Original subtitles

I think I died and went to heaven.

Tonight, on Diamond and Diamond.

Do you want us to guard a rack of clothes?

This is the Tracy Penn Fall Classic Collection.

If anything happens to it, we all go down.

I don't think you're old enough.

I'm old enough for anything.

So stay away from her. Do you hear me?

Somebody broke in and grabbed the whole thing.

And when I get through with them, they won't be able to get a job guarding a

lamppost. If this works, you are going to be right in the line of fire.

Yep.

Okay, Tracy.

It's a marvelous night.

The champagne is flowing.

All right, now you make your choice.

He's standing right here behind the lens.

Now zero in.

All right, now you said something halfway funny.

Give me the wide angle.

That's great, Tracy.

Well, I think we've done it this time.

Everything looks great.

Let's hold it down, folks.

This is going very well. You're cooking, Tracy.

Now, over here.

What is this?

What is this, some kind of joke or something?

furniture and figured out that your share comes to a little over 200 bucks.

I hope the hangover was worth it.

Billy, I told you a thousand times, don't point.

Hi there.

This is Seaside Motion.

Have you thought about...

Billy! Billy, you come back in here right this minute.

Well, kid ought to learn that you can't go around killing people.

And then when he grows up, maybe he'll know that these things aren't toys.

somebody's machine trying to sell something to our machine.

That'll never work. Our machine is only a sucker for a sexy voice.

Good morning. This is Celeste Dunn Designs. Your firm has been highly

recommended to us. We wish to engage your services.

If you're interested in discussing the assignment, please call us at 555 -2321.

Celeste Dunn Designs. Why does that ring a bell?

That's where that photographer was killed yesterday.

Murder. A murder. A murder case.

A murder case. Oh, boy, it's about time we had something we could sink our teeth

into. A murder. Great.

Uh, excuse me, we're looking for Celeste Dunn.

It's about time you two got here.

Yeah? Neither one of you are really the Tom Selleck type, though, are you?

Oh, well, you'll have to do. Now, you're going to have to be on your absolute

best behavior because we're really way behind schedule with all the problems

we've been having.

The press showing is, oh, boy, four days away. We are never going to make it.

You'll be perfect for our post -preppy collection. We may have to cut your hair

a bit, though.

I really didn't want the country and western look.

Where did you get that hat? It's absolutely Neanderthal.

I like this hat.

Excuse me, ma 'am.

What he's trying to say is I think you've got us confused with somebody

Wait a minute. You're not from the modeling agency?

No, ma 'am. We're Simon and Simon Investigations.

Oh, you're the detective.

Well, that explains the hat.

In that case, we have to go the other direction. Follow me.

Positively Neanderthal.

Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, excuse me.

Nice hat.

We're losing her. Come on.

It's wrong. It's totally and absolutely wrong. Now, Tracy, I can't go through

this again with you. If you can't design things the way I asked for them, then

just forget it. This is exactly the way you asked for it. It's not short enough.

This is the 80s, not the 50s. If you want to design clothes for matrons, go

for a uniform supply house. This is the exact length we discussed, Tracy. It is

not. Oh, not.

I don't see how you expect me to work with such imbeciles, Mother. I can't. I

just can't.

Tracy, come back here.

I told you I want a doll.

Brooke's got a doll. I want a doll, too. The Tracy Penn doll. I want one. I want

to see it on display in all the stores for Christmas.

I am working on it, dear.

Hi. I'm Tracy Penn.

I'm A .J. Simon.

I'll bet the A stands for Andrew.

Very good.

What about the J?

Nothing special.

Tracy?

I have a terrible headache, Mother. I think I'm going to lie down in my

room.

Would you like to see my dressing room?

Tracy?

I hope I see you again.

I hope so, too.

her signet real quick, didn't she?

Who's the muscle man over there?

That's Gilbert Dunn, Celeste's husband.

Ah.

Wonder what he eats for breakfast.

Small foreign cars, probably.

Celeste.

These are the two detectives that you called.

Oh, good.

Hi, I'm Celeste Dunn. Hi, I'm Rick Simon, my brother A .J. How do you do?

met Diana.

This is my husband, Gil. Hi. I'm going to take them to the vault, Gil. Why

you check and see if those Italian pumps have been delivered yet? Oh, I just

did. They're, uh... Uh, excuse us. Nice meeting you.

