Original subtitles

Tonight on Simon and Simon.

No more crazies. Mrs. Vogel said he's a great grandfather. He probably drinks

warm milk and plays checkers.

Scotch to cut the cholesterol.

You say he's with the FAA.

He says he doesn't know you guys from Adam. I don't know how to fly one of

these. How long has it been since you've flown one? I'm riding a bicycle. I

don't want to hear this. I don't want to hear it.

Get to your guns.

Aye, aye, Captain.

Grandpa, you sure you don't want any coffee? No, I want some luck.

But until today, there was little hope it would pass.

Some members of the council... Thanks, hon. ...not signify an end to what has

been an ongoing consultation between... Jim! Huh?

Oh, come on, guy. Jim, my nanny, you're killing me.

...overturned today's decision.

For those of you who were looking skyward earlier this evening, you might

observed this spectacular landing at Linda Vista Airport.

Grace Menash has the story.

No, this isn't a war movie, and the old bomber you're watching hasn't been hit

by anti -aircraft fire.

Instead of the bombs this B -25 carried in World War II, the cargo this time was

Christmas trees from Columbia that somehow caught fire in the cargo hold.

time the old plane touched down, the trees were a smoldering ruin. We got

photos of the landing thanks to an amateur photographer, but missed the

The pilot...

And his plane are gone.

Apparently no worse for wear. But the trees won't light up any children's eyes

Christmas morning.

This is Grace Menash, Channel 3 News.

Did you see that?

That's her.

What, did you see the way the nose dipped just as she was coming in?

Well, that's her.

I'd know that beauty anywhere. That's her.

Irish. We better call the police.

No, don't overreact. Maybe it won't be so bad at times.

We can't just let him go. This time he might hurt somebody.

Are your eyes closed tight?

Yes, Mom.

Okay, keep them shut.

How many times has Mr. Kelly done this, Mrs. Vogel?

Oh, I see.

Well, I can understand your concern. Yes, that's quite a pattern.

Yes. Okay.

Now you can look.

Little understaff for a softball team.

Bowling. Bowling.

You're sponsoring us.

Every night they have league games and we can never get an alley. So we came up

with this idea.

When it's good advertising. My husband tripled his rug cleaning business with a

league team.

Well, just think how well he could do if he sponsored another one.

Come on, Rick.

On Friday nights, it's mixed so both of you can come and bowl with us.

I'm busy on Friday nights.

Besides, how much is this going to cost us?

Oh, it's hardly worth mentioning.

Mention it anyway.

Yes.

No, no, don't worry, Mrs. Vogel.

We'll come right over. We'll have a nice chat with Irish.

We know exactly how to handle these things.

Yes, we're on our way.

Look, about the shoes. Very important case, Mom. Got to go.

The shoes were... Excuse me, Mom.

We're in.

I'm asleep.

Not today, buddy. Just wait.

Don't you think we could talk this over?

No time for that. I have a feeling this is the one. Oh, you said that about

every between five you've ever traced. Who are you going to talk to out there?

I'm going to talk to whoever I have to, and I'm going to talk real loud this

time.

doing. I'm not a silly old man.

export business.

You know, night landing, no light, no repeat.

How's Carlos now? He knows, that's all.

Does look a little informal.

Yeah, well, it's the kind of place when you're ready for takeoff, the controller

just to beat it.

Listen, AJ, remember we had a deal.

No more crazies.

Mr. Kelly isn't crazy.

He's just upset.

Come on, Mrs. Vogel said he's a great grandfather. He probably drinks warm

plays checkers.

Mister, the pilot flew it out of here yesterday. That's all I know.

Now, will you put that thing away before you hurt yourself?

I'm a patient man, but my friend here is a little itchy.

Where did the pilot take her?

I'll count to five.

One, two, three. Hi, Iris.

Who are you? Hey, well, give me that back.

You guys were this old coot.

Sort of. Well, get that old loon out of here. Come on. Hey, hey, hey.

Get your hands off me. Miss Kelly, I think we ought to have a...

Hey, Gramps, come to think of it, I do know where your B -25 is. Last time I

it, they were firebombing Tokyo.

Yes.

