everyone feels

they first come here from Los Angeles, Mr. Dillingham.

I had to get out of there, Mrs. Talbot. I couldn't stand smog, hydrocarbons, all

that pollution.

My doctor told me I was having an allergic reaction.

Said if I didn't leave, I'd be dead in five years. Oh, my word.

Boy, am I lucky.

Would you look at this view.

Well, I'd better run downstairs and take in that forensic sign.

I sure hope you don't mind not depositing my check until Monday. If

problem... Don't think another thought about it.

You just concentrate on settling in and making yourself comfortable.

This is going to be like living in paradise, Mrs. T.

I've been waiting for this for a long time.

A long time.

What's wrong with you?

I've never seen a man so hung up

on the sun in all my life. This carpet's not going to get skin cancer, and

neither am I.

Danish ham, low -fat variety.

Munster cheese.

Fresh from the hold of an ocean liner.

German beer.

Very dark, very expensive.

And I even managed to find your kosher rye bread, which I assume has been

blessed by a rabbi.

Why don't you just relax? Let me whip up my deli professional.

I'm not hungry.

You're joking.

I lost my appetite.

I've been thinking about Temple.

I guess I really hurt our feelings.

This from the hunted male?

The predator has become the prey?

I know, I know. It's a contradiction.

But, man, I feel lousy. Well, why don't you give her a call?

Give her a little time.

Wouldn't wait too long.

What is this, first you're a cancer expert, now you're giving advice to the

-lorn?

Well, how about we play some cards?

What's with you guys? Don't you ever work?

Yeah, House of Flowers?

This is A .J. Simon. I've got an account there.

I'd like to send your most romantic arrangement of whatever to Miss Temple

Channel 3 News.

Price is no object.

The card. Just say, sometimes I

can't believe.

What a dumb jerk I am.

Well, there's no need to sign it. She'll know.

Just make sure it gets there right away, okay?

Thank you.

Mr. Simon?

Oh, yeah, please, come in.

Have a seat.

Thank you.

My name's Ed Weingarten.

I, uh... I need your help.

What seems to be the problem?

This isn't gonna be easy for me. My wife, she's,

uh... I'm afraid she's seeing someone else.

Well, I'm sorry, Ed, but we don't handle that kind of case anymore.

This is Dorothy. That's an old picture, but it's all I could find.

Well, maybe you didn't hear me, Ed, but my brother and I... Dorothy works

evenings at the food concession of a movie theater, and until lately she's

getting home by 10, but now she claims the manager's making her stay until

the midnight show. I don't think I quite understand.

A friend told me that...

They were going to a motel together.

One of those places with waterbeds and mirrors.

Ed, I don't know how to make this clear to you, but my brother and I have an

arrangement that was made... Here's a thousand dollars.

I'll give you another thousand when you find out the truth.

I sure hope you can do this.

But I'd certainly understand if it's against...

Company policy.

What I was trying to say there, Ed, was that, you know, in very special

circumstances, we're always willing to make exceptions to any rule.

This is Dorothy.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Rough day.

Rough day?

Yeah. He pays the bills.

You go to the office for three hours?

Wish I had a job like that.

Well, we got a case tonight.

We do what?

Well, it's just a marital disagreement.

Guy came in, thinks his wife's going to be at a motel tonight with another man.

You call that a disagreement?

Ours is not to judge, town. We just assemble the backs. No, they don't hurt

anybody too much.

Guess that means you both will be leaving then.

Oh.

No, this is a Hitler town. Even you can handle this by yourself.

Now, wait a minute.

I know exactly what's going on here. You two think you have to babysit me every

single second.

We never said that. Well, you just forget about me. Forget that I am even

Because I know any stakeout, no matter how simple, can be dangerous without

support. Now I've lost too many good men for that.

So, either you're going with your brother, or I'm calling the cab, and I'm

getting out of here.

Now, when you're right, you're right.

My place is at my brother's side, and that's where I'll be.

Oh, here.

Be homework.

Get acquainted with Dorothy.

It's a funny picture.

Why?

Well, I don't mean funny, ha -ha, but I don't know. It's been blown up. See how

grainy it is?

So?

Well, I don't know. Nothing.

Yeah, I do.

Look at it.

Keep the arm around the shoulder.

It looks like it's been blown up to exclude somebody.

Oh, haven't you heard? That's the latest way of getting a divorce. You just blow

them right out of your life with a photo enlarger. Oh, which reminds me.

Thanks a lot for spending $86 .72 of my hard -earned money playing Cupid for

Town and Temple.

Found out about that, huh?

Yeah, my florist and I have a real close relationship.

If I am right, which I usually am, Town and Temple are good for each other.

Boy, if you want to be petty about it, maybe I'll spring for half the flowers.

I want to be petty about it. You usually do.

Who is it?

Senior Lieutenant, it is me.

Uh,

what is this?

Just my little way of making up.

I mean, what woman could resist a heart -shaped balloon, two dozen long -stemmed

red roses, and an apology?

That must have been humiliating to her.

I was nothing, really.

And so, my little dumb jerk, it's just the two of us.

Come, sit.

