Original subtitles

You do not want to see your men die one by one. You tell me now who has the

medallia of Atahualpa.

Martin Fielding is used to buying anything and anyone. Rick!

Anyone he wants.

So why is he coming to buy high -tech security from a seat -of -the -pants

outfit like Simon and Simon?

Because we are just about to flip into a new pair of trousers.

I'm rather comfortable with the old pair, thank you very much.

Stop thief.

Now, Simon and Simon, renowned personal investigators since 1968.

Creative license.

I'll say, I was still in high school.

Announced creation of their intruder division featuring the... S &S. Total

protection concept.

Design, sales, and installation.

Rick, how many of these have you distributed?

Well, let's see. Carlos covered La Jolla. I hit all the high -end

up to Del Mar.

Five fixed out in tops.

Oh, my God.

Yep, pretty soon you're going to be seeing these little triangles on the

lawns in town. Warning, this property protected by S &S security.

I don't like being S &S.

Well, it's a little triangle.

Rick, come on, we're not rent -a -cops, we're private detectives.

Would you rather be a poor private detective or a rich rent -a -cop?

I'd rather be a poor private detective.

Yes, sir.

S &S, Ms. Fielding.

Hi, I'm Rick. We spoke on the phone. Come right on in. And this is my

.J., over here. A .J. Simon.

Simon and Simon.

Martin Fielding. How do you do?

Welcome to our little building.

Oh, this is your building. We like to keep low profile.

Yeah, very low.

Yes, low profile. Yes, I understand completely.

Maybe that's why I never heard of you before now.

Probably. But I did some quick checking and I discovered that you have a very

credible reputation.

At least one of you has.

Thank you.

And your prices are very reasonable.

Martin Fielding never objects to saving a dollar.

Well, gentlemen, if you'll come with me, my limo's just downstairs.

Limo.

Yes, yes.

Yes, the medallion of Ottawa, gentlemen.

Unique in all the world.

Not only as a piece of art, but as a unique, priceless relic of history.

I'll tell you, for obvious security reasons, I've neglected to inform the

of its impending arrival ever since the Peruvian government decided to present

it to me. And this is where it goes, gentlemen.

It's quite an honor.

Yes, well, I've funded quite a few schools and museums down in South

It's just a little token of appreciation, really.

To say nothing of the enormous tax advantages for fielding enterprises.

So you see, it's a healthy relationship all around.

Do you gentlemen foresee any problem with having the security system

by the time of the medallion's arrival tomorrow morning? No, no problem at all.

Piece of cake.

Excellent. Excellent.

Well, I would like to have one of you present on the premises at all times.

Fine. I'm sure the staff will make you quite comfortable. Thank you. And, by

way, could you do me one more little favor?

Keep half an eye on my daughters while I'm away.

Half an eye?

How old are your daughters?

Oh, yeah.

Stacy is 16, and Angela is 17.

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

Yes, but I'm sure there won't be any problem at all.

Preston is in charge, and he knows all the rules.

Here.

There is no such thing as keeping half an eye on teenage girls. We are not

babysitters, Rink. And Angela and I aren't babies.

Do we really need a prison guard's dad?

Stacy, you have to help me out on this. Now, you know I'm going to be worried

sick if I think that you two are here in this house all by yourselves.

All right.

Okay. Oh, would you have to do me a favor?

While you're in Ecuador, you go to the post office. I really need a... That

would complete the whole section. I'll have my secretary do it for you. Just

write down what you need.

Oh, excuse me.

Hey.

Ma 'am?

Uh, yeah.

Sure.

Oh, my goodness.

You've got quite a collection here.

Do you collect stamps?

I used to until someone in my family used my rarest

stamp to mail a letter overseas to a girl that he met through a Swedish

volleyball quarterly.

I would have to admit, A .J. Inga's return letters made it worthwhile.

No, they didn't.

Here's my rarest.

My gramps left it to me as well.

Oh, my goodness.

I've never even seen one of those before.

If you have any problems, just consult Preston. He knows how to contact me if

need be.

I'll be back on Monday.

Stacy, where is your sister at late?

I don't know. It's not my week to watch, so I don't know.

You be a good girl now. Let's give this to Angela.

Goodbye,

Daddy.

I love you.

Where did Carlos get all this stuff? Don't worry, none of it's hot. He's got

second cousin who's in the Mexican FBI, and he got us a great deal on this

stuff. It's all state -of -the -art, off -the -line equipment.

Yeah? Yep.

Uh -huh.

Rick?

Are you aware that the instructions are all in Spanish?

