All language subtitles for Simon & Simon s01e08 Ashes to Ashes, and None Too Soon

Good afternoon, County Morgue.

County Morgue.

Excuse

me.

We're supposed to deliver this to Dr.
Medlow.

Through them.

You're new here?

Yeah, I just transferred from Overt
County.

I like it better here. You know, it's
quieter.

Yeah, the patient's done told back.

Right.

Inflammation of the... I don't have time
to just stack that up.

But, uh... Don't argue with me. Just
wheel that thing into the freezer.

It's first come, first served.

Uh, Doc, I can't do that.

I think I'll just report you for
insubordination.

What's your name? Rick Simon. What's
yours? You don't know who I am?

No. How about you tell me? I just happen
to be the deputy coroner. That's who.

Well, I knew that, but what's your name?

Son, you're never going to forget my
name.

Because I'm the man who's going to have
you fired.

Just so you don't forget, it's Dr.
Robert Medlow.

Dr. Robert P. Medlow?

That's right.

Robert P. Medlow, you've been served.

I thought you'd never get here.

The planes were stacked up.

I wish I could have met you at the
airport.

Nah, too risky. We can't make them
suspicious.

I just hope I can go through with it.

You'll be fine, really.

Can't you just stay till it's over? No,
I've got to go to L .A. to set up the

other end.

Hey, here's the picture.

Now all we need is some hungry private
detective to serve the papers. I've got

two names.

I checked out their credit. It's
practically non -existent. Perfect.

What are the names?

Simpson. Sampson.

Simon and Simon.

We got another one.

I don't want another one.

I don't like serving papers on people.

How come you're not driving?

It was your turn to drive.

I don't have any gas.

Well, why don't you get some gas?

Because I don't have any money to get
any gas.

That's why we're serving papers on
people.

These are the papers.

I'll show you a picture of Tony.

A divorce hearing?

Yes. He left a couple of months ago for
some young girl.

It must be crazy.

Thank you.

That was a few years ago.

Do you have an address on him?

No, but yesterday I saw him go into the
Hotel Montreux. Maybe he's staying

there. Did you follow him inside?

No. Oh, well, how do you know he didn't
just go to the restaurant or the bar or

something? Well, I saw him go into an
elevator, and then when I inquired at

desk, they said he wasn't registered
there.

I thought you said you didn't go in.

Well, I did go in.

I just...

Thought that... Well, you know, that you
meant that I went up to his room.

How much do you charge?

Well, this is really more like a missing
person case than a simple profit

serving, so we'd have to charge our
investigative rate.

Fine, fine.

That's $300 a day.

Right.

I seem to have misplaced my checkbook.

Um... Do you accept cash? Oh, yes.

Cash money.

Cash money.

I'm sorry, sir.

We can't give out that kind of
information about our guests.

A second here.

I don't think you quite understand.

This is a bribe. Oh.

Oh, I understand, sir.

I don't take bribes.

I'm a management trainee.

I thought my friend might have bought
something here and signed for it.

What's his name? Well, that's the
problem, you see. I don't think he was

his name, if you know what I mean.

No, I've never heard of such a thing.

Um, here's his picture.

I can take your money.

Just a minute.

Five to one, she comes back with his
room number and her phone number.

He did buy something here.

He's using the name Michael Dennison.
He's in room 1101.

Terrific. Thank you very much. You're
welcome.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

How much is this?

Uh, that's $182 .50.

Oh.

Excuse me.

Do you rent?

Yes, what is it? Room service.

I didn't order any room service.

Uh, compliment for the hotel, Mr. Roth.

Well, what is all this?

Mr. Anthony Ross, you are the recipient
of this lovely fruit basket and this

lovely subpoena. What are you talking
about? I'm not Anthony Ross.

My name is Michael Dennison. Here you
go.

If it's not you.

Yes, it's me, but... In that case, Mr.
Anthony Ross, you have been officially

served. No, really, I am Michael
Dennison. Yeah, right.

You're making a mistake. All right,
fine. Thank you.

Thank you very much. Oh, you're welcome.

I'll be seeing you.

Bye. Bye -bye.

There was something about the expression
on that guy's face. Did you notice

that?

I guess not. Just drop me off at the
power line and I'll gas it up.

Anybody know who he is or was?

Yeah.

His name is Ross, Anthony Ross. We just
left him upstairs.

That is it. No more subpoenas.

No more divorces. No more repos. I don't
care if we starve.

