Original subtitles

AJ, you are so busy listening to violins that this whole thing is out of tune.

Tonight on Simon and Simon.

He wanted to put me on that stupid list.

What stupid list?

The ten sexiest women in San Diego.

She's no murderer.

One of the pictures was mine.

You're on the list!

I was a finalist. It's a shame to think one of these lovely ladies could be a

cold -blooded killer.

Whoever killed him deserves a medal. It is my life!

And if you think I'm going to stick it on the line because you happen to be

playing house with my brother here, Rick!

Why don't you call it a night, Mr. Simon?

Maybe I should call your brother.

Get you home, okay?

You feel like talking about it?

What's her name?

Amanda.

Amanda McKay.

It's funny, it's only a week ago.

I woke up.

I woke up before the doorbell rang.

Did that ever happen to you?

Mr. Simon?

I know it's late, but your ad said 24 hours.

Yeah.

We believe in truth in advertising.

I'm sorry I badgered your cleaning guy at the office into giving me your

here. Well, that's okay.

George has got a good eye. He wouldn't have given it to you unless he thought

you needed it.

He was right about that.

I'm going to be accused of murder.

Um, come on in.

Of course I didn't kill him. I didn't even know the man.

Until this morning, High Elton was just a name on the master of a magazine. You

know, San Diego scene.

What were you doing having a meeting with the publisher?

He wanted to put me on that stupid list.

The ten sexiest women in San Diego.

There are women in this town who'd kill to be on that list.

As far as I'm concerned, that list is an invasion of privacy.

I was on my lunch hour yesterday, and this photographer attacked.

He was a human swarm. He just kept shooting and shooting and shooting. He

wouldn't even stop when I asked, and I tried to get away, but he chased me.

So you went to this man, to High Elton, and told him you did not want to be on

the list?

We had a big fight in his office, and everyone heard it.

I threatened him with a lawsuit, and he just laughed.

He was so damn arrogant.

And then he seemed to relent. He asked me to come to his house tonight, said

that he would reconsider.

I got there around 7, and the door was wide open, and he was lying

on the floor. He was dead.

Get in touch with Boys and Homicide. Everything's still fresh. You'll be

involved in the investigation, but not as a suspect.

I can't go to the police.

Why? I just can't.

And you can't ask me why.

Well, I don't see how we can help you.

Well, then I'm just going to have to find another detective agency.

Wait, wait, wait. Just a moment, please.

Could I have a word with you for a moment, Rick?

Would you excuse us, please?

Let her walk. Whatever it is she's hiding from the cops, I don't have

to do with it. She's just scared. We just have to go slow, that's all. Hey,

Jamie, my radar is picking up trouble and you are about to fly right into it.

Look at her. I have looked at her. She's no murderer. Oh, come on. Rick, I want

this one.

$300 a day, plus expenses.

Reliable sources report that the celebrated list of San Diego's 10

is missing, apparently stolen from the scene of the murder.

A lot of people could have wanted that list.

One of Elton's competitors, say?

He reveals the list just before Elton publishes it, and the hottest selling

issue of the year goes down in flames.

Oh, I got a better one. Listen to this.

In addition to collecting his ten sexy women, Elton gained notoriety for

including hints of scandal in their profile.

Maybe a lot of women would have killed to get on the list, but it looks one of

them might have killed to get off it.

It's possible.

If we can find out who made the list, maybe we'll turn up a suspect.

I've already got a suspect hiding out at your place.

We have a client at my place. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What we have to do is find the photographer that Elton used.

And we know it wasn't a staff photographer.

So all we have to do is start hitting the freelancers.

There's a phone booth up here. Pull over and save us a day or so.

How?

My friend Lynetta is very heavy into photography.

Yeah?

Portraiture or landscape?

Centerfold.

Make it hurt. Make it hurt. That's good.

Good, good. One more. The Nelson, maybe. I love the Nelson. Oh, that's good.

That's good.

How about the hair? The hair. Give me the hair. Give me the hair.

The hair. I love it. Okay. You're hot. You're hot. You're happening. You're

Okay. Go ahead. Plug her.

Sensation. Get her a glass of water.

Is she all right?

Oh, she's a pro. Are you kidding? She'll be ready in a second.

They're opening on Friday at Mud World.

