Original subtitles

Honey, you are my shining star.

Don't you go away.

No.

I got it.

Are you sure you don't want... No, I got it, I got it, I got it.

Look, at that...

in Beverly Hills that don't do such good work.

I get it.

Hello?

No, I'm sorry, Russ isn't here right now. May I take a message?

Bobby from science class?

Uh -huh. And you want to take her to a concert Saturday night?

Oh, that's fine, Bobby. Be sure to buy four tickets because her father and I

will be coming with you.

Bye -bye.

A date, huh?

Yeah. When did that happen?

First thing, it's Bobby from science, and then the next thing you know, it's

from study hall.

We are both rude.

Do you know she was asking me about colleges the other day? Oh, my God, I

she doesn't apply to Vassar. I told her I went there.

I guess we just got to face the fact that our little girl is growing up.

Yeah.

You told me you went to Wellesley.

I've got to get my story straight.

I'm doing the Dolly Parton special tomorrow.

Well, what has that got to do with anything? I'm resting my voice.

Oh, look.

Meryl Streep built her own shed.

I wish she was my best friend.

I'm your best friend.

Yeah.

What are all these old costumes?

Oh, one for every Halloween of my life. Yeah, all 30 of them.

It wasn't that funny. No, it's not.

Halloween, we met those two guys dressed as Siamese twins, only it turned out it

wasn't a costume. Ew!

He was a good dancer, though. Mine wasn't.

Oh, oh, oh, here it is.

Oh, that's cute.

Oh, my mother made this for me when I was Rose's age.

I'm giving it to her for Halloween.

You think it's too long? No, it looks all right.

Oscar, why don't you try it on? You're about her size.

What? Why don't you have Rose try it on? Shh, I just want to see if I can make

him do it.

Actually, I have to go.

Where? Um, I have a date.

Really? Yes.

Huh. What's his name?

Jake. Jake what?

Messina. Huh. What's he like?

Italian. Hmm. Where'd you meet him? Cuckoo Row on Santa Monica. Really? Is

good? Delicious.

Where'd he go to college? Hair color, eye color, favorite vocalist? Brown,

brown, brown. You, of course. Oh, he sounds so nice.

What's his name again? Jeff Messina. I thought you said it was Jake.

Damn it!

You see, this is exactly why Meryl Streep will never be your best friend.

Oh, Rose is going to love this.

Don't you think she's going to love this? Oh, I can't wait. We always have

a good time on Halloween.

Oh, oh, look.

A Tootsie Roll.

Hey, hey, you're not going to eat that. It's got to be 30 years old.

No, I was just looking at it.

Mother,

please, I'm doing my homework. Sorry.

What are you doing?

Just making sure your Halloween costume fits.

What Halloween costume?

Isn't it cute?

I figured we'd go out at sundown before all the good candy gets took.

But aren't you doing a special with that lady?

Oh, honey, that's no lady.

That's Dolly Parton.

And why's she always calling me little Darwin?

That's just her shtick. She calls me Pudding Pop.

You have the weirdest friends. Well, don't worry. We're only taping one

and I'll be home in plenty of time to go trick -or -treating.

Mother, I'm 13.

You're 12 and a half.

Well, I don't trick -or -treat anymore.

Well, what do you mean? We went last year.

Well, last year I was a kid. Now I'm not.

Nobody told me.

Anyway, I'll just fluff this thing up a little bit, okay?

Mother, I'm not wearing it.

Well, okay, fine.

Who do you want to go at?

I want to go as a person who's not going.

Well, I checked the stores, and they're all sold out of that one.

or treating.

Oh, honey, no.

Hi,

honey. Hi.

What are you looking for?

Nothing. I just thought I saw Dolly's truck outside.

That's the pool man.

You know, they got the same Yosemite Sam mud flaps.

You know, I don't know what you see in her.

She's so short and busty.

Yeah, that's never been my type.

So what's that thing?

Well, it used to be a bridge between me and my daughter. Now it's just a rag for

me to dry my tears.

Okay, we got any of that good turkey sausage from last night?

Just a second. I'm crying into a hula skirt here. Doesn't that even pique your

curiosity? Yeah, I just figured I needed some energy first.

I'm losing my little girl.

Why? What happened?

Rose refuses to go trick -or -treating with me.

Oh, well, what are you going to do? It was bound to happen sooner or later.

You know, it's that kind of lackadaisical parenting that leads to

How can you whisper heavy petting at home and then go talk about your boobs

The Tonight Show?

I don't know. That is odd, isn't it?

You are a complicated woman. Yes, I am.

Listen, honey.

We agreed we have to start to let Rose make some of her own decisions. That's

the only way she's going to grow up.

What's the rush?

Kids today grow up too fast.

Every time I come home, I see that little boy across the street sitting in

front yard smoking a pipe.

That's a garden gnome.

Oh.

Well, that explains the bird crap in his hair.

Look, honey, if you're that upset about it, why don't I just go talk to her?

Where is she? She's in the kitchen. Okay.

No, no, wait, wait, wait, wait. What are you going to say?