Oh, well, that's no problem. I speak Spanish. I ought to be able to figure

the instructions.

Yeah, Rick, but...

I think it's a little tougher than saying what time does happy hour start.

Why don't I read the Spanish and you open the box, all right?

Which one?

AJ. Both the blonde hair and the great body.

I've got to admit, he's a lot better looking than most of the keepers dad

for us when he's away.

He'd be like the type of me.

Why? What type is he?

Well, you know.

Early American boy? Yeah.

But he irons his underwear and gets his hair styled by Tony in La Jolla.

Start tenderizing those guys.

That's it? This is what you do for a living?

Set up these little thingamajigs?

As a matter of fact, it takes advanced technical skill to set up these little

thingamajigs.

And a fair amount of concentration. So how about I tell you the Rick Simon

some other time, okay?

Maybe we can help.

Yeah. No, really, we each spend a year with the South American family during

Fielding's great get -rid -of -the -kids -during -the -messy -divorce -foreign

-exchange program.

We can read Spanish better than English.

So? So does Rick.

If we're here, we won't be out in the streets getting into trouble.

Okay.

Go for it.

Because, well, I mean, the word is Spanish.

Now that we're doing this for you, would you do something for us?

What? Let us go out tomorrow night to the Iliad?

It's a teenage disco.

Don't ask us. Ask Preston.

Oh, we can't find Preston.

Why not? Where is he?

We don't know where he is.

He's in love with the lady who delivers the laundry, and whenever my dad's not

around, he gets into her truck with her, and they disappear.

So can we?

No.

Absolutely not.

That's not fair.

Look, your dad asked us to keep an eye on you. All right, then how about this?

Suppose we just had a couple of friends over here.

That's a fair compromise.

Didn't we used to do this to Mom when we were kids? Yeah, but it didn't work.

Okay, Angela, what's the next step?

Angela!

Drill four three -millimeter holes for the mounting brackets.

No need to yell.

You stuck the drill bits in your hat band so you wouldn't lose them?

I did.

Hey, Ricky, who are your favorite groups when you were my age?

I was never your age, and don't call me Ricky.

Who would your parents have hated the most?

I've got it.

Had to be early Rolling Stones, right?

Sympathy for the devil, satisfaction, let's spend the night together, right?

Let's read.

Did you wear your hair long or were you a greaser?

AJ, listen to this.

Stacy, look, I've got to finish this. I'm perfectly candid. Just before his

death at the hands of the Spanish conquistadors, the last great Incan

Walther,

What was the curse supposed to be?

That whoever possessed the medallion would lose whatever it was he loved the

most.

Well, I guess I'm safe.

Well, it's not that bad. He's just, um... He's just real busy.

Yeah, my dad was busy a lot, too.

I mean, we got along okay, but I know how you feel.

It isn't easy.

Oh, you...

Do you have any boyfriends yet?

You will.

I know I'd be standing in line.

Um,

have you seen a pair of pliers, needle -nose pliers with blue handles?

Yeah.

Oh, thank you.

There it is it will not be long now my friend we will both be rich

It seems to be in order

That's it.

This is the national treasure of our people.

And I promise you we will take very good care of it.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Just switch on the pressure alarm.

It's working.

As far as we can tell, it's like searching a national forest. We've got

out there.

What do you have? Just about zip. Beats me how anybody got in down here so fast

in the first place.

What do you mean?

Well, look around at this security system.

Overlapping interior or exterior video cameras, floods, laser detectors on all

the windows, pressure sensors under the floor covering, proximity sensors in the

medallion exhibition case, all tied into video cameras with silent alarms to the

nearest cop house.

I mean, you almost need written instructions from the installers to get

all this hardware.

You did something right.

Yes, and we had help doing it.

Questions?

Like, what kind of questions? Just questions you worry about.

Now, we tried to talk to them, but so far they don't have any other stuff

So, well, it's a felony like Grant Larson.

I just don't like taking chances. Grand larceny.

What do you think the guy will get?

Five years' time, son.

Oh, that brings up a good point. Does your father have an attorney you would

like to call?

Have you gotten in contact with the father yet?

Well, we've tried, Lieutenant, but unfortunately Preston, the houseman, is

only one who knows how to get in touch with a dad.

Nobody's seen Preston since yesterday, sir.

Let's see.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to hold him in the lockup until we find the old

man. Lockup? Isn't that a little extreme? I mean, there are a lot of hard

in there. My hands are tired.

Polygraph's ready, Lieutenant.