Listen, I'd like to help you fellas out, especially since you're pals with

Lynetta. But the cops got the whole thing. They were in this morning. We

at the proof sheets. The negatives, too.

Yeah, but you know who's on the list, right?

Hey, Elton paid me to take pictures of dozens of girls.

He gave me names. I gave him photos.

Do you remember any of the names?

Remember?

I get paid for my eye, not for my memory.

See? Pros, I told you.

Mm -hmm.

Uh, listen, uh...

I understand that the price of film has gone up. Guys, you don't understand.

The cops have closed my shutter. Follow me? I can't talk.

A guy in my line, I need the cooperation, you know, to get through

so I can shoot car crashes and mangled bodies and so forth.

Besides, Nick Fiesta has got integrity.

Okay, girls, slip off the suits.

What?

Goodbye. Don't even... Hey, come on. Have we ever betrayed your trust?

Yes. Well, have we ever gotten you in trouble for helping us?

Yes. Well, see there, you got nothing left to lose.

Come on, Janet.

Just give us one good reason why you can't help us.

I will do better than that. I'll give you three good reasons.

Look, this Elton murder is strictly a police investigation, and the DA's

has absolutely nothing to do with it. And therefore, it could be politically

embarrassing for anybody from our office to stick our nose anywhere near it. And

not only that, I could be fired.

That too.

Well, you said you were going to give us three good reasons.

Uh... What's the third?

I... One of the pictures was mine. Sorry?

One of the pictures was mine.

Oh, you're on the list.

I was a finalist. Oh, a finalist. Well, hello.

Police came by this morning.

Oh, and a suspect.

Oh, I am not.

Yes, you are.

Well, okay.

Technically, I guess I am. But I only met High Elton one time at the annual

First Amendment dinner dance.

He grabbed my knee under the table. Oh, freedom of reach. That's a clear motive

for murder. Oh, absolutely.

See, now I think you'll understand why, although I would love to help you, but

this time you're on your own.

Well, Janet, I hope you didn't do it.

I would hate to think of you as a murderess, but you probably look

prison gray.

I'd say she's in the top five anyway.

And sexy.

Gorgeous in prison gray.

No, no, everything's fine. It's probably just a flu bug.

Oh, you did?

Well, I'm not there. I know I should have called you.

I'm house -sitting for a friend.

I'll check with you later, okay?

Right, I will.

Bye.

I'm sorry I didn't hear you. I really hope you don't mind. I was just calling

the office.

Oh, it's fine.

You work nearby?

Yes, I'm a secretary.

Oh, my goodness. Look at this place.

What happened? I've never even seen it this clean and neat before.

Well, I'm a Virgo. My tragic flaw is neatness.

Oh, boy.

I have been looking for this for months.

Dormy Monday.

T -Bone Walker on Liberty Records.

It was underneath the couch.

I figured anybody who would jot down something like that, that it must be

important. If you ever heard the song, you'd know just how important it is. I

like the 78 version on Bluebird.

You're kidding. I couldn't find 78 Bluebird anywhere.

And you call yourself a detective?

Have you tried Jazzman on 3rd and B? Are you serious?

Wow.

You're amazing.

Since you're so good at remembering names, maybe you could help us out with

Helton's list.

You haven't heard any names when you were with him?

No, we were too busy arguing about me.

Why don't you trust me?

Because you don't trust us.

Hey, come on, Rick. We got nothing here, A .J.

Fistful of nothing.

A .J., believe me.

The things I can't tell you have nothing to do with this murder.

I believe you.

The list.

The killer's got the list.

We can't get the killer.

What else have we got? We got pictures.

Cops got the pictures.

Yeah, but we know where the cops have got the pictures.

Who'd Ernie Boyer work for last year?

Drug Enforcement Administration.

DEA, that'll do just fine. It's time to dust old Ernie off.

Now that's something that's easy on the eyes.

Don't get much of that in here.

So how long have you been working for Judge Roberts?

Oh, just a couple of weeks, really.

I don't want to hold you up. I mean, if you've got something you want to go do,

I'm... No, I don't go to lunch for another hour.

Did you hear about the Kleppman killing?

No.

Logged a weapon in about an hour ago.

Hey, you want to see it?

Bloodstains just below the thumb hole.