I don't care what we do for a living.
I'm not thrilled about this either,

I don't want to do this anymore. But I
don't want to starve. Would you please

stop? No, wait a minute. Look at this.
Look at this. We made the big time,

didn't we? Private detectives Richard
and Andrew Simon identified the jumper

Anthony Ross, although he was registered
at the hotel under the alias Michael

Dennison. Look at that front page. We
made it. Rick.

Rick. What?

Don't blame yourself.

Richard and Andrew Simon?

I'm AJ. He's Rick. This is Janet Fowler.
Who are you? I'm Laura Stubbins, and I

demand an explanation.

Of what?

Of why you identified my husband as
Anthony Roth.

And now you act like you don't know what
I'm talking about.

Ma 'am, maybe that's because we don't
know what you're talking about.

My husband.

Actually, my ex.

Called me from Hong Kong and wanted me
to fly him from Des Moines where I live

and meet him in San Diego at the
Montreux for reconciliation Well at

said no and then I thought about it and
I decided to fly in for old times sake

and when I

Mrs. Steubens, what do you say? You
think that the man who died is your

Is it him?

That's a yes.

Mrs. Steubens, what was Mr. Steubens'
first name?

His name isn't Steubens.

That's my maiden name.

I went back to it after we separated.

My husband's named Michael Denison.

Children traveling alone under the age
of nine may need assistance.

Please come to the gate with the left
check -in area.

Gerald DePago, please pick up the white
courtesy telephone.

Gerald DePago, please pick up the white
courtesy telephone.

Will the owner of a red Ferrari parked
outside the terminal please move in

to... Yes, indeed. Mr. Ross is here.

May we see him?

You may come to the memorial service
this evening at seven, but I'm afraid it

will be impossible to view the body.

Why?

Because at this very moment, it's being
cremated.

If you'd like to pay a condolence call
on the widow, she'll be here for the

memorial service at seven.

I can't wait till seven.

Hi, AJ.

Hi.

What's the matter?

Well, it's not me, really. It's Rick.

It's this Roth -Denison thing. It's
really got him down.

Well, didn't Miss Dubins identify the
body one way or the other?

No, we were too late.

It already cremated him. There was no
way to tell.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

There might be a way to tell.

How?

Well, the coroner took fingerprints off
the body. Now, if I called the FBI, they

might have print IDs on Ross and Dennis,
and I could see which set of prints

matched. Good. Why don't you do that?

Because the FBI doesn't like me.

What? They don't like me. Well, it's not
me, really. It's Rick. They sort of

don't like Rick.

I don't know why.

I know why.

Because in 1976, he handcuffed himself
to the front door of the Veterans

Administration. That's why.

Um, well...

I'll tell you what. How about if I call
the FBI for you? What?

Daddy Rick's really down about this.

Send them some flowers.

No sign of Mrs. Ross.

Did you really expect her?

I was hoping.

Is that the... Yeah, I think so.

Mr. Lassenby. Good evening, and my
condolences.

Is it Mr. Lassenby or Reverend Lassenby?

Yes. I graduated from Saving Grace Bible
College, correspondence division.

Their slogan is, God is as close as your
mailbox.

I'd better begin.

We are gathered here to remember friend,
husband, and good citizen...

Anthony Ross.

I wish you wouldn't call him that.

Anthony was a businessman, prominent in
the import and export field.

A born leader. Michael was a born
follower. An expert skier and mountain

climber. Michael was a... He loved the
outdoors.

Michael loved air conditioning.

Anthony was taken from us in his prime.

A mere 41.

Michael was 33.

Deprived of his three score and ten by a
grievous accident.

The Lord acts sometimes in mysterious
ways indeed.

It wasn't the Lord.

And now if you'll turn to page 107 in
your prayer books and rise.

We commend to Almighty God our brother.

And we commit his body to the crypt.

Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to
dust.

The Lord bless him and keep him.

The Lord make his face to shine upon him
and be gracious unto him.

The Lord lift up his countenance upon
him and give him peace.

Amen. Amen. Amen.

Who is that?

I don't know.

Excuse me.

Let's assume that Laura's right and it
was her husband who was killed and he

pushed, okay?

Now, let's then assume that you're
Anthony Ross and you want somebody, Mr.

X, we'll call him to think that you're
dead.

What do you do?

Well, first I'd befriend Michael
Dennison. Mm -hmm.

And I'd steal a photograph of him out of
his wallet.

Mm -hmm.

And then I'd get my wife or somebody
posing as my wife. Right.

To hire two dumb detectives. Bingo.