To the four of us.

Rick,

why are we here?

I hate divorce cases.

I thought we agreed never to do another divorce case.

Can I ask you a question?

Sure.

You want to get paid back for the flowers?

That's between you and your conscience.

No, that's between me and my checkbook.

That's why we're here.

It's a good reason.

Nothing?

Nothing isn't sitting there with a long face.

Okay, so I don't like veal piccata.

You don't like veal piccata. You don't like red wine.

You don't like romantic music.

You don't like much of anything, do you, Brown?

If you really want to know, my idea of a romantic evening is dinner for two, not

four. With hamburgers and homemade pie.

I'm a simple man, Temple. This kind of extravagance isn't what I like.

So we're back on that old subject again. You can't stand it because Channel 3

pays more than the San Diego Police Department. When are you going to

that money doesn't matter?

If I didn't stay at your place, you probably would have hired a 60 -piece

orchestra.

I try to do something nice for you. I try to cheer you up. But I can't spend

half my time worried about your pride and your ego. Life is too short for

Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Temple.

It's just that I'm not a good patient. Ask my doctor. Ask my nurse.

Love you. You're great.

Until I get back on both feet, I'm just not going to be functioning properly.

I think that's going to be the Hardy Boys' problem, not mine.

Could be here all night.

True. And all day tomorrow.

Possibly.

Could even go on for a solid week.

Well, that's a little on the downside.

Yeah, well, tomorrow, when the sun peaks its way over the rooftop, we're going

to lose Nixon as a babysitter. Have you thought of that? All right, all right.

Give me Dorothy's picture. I'll wrap the 20 around it, show it to the night

clerk. Maybe that'll speed things up.

I got a faster way.

And cheaper.

All right, darling.

I know you're in there.

I'm going to give you five seconds to clear out and get on home to the kids.

If you don't, I'm coming in after you with an M16 that's set on fully

See anyone who looks like Dorothy?

No, I... I really don't.

Scarecrow and Tin Man, but... No Dorothy.

No, I just remembered something. I got to feed Marlowe today.

How's it like living on a houseboat?

Oh, that's the good these days. I'm always over here.

Ah, Nixon.

Should have been with us. A wizard of Oz. It was a very educational

You went to a movie?

Not exactly, Nixon.

How's the lieutenant?

Sleeping like a baby.

It sounds too good to be true. I'm just wondering if I could catch on how to use

it. A ten -year -old can use this, Mr. Greenfetter.

All you have to do is... Aim it at any window, anything within a thousand

meters, and you can hear every syllable of every word that's spoken inside.

Amazing. Laser technology.

Even with the window shut?

Shut tight as a drum.

When someone talks, the window pane acts like the diaphragm of a microphone.

Vibrations occur, which are then bounced back to the laser receiver.

The scientific principle being...

Angle of incidence is equal to the angle of reflection.

Are you following me?

Close enough to let you know you just closed the deal.

Very good, very good.

I just need your security clearance number.

You know, the government is rather sticky about certification.

Hey, no problem. I've got my clearance right here.

I'll get it. I'll get it.

Who is it?

Your mother.

What's the password?

I brought these back.

special trip, though. Good morning, town.

Good morning.

Why is the door locked?

Uh, we've had a lot of robberies in the neighborhood.

Well, you're a detective and he's a cop, but what are you worried about?

Is that paint I smell or what you're cooking, town?

It's just cooking paint.

What is that?

Okra delight. It's my own invention. We got okra, goat cheese, poppy seeds, red

peppers, and just the right amount of hot sauce.

I can't believe a man who cooks that could complain about a catered dinner.

You talked to her. You talked to Temple. You might say so, yes.

Why are you doing that in here? You should be outside.

It's too hot. There's too much glare.

Come on, Sophia. What did she say?

Well, if you're fishing for information, you're wasting your time. I only saw

her for a few minutes because she was going out on a date.

She's dating somebody already?

We just had an argument last night and she's dating?

Well, what do you expect her to do? I mean, there are lots of handsome,

intelligent men who aren't threatened by her career.

I have been trying to call her. I left messages all over the place. She won't

even give me a chance to explain.

Well, I don't think you should explain. There are certain men who have problems

with successful women, and you're one of them.

Mom, I think you're being a... You stay out of this.

You know what the real tragedy is, Tom?

You're old -fashioned.

You're afraid to take the risk of exploring a mature relationship.

You're afraid that if you stayed at Temple's, you wouldn't have the courage

say goodbye.

I don't want to say goodbye.

Well, then call her.

I've been trying.

Try Channel 3 at 8 .30 tonight.

She'll be right next to the phone.

Hello, I'd like to speak to Ed Weingarten, please.

Is this 5559231?

And there's no Ed Weingarten there.

Okay, sorry, I guess I was given the wrong number.

My friends, I kid you not, you're in for a treat tonight.

The treat of your life.

What in the world do you call this?

Okra delight.

Yeah. It's a vegetarian dish. My own invention.

What's in it?

Okra, goat feed, poppy seeds, and just the right amount of hot sauce.

I, uh... I think I'm just gonna save mine for tomorrow.

