All language subtitles for Simon & Simon s04e10 Our Fair City

What? Emma G.

Oh, dear.

Did you come in to see me? Well,

you should have called me instead of
coming all the way in here.

I'll speak to the tax assessor myself
this time. You won't get another one, I

promise you.

Thank you, man.

You take care.

We could set it up for next weekend.

Sure.

Okay. Say goodbye to Liz, AJ.

Rick, I'm trying to... Uh, Liz, let me
call you

back. Some people just dropped by, and
I... Let me call you back. I stopped by

your boy's office without an
appointment, but it doesn't much look

one. Who the hell are you, friend?

Well, I'm a man that walked out of his
office this morning to come see you

fellas, and some sucker shot me in the
back.

I guess you're wondering why I'm still
walking around.

On the west coast, Abalone Bay.

Sin City?

Weissville. Weissville.

Weissville. Well, that is the sorriest
description of our fair city I ever

heard. Well, I'm the first to admit that
we're a little lenient, easygoing,

tolerant, but there ain't no crime in
there, now is there? You run that place

wide open 24 hours a day. Oh, wide open.
Wide open. Well, maybe in terms of

worldly pleasures, but let me tell you
something. Since I've been mayor, the

violent crime rate's just about dropped
right off the chart.

Well, until today.

Listen, you fellas mind if I sit down?

Man gets himself back shot and sort of
tenses up the muscle.

Please.

Ah, you know what we really offer in
Abalone Bay?

Fun. Just purely fun.

You lonely? We got free escort services.
Round the clock.

Call girls?

Listen, you too busy making a living to
get to the track to exercise your

knowledge of sound horse flesh?

We got free enterprise, privately owned
betting parlors.

Bookie joints.

Well, that's better than a state -owned
communist.

You want to exercise your mind and
judgment in a game of skill?

Why, we got draw poker pullers, which
the state law says is a game of cunning

and psychology.

Don't forget about the blackjack table.

Well, now, don't you forget our free
children's clinics, our homes for old

folks, libraries, and that little old
symphony we got.

Now, if I may borrow from the good book,
in Abalone Bay, the wages of sin is the

good life.

By the way, this isn't the first time
they tried to kill me.

How many times have there been?

Three. Well, four count today. Let me
see. There was the electrical wires to

my pool lights just accidentally came
loose.

Cooked a Blue Jay, missed me.

And then my house filled all up with gas
from a busted line. Blew out all my

windows. I wasn't home.

Then this road grader just rolled right
in front of my limo on a Sunday.

Why, I got out of the car a second
before it was reduced to sheet metal.

Maybe I had better show you boys my
back. No, no, we believe you. I think

safe to assume that whoever wants you...
Nothing.

I hate to admit that, but there it is.
That's why I hired me some bodyguards.

Well, now, these fellas, these fellas
have got great moves, but they haven't

much upstairs. That's why I wanted to
hire you fellas.

How much you boys charge? Any laborer as
worthy as this hire.

So why don't we just say $400 each.

Let's say...

Five days in advance.

Who's trying to make the move on you?
Out -of -state muscle, the mob?

Chief, that's who.

Chief? Police?

An obvious one -word question. Why?

Why?

Because she wants the whole dang
shooting match. That's why.

She?

Chief M .L. Drinkman.

Mary Louise Drinkman, my ex -wife.

Four attempts and you've got nothing to
take.

Well, there is that one rumor, I guess.

Mundy, if I wanted K .K. dead, I
wouldn't have needed four tries.

No, ma 'am, I don't reckon you would
have. Are you sure K .K. didn't dream

up just to make us look like idiots?

All those attempts were real, Chief.

A couple of inches either way this
morning and we'd have ourselves one dead

mare. There is one thing, though.

They drove all the way into San Diego
this morning where it seems that KK has

hired himself two private cops.

Okay.

Here's what you do about them.

They're to get every cooperation.

They bend a rule, we look the other way.

