Original subtitles

Tonight on Simon and Simon. You're not taking him away from me, Rick. I'm going

to marry him.

When we do recover your money, our cut of it is 50%. Agreed?

Shake on it. Rick!

Oh, I'm starting to get mad.

You can't offer us protection in this town. Oh, that money's still down there

somewhere and nobody knows where.

Hit your lights. Blind him.

Here you go.

Enjoy your lunch.

Come on, move it.

Hey, guys, it was pretty good, but you weren't smiling. You want to try another

one?

Get the camera.

Come on, we gotta catch them.

Why? What for? We got the pictures.

No, we don't. They got the camera. What?

All right, wait.

Hi.

Good morning.

There you go.

Enjoy your lunch. Thank you.

All right, that's it. Hang on.

Oh!

AJ?

Easy now. Okay, got him? Okay, take care. Come on, let's go. Sit down.

Sit down. Take it easy. Take it easy. Do it slow. Slow.

Come on.

And then they drove off in a brand new car that doesn't even belong to me. I'm

genuinely sorry for the inconvenience.

Inconvenience? The two men who took your car are private detectives working for

the restaurant.

The chief had a serious problem with employee theft. Although I'm happy to

it looks as if they're the men behind it.

And about the damage... Do you have...

Of course, Mr. Gershenson. No, not Mr. Senator.

That's our responsibility.

Your lunch is at the house.

Senator, in California, as a guest of the governor.

Sir, Senator, we are... I want your names, both of you. Absolutely,

and...

Listen, if there's anything we can do to make it up to you... We know exactly

how you feel about this. If there had been any other way... Also, I know a guy

who's got a great body shop. He can take care of that no problem.

A .J. Simon?

Yes, sir. Richard Simon?

Yes, sir. I'm A .J. Rick.

That's who you are? Yes, sir.

You are going to be awfully sorry that this ever happened.

I'll have my lunch now. Yes, sir. Sir, we really are sorry.

Oh, no.

No, I mean genuinely, truly sorry.

I'm going to see to it that neither of you ever works in this state again.

I think you're overreacting just a little bit.

Gershenson. What?

Gershenson.

Oh, no, that couldn't be the same guy.

He'll come down after he's eaten. Low blood sugar.

Good work. There'll be a bonus. And thank you very much.

Yes? Mr. Andrew Jackson Simon?

Yes. I'm from the Department of Licenses and Services.

We regulate private investigators in this state.

Revoke your licenses.

That's a hot one.

Myron, this is serious.

Well, I guess it is.

You two are wanted fugitives from the state of Florida. Oh, come on, Myron.

know we didn't break any laws down there. We're no big ones anyway.

Now, look, all you have to do is go in there, tell them I worked for you at

Peelers Protectors before I got my license, tell them I did a good job,

them, just, you know, be a character witness.

A good job? Yeah. You?

Yeah. I trained you.

I know. Then what'd you do to me?

You went into business against me. Myron. Drove me into early retirement.

You broke my daughter's heart.

Myron, please.

Don't worry.

I won't tell him the truth.

Thank you. Hey, come on. What are you worried about?

This is just Gershenson trying to get even for the car.

All we got to do is explain what happened in Florida. Well,

well, well, looky here.

Haven't seen you two boys in a long time.

but I think we might be in trouble.

Senator Gerstenson, the state of California would like to thank you for

these very serious allegations to our attention.

And to thank you, Sheriff, for making the long trip from Florida to assist.

Well, now that's my pleasure, Mr. Middle.

Now then.

The state of California requires a two -year apprenticeship before granting a

private investigator's license.

Myron Fowler?

Here. Did Andrew Simon serve that apprenticeship under you as chief

for the Miami office of peerless detectives?

Yeah, right.

And did Richard Simon also serve under you?

No.

Why was that, Mr. Fowler? Because I wouldn't have.

Oh, listen, you can understand, Rick.

You see, back in those days, he was just out of the service.

He was kind of wild, you know.

He lived on a key, south of Miami.

Pirate's Key.

A .J. had been working for me about a year at that time.

And he suggested I give his brother a job.

But I could see right away that Rick Simon was just not the kind of guy who

going to cope with schedules. You know, nine to five, things like that.

It was 6 .15 in the morning.

Somewhere out beyond Miami, he knew there was a Marlin with his name on it.

.15. Are you kidding?

So he got on the telephone and he called his brother.

His brother said no.

Let's go get us a big one, old buddy, he said.

It was his brother who had the boat seat.

No. I've got to go to work.

Let's go out on Saturday, okay?

His brother said.

He shook his head.

He had a charter on Saturday.

One of those rich ladies from Lauderdale.

Her husband got her interested in fishing, but somehow he never got

along.

That's your wish.

Forget it. Come on, AJ, play hooky with me.

Rick, will you grow up?

I gotta work. If I don't work, I don't get paid.

Is that how that works?

That's how it works.

Over and out.

I've always wondered how that works.

Bye -bye.

Hey, hey.

Morning, Myron.

Yeah, AJ was a good kid back then.

He was always trying hard to do his best.

Well, Rick was all right, too, but in a different way.

You know, Rick had a rep around South Florida, and, well, he got referrals as

kind of a repossession agent.

What do you think, Marlo?

Looks like a girl, doesn't it?

Hey!

Are you Rick Simon?

Not like a girl, too.

I guess they don't turn out to be such a lousy day after all.

I'm sorry I got here so late, but I couldn't find the right driveway. Oh,

no, that's all right.

Was I expecting you?

Uh, no, no, no. What I meant was Spud told me that you got up early and I want

to make sure I got here in time to catch you. Oh, Spud.

Yeah, he told me to talk to you. Maybe you could help me with my problem.

Yeah, some kind of trouble?

Yeah.

Spud said that you got something back for him that he'd lost and that you do

freelance repossession work.

And he also said that you were the only guy he knew that... Actually, crazy was

the word he used. That you were the only guy he knew that was crazy enough to

help me with this kind of problem.

What'd you lose?

$100 ,000?

How'd you lose that much money?

It was my husband's life insurance policy.