Excuse me.

I'll get it.

I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it.

Hello.

I know this is A .J., but he's right here.

Hold on.

Hi.

Hello?

Rick, Ed Weingarten.

Oh, hey, I tried to call you. I've got good news. We checked out the motel.

There was no sign of Dorothy, so we think the whole thing's a false alarm.

There's a coffee shop at the corner of 3rd and Benson called Yvonne's. I want

you and your brother to meet me there in 15 minutes.

Why? Because I just caught Dorothy red -handed.

It was terrible.

I have to talk to someone.

I'm so desperate, I just might take my own life.

And add...

He wants us to meet him at a coffee shop in 15 minutes.

I knew there was something weird about this guy talking suicide.

I'll go. No, no, no, no. You stay. He's my client. I brought him in. You hate

these kind of kids. You haven't finished your okra delight, all right?

You know, you just can't fool around with suicides. Town, thanks for a really

lovely dinner. Make sure you write down the recipe for this stuff.

This smells just delicious.

But I... I really am worried about my ulcer.

What ulcer? The ulcer I'm going to have if I eat this.

Whoa, down.

It's just about 8 .30.

I don't want to forget to call Temple.

I'm counting the minutes.

No, no, no.

Not appear too eager.

Hello?

Is this Mr. H .A. Simon?

Yes, it is.

Mr. Simon, this is the emergency room at Memorial Hospital. We have your brother

here. There's been a serious accident.

Are you sure?

I don't think it could be my brother. I mean, he only just left here a little

while ago.

If you're A .J. Simon, it is your brother. He's had a head -on collision

truck, and right now he's in critical condition.

It was a Code 3 radio dispatch call.

I don't know where you live or what the situation is. Um, well, I don't

see how it could have happened so fast. I mean, Memorial's halfway across town.

Richard B. Simon?

That's right. We think you should hurry.

Yeah, of course.

Yes, I'm on my way. Thank you.

John, I'm going to go out for a little bit.

Taking your gun for a walk?

Yes, I think you ought to get yours to keep the doors locked.

It's Jenkins, isn't it?

I think he's in that new condo right across the canal.

Well, on the bright side, we don't have to play games anymore.

Nixon told you, didn't he?

Who's Nixon?

Oh, the guy who's been hanging around outside for the past two nights trying

look invisible.

What a surprise.

Yeah, take him with you. I'll call for backup.

Someone's dead, but doesn't look like Jenkins.

You sure?

It's him, AJ.

Hold on. He's done something.

Dyed his hair. Maybe you know his job. But I'm telling you, it's Jenkins.

Well, my apologies, town.

Nixon says it is him.

How can he be dead? You just talked to him.

You got me. No bullet wound. No sign of a struggle.

Just have to wait for the coroner to tell us that.

Well, thanks.

Can't say I'm not relieved.

And look, say thanks to that other guy who's been hanging around your porch all

night, all right?

You got it.

Yikes!

Hello. If this is Brown, you're already 12 minutes... Look, baby, I'm sorry, but

we had a real scare around here tonight.

Oh, sure you did. You got so scared, you forgot that Alexander Graham Bell

invented the telephone.

Sweetie pie.

Here's what you call me. Wait a minute, Temple. I didn't tell Cecilia.

I don't know who you are.

Maybe not.

But you surely knew my daughter.

Dorothy? You're Dorothy Jenkins' father? Dorothy Epperson.

Before she married that pig.

And that's the only way I want to remember her.

Coroner's on the way.

What's your number? I want to give the lieutenant a call.

I bet the line's busy.

He's probably talking to Temple.

Mr. Epperson.

Please don't do anything you'll be sorry for.

Sorry? Oh, I'm way past sorry.

This is my night of pure joy.

I've already killed our pig, number one.

But that is only half my fun.

You found Jenkins and you killed him. Is that what you're saying?

Who do you think arranged for his escape?

Who do you think followed him down into San Diego?

That was him shooting at me?

Someone's after town.

Send the backup over to my house and come as quick as you can.

Mr. Epperson, your daughter was in the act of committing a felony, robbing a

bank.

We asked her to surrender, but she fired at us point blank.

That doesn't matter. The only real thing that existed tonight is that you killed

Dorothy.

You killed my daughter.

The shop never showed up.

Brown.

Brown. Look, Brown, I know what you're doing. You and the Hardy boys are

around on the floor trying to make me think there's some kind of crisis over

there. Hey, look, I am not buying it for a second. Do you hear me?

Well,

we're sure going to miss you, Tom.

Sad but true. People always hate to see me go.

Yeah.

That just about does it. Not quite.

I was making up the bed.

Are these yours?

You could have put them in a bag.

Boutique underwear?

The man wears boutique underwear?

And Mom called him a Victorian?

She didn't say Victorian. She said old -fashioned. I see that the second thing

we're going to have to do is change my baby's taste in unmentionable.

What's the first thing?

Wouldn't you like to know?

Town.

Look, guys, thanks a lot.

I really mean it. Don't mention it. Drop by any time you're in the neighborhood.

By the way, dinner tonight is on me.

Okra delight.