No, no, no, no, no. Come on. Come on, Irish. Come on. No, no. That's it.

it. Come on.

Minding my own business and you two jokers poke your snoots in. You could

been minding your own business for a couple of years in jail. I was assault

a deadly weapon. Loaded.

Yeah, all right. Look, Irish.

Let's just calm down the .45 caliber temper. We're going to introduce

right now.

I'm A .J. Simon.

Rick Simon, private investigators hired by your granddaughter.

Well, I mean, that sweet little thing finally convinced that blackhead husband

of hers. You boys are going to help me find Betty Grable, right?

Well, that calls for a celebration.

Is that your car?

Let's go on this one. Oh, that's very nice, fellas. Come on. Saddle up, men.

Boy, I've ridden in tighter cockpits than this. Come on, Long John.

Oh, no. Get out of here, Kelly.

In auto charge, Grable showed her legs yesterday.

I wondered how long it was going to take you. We see the news, too, you know.

This time I got tail gunners. Meet Simon and Schuster, private eyes.

Kelly, I love you like my brother.

Even more than my brother the monkey neck.

But why don't you leave right now and save us both a lot of grief?

I paid for the damages. Big deal. A couple of busted bar stools. You know

always hated that beer wagon clock.

What do you do when some nickel -node tells you you belong in a cracker

It's true. The guy deserved it.

You don't raise your voice louder than mine. You don't throw anything that

nailed down.

And you got a three -drink limit.

A little warm milk to make you sleep.

Scotch to cut the cholesterol.

At my age, you can't be too careful with that sort of stuff.

You two really gonna help him find that old bummer? Well, our arrangement's with

his granddaughter.

Cancel it. You're my crew now.

We decide who we work for.

Right now, we're working for your granddaughter.

From where we sit, it looks like that job is almost finished.

Fine. That means you're available.

Look, Irish, I used to work for Uncle Sam, too, and I'm going to tell you

now, you're not going to be able to afford us on GI Bill. With all the back

I got coming, I can afford a squadron of you guys.

I'm so close. Man, I'm so close. I know it's her this time. If I don't find her

now, I'll never find her.

Irish, I want a ride in that old girl, and I'm willing to pay for it.

But we're also going to find a way to make a few bucks with her. Now, I'll

you.

And we'll go 50 -50 after you find her. It's a deal.

Welcome aboard, co -pilot.

Now we can afford you. What do you say, Schuster?

I think I want to know just exactly how long this bridge is before it burns.

Okay, I'll tell you.

At the end of the war, I was running supplies over the Burma hump.

Those 25 weren't much on bulk cargo, so everything we carried was priority.

Drugs and other medical supplies.

Code books.

Gold for Chang's army.

Then this one day, my crew decided they were going to take a little detour.

Seems they'd made a deal with some Burmese warlord to sell him the Betty

everything in her belly.

They handed me a parachute, pushed me out over the jungle.

I busted my leg, wandered around in the jungle feverish for over a month before

some villagers got me back to my base. By this time, they decided that Betty

Grable had been shot down. That's what they thought. Made it official.

Here, here, you want to see some of my crew?

This is my crew, men.

For all I know, they may be dead by now.

Men.

Farley Burr.

Burr's engineered the whole thing. He stuck a gun in my ear just as though

never flown all those missions together.

That's the guy I want to get.

You know, that plane came in out of nowhere.

Made the evening news, then it was gone.

So what? Who cares?

Besides, it's a real long shot.

But Betty Grable's scrapped metal by now. And even if she isn't.

Even if that plane turns out to be her.

Nobody's looking.

Irish Kelly'd be looking.

That old buzzard's probably dead by now.

Look, the Air Force closed the case in 46.

We did it, Don. We're free.

Stop worrying.

Yeah, well, I want to stay free. I got a lot to lose.

And so do you, tycoon.

All right, if you have to, go ahead.

But very quietly.

You understand?

Quite a fine job you two did, thanks.

Irish is still asleep upstairs. I really don't think we're going to be needing

you anymore.

Actually, Mrs. Vogel, there's something we'd like to talk to you about, if we

may. Hmm.

Got you hooked, too, huh?

