All language subtitles for Simon & Simon s05e22 Act Five

I think the judge is about ready to call
for a recess.

The sensational Price divorce trial

continued into its second week today as
Robin Price, the former Las Vegas

showgirl, stunned the courtroom by
accusing her husband of inviting certain

unnamed business acquaintances to have
sex with them.

Now, Mr. Price had to be visibly
restrained by his lawyers, as his

wife continued her assault on his
behavior during their short but stormy

marriage that rocked the affluent
community of Rancho Santa Cruz.

Are you going to name names?

Do you have anything to say about Mr.
Price?

Mr.

Price, can we have a comment, please?

Well, all I'd like to say is that it
isn't true. I know it looks bad. If I

just locate my former chauffeur, Anthony
Checo, he could testify on my behalf,

and perhaps I could... Well... That's
all I really want to say right now.

you very much.

Boy, she's killing me in there. You got
any good news?

Well, we track Checo north of
Sacramento, then back south to Ensenada.

That's it.

She's gonna get away with this.

I just can't believe it.

Well, uh, we think he may be doubling
back to here. We're gonna stake out his

apartment around the clock.

Around the clock? Well, my clock is
about running out. Couple of more days

court and, uh... Don't give up. A lot
can happen in 48 hours. We haven't given

up hope, John, and you shouldn't either.

Thanks, fellas.

I think there's still some more coffee
here.

I think I'll pass this round.

I will never understand how any
intelligent man could be fooled by a

her. It happened to me once. I said
intelligent man. She was a dancer in an

Ogalis cantina, and I was just another
dusty American.

Was this the one with the 23 brothers
and sisters and uncles and aunts and

mothers and fathers that all wanted to
come into this country?

Carlos told you. Well, he told me he had
to wrap you up in bailing wire and drag

you kicking and screaming back across
the border.

Yeah, well, a Mexican moon and a bottle
of mezcal can do strange things to a

man. Yeah, especially mezcal.

Yeah.

AJ?

We got him.

Hey,

I don't know what you're talking about.

Then you won't mind going with us, will
you?

Look, I told you I don't want any
trouble.

I already told her I wasn't going to lie
on the road.

Well, disappearing during the hearing is
one way to avoid lying, isn't it?

Was she generous in her appreciation?

Okay, I'm going to try this one more
time.

How generous was she? Twenty grand!

Good.

Any comment, Mrs. Price?

Please. Mr.

Price, how do you feel? Did you expect
the judgment?

Well, I'm awfully glad that my name and
reputation have been cleared.

What do you plan to do now?

Well, I intend to take a few days off in
Newport Beach, relax and try to forget.

Do you think you'll marry again, ever?

Well, I'm going to be a lot more careful
next time. You know, I had to learn the

hard way.

Of course, it would have been a lot
harder if it hadn't have been for my

friends. Rick and A .J. Simon.

Let's swing by prices so we can get a
check in the bank.

In the bank?

Are you serious? Rick, it's not going to
hurt you to put something away for a

rainy day.

You look for rainy days, you're going to
find rainy days.

Well, as a matter of fact...

I have had my eye on some watercolors by
that wildlife artist, Garcia.

Hey, Jay, this is outdoor money.

Outdoor money?

$20 ,000. That's the biggest fee we've
had in two years. You are not allowed to

spend that kind of money indoors.

Okay, so how are you going to spend it?

Well, I don't want you to get too
excited.

I'll survive.

I'm going to float the boat.

You okay?

You shouldn't do that to a guy.

Boy, I can see it now.

Me and Bambi Rizzoli drifting aimlessly
off the coast of Cabo San Lucas.

Boy, I can see it now.

My own backyard.

Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it.
Isn't that the same car the checker was

driving?

What the hell is he doing here?

Trying to rip off the house?

I've been very generous with you, Tony.

Price.

I saved you millions of bucks. We had an
arrangement.

