Original subtitles

Big news in Milpitas. Huge authority.

They're shooting a movie here, and not just any movie, a movie with the biggest

star in Hollywood. He's the most greatest actor of our generation. We've

all his flicks. Of course we're talking about Sammy the Ape. There was Ape in

the Outfield.

Talladega Ape 2, Driving Me Bananas, Ape School Musicals, all like 15 times.

And Harry is Potter and the Half -Blood Primate. I love that movie. I know.

This time, Sammy's here to shoot The Great Skating Ape. They found a way to

combine my most two favorite things, skating and apes.

And I heard that the director is looking for extras to be in the background of

the movie to make it look real. Wait, why didn't you tell me? We gotta get

freshened up.

What are you doing? Gotta smell good. Bam.

Wait, don't tell me. Dude, you won't believe what happened. Yes, no, maybe.

Don't forget that I'm a genius. Are you crazy? Someone could be listening to us.

Wait, don't tell me. Not again.

Would you just calm down? Is there a problem?

Let's get a pizza.

And then we'll act like nothing ever happened. Calm down. It's only Tuesday.

We'll get a pizza.

And hope that no one will hear us talking. Calm down. Cause I'm a genius.

It's only Thursday.

And by tomorrow we'll have everything just fine.

I didn't know they were looking for extra losers.

Are you wearing makeup?

Yeah, yeah.

Come on, don't tell me Will Smith done kicked it up a notch with a little

product. Watch out.

All right, people, listen up.

We're burning daylight, the stuntman is in the hospital, and the snack truck is

out of pretzels.

Oh, no. So, yeah, it's a nightmare.

But you know what?

It's my nightmare.

Mine.

I'm the director, Dec Bratner. Understood? Yes.

Uh, Mr.

Bratsworth? I wasn't really listening, but, uh, when do we get to meet Sammy?

Yeah, he made him a banana smoothie.

Oh.

You made him a smoothie.

Oh, how thoughtful.

Mmm,

delicious, best I've ever had.

I'm gonna say this once.

No one here will meet Sammy.

We were hoping to get a picture with him, sir. Do you mind?

Yeah, why not?

You can get that after you're fired.

Now, as far as selecting extras... Excuse me. I don't really consider

extra. I'm more of an actor.

I've been told they got a lot of pizzazz.

Not gonna lie to you.

You have the pizzazz of roadkill.

Okay.

Now, I can only use one of you, so... Too tall.

Too short.

Too glassy.

Too happy.

Too annoying.

Too red.

And, uh... Ugh, he'll do.

Really, he'll do? Cool.

The rest of you, you're fired.

Scram!

Bro, I'm sorry.

I don't care what this meeting director says, all right? I'm gonna go try and

see Sammy. All right, man.

All right.

Let's get you in a wardrobe.

Wardrobe? Yeah. I really hope I get to wear something cool.

Gorilla suit? Seriously?

That is so cool.

Just put on the mask. You speak again, you're fired.

Got it. You're fired. No.

I'll give you another chance.

Thanks. You're fired. I'm crying.

Still fired, but I don't want to find a replacement, so you're rehired.

James.

Excuse me?

Uh, the director told me to tell you you're fired.

But I would come back in like 30 minutes and probably forget about the whole

thing.

It is an honor to meet you, Sammy, sir.

You're my biggest fan.

Or I'm your biggest fan.

See? I'm an honorary ape boy.

Okay, so you're the stunt double for Sammy.

I get to do stunts, too? Cool. I can do a frontside aerial, 360, or, oh, I can

ollie down a cliff if you want me to. Get your homemade falafels. Get them

they're still mildly warm.

Ginger, what are you doing here?

Well... Monkey Boy, you're not the only one making a buck off these Hollywood

saps. What's that?

I mean, Hollywood saps.

How about a $9 falafel?

Mm -hmm. Yeah.

Yeah. Delicious. Best I've ever had.

