All language subtitles for Simon & Simon s04e14 Almost Foolproof

How about giving a nice girl the shirt
off your back? Wouldn't fit you. I know

hundred guys that will.

Tonight, on Simon and Simon... Whoopee!
The king's here!

Hail the king!

Hey, wait a minute! Wait a minute! What
are you guys doing with him?

What are you... Two of our patients are
going to die tonight.

Help!

Okay, now, the bus leaves at 3 o 'clock.
I will be back here with our tickets at

2 .30 sharp.

And no drinking, right?

No. I don't want to drink no more.

Sort of.

Now, what do you mean, sort of, Mac?

You've got a wife and kids that want to
see you again.

You rascal.

Well, that's a start, I guess.

2 .30. You watch out for him, Louie.
Well, I'll keep an eye on him if he

move for a bottle.

I'll stop.

Drink it yourself, you faker.

Okay. I guess I'm just going to have to
trust the two of you to keep each other

out of trouble.

You got a place to sleep for a couple of
hours?

Sure. Well, later weekend.

Okay.

Here.

Go get a couple of beds at the
Wellington Arms. My treat.

Hey, thanks.

We'll pay you back.

I know you will.

You guys are going to love it up there.
It's beautiful.

Okay. I'll see you soon.

Bye. Three.

Three o 'clock.

I'll give you all the wine you want. It
won't cost you a cent. Oh, really?

Yeah, just come with us.

Hey.

This is Kay's jackpot. It's worth $830.

$50. The number to call is 555 -4100.

But don't, don't make that call until
you hear the sound of the cash register.

All right.

Let's find out who that lucky 13th
caller is.

Hang on.

I can't believe I got through. Do you
have any

idea how many times I tried to call you
guys?

Well, you finally made it.

What's your name?

Because this one's a little tricky.

On December 2nd, 1896, in San Francisco,
Tom

Sharkey and Sharkey won, but that's not
the question. Oh, sorry.

I'm thinking.

Now, the question is, who refereed the
fight between Bob

Fitzsimmons and Tom Sharkey?

Who cares?

I got K -L -O -W on the line. It's worth
$850. That's who cares.

Oh.

Hello, hold on a second.

Who refereed the fight between Bob
Fitzsimmons and Tom Sharkey?

Wyatt Earp.

Wyatt Earp?

Wyatt Earp.

Wyatt Earp is right.

Wyatt Earp. Wyatt Earp?

You were right. Who is this?

Who is that part? Especially if somebody
can answer a trivia question as obscure

as that one.

Oh, well, obscure as Lolita's middle
name.

She's kind of like this big weird magnet
that backs you.

Nah, not weird enough for her.

What?

No, I guess not. Show it. Carlos
introduced us back here in Cinco de

then, she was living under the freeway
off -ramp. That's your type.

AJ, this has got nothing to do with
whether I'm her type, she's my type. I

I admire her.

Nice lady.

She works with the people down on Skid
Row. She helps the bums. She's kind of

like a missionary.

This way.

Down there? Yeah. She lives down there?
She lives down here.

Hey, hello.

You home?

Thanks for coming down. I'm the one, 850
bucks.

Hi. By the way, when I get the money,
I'm giving you half of it.

Ah. This is my brother, A .J. Hi, how do
you do?

Same father?

Uh, same father, different mood.

That's DNA for you?

How'd you know the answer to that?

I mean, about Wyatt Earp?

I have at my command a cornucopia of
incidental data.

So how you been, Lo?

Oh, well, you know, still at war with
the Eternal Verities.

Can't help you there.

Can you help find a couple of friends of
mine?

Tell us about them.

Well, I've been cooking three days a
week down at the Savior Mission. That's

where I met them.

Transients?

Alcoholic? Yes.

And I know what you're thinking.

And under normal circumstances, I would
agree with you, but I was taking Mac and

Louie up to the mountains as a sort of,
you know, retreat to help them dry out.

They were really looking forward to it.
Now I can't find them.

Where all have you looked?

All over the area.

Hospitals, jail.

Morgue?

No, I don't see Mac or Louie here.

Those poor men.

Nobody cared about them once they were
alive, and now that they're dead,

nothing's changed.

Those four are the only John Does we
picked up in the last week.

John Does?

I can't believe that you called them
that. What are we supposed to call them?

They're unidentified.