I'm sorry if I couldn't be more specific on the telephone, but it wouldn't

surprise me if my lines were buffed.

You know, it sounds terribly paranoid, but we're exactly one week away from our

fall press showing.

A year's work, and the jobs of 127 people are riding on its success.

This is the Tracy Penn Fall Classic Collection.

It's our flagship.

If anything happens to it, we all go down.

You're afraid of sabotage?

Exactly. By someone who will stop at nothing, including murder.

And you want us to find out who that... Someone is. I already know who it is.

You do?

Mm -hmm.

Wait a minute. You mean the same person who murdered your photographer?

Jason Wolcott.

Jason... Wolcott.

The top designer in the country today.

Or he was until Tracy Penn came over to me.

Have you told this to the police?

Of course. They're investigating.

I'm not really sure what you need us for.

I need you to protect the collection.

You want us to grab a rack of clothes?

Well, of course.

What did you think I needed you for?

We're detectives. We solve murders.

We locate missing persons. We provide industrial security. We do not watch

clothes.

Rise and shine.

Rise and shine.

You rise, you shine. Get out of here. Hey, we just got a phone call from

Dunn Designs, Inc.

Not the Tracy Penn Fall Fashion Collection.

You got it. Somebody broke in and grabbed the whole thing.

No, we can't have that.

All right. It's for justice.

It was Jason Wolcott.

He was the one who killed Jean -Claude. Now he steals the collection.

What more do you need?

Get a warrant, for God's sake.

Please, Miss Dunn, could you be reasonable? Try to understand that so

isn't any evidence. Don't tell me he didn't do it.

It's clear he's out to ruin me.

Where the hell have you been?

Home.

Leave. These two work for you?

Not anymore, they don't. And when I get through with them, they won't be able to

get a job guarding a lamppost.

Are you too hard to protect these clothes of Miss Dunn's?

That's right. We secured the clothes in the vault last night around 10 o 'clock.

Checked all the doors and windows.

Told the security guard to give us a call. You should have been here all

We weren't paying you to sleep.

As I recall, we're being paid by Celeste Dunn. If anybody's got anything to say

about it, it's her.

No, no, sir. You don't want to do anything like that.

Do you have any idea how they got into the building?

Well, no, we haven't determined that just yet.

Ask Jason Wolcott.

He could tell you. Now, Miss Dunn, you're going to have to be careful while

making these accusations.

After all, Jason Wolcott is a highly respected member of the community.

Then what am I, a social disease?

God's sake, Celeste. No, for my sake.

It's my career and reputation that's on the line here.

Oh? And what about me? Don't you think I'm a little concerned about this? I am

the vice president.

Could we talk to you in private, please?

Come on. What are we doing outside?

A little surprise for you. Come on. I don't think you realize how important

those clothes were.

You made that quite... clear. As a matter of fact, on a scale of one to

Then why are you so damn casual?

I mean, you don't know what the... Thank you.

Tracy Penn Fall Classic Collection by Celeste Dunn

Designs. We didn't just fall off a turnip truck, you know.

Now, if I take my hand away from your mouth, will you promise not to scream?

We didn't want the police to hear.

We want them to go ahead and file their report saying that the Tracy Penn line

was stolen.

Who knows? They might even come up with something. They've been known to solve

the case every once in a while.

But I don't understand.

It's very simple.

Rick and I switched the racks.

We found some old clothes down in one of the storage areas.

We hung them on Tracy's rack, covered it up, and wheeled it into the vault.

You mean the thieves got away with... Mm -hmm. Some of your old designs.

See, what we did was we put the real clothes in the bags there.

Then we parked ourselves right over there, and we watched.

And when the janitor brought the bags out, we picked them up and took them

with us.

You're both fat.

Well, you're...

I thought you said you were in control of everything.

Look at you. You're all over the road.

I'm doing the best I can with Celeste calling the shots.

We both know I can run that business better than she ever did.

If there's a business left to run, I want those detectives fired. You can at

least do that, can't you?

Only Celeste can... Only Celeste can do that.

Oh.

Poor baby.

It's no fun being caught between a rock and a hard place, is it?

You want to play rough?

First,

what are we going to do about Jason?

Well, just, uh, hope he has better luck the next time.

If he does steal the collection, be a big help to us.

He wants more than the collection.

He wants Tracy back.

Her contract's with Celeste.