And set them up to misidentify the
corpse as me.

That's right, and the plan would have
gone off without a hitch if Laura hadn't

changed her mind and decided to come to
town and surprise her husband.

Yep.

Go in peace.

I thought Mrs. Ross was going to be
here.

So did I.

Do you know how we can get in touch with
her?

She left her address on Pacific Coast
Highway.

Yeah, we've already been there.

How did she pay?

Cash, I'll bet.

Yes, she'd misplaced her checkbook.

Yeah, she does that a lot.

Is she going to pick up the urn? No,
it'll be interred in the morning.

She bought a niche in our eternal ash
room.

Oh.

Thank you.

You sure you won't come get something to
eat with us? I mean, you haven't eaten

all day.

That's all right.

I really want to be alone.

Okay.

I'll pick you up tomorrow.

Yeah.

Tomorrow you drive.

Shut up!

Now, you can make this easy, or you can
make this hard. It's up to you.

Please don't hurt me.

I just want the stuff, Mrs. Ross.

Oh, wait.

Your husband's dead. You gotta have it.
I'm not Mrs. Ross.

Please, don't play games with me. No,
you don't understand. I'm really not

Ross. I'm Laura Dennison. Honest. Look.

Look at my driver's license.

I'm not falling for any more tricks.

What were you doing at Ross's funeral if
you're not his wife?

Here, look.

Laura Denison, see?

What are you pulling?

It doesn't say Denison. It says she's
open.

Oh, look, I can explain.

You better explain where the stuff is
hidden. You got ten seconds.

Or I'm gonna... Hey!

There's an epidemic.

I want to hire you.

Find out what's going on around here.

And I'll pay you. No, no, we've already
been paid and duped by Mrs. Ross. Now

you save your money.

We're not going to get off this case
until we get even.

I lost him.

He thought she was Mrs. Ross.

Who is he?

Mr. X.

Laura, which one of these two men is
your husband?

This one.

You agree with the FBI? That's Michael
Dennison.

They had a file on him?

Yes, they did, and they had a file on
Laura, too. She was arrested for a

protest in 1969.

It was great. 112 of us spent the night
in jail singing folk songs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, at least she didn't handcuff
herself to anything.

What about the other one?

This one is Anthony Ross.

He had three arrests, grand larceny,
extortion, and smuggling, but no

convictions. Does he have a wife?

You tell me.

Yep, that's her.

What's your real name?

Mrs. Sylvia Ross.

You better call the cops.

I already did.

Calm down.

How do you expect me to calm down? Don't
you understand he knows you're not

dead? Okay, so he knows.

But he doesn't know where I am or where
you are.

And he doesn't know where the diamonds
are either.

Did you put them where I told you?

Yes. Then we go ahead with the plan as
scheduled.

Tony, I am going crazy sitting up here
all alone. Why can't we just go to

City now? Why do we have to wait?

Because I don't know a buyer in Mexico
City.

Now, just sit tight.

I'm trying to get this over with as fast
as I can.

As soon as I make the arrangements, I'll
call.

All right? Tony, I love you.

We can talk the last of the day again.
We can go over and check with Mrs. Ross

for the landlord.

Hi,

Mom.

Don't you two have any respect for the
dead?

Did I say something wrong?

Well, uh, no.

Well, I bought you a new fern. It's time
you buried this, don't you think? Maybe

if you watered your plants once in a
while. Mom, this is Laura. Laura, this

our mom, Cecilia.

Hello, Laura. Nice to meet you.

Hello. Are you two in some kind of
trouble?

No. Why?

Yeah, why?

There's a gorilla outside casing the
joint. That's why.

Yep, that's him. Miss Jax?

What are we going to do?

Ma, can you do us a favor?

Do you want me to go out there and find
him? No, no, no.

If you could just take Laura out the
back way and over to your place for a

little while.

Oh, of course.

Good. Laura, you come to my place for
coffee and we'll talk girl talk.

I'm not sure what girl talk is anymore,
but in my day, when I was young, it was

boys, clothes, and I wonder where the
yellow went.

Still boys, clothes, and whack the
yellow buildup.

Now, wait.

Let's not do anything rash. We're just
going to lead him away.

All right?

Want some ice cream?

No, you want some? Yeah. My treat.

What do you want?

For real? Yeah, ice cream bar.

Whatever you got.

Here you go.

That change for 50?

All I got.

Thanks anyway.

Thank you. I'll get the next one.

Don't tell me.

