All language subtitles for Simon & Simon s01e06 The Dead Letter File

No problem. Planning for the customer.

Rick?

Rick, good morning.

Where's my suitcase?

In the trunk?

What suitcase?

The one I called you about this morning.

About an hour ago. The one you borrowed
from me.

That was you on the phone?

At 8 o 'clock in the morning?

That was me on the phone. Rick, I've got
a paid vacation and I would like to...

Ah, I thought that was Mom on the phone.
No, it was me on the phone.

I said you'd bring my... Hey, hey, hey!
Would you leave him in the car?

Marlowe, get back in there. Go on, get
up there.

I meant you.

Stay.

Cute. I meant you.

Before we go nationwide, Mr.

Blanding's dream boats in every major
marina. Of course, what you see here is

just the start.

How come Myron didn't want to take this
job?

Daddy doesn't know about it. Mr.
Blanding didn't want to pay his rate.

Island Sound, Lake Havasu. If you guys
do right by me, it could mean $100 ,000

year to you.

Of course, now that's the future. This
here's the present.

Everyone's got to start somewhere, so
you can start by repoing this deadbeat

me. Name's Johnson.

Three months behind in the payments on a
deluxe cabin cruiser. A repo?

Now here's the keys.

Slip numbers on it.

I figure this job's worth, say, uh...
$400 ,000.

$250 for the money or the dreamboat.

No wonder Myron didn't want to take this
job.

We'll take it.

Good. Sick 'em.

Is

that

a face or a fist with eyes?

Rick, I need the suitcase. I'm going on
vacation.

I'm going with you. AJ can handle it.
No, you're not going with me. You'd

my style. I'm going to go up the coast
alone with my suitcase.

You say it's black and it's got a funny
-looking trim on it, right?

No, no. It is brown and it is very
expensive, and I just loaned it to you

month. It's got to be on my boat
somewhere.

Don't worry about it.

We'll swing by and pick it up on the way
back.

On the way back from where?

Repel.

Bye -bye.

Oh, listen, can you please just stay
here and watch the store for us until we

get back?

Pretty please? I am on vacation, A .J.,
remember?

I know that, but we've got a secretary
coming. We called an agency and

everything, but she can't be here till
11, okay? Look, if we're not back by

then, just show her how to water the
plants, all right?

Please.

All right. Oh, thank you.

Do we know an Arthur?

Archie, aren't you so great?

Aha.

Listen, do me a favor and forward that
to the post office at the minimum. Thank

you very much.

Of course, he ain't been around for a
few weeks.

Just up to anchor and left in the middle
of the night.

Still owes me two, three months' rent on
the slips.

Naturally. Mr. Johnson didn't by any
chance happen to leave a forwarding

address, did he?

You've got some sense of humor, you
have.

When we check with a Coast Guard, we
find out if the guy had any floating

violations and where.

No, that won't work, because the Coast
Guard won't talk to us anymore,

Not since that smuggling case.

They say we lied.

Probably cut him live. Do him any calls?
No, but I think... What happened to the

secretary? Didn't she show up?

I phoned the agency, and Muffin has
lost.

Muffin?

Muffin Goldstein.

Listen... Hey, I got an idea.

What? What we can do, we call Cal
National Bank, right? We find out where

Johnson's checks have been coming in
from, because they're probably bouncing.

The bank isn't going to cooperate with
us. Our checks have been bouncing. Hey!

Thank you.

I really think you should read this
letter.

Please do not open the enclosed envelope
unless something happens to me.

Conrad by... Viorst.

Viorst? Mm -hmm.

Wow.

You'd better get this to Arthur right
away.

That's the point. I can't. He's dead.

Hmm? Arthur Hayjack used to have this
office. He died about three years ago.

kidding.

Well, we ought to get it to this Conrad
fellow, Viorst. Can't get it to him

either. He's dead, too.

I called the County Hall of Records and
they said he died in an automobile

accident about 23 years ago.