He died down in Blackwater Key.

And they told me it was suicide.

I'm sorry.

But Les didn't kill himself.

He wouldn't do that. I know him.

And then the insurance company sent a guy down here and he read the autopsy

report. And he said that that policy don't pay off on suicide for the first

years. And the guy went away real happy.

Save the company a hundred grand.

I tried to tell him that Les wouldn't have left me with nothing like that. He

wouldn't. And all I want's what's mine.

What Les would have wanted me to have if something ever happened to him.

All right, now maybe I can help you, but here's the deal.

My fee is 30 % of whatever it is I recover. I know. You got to pay me with

cashier's check made out to cash. And you can't write me off your income tax.

know. Spud told me everything. I know.

Well, then, step into my dinghy and let's talk.

All right.

Checking out one of the little cameras. I'm going out on a tail job this

morning. Since when are you going out of the office?

Myron, I have been reading microfilm for the past two months, besides which you

gave me the assignment yourself last week, remember?

Yeah. Yeah.

You've been studying a manual at night?

Of course I have. Of course you have.

You know what you're supposed to do? Sure. Sure.

All right.

Remember, you've got a lot of talent, but you're still an apprentice

investigator. Right.

Go buy the book. Okay. Follow the training.

Okay. And don't blow it. I'll try not to. I'm going to need some money out of

petty cash. How much?

Better make it 50.

50? 50.

Okay.

Sign for it. Of course.

And I want receipts.

How do I get a receipt for a bribe?

Good investigators don't bribe.

Go on up, Ronnie.

Take a hand.

You crazy?

Hey, come on. What do you got to lose? Pick a hand.

Well, lucky you.

Room service.

Get out of here.

But I had the champagne you ordered. We didn't order any champagne.

You didn't? Get out of here.

Get out of here. I'm sorry. I'm leaving.

Leaving right away. Bye -bye. Have a nice day.

Hey, wait a minute.

There's no room service in this hotel.

Now you give me that camera. Got it. You got it.

Here you go.

No hard feelings, okay?

No.

It's all right. You know, he does this.

He's harmless, all right?

Six weeks I've been waiting to catch that bimbo in bed with some guy.

Six weeks!

I gotta have pictures to go to court.

I don't go to court, I don't get paid.

Busted up faces don't put food on a table in this racket.

Hoskins, what did he do wrong? Everything, obviously.

For starters, don't bribe the desk clerk so he can't identify you.

Two, never go out the same door you came in.

Three, shut up, Hoskins.

Three, I told you not to blow it.

Three, you shut up!

I spent 15 bucks from the liquor store and 20 on the desk clerk.

Receipts? Not for the 20.

Then it's out of your salary.

Myron. Look, you learn how to do things right and you'll never go wrong.

I was just like you when I started out. But if you go by the book. If you say

that to me one more time, I'm going to take that book and I'm going to feed it

to Hoskins.

There.

There are your pictures. Now go to court and get paid.

He's going to be a good one.

So you see, it was all my fault that A .J. got involved.

And that's because I was always so hard on him.

And I was hard only because I wanted him to get started out right as an

investigator. Do you follow me?

Thank you for coming, Mr. Fowler. That'll be all.

Right.

By the way, you're going to find that this is just a little misunderstanding

here.

These guys are good guys.

They're all right.

I'll see you guys.

Thanks, Mike. Thanks, Mike.

Now then, Andrew Simon, let's move on to the charges of receiving stolen

property. Oh, that's ridiculous. And Senator Gershenson knows it is, too.

You, sir, were in possession of a diamond pendant which had been stolen

wife. Look, Mr. Minow, this is all taken out of context here.

Then why don't you put it in context for us?

All right, I will.

I had a hard day at work.

My brother had suggested I go fishing with him, so I decided to take him up on

it. I called his house. There was no answer.

So I drove down to Pirate's Key.

What are you doing in my house?

I changed my mind.

Let's go fishing.

I can't. I'm working.

I'm a kid brother.

We used to work together.

What happened?

The right girl found him. He went straight.

AJ, this is Kitty.

Kitty, AJ.

How do you do?

Fine.

Bring Janet with you?

You're looking mighty guilty up there.

I bet she doesn't even know where you are.

Will you go please sit on something sharp?

Is that your client?

Yes, sir.

Spud was so happy with the job we did for him, he sent me a referral.

Sent you a referral?

Yeah. You nearly got killed on that job. If I hadn't been there, you would have.

Well, maybe you should have played hooky with me this morning, shouldn't you?

What's the job?

It's insurance money.

Suicide, but it wasn't a suicide.

At least Kitty doesn't think so.

What's that cut?

30 grand.

But it's my stuff.

Hey!

What's the number of the highway patrol?

Look it up.

Well, who did I ask for to get an accident report?

Good question.

A .J., will you come up here and call a highway patrol for me and ask for an

accident report for the 5th of June?

You can tell them it's for peerless detectives.

Rick, I can't do that. That wouldn't be ethical.

It's not my case.

A .J., get your butt up here!

Of course, I'd like to help.

Maybe if you told me what the problem was.

Right now, you're the problem.

You see, he doesn't understand about professional ethics.

All real investigators... All right, if you want in, you're in. You got two for

the price of one. Would you shut up and make the call?

Well, what call am I supposed to make?

What was the accident?

Well, it happened on the night before my husband died.

We were on the highway on our way back to Blackwater Key from Miami.

Highway 1, right?

Yeah, and then... I wish I remembered more of the

details.

It was late.

I was groggy.

I had fallen asleep in the car.

The radio woke me up.

It's a bad one. It just happened.

I'm going to stop for it. It was a police radio.

Beth had one in the car and another one at home.

And he kept them on all the time.

It was kind of his job, you see. He worked for a lawyer, and whenever there

an accident where somebody was hurt, Les would go out to it.

He knew all the highway patrolmen, and they were real friendly with him.

One of them even came over to talk to me about something that night.

I can't remember what he said, though.

Just remember that Les leaning down inside that car that was all smashed up

tree, talking to the man inside it.