All right, let's set the scene.

You're a skateboarding ape, and the bad guys are trying to steal your magic

skateboard.

Whoa, nice.

You totally set the scene for me. Wow, thanks.

All right, people, let's do this.

Oh, I'm sorry. Am I in your seat?

I wanted it to look spontaneous.

Moving on!

You know what?

I think you can do better.

Falafel Kid's right.

Let's go again, people!

language about a year ago. I was flipping through some channels when my

stopped working.

So I was stuck watching the last channel I turned to. The style language

channel. How to survive an emergency in Canada.

A moose is standing on my chest. Help.

No, I'm serious.

They invented it. It's called banana bread.

Oh no, you get out of town.

Jumbo?

What's jumbo?

Yeah, but what is that?

Fire! Fire every single one of them. I don't care who they're related to.

Just get rid of them.

Sammy, baby, who loves you? I got the new script.

Really, really good stuff. You can just smell the funny. It's great.

Excuse me, big guy.

Go! You got ten seconds.

That is the stupidest idea I have ever heard for a movie, Mom.

Sammy,

I love you. You're perfect.

Later, big guy.

You will not believe this. The craziest thing happened to me today.

It couldn't have been crazier than my day, okay? I was beaten, whacked,

pummeled, tickled against my will. How can you top that?

Okay, you win.

Yes. Follow me home.

Luther's had a lot of things follow him home over the years.

Cats, frogs, weird bunnies, an old lady.

He was lost. But this absolutely hands down without question takes the cake.

You can't take an ape. There are rules against taking apes. Didn't your mom

put a new carpet? You can't have an ape on new carpet. Okay, look, he followed

me home. Then tell him to follow you back. No, he's trying to tell me

all right? He is very smart.

Boots, this is ape mapping. Once they find out that Sammy's gone, we are going

to be in some serious hot water. Look, he's trying to tell me something, okay?

He's trying to communicate.

Look.

You've been drawing this for 30 minutes, okay?

What, a picture of you as a superhero?

Oh, no, I...

That.

Like an A.

Yeah, or it kind of looks like a mountain.

Or it kind of looks like a mountain.

Hey, Ape Mountain Reserve.

That's where he was raised, over in San Antietam.

How do you know that? His autobiography.

And you think that's where Sammy wants to go?

I don't know.

Is that it, Sammy?

You want to go to the Ape Mountain Resort?

I keep signing Jumbo.

What's Jumbo? I don't know. Maybe it's someone at the resort, like his dad or

his brother or his aunt or something.

Look, but we have to take him, okay?

This is nuts. They're going to know he's missing. We'll have him back in time.

No one will ever know he's gone.

Yo.

Sammy.

All right, handsome.

I got some chimichangas for you.

bro it's not happening come on okay sammy's reached out to me all right he

trusts me to be honest he's kind of a little hairy brother i never had he's

grooming me helping luth out made absolutely no sense at all it was dumb

dangerous and ridiculous but he's my best friend okay fine great

come on how much trouble could a 300 pound gorilla be

Sammy, be sure to flush, okay?

So I convinced Z -Man that taking Sammy to see Jumbo at Eight Mountain was

something we definitely had to do. I said we'd go if we could find a way to

there. I'm a softie. Luckily, I know the perfect person who's always willing to

help with a nice set of wheels.

Hello -ee!

Santa! Hey!

Uh, look, I was wondering if, uh, you could take me and some of my friends to

Eight Mountain. You!

Betcha. And I just got a new subwoofer.

Listen to this.

Well, that's bumping, Nana.

All right, holla.

All right, Nana's good to go. Let's get Sammy out the bathroom and hit the road.

Hang on.

There's just one thing I have to do before we leave.

How many times am I going to have an ape in my house?

He's 5 '3", about 350 pounds, got hair all over his body. He's got sort of a

magical star quality about him. So find him. I've got a movie to make.