What?

Janet, that's impossible. The letter was
only written... When?

July 21st, 1959.

Yep. One day before Viorce died.

Well, it gets weirder. I opened the
envelope.

Dear Arthur, I was right all along.

Ben Dodge is a murderer.

The Ben Dodge? The taco king? I got the
evidence and put it where we agreed,

behind the sixth brick from the bottom
on the right -hand side of the

Conrad.

Oh, this is terrific.

We got a 23 -year -old murder case here
with a suspect you could read about in

People magazine.

You know, if we solved this thing, we
could be in People magazine.

Well, too bad. We've got a repo to do.

Hey, we're never going to have to do
another repo again.

Now, we already know the murderer. All
we need to find is the murdery.

All we need to find is the fireplace.

Right. All we need to find is where
Conrad Viorst lived in 1959. Right.

You don't even have to do that.

I already did.

Janet. Yes.

You are indispensable.

Ma. Stay by the phone, will you? We'll
be in touch. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a

minute. Um, I'm on vacation, remember?

And besides...

I didn't hear anybody say anything about
me being in People magazine. And where

is my suitcase?

Oh, you can't leave yet because I don't
have your suitcase yet, right? And

besides that, what's -her -name could
show up any minute.

Cupcakes. Muffin. Muffin. We'll call
you. Right.

Oh, remember.

Suitcase. Okay, now, that's 1120. What
number do we want?

1140. That's 28.

30.

32.

What's this?

Stop. Stop the car.

See the number three lane on the freeway
down there?

Yeah.

It's where Conrad Dior's fireplace is
supposed to be.

Terrific.

Tacos, as everybody knows, are an all
-American food, and that's why, in just

years, our farm has grown from one tiny,
itsy -bitsy, itty -bitty little stand.

in downtown San Diego into a nationwide
chain that as of today numbers 2 ,000.

Did you ever see him eat a taco?

Nope. Not in 25 years.

The bottle, my dear?

How are things looking for the night?

Perfect. He thinks he's going out to
dinner and then home for a nice quiet

evening with the auditor's report.

He'll never even start those reports.

I told the boys from Detroit to call you
the minute they get in town.

They'll be using the name Smith.

Good. I hereby christen this Taco City
number two thousand.

On the other hand, why should we waste
this good champagne on a wall? Well, we

can just as easily be pouring it down
the parched throats of overworked

reporters. The bar's open. Scarf it up,
kids.

Mr. Dodge, is it true you gave an
engagement ring to Princess Raymond? Mr.

has no comment. What about the rumor
that you use no meat in your tacos, Mr.

Dodge?

We don't report as no more questions.
Yeah, I know. I'm not a reporter. I'm a

private detective.

Well, why don't you give us a call,
friend?

Mr. Dodge, does the name Conrad Bjorst
mean anything to you?

Conrad Bjorst, Mr. Dodge, maybe you
could tell us a little about how he died

1959.

Maybe we should call a doctor. No, no,
no, I'll be all right. Just get me some

water.

What do you make of that? It's been 23
years.

Ben, don't get excited.

Don't get excited?

That's what they said to Marie
Antoinette, for God's sake.

Get the door for me, would you?

Okay.

Be careful with it.

All right, watch yourself.

What is that?

That's your suitcase, isn't it?

It's brown.

Couldn't you take it anyway?

Sure. I'll just put some wheels on it
and I'll drive it. It's bigger than my

car. Oh.

Well, did you find the fireplace and get
the evidence?

No. Conrad Bjork's house was torn down
for a freeway. No fireplace.

Oh, no People magazine.

No muffin?

Didn't she show?

She called.

She'll be here after lunch.

After what?

She hasn't started working yet.

12 to 1 .30, agency rule.

We're going to have to go straight to
the taco king himself.

Too bad he won't talk to us.

That's what you get for being
disreputable.

