All language subtitles for Simon & Simon s06e04 The Cop Who Came to Dinner

You could have given me a warning.

Jeez, Lieutenant, I'm sorry.

I don't exactly do this for a living,
you know. The next time I go undercover

with you, I'm wearing safety shoes and a
flak jacket.

You told them I was here.

I swear, Lieutenant, it wasn't me.

How do they do it?

How do they always find me?

No matter where I am, I could be
undercover in a disguise, and there they

They find me.

Day or night, they're there. They're
everywhere.

They're like kudzu.

Hi, guys. Hey, town.

Nice seeing you.

Bonjour and adios.

Oh, come on, town. Is that any way you
treat a couple of pals?

Yeah, Nixon's a pal, too. But he just
dropped a ton of metal on my right foot.

That's enough friendship for one day
without you guys hanging around blowing

cover. You said anything about hanging
around.

We just stopped by to give you those.

One of these.

Tickets to the Padres? Tonight with the
Mets? Dwight Gooden?

Well, we figured you were probably
having a rough time, so... Box!

actually what happened was a client gave
him to us but he went to jail today so

do me a favor guys act natural reformer
just showed up a guy i've been trying to

make a connection with now for over a
month what's it about drugs lots and

of drugs you want backup yeah back up
and get out of here

i think maybe i better check the
carburetor i think i would have checked

oil

Hello, partner. Can I help you?

I hear you do primo body work. So I'll
have to step by and see for myself.

Yeah, I think we can take care of your
problem.

Hope it won't take too long.

No, we'll have you out of here in no
time.

Think you could handle something with an
Italian flavor?

Like a Ferrari UTS?

What about something with a Colombian
flavor?

When's it coming in?

What are you trying to do, man? Get me
killed?

He's okay. He's one of mine.

I don't know.

I couldn't see.

There's some guy across the street.

The guy's split, not a trace. What
happened?

We're playing marbles. I think he broke
his leg.

Good morning, sir. You're looking better
today.

Nixon, the art of con is not something
in which you excel. Did you bring

everything I asked for?

Yesterday's log sheets.

Detective, he caught on a shooting at
the garage.

Statements with the informant. He still
doesn't know who's trying to kill him.

Here's an APB I just found. I think you
should look at it right away.

Why should I look at this right away?

Does his name match with Thomas Jenkins'
man's name? You know the answer to

that. He escaped from back of the last
month.

He was sighted in L .A. and believed to
be headed here.

Food in here stinks.

So I guess maybe I should assign
somebody to you for protection.

We've had this conversation before,
Nixon.

If you assign someone to me every time I
get a death threat, we'd waste half the

manpower in the division.

You understand?

Yes, sir.

Do I have to make myself clear? No, sir.
Good.

Who do you think is still here? I was
walking a beat while he was still in

school. Hey, Nixon, how's it going?

How's he doing today?

I am so sick of this.

He won't listen to me.

What's wrong?

A real psycho escaped from prison last
month.

A guy by the name of Jenkins. Him and
his wife were bank robbers.

I remember them.

The woman was killed in the shootout
when town caught him. Sort of a modern

Bonnie and Clyde.

Attractive -looking sort, isn't he?

Matthew Thomas Jenkins.

He's on the loose, believed headed this
way, and he swore to kill the

lieutenant. Uh -huh. And the lieutenant
won't let you protect him. He said if

every time he got a death threat, he
assigned somebody to it, he would tie up

half the department's manpower, right?

How'd you know?

Instinct, Nixon.

That's what makes us so successful.

You want some help?

No problem.

But if the lieutenant finds out I said
anything, he'll hang me by my toes.

That's a sight we wouldn't want to see.

Why, my, aren't we chipper today.

You've got to get me out of here.

My sources tell me you're being released
today.

Yahoo! Into my custody. I'm taking you
home with me.

Oh, that's really great of you to offer,
Temple, really. It's just that I'm kind

of looking forward to getting back to my
own place, you know, comfortable

surroundings, familiar.

You can't possibly take care of yourself
all alone, bumping around with this

cat. No problem. I got crutches and
everything.

It's all settled, Brown.

I'm going to take you home. You're
moving in with me. I'm going to cook

meal. I'm going to give you a sponge
bath from head to toe.

and I'm going to see to your every need.
In case he's not interested, I'd like

to offer myself as a volunteer.

Back up.

Hey, guys, great to see you. Oh, gee.

Sweetie, this is the real reason I had
to turn down your offer. These guys

begged me to stay at their place, and it
would have been totally insensitive to

refuse.