See, he was supposed to tell people how if they went to the lawyer he worked

for, he could get more insurance money.

Only this time I could tell from the way he looked, the man had died right there

while Les was talking to him.

He must have been trying to help make him more comfortable or something

he wiped his hands on his pants and then he wiped them on the ground like he got

blood on them and wanted to get it off.

He came back to the car. He didn't say anything.

I guess he was upset.

The way the man looked and all.

I can still see him lying there dead.

It was awful.

I wish I hadn't looked.

He didn't sleep too good that night. He was up and all around the house.

And then the next morning he got up and he went to Miami early.

He said the man that had died was Cuban.

And he was talking in Spanish about...

His wife, Soles, wanted to go down there and see her and tell her that she was

on his mind when he died.

And I thought that was a real nice thing to do.

So he went away and never came back.

How did he die?

They found him in a swamp in his car, dead of an overdose of alcohol and

sleeping pills.

They said he drank almost a whole bottle of whiskey and took a whole

prescription of pills, fell asleep, and his heart stopped.

And then I was packing some of the stuff away.

One week later, and I found this.

It was hidden.

Is it real?

I took it to the jeweler in Blackwater Key. He said it was an antique.

Gave me the name of an appraiser in Miami.

It's worth $40 ,000.

I guess I could have sold it and not told anybody and just kept the money.

wouldn't be right.

And I know that's not Lester's diamond. It's not his.

And all I want is what's coming to me, what Lester would want me to have.

Yes, hi.

This is Simon, Peerless Detective.

And that was the first time I ever saw the necklace, which had obviously been

stolen. Nothing is obvious, Senator, until you know the whole story.

Which is exactly what we set out to do.

Try and figure out where the diamond came from.

So my brother and I drove to North Miami to try and talk to this woman, the

woman whose husband had died in the accident.

How do you say damn it, Castro, in Spanish?

Beats me. Maybe better lock the car.

Yeah, how much is that hubcap going to put me back?

Good one.

20 bucks, I'll probably sell you those back for 25.

Oh, thank you. Excuse me.

We're looking for Mrs. Sueños, Mrs. Armando Sueños.

You with the police? We don't know nothing. Oh, no, ma 'am. We're not from

cops. We're private investigators.

Sure of your ID?

Hey. What?

Sure of your ID?

Oh, sorry.

Hi. Right there.

May I?

Thank you.

We were just wondering if maybe we could talk to you for a few minutes about

your husband.

He's dead.

Yes, ma 'am, I know, but if we could just ask you a few questions about him.

What kind of questions?

Well, what did he do for a living, for instance?

Nothing.

You were killed in an accident down in the Keys.

The next day a man came to see you, Lester Kramer?

Oh, yeah, that's right.

He was asking questions like you are.

Who Armando did business with, who his friends were.

He said that Armando talked about me before he died.

He left me a card, someone to call in case I needed some money, some lawyer.

Do you still have that by any chance?

Yeah, I do. Here, thank you.

Oh, here.

Thank you.

I never called.

Mando's friends came over. They told me not to. They said they would take care

of me.

Of course, they never did.

They never even came by again.

They're real bad people, Mando's friends. Thieves.

Do you...

Do you remember any of their names?

Jose, Chuy, Hector, Fernando.

I don't know. I never knew their last names and I didn't care. I didn't want

them in my house.

Um, was Armando ever in any kind of a... He was a thief, too.

What kind of a thief?

Oh, I don't know, mister. I never wanted to know.

He was, uh...

for two weeks before he died.

He was out in Blackwater Key on a job, he said.

He called me.

I told him I needed money.

He said, we'll have plenty of it in a couple of days.

You know what I got?

A note.

And he said, este pa ti, mi Rosalita.

But there was nothing in it, just a note.

What does that mean?

This one's for you.

You want to know the truth.

I'm glad he's dead.

David Stalin.

Attorney at law.

This one's for you. Why would a man write a note like that to his wife?

Well, maybe he was going to give her something.

Like a diamond necklace?

Yeah, what you got down in Blackwater Key and not at any jewelry store.

What do you bet there was robbery down there around the 5th of June?

Nah, I doubt it. If there'd been robbery that big down there... Nah, there had

to be a robbery.

Come on, what do you say? Let's put five bucks down.

Hey, see the kid on the motorcycle?

Does he look familiar to you?

What are you, paranoid? You think the entire Cuban population of North Miami

after your hubcaps?

So I called down to Blackwater Key to see if a burglary had taken place.

And? And, as the senator and the sheriff well know, there were no robberies

reported during the months of May or June. None.

Now, there was a reason for that. I think we took every reasonable step to

determine if that necklace was stolen. Wouldn't you agree, Senator?

And if it had been reported, would it have returned it to your wife?

I think that's highly debatable.

Are you calling me a liar?

I have had just about enough of this. So bye, Mr. Simon, for now.

It seems that you've answered the charges of receiving stolen property.

But there are still many other charges against you and your brother.

In light of which, let's recess for lunch.

One hour.

Am I late? No, not yet. Good.

Hi. Hi.

Sure you're going to be able to handle this?

I know.

Dredge up a lot of old memories.

Oh, AJ, they were good memories. Most of them.

Yeah, I can handle it.

I was working as a legal secretary in Miami.

And A .G. and I were engaged.

And I guess you could say I was a little bit jealous of his relationship with

his brother.

Okay.

Nothing at all.

All right.

Thank you.

Well, I should have taken it back.

There were no robberies in Blackwater Key last month. There were no robberies

the county.

Come on. Wait a minute. What are you telling me? That Armando got killed

he did the job?

And then as a corpse, he went out and bought his wife a $40 ,000 diamond out

the house full of money. I never said there was a robbery. You were the one

said there was a robbery.

Well, there had to be a robbery. I mean, how else would Armando get his hands on

that diamond, huh?

And why wouldn't you report a thing like that to the police?

Now, you got to know that whoever owned that diamond is going to want it back

again.

And you got to know that whoever owned that diamond is going to recognize it

when they see it.

Oh, great. What are we going to do? Take it down there and hang it off the local

bulletin board? No. I think I got us a better idea.