He wants more than her contract.

Hey, she's 18 now, Viv.

You are not going to be able to keep the wolves from snapping at her forever.

Excuse me, Mr. Walcott.

We're ready for you, sir.

Is there any problem?

No, sir. No problem whatsoever.

Bravo.

It's very good.

I must admit, Celeste, it's very, very good. This is Celeste's fall showing

three years ago.

Dreadful. It's beyond me how it's sold.

It's also worthless.

Burn it.

And get rid of the racks.

Simon. Would you excuse us for just a little bit?

Sure.

All I need is one minute.

Okay.

Go. Tell me why Celeste is so sure that Jason Wolcott's out to ruin her.

Tracy Penn used to be exclusive with Wolcott.

He found her, signed her when she was 13.

One could say he made her what she is today.

one could say that you're just a little bit cynical.

Me? Yeah, I just work here.

Tracy wanted her own label.

Jason refused.

He wanted to keep her modeling his designs only.

Celeste got wind of it somehow and finagled Tracy into changing sides.

Now, Celeste was never real proud of herself for doing that, but, um,

is business, you know?

And your minute's up.

All right, sweetheart, that's lovely.

Okay, now tilt your head just a little more to the front. A little bit forward

with your head. Okay, great.

Beautiful.

Okay, a little to the side, please.

Now stay with me, please. Stay with me here.

Chin up.

A little bit forward with your head. Great.

Beautiful.

Love.

Yeah, it's beautiful.

Chin down just a little.

Vivian says that Tracy could concentrate better if you weren't here.

Okay, shake your hair. Oh, really?

Well, why don't you tell Vivian that I'm working?

Unless someone wants to fire me or throw me out.

Didn't you used to be a Mr. Universe or something?

I mean, I'm talking about a long time ago.

Maybe I'm mistaken.

Okay, now just chin down just a little bit.

Okay.

Okay, and chin back just a little bit. Toward me, toward me.

Listen, moisten your lips just a little.

Fine, okay, thank you.

Listen, kiddo, we're going to need a lot more spirit on this, a lot more fire.

Just forget it.

Okay, everybody, we're going to take a break.

What's wrong?

Zombies. She misses Jean -Claude. She doesn't miss Jean -Claude.

What's bothering her is the jerk that you got to replace Jean -Claude.

Perry is the best we could do on such short notice, Vivian. We have to have

those pictures.

If we don't have those pictures to release at the press showing, the

writers will have nothing to use in their articles.

Even I could have found somebody better than that.

Maybe we should try to see if somebody else is available.

I told you, I checked everybody.

It's the height of the season.

Where are you going to find a good photographer who is not working at the

of the season?

There's got to be somebody.

It wouldn't hurt to take another look.

Then get somebody else.

If you think you can.

But you'd better hurry.

Three days to the press showing and counting.

Hello, Andrew.

Hello, Tracy.

I take mine with sugar.

I didn't know models were allowed to have anything sweet.

Well, some things need sugar, and some things are sweet on their very own.

That's true.

Thanks.

It would be very exciting to be a private detective.

Yeah, right over here now.

That's it.

May I speak to you for a moment over here, please?

Great. Yeah, I love it.

Nice.

Beautiful. Hold it there. Yeah, a little more of that. Go. More.

More.

I want you to listen to me. I want you to listen to me very carefully.

This may be just about the most important week in Tracy's life.

Now, Tracy may be 18, but she's still my concern, Mr. Simon.

Totally my concern.

She doesn't need any more distractions right now.

So stay away from her.

Do you hear me?

Stay away.

Not so fast, Mrs. Penn.

I happen to be a professional.

In fact, I happen to be the professional who saved your daughter's career last

night. Now, you correct me if I'm wrong, but it's my understanding.

that if the thieves had gotten away with the Tracy pen collection, it would have

pretty much ruined whatever it is that's at stake for you and Tracy.

Am I right?

And one more little thing.

For your information, the only thing that Tracy wanted from me was coffee.

Coffee and a little casual conversation.

But if she should want something else from me, if she should want me to take

out, or even to take her home, for instance.

I would make that decision regardless of what you might think.

Do you understand?

Mr.

Wolcott?

That'll be all, Antonio. Grazie molto.

Yes, sir. Good night, Mr. Wolcott.

I guess you were outsmarted.

It's only round one, my darling.

Well, you better not miss next time.