Well, you could give them each a
different name.

That would allow them at least a little
dignity.

You have any idea what kind of a snafu
that would cause?

What are those?

And once it's been ascertained that John
Doe can't be identified, the body's

cremated. That is barbaric.

What kind of insensitive cretinous
bureaucrat thought that up? You'd have

a ghoul to work in a place like this.

Hey, hey, hey.

I do you a favor. Some dingy broad calls
me a ghoul.

Well, if the body bag fits. Okay, Rick,
we're leaving now.

Bill, I thank you very much for your
help.

I don't appreciate being called a ghoul.

Tell her that.

I'll mention it.

What do you mean?

Look, you knew the man was full of PCP
when you brought him in here. Hell, you

arrested him on Avenue B, smashing store
windows with a parking meter.

I'm sorry. You're sorry? Yeah, you're
sorry? The man thought he was nine

for crying out loud. How about using a
little common sense around here? Yes,

sir. Yeah, yeah, yes.

Hey, look at my shirt, man.

This was a gift from my cousin, Button
Down Brown.

Who? BB.

Usually they just kind of wander off on
a whim and, uh... Dropped through that

big crack we call life in the city.

I know a little about that.

People do come back, you know.

I did.

I went from dead drunk on 42nd Street to
five years now without a drop.

Yeah, you were lucky.

Most of them go from dead drunk to just
plain dead.

My point, something has happened to
them.

Come back, he's got a family.

He's got pride.

He's a steel worker who got laid off and
just couldn't face not being able to

feed his kids.

Now he wants to go home and start living
again. He just wouldn't wander off.

Okay.

You've already got a couple of pretty
good bird dogs out there sniffing the

street.

But I'll see if I can't spare a little
time myself.

Nice work.

Behave yourself, sir. Behave yourself.
You're a gentleman.

You're telling him to give me my bottle
back then. He don't mean it.

How does that work?

Like so.

Moving from this spot till King Farouk
shows up.

He said he'd be here, you know.

We're not to look him up whenever we're
in Dago.

This is Dago, isn't it?

Yeah, but I don't know those guys.

I know them. You guys know those guys?

I know them. I ain't seen them in a
while.

Come to think of it, I ain't seen Bo or
Stinky or Abe in

six or seven months.

Well, it looks like I got a quarter,
boy. Get a job.

Just have a small word with you, your
majesty, somewhere in some privacy.

Yeah.

Hold my septum, boy.

What the hell are you doing here,

town? Are you on stakeout?

Well, normally King Peru keeps an eye on
that shoe store down there.

The manager sells something a little
more than sneakers.

But right at the moment, I'm looking for
my... Hey, town!

What are you running for? You're a cop!

I'm working without a net!

last time i was down here i got back i
spent the whole night alone see you guys

later

eyes were kind of drawn in her
direction. You know what I mean?

Yeah, I know what you mean, and I don't
like it. You like it, Climax?

I'm deeply offended.

Guns beat knives.

Back off, Hoss.

That was my plan.

Okay.

Have your way with me.

for a living.

Ten hours down here is a lifetime.

Ten hours at Chief Horton's gibberish.

Believe that guy with all the pairs of
socks?

You believe all the work we've done and
we come up dry?

You're dry?

I'm fried.

Here, you dry it.

I'm in no condition to drive.

Hail a taxi.

If you were a cab driver, would you pick
us up?

Let's walk.

No, ma 'am. I'm going to grab her, too.

You sure?

She's just another wino. She's no wino.
Look at her. Wait a minute.

No, no.

Good morning, Dr.

Harcroft.

What do you have her tied up for? She
kept fighting me.

I assume I'm wasting my breath?

You may.

Who the hell are you?

What did he shoot me up with?

Just some Verithion to relax you. Relax
me?

I've been dead for hours.

What do you want with me?

Your cooperation.

Well, it's a little hard to cooperate
when you're mainlining Verithion.

Call it passive cooperation.

Why did you kidnap Johnny?

What's your interest in him?

He's a friend of mine.

Are Mac and Louie here, too?

What do you want with these guys?

What's going on? No, wait, no, please,
please, no, no, no.

I knew this was too good to let go. The
beauty of this thing so far is that

nobody misses these people. That's over
now.

Frank, are you seriously saying it's
over? We shut down?

What the hell else do you suggest?