No.

Absolutely not. Oh, she'll love it. She will love it. You just leave it to me.

Hi, you gorgeous.

I think she's warming up to me.

Janet! No, wait! Come on!

Wait a minute. Now, wait. Where are you going?

You two are planning to work together again, aren't you? Well, not

Aren't you? Yeah, well, I think I have a right to know, AJ, because the last

time you almost got yourself killed. Now, wait a second. That was not me.

was him. Oh, excuse me. That makes it all right then, doesn't it? Look, I can

see that you two want to fight. Whoa, Rick.

Wait just a minute.

Come here.

You see, you're the cause of this whole thing.

Do you realize that you're the biggest problem in my entire life right now?

I mean, you are an irresponsible, overgrown 10 -year -old and you've never

an honest day's work in your life. You don't even have a social security card.

Would you tell me, please?

Is it really worth risking your life to work with him again?

Wait a second. You tell me something.

Is it really worth risking my sanity simply to be an apprentice investigator

Myron? Go buy the book, Fowler.

I don't see the risk.

Thank you. You're welcome.

I don't mind a fishing trip every now and then. May I?

Oh, I never should have made you get that nine -to -five job. Hey, no, wait a

second. You listen to me. Listen to me. Would you excuse us? You never made me

do a damn thing. I took the damn job because I love you and because I want to

marry you. Okay, fine. Then get rid of Rick and we'll go get married tomorrow.

How's that?

It's my day off.

Okay?

I'll make the calls.

Well, I can't tomorrow. And you have to have a marriage test and a blood test.

That's fine. What about next week then on my day off?

That's a good day.

Look, I don't like it when you go off on these jobs with him.

I know.

Hey. What? Come on.

You'll like this one better.

I don't know why.

Because you're going to come with us.

Wait a minute. What?

Now, listen. It'll be fun, really. We'll have a good time. You can keep an eye

on us. There won't be any danger.

No way.

No way.

There's been a change of plans, Myron.

I'm taking a leave of absence for a couple of weeks.

What the hell is a leave of absence?

It means I'll come to work when I get back, if you still want me.

Now, wait a minute. Wait, wait.

Look, I got a lot of time invested in you.

Now, I know you're mad about the 20 bucks, so I won't take it off your

after all. Now, come to work.

I'll call you in a couple of days.

AJ, listen to reason.

I'm trying to teach you how to be a good investigator.

Now, I know some of it's boring.

All of it's boring, Myron.

I need some time off. You don't get no time off. I want you in this office in

minutes. No can do, Myron. My brother's got my car.

Side switch. I'm two hours out of Miami, and I'm headed south.

Nothing. Ms. Fowler, as an attorney, I'm sure you're aware that private

investigators occasionally bend the law, shall we say.

Do you approve of that practice?

When I hire an investigator, I want results. I'm not concerned with how

achieved. I see.

Thank you, Ms. Fowler. If we have any further questions, we'll be in contact

with you.

You're dismissed.

Mr. Minow, I'm sure the victims of a witch hunt like this are entitled to

counsel, are they not? Witch hunt, Miss Donner?

This board was informed they had not retained an attorney.

They have now.

Then you're saying the only reason you drove to Blackwater Key with the diamond

was to discover if it had been stolen and...

From home?

That's right.

Well, you figure it. The Cuban was a thief. He had been in Blackwater Key for

two weeks before he died.

Obviously, there had been a robbery, and it hadn't been reported to the police.

Why?

I drove down to Blackwater Key. A .J. and Janet took the boat. We figured that

if we split up and nobody knew we were working on the case together, we could

cover that much more ground.

We also figured that if Janet wore the necklace long enough, somebody was bound

to recognize it.

What can I do for you? I just need to tie up for a couple days. We can leave

right here. Charlie, give us a hand here.

Thank you. My pleasure.

Stay, Marlowe.

Thanks.

You think you can handle it? You sure do know how to handle that stick.

That little lady could be a shark.

Uh -huh.

So?

So, um, you two fellas, you live around here?

Well, I wouldn't exactly say that.

Oh. Why, are you staying here at the hotel?

Yeah. What's your game, little lady?

Anything.

What's yours?

Nope.

Okay.

But in your case, maybe we'll make an exception. Maybe it's those two guys

there.

It's not the diamond they're looking at.

Did you feed Marlo?

Not yet.

Will you please make sure you get some brewers? Will you please shut up about

the dog?

Well, Janet got a lot of attention that night, but then again, she usually does,

so I wasn't conclusive.

The next day, though, everybody came around the hotel for Sunday brunch after

church. So we set it up for everybody to get a real good look at that diamond

around her neck.

Start him up, Gus. Will do, Mr. Stacey. Right.

Another Ramos fist, sir?

Please. Yes, sir.

Well, hello there, Gus.

Hi, lovely day, huh? Yes, sir.

I think you got a table for us.

Just what anyone you take a fancy to, sir.

Thank you. Hello, Arnie.

Hi, there, Sam.

Still here, huh?

Yep, still here.

Give me a scotch and soda when you get time, Gus. Sure thing, Mr. Manners.

Yes? Yes, sir.

Who is that fellow over there?

His Honor, Judge Elliot Morris Taylor. He's the man around here.

He owns this hotel, owns that big boat outside, gets about all the dry land and

black water key.

Yeah. Who are all those people with him?

Oh, that's Mr. Stallings, the lawyer. Senator Gershenson's wife.

And that's Mrs. Stallings with him. And that's Judge's wife, Mrs. Taylor, just

getting up from the table.

Go to the ladies' room.

I don't need to go to the ladies' room.

Will you please do me a favor and go to the ladies' room anyway?

And just make sure you go past that table on the way.

Thank you.

All

right,

excuse me. Yes, sir. Could you send over two Bloody Marys for us? Sure. Thank

you.

Now, if you can make a mint chiller.

You tell the judge, if he can drink them, I sure can make them.

It was a real car, didn't it?

the way he's been bothering me. He's not bothering me. Let's take it easy. He

fights all over. Okay. Out of my way. Stop. Take it easy. Stop.