Well, actually, right now, we're just a little confused about everything.

A friend of ours at the Naval Air Station ran a record check, came up with

of stuff about Betty Grable and her crew. All missing, by the way, presumed

dead.

He also came up with this.

Court -martial of one Captain Daniel Kelly.

He didn't do it, no.

Did you read that part? The Army didn't have a case.

They just had a scapegoat. I know it point by point.

I'm sure you do, Mrs. Vogel.

But we didn't come here to debate the case with you. I mean, the case has been

closed for almost 40 years.

Not for Irish, it's not.

He flew over 32 missions, got the DFC for crying out loud. Do you think the

cared? No.

No wonder he goes off the deep end every time he sees a B -25.

He also went off the deep end at his court -martial.

Question. Don't you feel the least remorse about the men you abandoned to

fire? Answer.

Explosive deleted.

No.

They're the ones you ought to be after.

Dirty explosive deleted.

You are all a bunch of dirty explosive deletions.

Calling the court.

A bunch of dirty expletives deleted was not really the best way for your

grandfather to stay out of jail.

Were you in jail, Grandpa?

No, they were just telling stories about... Honey.

Yeah.

Kyle, I was in jail a long time ago, and they were wrong. I didn't do what they

said. That's good.

But we still have to make them believe it. That's why I got to find the Betty

Grable.

Are you going to help me?

Sure.

Well?

Could be. It was definitely a 25.

They don't know where it went.

But that's not the worst part.

Oh, I'd love to hear the worst part.

There was a guy out there yesterday.

An old guy. Kind of crazy.

And they called him Irish.

Shouldn't have given him that parachute.

Mom, why didn't you mark all these boxes?

Has it all been marked the same way?

Rick's junk. More of Rick's junk.

How could I know you'd want those airplanes? You haven't mentioned them in

years.

Will you please stop throwing everything on the floor?

You sure you kept them? I think so.

It seems to me A .J. blew some of them up with firecrackers.

When did you do that?

Oh, 59, 60... It was just a lip mop! It was just a lip mop! Oh, A

.J. love.

Mr. Kelly, A .J. wore this on Halloween when he was six.

Mom, can we get back to business again, please?

Look, this is. It's serious stuff. He wore this for two months. And if you

called him Rick instead of Hopalong, he wouldn't answer.

When was that? It must have been... Last year.

Ah.

Bingo.

Uh -huh.

Bingo.

Is this it?

B24.

What's the difference?

Four inches.

25's got two.

Uh -huh.

Divine gun mount.

Even had a model, they called it the G model. Had a 75 millimeter cannon right

here in the nose.

What was the model you flew?

G, just like this.

Why do you need this?

So H .A. and I know what we're looking for. That's what you got me for.

No, no, we'll bring you in afterwards to make a positive ID. I don't like that.

I want to be with you all the time.

No, it's against our policy to put the client in jeopardy. Oh, come on. I can

take care of myself.

This ought to paralyze that guy.

All right, well, let's turn it around and put it the other way. It's against

policy to put our information sources in jeopardy from our clients. What

information sources?

Remember that load of Colombian Christmas trees that came in on the

I've been thinking, what the hell kind of cargo is that?

Well, you know, Christmas trees.

What you find under them counts.

A noble ambition.

He needs a ride.

Who told you I'd care?

The snowman.

Oh, you must be a recent immigrant from Terminal Island.

Six weeks.

When's the snowman getting out?

If he really behaves himself, he ought to be back in business by, uh, oh, 96.

I might be able to get your general as far as Rio for half price.

He has some cargo.

Describe it for me.

Oh, good. He's here. I'll just let him tell you all about it himself.

Who's here?

Zweibach. Who's that?

Zweibach? The madman from Munich? The world's top dollar mercenary. He's the

general's liaison.

You be careful with him because he's a killer. Okay.

Listen, listen.

You do not mention Zimbabwe.

He also thinks that you have very pretty eyes.

What's he saying?

He wants to know if you've ever been to Paraguay. Never mind where I've been.

Where's this general of yours?

Your former president.

How is the general? He was so depressed last week.

His heart really is with his people.

So feel better, danke. It's much better, thank you. Good, good, good. We shot 42

on the back nine. Will you get to the point?

