All language subtitles for Simon & Simon s04e13 Yes, Virginia, There Is a Liberace

What would you like Santa Claus to bring
you for Christmas?

All I want is my daddy to come home.

Tonight on Simon and Simon.

I have Santa to find you and bring you
home.

But Daddy won't be able to stay home.

We'll find McFarlane. He'll make the
same stupid mistakes they all do.

He's down a dark alley against a brick
wall.

Stay away from the wife and kid.

And I'm warning you, if I run into
either of you two clowns when I catch up

Terry Boy, six of your best friends will
be carrying you out by the handles.

Oh, you don't want that one. That's a
snow bike. It's not. There's no such

thing. Well, maybe you were right.

But I wouldn't ask Santa for one this
year.

I know, Daddy.

Santa can't afford one this year. I'm
too little anyway. Oh, no, you're not,

honey. But next year, Santa will be out
of debt.

I hope.

Let's go, precious.

Yeah, well, we can't right now, honey.

All right, now, this is important. I
want you to do what I say.

All right?

1202 Hillhurst.

Is that enough?

You get changed.

What are we doing? Okay, you're going
home, honey, and I'll be there in a

while. I promise. Ginny, I promise I'll
be home for Christmas.

Okay.

1202 Hillhurst. I don't want you to stop
for anybody. I want you to take her

right up to the door and leave her with
her mother personally. You got it?

For 30 bucks, I got it.

Okay, sweetheart.

Let him go.

The cops don't like us bothering the
paying public around this time of year.

Go find McFarlane.

He'll make the same stupid mistakes they
all do.

Here.

Take care of this mess, will you?

Don't you want to go see Santa?

No. Sure you do. All right.

Christmas. Oh, thank you, honey. Merry
Christmas to you, too.

Where have you been?

Oh, I had to stop off and give Mr.
Crumlin his present. Mel, I stopped off

Begley's Bakery on the way home, talking
about a 50 gingerbread man.

Wonderful.

I'll have the children hang them on the
tree.

Well, my club was turned down by
Begley's last week. Did you pay for

That's between me and the snowman.

AJ, band is two o 'clock.

He isn't working the room fast enough
and the kids are restless.

Ho, ho, ho.

Merry Christmas.

Boxer, huh?

Go ahead, take your best shot. Stand us
in training.

Daddy, you're a real stomach. You got
pills in there. I do? That's fake beer,

too. You ain't Santa. You're nothing but
a joke. There ain't no Santa.

Sure there is.

Here.

He hides under your bed when everybody
else is asleep.

We're getting down to a little force
feeding.

Leave her alone.

Downtown, you're an officer of the law.
Can't you do something about this?

Yes, Mrs. Simon.

Arrest those kids.

I'll let them raise Del. I mean, they
are here to have a good time.

That's what we're doing this for.

Oh, dear.

There's one little moppet who's not
having a good time.

What's the matter, honey? You always
want to go see Santa Claus.

Town, where's the adult in Punchbowl?

This way.

Come on.

All the other kids are doing it.

I think I know the problem, Mrs.
McFarland.

Jenny, when I was a little girl your
age, Santa Claus scared the pants off

and my mother had to take me by the hand
and introduce me to him.

Virginia, this is Santa Claus.

Santa Claus, this is Virginia McFarland.
Jenny.

Well, that's my favorite name.

Now then, Jenny, what would you like
Santa Claus to bring you for Christmas?

Now, wait a minute, wait a minute. Let
me guess.

My little horsey or a briar patch doll,
right?

All I want is my daddy to come home.

Well, now, that might be a little tricky
for old Santa.

Where is your dad? Is he out of town?

Or, uh...

Maybe he doesn't get along so great with
mom anymore.

We don't know where he is. He's just
gone away. Can you find him for

Santa?

Santa's gonna give it his best shot.

Probably shouldn't have even taken her
to the party in the first place.

But we've been planning it for weeks,
so...

All she saw was a big gray car.