We got a spare bed at the hospital. We
can qualify for Cal -Aid with kidney

dysfunction. Paul, she's no wino.

It's easy enough to fix.

No.

Rise and shine.

It's after ten. Lolita hasn't called
yet.

Something's wrong.

There you go.

It's got aspirin in it.

No way of knowing that somebody isn't
looking for her right now. What were you

thinking when you took her off the
street?

We'll drug her long enough to shut down,
and then we'll dump her in San

Bernardino or Oakland.

But she doesn't know where she is or how
she got here. She doesn't know who we

are, and her memory will be fuzzy. There
is a much... Look, I know some of the

men have died, but they were sick. That
was different. Not so sick I couldn't

have kept them alive.

You told me they were terminal.

They were. They were in bad shape.

More importantly, their benefits had run
out.

Come on, Frank.

Like you said yourself, nobody cared
about these people.

Look, you might be able to live with
this, Harcroft, but not me.

That's the end of it.

We shut down and the girl does not get
hurt.

I'm not turning 58 witnesses loose on
the street who can implicate me in

Anybody knows where they are? They do.

You got your guns today?

Matter of fact, we do.

Have a beer, man.

Thank you.

What's your story?

Huh?

Well, yesterday, you looked like you
belonged down here.

Today, you're foreigners.

We're private investigators.

But we got nothing against you guys,
okay? We just understood that you did

occasional good turn for the winos down
here.

Yeah, we help them out.

What's it to you?

We're looking for a girl, and nobody
knows the streets better than you.

Her name is Lolita.

She cooks down at the Savior Mission.

Yeah, I know her.

I haven't seen her for a while. We've
been on the road.

Why? She's our client, and she's
disappeared.

We were hired to look for two friends of
hers, guys named Mac and Louie. We've

been all over the district, and nobody's
seen them or her.

Well, somebody has to have.

Want some help?

Love it.

Gogo, you, Razor, and Stable start at
Union Street and work east.

You two start here and cover it to 8th
Street.

That's nice.

Shovelhead, huh?

Yeah. This Madre's got stark
acceleration.

You ride?

Nah, a little bit in the dirt. I used to
own one of these about 15 years ago.

Boss, give him your bike.

Thanks. Hey, take my bike.

Oh, no, thank you. I... Take it.

It's kind of like an Eskimo offering you
his wife. You do not review.

Excuse me.

I was in the office.

Could you lend me a... Say, I could
swear that

you shared a bottle of tequila with me
last night.

Yeah, that was me. Oh, that's too bad.

Say, wasn't you looking for Mac and
Louie? Yeah, I still am. You heard

This gentleman says someone named Henry
has seen Mac and Louie.

Where did we find Henry?

Well, I... Ah.

Where did we find Henry?

Inner City Condominiums.

Henry?

Henry, where did you see Mac and Louie?

Resort.

Took myself a little vacation.

Saw him the day I left.

Why did you leave?

I was cured.

Had a little drinking problem.

New cure.

All the muscatel you want.

Real fine cure.

I got secured one day.

I got lost.

Do you remember the name of the resort?

Well, while you were there, what did you
do?

Pitched horseshoes.

Drank. I came to somewhere else.

Where? In a bed.

A room.

Somewhere. Outstanding that you might
remember.

They was building the Taj Mahal.

They was building the Taj Mahal. He must
have had the DTs.

Taj Mahal.

How did you get to the resort, Henry?

Some fellas picked me up in a van.

What kind of a van?

Tan. Tan? The door was real hard to
close.

Uh, sliding door?

Hey, I've seen that van around the
district. Tan.

It's an Econoline 150.

83, I think.

Was there anything else, Henry? I mean,
anything that you can remember at all

about this place?

Graybrier. What is the Graybrier?

The only Graybrier I know is the road
between here and El Cajon.

Henry? What is your last name?

Clark.

No, that ain't me.

Randolph.

Randolph.

Well, according to this map, Grave Raya
Road extends beyond the curvature of the

Earth.

At least there's plenty of light left.

I guess Henry was right.

That means the resort's over here
someplace.

Can I help you? Yeah, I just kind of
want to take a look around.

Sorry, this is private property.

Oh, as a matter of fact, that's why
we're here. We're looking for a little

privacy. I understand we can rent one of
these cabins. No rentals. We're not

selling.

Just for that, you didn't make a sale,
fella. We won't buy one.