All right, let's go.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Go funny, you guys.

We give, okay?

It was just a joke.

Bad joke.

Where is it?

I love it. It's a perfect stash box.

Oh, man.

What a bummer.

What do you mean, a bummer? Well, bummer is a popular... I know what a bummer

is. What I want to know is... Where is the medallion?

It's gone, man.

I hid it in a secret compartment in my guitar case, man, but they took it. They

took my guitar.

Who is they?

Well... There are these guys I owe a couple of bucks to down at the...

And last week they were getting a little, um, intense about it, you know.

Well, you'd know.

I'll put out an APB without too many details.

If the true stir of this medallion gets out, the press will have a heel day and

we'll never get it back.

Well, what about the value of my guitar?

Hey, man, I love that guitar!

You've just been cursed by Attawalpa.

And unless I hear some names, I'm going to get a little intense myself.

And he can make Attawalpa look like a day at the beach.

Who? Stoney and Burke.

It looks like something is wrong.

Maybe they did not find it.

You want to search the garage after they leave? No, no, no. We stay with them.

We can always come back later.

My, my, we've been busy little juvenile felons, haven't we?

Eh, we haven't been that busy.

No? And you know anything about the stolen guitar case or anything else that

taken from Ed's garage?

What can we say, Lieutenant?

All the trouble that me and Burke have had with the police almost have to be

chalked up to two sadly broken homes and society's general lack of interest in

its young people.

Right.

It says here on your sheet you reach legal age next month, Stoney.

I guess you figure that means a clean slate.

Well, I understand the legal system in our country allows its youthful

who have made a few mistakes, like myself, a second chance once they reach

age of adulthood.

Nope.

I'm afraid not.

You'll be starting out with this felony on your record.

I'm going to make sure this burglary sticks.

Uh, as my cousin explains here, what you're talking about totally violates my

civil rights.

There's no way you could do it.

No. You're bluffing. Oh.

Well,

we have your prints.

And I'm sure it's going to take, oh, close to three weeks to process them.

Say, until the very next day.

After your birthday.

Man, I cannot believe this. I cannot believe all this trouble of that little

rich...

Uh...

Under protest, could we maybe get into some kind of plea bargain situation

I used to know Stoney in junior high. We were on the debating team together.

It wasn't so bad back then.

Don't you just hate how people change when they get into high school?

Yeah.

Uh, Nixon?

Yo, wanna keep an eye on these two?

The whole line.

Cute, real cute.

Please don't talk to the prisoners, miss.

They were talking.

They were pretty.

Nixon, phone call, line three.

My dad's neat like this.

But you have to tell me where the guitar is.

I sold it to Conrad at the surf shop.

Kids like that will give you faith in the next generation.

Any luck?

I think they're ready to come across as soon as I get a public defender in the

room with them. I'll just hang loose for a few minutes.

Hey, Nixon, where'd the girl?

She didn't quit the ladies' room.

Nixon, I don't believe you.

Come on, Simon, I'm a police officer, not a babysitter. I'll buy half of that.

I warned you last year when the Pincus twins almost escaped.

They're not there.

You know where they are?

Lieutenant, I believe I have the right to an attorney. You also have the right

to a decent funeral.

Conrad's surf shop, 4 Mile Beach.

He can't do that.

What?

AJ, I think we picked up a tail.

Now what?

Loose boarding car?

Yeah. Yeah, I'd load it back at you, bud.

It's not Ed.

No, it's not Ed.

The girls are on the foot.

Town has got Stoney and Burke.

Who am I missing?

Preston. Right.

Maybe it's Preston. It won't be the first time anybody's seen him.

Maybe we better find out.

They're behind us.

No, sir.

Rick, you're never going to catch them in this thing.

Don't worry. Look at the license plates. They're rental.

Always work on the idle on those things. It cuts down on repairs.

It also cuts down on speed.

I don't think they did it on that one.

I wonder where they rent those.

Dad is going to kill us when he gets home. What are we going to tell him if

don't find it?

Sometimes it's just better to tell the truth.

Just kidding.

Don't worry.

We'll find it.

Maybe you can just tell him he lost it with the queens.

It arrived dirty. We wanted to shine it up for him a little.

Well, it worked for the sweater you lost at Peggy's house.

How about the padded?

It never arrived.

Rick and A .J. know it arrived.

Rick Smith told Dad the truth anyway.

And what's the honest truth?

It's their fault.

Look at it this way. We were just testing their security system. If it

good enough, it's not our fault.

No, I couldn't do that to Rick and A .J. They're kind of nice for old people.