Nice work.

Stranger, just keep it up.

Now you just hold it right there, Charlie.

I wasn't doing nothing, Sheriff.

Then why are you in the pool?

Now, Charlie, if you want to spend another night in jail, that's all right

me.

Or you can just get on up out of there and walk away.

Gus? Yes, sir? You want to give this man here a drink on me?

Will do, Sheriff.

You all right, son?

I'm just glad I was here to help you out.

Well, that's when we knew that the plan had worked. See, we had flushed out the

owner of the necklace. We just didn't know which one of the ladies it was.

Which you could have easily found out by identifying yourself to Judge Taylor

and explaining the situation.

Not the way I work, Senator.

I don't understand why the man attacked you.

Well, neither did I at the time.

See, he had a crush on Kitty.

Maybe he was jealous. I figured either that or somebody at the judge's party

wanted to make a hasty exit and put him up to it as a diversion.

I see.

I think it's time we moved on to the charges of grand theft.

Sheriff, you have the outstanding warrants for the arrest of Richard and

Simon?

I surely do, Mr. Minnow.

Very well.

Please tell the board the circumstances surrounding these warrants.

I'd be right happy to.

going to have to have a name. It's like a team name, like Oilers or Steelers.

Miss Fowler.

Brewers, Brewster. That's it. You sure? Miss Fowler, if you don't mind, we'd

like to proceed.

Mr. Minow, I'm going to have to leave the hearing for a few minutes, but

I do, I'd like to point out that my clients have the right to hear all the

charges against them and to request time to respond to each in turn.

Miss Fowler, this is not a court of law.

If you don't approve of the results of this hearing, you're free to file for an

appeal afterwards.

Is that clear?

Yes, that's perfectly clear.

Don't worry.

Now then, Sheriff, as to the matter of Grand Theft Auto.

Auto, the love of auto. That's ridiculous. Look, you stole that woman's

you know it. I have permission to borrow that car.

That is a perfectly simple explanation for all of this. We borrowed that car.

Actually, A .J. borrowed it.

All right. Look, what happened was Janet had to get back to work.

So she drove my car back to Miami.

Well, now we didn't have to go home. I'm starting to get worried.

There's nothing to worry about.

I simply have a crush on Kitty, that's all. That is not what I'm worried about,

A .J. I'm worried about you two being alone down here. Yeah?

Okay, yeah, I liked it better this time. I could keep an eye on you, at least.

Well, don't worry. It's not a dangerous job.

AJ, do you lie to me because you like it or because you just can't help

yourself? If I ever lied to you, which I never do, it would simply be because

you're so beautiful that just looking at you gets me all confused.

Right. Hey, I want to talk to you.

Privately.

I just want you to know something.

I'm not giving up on him.

What do you mean? I mean you're not taking him away from me, Rick. I'm going

marry him.

I don't want him. What do you think I am, anyhow?

Well, I think you're his brother and his best friend, and I also think that

everyone's got to grow up sooner or later.

Except for you, maybe.

You wanted to marry me, I would grow up.

No, you wouldn't.

You think you're Peter Pan.

You know, he wants to marry you, too.

If anything happens and he gets hurt, I'll kill you.

You take care, lady.

Cut me. Hey, let him go.

Let him go.

Are you two friends or something?

No. I just seem to be around when he's in trouble.

We found the knife.

That Charlie's long gone.

You're going to want to file charges on him.

You people all seem to think that he's cute.

I hate to tell you this, Sheriff, but he was trying to kill me. You're damn

right I want to file charges on him. Attempted murder. Whatever you say.

I'll put out a warrant on him, but I can't guarantee we're going to catch

Stand up, please.

Wait a minute. What are you talking about? You don't think you're going to

him? He lives right here in Blackwater Key. Everybody in this town knows him.

Well, he lives out in the swamps.

Charlie's a little touch in the head, him. Always has been.

But he knows that scrub like his own backyard.

And if he don't want us to catch him, we won't.

Drop your trousers.

Just how much damage did he do to me, Doc?

I'm going to give you a tetanus shot.

If it gives you any more trouble, come back again tomorrow.

Doc, I don't think he's going to be around tomorrow.

Just what did you mean by that?

Sit down, son.

I believe I'll stand.

Look, boy.

Charlie's got it in for you on account of that little cocktail waitress.

I ain't never seen him like this before.

Sooner or later, we're going to catch him. If I was you, I wouldn't hang

town waiting for it to happen.

I mean, he could come after you again.

Excuse me. Sure.

Maybe it's none of my business, but I'm a visitor here, just like this

gentleman.

Now, are you saying that you can't offer us protection in this town?

I'm just telling you what I'd do if Charlie was after me.

You go on and do what you want.

Uh, Doc, I hadn't been sleeping too well around here. I was just wondering if,

uh, maybe you had something around the office here like, uh,

uh, sleeping pills or something like that.

I'm sorry.

I don't think I can help you, Mr. Sutter.

Oh, well, I... Oh, no, that's all right. Never mind.

Yeah, hello. AJ?

No, what's wrong?

Isn't he there?

Janet, what's wrong?

I'm being followed.

Followed? Yes.

Well, where are you?

I'm in Miami.

All right, you listen to me. You drive to a police station and park the car.

I'm at a police station. I'm in a phone booth. Look, I'm scared to go home, AJ.

I don't know what to do. No, don't go home. I want you to go to Rick's house.

Can you see who it is?

Well, not really, but I think he's Cuban.

Cuban. Means he's following the car, not her.

How long will it take us to get to your place? 20 minutes. We have a car, but we

don't. We'll get one.

Kitty! I need the keys to your car. Here's 20 bucks. Take a taxi.

I'll be back later.

What's your name?

What's your name?

Fernando.

Fernando Valicia.

You got a gun?

Yes. Please don't kill me.

I'm not here.

Take him down to the dock and sink him in the water.

What are you always in such a hurry for? I want to talk to him first. Come on,

get up on your feet. No, please don't. I don't know where the money is. You'll

have to kill me. Get over there.