You had no idea what those two
detectives put me through. They almost

with me in Anaheim. All right, I'll tell
you what I'll do. I'll give you $5 ,000

more, but I don't ever want to see you
or hear from you again.

Wow.

Am I glad to see you.

This man is threatening me, asking me to
pay him.

We're telling the truth.

We heard the truth.

Who in the hell do you think you are,
Simon? You've got nothing on me. We

blood for you. Of course you did.

You did exactly what I wanted you to.
You were magnificent.

You earned your entire fee.

Very good.

Price, we're going to go straight to the
DA.

Do you think a couple of ten cents Sam
Spades are going to change anything?

We'll do our best.

Everybody knows that you're on the side
of who pays you. So now you're on the

side of my ex -wife, eh?

You're gonna change your story.

Who's gonna back you up?

Him?

$20 ,000.

That's your fee.

What happened?

You guys get a stab of conscience?

Mrs. Price, we made a horrible mistake.

We were set up. We only just now found
out about it.

Makes me feel a whole lot better.

I got a one -way ticket back to the
chorus line, and you guys come over to

you're sorry.

Great.

Great. This is for you from John.

I wanted you to have it.

Obviously, you deserve more than that.

Say that again.

It's very nice of you.

Thanks.

What do you do now?

Back to Vegas?

It's really the only thing I know how to
do.

John Price was supposed to change all
that.

Wouldn't know it now, but when he came
into my life, he swept me off my feet.

I thought I was in one of those old
romantic movies.

Then I found out what he was really
like.

Didn't we all?

Oh, you have no idea the ways he hurt
me.

Oh, well.

Still got a few years left in these
legs.

Don't you think?

Mrs. Price, he used us to destroy you.

We're not going to let him get away with
that.

We couldn't very well live with
ourselves if we did.

What are you going to do?

We're going to watch him.

Sooner or later, you'll make a mistake.

Mistake?

Haven't you figured it out yet?

John doesn't make mistakes.

Too smart.

At least for me, anyway.

Maybe for you, too.

Act natural, Nixon.

I am acting natural.

More natural.

We're undercover here. Just stand there
for a second, okay?

What's Price doing in there with Towne?

I swear I'm not a complaint.

Lincoln's too.

You. He says you've been following him
all day wearing silly costumes.

You can't go around harassing innocent
people. Innocent? Maybe you didn't

understand what Price did.

I understand the law, and you're on the
wrong side of it. We need some help

here. Price cannot be allowed to get
away with this. There's got to be

that we can do that's legal.

Can you prove Price lied?

We've pressed some of the witnesses.
We've gone over the transcript.

Can you prove that Checo was paid by
Price? That must have been in cash.

a dead end, and Checo's gone.

Well, I'm afraid you guys are going to
have to eat a raw one on this one, guys.

You are what you eat. Fine. You can't
help us on this. I know somebody who

I understand Lucky's getting out.

You're making a big mistake here.

Well, I don't see any options.

You can stop him, A .J.

I just don't see what else we can do,
town.

Well, in that case, I'm washing my
hands. Whatever happens, I don't want to

know. I don't want to know.

And don't bother to call me when you
find yourself trying to slide out of a

And there'll be one, I promise you.
There always is with Luke.

He'll try to run the con on anyone, even
you.

When we were kids, my mother would
always say, somebody's got to look out

your cousin Luke.

That's my advice to you. Look out for my
cousin Luke.

Hey, Julie.

Well, can I come in?

Well, aren't you at least a little glad
to see me?

What do you want from me, Lucky?

Oh, no.

I have a plan. No, you always have a
plan. No, I have a plan to get out of

for once and for all.

Don't you try and hustle me.

I have been conscious once too often,
and I don't think... No!

You are a hustler. You were born a
hustler, and you will die a hustler.

Come on.

Fight. There you go. Sir.

What? I think you dropped your wallet.

No, that's not mine.

Oh, it's not?

Well, let's see if there's any IP in
here.

Well, there's $200 in cash in here.

It's a pigeon drop.