All right, Porco, hold your butt out here. Two trips if necessary. Come on.

Who the hell is that?

Oh, jeez, I know that jerk.

It's a Fed DEA, I think.

Drop it and stop it, Fuzzberg. We got federal business.

Come on. All right.

What have you been doing back there, Geese, playing with the evidence? I

got all day out here.

Happy birthday.

I'm not logging in anything until I see your shield.

million -dollar heroin bust.

I'm wired up here like Radio City Music Hall, and you want me to carry a marquee

that says, Hi, I'm Ernie Boyer.

Narc!

Log it!

I believe I have everything I need. Thank you very much. Oh, any time. Just

sign here and give me your thumbprint.

Okay.

I'm walking here, pal. You just take a number and wait. Log it. I'm in a hurry

if you don't mind. I do.

I know you. You're Robert's gopher.

I am Judge Robert's head clerk. Yes, that is correct.

That gutless pinko bleeding heart. We bust our chops to get the slime in the

corral. These guys let him go before we can even stick a brand on him.

Look, Boyer.

Boyer!

You're lucky that any of your cases come to court at all. Most of them get blown

away in the streets. You're a one -man body count, you illiterate degenerate. I

got a...

There's more chemicals in here than there is kidney and liver.

Come on.

Let's go.

Figure she'd own a cat.

Come on. Let's go.

How long is she going to be a house guest anyway?

As long as it takes.

Come on. That's good for you. Go on.

Cat people.

Can't trust them.

Rick, I am getting a little tired of the same old song. Take a look at this.

There are no labels in any of these clothes. It's like she cut them out so

nobody would know where she bought them or where she came from.

AJ, you are so busy listening to violins that you fail to see the fact this

whole thing is out of tune.

You and I have been in thousands of places like this. Man, what do we always

find?

Some guy on the run, some guy with no place to go. Take a look around here.

There's not one photograph on a wall.

There is not one plant in this whole place. Not one note on a refrigerator.

There's not so much as a Snoopy doll in this place. Not even a picture of the

damn cat.

Don't you get it?

Nobody lives here.

Boy.

It's a shame to think one of these lovely ladies could be a cold -blooded

killer.

Oh, my goodness.

Here she is.

Oh.

That's your friend Janet?

That is her.

Well, I wouldn't want to go up against her in court.

Well, I don't know.

Wait a minute. Look, you seem to be holding your own pretty well in this

He must have been following me for weeks.

I never saw him when we were playing that day.

Oh, he's used a telephoto lens there, see?

All right.

Who's this guy you're playing with?

The only man in my life.

My boss.

Well, matched up all the names we've got.

And I'll take care of about half the pictures.

It's enough to get us started.

Well, this is the cheeriest he's been since I first darkened your door.

Why shouldn't I be?

Trying to get out a woman's specialty of mine.

Special High Elton memorial issue.

Yes, ma 'am.

The entire thing will be devoted to the man, the legend, you know, that sort of

thing.

Yeah, but our cover is going to be on the final list.

San Diego's ten sexiest women bid farewell to High Elton. I mean, how is

for hot? We're going to use all the pictures, just do it up bigger in life.

Poor choice of words, actually.

But we would like your reactions and maybe any thoughts on High and his

High Elton.

The man was a slug. Whoever killed him deserved the medal.

Ah, that a fact.

Slug. What caused your overwhelming affection for the man?

The creep was always after me for micked doubles.

You play tennis?

No, afraid at all.

Neither did High.

Ah.

Police continue their search for the brutal killer of publisher High Elton.

Sources report authorities are looking for a mystery woman who was seen arguing

with Eldon hours before the killing.

Next, an exclusive expose of fast food milkshakes. And we continue our guide to

weekend love nest hideaways.

Tonight, live on 5.

One. Clear.

Okay, we'll just have to adjust this ink here.

Okay, um, go ahead and use the photograph, but don't expect me to say

nice about High Elton.

I criticize him often enough on the air.

He was a shallow, neurotic man who used his magazine to pick on personal targets

and to chase women.

Sounds like you speak from personal experience.

Well, I was one of the few who eluded him.

He found that particularly intriguing.

Oh, he did.

as he liked women who were hard to get.

Ah.

Mrs. Cline, usually we see your name in society columns and symphony programs.