Hey, where are you going?

Hey?

No. Go back inside.

How did you get in here?

How is an important fellow who is the
name of the game?

What the hell are you talking about?
We're looking for a couple of guys named

Mac and Louie. And Henry and Lolita.

Hey, come on, look. We know what's going
on here. We know the whole story.

Party's over. It's time to take off the
masks.

Just who are you? Ah, now we're getting
somewhere.

Easy, easy, easy.

We'll show you ours, you show us yours.

We're private investigators.

This is private property, Mr. Simon.
You're not welcome here. I want to talk

those guys.

They're guests here. Get out.

What kind of a joint is this where the
guests are so drunk they can't even

up, huh? Excuse me.

I'm not going to tell you again. This is
private property. Now get off of it.

All right?

We're not leaving here until you bring
those men out. Do you understand me? The

only thing I'm bringing out here is the
sheriff. Good idea.

We'll just wait right out here. Out of
here. Now.

Only 200 miles outside of my
jurisdiction.

That's okay, town.

It's not okay.

Another 30 seconds, I'd have been home
free out of my office and on the tennis

court. What is this car going to be when
it grows up?

This is a police car, not a limousine.

Wish there was a way to recognize your
phone ring.

Local law is supposed to be on its way,
but we haven't seen him.

Let's get in and out of here before they
do.

Relief.

Bring horseshoes.

Probably in his cabin somewhere.

You said something about a van from the
district. Where is that? I don't know.

It's parked right over there.

Well, it's not over there now.

Look, you're forcing me to take legal
action.

Yeah, well, now's your chance, pal.

Now show me a badge, Tom.

Lieutenant, I want these men arrested
for trespassing and assault and battery.

Hey, you started the fight. Rick.

You started the fight.

We'll get to that. What is your name,
sir?

Frank Mahoney. I'm the manager here.

Mr. Mahoney, Mr. Simon had reason to
believe that three individuals are being

kept here against their will. Oh, it's
ridiculous.

It's a private resort. The cabins are
all individually owned.

Nobody stays here unless they're the
owner or the guest of an owner.

Ask him about the van.

Who's staying here now? They say they
saw a lot of people, a lot of men,

or at least acting drunk.

Oh, that's crazy.

Look, these two are just yanking your
chain, Lieutenant.

Nobody's here except me and the guards.

The owners all live out of town, and
none of them are here at the moment.

He's lying, Town. We saw him. Hey, Jay.

He's lying. We'll deal with it.

Now it's going to irritate me if I have
to arrange for a search warrant.

I have no desire to irritate you.

You can search to your heart's content.

I'll open the cabins for you.

I've notified the owner's association,
and I can assure you they're going to

press charges.

Good afternoon.

Nice going, guys.

Okay, town, we went to the cellars or
something around here, but we saw half a

dozen drunk guys playing horseshoes.

Maybe more. Let's say I believe you. You
do?

Yeah, that is nuts.

But it doesn't change the fact that you
guys are facing charges for trespassing

and assault on battery.

The next time, would you please get me
some proof?

Legally obtained proof.

Oh.

Boy, these copies are lousy.

Well, if you would put a dime in the
machine instead of simply kicking it, we

might have been able to read them.

The courthouse has taken enough of my
time. It's not going to get my money,

Aha, here we go.

Fox Point Resort was constructed in
1981. It was financed through

a limited partnership of two
corporations,

Sendrex Inc. and Harcroft Enterprises.

Oh, Sendrex I've heard of. It's one of
those multinational outfits. What's

Harcroft?

Wait a minute.

Didn't Henry Randolph say something
about...

waking up someplace else in a bed, not
the resort.

Yeah, but he also said his name was
Henry Clark.

hitchhiked back down to the district.

Who paid the bill, Henry?

Somebody had to have paid it.

Do you have any kind of insurance?

No, probably not.

What about the state welfare program?

Well, the state programs have got age
requirements, and you're, what, Henry,

about 58, 59?

47, May 9th.

Well, if the state paid it, that's count
of eight. Their minimum age is 65.

Not necessarily.

Why? Well, they'll pay for a disability
at any age.

Yeah.

Do you have a disability, Henry?

Mr. Randolph was a patient at Western
Skies from April 3 to May 28.

The Cal -Aid insurance benefits paid on
his behalf were in the amount of $35

,421.