You're actually telling me that you'd
rather recuperate with the Hardy Boys

me. Oh, it's just that... Just that you
prefer the smell of locker room to the

smell of perfume.

Hey, if that's where your emotional
development kicked into neutral, you

fun doing guy stuff.

That place doesn't smell like a locker
room.

Does your place smell like... Never
mind.

What's guy stuff?

I don't think it includes a teddy bear.

Be careful. I got it. I got it.

Here we go.

I'm not complaining. This was your idea,
not ours.

Honestly, town, two million male viewers
drool over Temple Hill every night at 6

and 11, and you turn down the
opportunity to go live in her dream

Why should I explain to you?

You're the one that held off Liz with a
.357 Magnum for four years. Yeah, it was

the biggest mistake of my life, too.

Save that stuff for your mom.

Come on, guys, I don't have to tell you.
Around our age, the rules begin to

change.

The hunter becomes the hunted.

The predator becomes the prey.

All women over the age of 30 should be
considered armed and dangerous.

Town, it hurts me to say this, but
you're becoming a cynic.

Hold that.

Don't touch my bear!

Sorry.

What are you doing that for?

What? Closing those. It's a beautiful
day out there.

Oh, carpet.

What? Well, you know how A .J. is about
sunlight fading his carpet.

Honestly, Rick, I really don't. Well,
that's why I'm telling you.

He's got a thing about his carpet.

Mildew, sunlight, deterioration. He's a
working mom.

Okay, town.

I hope you don't mind sleeping down
here. I thought I was capable of going

and down all those stairs.

A .J., you really don't have to wait on
me. I'm capable of doing that myself.

Okay.

How about some lunch? Would you like
some lunch?

Great. There's some frozen chimichangas
in the refrigerator. You can pop them

right in the microwave while you're in
there and get me a beer.

Unless I'm greatly mistaken, there's
only one invalid currently in this

I am not an invalid. I can make my own
lunch.

I don't... Look, guys,

while I'm here, I don't want to be in
that position.

Well, you're not.

Look at you, getting your own lunch and
everything.

Of course I am.

Don't you have any cheese besides
provolone?

Yeah, open your eyes.

Brie?

Gouda?

Jarlsberg? Gorgonzola?

No Munster.

Sorry, no Munster.

How come all the ham is the imported
kind?

Well, it's the finest you can get.

I like the low -fat kind.

Now, what's the matter with you, AJ?
Don't you care anything about

All right.

I'll go to the market and get some
munster and some low -fat ham.

While you're there, can you pick up a
loaf of kosher rye?

Sure.

Fresh, salt air. There's nothing like
it. Oh, that's the way everyone feels

they first come here from Los Angeles,
Mr. Dillingham.

I had to get out of there, Mrs. Talbot.
I couldn't stand smog, hydrocarbons, all

that pollution.

My doctor told me I was having an
allergic reaction.

Said if I didn't leave, I'd be dead in
five years. Oh, my word.

Boy, am I lucky.

Would you look at this view.

Well, I'd better run downstairs and take
in that forensic sign.

I sure hope you don't mind not
depositing my check until Monday. If

problem... Don't think another thought
about it.

You just concentrate on settling in and
making yourself comfortable.

This is going to be like living in
paradise, Mrs. T.

I've been waiting for this for a long
time.

A long time.

What's wrong with you?

I've never seen a man so hung up

on the sun in all my life. This carpet's
not going to get skin cancer, and

neither am I.

Danish ham, low -fat variety.

Munster cheese.

Fresh from the hold of an ocean liner.

German beer.

Very dark, very expensive.

And I even managed to find your kosher
rye bread, which I assume has been

blessed by a rabbi.

Why don't you just relax? Let me whip up
my deli professional.

I'm not hungry.

You're joking.

I lost my appetite.

I've been thinking about Temple.

I guess I really hurt our feelings.

This from the hunted male?

The predator has become the prey?

I know, I know. It's a contradiction.

But, man, I feel lousy. Well, why don't
you give her a call?

Give her a little time.

Wouldn't wait too long.

What is this, first you're a cancer
expert, now you're giving advice to the

-lorn?

Well, how about we play some cards?

What's with you guys? Don't you ever
work?

Yeah, House of Flowers?

This is A .J. Simon. I've got an account
there.

I'd like to send your most romantic
arrangement of whatever to Miss Temple

Channel 3 News.

Price is no object.

The card. Just say, sometimes I

can't believe.

What a dumb jerk I am.

Well, there's no need to sign it. She'll
know.

Just make sure it gets there right away,
okay?

Thank you.

Mr. Simon?

Oh, yeah, please, come in.

