Original subtitles

Take practice, bro. I gotta refuel.

Can I get a five -grain power soy donut, please?

Oh, that sounds healthy, bro. I'll get the same thing. But, uh, can I have

cream filling with, uh, chocolate sauce and, uh, extra rainbow sprinkles,

please? Oh, can I get a glass of milk, too, with rainbow sprinkles?

That's all, bro. I'm cool, all right? You know, some people are just born with

it.

So Luther's got this thing for this waitress at Don's.

Bridget. It's not handling it well. Every time he sees her, he freaks out

starts making this weird dolphin sound.

Bro,

you're making the dolphin sound. I can't help it, all right? She's very

attractive.

This donut don't need no glaze.

You are the sweetness I can handle.

Uh, Cody, you used that line on me yesterday.

I did?

The glaze?

Mm -hmm.

How'd it go over?

Not so good.

Oh, no, no. She's coming over here. Oh, okay, bro. Just breathe deep. She's

coming over.

Breathe deeply. Just breathe deep.

Hey, Bridget. Hey, Z.

You guys need anything else?

You okay?

Z is fine. He does it all the time.

We'll just, you know, take a sip of water.

Or do that.

Wait, don't tell me. Dude, you won't believe what happened. Yes, no, maybe.

Don't forget that I'm a genius. Are you crazy? Someone could be listening to us.

Wait, don't tell me. Not again.

Would you just calm down? Is there a problem?

Let's get a pizza.

We'll act like nothing ever happened. Calm down. It's only Tuesday.

We'll get a pizza.

And hope that no one will hear us talking. Calm down. Cause I'm a genius.

It's only Thursday.

what it is bro but every time i see bridget i get all weirded out it was a

disaster it wasn't a disaster it was all right my face was tingling i couldn't

see straight i started sweating bro you're just nervous we're gonna figure

out relax

The road scabs are a motorcycle gang that come through Gilroy once a year.

They're always itching for trouble.

Working on the core strength.

Every skater needs it. But I'm not going to be satisfied until my abs are like

this.

Anyway, when the road scabs are in town, we try to stay out of their way. But

this year, a few wrong turns and they end up right in our laps.

Hey, I'm asking, I'm asking, all right?

Hey, you!

Hey, you.

Tell me how to find the Jack Bottom Expressway.

Go down, take a right, and it's about a mile down the road.

Finally. This pot roast gets lost every year.

And it's funny to you?

Like I'm some kind of clown, effective magician?

Look, I didn't say anything she did. Oh, so now you're insulting my girl. No,

no, no, no, no. She's fine.

She's awesome.

And now you're hitting on her.

Jack Bottom Expressway.

Take a right at the light. It's about a mile down the road.

I got my eye on you, scape boy.

Yeah, don't come back!

Thanks for the backup, Luke.

I'm always here for you, bro.

So the road scabs were scary, but I was more afraid of a 16 -year -old waitress

named Bridget, so I decided to call Date Helpers, the non -profit date

-practicing service for guys like me.

Oh, there you go.

Loopy!

Oh, Nana?

Oh, does my sweetheart need dating help?

Wait, so you work for date help? I volunteer.

Young boys today have no idea how to treat a lady.

Well, don't you think it's going to be a little awkward?

Nonsense! Stand up straight.

This is so beautiful.

Okay, you're at a fancy restaurant.

What's the first thing you do?

You take your shoes off and then you eat.

No, you pull out the lady's chair and you take her wrap.

Lucy, don't chug it like a horse blanket.

Sorry, Nana.

Oh, man, I can't even date my own grandma.

The physical confidence problem was really starting to get to me. I mean, I

wanted to help the guy, but I didn't know how.

And I found the answer on the corner of Fifth and Elm.

Fears? Phobias?

Anxiety? Call Dr.

Chili Ricardo, the discount hypnotist. You know the guy's good. He has his own

bus bench.

Should probably be getting this back.

You are handsome.

Charming. No woman can resist you.

Doc, you're supposed to be hypnotizing my friend.

Oh, yes, of course.

You're going to be all right. I hope so. Okay, I'm desperate.