Do you find your inclusion in the Elton list at all surprising?

Nothing High Elton ever did surprised me. Every breath the man took was

calculated. Then you knew him.

Actually, I knew his type better than I knew him.

I'm on the board of several local charities.

Let's just say that Mr.

Elton's... contributions always came with strings attached.

A generous donation to the art museum always led to a bit of scandal for

his gossip column.

Well, in your opinion, how do you think you got on the list?

Well, that's easy. My family helped found this city.

That sort of background appealed to a man like Elton.

When your nouveau riche, nothing quite as sexy as old money.

Alfred,

These gentlemen are from San Diego's team.

They want to publish my photograph in a memorial issue to High Elton.

Hi. Hello.

How do you do?

The man is dead, but the bad taste lives on, huh?

Well, Mr. Elton would have wanted it that way, sir.

Yeah, I'm sure he would have.

Why don't you get out of here?

May we quote you?

Out. Out.

Thank you.

Think you struck a nerve there?

I think the guy's too rich to have nerves.

He seemed amused by the whole thing. Why not? They can afford it.

Come on, let's get back. I want to see if Amanda's okay.

You can handle that. Drop me off at the office.

Damn it, Alfred.

I spent 15 minutes creating a portrait of equanimity, and you destroy it in

seconds. Joanie, we're being blackmailed for God knows how much, and you're

worrying about putting on a show for a couple of reporters?

Until we know who the blackmailer is, we're going to have to be nice to

everyone.

It has to be the photographer that Elton was using. Who else could get his hands

on that roll of film?

I'll find him.

The question is, what do I do when I find him?

Just get the film.

If anybody saw those pictures... Oh, my God, this scandal will ruin all of us.

Forget about the scandal.

I just pray that he doesn't know about the murder.

Hello, hello?

Amanda?

Anybody decent up there?

Anybody indecent up there?

Where the hell have you been? I was worried about you.

I'm sorry. I had to get out.

I went to that record store to see if I could buy Stormy Monday.

You won't believe this, but some guy bought the only one they had two hours

before.

Betty, honey, how's my best friend's phone coming?

All right, listen, I need a little favor.

Well, yeah, that too, but this particular favor is work -related.

Yeah, phone number.

A toll call made yesterday morning from A .J.'s place, about 11 .45.

Who, me? Come on, would I check up on my little brother?

Well, of course I can hold for you.

Excuse me, sir. I'm trying to locate the employer of Amanda McKay.

Amanda McKay? Yes, sir. I don't believe I know the name. It's just to verify her

employment. Well, I'm sorry.

There's no one working for me by that name.

That's odd.

It said on the insurance application she was employed by a Jeffrey Laird. Oh,

there you are. That's your mistake.

My name is Philip Bloom.

I am sorry. Somebody pointed you out as Mr.

Laird. Perhaps you've seen her around here, though. Here's a fairly recent

photograph of her.

Uh, I'm sorry.

I've never seen that woman before.

Well, thank you for your time.

Uh, Mr. Bloom.

You play tennis, don't you?

Golf.

Golf. That's...

That's...

Oh, to the right, to the right.

Okay, wet those lips.

Wet those lips. Uh -huh, uh -huh. Open them up a little bit.

That's beautiful. Lower that right arm.

That's good.

That's good. That's good. Beautiful.

Towards me. Towards me. With those lips. With those lips.

The wind is blowing in your hair.

The sand is kissing your toe.

The stars are yours for the touch.

Beautiful. Beautiful.

Okay. Okay. Lower the elbow. That's good. That's good.

Fabulous. Towards me a little bit more. A little bit more. Okay. I love it. I

love it.

Okay, babe. Terrific.

Now let's do it.

Without the suit. Okay, great.

Oh, just a second. I just realized I made a little appointment, so why don't

meet me back here at 5 o 'clock, okay, Carita?

Terrific.

Mr. Klein, very nice to meet you.

I'll talk to you.

Hey, be quiet.

Amanda's sleeping.

All right, you want to hear about little Miss Muffet up there? I traced the call

she made yesterday. What? It's the federal office building. Her boss's name

Philip Bloom. Works for the U .S. Treasury Department. Only he says he's

heard of Amanda McKay before.

Well, well, well, along came a spider.

You went to my office today?