They get into trouble, say, down on East
Main, we bail them out.

Isn't that a little, uh, excessive?

Conklin, what's it cost to keep that kid
of yours in Stanford?

14 ,000 a year. And when?

Yet.

Get this straight, gentlemen.

If we don't hang this on someone soon,
there aren't going to be any kids in

Stanford. Or any more weekly brown paper
bags filled...

Oh,

it's

you.

What the hell do you want?

And how the hell did you get in here?

Doesn't look corrupt.

No, just contented. Last time you came
home from a weekend here, so did you.

Don't confuse contented with exhausted.

Yeah, we're down to ten o 'clock.

You don't expect the mayor of Viceville
to be on time, do you?

He's got to maintain an image of total
decadence.

It's nice to see his staff is upholding
the same high standard.

I beg your pardon. Oh, hi.

We're here for the mayor?

Yeah, we've got an appointment. Well,

it'll have to wait. The mayor is busy
with his arraignment. His what?

Arraignment? Didn't you hear it on TV?

They're saying he killed his ex -wife
last night with his own shotgun and just

left it lying there.

Doesn't sound like Mayor D to me.
Killing his ex?

Leaving his shotgun.

It's like the mayor's got old Luke
Masterman defending him. He flew down

.A. this morning.

Who's the prosecuting attorney?

A bald one.

Elliot Rutherford. The judge?

Ah, Elliot's second cousin.

Merrim at Rutherford.

Sounds like the Rutherfords kind of
tipped the scales of justice in this

It's that kind of town.

Yeah.

What was the argument they just had
about?

How high the bail.

I think Elliot's trying to get $1
million.

And Cousin Merriman is just about to
grant it.

Having weighed the argument of both
defense counsel and the district

bail will be set at $1 million.

Should the accused be unable to meet
bail, he will be remanded into custody.

If it please the court.

If it please the court.

If it please the court what? Back there,
stand up so I can see you.

My name is Gall, Frank Gall, and if it
please the court, I would like to post

Mary Drinkman's bail.

You're aware it's one million dollars,
Mr.

Gall? Gall.

I am aware of that, Your Honor.

You do accept cash, I presume?

Cash? What does that guy do? He's
retired.

May I use your table, Counselor?

Yes, yes, I suppose so.

Get some officers in here, quickly.

My card, Your Honor.

I think you'll find a million is all
here, and if it's no bother, would you

mailing me a receipt?

Your Grace.

It ain't gonna make K .K. wait till I
count it, are you, Elliot?

No. No point in that, so to speak.

Under the circumstances, Your Honor, I
think you can release Mayor Drinkman.

Looks like I was wrong, doesn't it?

Wasn't Mary Louise gonna inform me after
all?

Now they're trying to tag me with their
killer.

You want to give us a little something
to go on?

List your enemies.

Boys, the 47 .2 % who didn't vote for me
last time out are probably all my

enemies.

What about the guy who posted your bail,
uh, Gall?

What's your connection?

Well, you boys don't concern yourself.
Frank Gall, he's the man that did a

favor.

Well, I guess if I tell you, you won't
wonder.

Frank Gall used to deal some drugs, but
he quit.

He retired to my town, where he has my
promise that he won't have to worry

anything except watering his begonias.

How do you hear being dead don't sit
well with me?

Hello. Hi.

Oh, you two.

Rick Simon.

AJ Simon.

Hello.

Something wrong?

This is my best story in three years,
and my editor isn't convinced it's worth

any art. These are great shots.

All kinds of oomph on the mayor's face.
The judge doing the stern bit.

Yeah, and don't forget about the mystery
man with the mystery million.

Yeah, sure, that too.

But there's some damn regatta or
something off Coronado today.

They'll probably run color.

Seagull, sail, sunset.

Same old junk.

You ever see the color my paper runs?

The worst.

We're from San Diego.

Oh, I hope you don't take the bugle.

Mm -mm.