I won't.

Here's to our soon -to -be -renewed relationship.

Just make sure you get your hands on the collection before the press showing.

Are you sure that you can talk your mother into signing with me again?

If the collection disappears, what choice will she have?

Celeste will look totally incompetent.

Well, Vivienne could take you to another designer.

Jason, you and Celeste are the best.

Believe me, Mother knows on which side her bread is buttered.

You really hate her, don't you?

Let's just say I'm tired of her telling me what to do.

I mean, she doesn't even ask me. She went to Celeste, arranged the deal, then

told me about it.

I had no say, no say whatsoever.

I was happy with you, Jason.

Really happy.

I resent Mother taking me away from you.

So those are the real clothes, huh?

Yes. That's garbage.

Garbage? If it's garbage, then why are you taking it home?

We like garbage.

Yeah, we're sort of collected, you know.

Collected, huh? Good night.

Good night.

Hey, Marvin.

What? Come here, take a look. What?

Somebody threw away two perfectly good white guys.

You're kidding.

Take a look.

You're not kidding.

Hey, man.

You guys all right?

Well, can I buy him some of that?

Buy? You mean like money?

Oh, yeah.

Hang on a minute. I got it here someplace.

Yeah.

There you go.

Hey, now you're talking.

Here.

All right, what are brothers for?

Hey, why don't the two of you come with us? I heard the government is giving

away some cheese someplace, and we're going to find out where.

Uh, no, I, uh, we'll pass.

Oh. Well, that's cool.

Come on, Hector.

Yeah. Well, they asked us to get out of the truck. Yeah.

And then as near as I can figure, they dropped a truck on us.

Sounds reasonable.

Open them.

Empty them.

Very distressing, Antonio.

Very distressing indeed.

Telephone, Mr. Wolcott.

Who is it?

It's a woman. She didn't say. She said it was important, though.

This is Jason Wolcott speaking.

Darling, I'm completely taken by surprise.

Meet you?

Now?

Well, why don't you come over here?

Then where?

Good. No, no, no, that's fine.

Yes, I'll come alone.

No, I won't say a word to anyone.

Excellent.

I'm going out.

Leave this here.

We'll have a long discussion about it when I get back.

I knew this wouldn't work. We've lost the signal.

Well, you gotta be patient with this stuff.

Just gotta know how to handle electronic equipment.

We're getting close. Get over in the right lane.

Looks like we're heading for the high -rent district.

Now, entering Woolcott country.

Please, God, don't let there be dogs.

There are always dogs.

Why don't I tell you? Never mind a guard dog. Didn't like beef jerky.

Wonderful. What do we give him on the way out?

Ladies and gentlemen, the Tracy Penn Fall Collection.

Would you look at this?

A place like this ought to have a phone somewhere.

Looks like Celeste Dunn was right.

We found these fabrics, which we can prove came from Celeste's shop, and this

bug, which we can prove is ours.

This is ridiculous, Lieutenant.

These two broke in here, planted all of this to make Mr. Wolcott look guilty.

I've never seen any of this stuff before.

A man to talk to is Wolcott, not his hired help. I am more than Mr.

Wolcott's hired help.

Oh, yeah?

Does that mean you do all his dirty work for him?

Maybe you're the one who put the scratch -and -sniff film in John Claude's

camera.

All right, hey, hold it, hold it! That's enough!

All right, now.

We're gonna find Jason Wolcott.

He's dead.

Dead.

You're getting very good at this, my darling.

Of course I hated him.

Wolcott was a slug.

A pimple on the face of humanity.

Without destroying me.

I'm glad he's dead.

But I didn't kill him.

If I were you, I'd forget about the slug and the pimple and concentrate on the I

didn't kill him part.

Police think they have a case against you, Celeste.

It was your car.

But it was Dolan's.

Celeste, when you declare war on a man, and that man is then creased by your

car,

It was stolen is not a satisfactory explanation.

But that's the truth.

Don't you believe me?

Well, let's just say that it was stolen and I was somewhere else when the murder

happened would be a lot better.

Where were you at, say, 3 .30 a .m.? I was home in bed.

With Gil?

We have separate bedrooms.

And you didn't?

We didn't.

His door was closed when I got home.

And I was exhausted.

I was sound asleep from 12 .30 on.

I didn't wake up until the police came this morning.

Where are you going?

Get you out of here.