And who knows if that means anything? I
mean, she's only six years old.

Well, what do you think?

Looks terrific.

Where's Jenny right now?

She's in her room. She's napping right
now.

And I'd really rather just leave her
there and let her sleep.

Ever since Santa...

Ever since you told her that you were
going to bring her daddy home by

Christmas, she's been going a million
miles a minute.

I sure hope she isn't going to be
disappointed.

Hey,

don't be worried, too, you know. It's
okay.

It's not too much.

We look for missing people all the time.
We find most of them.

Finding him by Christmas isn't what's
important. I mean, that's just...

Ginny's fantasy. You know how six -year
-olds are.

Um... I can't pay you for a while.

It's Christmas.

Terry's been out of work for six months,
and our bill's kind of piled up, you

know. But he's back to work now. He
really has a really very good job at

Prefab.

It's really a wonderful job.

Matter of fact, we're almost even. In
fact, he was just about to buy us a new

car.

I guess it's kind of hard on a man.

You got a number on this Calvina?

No.

It's exactly the way the police put it.

If they said unfaithful.

No.

Terry's loyal to his family.

He loves us very much. There's nobody
else.

He's missing because he's in trouble.

Listen, uh, tell Jenny everything's
under control.

St. Nick's on the case.

McFarland? Who knows?

Calvino laid off 600 people two months
ago.

How many work here now?

Three. I'm working mornings this month.

My buddy McFarland was a line for me. He
started to work here about the same

time you say that. One day and found
this padlock on the gate.

So you give him a $10 ,000 second
mortgage without his wife knowing about

This is a joint property, Steve. You're
not supposed to do that.

No.

And you say he's missing?

Yes. He was unemployed three months ago.
He had been for some time.

Why give him a loan at all? His family
has banked with us for five years.

Good credit and so on.

Prompt payment on the original home
loan.

until their trouble, of course.

Then he got behind, and he promised
this.

Verification of employment from Calvino.

You say they're out of it?

Bankrupt.

All right.

Let's figure he got the ten grand three
months ago.

He uses that to pay off the overdue on
the original loan.

Keep the first and the second current
and keep his family in cornflakes.

When does he run out of cash?

About now.

About now.

You owe me a buck fifty.

He owes me four Gs.

What made you figure McFarlane came to
me?

Because you're the friendly neighborhood
loan shark, Doris.

Is McFarland a regular customer?

Nope.

But I ran a credit check on him.

He was a player until six, seven years
ago. Took out a loan now and then, paid

it back.

In my business, that's a good risk.

What's it to you guys?

His family wants to find him another
Christmas. How much is the big?

$800 a week.

Preferred prime rate.

Doris, you're such an old softy.

Can you say why he needed the money?

He was feeling lucky again.

Lucky enough to buy into Eyeball's game.

Aw, jeez.

This is getting worse and worse. Eyeball
Warner runs a high -stakes poker game.

This guy's an unemployed plywood cutter.
He got in.

I heard he got in. Anyway, what's the
big worry? Eyeball runs a clean game.

of the cleanest in town.

Clean doesn't mean legal.

Or smart.

Did he win or lose, do you know?

You hardly ever hear.

Eyeball likes... Once in a while.

with mr warner not today well it's about
cherry mcfarland it can be about

anything you damn well please but not
today uh no you don't understand you see

mcfarland is missing and we have reason
to believe that mr warner may know

something about it hey there's a private
party going on here no business no

trouble and no second chances okay what
if we come back for the heat sure the

cops like a good christmas party too i
think there's four or five of the vice

boys here already He's going to have to
talk to us sooner or later. Not today,

not tonight, and not tomorrow.

And if you don't get lost, maybe he'll
never have the pleasure.

You get my drip?

Good afternoon, Your Honor.

Thank you. Mr. Warner was hoping you
could make it, sir. Thank you.

Good day.

If we could just get in there, we could
make him talk.

At least jingle his bell, see which way
he jumps.