Why aren't you writing this down, Dingle? Hey, don't yell at me.

I got it all up here, mixed in with my brains.

Is there another cop on duty?

Hey, Dick. I mean, Mr. Director. Sir.

About my lack of pizzazz.

I realize...

I forgot to show my full range of emotion.

Oh, boy.

Happy.

Sad.

Hungry.

Confused.

Adorable.

You remind me of someone.

You remind me of someone I can't stand.

Get off my set. My million -dollar monkey is missing.

Usually in Milpitas.

If something bad's going down, there's two guys you're going to want to check

out.

Zeke and Luther.

Hey, Nana.

Oh, we really appreciate this. Thank you so much.

Luther, thank you for including me in your wicked cool lives.

What up, Z -Man? Ow.

Yeah, but we're in a hurry, so there's no time for introductions. Come on,

go. Are you sure to the car?

What's wrong, Sammy?

B -I -N -G -O, B -I -N -G -O, B -I -N -G -O, and bingo was his name.

Uh,

Dana?

Sammy's gotta go to the restroom.

Right here.

Deputy Dingle, 1234 in progress.

Missing gorilla spotted at the Tinkle Springs rest area on Highway 101.

Copy?

All right.

Officer Dingle, 1234 in progress. Copy?

All right.

Deputy Dingle, remove the donut from your mouth and copy.

I got it.

Can I get you 11 donuts? looking hassled okay now

put this down before you sit it will protect your ape cheeks okay luke he's

ape okay he doesn't care where his cheeks go i think he does now there's

in the stalls so we have to wait our turn okay

Don't tell him to take his time, okay? We're in a hurry.

Hurry, but take your time as fast as you can.

Here's some reading material or pictures.

Let's wait for him outside. No, we have to stay here. The door is broken down,

okay? Let's wait outside.

Except for you guys.

I will ruin you.

We can't give up. What are we going to do?

Deputy Dingo, you caught us red -handed, all right? The ape's inside.

What? I can't believe you gave Sammy up, you traitor.

Trust me, trust me, trust me.

Just let us go say goodbye to Sammy, and then you can do what you need to do,

all right?

Sure.

Hey, no monkey business.

really funny what are we doing in here don't worry about it you just get sammy

to eight mountain to find jumbo what about you i'm gonna create a diversion

thanks see slow butter with feeling i've lost nine badges

sarge says that's a record not this baby hey where'd it go

We made it.

It's time to be reunited with Jumbo.

Go on.

Be free.

At least till Nana comes and picks us up in an hour.

I hate mountains.

It's what you drew.

Go. Live wild.

Go.

This isn't what you wanted?

Look. I'm so sorry, man. Okay, I overreacted. I screwed up. I'm so sorry.

Big A Veggie Burger?

What, you wanted the whole time a jumbo burger?

Let's go get the biggest, sloppiest jumbo burgers we can afford.

Nana?

I gotta tell you something.

Sammy's a gorilla.

I knew that.

What do you think, I'm a dunderhead?

I didn't want to roll with you kids.

When did you know?

Well, our first giveaway was when he tried to roll down the window with his

feet.

And then the second was, he's a 300 -pound gorilla.

I just want to say, for a celebrity, you are really down to earth.

Like a regular person.

A regular ape.

I had a lot of fun today.

That's why I want to give you this.

You're welcome.

So I guess this is goodbye?

I promised myself I wouldn't cry.

I got the wild beast in custody.

Here's your eight, Mr. Hollywood.

You put up a fight, but I took him down.

Dingle style.

I guess the only thing left is my reward.

Are you kidding?

You're the worst cop ever.

This is a kid in an eight suit.

No, it's not.

Yes, it is.

There goes our reward.

No offense, but you are the worst cop.

You need a cop in your movie? I do comedy.

And magic. Here, watch this. Pick a card. Any card.

You intimidated by real talent?

Yeah.

What's up?