Herr General, this is a certain aircraft.

Something sort of U -Haul.

Something also...

Something also funky and something also

ex -militarish would be very nice.

And what's the cargo?

Oh, a sort of small arms, some defoliants, some

Xerox machine.

Of course, it's monkey.

Ah, don't forget about the, uh...

There are also two trunks which must be kept a

precise distance apart.

Why? Because they are the two trunks which must be kept a precise distance

apart. No problem.

Except that I'm philosophically opposed to war.

Once the general has the two trunks.

Because, Rabano, there will be no war.

Herr General believes in peace through intimidation. I hope

you are not also philosophically opposed to peace through intimidation.

$50 ,000 could eliminate any lingering doubts I might have.

Very good.

I shall inform Herr General.

I trust there shall be no problem.

What I'm going to tell you is hypothetical.

If there was a guy that was right for your needs,

could be he's flying into Linda Vista Field tomorrow.

Could also be he owns a World War II bomber.

Would that be the right size?

How would his name be called?

Ted Astro.

On behalf of Herr General and his people,

vielen Dank.

Perhaps after the coronation, you would be so kind as to come down and visit

Herr General in his villa.

Pass. I'm allergic to bananas.

You just bring Astro to me.

I'll be here around noon, and I'll wait.

I think we can work out a deal.

Wonder about it.

Irish. Come on, Rick, we gotta go.

Irish. Look, just tell him we're on our way.

All right, hey.

Irish. Irish.

Rick, just tell him.

Hey, hey.

Look, oh, for heaven's sake, give me the phone.

All right, hotshot, you try it.

All right, now, Irish, just listen. I just... Irish,

shut up and listen.

You will not go out there until you hear from us. You will stick by the phone.

If it's a B -25, we will call you right away.

Goodbye, Irish.

Yes. My name's Ed Beckwith. I'm an investigator with the Federal Aviation

Agency. May I talk to you for a minute?

Yeah, could you make it fast because we're on our way out?

We have reason to believe that Linda Vista Field is receiving Sub Rosa

deliveries. Now, I've been assigned to stake it out, posing as a pilot for

Fine. What's that got to do with us? That fellow Irish was a pretty

force out there yesterday.

Now, the FAA would appreciate it if you could just keep him away from there

until our investigation is completed.

That's all been taken care of. We're handling it for him now.

Are you going out to Linda Vista again?

We're on our way there right now.

What's his interest in this B -25? That's confidential.

Look, we will work with you. All we want to do is check out this B -25. This

one's supposed to be coming in right now.

We want to identify it for our client. You want to come with us? That's all

right. But you've got to make up your mind. It's after 8. We've got to go.

Let's go.

All right.

Put that back.

Were those guys out here yesterday?

Yeah, they're just a couple of pilots waiting for action. What time is that B

-25 to end?

Could be any time. We appreciate your covering for us.

Oh, that's one Yomi. Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

I recognize.

Lucky gas. The shoes.

What did we tell you? If you think I'm going to stay at home and wait, you're

crazy. What's happening?

Nothing is happening. Will you please go on and get out of here? Forget it,

Jooster.

This may be it.

That's no B -25.

Damn waste of time. Well, see there, you should have stayed home like you were

supposed to. Somebody has got to find a Betty Gravel, and you guys don't seem to

be too competent. Now, just a... Well, you had 27 years. We've only had two

days. I'm going to go have a little chat with that pilot coming. No, you are

not. You go out there, you're going to screw up everything for us. Now, do you

want our help or not?

Make up your mind.

I'll wait right here.

Take a look.

Hi.

You know when Ostro's due in?

Who wants to know?

Well, Bubba says he might be able to help us.

Oh.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Well, Ostro, your luck finally ran out. Hey! What are you hauling this time?

Cocaine or just a little grass?

What's the rap contraband?

Parakeets.

He'll let us know at the arraignment.

You fellas sure your mama's coming to get you? Oh, yeah.

She's used to this.

You're fired. What is that there for?

Be quiet, darling. You fellas ever get out of there, I'm still interested.

Okay.

Ed Beckwith, confirm our story?