$35 ,000 for two months.

And you guys just paid it? He was
diagnosed by the attending physician as

suffering from bronchial pneumonia and
uremic poisoning.

I don't remember having them diseases.

Well, Henry, you were there for
alcoholic rehabilitation.

The pneumonia and the uremic poisoning
were most likely in their incipient

stages. I'd say you were fortunate.

Mr. Morris, Henry's rehabilitation
consisted of all the wine he could drink

entire time he was confined.

Western Skies has been licensed for over
15 years.

It was reinvestigated and approved as
recently as four years ago.

Henry, explain to Mr. Morris how you
came to be a patient at Western Skies.

They come by the district, and they
asked me if I wanted to take a vacation.

Then they give me a bottle.

Pretty bizarre way for a hospital to get
patients, don't you think?

How big is Western Skies?

60 beds.

But not all those beds have to be full
for the hospital to make its overhead,

right? No, no, no, just 30.

So every bed occupied over 30 represents
profit.

Oh, Mr. Morse, if each patient is
diagnosed for a disease he doesn't have,

then... Cal -8 insurance pays the bills.

Mr. Morse, you're getting ripped off.

If you wish to register a complaint, we
have an 800 number.

We just told you.

I'm an eligibility supervisor, not an
investigator.

Okay, fine. Where's the nearest
investigator?

Sacramento. But you're here.

But I'm not an investigator. The
hospital is ten miles away from here.

That's not my department.

Call the number.

Yeah.

Henry, do you have any idea why you were
transported back and forth from the

resort to the hospital?

No. I'm getting a recording.

Uh, leave a message.

Do you see what's playing between the
foul lines? Get you if we keep going

through proper channels, we're gonna get
down and gagging. Red tape. Come on,

Henry.

How you doing?

Is that a retort?

I don't need any more of this stuff.

Well, I can't make those decisions, you
see.

Dr. Horcroft, he does the prescribing.

What's your name?

Ken. Ken.

Have you any idea what's going on here?

What? I was kidnapped.

kept at some cabin somewhere.

Oh, we're overcrowded.

See, that's just where the extra
patients are put until we have room

You're safe now.

Yes,

sir.

Which two?

Louie, Mac.

You know, prepare an IV of 10 % ethanol
and... Glucose solution run it in at 200

cc's an hour. As usual, there's no need
for Frank Mahoney to know about this.

I'm also very worried about the new
patient.

The young woman we brought in today from
the camp.

Same medication?

No, she's not a drinker.

So you should give her this just before
bedtime.

Side effects?

No.

She'll sleep like the dead.

We got a nurse's station coming up right
here.

Got a code blue for you? This man's wife
said that he imbibed a quart of bourbon

before he passed out.

I'm sorry, sir, but this isn't an
emergency room. How did you get up here?

Through admitting.

Hey, look, you got a problem with that,
you take it up with them.

You do have an alcoholic ward here,
right? You treat alcoholics. This man is

alcoholic. Look, we've already been
turned down by Woodside, by St.

Sebastian's, by Bayview Memorial.

Is it your intention to join them in
their callous disregard for human

suffering?

Where do you think you're going? My
shift's over. You can't just leave him

Please go.

Let's take them out.

They'll be dead in an hour.

Just keep west on Sand Canyon Road for
about eight miles.

There's a deep gully to the left.

Bury the bodies there. Right.

There's a lot of wandering in here.

Ow! Ow.

I'll break your neck, you know what?

Hey! Get out of here!

That man is not a nice person.
Furthermore, he

has lecherous proclivities. Can you
walk?

I can walk.

20 years, anyway.

What about that monster, Frank Mahoney?

Well, he drew the line at murder, but
he'll be away for a while.

What are you doing?

Well, AJ and I wanted you to have this.

Here you go.

All 850 bucks.

It's for you to use on the guys.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you. You're welcome.

I'm going to use part of this to send
Mac back home to Pittsburgh.

I can't wait to tell him. Go tell him.
Go tell him.

Hi,

you're caller number 23.

What's your name?

AJ. You got through. My name's AJ.

You pay AJ for $630.

$630. Who was the first black... Jackie
Robinson!

All right. We're not talking baseball
here, AJ.

We're talking football.

We're not talking baseball. We're
talking football. Oh, okay. Who?

Who was the first black player in the
National Football League?