I think we managed to put her mind at rest.

How are we going to get her out of there?

We set a trap, and whoever springs, it's our killer.

Look how the other guys bought it.

The photographer has a thing for Tracy. He gets hit with a third -stage

smuggler. Then Woolcott, we figure, had something going with her. Next thing you

know, he's wearing tire tracks.

Little lady's got something contagious.

You had all your shots?

Am I the only bait we've got for this trap?

You know, if this works, we're going to be right in the line of fire.

If this works, you are going to be right in the line of fire.

Vivian.

Excuse me.

Would you be kind enough to tell me where I could find Tracy?

She's in the workroom, and she doesn't want to be disturbed.

I think I'll let her tell me that.

Sugar in it.

Not too much.

Thanks.

My whole life is coming apart in front of me.

It must seem that way sometimes.

I feel so helpless.

All I can do is cry.

Take me out on a date, AJ.

Please.

Make me laugh or something.

Oh, I don't know. You're a little too old for me.

Tonight? Get hamburgers.

Be a cheap date.

Tracy, I would like to see you tonight.

But not a date, exactly.

How disappointing.

There's some questions that I want to ask you.

Some very rough questions.

But if you're up to it, I think you could help us figure out who killed

Wolcott and who killed Jean -Claude.

You don't think it was Celeste?

I know it wasn't Celeste. I have proof of that at home.

Proof that I want you to see.

No, look, don't even ask me, because I won't tell you.

But I do want you to see it.

Well, how can I help?

Are you sure you want to? It's going to be rough.

I'm sure.

Then I'll take you out tonight.

But it won't be hamburgers.

Thank you.

I don't think you're old enough for that.

I'm old enough for anything.

Not quite anything.

I've been trying to figure out why I like you.

I think it's because everybody else wants to use me, even my mother.

But you don't.

You don't want anything from me.

I could go quite that far.

Put it down!

Put it down!

All right, now step away from it.

What was the plan, Gil?

Just wait here in the dark until A .J. and Tracy showed up?

Hide and see if you could see what the evidence was?

That might have been a little bit of a problem.

Because if A .J. had shown it to Tracy, he'd have to kill both of them.

And Mama Penn wouldn't like losing her meal ticket.

Maybe you were going to search the place.

See if you could find the evidence for yourself.

Or maybe you figured out A .J. was bluffing, huh?

Ah, come on. What was it?

So, you ready for some rough questions?

No. Go ahead.

Were you having an affair with Jean -Claude?

What if I was?

Jason Wolcott?

Hey, Tracy.

I'm not passing judgment on you.

You've had no childhood at all. You went straight from 13 to 35.

And you missed a lot of good years in between.

And I suspect you're lonely.

But listen to me. I am not trying to pry into your sex life.

It's just that the two men who came between you and your mother are both

I'll tell you what.

Let's just call the lieutenant, ask him to come over here, and you can explain

why you broke into my brother's house.

That's far enough, right there.

Now, you're gambling that I won't shoot you in cold blood, right?

Think again, Turkey.

I don't believe this.

I got real bullets in here and you keep coming.

Now.

Now.

Come on, then.

I'll lock my appetite.

Well, let's go to your place and you can show me the evidence.

Gracie, there isn't any evidence.

That was just a bluff for your mother's sake. A trap, if you will.

By now, that trap should be sprung.

Huh?

You're home early.

What's wrong?

What are you two doing here?

Tracy?

What's going on?

Evening, ma 'am.

Gilbert Dunn has given us quite a remarkable statement.

We'd like to have one from you.

Downtown.

Mother.

Are you sure you don't want to come with us?

Look, Rick, Tracy and I are just going to get a platonic pizza and see a flick.

I'm serious.

Hey, I wouldn't ask you if I didn't want you.

Oh, I'm, you know, feeling kind of achy and tired. I think I've come down with a

cold. You guys go ahead.

Okay.

You take care of yourself.

Uh -huh.

Drink plenty of orange juice.

Okay. Bye -bye. Bye.

Hi, it's me. I forgot.

What's going on?

I thought you were coming down with a cold.

I am. I am. But I don't think it's going to be too bad because I'm doing

everything you said. See, I'm taking vitamin C and drinking a lot of fluids.

Don't answer that. There's no need to. It's just an old buddy of mine.

Hi,

buddy.

Huh?

Yeah.