Original subtitles

Well, it's abundantly clear to me we're wasting our time with these

applications. There's not a qualified budget director in the lot. Oh, dour

grapes, Clayton. They are all qualified. You just want a job yourself. I just

want what is best for this state. I have been doing the job for three months.

And a superlative job, if I do say so myself.

You usually do say so yourself.

To tell you the truth, Krauss, I have problems with all of these applications.

Well, I vote for this Harold Biff Bilson.

He played basketball at Berkeley.

Well, he might work if we were intending to slam dunk the budget.

But this guy finished last in the class of 400.

I don't care.

He is tall, muscular, and has a chiseled profile.

Where does it say anything about a chiseled profile?

I can fantasize, can't I?

You can salmonize your cat for all I care. Just don't do anything else.

Look, I have heard enough. We cannot turn over the enormous responsibility of

all state funding to some fool.

We turned it over to you three months ago.

I take that as a personal insult.

I think that's the way she meant it, babe.

All right, fine. Look, I have given you the benefit of my wisdom. If it falls on

the four deaf ears in this room, so be it.

Ah, good. Governor. Found any budget director yet?

Fine. Just ignore me.

I'm not even here.

I don't exist.

What's that?

Clayton. What's his problem today?

Oh, the same thing as always. He thinks he is Mr. Big Bridges and he is not.

Must have big britches.

Yeah, he is too big for his britches.

Listen, can we drop Clayton's britches for a moment?

I have a recommendation.

Good. So who is it? Well, now it's someone with whom we are all quite

Well, what is wrong with a new face?

Well, no, we need somebody who has some experience in the job.

Yeah? Who is it? Um, Clayton.

All in favor of the basketball player.

Just a minute, Mr. Benson.

Benson, don't get me wrong.

Clayton can do the job, but you'll never get him through Senator Gates'

committee. They hate him over there.

Well, that's not the point. We hate him over here.

You want to help Clayton? What is next?

Marching for acid rain?

Frans, why don't you march out of here? You're giving me acid indigestion.

With all of these excellent applications, why do you recommend

number one, we know he can do the job. Number two, we avoid that awkward

transitional period. And number three, he's the only one who can afford to work

for the salary the state's willing to pay.

All right, I'll support your recommendation on one condition, that

him through the committee.

I'll be happy to.

Personally, I think it'd be easier to get Fred Flintstone through that

committee.

Fred Flintstone.

I can hear the vote now. All in favor, yabba -dabba -doo.

Yabba -dabba -doo.

Vincent, Vincent, don't get me wrong. I appreciate your recommendation.

Well, just answer the questions, Clayton. And for goodness sake, don't

embellish. Yeah, but I do not appreciate your lecturing me on how to behave in

front of the committee. You know I have a way with people.

That's exactly what worries me, your way with people.

I am wonderful with people.

I may not like people, but I know how to use them.

Well, I wouldn't make that your campaign slogan.

I can be every bit as diplomatic as the next jerk.

You won't know what I think.

Mrs. Cassidy, buzz off.

I see you went to the Rambo School of Charm.

You know what I think?

Don't you have something to dust?

Well, I think, Clayton, that's what I mean.

Why don't you give her a chance? Maybe she has something constructive to add.

ahead, Mrs. Cassidy. What do you think?

I think somebody comes in here at night and twists up these cords just to drive

me away.

I mean, the influence of that committee.

How dare they challenge me?

Clayton, it's not pistols at dawn. They simply want to ask you a few questions.

The late Mr. Cassidy once fought a duel over me.

Really? Yeah.

Pistols or swords?

Bar stools and beer bottles.

Don't you have something to dust?

Look, they don't intimidate me.

If I must be diplomatic, so be it. But I want you to keep it in mind that I am

not going to kiss up to those sharks on the hill. Well, it's not a matter of

kissing up to them. Just remember they're sharks and act accordingly.

Senators, I have examined all of the applications sent to my office.

And it is my determination that the temporary budget director would in fact

the man most qualified for the office. I therefore submit for your approval as

the new budget director, Clayton Endicott III.