He's out for two days, and he's already
back in his old turf hustling another

sucker for a grub steak.

Come on, let's go.

Wait, wait, wait a minute. You're
confusing me. All right, listen.

You take the wallet with the $200,
right?

Right. All right, you give me your $75,
good faith, right? Sounds good. Then if

nobody comes to claim the wallet, give
me that.

Second thought, I'm going to turn this
wallet into the lost and found.

Come on in.

Hey, Lucky.

What's happened, man? You look like you
lost some weight.

Oh, prison food.

No more of that.

No, no. Hey, I'm turning over a new
leaf. I'm a new man. Good. That's good

hear.

Well, now that we've gotten rid of all
the bull, what's going down, guys?

We need your advice.

We want to run a sting.

You too?

What happened? The crime -busting
business fall off since I've been away?

An ex -client of ours hung his ex -wife
out to dry.

He used us to do it, and we don't like
that.

Guy's rolling in money. We figure heels
are a good piece of it.

What do you get out of it?

Even.

Look, you guys are good.

I've seen that scam you run as... What's
his name?

Boyer? Yeah, yeah, Ernie Boyer, D -E -A.

Ernie's been real good to me.

Very nice touches.

Thank you.

Arthur Crumsit. That's one of your gags,
right?

Yeah. And, you know, of course, we've
added quite a bit to the repertoire

we saw you last.

I'm sure they're all great.

I love Ted Mack as much as the next guy,
but you can't run the big sting with

amateurs.

I wouldn't exactly call us amateurs. I
mean, we've pulled this off a few times.

I could run it on him, and he'd never
know he was taken.

Lucky, you're on parole.

This is our risk, not yours. All you
have to do is walk us through the

of it.

Yeah.

Simon and Schuster offered me a 20 grand
advance if I wrote it all down in a

book. I laughed in their faces.

I certainly ain't gonna give it to Simon
and Simon for free.

Now, I'm going to run it anyway, sooner
or later, with or without you, so it

might as well go for a worthy cause.

Now, I usually get 40 % off the top, but
for you, let's make it 40 % off the

top. Oh, and I'm going to need quite a
bit of extra help.

Come on, Julie, let me in.

Julie!

Ross.

You're looking very dapper, Lucky.

What do you want, Ross?

Just a great big piece of your butt.

Look, Ross, you knew the risk when you
bought in. We all lost. Just a bad

investment. 200 grand into an oil field
that didn't even exist?

You better pick your pigeons more
carefully, Lucky.

That is when you're able to walk again.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Ross, listen.

You want blood or you want money?

Well? I'm thinking.

Look, I'm into a great deal here.

I could double your lousy $200 ,000. I
swear.

Look at the new suit, all this stuff.

I already got two suckers on the line.

Okay.

Triple it, and I'll listen.

Deal. Who, what, when, where, and how?

A couple of private dicks. Rick and A
.J. Simon.

They think I'm running the big sting for
them.

But you're running it for you.

I always do.

I want to be there for the play.

And if you even look like you're
thinking double -cross, the next time,

broken legs.

Next time, broken hearts.

For all the ladies who'll miss you after
you've... Go on. You understand me?

Let's get out of here.

Get out.

Get out.

Make sure they're ready to go.

Yo. Oh, hi, AJ.

This is getting out of control.

No, we'll be all packed up and out to
Newport Beach in just a few hours.

Who are all these people?

They're friends of Lucky's. See, that's
Overcoat Jake over there, and this is

Golden Gate Mike and Limehouse Champion
over here.

The man has charged thousands of dollars
to my account, and now my house is

filled with people named Overcoat and
Limehouse?

Lucky? Could I talk to you for a moment?
Excuse us.

Hello, boys.

In record time.

Yes, the congressman borrowed Air Force
Two for me.

Our sponsors, A .J. and Rick Simon.

Cotton McKenzie, the best roper in the
business.

Currently doing an excellent job
lobbying in Washington for the textile

industry.

Yes, always check the label and make
sure it's cotton.