Hey, hey, don't go throwing around wild
accusations like that. My brother is not

disreputable. Thank you. I am.

You know, he did give us his business
card. Yes, he did.

Maybe if he were to have a nice
secretary.

Then I want you to call the factory.

I want you to tell them the word is out
we're using soybeans, and I want to find

out where that leak came from, and I
want it plugged up, and I mean fast.

Yes, sir. All right.

What's the schedule for tonight?

Dinner at 8, sir, then nothing the rest
of the evening, as you requested. All

right, that's good. I want to get to
those audit reports right away.

Yes? Ben Dodge, please. Andrew Simon
calling.

Just a moment.

Sir, are you in front of Andrew Simon?

Never heard of him.

I'm sorry, Mr. Dodge is tied up. Can I
help you?

When will he be free?

Well, he has a very busy schedule. Today
is his birthday.

Perhaps Mr. Simon could write a letter.

Have a nice day.

He is tied up. It's his birthday, and he
said you should write a letter.

Yes? Hi, is Ben in for Jerry Brown?

Just a moment, please.

It's the governor, sir.

Governor? Son of a gun, they must be
calling to wish me a happy birthday.

Hey, Jerry, how the hell are you?

This isn't Jerry.

Oh, all right, I'll wait while I get
him. That might be quite a wait. He's in

Sacramento, I'm in San Diego. Who the
hell is this?

It's Rick Simon. We spoke earlier today
about Conrad Viorst.

You told my secretary you were Governor
Brown. I could have you arrested for

impersonating a state official.

No, I only asked if you were in for
Governor Brown.

Happy birthday.

There's only one explanation for this
blackmail.

After 23 years, someone has a long
memory.

But everybody's dead.

Conrad Viorst had a daughter.

She isn't dead.

If I were you, I would find out if
Conrad Viorst had any surviving next of

That's a great idea. Can you do that for
us? I already did.

I called a friend at the IRS.

Viorst had a daughter named Andrea. She
lives at 14708 Chula Vista Drive.

I already tried calling her and I
couldn't get through. The telephone

said her phone was off the hook.

You know, you are amazing, Janet. Why
don't you come work for us?

Because I like getting paid when I work.

Look, we will stop by the boat. We will
get the right suitcase in time. I

promise it, okay?

What are you doing here with these two
sneak thieves?

Nice to see you too, Myra.

Hi, Daddy.

You know, every time I turn my back,
you're stealing one of my clients.

I just heard how Blanding went with you.
He's not one of our clients.

He's my golf partner.

That's even closer than a client.

And these two weasels somehow found out
that he needed some services. And you

stole him away from me. Well, maybe
you're right.

Just how the hell did you get to meet
him anyway?

Bocho. Yeah, yeah, Bocho.

Hey, look, Myron, there's no point in
getting your blood pressure up because

we're at a dead end.

I mean, we were going to blow the first
case he ever gave us.

Really? Yeah.

Oh, what a shame.

What is it, a repulse? Oh, listen,
Myron, no, there's no point. Even you

couldn't crack this one.

I can crack anything.

Try me. I'm an old hand at this.

Well, we went to try and repossess a
cabin cruiser. Let me guess.

The deadbeat slipped out of the marina
and left no forwarding address, right?

How did you know that?

Genius is genius.

Boy, I could crack this without even
leaving the office.

Janet, call Perkins at the Coast Guard.

Now, first we find out if the missing
cruisers picked up any violations and

where. Now, tell me, do you know where
this guy Johnson banks?

Cal National.

Okay. After Perkins, call Schwartz at
the bank.

Then we find out where this guy
Johnson's checks have been coming in

that'll lead us to the right marina.

Ah, genius is genius.

Bones off, huh?

Funny place to keep ketchup.

Anybody

here?

John, where's your hand?

Who are you? Nobody. Don't shoot.

What the hell are you doing in my house?

The phone was off the hook.

Keep him up.

Yeah, right.