Well, we just gotta find Conrad, then we'll find the medallion. It's a big

beast.

Nobody's gotta know where he is, Dave.

Got any money?

Better. I have my bank card.

Uh, excuse us.

We're looking for a couple of girls.

Well, come on. You can do better than that.

I don't think so.

Uh, no. What I meant was... Let me guess.

You're from New Hampshire, and all your lives you've heard all about California

girls, so you finally came all the way out here just to check them out for

yourselves. It happens all the time, but unfortunately, my boyfriend owns this

place, so I'm not available right now.

How'd she know that?

We're from San Diego.

What's all this about New Hampshire?

Actually, we're not looking for a couple of girls. We're looking for a guitar.

Conrad sells surfboards, wetsuits, skateboards, no guitars.

We're looking for a couple of girls who came in here looking for a guitar.

Oh, the two little girls?

Yeah. They're a little young for you, don't you think?

Do you happen to know where they are?

I told you they're looking for Conrad.

No, you didn't.

I told them that Conrad bought a guitar from a guy named Stoney this morning, so

they went down to the beach to look for him.

It's in his car.

Ah. And old Woody, his name's on the window sticker.

Hey, Carrie, you know where Conrad is?

He's testing his board on the beach. Why?

A couple of girls are paying people to help them find him. Where?

Down by the courts.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Got company?

Somehow good isn't exactly the word I would have chosen to describe this

situation.

Come on, baby, relax.

Let's go!

How's it going?

I'm doing it, of course.

Yeah, this used to be our beach.

Yeah. This is where Corky did the first takeoff on a pipeline.

Big Thursday.

I thought it was Big Wednesday. We were late.

Yeah? Well, this is our beach now. Yep.

What were we telling these guys?

They said something about taking it away from you.

They're pointing at it. What do you think they're saying?

Maybe they have la medalla de alta huelpa.

They seem to have something personal against you.

Said they were here to negotiate.

Good.

Come on, fellas.

Let's go negotiate.

move to the boardwalk.

Go.

To the prisoner transfer.

This is Angela and Stacey.

Well, they don't look nearly as dangerous as you described them.

Don't let their looks deceive you, Mom.

Actually, they're mostly just a danger to themselves.

Don't let them move. Don't even let them breathe.

We'll be back as soon as we can find their friend's guitar.

Don't worry. I've had experience in handling incorrigible children.

Mom, do you remember the Pincus twins?

The double murderers?

Worse.

Hello?

Hightown. Yes, hold on. A .J.?

Girls, how about some milk and cookies?

This is great. That thing is still missing and we're getting a snack break.

No, what you're getting is shelter and nourishment and the opportunity to

survive. Maybe your last opportunity.

We were getting valuable information from those guys until you two came

Thank you, town.

Well...

They traced the rental car back, at least the two Peruvian nationals in town

a tourist visa.

They haven't even seen our famous Lou yet.

Good luck, Mom.

You'll need it.

Mrs. Simons, these have to be the most incredible homemade cookies I've ever

tasted in my life.

Well, I just dropped them out of a box.

Really?

Well, you certainly know how to shop.

What is it? It called and left a message on the answering machine.

And? And I don't know, but he sounded pretty intense, and I don't recognize

number either.

Is there something wrong?

Why, no, Mrs. Simons.

We were just wondering if someday you might like to meet our father.

He's divorced as well.

Well, I'm not divorced.

I should have known that.

Who would ever divorce you, Mrs. Simon?

Besides, if you two got married, Rick and AJ would be our brothers.

Well, thank you, but my social life is quite full right now.

Speaking of our social lives, I've just received an important message from a

boyfriend on my machine.

And I was wondering if I might just go down to the Quickie Mart and call him

from there.

You know, so we can talk alone.

Well, you can use the phone here, and I'll be off in the den.

You girls can have the room to yourselves.

Thank you.

Ed, it's Angela.

It doesn't matter where I am. I got your message.

What's up?

Nothing's the matter.

I know where the medallion is.

Yeah, really.

But the guy wants some cash for it, and you know how broke I am.

So listen, you want your daddy's little trinket bag, meet me at my place right

away.

All right.

Girls, would you like...

Oh, my.

Hi. Hi.

Water must be freezing.

I'm getting goosebumps.

Jump in sometime.

You'll like it.

We're looking for Conrad, and I saw Woody up there in the parking lot. Do

know him?

That's him right there coming out of the water.

Of course it is. Thank you. Thank you.

Conrad?

I know you?