Lieutenant Governor, when I first received your

recommendation, my immediate reaction was, is he kidding?

Well, Senator Williams, no one is more aware of the prevailing sentiment in the

Capitol regarding this matter than I. But I must point out that Mr. Endicott

not running for miscongeniality. He is merely seeking the office of budget

director, for which I repeat, he is fully qualified.

And does the governor support this nomination?

Yes, he does.

Unbelievable.

Resorted to that guy.

Are you aware that this is an important and sensitive position you seek, Mr.

Endicott? Mr. Endicott?

Well, of course I am aware. Why else would I subject myself to this

And are you aware of the heavy responsibility that goes with this job?

That is a stupid question. Time.

Time. Time.

Clayton, it is one thing not to kiss the sharks, but it is quite another to stir

the water and throw in buckets of bloody liver.

Senator, would you repeat the question?

No.

Senator, Senator Gate, uh...

I would like to repeat that the temporary budget director has already

very competently in this job for the past three months. And in the future, he

would be able to draw upon the experience of the past budget director.

Is that good enough?

That's a start, Mr. Endicott.

Mr. Endicott, do you consider yourself a trustworthy person?

Yes, I do.

Reliable? Absolutely.

A man of integrity.

Look, I'm not going to steal your precious money, if that's what you want

know. Time, time.

That's exactly what they want to know, babe.

Yes, Senator, in answer to your question, I will be a good little boy.

Mr. Indykart, do you... Realize you would have access to certain sensitive

information that would bear directly on the security of our great state.

Uh, time, time.

Listen, is that a stupid question or what?

Oh, yes, it's a stupid question, but... Are you addressing the committee,

Lieutenant Governor?

No, no, uh, Mr. Endicott asked... me a stupid question and I would like to

answer it if you don't mind.

Uh, Clayton, you are turning a distinguished assemblage into an angry

Uh, yes, uh, Senators, I am fully aware of the awesome responsibility incurred

when one assumes the mantle of this great office.

See? That wasn't so hard.

You, uh, you appear to be a good American, Mr. Endicott.

Humility.

Senator, my lineage dates back to the Mayflower, and I have been blessed with

the characteristics of a great American.

Back off to humility.

You appear to be a man above reproach.

Only if the senator says so.

Why do you have such trouble finding the middle ground between preening and

groveling?

Maybe you can explain to this committee why, for the past six months, you have

been cohabitating with a Russian national.

You guys are really fishing,

aren't you, senators?

You don't want to.

I don't want to.

Wait a minute. Hold it, hold it, hold it. Wait a minute.

No, no, no, no. Don't be kidding around, babe. No. If you want this job, you

better answer that question. I don't, I don't, I don't want this job.

What? No, I don't want this job. I don't want this job.

No, no, I don't want it. Wait a minute, wait a minute. I don't want it. I've

spent too much time in this.

Don't you feel silly standing on the toilet?

It's nothing sacred.

You want to talk about it?

I behaved like a fool.

I can't argue with that.

What am I going to do?

My head is thinning, my stomach's a knot, my insides are churning.

Well, go back in there until you feel better.

talking about. They know about my roommate.

You mean Senator Gates, right? You have been living with someone.

Yeah, she's a ballet dancer from Russia. She defected. We've been living

together for six months.

You mean you've been living with a woman for six months and you haven't shot

your mouth off about it?

I wanted to keep it a secret.

Why? When people see her, do they point and make rude remarks?

She happens to be extraordinarily beautiful. I have a photograph here.

Not bad.

Not bad at all.

Her name's Svetlana Petropavlovska.

Well, it doesn't matter.

She's from a little town just south of the Caucasus Mountains.

Well, I'm very happy for you, Clayton. You found yourself a nice Caucasian

Sveti loves me.

And I love Svedi.

Svedi, huh?

It's my nickname for her.

Svedi the ballet dancer.

Perfect.

Well, listen, if you're so much in love with this girl, why don't you marry her?

Then the committee wouldn't have a gripe. No, I can't. She promised her

that she wouldn't marry until they were safely out of Georgia.

Well, that's something I know about. My family's had trouble with Georgia, too.