All we gotta do is figure a way to get
down his chimney.

was a doll who had to go he was a family
man with a good job and his life was on

a roll Terry McFarland is a fairy tale
they say but we don't believe

he's a fantasy Mr. Warner wouldn't you
say there must have been

How long do you suppose you're going to
have to stay like this?

Oh, until everybody leaves and Eyeball
goes to bed.

Wonderful.

There you go.

You know we got a formal complaint on
you two.

Eyeball want to pay his property taxes.
He expects protection.

I love it.

Man runs the richest card game in town.

He calls the cops as soon as he gets his
feathers ruffled.

Men like that print their own rule
books, and they have friends.

People you wouldn't believe think
nothing of seeing him socially.

We were at the party, we believe.

Look, guys, we're on our own time here.

I got a lot of shopping to do tomorrow.

Lots of it. Yeah, hey, we promised Mom
we'd help her all day.

I mean, it's our party, and so far she's
done all the work.

How did you talk her into helping you a
second time after what happened last

year? Third time.

All she's got to do tomorrow is dress
the turkey and get the sleigh up on the

roof. It's not that heavy.

Um, what about McFarlane?

He's probably skipped town.

Let's face it, he owes everybody money,
especially Warner.

Maybe eyeball's already collected.

Maybe worse.

Anyway, I doubt we're going to find out
by tomorrow.

Well, not if we quit now, we're not.

Hey, look, may I remind you two, Santa
Claus made a promise. Yeah, it would

to be Christmas, wouldn't it?

Yeah, otherwise we could forget we're
Santa's little helpers and get some

Okay, I got one up.

I'll see you a gumdrop and raise you two
candy canes. Two candy canes? Ain't

gonna bluff me out of this. Here's your
two candy canes and a licorice stick.

Nah, too sweet for me.

All right, hands on the table. Come on,
get them up there.

I don't think that's what the judge had
in mind when he finished you guys to

community service.

Hey, Lieutenant, we've been visiting
orphans and old people all day long.

just playing with candy.

Sandy, of course, has to wind down too,
you know?

Yeah, you guys represent the true
Yuletide spirit.

I wonder what they're serving for
Christmas dinner at the jailhouse this

Candy, huh?

Green candy.

All right, okay.

Maybe I'll chalk this one up to the
holidays.

You guys fill me in on Eyeball's run -in
with Terry McFarlane.

There was no run -in.

Eyeball ran over Terry. And we was at
the table, me and Nate.

Just observing, mind you.

Yeah, yeah, right, observing.

Go on.

We all thought Terry had him with a full
house. But Eyeball, he wouldn't fold.

He kept raising.

And Terry wouldn't let go.

Finally, Eyeball shows him his hole
card, and he's got the straight flush.

And Terry is down in flames.

How deep did Terry reach into Eyeball's
pockets?

Well, the IOU would give him out of four
and one, two, three, four zeros.

Forty thousand?

Yeah, but Eyeball gave him extra time to
pay off. I mean, this being Christmas

and all.

How much time?

Twelve hours.

But I don't want Mommy or anybody else
to know that I was here tonight.

Promise?

You be good, baby.

You be good.

Research bars, poker clubs, after -hours
joints till dawn, nothing, not a clue.

Well, Eyeball only gave McFarlane 12
hours.

We're looking at the portrait of a very
desperate man.

So he bails out on the wife and kid,
leaving them broke and alone at

What a pretty picture. Here I am.

And there's more in the car.

Look, isn't this cute?

Beautiful bulbs.

Silver one, and green, and then I got
some... But, Mom, Mom, these are all...

New. Yeah, I mean, ornaments should
be... Old. Yeah.

Maybe we could just borrow some stuff
from Mom. Mom, Carlos just slipped.

not gonna happen again. No, she's right.
We don't want to risk losing that

stuff, so... You still have that little
chipmunk that I made for you in the

first grade?

Of course.

And I have the wooden snowman you made
me. I've got it all.

and I'm going to keep it all.