Have a seat.

Thank you.

My name's Ed Weingarten.

I, uh... I need your help.

What seems to be the problem?

This isn't gonna be easy for me. My
wife, she's,

uh... I'm afraid she's seeing someone
else.

Well, I'm sorry, Ed, but we don't handle
that kind of case anymore.

This is Dorothy. That's an old picture,
but it's all I could find.

Well, maybe you didn't hear me, Ed, but
my brother and I... Dorothy works

evenings at the food concession of a
movie theater, and until lately she's

getting home by 10, but now she claims
the manager's making her stay until

the midnight show. I don't think I quite
understand.

A friend told me that...

They were going to a motel together.

One of those places with waterbeds and
mirrors.

Ed, I don't know how to make this clear
to you, but my brother and I have an

arrangement that was made... Here's a
thousand dollars.

I'll give you another thousand when you
find out the truth.

I sure hope you can do this.

But I'd certainly understand if it's
against...

Company policy.

What I was trying to say there, Ed, was
that, you know, in very special

circumstances, we're always willing to
make exceptions to any rule.

This is Dorothy.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Rough day.

Rough day?

Yeah. He pays the bills.

You go to the office for three hours?

Wish I had a job like that.

Well, we got a case tonight.

We do what?

Well, it's just a marital disagreement.

Guy came in, thinks his wife's going to
be at a motel tonight with another man.

You call that a disagreement?

Ours is not to judge, town. We just
assemble the backs. No, they don't hurt

anybody too much.

Guess that means you both will be
leaving then.

Oh.

No, this is a Hitler town. Even you can
handle this by yourself.

Now, wait a minute.

I know exactly what's going on here. You
two think you have to babysit me every

single second.

We never said that. Well, you just
forget about me. Forget that I am even

Because I know any stakeout, no matter
how simple, can be dangerous without

support. Now I've lost too many good men
for that.

So, either you're going with your
brother, or I'm calling the cab, and I'm

getting out of here.

Now, when you're right, you're right.

My place is at my brother's side, and
that's where I'll be.

Oh, here.

Be homework.

Get acquainted with Dorothy.

It's a funny picture.

Why?

Well, I don't mean funny, ha -ha, but I
don't know. It's been blown up. See how

grainy it is?

So?

Well, I don't know. Nothing.

Yeah, I do.

Look at it.

Keep the arm around the shoulder.

It looks like it's been blown up to
exclude somebody.

Oh, haven't you heard? That's the latest
way of getting a divorce. You just blow

them right out of your life with a photo
enlarger. Oh, which reminds me.

Thanks a lot for spending $86 .72 of my
hard -earned money playing Cupid for

Town and Temple.

Found out about that, huh?

Yeah, my florist and I have a real close
relationship.

If I am right, which I usually am, Town
and Temple are good for each other.

Boy, if you want to be petty about it,
maybe I'll spring for half the flowers.

I want to be petty about it. You usually
do.

Who is it?

Senior Lieutenant, it is me.

Uh,

what is this?

Just my little way of making up.

I mean, what woman could resist a heart
-shaped balloon, two dozen long -stemmed

red roses, and an apology?

That must have been humiliating to her.

I was nothing, really.

And so, my little dumb jerk, it's just
the two of us.

Come, sit.

To the four of us.

Rick,

why are we here?

I hate divorce cases.

I thought we agreed never to do another
divorce case.

Can I ask you a question?

Sure.

You want to get paid back for the
flowers?

That's between you and your conscience.

No, that's between me and my checkbook.

That's why we're here.

It's a good reason.

Nothing?

Nothing isn't sitting there with a long
face.

Okay, so I don't like veal piccata.

You don't like veal piccata. You don't
like red wine.

You don't like romantic music.

You don't like much of anything, do you,
Brown?

If you really want to know, my idea of a
romantic evening is dinner for two, not

four. With hamburgers and homemade pie.

I'm a simple man, Temple. This kind of
extravagance isn't what I like.

So we're back on that old subject again.
You can't stand it because Channel 3

pays more than the San Diego Police
Department. When are you going to

that money doesn't matter?

If I didn't stay at your place, you
probably would have hired a 60 -piece

orchestra.

I try to do something nice for you. I
try to cheer you up. But I can't spend

half my time worried about your pride
and your ego. Life is too short for

Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Temple.

It's just that I'm not a good patient.
Ask my doctor. Ask my nurse.

Love you. You're great.

Until I get back on both feet, I'm just
not going to be functioning properly.

I think that's going to be the Hardy
Boys' problem, not mine.

Could be here all night.

True. And all day tomorrow.