Who?

Beckwith, Beckwith, you know. Come on, come on, come on. Just because you got a

bunch of anemic parakeets instead of your dope doesn't mean you have to

us. I don't know any Beckwith.

Yeah, you do the FAA guy.

Medium height, blue eyes?

Yeah. Name isn't Beckwith.

You stays with the FAA.

He says he's a pilot.

He also says he doesn't know you guys from Adam.

He's lying. Where is he?

His bail was posted ten minutes ago.

Let's go.

Come on, let's go.

Let him out.

Hi, Mom.

Come on, let's go.

I'm late for practice. Yes, ma 'am. Yes, ma 'am.

Where's the plane now, do you know?

Yeah, they have an air show at 29 Palms today.

Can we rent a plane around here?

Well, it's not that far. You can drive it in a couple hours.

Yeah, but I'd like to get there as quick as possible.

Crown Aviation's the closest place.

Remember, if you run across Rick and A .J. Simon again, you got amnesia.

Oh, yeah, I can feel it coming over me right now.

What's your interest in that old plane?

The thing doesn't fly any good anymore.

When I brought her up here from Peru, she almost put me in the drink.

Our interest is purely sentimental.

Take a left to the next corner.

Hello, Bubba.

How's the General's monkey?

Get the hell out of here.

We don't do business with PIs.

Oh, we're not talking about doing business. We're talking about scrambling

or more of your vital organs.

You're not going to shoot me in here.

Hey, Arch.

Yo. Okay if I shoot this guy in here?

Sure. We're going to lock the door.

Where's the V -25?

I sold it.

To who?

The Cremoni Flying Circus.

What is Ed Beckwith to you?

Nobody. A couple of friends of his posted my bail and paid me off to keep

mouth shut about the plane.

Why?

They didn't say.

What were their names?

I don't know.

Come on.

I'm telling you, man, I don't know. I didn't ask and they didn't say.

How old were they?

Sixties, maybe.

Where is this flying circus?

29 Palms. For how long?

I don't know.

You know, you look better with your scar.

How'd you like it back?

Have a nice day.

Good luck. Thanks, Eric.

Irish! Irish!

Irish! Hey!

You are not going along. The hell I'm not. What are you guys doing here

I hire you to do a simple thing like keep him out of trouble for one day, and

winds up in jail.

I told you, Chris, it's not their fault.

That doesn't make any difference.

I was against this from the start.

You fellas have been fired, and that's that. They're on my payroll now, Pete.

And we will do the job. You just tell us how to identify him. Can I do that?

No.

Nobody's going.

I am. Wait, look, Irish, if the guys that bailed out Ostro really are members

your crew, There could be trouble.

You're not going, darling.

That's it.

Christy, he's your son. I'm your grandfather. The advantage I have over

has to do what you say. I don't. You fellas come in or I have to hitchhike.

Horace, I don't want you to go.

I don't want you to go either.

I don't want you to go.

I think we better go.

Come on, Simon. Pass this truck. He's holding us up.

Should have taken your car, Schuster.

Would you mind not calling me Schuster?

What's your name?

Simon. Oh, you're Schuster. Why didn't you say so?

Ah, what's in a name?

Listen, you think you'd recognize any of your crew if you saw them after all

these years?

I had no birth.

We shared the same quarters for 18 months. I'm not sure about the others.

I hope the hell one of them is Burroughs.

If you recognize anybody, you just let us know about it. You stay out of it.

Oh, sure.

Well, Mr. Crowder, for that kind of money, how can I say no?

Of course, I want to take a closer look at her first. Oh, you be my guest. She's

all yours if you want her.

Go see if you can find some paint remover.

Think you can fly her?

Yeah, where to?

The ocean. I want you to ditch her.

Cost you a bundle.

I figured that.

When?

As soon as it gets dark.

No way.

I'm not going to bail out at night over the water.

Don't worry, I'll have a boat pick you up.

Let's go plot a course for the chopper.

First, I'm gonna go buy this sucker.

What happened to the rest of the crew?

Well, Haney's dead.

Steve Smith, the gunrunner in South America, last I heard.