All right. Come on, everyone. Give me a
hand.

Good, Jenny.

I know what it's like to spend Christmas
without your dad.

No, this goes up. We've always done it
this way. No, no, no, because, Mom, I've

got to get the ornaments on at the top.

I had no idea.

He even told me that this new job was
going so well, he thought it would be a

savings account.

Terry's the one who always handled all
the accounts and the bills.

I can't even make a calculator run
right.

Are you certain the gambling only
started after the new job fell through?

He used to gamble.

A lot.

But he always told me that the day he
met me was the luckiest day of his life

and that he was through with all of
that.

Don't you see the only reason he did
this is so that we'd have food on the

for Christmas dinner and some presents?
Generally, it'll start out like a...

harmless little snowflake. And before
you know it, you're talking about the

abominable snowman.

Uh, I think what he, what he means is,
um, what do you mean?

Well, just that, well, you may never see
him again.

That's not true.

My daddy's coming back.

Come here.

Talk to your daddy?

Ginny, tell us, honey.

Yes, before he went away.

I promised he'd be back.

Oh, I just don't like her going up on a
slide like that. She's going to bend her

wings.

Come on, be careful now.

What are we going to do if we do find
him, huh?

You going to tell me that?

We just going to take him home for
Christmas so that Warner can use his

for an olive in his martini? Are you
going to loan him 40 or 50 ,000 bucks

of our petty cash?

We'll just have to cross that bridge
when we get to... Oh!

What?

But she's so small. She's too small to
be climbing up the top of the jungle

She's... Oh.

Well, I'll be going in for the pageant
in a minute. Well, you can handle that

one, pal. I draw the line at six -year
-old Christmas pageants. I didn't go to

yours. I didn't even go to mine.

I'm not gonna sit through the 12 days of
Christmas for somebody else's kid. Give

me a break.

You've done surveillance in swamps with
insects crawling in and out of your

underwear. Which is paradise compared to
a... ...wooden snowman from another kid

on the way home from school.

Whoops.

Heading off.

See you for a minute.

Okay?

It's too bad your daddy can't be here to
see your show, huh? It'll walk.

Hi. Ginny?

Hi. Why don't you go get ready for the
pageant, okay?

You caused trouble.

It's a mistake.

Bad mistake.

Well, we make a lot of mistakes.

We hurt people.

Well, the way I look at it, we're both
after the same thing. Am I right?

The little girl is the key to Terry,
boy.

We both want him.

Admittedly, I have different plans for
him than you do. Okay, wait a minute.

Eyeball.

Mr. Warner, we'll find Terry for you.

And after the holidays, we'll all sit
down and work out some reasonable way

him to square things with you, okay?

He's down a dark alley against a brick
wall.

There's no way out.

What you're talking about here is a
miracle.

He has a wife and child.

He owes me money.

My reputation is on the line here.

Father Terry boy off the hook, it's bad
for business.

We'll find him on our own.

Thanks, Vinnie.

I'm warning you.

Stay away from the wife and kid.

I'm warning you.

Vinnie, it is very, very important that
you tell us anything that might help us

find your daddy.

They're not my daddy's friends, either.

Yes, they are, honey.

Remember, we're Santa's helpers. They
don't look anything like Santa's

Ginny, those other men, the ones at
school, they wanted to keep Daddy from

coming home, but Rick and A .J., they're
like Han Solo and Luke

Skywalker.

I'm Luke.

He's Han.

They want to rescue your daddy and bring
him back home here where he belongs.

He was here last night.

Mom was asleep.

Good, Jenny. Thank you.

Did he say where he was going?

Some place to get some money so we could
live here.

How long did he stay?

A few minutes. He just had to get
something out of there.

What would that be?

My diamond ring?

That's the only thing in here that... of
any value.

I promised I wouldn't tell.

Jenny, you did a good thing, and when we
find your daddy, he's gonna thank you.

It's gone.

How valuable was it?