I certainly will. Would you excuse us
just a moment, please?

So, you're a roper. Mm -hmm.

What's a roper?

Well, I wrap the mark in a pretty little
ribbon and I bring them into the store.

Sounds like fun.

Oh, yes. I enjoy my work.

You met the guys over there, didn't you?

I knocked, but I don't think they could
hear me over the din. Oh, hi, town. We

were just, uh... I don't want to know.

Oh, hello, cousin.

You looking for me?

I'm not your cousin today. I'm a cop.

Consider this a route.

Hey, watch the suit.

Be careful. I own that suit.

I'm going to ignore the fact that you're
probably violating your parole by

consorting with no carefully selected
associates without records of

You crossed me once before and I busted
you.

I'll do it again.

You bust me, you bust your best friends.

Listen to me, Luke.

If anything happens to Rick and AJ, if
you cross them, if this house happens to

fall on them, I'll find you no matter
where you are.

Then it'll be just you and me, cousin.

Hello?

A little too sporty, Marty.

Keep him on the conservative side. He
looks more like a shoe salesman than a

stockbroker. Excuse us, Lucky?

Listen, guys, I'm really awfully busy
right now. Well, yeah, I suggest it.

we don't know what you want us to do.

Well, why don't you take in a movie? A
movie?

No, no, see, we...

We don't know what you want us to do
with the sting.

Well, to be honest with you guys, the
best thing you could do is just stand

way over there out of the way.

Okay.

Excuse me.

Thank you, everybody.

We're calling the whole thing off.

People, be cool.

Listen, now the mark knows you, right?

He's already spotted you on
surveillance.

You could blow the whole deal.

Lucky, I don't want to say that we don't
trust you.

But we don't trust you.

Hey, look, if you can turn these...
These friends of yours.

Thank you, friends of yours, into
stockbrokers, you can surely find a use

us. Use?

Yeah.

Hey, Marty.

You remember those costumes we used in
Beirut just before the war?

You look beautiful. Thanks.

I don't believe it.

Huh? Lucas Brown. He made my father a
fortune in penny oil stocks.

Broker?

Yeah. He buys and sells brokers.

We met him in Miami.

He's got big money behind him.

So I see.

But I don't mess around with penny
stocks, Gretchen.

I do all my gambling in Las Vegas.

But that's the wonderful part, darling.

He never guesses. He knows in advance
whether a stock is going up or going

Oh. I mean, I don't understand it
myself, but my daddy told me that

partners can control the prices, and
they tell him when to buy and when to

I wonder if he remembers me.

Hey, Luke!

Luke Brown!

Don't you remember me?

It's Gretchen, Ben Forrest's daughter.

Of course, of course. How are you? I'm
so sorry.

Okay. This is John Price.

Nice to meet you. Pleasure. He's a very
close friend of the family. How is your

father? Still spending your money.

Good, good.

Her father and I could have taken
another ten million out of Miami before

media started to get wise.

Same thing happened in London, eh? Look
at this.

I tell you, when the press starts to
notice you, it's time to leave.

Who do we see you walking in with?

Oh, Elimir Hamali Kartaka from El Ram.
Maybe you've heard about the public

relations problems he's having in his
country.

No.

Oh, his subjects want to tie his limbs
to four white horses.

But he does have friends in the oil
cartel.

And they're helping him with his moving
expenses, you know.

Little juggling of the market.

Yesterday he took home a million tools.

You're kidding.

Say, how would you feel about helping
the daughter of an old friend make a

little spending cash with a couple of
your tips?

I don't think I can, darling. You see,
not without the mayor's consent.

But he does have a weakness for
beautiful women.

Well, here, let me introduce you to him.
We'll ask him.

Oh, by the way, you don't happen to
speak Arabic, do you?

No. Well, the Emir doesn't speak a word
of English.

I'll have to translate.

The Emir says that sometimes

a beautiful woman is more dangerous than
an armed Bedouin.