Look, you're Andrew of yours, right?

How do you know? Look, we're private
detectives, okay?

Oh, right, right.

Detectives from the phone company. Very
convincing.

No, really.

I can prove it here.

Give you my card.

Very slowly.

Slowly.

So what are you doing here? What do you
want?

We're investigating... That might not
sound very convincing. Hey, look, we

knocked, okay?

The door was open, your phone was off
the hook. We were worried about you, so

came inside to make sure you were all
right, okay?

Why were you worried about me?

Well, because crazy as this sounds...

We just got a letter from your father.
That's it.

I'm calling the cops.

No, wait.

Look, I know your father died 23 years
ago, but he wrote this letter the day

before he died.

I've got it.

Please.

I can prove it.

Oh, here's the house we used to live in.

They tore it down for a freeway.

Yeah, we know. I know it's in here
somewhere.

Aha!

It's my father on the left and Arthur
Hayjack in the middle. Who's that on the

right? Could be the victim.

That's Jarvis Martin.

The DJ?

Mm -hmm.

Ah, well, at least he's still alive.

Oh, too bad.

Do you think it's possible that Ben
Dodge killed my father, too?

Looks that way.

I mean, if what he wrote in the letter
were true and Ben Dodge found out that

knew... Who's paying your fee on this
case?

Actually, nobody.

I'll pay you to find out if my father
was murdered.

You don't have to do that.

But I want to know.

I have to know.

Well, why don't you wait and see if we
turn anything up, and then we'll... Talk

about a fee, okay?

Okay.

I think we ought to go see Jarvis
Martin.

Don't you?

Oh, yes.

May we keep this?

Sure. Thank you.

By the way, did this house have a fire
plate in it? No, I wish there were.

When I was about six, I tried to roast
marshmallows over the electric stove and

got goo all over the burns.

All right, see you later.

Bye.

That, of course, the Benny Goodman theme
song, Let's Dance.

You're in tune with Swing Time.

This is Jarvis Martin, here four to
seven, seven days a week since 1949.

It's never going to stop our swinging.

I would love to have you at the station,
but what we're really here for is to

meet Mr. Martin.

No, I pray it's going to be impossible.

Ma 'am, it is very important. We have to
see Mr.

Martin.

Oh. Well, I would hope that this doesn't
have to become public knowledge.

But you are seeing Jarvis Martin.

The classic Audishaw version of
Moonglow. This is Jarvis Martin, and

tune with Swing Time.

Jarvis made these tapes from 1974 to
1977.

They're automated. They never play twice
in the same order. And we have an

infinite supply.

So, Swing Time can play on forever.

It was his last gift to me.

His last gift?

Well, Jarvis had a bad heart and he died
in 1977.

But I'm a very lucky woman. My husband's
with me every day during the afternoon

drive time.

Ma 'am, do you happen to recognize
either of the two people in that

with your husband?

It's Arthur and Conrad.

You're all gone now.

You know, this is sort of a strange
question, but did they ever talk to you

about a murder?

Oh, well, there was the Dawn Landers
murder back in 1959.

Everyone talked about that.

You see, Conrad worked for Big Don.

Big Don?

Big Don's Bigger Burgers.

Just one more question, and then we
won't bother you anymore.

Did the house in which you lived in 1959
have a fireplace in it?

No.

AJ?

Hey, come on, you guys. This isn't very
funny.

Double chili cheeseburgers.

I used to spend my entire week's
allowance at Big Don.

That was my allowance you spent. You
played poker with me for it. You were a

lousy poker player.

Big Don sure did make a great burger,
though.

Why would Taco King want to murder Big
Don?

Well, why don't we ask him?

at the airport.

They know what to do tonight. How to get
to the house and where to hide. It's

all set. Good.

The old man doesn't suspect a thing. Not
a thing. And I'll make sure the kitchen

door is unlocked.

I was singing a telegram to Ben Dodge.

Birthday boy?