Um, well, it was worth $5 ,000 about
seven years ago.

We took some pictures for the insurance
policy.

Well, wonderful. Give them to me.

He'll probably use the ring as a stake.
You pawn it, and we can take the

pictures and go around to all the pawn
shops in town.

That's Warner's territory.

He's got another whole pawn shop
network.

We've got to come up with some way that
we don't tip him off.

Yeah, it's in my sacks, man.

I thought my smoke alarm went off.

No, no, no. It's called gravy on my tie.

Ticket. For your clarinet?

Oh, no, no, no, but I got the cash.

You remember me.

When'd you bring it in?

Uh, December 7th, 1972.

1972?

Yeah. I don't know how to break this to
you, pal, but your clarinet ain't here.

There's a ring here I just got to have a
closer look at, okay?

Which one is it?

It's like that one with the ruby and the
diamond. Yeah.

Oh, wow, man.

Can't sell it to you?

Not yet, anyway.

Guy just brought it in this morning.

But if you come back in a few days, I
guarantee it's all yours.

Guarantee?

After a while in this job, you get to
read people like a book.

And this guy was down to his last
chapter.

He takes the money and he says, he's
heading straight for bacon.

Okay.

I mean, I can take that. That's cool.

But, like, this is really important to
me. I mean, you're not going to sell it

to anybody else or anything.

Oh, you got it.

What am I supposed to do without the
clarinet, man?

It's all right, Clarence.

You always go back to your job at the
bank.

Hello?

Yes, A .J.

Everything's fine.

Pick up some cranberry sauce on the way
home. When will you be here?

What do you mean, as soon as you can?

Well, they're going to be arriving in a
few hours.

A .J., you promised you'd be here.

Where are you?

What did you say?

Las Vegas?

I know.

Mom, we will not miss the party. We will
be back tonight.

Or else what?

You wouldn't do that, Mom. Not to your
own son.

You would.

The end of this.

Have me finish my Christmas shopping.

No, I got some nice bargains at the
casino gift shop.

You get those playing cards with a
picture of Frank tonight.

Anyway, if we're not back tonight, town
here is going to have to put us both

under police protection.

Well, maybe we ought to split up and
cover the casinos.

Look, I'll call up a couple of locals
down at the station house and get them

help us out.

They owe me a few favors around here.
Okay, well, whoever spots him, call here

and leave a message at the front desk,
okay?

I think I know the man you're looking
for.

He pawned this today.

Told me he was heading for Las Vegas.

Kind of desperate.

I'll bet he was.

Get some of our people down there on it.
He shouldn't be too hard to find. The

town's deserted on Christmas Eve, and we
can be on a plane in an hour.

You've been a great help.

I won't forget it.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, I got a customer interested in the
ring. Or are you going to want it? No.

I say you already had somebody in here
looking at McFarlane's ring. I'll tell

you that soon.

Merry Christmas.

fans, as always, an exciting halftime
show here at the Christmas Bowl.

And even if the Blue Otters from Little
Cuyahoga College seem outmatched against

the Rebel Rousers of Western
Mississippi, you would certainly never

their band.

So, let's listen now as the Blue Otter
band salutes the holiday season.

Come on, baby. Stay down there.

Gotta come through for me, Jenny, and my
baby.

Seven. Out. Line away.

New shooter.

Another drink, sir?

What's your name, honey?

Belinda.

Belinda. I sure don't.

Nice to learn to you, friend.

Come on, lady luck.

Attack my shoulders.

This is for Jenny and Joe.

Three craps out.

Excuse me. You know where I can find a
phone?

Sure. Right out there.

Thank you.

Come in.

Everybody's the winner here at the
Silver Strike.

Win a gorgeous... 25 -pound live
Christmas turkey just like this one.

Makes a great pet.

Makes a great meal.

Hi there. Welcome to Silver Strike
Casino. Merry Christmas.

Go right on in.

Everybody's a winner at Silver Strike.
All your holiday dreams come true at the

Silver Strike, sir.