Like him I am. But who cares?

Looks like you've made a friend.

Quiet.

Quiet.

Keep your eye on Antioch Oil.

Our friends have instructed us to buy
when the price falls to 19 cents and

when it reaches 63.

Hello, Mr. Brown.

Pay him here.

500 ,000 shares of Antioch Oil, please.

At 19 cents?

Yes. Oh, and my friends here would like
to make a purchase.

Um...

A thousand shares.

Is that too small?

John?

Nothing for me, thank you.

Put it in for both of us.

It's my present to you, John, for a
wonderful new friendship.

No, I... I'm sorry, unless you have an
account with us or have established

credit, I can't take an order for you
here. Excuse me, excuse me. The mayor

I will vouch for you.

Here we are.

$200 profit.

A piece. Oh, I can't accept that. Oh,
come on. Don't be silly, John. We're

partners, remember?

You know,

the Emir is absolutely right. There's no
need to argue. We'll just reinvest it

later, all right? Oh, okay. Hey, let's
go have lunch.

Fine.

State Department, Western Office.

Have a seat. What can I do for you?

I'm following up a rather odd report.

As you may know, the emir of Al -Haram
is seeking political asylum in this

country.

It's really rather a dicey affair. The
boys in Washington are grappling over

ramifications. Is he in San Diego?

Actually, we had no idea he was already
in the country.

That is, we got a report from Newport
Beach that he had checked into a hotel

there a couple days ago.

Must have come in through Mexico.
Anyway, the point is...

The emir is in the company of a man
named Lucas Brown.

Well, sir, we did some checking, and,
uh... Yeah, I know. He's my cousin.

Your emir wants no part of him.

That's what I was afraid of.

I'm on my way there now.

We'll find out soon enough what's going
on.

Uh, it's pretty quiet around here. You
mind if I tag along? I can handle Luke.

enjoy the company. Your cousin probably
has no idea what he's gotten himself

involved in.

We have confirmed reports that agents
from Al -Haram are already in this

country. If they find the emir before we
do, they'll kill him.

Here comes Luke now.

My friends, El Amir has been called back
to L .A. for a foreign policy

debriefing. We'll have to go up for just
a few hours.

I'm very sorry to hear that.

We were about to take the really big
plunge.

Well, I don't see any reason why you
can't go on by yourself. When El Amir

the instructions, I'll call you and tell
you how to invest.

Oh, by the way, you'll have to be there
and ready, though. It happens very

quickly.

Weeks in Bora Bora?

What are you talking about?

What was that all about?

I think he's after the emir.

What?

I better call the police.

No. John, we can't do that.

Why not?

I mean, what we're involved in here,
isn't it kind of illegal after all?

Legal?

Yeah, we'll wait until Luke comes back
this afternoon, and then we'll tell him.

I'm sure nothing's going to happen until
then.

I hope, I'm sure.

Maybe they just didn't have time.

Telephone call for you, Mr. Price. Where
do I think? You can take it online.

This is John Price.

Lucas Brown here.

Can you hear me? I'm calling from a
limo. Well, yes, I can hear you, but

barely. As -salamu alaykum.

The mayor says hello.

Listen, here it is.

Buy Antioch oil when it drops below 30.

Get out at 55.

Got it?

30.

Yes, I've got it. Oh, by the way, I want
to warn you about something.

connection. Must go, old boy. Good luck.

All news, all the time.

1350 on the radio dial.

Now here's a look at the national
headlines.

On the national news front, the federal
judge in Chicago today rules against...

Uh, hello.

I'd like to place an order, please. Five
million shares of Antioch Oil at, uh,

30... 29.

That's a million and a half dollar
order.

heard me talking on the telephone to Mr.
Brown and said that you'd be able to

help us. Well, then you're placing an
order for the Emir. No, no, no. It's my

money. It's my money and my bank in San
Diego. The Emir is going to vouch for

us. Will you please place the order?
You're costing us money.

Now.