Okay. Don't tell me. I'm not telling
you. You didn't get gas. I didn't tell

Why didn't you get gas? Because I
forgot, okay? No, it's not okay. We've

the advantage. We're sitting ducks now.

Well, let's stop sitting.

Hey, hey. Hey.

Hey, let us in.

Hey, what's the matter with you guys?
Stop that. There's a man chasing us with

gun. Call a cop.

We are.

You. I'm a police mechanic.

Can't you read? Read what? Hey, come on.
Hey, where are you going? Hey!

Hold it.

Turn around.

Back up away from him.

Hands on top of your head.

Get back.

You okay?

Yeah.

You two are in a whole lot of trouble.

It's funny. It doesn't look to me like
we're the ones in trouble.

Yeah? Yeah.

Just take my wallet out of my jacket.

He moved.

An agent of the U .S. Customs Service.

Hank, we gotta stop meeting like this.

The furniture had gone back to the
rental place.

Car's gone back.

Paid cash for everything.

Including us.

Yeah. Telephone was disconnected.

We tried checking with the phone
company. She only made local phone

Scout's on her.

All right, let me ask you something.

If you're not Rostov's accomplices,
why'd you hit me at the hotel room when

went for my badge? Because I thought you
were going for a gun. Hey, we didn't

know you were a fed.

Okay, okay.

I guess I believe you for now.

Well, good.

Well, then you tell us. What is this all
about?

Rostov, $2 million worth of diamonds in
Hong Kong from a courier delivering them

to the Taiwan government.

Customs picked up his trail in Honolulu
when he brought them back into the

country. I was assigned to follow him to
the buyer, but I lost him in San

Francisco.

And then I followed the lead to San
Diego.

Then I read in the paper where he killed
himself.

The next day it said it wasn't him.

That's what's going on.

You know, we've been puppets during all
this.

And Ross has been pulling the strings.

Just wait till I get my hands on him.

Your mother's really nice.

Yeah, sometimes I wonder why she puts up
with it.

Shh. Yes, sir.

Simon. Right.

Is Glanty here yet?

Are you sure this guy's really a customs
agent?

Well, that's what he's trying to find
out now.

And that is his assignment?

Yes.

Right. Anything he wants, we will.

Okay, thank you.

Well...

Galanti is who he says he is.

He's been a customs agent for 18 years.

His record is impeccable.

Until now.

What do you mean?

There's just something personal going on
between him and Ross.

You come up with anything?

Not a thing. How about you?

We had a crummy break.

One of our men in the Los Angeles
diamond mart spotted Ross and he

back to his hotel.

But by the time we can get a team there,
he checked out.

Who'd he call?

How do I know who he called?

Wouldn't it help to find out?

We already checked Mrs. Ross's phone
call. So did you.

They're too smart to leave traces like
that.

No, she knew not to call Ross, but he
didn't have to take the same precautions

because his location was a secret.

I like that.

That's very good.

You know you guys are good?

I'm serious.

That scenery's terrific, but do you
think we'll get there today?

Hey, I don't want to miss the turnoff,
okay?

Besides, we're not even sure this is the
place.

It has to be. It's the only number Ross
called repeatedly.

And I'll bet Mrs. Ross is just sitting
up there waiting for us. Of course,

in no hurry. Tomorrow we have to get
there. Look, if you guys are lucky, I'm

letting you come along. Not you.

Kidding. If it weren't for us, you'd
still be back in town playing with your

decoder ring.

I gotta go to the jar. Why don't you two
go inside and get a fixed pack of beer

and a bunch of candy bars?

With what?

I think I better wait in the car.

No, no, no, no. Let's do what the man
says.

Yeah.

duck and trap.

You didn't by any chance just happen to
put some gas in here just by accident?

No, nobody told me to.

Yeah. Well, at least we know how far a
gallon will take us.

Mrs. Ross, the game's finally over.

Come on, Dave.

You know my name. We never met.

I saw you with my husband in Hong Kong.

I didn't want to do this.

He insisted on double -crossing you.

Honest, I didn't want to do it.

You know, for someone who didn't want
to, you sure were good at it.

Where are the diamonds? I want them now.

Look, we can make a deal.

You can have more than a third.

You can have half.

Denison's share.

You can even go to Mexico City with us.
Here's the deal.

You see, you take me to the diamonds, I
get them all, and you stay alive. That's

the deal.

I can't do that.

Tony would kill me.

You know, you should have thought of
that before you killed Denison.

Now you've got no choice. Where's the
stuff?