It was a one -plane mission, no cover. We came in at 5 ,000 feet, dropped two

and a half tons of GPs on the wall surrounding Mandalay.

What are GPs?

General Purpose Bombs. Why, we tore that wall anew and the British ground troops

poured in.

Colonel Okasawa fell on his super goo knife.

Come on, come on, let's step on it.

Stop here.

I want to be alone with her for a minute, fellas.

Come on, guys.

I knew it was her. I'd know this baby anywhere.

Hey, Irish.

She change much?

Buttons for the nose guns are gone.

I guess she hasn't run a whole lot of bombing missions lately.

Otherwise, she looks pretty good.

Yeah. Let's see how she sounds.

Uh, uh, Irish?

Uh, I don't know. We shouldn't be doing that. Let her hum a little bit, boy.

Well, uh... Come on, baby.

Irish? Uh... Yeah, that doesn't sound... No, uh... Irish,

I don't... It looks like she's catching over there.

Yeah, there she goes. There she goes.

Let's see how she does.

No, let's go. No, come on, Irish. Come on, Irish.

He's taken off. Swing around in front of him.

What are you doing with that thing?

You can't bring down a B -25.

If you hit the pilot, you can.

Irish, look out. Look out. Look out.

You got banded up there.

That's Paris.

Get to your stations, men.

What station?

Oh, pilot.

Chester, you... I don't know how to fly one of these. How long has it been since

you've flown one? Riding a bicycle. I do not want to hear that.

Get to your guns.

Aye, aye, Captain.

What's that?

Flats up.

Pops, get them damn flats up. You want Betty to fly like a goonie bird?

Here,

take over.

Hold it. 180 degrees.

What?

Well, it must have ruptured the main hydraulic system. Irish.

Irish. You know, I used to keep... I... Well...

I'll feed them. Will you look at that?

Irish. Hey, do you like a little nip? No, Irish. Please take over.

Hold it steady, boy.

All right, I got it.

I got it.

Turn loose the damn wheel.

They're underneath us.

Hey, AJ.

You guys hear me up there?

Hey, yeah.

This is the B -25 Betty Grable.

Mayday, Lindbergh Field.

Over. This is Lindbergh. We read you 5 by 5 Mayday.

Could I have that ID again?

This is the Betty Grable.

Our course is 180 degrees.

Request emergency landing instructions.

My hydraulic system is out. Okay, Betty Grable, we've got you on radar.

You have clearance on runway 31.

Runway 31, how do you read? Loud and clear.

Everything under control up here, guys?

It's that hydraulic leak. We can't get enough pressure on the primary system to

get the gear down.

Is that bad?

Nah.

Well, not usually.

Seems to me my backup hydraulic system went out once over New Britain.

Yeah. Yeah, there's an emergency, Pop.

That's good.

Somewhere. Oh, come on, Irish steak. This is a Betty Grable. This is your

You know her like you know your lover.

We haven't made love in a long time, boys. Just look back there. It's right

there somewhere. Come on, look around.

I'm looking.

Edward Peel.

Betty Grable.

Can you tell me where the emergency landing system is located on a B -25?

Uh...

Negative, Betty Grable.

Then get Arch McBride over there.

Arch's hangar.

I'll be right there.

Irish is bringing the Betty Gravely!

Irish,

what does it look like?

Huh?

I said, what does it look like? I don't know. I remember it's red. Red, red,

okay, red, red. Is it big? Is it little? There's a lot of red stuff back there,

Irish. Yeah, well, it's, uh, yeah, I don't remember.

It's gonna look like this.

Betty Grable, we've got Arch.

Yeah, Betty Grable.

Now listen, Irish.

The manual hydraulic emergency pump on a B -25 model...

Okay, I got it.

Thanks, Arch.

We're on approach.

Roger,

Betty Grable.

We've just gotten word that that helicopter that fired on you has crash

safely. Its passengers are being detained by police.

Easy for them. All it had to do was fall.

Align your wings. They're not parallel.

Roger.

Okay, okay. Now you're looking good.

Reduce speed.

All right, boys.

Here we go. Grab onto something.

Not that.

This is one good airplane.

Can we get out of it now?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Irish,

you got her down.

What the hell do you think I do?