Original subtitles

Josh Mullen was terminated

for abusing company resources

to make the following action series.

"Fatal Decision" does not reflect the views

or opinions of SCI Technical Manuals.

Ah, Jack, I can't believe you're moving.

- Well, the orphans I saved

from El Nino gotta live somewhere.

- Hey, who's this?

- My great-great-grandfather. Colt Maxwell.

- Wow. Was he an elite special ops agent, just like you?

- Damn it, Taylor, don't you know history?

They didn't have things like elite special ops agents

in the Old West.

The only two jobs

were farmer

and drunk.

- Howdy. The name's Colt Maxwell.

And I'm just a farmer because it's the Old West time.

If you don't tend to your crops,

you might be making a fatal decision.

- Ooh, wee!

That shot of whiskey burned worse

than the time I thought an anthill was an outhouse.

Your eye patch.

- Criminy, Wade Wilcox! - Wade Wilcox!

- That's right. Wade Wilcox.

I like your hat.

Or should I say, my hat.

- Well, now that doesn't seem right.

- And I'll take the keys to your horse

and this hunting pistol and your straight flush.

And this hat and this hat.

And then if I could get real quick.

- Ah! Ah!

- This is gonna work just fine.

- You want a tissue? Your lip is bleeding.

- Well, there ain't nothing we can do.

This here is the 1800s

and there ain't nothing saying he can't take things.

- Well, let's change that.

I reckon we could write down all the things

that people aren't supposed to do

and then we all agree not to do it.

- Well now that's an interesting concept.

Hey, Old Man Webster,

what do we call these here written rules?

- Oh, I don't know.

How about paws?

- No, we already use that for animal hands, you dope.

- What if we call 'em...

laws?

- Oh. - Oh, laws.

Now that's real good. - That's different than paws.

- Yeah, I like that. Laws. - But a real series of rules,

laws. - Oh tarnation,

he's taking that lady's pianie!

- Give it to me.

I want it. You jerk.

Let me have it.

- No more thieving, Wade.

Our town's got itself a little thing called laws now.

- It's a good thing I...

never learned how to read.

- Well that don't matter boots on a bull frog,

because stupid or no,

all folks got to follow 'em.

- Well, I ain't gonna follow no rules.

So what are you gonna do about it?

- I was thinking about how I got this here gun,

but I only ever used it to shoot at animals before.

But I bet I could shoot it at you too.

- Well, if you shoot me, I'll shoot you right back.

- When you wanna do this shooting at each other?

- High noon feels like it might be most dramatic.

- Colt, Colt, Colt!

Oh, thank God. - I'm fine.

My star medallion stopped the bullet.

- As the enforcer of these laws,

you shall forever wear this star as a warning

to would be criminals.

- And that's the 100% true story

of the first sheriff in all of world history.

- Hold on. Wait.

So he just had a star medallion?