Not very loyal of you.

Hey, they let me work in San Diego. I
will be very loyal.

As long as they keep me out here in this
bureau, well, they can forget it. I

don't know. It seems like a good beat to
me.

It's a wide -open town.

Absolutely anything for sale.

All kinds of interesting people.

Like your friend.

What friend?

Oh, you know, the guy with the spare
million.

I noticed you didn't take any shots of
him. What's his name? Frank, uh... Gall.

Who are you two, anyway?

Private investigators.

No, we didn't get your name.

Marty Collins.

Hi. You got business with Frank, or are
you just curious?

Oh, curious about his connections with
the mayor and, you know, just...

Well, you might as well get it from me
instead of someone who'll just screw it

up anyway.

About three, four years back, Frank was
the California cocaine.

He was never busted, not once.

And one day he woke up and decided,
that's it, he'd had enough.

So he quit, rich, very rich. He retired.

The only problem was, nobody believed
him.

Not the competition, not the narc,
nobody.

Until he came here.

And the mayor... Fine.

Two private cops, yeah.

Rick and A .J. Simon.

Yeah, I gave the usual dumb answers to
the usual dumb questions.

That's right.

Simon, yeah.

That's four bookie joints, three poker
clubs, two cat... Maybe a massage parlor

next.

Well, finally.

No massage.

Too bad.

My name's Conklin.

I am the chief of the tenants.

Nice town you don't have here.

Boys, look, we can either do this
easy... Me too, absolutely. Good, good.

Where are we going?

A little stroll.

Fine.

What? Mm -hmm.

Because it cost me $14 ,000 a year to
keep my kid at Stanford, that's why.

He's expecting you.

Go right in.

Gentlemen, thank you for coming on such
short notice.

Sit down, please, do.

Well, I understand you've been retained
by Mayor Drinkman.

That's right.

He needs all the help he can get, so to
speak.

Well, we're giving him everything we've
got.

I'm sure. It's almost like a Greek
tragedy, you know?

The divorce, the acrimony, the division
of spoils, the blind ambition, the rage,

the hate.

Terrible. Especially to end like this.

Despite her quirks, I was fond of the
chief.

We don't think he killed her.

No. Of course you don't. After all,
that's what you're being paid for, isn't

Yes, but we think we can prove that he
didn't do it.

Meaning money can't buy proof?

I beg your pardon?

Never mind. You have my blessing.

After all, my task is to see justice
done.

It's the only way this city can recover.

Have you seen the Los Angeles or San
Francisco papers?

It's simply awful.

You see, we Rutherfords founded this
city back in 1851, so we have a deep

personal stake in its reputation, so to
speak.

So if you can prove the mayor's
innocence, you need only come to me at

Any time at all.

We thought we'd let his defense counsel
in on it, too.

What, if anything, can you tell us about
Frank Gall, off the record, if you

like? On or off the record, I consider
that man to be an absolute menace to

community, so to speak.

Well, thank you both for coming,
gentlemen.

I've enjoyed our little talk.

So have we.

So to speak.

This isn't the way to our motel Phyllis
ever hear the old saw about how a man

can't serve two masters.

Yeah, I've heard it Well, I don't think
the guy who thought it up knew what he

was talking about Well,

we're

really enjoying the tour Conklin, but
what's the point we're getting to that

You know who's here now, don't you?

Well, imagine my surprise.

What do you think?

Well, it's nice.

It's very nice, actually.

Yes, it is, isn't it?

Well, so far, your inquiries have cost
me quite a lot of political capital.

Now I owe favors to anyone who wouldn't
talk to you.

And I don't enjoy that.

I hope you found out something worth
annoying me.

Well, you tell us.

Let's say you got out of the coke trade
rich. You live in a big house on the

hill. And the mayor is your political
habit, rabbi, protector, or whatever you

want to call it.

We also watched you in court today, a
million in cash.

That was a little theatrical, don't you
think?