That's right, lady. I like to know who I work for. You're on my time. I am not

paying you to investigate me. You want a refund?

I don't want my boss to know about this. Is that so difficult to grasp? No, I

will tell you what is difficult to grasp. What is difficult to grasp is why

boss would say you don't work there. That's not your business. That's my

business, not yours. No, wrong, lady. Your business is not just your business.

It is my life.

And if you think I'm going to stick it on the line because you happen to be

playing house with my brother here... Hey, Rick!

You are way out of line. Now, if you want to finish that thought, I will be

to help you.

Good morning.

Oh, good morning.

Breakfast in bed?

Yeah, I made a little extra just in case you were hungry.

Looks good.

You know, I came between two brothers once before.

Really?

Who? Well, they were mine, and I was seven.

And it was the worst fight we ever had.

How did it end?

My mom stopped it. She made us kiss and make up.

Oh.

Morning. Morning.

Yeah, look, I think I got something here.

Fiesta was shooting with bulk film. It's got key numbers every foot.

Take a look at this.

It's a pretty fair -sized gap in the numbers there.

I think I got some film missing.

Fiesta said he gave all the pictures to the police.

Yeah, well, sleazebags holding out on us and the cops.

I'm gonna go down and shake that other roll of film out of it.

I'll go with you.

You mind?

Ricky.

AJ.

Long time no see.

I've missed you.

Well, sure. How's business?

Booming. Good, good, good.

If homicide ever makes it onto the big board, we're gonna own half of Wall

Street.

Then you'll be a great broker.

We'll see you around.

That's the problem.

I've been seeing you around, all around.

It seems as though you guys have been spending about as much time on this case

as I have.

Huh? Who was your client?

Client? Oh, no, no. See, we just came by to pick up a family portrait. This guy,

Fiesta, has got a great sense of light. Don't you think so? I do. I know just

what you mean.

Take a look at this composition.

Uh -huh. Uh -huh. See?

It's very nice. Mm -hmm.

Who is she?

Why don't you tell me?

Because we don't know.

Look, Shore, all we want to do is talk to Fiesta. Is that too much to ask?

I don't think so.

He's right over here.

Of course, you will let me know if you find out anything, won't you? Yeah,

absolutely, first thing. There you go.

Well,

did they find what they were looking for, whatever that was?

We don't think so. The cleaning crew came in.

Whoever was in here must have heard them and took off.

Judging from the M .O., the same person killed High Elf and killed Fiesta.

Couldn't you see anything?

I mean, did they get a description of the guy?

I didn't say it was a guy.

Well, let's go, A .J.

Good luck on this one, Shore.

I think you're going to need it.

I think I owe you an apology.

Amanda was with us when Fiesta was killed.

The one of us, anyway.

She's off the hook.

Off your hook.

She won't be clear with the police until the killer is found.

Missing roll of film.

Think Fiesta was trying blackmail?

Looks like it.

Also looks like the killer didn't find the film.

Hope sure doesn't either.

Look at this.

Cops always use the same locks. I think they got it grossed out right after the

Korean War.

If you don't hurry, there's going to be daylight before we get in there.

Here, hold this.

A lot of photographers keep their film in the refrigerator.

Did

you

know that if you left a head of lettuce unwrapped in the refrigerator, that it

would disappear completely within two to three months?

I'm going to put that in my bachelor cookbook.

Did you know that all canisters of unexposed film have a strip five or six

inches long?

Right, that's so you can load the camera. Makes sense.

All of them are like that.

Except this one.

That poor little fella.

Oh, look at this.

That's hotter than Mama Gomez cooking.

Well. One of the highlights of Elton's sexiest woman feature was always the

wrecker of the year award.

Looks like he was planning a major demolition job here.

Good

evening,

Mr. Klein.

We were just going to call you.

The others, of course, are a good deal more revealing.

And you went on us.

No, now, A .J., you remember Mrs. Schmidt? She was having an affair with

woman. That's no reason to kill two people.

Oh, shut up.

I'll have to shut you up now.

Like you did Fiesta?

What was it with Fiesta, anyway? I mean, was it because he had the pictures?

Or was it because he knew that you killed Elton?

Oh, A .J., come on, don't be ridiculous now. Mr. Klein here is a pillar of the

community.