Well, actually, no, but Carrie told us we could find you down here.

I guess she was right.

Yeah. She also told us about the guitar you bought this morning from Stoney.

Pay you a good profit for it. I got some bad news for you.

I already sold that guitar for a good profit.

Do you mind if I ask to whom?

Some guy down in the marina.

He left early today on a sailing trip to Guam.

That's great.

Thanks for your time.

Where's my longboard? Somebody ripped off my longboard. I won the renown of

competition with that board.

Curse of Atahualpa.

Hi, Mom.

Can you give me a hand?

What happened?

I forgot to handcuff your girls in the basement.

Take a look at it.

This can't be fixed, Mom. You're going to need a new window.

Don't worry about it. It's not your fault.

Yes, Rick, I'm perfectly aware of that.

I'll get that, Mom.

Hello. Senor Simon, I have your two little girls and their friend.

You have two hours to meet me with a medallion at the boys' home, or the

children will be killed.

Uh... Well, the medallion is in the safe deposit box and the bank won't open

again until morning.

Then I suggest you find someone to open it.

How do I know you've got the girls?

Hello? Stacy?

AJ?

I guess we really screwed up this time, didn't we?

It's all right. We'll think of something. We'll come and get you. I

try, but...

If something happens to me, I want you to have my grandfather's stamp.

Stacey?

They want to trade the kids for the medallion. Any idea where they are?

I thought I heard St. Mark's of Carolyn in the background.

That's on Harbor Island.

And then Stacey said something strange. She's... about her grandfather's stamp.

I mean, you know, she was trying to tell me something.

Anything unusual about that stamp?

It's very rare. It's in mint condition. It's very expensive. What was on it?

Columbus's flagship.

All right, which one was that? Nina Pinar or Santa Maria? Santa Maria.

All right. They are on a boat in Harbor Island called the Santa Maria.

No, there's a hotel on Harbor Island called the Flagship Inn.

Okay.

Be careful.

See you later, Mom.

Excuse us.

With immigration naturalization, we have reason to believe you have two South

American illegals staying here.

You must think I just fell off the turnip truck to try that old... Not you

again. We know you.

I've been fired from two hotels because of you.

You usually leave a dead body in one of the tubs when you're gone.

Okay.

We understand how you feel.

We're just trying to do a job here, okay?

So maybe...

You would be willing to accept a sort of small apology?

My integrity means a great deal more to me.

Take the money, pal. You're going to need it for dental work. Room 219, next

the elevator on the right.

Perhaps you'd be kind enough to call the San Diego Police Department, Lieutenant

M .P. Brown. Thank you.

Well, I'll call the plumber for the tub.

Get friendly with them.

All right, Aunt.

What am I supposed to talk with these guys about?

What school they go to? Heard any good bands lately?

Look, Ed, all we gotta do is stall for a while.

Right.

Excuse me, guys.

There's something I've been wanting to say to you.

You know what?

I'd really love a chance to visit your lovely homeland.

And I'd like to make sure that we get a chance to visit your lovely homeland. If

you'd get my drift.

Shut up and sit down.

I'd be happy to.

Sorry, man.

I'm glad we understand each other anyway.

Enjoyed the chat.

We're dead.

My life is flashing in front of my eyes, Angie.

So short, I've seen it three times already.

Yes? Room service.

Wrong room. We did not order anything.

Yeah, you also didn't sign your check for your breakfast this morning. You got

to sign or it's my butt.

I told you to have the wrong room.

Hey, look, buddy, you want me to call security?

Nobody move.

Back off.

Glad you could make it.

Well, it's about time.

Intense.

It's okay, Daddy. Yeah, we found Preston this morning.

And he's just in love.

Yeah, look at it this way. The laundry has never been cleaner or fluffier.

Right.

Okay, then. We'll see you tomorrow.

Bye -bye, Daddy. Love you, too, Dad.

Bye -bye.

He wants us to fly out there on the first plane out. Spend a couple of extra

days on a vacation together.

Good. Well, that's wonderful.

Well, maybe the medallion is working its curse in reverse now.

I mean, you know, whoever holds it will actually find the thing that he loves

the most.

No, I mean, you know, because before the curse was... That's just dumb, AJ.

If you want to believe in that kind of stuff.

Look, you guys better go get packed. We'll drive you to the airport.

Oh, we can't go yet. We have to go salting first. There are a hundred

need before I go.

Right.

Okay,

Mom, you don't mind driving us to the airport?

Gladly. Thank you.

You guys have all your shots, or should we sign with the doctor's office, by the

way?