Money.

We think you do know where it is. I don't know where it is. Armando was the

one who knew.

Armando's dead. I know he's dead, but he was supposed to meet us afterwards.

He was the one who hid the money. He was going to tell us where he hid it.

We split up after the job.

And he took everything with him. I don't know where he took it, I swear to you.

I thought you were looking for it when you went to see Armando's wife.

The kid on the motorcycle and you thought I was paranoid?

Well, even paranoids can have enemies.

All right, Fernando, get up. We're not going to kill you. We don't know where

the money is either.

Come on, get up. Get up.

Can I have a glass of water, please?

Okay, okay. It wasn't a boat. It was a big boat down in Blackwater Cay. A lot

rich people there. A lot of money. I've never seen so much money in my life.

Jewelry, watches.

At least a half a million dollars in there.

Half a million dollars on a boat? Now, wait, wait, wait, wait. Whose money was

this?

You don't know?

What's the poker game?

Cash on the table.

Was this part of it?

I don't know. Maybe, yeah. Maybe it belonged to one of the women.

We took it all.

Why didn't you split it up right then and there?

Because it was an inside job. That's why.

You see, we were just hired to do the job.

Armando was the one who got us into it. And then he goes and gets in that

stupid...

I couldn't believe it. All that money's still down there somewhere and nobody

knows where.

You know something, pal?

What? I think you better get into another line of work.

Hey. Yeah.

Tell your friends to forget about the money.

Don't go back there.

Well,

I have to.

For one thing, my boat's down there.

Okay, then go get your boat and come home.

No, just a couple of days. Just a couple of days.

No, I know you two. You think you're going to find the money and keep it.

not a bad idea. No, it's a stupid idea, Rick.

Two people are already dead.

Hey, one of those was an accident.

It wasn't an accident.

There's a killer down there.

What's the matter with you, AJ?

What difference does it make how much money there is if you end up dead?

Please. Would you please get out of it?

No, I can't. Oh, baby, I can't.

Look, for one thing, I've got a client down there. Now, you don't want me to

throw her to the wolves, do you?

Besides,

all that money down there, that's just

buried treasure.

And the guy that finds it, oh, God, he can buy a lot of fur coats for the lady

that he loves.

We live in Florida, AJ.

I don't want a fur coat.

Hey, it's all right. It's all right. You'll see.

Rick will take care of me.

What?

Fine.

Goodbye. Hey, Janet.

No!

I can't live like this anymore, AJ.

I won't go through this again.

I don't want to see you anymore.

Janet!

I'm not there.

Hey, come on.

Come back here. Come on, Janet.

Janet!

Hey, you know, that just means she loves you.

It's obvious they plan to find the missing money and keep it for

That's exactly what we plan to do. What would you have done?

Yeah, I found her.

Look, the money was up for grabs, but that's not the important part. The

important part is that we were trying to get our client's car back to her and

see what we could do about the fact that she was getting ripped off. But I

believe your client terminated your services that evening, did she not?

And then subsequently filed a complaint against you that you'd stolen her car?

Well, she didn't have any choice in either case. I mean, I'm sure she filed

complaint under duress.

She didn't look like no duress to me.

Well, she was.

Look, by the time we got back to Blackwater Key, things were heating up

there. I mean, we didn't realize it at the time, of course, but we were being

followed.

Checkpoint, this is Watchdog 3.

The one you're looking for just went by me.

Roger, 3. I got him. Over.

You go give Kitty her car back.

And cheer up.

Sure, right. Cheer up.

Real friendly dog you got out there.

What the hell are you doing on my boat?

Inventory of contents prior to impound.

My name's David Stallings. I'm the city attorney for Blackwater Key.

This boat belongs to us.

You got a piece of paper that says so?

Mm -hmm.

Now it belongs to me again.

Now that you get off of my boat, how are you going to go swimming?

Sheriff, you're under arrest.

Arrest? For what?

Um, burglary. Auto.

Oh, come on. I borrowed that car.

No, you didn't.

Would you tell him to feed Marlowe?

You tell him yourself.

Hey!

Hey!

Feed the dog!

What have they got you like that for?

That's just for their own protection.

Poison and keeping me up past my bedtime.

Now that's an inconvenience I don't need.

My age.

Fact is, it seems that since you've been down here, caused nothing but trouble,

I'm going to finish this business.

Now, you have something that belongs to a very dear friend of

mine. Give it to me.

They asked me to hold it for them, Judge.

Oh, well, thank you, Earl. Thank you. Yes, yes.

Miss Kitty, I've been talking to Senator Gershens.

And in the light of your honesty and the trouble you all took to return his

wife's property, he wants to give you a reward.

Reward?

$2 ,500.

$2 ,500?

I hope that's satisfactory.

Now, you just put this whole business out of your mind and... You go on home

there, and I don't think anything is going to happen to your two friends.

Of course, that's up to them.

And, uh, Miss Kitty, I intend to open up, personally, a

new investigation on Lester's death.

And if for any reason we believe that there was no suicide, you'll get your

insurance money.

Every penny of it, without having to pay any commission to anybody.

Good night, Miss Kitty.

Good night.

I don't like city boys coming into my county looking to take money.

We're nice people.

We look after our own down here.

Son, am I getting through to you?

Men that shoot animals for the hell of it don't impress me.

Let's take it easy, Vic. Come on.

Your brother's smarter than you are.

Well, I never was very smart.

But I can tell a man with a problem when I see one.

And you got a problem.

We're just lucky you got us here to help you out with it. Now, maybe Kitty told

you that we recover things people have lost.

Things like money.

It's our business.

Son, please.

Don't you try to hustle me.

Oh, now, Judge, don't be so hasty.

Your little poker game got knocked off quite a bundle.

And it just might be that with our help you could get that money back.

Less our commission, of course.

Poker game?

Oh, yeah, yeah. You remember the one on your boat? About three o 'clock in the

morning, four guys came in and just cleaned you out?

We know who they were.

Well, I suggest you tell me.

Oh, no, that wouldn't do any good if I did tell you.

I don't have the money.