Why did you kill Elton?

It was an accident.

We had an argument.

He was going to expose my wife's affair in the magazine.

You see there, A .J., I told you Mr. Klein wasn't a vicious type. He was just

protecting his wife.

Who's going to protect Terry, the anchorwoman?

Oh, she's okay. She doesn't know anything about that. Look.

Gentlemen.

That's why I hired these two men.

Thank God it's over.

No, darling, it is not over. I'm sorry.

Look, all the police have is our unsubstantiated word that Klein is the

Any concrete evidence is going to be extremely difficult to piece together.

I'm right back where I started. This whole thing's been for nothing. No, it

hasn't. No, it has not been for nothing.

You'll be cleared almost immediately. I mean, this is going to be a formality

now. It's not like before.

Before, you were a major suspect.

Amanda, I don't know what the problem is. I don't know what you're running

But it is tearing you apart.

It's keeping us apart.

AJ, sure, what... I'm sorry.

That's okay.

Listen, I'm not real good at this, but there's something I've got to say to

No, you don't. Yes, I do.

I'm sorry, and if you don't get over here and hug me, I'm going to apologize

about an hour and a half.

Sure, once the CSR office, I'll go wait in the car.

I guess you know I'm falling in love with you.

I... I think...

I hope you feel the same way about me.

Don't... I don't care what you've done. It doesn't matter to me.

We can face it together.

I know I can.

Oh, AJ.

Please.

I just need a little time to get myself together.

Would you talk to the police without me?

Now here is what I got.

Two homicides, no physical evidence to speak of, no gun, no fingerprints, no

pictures, no list.

You tell me Klein is the killer. Well, he is up in smoke, and the negatives

with him. All right, what about Mrs. Klein? Maybe she'll corroborate.

Mm -hmm, what do I do? Go up towards the funeral and say, Hey, Mrs. Klein, I

hear your husband killed a couple of guys because you were having an affair

a TV weather lady. Do you have any comment on that?

What makes you think your deposition is going to cut ice with a DA anyway?

You two are mercenaries, and you are being paid by the prime suspect.

I know you got the McKay woman's dad somewhere.

As a matter of fact, she's ready to come forward and give evidence.

Hey, we're in the middle of a meeting here.

Detective Shore?

Yes. I'll take it from here.

Fine. Just keep me informed, you know, so that I can keep my record straight.

You'll be informed.

What's going on here? Who are you?

I am Amanda's boss.

But my real job is taking care of her. What?

What do you mean, taking care of her?

She was an important witness.

in an organized crime case in the East three years ago.

We gave her a new identity, a new job.

The protected witness program.

We've already moved her twice when the other side seemed to be getting close.

thought this would be the last time.

She loved her life here.

That's why she hired us.

So she wouldn't have to blow her cover and move away again.

Yeah, well, I guess she made the right choice. Looks like she's in the clear,

huh?

Well, no, she isn't.

See, there's still going to be a full police investigation.

Newspaper and television coverage.

She'd be in grave danger.

Excuse me.

Hey, hey, hey!

Are you going to move her again?

We've already moved her.

Well, where? Where'd you take her?

I'm sorry.

Hey, you!

I can do it, Rick. I know you can. I can do it. Look, she likes it here. That

means she wants to live in the Sun Belt. AJ. I know she's got a cat named

Amelia. I know she's got two brothers. I know what kind of music she likes.

Do you know how long it'll take me? Not long. Look, if I wanted to find the

missing person real quick, you're the guy I'd come for.

You may be the best there is. And if you decide to do it... What do you mean,

if? If you decide to do it, I'll help you. We can do it. We can find her.

But what about the guys that are after her, man? They're not as good as you

Are they the founder by now?

And not even the government's going to be able to build a screen that'll keep

you out.

You're going to find a way through it. A door, a crack, something, and you'll

find her.

But you stop and think about the guys that are going to be following us.

A .J., the sooner you find her, the sooner they're going to kill her.

Dearest Andrew, by now you know you must never try to find me.

I want you to know that I love you and I'll never forget our stormy Monday.

Amanda.

once more

so

just turn around should be there

Want to call it a night?

Yeah.

Come on, kid.

Go home.

Easy.

It's all going to be okay.

About a hundred years or so. Come on.