She killed Michael.

Get his share.

And make a lot of you think that Ross
was dead.

I'll kill you. I retire on my government
pension in two years.

Where are they?

Thank you both enough.

was a time when that much money would
have filled this thing.

Where are the diamonds?

Where's Roth?

Never mind that. Where's my truck?

for the FBI to send me the white sheets
on Ross and Denison, and here they are.

Oh, you are a wonder. You really are.
Thank you.

Yeah.

I am holding.

Fortunately, however, the case has been
solved.

Oh, really? Did they find Ross?

No.

Well, did they find the diamond?

Yeah, that's it.

What?

Look, I... No, never mind. That's okay.

That truck wasn't stolen. It was towed.
And it cost me $135 to get it out of

police impound.

Now, wait a minute.

There's something here I don't
understand.

According to the FBI, Michael Dennison
was never married.

Never, ever.

Wait a minute. Let me see that.

Well, that's funny. Why would Laura say
they were?

I don't know, unless... Unless what?

You remember her comments at the eulogy?
I mean, that wasn't exactly what you'd

have expected from the grieving widow.
Okay, so she wasn't a widow. She was a

girlfriend. Well, then why did she say
that he was her husband or her ex

-husband?

Well, I have to admit, it was a little
strange the way she walked up there to

the urn like she was praying. I mean,
she didn't seem that close.

Uh -huh.

Wait a minute. That's it. What?

The urn. What about it? Why cremation?
Why a memorial service? Why not just

scatter the ashes at sea? I don't know.
Why? The urn. What about the urn? That's

where Mrs. Ross hid the diamonds.

She did? Yes, she did. Come on, let's
go.

Okay. Oh, listen. Janet, you just lock
the door when you leave and enjoy your

dinner. It's stir -fried squid.

Mr. Ross is resting peacefully. Right
down.

Oh, dear.

Yeah.

Tony Ross was here, all right, in the
flesh.

This man here any time within the last
24 hours?

No. We did receive a visit from the
young lady you gentlemen were with,

What? When?

Late this afternoon.

What? Did you show her in here?

Why, yes.

And left her in here all alone?

It's our custom to allow the bereaved to
mourn in peace.

Is it your custom to let them walk out
with a body? Hey, Rick.

Ross and Laura are in this together.

No.

Rick, they not only set us up, they set
Galante up.

No. They even set Mrs. Ross up.

Now, where did Mrs. Ross say she was
going?

Mexico City. Let's go out to the
airport. We'll check all the flights.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Get out of here.

Excuse me.

Pardon me, ma 'am. Excuse me. Pardon me.

No! No!

The urn. Give it to me. No!

Come on, Laura.

No!

Whatever your name is.

Who are you?

You're Ross's girlfriend, right?

No.

You didn't even know Michael Denison.
Ross just used you to get rid of his

You know, it's a shame.

I really liked you.

It's too bad.

You're going to take a fall, lady.

Dust to dust.

Yeah, and diamonds are a girl's best
friend.

Oh, hi, Rick. AJ.

Hello. Hello.

Well, hello.

Pick a hand. Either hand.

Pick a hand.

All right, that one.

Well, thank you.

Oh, Rick, they're beautiful.

Thank you.

Pick a hand. Any hand.

You too.

Um, that one.

Whoops. Oh, what are you going to do?

Chocolates? I don't believe this. What,
are you trying to get me fat?

Well, if you don't want to... Wait a
minute. Give me this.

What is all this for?

Helping us out with the Ross Denison
thing, just to say thank you.

You're welcome.

Yeah, if it hadn't been for you, we
never would have found out the truth.

yeah, thanks.

Stick around.

I have some more truth for you.

Let me have that statement I just
signed.

You know, I'm glad you stopped by. You
saved me 20 cents.

Oh? Here you go.

What's this?

What's it look like?

That's a bill for my services.

Your services?

Yeah, the fingerprints, the wire photos,
the white sheets. They all came out of

this office.

Hey, come on, Myra and Janet did that as
a personal favor.

Janet works for me. Right, Janet?

Daddy, when's the last time you bought
me flowers?

Or candy? Huh?

Let's go to lunch. Good idea. Let's go
to lunch. Okay. Where would you like to

go? There is this place I've been dying
to go to.

I know the meaning of amigo.

We're not alike.

Yet everybody we know knows we're more
than brothers. We're best of friends.

We may not live or think like one
another.

And there are times when we have hurt
each other.

Still we're more than brothers. We're
best of friends.