Possibly.

Could even go on for a solid week.

Well, that's a little on the downside.

Yeah, well, tomorrow, when the sun peaks
its way over the rooftop, we're going

to lose Nixon as a babysitter. Have you
thought of that? All right, all right.

Give me Dorothy's picture. I'll wrap the
20 around it, show it to the night

clerk. Maybe that'll speed things up.

I got a faster way.

And cheaper.

All right, darling.

I know you're in there.

I'm going to give you five seconds to
clear out and get on home to the kids.

If you don't, I'm coming in after you
with an M16 that's set on fully

See anyone who looks like Dorothy?

No, I... I really don't.

Scarecrow and Tin Man, but... No
Dorothy.

No, I just remembered something. I got
to feed Marlowe today.

How's it like living on a houseboat?

Oh, that's the good these days. I'm
always over here.

Ah, Nixon.

Should have been with us. A wizard of
Oz. It was a very educational

You went to a movie?

Not exactly, Nixon.

How's the lieutenant?

Sleeping like a baby.

It sounds too good to be true. I'm just
wondering if I could catch on how to use

it. A ten -year -old can use this, Mr.
Greenfetter.

All you have to do is... Aim it at any
window, anything within a thousand

meters, and you can hear every syllable
of every word that's spoken inside.

Amazing. Laser technology.

Even with the window shut?

Shut tight as a drum.

When someone talks, the window pane acts
like the diaphragm of a microphone.

Vibrations occur, which are then bounced
back to the laser receiver.

The scientific principle being...

Angle of incidence is equal to the angle
of reflection.

Are you following me?

Close enough to let you know you just
closed the deal.

Very good, very good.

I just need your security clearance
number.

You know, the government is rather
sticky about certification.

Hey, no problem. I've got my clearance
right here.

I'll get it. I'll get it.

Who is it?

Your mother.

What's the password?

I brought these back.

special trip, though. Good morning,
town.

Good morning.

Why is the door locked?

Uh, we've had a lot of robberies in the
neighborhood.

Well, you're a detective and he's a cop,
but what are you worried about?

Is that paint I smell or what you're
cooking, town?

It's just cooking paint.

What is that?

Okra delight. It's my own invention. We
got okra, goat cheese, poppy seeds, red

peppers, and just the right amount of
hot sauce.

I can't believe a man who cooks that
could complain about a catered dinner.

You talked to her. You talked to Temple.
You might say so, yes.

Why are you doing that in here? You
should be outside.

It's too hot. There's too much glare.

Come on, Sophia. What did she say?

Well, if you're fishing for information,
you're wasting your time. I only saw

her for a few minutes because she was
going out on a date.

She's dating somebody already?

We just had an argument last night and
she's dating?

Well, what do you expect her to do? I
mean, there are lots of handsome,

intelligent men who aren't threatened by
her career.

I have been trying to call her. I left
messages all over the place. She won't

even give me a chance to explain.

Well, I don't think you should explain.
There are certain men who have problems

with successful women, and you're one of
them.

Mom, I think you're being a... You stay
out of this.

You know what the real tragedy is, Tom?

You're old -fashioned.

You're afraid to take the risk of
exploring a mature relationship.

You're afraid that if you stayed at
Temple's, you wouldn't have the courage

say goodbye.

I don't want to say goodbye.

Well, then call her.

I've been trying.

Try Channel 3 at 8 .30 tonight.

She'll be right next to the phone.

Hello, I'd like to speak to Ed
Weingarten, please.

Is this 5559231?

And there's no Ed Weingarten there.

Okay, sorry, I guess I was given the
wrong number.

My friends, I kid you not, you're in for
a treat tonight.

The treat of your life.

What in the world do you call this?

Okra delight.

Yeah. It's a vegetarian dish. My own
invention.

What's in it?

Okra, goat feed, poppy seeds, and just
the right amount of hot sauce.

I, uh... I think I'm just gonna save
mine for tomorrow.

Excuse me.

I'll get it.

I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it.

Hello.

I know this is A .J., but he's right
here.

Hold on.

Hi.

Hello?

Rick, Ed Weingarten.

Oh, hey, I tried to call you. I've got
good news. We checked out the motel.

There was no sign of Dorothy, so we
think the whole thing's a false alarm.

There's a coffee shop at the corner of
3rd and Benson called Yvonne's. I want

you and your brother to meet me there in
15 minutes.

Why? Because I just caught Dorothy red
-handed.

It was terrible.

I have to talk to someone.

I'm so desperate, I just might take my
own life.

And add...

He wants us to meet him at a coffee shop
in 15 minutes.