Oh, yes. I'll get him. Thank you.

Yes, fine.

That's 8 o 'clock, Le Chien Andalou.

All right, Mr. Dodge will meet you
there.

Excellent.

Thank you.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday.

spare these two gentlemen a few moments
of my time?

Sweet.

Thank you.

Conrad Wurst.

A very confused young man. Well, I felt
sorry for him. I thought maybe I could

do something about that terrible

drinking problem he had.

I gave him a job, and he kept right on
drinking.

And one day, he rammed that car of his
right straight into a tree. Thank God he

didn't take anybody else with him.

Yet on arrival.

That's what they told me at the
hospital.

Well, that wasn't long after Big Don
Landers died, was it?

You remember Big Don Landers? Well,
actually, we remember Big Don's

Bigger Burgers.

That was kind of our favorite hangout,
you know.

Guys never could figure out why that
place shut down.

They tried to start a national chain
like I did, but they didn't have my

business expertise. That's all. They
went out of business.

Before or after Big Don died?

Well, it was after, but poor Don's
demise didn't have anything to do with

mean, the seeds of failure were already
planted.

Just out of curiosity, exactly how did
Big Don die?

Surely you know.

Made banner headlines for a week.

I was in grade school.

Yes.

Well, apparently, poor Don came home one
night, surprised a burglar. The man

shot and killed him.

That was in early 1959.

Bad year for people in your line of
work.

It's a nice house you have here.

How long have you lived here?

Since 1960.

So then you weren't living here when
either Big Don or Conrad Vior died?

No, no, no. I still lived over on
Rutledge.

I was raised there.

A lot of wonderful childhood memories in
that old house.

In the early 60s, I had it demolished,
built a high -rise on the site.

Well, who needs memories, right?

Thank you for the drink.

You're quite welcome.

Happy birthday.

Yes, happy birthday.

Mm -hmm.

I think I satisfied them.

Hey, Janet?

Hop in.

I'm here.

Where the hell have you been?

I've been waiting for you guys for
hours. Somebody tried to kill me.

Somebody did what?

How? Well, did you get a good look at
him?

How could I?

He was wearing this.

Well, apparently he took it off.

No, I took it off.

He turned to hide his face and she ran
like hell.

Can you trace it, check for
fingerprints, do something?

Well, you can't get fingerprints off a
polyester.

Listen to me. I was just fine until you
guys walked into my life.

You know, you tell me that my father
might have been murdered. I hire you to

find out.

Then somebody breaks into my house and
tells me to unhire you if I want to stay

alive. Wait a minute. Hold it. The guy
in the mask knew that you had hired us?

Yes. And I wish I'd never met you.

How would he know that?

So what am I going to do?

Hide. Yeah, until this thing dies down a
little bit, we're going to have to find

a safe place for you.

Sure. Like where?

My place.

My place.

Hi, Mom.

Mother, Andrea Vorst is our mother,
Cecilia Simon.

Hello, Andrea.

Hi. Don't you worry.

You come with me. You'll be safe.

Thank you.

Oh, I got the repo info for you.

Oh, good.

Where is it?

Daddy took it. I think he really wants
that landing account.

Myron is going to go repo the gorilla?

Yep.

That's one we owe you.

One. One.

What is that?

This. Nice, huh? Yeah.

suitcase. It is not exactly brown suede,
but then again, it, uh, oh, by the way,

Muffin is getting her stomach pumped.
What?

Something she ate for lunch, and I will
see you guys in about a week. Oh, yeah.

Hasta luego.

Have fun. Have a good time.

You know what makes me mad?

Big Don really did make a great burger.

Well, he did.

Come on, Mom. You remember when I was a
kid, I used to eat so many of those

things, we should own stock in the
place. We did.

We did?

Your father bought it.

It was looking very promising. They were
marketing a new line of products. What

were they? Big Don's Fiesta food.

Tacos, burritos.

That's the motive.