No, see, they were hired by somebody that was in the game to do the job.

And I'd just be willing to bet you that that somebody is standing right here in

this room right now.

Five players?

Six.

Senator Gershenson.

Business in Washington. Otherwise, he'd be here.

Anybody else on the boat?

Wives. David.

Gus tended bar. Tommy Luna drove the boat.

What were your stakes?

Son, I can smell a bluff.

Clear across six counties and you're beginning to stink.

Yeah, well, I'm not getting any fonder of you either, but I never let personal

feelings interfere with business. Now, when we do recover your money, our cut

it is 50%. Agreed?

Shake on it.

Your sense of humor is beginning to wear thin.

I've a mind to make life miserable for you just on general principles.

Well, then why don't you just shoot us and hang us up there on the wall?

Hey, Rick, that's no way to talk to a client.

It's strange to stay in a county jail for these boys.

No, what would be the point?

Either they got information we need, or they haven't.

And I'm betting they haven't.

Well, then you're just not as good a poker player as you thought you were,

Judge.

You got a murderer running around here somewhere.

Now, just as soon as you find out who it was that killed Les Kramer, that's when

you're going to find out who set up this job.

Notice that I didn't say you were going to find the money.

Why didn't you say that?

Well, because the only man who knew where that money was hidden was killed

the hit -and -run auto crash.

That money's lost.

Aha.

So you couldn't recover it even if we wanted you to, could you?

Talked yourself into a hole, didn't you?

Earl. Yes, sir.

I want the two boys out of here on the boat in the morning.

And boys, if you're wise, you won't mention this.

We've been playing poker together for a long time.

One of us turned crooked.

We don't want to report it. We want to deal with it ourselves.

Matter of pride, not money.

Who are you trying to kid, Judge? It's a matter of taxes, isn't it?

You couldn't report that robbery.

Because if you did, the IRS would get mighty interested in why none of your

winners ever paid any.

Is that correct, Senator?

The robbery was not reported for tax purposes?

Well, I...

I really couldn't say, Mr. Menno. The decision not to report the robbery was

made without my consultation.

And, of course, I always report winnings at gambling to the IRS.

I'm sure.

Go on.

Ah, so the good sheriff locked us up for the night.

And while we were in jail, somebody sneaked on board my boat.

I hope it wasn't too bad for you fellas last night.

Look this over, sign it, and you get your boat back.

Is it all here?

You boys leaving or are you?

Well, now, I figured we might do a little fishing.

You know any good spots?

Well, it depends on what you want to catch.

Well, where did you take the judge's boat the night of the poker game?

Howdy.

Ain't you got no work to do?

And tour.

Now, Tommy, wait a minute.

What do you say we hire you for a few hours and you run us out there?

I'll give you 50 bucks.

You two are leaving town.

Well, now, it's no harm in us doing a little fishing on the way out, is there?

Don't worry, Sheriff.

You're never going to see us again.

Is there any way I can stop them legal?

And keep Tommy from making money?

Sheriff, it's a free country.

Thought you two was going fishing.

We are fishing.

For what?

What's out there, Tommy?

Mangrove swamp.

Any roads through it?

Trails.

Ain't nothing worth getting to.

All right, now, you're Armando.

Where do you hide the money?

I'd head for shore, I'd hide the boat, dig a hole, bury the money, and then I'd

just walk right on out of there. I'd get in my car and I'd drive away. If I was

stopped, I'd be clean as a whistle.

Anytime you feel like coming back, come back and get your money.

Well, let's go take a look. Maybe we'll get lucky.

What happened to it?

What happened to it? What do you think happened to it? It blew up.

Somebody put a bomb on it.

Now, take it easy, boy. Who'd want to put a bomb on your boat?

Well, I can think of at least half a dozen people, for starters.

Keep your ears down.

As far as you look.

That somebody put on board my boat last night when you had us

in the slammer. Shut your mouth.

I've seen boats worse than that after a gasoline fire.

By the way, how come you two boys weren't on that boat? Judge. What?

Are you acting? I'm actually disappointed that only one man got

What the hell are you doing over here? I'm going to rent you a car.

Hello, Your Honor.

Hello.

Get the hell away from these people.

Boys, don't you expect any insurance money on your boat?

Keep your mouth shut about any bomb.

I don't want any state police or federal agents snooping around down here.

Is that the only thing you care about, keeping your lousy poker game a secret?

That and getting my money back, yes. You know, boys, I have a file on you in my

office charging you with possession of stolen goods, extortion, obstruction of

justice, assault and battery, insurance fraud, suspicion of burglary, suspicion

of murder, and Lord knows what else.

They're getting.

Let's go.

Ah, this is ridiculous, Mr. Menno.

They're trying to tell you that all of the charges against them in Blackwater

Key were fabricated by Judge Morris Taylor, a man who happens to be a

friend of mine and a pillar of his community.

It appears you're right, Senator.

There was half a million dollars lying around in that swamp somewhere, and the

last... thing the judge wanted was for us to find it before he did.

There's a problem with your logic, Mr. Simon. You had no idea where to look for

the money.

Well, that's true.

But, see, we knew that there was an inside man who did know where to look

the money, so all we had to do, see, was just flush him out.

Too bad about Tommy.

Pelican Wrens.

Been a pleasure.

Why don't you take a look in the mirror and check out this car that's up behind

us.

You ever seen it before?

Yeah, it was in the hotel parking lot.

Yeah, that's what I mean.

I think it's following us.

You're getting paranoid again.

Pull in up there.

Why?

Oh, I'm starting to get mad.

We've been shoved around and threatened and run out of town and damn near

killed. I lost my client. You lost your boat. My girl. And the money. And we had

as much right to that as any of those vultures.

Excuse me. Hi there. We want to trade this thing in for something with some

guts.

This is crazy. We're going to die of old age on that swamp. Do you remember the

other night when Janet was talking? She said she never wanted to see you again.

Oh, thank you, Rick. Now I can die happy. No, she said something about that

Armando's death wasn't an accident. Well, what if it wasn't?

What if the inside man on this thing is too greedy?