My nan is not even returning my calls. I am going to put you into a trance

state, then give you hypnotic suggestions to change your behavior.

Okay, just make me anyone but me.

Your eyelids are growing heavy.

It is an effort to keep them up.

You are sleepy, very sleepy.

Ay, caramba, you're sleepy.

Your friend, he is in the trance.

Wow, you are good.

Me? Okay, Luther, when you hear the word taco, you will become a suave man of

the world, confident with every señorita, a man's man.

And to return to your old self, You must hear the safety word burrito.

Your friend, he's fixed. Now you will pay me $20.

Or perhaps $50.

They should call this place the library because I'm checking you out.

Nothing? I am. Lost my Kojo Mojo.

Must have been an earthquake because you rock my world.

No, man. I can't do it.

You'll be okay.

Ready?

Taco.

Feel any different?

Excuse me.

I have lady business to attend.

Don't you see anything that's not in that book?

Let me check on that.

He is speechless, but, you know, I wouldn't blame him.

Any man would be overwhelmed by your beauty.

Koho, you seem thirsty.

Allow me to buy you a juice box.

Looks like you're feeling better.

Yes, I was feeling very unwell, but now I'm feeling better. I'm devoting my time

to one thing.

Spending more time with you.

Oh, really?

So, Casa del Gil run?

Tonight at 6?

Okay. No, 6 .30.

I have to take an extra long shower.

When did Luke Goof get ganged?

I have a word.

What word?

Um, nothing.

Luke just went to go see a hypnotist.

That bus bench guy?

I saw some old dude sleeping on his face.

Gotta make a call.

Give me something fuzzy already.

Don't waste your time. Nobody can win with that thing.

So you're saying I'm a nobody?

No, no, no. I'm just, uh...

The claw, you can't win. My girlfriend thinks I can win.

Are you calling her a liar?

No, it's just... The machine is clunky.

There you go.

You never did that for me, you big ape.

I don't like that.

You hear that sound?

That's the pain train.

And it's coming around the bend for you.

Choo -choo.

Wow.

I thought I was happy, but I was never truly alive until I met you.

Wow.

You're full of surprises.

After you, my chug -a -plum.

We'll have a special and super -sized porcelain war.

Now, I hope you don't think of me too forward, but if I could be anything in

world, I would choose to be a piece of dental floss stuck between your teeth.

Wow, that's sweet.

I guess.

Um, are you this intense with all the girls?

No other girl exists for me but you.

Ooh. And her.

My boyfriend never took me to a restaurant with lemon water.

You're like a princess.

Buenos dias, muchacha.

Luther, what are you doing?

To see you alone is a crime to my eyes.

Yeah, well, I got in a fight with my boyfriend.

Such a galoot.

Well, then you must join us.

Luther, this is our date, remember?

Whoa,

you're classy.

Like lemon water on two legs.

Well, I hope you don't find me too forward, but...

If I could be anything in this world, I would choose to be a cotton swab

exploring the depths of your ear canal.

Okay, you know what? I am out of here.

Wait, my love peach. There's plenty of Lucy to go around.

Oh, well, more Lucy for you.

Hey,

aren't you hanging out with Luther?

Your friend is out of control.

Apparently... it's on any woman he sees.

Uh -oh.

Ooh. A guacamole fuck, Rob.

Tark would never do this for me. Oh, well, he was missing out.

Because your toes are like pretzel nubs, but saltier.

Listen.

What are you doing? You're supposed to be with Bridget.

Bridget is just a distant memory.

I have a new love now.

What's your name?

Rhonda Portsnick.

Rhonda.

At least I don't know about this.

Got to snap you out of this. Burrito.

How do you feel?

Rhonda, baby, have you ever seen my dance of a thousand passions?

No, baby, I haven't.

Burrito.

Burrito, burrito.

Why isn't it working?

Moose -eyed, friend.

Standing in the way of my true love for...

Ronda Porchneck. Ah, Ronda Porchneck.

Now be gone, my friend. Be gone!

Burrito?

Let's do something crazy.

Ronda?

What are you doing with my girls? Whoa, hands off the jerk.