Now, look, we know the killer. We know
the victim. All we need is that

fireplace.

Oh, the only fireplace we've got is Ben
Dodge's.

Yeah, but I can't picture Andrea's
father digging around in an antique

for a brick in a hundred -year -old
mansion, can you?

That house isn't old.

Mr. Dodge just built it to look old. I
remember my father talking about it.

He used to watch them working on it.

Then it could have been under
construction in 59.

Yeah, yeah, it was.

Well, maybe your father didn't have time
to get the evidence out of there.

1959.

I remember seeing pictures of it in the
home section of the newspaper.

Where are you going?

You haven't finished dinner yet. Mom,
dinner was delicious, but we've got to

back inside that house tonight. Look,
Ben Dodge is going out to dinner to Sean

Andillo. He's not going to be at home.
Mom, we've got to go.

Be careful.

Ask. Okay, it wasn't.

Hey, careful.

I'm being careful.

Surprise!

on when we come out, so that's for you.
Great. Thank you. Thank you.

You folks have a nice evening.

a happy birthday.

We'd like to talk to you.

Oh, about the evidence that Conrad
Bjorst had that proved that you killed

Don Landers?

Yes, sir. It is silly, but it is
evident.

No. No, I'm sorry. I won't tell you what
it is, not until we talk in person.

Why don't you come to the phone booth at
the corner of 5th and B? Come alone.

Alone with your chauffeur.

1 a .m.?

See you then. Bye -bye.

Now, just be real gentle with her, okay?

That's a fixed brick from the bottom.

Well, there's got to be another
fireplace.

Bedroom.

What time

you got?

It's, uh, 110.

108.

Okay, we'll get him ten more minutes.

Yes, sir

No worry, Mr. Dodge.

My brother and I don't wait in people's
houses to murder.

What happened to Big Don Landers is not
going to happen to you.

We're just doing a little violence to
your fireplace.

I'm having you arrested. I've sent for
the police. They're on their way.

You have no right to do this.

Well, if we're wrong, we get arrested
for vandalism.

But if we're right, you get arrested for
murder.

Oh, good.

These men have broken into my house.
Quite.

I'm filing charges against them. All
right, you two.

What are you doing here?

Matt, it's a long story. Oh,

we play racquetball together.

Matt, listen.

Do me a favor. Just read the letter.
Read this letter. It'll explain

Well, that doesn't mean anything.

Well, are you just going to stand there
and watch them destroy my property, or

am I going to have to call the police
commissioner?

I demand you put a stop to this.

Just one more minute here, okay?

I hope this is the last I will play.

A .J., I'm going to have to read you
your rights.

You have the right to remain silent.

Aha! How's that for a piece of evidence,
huh?

Here you go, fellas.

Hey.

Cut it out. Quit molesting my turtles,
will you? I can't figure out whether

in love or just hungry.

The way he's in for a big surprise.

Hi. Hi.

Oh, hi.

I just thought I'd drop by to say thank
you.

Oh, well, that's our pleasure.

Oh, here.

Thank you.

Here, I owe you this. No, no, no.

What you do is you buy the lady a new
body, and you can buy us dinner.

Yes, at La Chienne and Delos.

Okay. You got it.

Okay.

Bye. Bye.

What are you doing here? You're supposed
to be on vacation.

No, my car is on vacation.

Four days in the shop to fix the head
gasket?

Oh, that's a shame.

Well, I knew you'd understand why I need
to borrow a car or a pickup.

Well, see, my truck has a lot of work to
do.

No, no, no.

Nice, nice. After I tricked Daddy into
handling that repo for you, I... Daddy,

you're... Myron?

You guys didn't tell me that Johnson was
6 '3", 250 pounds, and used to be

fullback with the Steelers. Well, we
didn't know it.

Sure.

For Canadian League.

Hi, I'm Muffin Goldstein.

Did I miss anything?

I think like one another.

And there are times when we have heard
each other.