He didn't want to share it with Armando. He didn't want to share it with Les

Kramer. No, no, it doesn't make any sense.

How come?

Because the inside man was on board the boat. Now, there's no way in the world

that he could have killed Armando.

Unless it was a third man. That's right, a third man. Somebody who was supposed

to meet Armando and take him to some predesignated hiding place out here in

swamp. Well, he did that, but then he followed him out again.

That money's not lost. They know exactly where it is, and they're going to take

us to it. Who?

Who's going to take us to it? We still don't know who the inside man was. We

lose your head for something besides a hat rack. We don't have to know who the

inside man was. We know somebody who knows who the inside man was. Well, we

do we? Who?

Les Kramer died of an overdose of alcohol and sleeping pills, right?

Where do you get alcohol?

Liquor store. Where do you get sleeping pills?

Oh, hi.

Uh, Doc, I was wondering if you could take a look at this arm of mine.

I'm sorry, I have guests.

Oh, well, it is beginning to bother me, and you told me that I ought to come by

and see you. If it troubled me, I really hate to put you out, but you're the

only doctor in town.

Come in.

I'm surprised it's bothering you, Mr. Simon. I could redress it, but if it's

really serious... Well, I'll tell you the truth, Doc.

Something else altogether has been bothering me.

I really don't have time for something else.

It's about Les Kramer and the barbiturate you injected into his

was dead.

Get out of my house.

Immediately.

I'm calling the sheriff.

Now, why don't we talk first?

You're threatening me.

are already in a lot of trouble.

Well, gee, so are you, Doc. I mean, Les Kramer didn't kill himself and your

autopsy said he did.

The autopsy was performed by the county medical examiner.

Really?

Well, how did you get the barbiturates into it?

I don't have to stand for this. I don't think that gun of yours means anything.

Not here.

Witnesses in the backyard.

How much was your share of the money going to be? I hope it was a lot because

your flat gun needed.

I'm walking out of this room.

We know where the money is, and we're gonna get it, but that's not good

We're gonna get you, and we're gonna get your partner.

Ridiculous.

But he'd never leave.

We knew the general area in the swamp where the money had to be hidden. The

problem was we had to get out there and find a place to hide and wait. And then

when the inside man showed up, we'd just let him lead us to the money.

Of course, with A .J. driving, it didn't quite work out that way.

That's just a little mud puddle. It can't be all that deep. Get in.

Come on, get in.

All right.

Great driving.

Don't get your gun wet.

Stay in there, Marlowe.

Just get in.

We're using all of us getting wet.

Could you get the windshield for me?

I don't know what Janet's doing right now.

I'm worried.

Look, just trust me. She'll be there when we get back.

Takes a minute, but she said... She didn't want a fur coat.

A woman hadn't been born doesn't need a fur coat.

Where are you supposed to wear it?

At home with the air conditioning turned all the way up.

All right.

Okay, try it one more time.

Shut it off.

Somebody's coming. Let's get out of here.

Take it easy and don't get too close.

Get the shovel, Charlene. Come with me.

I live here. He's got food in there and a case of rifle shells and a detonator.

You say he was in a jeep? Not from here.

That nice guy didn't even help.

Got to be our money.

Stay down. I'm drawing fire.

A .K., pull up. Let me check this guy.

Help me!

Go,

go, go, go!

Don't let him get back to the beach. You want to drive?

Look, there's a cake of rifle shells in that shack!

your life. Blind him.

Get out of the Jeep, put your hands on the...

insurance agent again and he said it might take a month or two to get the

process and the check written and that's if dr percy pleads guilty in court

which he won't i might have to wait until the trial's over and they find him

guilty if they do i might not ever get this money you'll see it i'll send you

the check when i do i promise i believe i guess i'll see you later

Have a beer.

How you doing, Earl?

Make yourself at home.

You two boys ever set foot in my county again.

I will personally assure you a stay in the county jail, a trial by a jury of

your peers, and a long stretch in the state penitentiary.

Woo!

Uh, I don't suppose we'd have to break a law?

or anything like that?

Absolutely not.

No, no, we will provide all the particulars. You boys don't know me.

I'm a vengeful man, and you cost me a great deal of money, and I don't intend

forget it.

Shut up! Oh, no, Earl, don't trouble yourself.

We can find our own way out of town by now.

Judge, I just want you to know that... Seeing you come out on the short end of

the stick has made it all worthwhile.

What are

you

doing?

said you were stranded.

Yeah?

Yeah. You gonna let us in or what? Where is it?

Where's what?

Where's my fur coat?

Janet, you do not need a fur coat in Florida.

Janet! Well, are you going back to work?

Hey, Jay!

All right!

All right, I'll go back to work for Peerless Detectives!

What about him?

Just fishing trips, okay?

Okay. No, you're lying to me again.

Am I lying to her? No, absolutely not. Just fishing trips.

All right.

See? Okay, are you going to run all the way to Miami?

It wasn't long after that

Myron was transferred to the Peerless Detective's office in San Diego.

And a few months later, he called and offered me a job, and I decided to move

back to California.

Janet and I eventually decided that marriage was not in the cards for us.

And then when I got my private investigator's license in California,

back also, and we went into business together.

And I don't think you'll find any criminal charges against us in the state

California.

While I was gone from the hearing, Mr. Minow, I made contact with Special Agent

Brewster from the Internal Revenue Service in Washington.

He gave me a statement over the telephone, which I've transcribed for

I think you'll see he corroborates everything my clients have said.

It's the finding of the board that the allegations against you on the books of

the county of Blackwater Key, state of Florida, are without merit in

Senator, the board has considered the matter of the damages to the car you

driving here in San Diego, and it's our finding that Richard and Andrew Simon

acted improperly in commandeering the vehicle for a high -speed chase and

consequently damaging it. The board has elected to impose a fine on the firm of

Simon and Simon Investigations in the amount of $100,

which... In light of the inconvenience they've suffered as a result of this

hearing, the board feels is adequate.

Have a nice flight, Sheriff.

Congratulations.

You're back in business. Thank you very much.

Ugh.