Oh, I don't know. I'll listen to her side of the story. We'll get the lines

communication going, and we'll work it out together.

Great, great, great. Excellent plan.

Excelsior!

She's your mother. Go.

Fine.

Hey, how you doing, Pudding Pop?

Fine, Apple Fritter.

You almost ready?

Well, just about. I'll slap on a little more war paint and I'll be ready.

Where's your people?

What people?

Oh, me and Avon's been doing this ourselves for years.

Oh, I heard that. Little Vaseline on the teeth, pinch my cheeks, and I'm good to

go. All right.

See you later. Okay.

Okay, people, I need two lines here. If you're on makeup, nails, or body paint,

get to the left. Who's on hair? Show of hands. Very good. Honey, what do you do?

Soft back rub. Tell her she's fabulous. All right, get in there. Now the rest of

you, let's get busy. And remember, no one looks her in the eyes. Go, go.

You are fabulous.

Thank you.

It takes a village.

Did you tell Dolly I have to be by six to go trick -or -treating? Yes, she said

no problem. Really? Actually, she said something about the moonies and over the

holler, but the yes was implied.

Rose and I are going to have fun, aren't we? We sure are.

You're fabulous.

Stay on it.

How come she doesn't want to do stuff with me anymore?

Honey, she's growing up. Oh, well, I don't know if I care for that.

Right.

Okay, whenever you're ready, then.

Where'd you get that?

Dolly gave it to me. I think she's one of the sweetest people I've ever worked

for. Really? Yes.

Well, I have a present for you, too.

Oh, really?

Mm -hmm. It's something a little more personal than a watch.

Oh, wow.

Ten dollars.

You're welcome.

I thought it was five.

That's fabulous.

Well, who are all these people?

My kinfolk. Beat it.

Oh, Connie, I cannot thank you enough for making this all happen. You are so

sweet. This is for you. Oh, Dolly, thank you. Well, I don't know what to say.

You're welcome.

this show on the road.

Oh, gee, is it time to go already?

I wouldn't know.

I don't have a watch.

You ain't getting one.

All right.

From the top.

Anything you say, love.

She's so nice.

She's why I believe in God.

swinging those fish sticks like that, I'm going to have to throw you back.

Maybe you ought to calm it down just a smidge. Dolly, I've been slapping this

tail for 30 years. I know what I'm doing.

Somebody cooking salmon?

That's your wife.

Hey, what happened to you?

Well, I think Dolly tried to cut a few corners on the scenery.

Very flimsy. This is going to take longer than I thought.

What are you wearing?

Oh, just a little something I put on for Halloween.

Howdy, Dolly. Well, look at you, ain't you the handsome cowboy?

Well, thank you, ma 'am.

Why, you smell like Christmas.

Look how excited she is.

Look, I know I promised you that I'd be home in time, but we got to go trick -or

-treating around here.

We only have one hour before they get the cameras back up, okay?

Here you go, pumpkin.

This one's for you, and it has a timer on it. Wow, thank you. It's so cool.

Get one for me.

Hey, you two have a big time.

Roy, are you going to come with us, or are you going to wait for us here?

Well, I suppose a feller can hole up here for a spell, breathe in the night

roll up a cigarette.

the hell's wrong with you?

Huh?

Hey, I've got my fry daddy out in the van. Anybody want chicken?

Oh, that would be lovely.

She never gives me so much as a tomato.

Well, I bet she'd certainly never dream of giving you free tickets to Dollywood.

I love you, Dolly Park.

Come on, cowboy.

Y 'all have a good time out here. Bye.

You look great.

Okay, now I'm gonna need a costume. Come on.

wasn't I in that movie?

Was I in that movie?

Open your coat. Nobody can see the costume.

Who do we have here?

Mae West and a little sailor boy.

Trick or treat.

Yeah.

Reach in.

One piece, sweetie.

She got two.

Just for that, you don't get any.

Doggie?

honey. You're 12 and a half.

Really? I go through all this trouble just to show you a nice time.

Oh, come on. It's not like we even did this for me.

What's that supposed to mean?

This whole Halloween thing is just for you.

Yes, of course.

No, you don't understand. I'm saying the whole night has been about you, not me.

Exactly.

Okay, you're not getting this.

I get it.

You didn't want to go out. I made you go out.

I needed you to be a kid just one more Halloween. Okay, so I'm done.

You can grow up now.

So you want to do just one more house?

Excuse me.

Miss Parton?

Yes? Would you come with us, please?

What's this about?

Well, now, this must be some sort of misunderstanding.

But I'll be right back. This won't take long.

What was that about?

I knew she stole those watches.

I get the M &M's.

They're my favorite.

I get the all the joy.

They're my favorite. I get these things, whatever they're called. I just love

them. Love them.

Okay, that just leaves me with loose raisins and a bun.

Okay, you take it all.

Hey, it's your last Halloween.

Yeah, I guess.

What?

I don't know.

You mean you had a good time?

It was okay.

Just okay?

All right, Mom, it was fun. Are you happy?

I'm Mom again!

It was kind of cool the way you screwed over Dolly Parton and everything.

You like that, huh?

Who can we get next year?