I knew there was something weird about
this guy talking suicide.

I'll go. No, no, no, no. You stay. He's
my client. I brought him in. You hate

these kind of kids. You haven't finished
your okra delight, all right?

You know, you just can't fool around
with suicides. Town, thanks for a really

lovely dinner. Make sure you write down
the recipe for this stuff.

This smells just delicious.

But I... I really am worried about my
ulcer.

What ulcer? The ulcer I'm going to have
if I eat this.

Whoa, down.

It's just about 8 .30.

I don't want to forget to call Temple.

I'm counting the minutes.

No, no, no.

Not appear too eager.

Hello?

Is this Mr. H .A. Simon?

Yes, it is.

Mr. Simon, this is the emergency room at
Memorial Hospital. We have your brother

here. There's been a serious accident.

Are you sure?

I don't think it could be my brother. I
mean, he only just left here a little

while ago.

If you're A .J. Simon, it is your
brother. He's had a head -on collision

truck, and right now he's in critical
condition.

It was a Code 3 radio dispatch call.

I don't know where you live or what the
situation is. Um, well, I don't

see how it could have happened so fast.
I mean, Memorial's halfway across town.

Richard B. Simon?

That's right. We think you should hurry.

Yeah, of course.

Yes, I'm on my way. Thank you.

John, I'm going to go out for a little
bit.

Taking your gun for a walk?

Yes, I think you ought to get yours to
keep the doors locked.

It's Jenkins, isn't it?

I think he's in that new condo right
across the canal.

Well, on the bright side, we don't have
to play games anymore.

Nixon told you, didn't he?

Who's Nixon?

Oh, the guy who's been hanging around
outside for the past two nights trying

look invisible.

What a surprise.

Yeah, take him with you. I'll call for
backup.

Someone's dead, but doesn't look like
Jenkins.

You sure?

It's him, AJ.

Hold on. He's done something.

Dyed his hair. Maybe you know his job.
But I'm telling you, it's Jenkins.

Well, my apologies, town.

Nixon says it is him.

How can he be dead? You just talked to
him.

You got me. No bullet wound. No sign of
a struggle.

Just have to wait for the coroner to
tell us that.

Well, thanks.

Can't say I'm not relieved.

And look, say thanks to that other guy
who's been hanging around your porch all

night, all right?

You got it.

Yikes!

Hello. If this is Brown, you're already
12 minutes... Look, baby, I'm sorry, but

we had a real scare around here tonight.

Oh, sure you did. You got so scared, you
forgot that Alexander Graham Bell

invented the telephone.

Sweetie pie.

Here's what you call me. Wait a minute,
Temple. I didn't tell Cecilia.

I don't know who you are.

Maybe not.

But you surely knew my daughter.

Dorothy? You're Dorothy Jenkins' father?
Dorothy Epperson.

Before she married that pig.

And that's the only way I want to
remember her.

Coroner's on the way.

What's your number? I want to give the
lieutenant a call.

I bet the line's busy.

He's probably talking to Temple.

Mr. Epperson.

Please don't do anything you'll be sorry
for.

Sorry? Oh, I'm way past sorry.

This is my night of pure joy.

I've already killed our pig, number one.

But that is only half my fun.

You found Jenkins and you killed him. Is
that what you're saying?

Who do you think arranged for his
escape?

Who do you think followed him down into
San Diego?

That was him shooting at me?

Someone's after town.

Send the backup over to my house and
come as quick as you can.

Mr. Epperson, your daughter was in the
act of committing a felony, robbing a

bank.

We asked her to surrender, but she fired
at us point blank.

That doesn't matter. The only real thing
that existed tonight is that you killed

Dorothy.

You killed my daughter.

The shop never showed up.

Brown.

Brown. Look, Brown, I know what you're
doing. You and the Hardy boys are

around on the floor trying to make me
think there's some kind of crisis over

there. Hey, look, I am not buying it for
a second. Do you hear me?

Well,

we're sure going to miss you, Tom.

Sad but true. People always hate to see
me go.

Yeah.

That just about does it. Not quite.

I was making up the bed.

Are these yours?

You could have put them in a bag.

Boutique underwear?

The man wears boutique underwear?

And Mom called him a Victorian?

She didn't say Victorian. She said old
-fashioned. I see that the second thing

we're going to have to do is change my
baby's taste in unmentionable.

What's the first thing?

Wouldn't you like to know?

Town.

Look, guys, thanks a lot.

I really mean it. Don't mention it. Drop
by any time you're in the neighborhood.

By the way, dinner tonight is on me.

Okra delight.