Not our Georgia. Their Georgia.

Well, all these Caucasian states look alike.

Oh, Lana. What have I done to her?

Ben, what am I going to do?

Oh, you better do something quick.

Committee reconvenes in ten minutes.

I can't. I can't.

Is it true what I heard, that Clayton's been living with a dancing communist?

Yeah.

Rare to stare.

You ask him yourself.

Clayton, is it true?

She's not a communist.

Oh, good.

She wants to become an American citizen.

She's not a citizen?

No.

Well, does she have a green card?

She's an alien.

Clayton, she is from this planet.

Yes, yes, sir. She's knocking to the country.

Oh.

Well, how did she do that? You don't mean she swam.

Not waiting out there any longer. Now, what is going on?

Oh. Oh.

We're talking. We're trying to develop some strategy here.

You know, I have been suspecting there was something going on with Clayton. Do

you remember a couple of months ago he came in with red marks all over his

What do you mean, red marks? You remember, Clayton. You said you had the

Hives. Ha!

Those were Russian...

You're amazing, Krauss.

You're the only one I know who knows the nationality of a hickey.

Clayton. Yes, sir.

You know how I feel about you, don't you?

No, sir.

Good.

If you don't go back in there and face that committee, you're going to make

Benson and me look mighty foolish.

Oh, is that all you think about?

Yourself. Well, what about me? What about my inner turmoil? What about

What if I decide to leave public life?

What a tragic loss. What a waste.

What a break.

Scram, buster. Try the one down the hall.

All right, now, this is about enough of this.

That committee is meeting again in ten minutes.

Now, Clayton, you better move it. You're going to lose it.

Yeah, make up your mind.

Your decision.

Let's go to the next item on the agenda. Oh, here we are.

Order, please.

Well, I'm glad you could join us, Governor.

Oh, thank you, Sergeant.

Lieutenant Governor, it's apparent that your submission of the name Clayton

Endicott did not hit the mark.

As much as I hate to admit it, I'm afraid additional nominees will be

When you submit the names, would you at least be aware of their patriotism?

Senator Williams, I resent that.

While Clayton Endicott may be many things, his patriotism is beyond

Then why did he turn tail and run when the name Svetlana Petropavlovska was

mentioned?

Well, maybe that's the first time he heard it said out loud.

I also think he did that because he thought his relationship with her was

private, and frankly, none of your business.

Yes, it is a free country and it is nobody's business what consenting

and Americans do in the privacy of their own bunkers.

Senator, may I have a moment?

If you must.

Thank you.

What's it going to be?

Benson, I have nowhere else to turn.

need this job.

Well, if you need this job, stand up and fight for it. I'm not a fighter.

I'm a lover.

Well, lover, you're going to be unemployed if you don't stand up and

this job.

Enough time, Lieutenant Governor.

So?

Okay.

Mr.

Endicott, before this committee throws your name out, would you care to make a

comment?

Tell them the girl is not a spy and they damn well know it.

Right. That's good.

The girl is not a spy and you damn well know it.

Tell them if they want to poke their noses into people's private lives, they

should be detectives and not senators.

Right. Good.

Uh, did you hear that?

Yes, we heard that.

More, more.

Clayton, you have to do it yourself.

Speak from your gut. Speak from your heart.

Tell him what you want.

Senators, I want to be completely candid with you. I want to speak to you from

the very bottom of my soul.

I sincerely believe that. That's it. Go get him. My father could buy and sell

every one of you, and don't you forget it.

Can't I suggest... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Ladies and gentlemen,

all guard, members of this committee, senators, let me be

brief.

Please. Oh, please.

If I don't get this job, I can't go home for Christmas.

I'm sorry for what I said I didn't mean it

Oh, she's a Russian.

She loves me. No American ever loved me.

Don't ruin my life.

I call for a vote. All in favor of the nomination, say aye. Aye. The nomination

is approved.

Meeting is adjourned.

Mercifully, yes.

Oh, I knew that would

work.

What do you mean? You were faking it?

Always worked with my father.

I'm going to hold you responsible for the way Clayton does his job.

I'd like to submit the name of Fred Flintstone.