And now why do you suppose I do
something so ridiculous other than to

mayor out of his own slammer? Oh, you
were making a statement, delivering a

message, advertising.

That's very good.

And the message?

Well, sort of a warning, I'd say.

Money is power, and I have tons of
money.

Also, there was just a little dash of
contempt in there.

Oh, so that did come through.

Oh, that's... What step?

I spent a little money, $100 ,000.

Hmm. What did buy?

Well, I purchased proof of who really
killed the chief of police.

They'll be delivered in my hands by six
o 'clock this evening Now I've decided

to turn the evidence over to you rather
than the police interesting

You

know

sometimes I think maybe I took a wrong
turn

No, you didn't. I saw a sign right back
there. I am not talking about roads. I'm

talking about my life.

This is becoming a series of very odd
moments.

That's not true. At this moment, I am on
my way to see a drug dealer retired to

get something from him which he bought,
which he thinks will clear a crooked

politician of a murder we hope he didn't
do.

What about me? You're going to have to
evaluate. How best was that damn phone?

I'll give it that ridiculous.

did the smart thing, are we?

Might start now.

Indeed.

Dropping.

Yes, they got me for sure this time,
don't they?

Maybe.

You want to tell us quick?

Well, I didn't kill him.

That's the end. Start at the beginning.

Well, old Frank here, he called me late
this afternoon.

Said he wanted to see me alone around
six.

Something about who killed Mary Louise,
my ex.

I said, okay.

So I came over here maybe five, ten
minutes ago.

Door was open.

Familiar looking motorcycle.

Yeah.

Somehow I'm not surprised.

I could sure use some hot tea.

How do you feel now?

Sober.

Cold sober.

You nearly hit a pickup on your way from
Gauls, didn't you?

Did I? He is dead, isn't he? I didn't
just dream it.

He's dead.

Why come here?

I mean, why come to us, Marty?

Who else?

Can't exactly trust the cops in this
town.

You want to tell us about it?

Well, I started drinking right after you
guys left.

Feeling sorry for the old career, you
know?

Then I decided to go see Frank.

We were... Oh, we had this thing on and
off.

And we fought a lot, but who doesn't?

It was time to make up again.

Well, Frank wasn't there, but... Well, I
had a key.

You know, just off the living room
there.

There's this little den.

Frank and I used to go in there and talk
and listen to jazz.

Goop around, you know.

So I got a bottle and I went in there
and... I guess I passed out.

What were they saying?

I can't really remember.

I was really out of it.

Then I heard the shots.

I waited and waited, and when I came
out,

Frank was on the floor.

And then I got on my bike.

And you can't remember what they were
saying, Frank and the other guy?

I might be able to.

I thought you said you passed out.

Yeah, but I know a technique.

You know, I can remember being two,
maybe even one and a half.

I can't remember being 30.

I learned how when I was on my search
for enlightenment.

Yeah, I studied in Nepal with Nir
Prajapati. You've heard of him?

No. I can't say as I have.

This might work. We should give it a
try.

You got a pencil?

No. A pen.

A pen. A pen will do.

No, not for me. For you.

99.

98.

97.

96.

95.

94.

93.

92 91

90

Marty?

Okay, uh...

Frank Gall's house tonight.

Tell us what you heard.

Damn it!

That is the only copy.

Then burn it.

Burn it right now, there in the
fireplace.

Okay, I burned it.

Cost me $100 ,000, but I burned it.

Now, what else do you want?

From you?

I guess that's all.

So to speak.

What does that mean?

It means I have no further use for you.

Wake up, Marty.

Oh.

Oh.

Well, did that help?

I mean, do you think you know who killed
Frank now?

Oh, yeah, we know.

So to speak.

Okay, I burned it.

Cost me $100 ,000, but I burned it.

Now, what else do you want?

From you?

I guess that's all.

So to speak.

What does that mean?

It means I have no further use for you.

Bang, bang!