I certainly hope so.

1777. Sounds lucky to me. I certainly
hope so.

Merry Christmas.

There you go, boys.

Thanks.

Terry McFarlane?

All right.

I'm dead anyway. Let's get it over with.

So you're ready to die, huh?

Well, what about your wife and your
little girl?

We don't work for eyeball.

We work for a little girl who needs her
father.

She's better off without her father.

There isn't a kid in the world who would
agree with you.

Well, what can I do? I owe my life to
Warner. He's going to find me sooner or

later. I'd say sooner.

Now, you two have been warned already.

Terry and I have some business to
transact, and you're not invited.

Warner, I'm Lieutenant M .P. Brown of
the S .D .P .D. You're not taking this

anywhere against his will.

Against his will?

Oh, I wouldn't even consider it,
Lieutenant.

But you see, I think Terry is ready to
come with me. You know it. He knows it.

Don't you, Terry boy?

Come on, let's go.

No, wait.

Oh, he wants to go. What am I supposed
to do?

Okay, okay. Uh, look, eyeball.

You proved your point. Okay.

Nobody gets off your hook. You want to
take the man, nobody can stop you.

Nobody except you or yourself.

It's Christmas, eyeball.

The spirit of Christmas is in all of us,
even you.

Now, you think about that.

You think about the smell of the turkey
roasting in the oven or the light

twinkling in the Christmas tree.

Old children getting up early so they
can come downstairs and open their

presents. Bing Crosby singing White
Christmas. Now you listen, eyeball. You

listen. Deep inside yourself.

You'll hear a little voice.

And that little voice is the child
that's in all of us.

And I'm telling you, it's Christmas.

It's a time for peace and goodwill.

A time for love, for forgiveness.

A time for families to be together.

Now, do you really want to take this
man?

Or instead, will you let him go?

Let him go back home to his wife and his
little girl so that they can celebrate

the birth of the baby Jesus.

Nah, I'm going to kill him.

This is not working.

Let's go, Candy.

Time is running out.

Hey, mister.

Hey, mister.

Mister, your bet.

Your bet.

What?

Your long shot bet. I put the $500 down
on the Blue Otters at halftime. It's 100

to 1 odds.

Are you crazy? They were losing by four
touchdowns.

I know, but they're coming.

you could win 50...

Yeah, way to go, Rick.

PSI, flight 67 for San Diego.

Okay, honey, we can stay up until I get
there, but then you have to go to sleep,

so Santa... How long's your flight?

About an hour.

I've got to go, sweetheart.

Love you.

I love you, Terry.

Have a safe trip.

Nathan? No.

Thanks. Mrs. Simon?

Yes?

Thank you.

AJ, you and Rick, Merry Christmas.

Hi, Mom.

Can't you get home tonight somehow?

It's a lovely party.

You never told me Carlos knew so much
about ornamental gardening.

Oh, no, no, thank you, Carlos. Not right
now.

He's even wearing a shirt.

Oh, it's a shame you have to miss your
own party.

I know, Mom. I know.

There weren't any other seats on the
plane.

No, Mom, that's the last plane out of
Vegas tonight.

Oh, please, Mom, don't cry. I hate it
when you do that. I feel bad enough

already. Well, I know you couldn't help
it. And Merry Christmas.

Tell Rick for me.

The merriest.

Merry Christmas to you, Mom.

We have each other.

You know, some people aren't so lucky.

Some people are dying in hospitals.

Locked up in death row.

Working in Iraq in some oil field.

But not us. No, sir.

We've got each other.

And a whole lot of Christmas in our
heart.

Go ahead. Toss it off. It'll put you in
the mood.

What is that?

Eggnog and tequila.

Go ahead. I've already had two.

Newton here even gobbled up a little
bit. Here you go, Newton. You ready for

some more?

No, huh?

Okay.

Newton.

Why not?

Merry Christmas, everybody.

Merry Christmas.

We're talking.

Silent night.