He's treating me like a lady's what he's doing.

Unlike you.

Fingered lug! Oh, really?

Get him, boys!

Hands off the shirt!

It's silk!

Bro, why aren't you answering your phone?

Ruth?

I got a bad feeling about this. I knew I shouldn't have taken him to that

hypnotist doctor nutjob.

Burrito.

Burrito. Burrito.

Burrito.

Burrito.

That's it. Stay stuck.

Yes.

Mrs. Donaldson, settle down. You're going to be fine. You're just having

swings. I'm having mood swings.

You have no control over your emotions.

Butterpotty. Maybe that'll teach you not to mess with a guy's lady scab.

Unfortunately not. You see, it actually afforded me time to compose several love

letters for, uh... Rhonda Poitchnik.

Rhonda.

That's it.

Guys, pulverize him!

Oh, no, gentlemen, hands off the church, okay?

You're gonna have a lot bigger problems than that church, okay? Believe you me.

Luther, he lives by three things.

Women are for loving.

Life is for living.

And fear is a thing for another man.

This guy's unbelievable.

He just won't crack.

Hey, hold on!

Hey, kid.

You got a lot of guts.

On behalf of the rest of the guys, we'd be honored if you joined the scabs.

Be right back, baby.

Well, I've, uh, never turned down an honor before.

So I'm in.

You know, of course you, uh, you will have to pass our initiation ceremony.

If you survive, all the better.

Rainbow, break them.

It's like double rainbows.

Could you, are you going to eat that or just stare at it?

Eat it.

What's this in my tummy?

It's cold forever.

Okay, you seem a little emotional. I mean, we got dozens more in that case

over there.

There's rainbows for everybody.

Is this just me or the guys in this town getting weirder every day?

We're looking all over. for you i was saying it all wrong so if you get this

message look okay so i figured it out before you say one more word my friend

i have to tell you this gilroy can no longer contain me i'm a road scab now

to explore the world with a cute girl by my side and the wind in my face goodbye

forever you don't know what you're saying but i'll be over in

just a second

For real!

Burrito!

Burrito!

Burrito! Burrito!

Nine!

A hundred!

All right, recap.

My friend here has passed the written test. He has got 20 -20 eyesight.

and he just received 100 lashes with this here fish.

But in order to become a full -fledged road scab and eligible for our health

benefits, there is one final test that he must pass.

Roll out the crater worms!

Yeah! Roll out the worms!

This is bad. Luther hates worms. Seriously, he hates them. It all started

at Camp Huckalucka.

He felt a squirm in his pants.

Point is, Luther hates worms.

Woo! A love worm!

Roll out the worms!

Oh, a love worm!

Okay, I have a delivery for the road scabs. I have one quesadilla, two

enchiladas, and a burrito.

Hey, where am I? What's going on, huh?

Are those worms?

You're about to become a road scab.

I am? Yeah.

As soon as you take a little worm...

Hand me, amigos. I fear no worms. Hello, my little friend.

All I have left is a burrito.

But I want a taco.

Listen, all I have left is a burrito.

Taco!

Burrito!

I don't like your attitude.

In fact, we didn't order any Mexican food.

Yeah, but why are you wearing that?

Skater boy.

All right. It's time you and me settle this.

All right.

Give her your best shot.

I work out, but why take chances?

Anybody else?

The truth is, I guess I was a little scared that you wouldn't like the real

But hey, you know, once you spend time in a bucket of worms, I guess nothing's

really scary anymore.

I guess I know what you mean.

Really?

Luther didn't need any help, any practice dates, any hypnosis.

He just needed to relax.

And he got all Luther waffles.

So, do you like pickle juice and rainbow sprinkles on your pasta?

No, I'm good with Parmesan.

Oh, you're going to be okay.

There was a simple mix -up that gave you these wild mood swings.

Listen, Jack.

You think I'm having mood swings? You're having mood swings. Don't worry. I can

fix you.

Your eyes are heavy.

You are entering a deep sleep.

Deep as the deepest ocean.

Hello, my sweet.

No need to apologize. You just put your foot in your mouth.

Yet I put my feet in my mouth all the time.