Bang!

What part of that? That's hearsay. A
drunk's hearsay at that. Oh, come on,

You can bust it open. You can bust it
wide open. This is your specialty. You

know that.

Back off, guys. It's an abalone bay
crime. It's not my crime. Go see their

We have met their finest. He lacks a
little something.

A conscience. Trust us, this is a crime
that cries out for a guest arrest.

Come on. It's out of my jurisdiction,
man. I'd be freelancing out there with

backup. And what about proof?

That's right, proof.

So your guy has the same corny phrase as
the shooter. So what?

That doesn't mean it's proof. Not even
there.

Especially there.

That's why we need you, town.

The best.

Downtown Brown.

Prince of the City. Dynamic.

Supercop. You blackmail me. When you
stoop to flattery. Come on, it's an

to our friendship.

Well, it weren't.

What's first?

Reach out and touch Mr. Rutherford.

Rutherford? Half -pound Brown.

Let's talk.

Brown, I'd like you to pat me down.

For weapons, transmitters, anything that
might hinder our mutual trust.

Then I'll return the favor.

Your mobile home and castle, I take it.

Built for comfort, sleeps 12.

You're a suspicious dude.

I'm not a dude.

Let's drive.

He'd overheat a little on the way up
here.

Well, Mr.

Brown, we'll simply have to talk another
time.

Get in.

nervous man i have a short fuse too
let's go

look

uh i'll tell you what i want you tell me
if you can give it to me yes or no it's

yes i'll tell you what i heard the night
frank got blown away okay

Fine. I'm open to any reasonable
proposition, so to speak.

Well, it's simple.

I want the same thing Frank got over in
Abalone Bay.

Official sanctuary.

I want to live hassle -free.

I think that can be arranged.

Of course, it might cost a little.

Certain gratuity.

I can pay.

So far, we have a deal, so to speak.

Okay, here's the skinny.

I'm fact out a little den on the living
room when Frank and this other guy comes

in, so to speak.

You're hung up on that, aren't you?

Yes, perhaps I should find another
expression.

Next lifetime, you should learn to
expect the worst.

And for heaven's sakes, when an opponent
invites you, search him well.

or they're dead right now.

Now, we're gonna take a little spin up
into the mountains.

Mr. Brown looks a little edgy.

One of you drive.

What was it that Frank Gall had on you
anyway? A lucky photo shot by some

tourist of me aiming a rifle at the
mayor.

Gall paid the film processor an enormous
sum for it.

Now, unfortunately, that poor gentleman
has also paid the ultimate price for his

meddling, so to speak.

You killed him too?

I mean, just like you killed the chief
and Frank Gall? I simply exterminated

them. After all, they were pests.

I want to clean up my town.

Can't put your house in order until you
get rid of all the rats.

Turn back toward the road, Mr. Simon, or
I'll shoot Mr.

Brown, I swear.

Well, I figure we're all dead anyway.
That's why you go with us.

Do what he says, fool.

I really will shoot him.

I'm going to count to three.

One. Rick believes you, but he also
believes that when you have to shoot

you're going to have to shoot me, and he
thinks he can take you while you're

doing all that.

I don't think that. I know that.

Excuse me. You want to turn this damn
thing around?

I'm going to kill him, too.

Come on. AJ, do something I can do.

Did you? No.

You want to know what I thought? No.

Good.

I tell you, Brother Brown, Avalone Bay
is a veritable

gold mine.

You come be my chief police, I guarantee
you'll be pulling down $100 ,000 a year

in juice alone.

$100 ,000? Yeah, you're going to need
deputies. That'll just be walking

And we walk real good.

What do you say?

Sorry, Mr. Merrill. I have to say no.

Oh.

Well, you think on it.

Yeah, I'll think about it. Late at
night. Real late.

Well, if you fellas ever get over my way
again, you drop in and see me. Oh,

yeah. Maybe we can get into a little
more mischief together.