For the next 60 seconds, this will be a
test of the emergency broadcast system.

Please stay tuned.

What do you think?

Should we make him sweat for a while?

Why not?

Let's drop it a few more cents.

Make him sweat.

See anything like that?

There

it

is. Hey, hey, sell.

Antioch, 55.

That's more than a million dollars
profit.

Not a bad morning.

It's just the beginning.

Excuse me, Mr. Price.

I've been asked to approve this check
for you for $1 ,300 ,000. Right.

No problem.

Yes, there's a problem. You don't have
an account with us. You have no local

credit. As far as I'm concerned, this
order should never, never have been

accepted. But it was.

And I want the money.

Lucas Brown and the emir vouched for us.

I'm sorry, no one can vouch for a $1
,500 ,000 order, ma 'am. I'm sorry.

here made a terrible mistake, a mistake
that's very likely costing his job. Let

me ask you a question.

How did you intend to pay?

Had you lost money on this transaction,
hmm? I have the money to cover the

purchase, but it's in my bank in San
Diego.

San Diego.

Well, if that's true, you'll get your
profits. In the meantime, I'd like to

on to this until you can show me a
certified check for the full purchase

I'd like to tell you something else, Mr.
Price. Had you not been a friend of

Amir and Mr. Brown, you'd never have
done this.

Hmm?

I will wire my banks, have them wire me
the money, and we'll be back in a couple

of hours.

Very good.

Thank you.

Yeah, Ross, it's lucky.

It's coming down in a few hours. You
said you wanted to be here.

Yeah.

They have to give us their profits now.

Hey, give me that.

Well, this looks like it'll be
satisfactory. I'll deposit this and

new check in the full amount, including
your profits. Okay?

The front desk said they could be
reached at a brokerage house a few miles

here. I asked for a local police escort
just to be on the safe side. Good idea.

Gentlemen.

I'm glad you're here. We don't have much
time.

The OPEC oil ministers are about to
reach a price agreement.

It's the first one since the late 70s.

The price of oil is going to skyrocket.

Antioch oil is up 88.

Yes, the rumors are already starting to
get around. But that's nothing.

It'll shoot up to 250 as soon as the
official announcement is made.

I suggest you buy all you can as fast as
you can.

Ten million shares of Antioch Oil for
the Emir.

Here's your check, Mr. Price.

Buy Antioch Oil.

How much?

All you can.

Now.

Yes, sir.

Congratulations.

You're a rich man.

Excuse me, Mr. Brown, there's a phone
call for the emir. You can take it on

two.

The Saudis have pulled the plug on the
deal.

Always the Saudis.

What?

Are you finished with him?

I was conducting business deal with him.

I think it would be best for all
concerned if you would just leave, Mr.

I'd hate for the emir and his bodyguard
to go to prison for what they were doing

with Price.

I knew if it came down to it, we'd count
on you.

Hey, come on, tell him. Don't you think
this is just a little bit ridiculous?

I'm sorry I don't have enough cuffs to
go around, so I hope you don't mind

sharing. Give me those cuffs. You're not
a cop.

I can't let you do... What are you
doing, man?

May I have your hand, please?

What?

There you go.

How? No, that's the one thing you must
not do, is ask how.

Well, I must tell you something.

No, we'll just... Take back the fee that
John gave us, but you do owe Lucky a

percentage. No, not Lucky.

Lucky died yesterday in Newport Beach.
I'm going to bury him there.

That's what I wanted out of this.

That and a very special lady I know.

No, no, Mrs. Price, you keep your money.
I think it's time for me to find a more

legitimate way to utilize my talents,
hmm?

I think you'd make a real uptown sort of
guy.

Well, they always hoped I'd grow up to
be uptown, Brown.

Think it's still available?

We'll put in a good word with Towner if
he ever speaks to us again.

Well, I guess I ought to head over to
the bank.

Oh, no, no, no, Mrs. Price. You don't
want to put all of that money into a

Listen, I have heard of some very, very
interesting business investments.