All language subtitles for benson_s05e12_the_governors_brain_is_missing

Uh, Clayton, don't rush off. The
governor wants to see you.

He's upset with me, isn't he?

Good guess.

It's because of what I said to that so
-called author he invited to dinner,

isn't it? That's two good guesses in a
row. I wish I had a prize for you.

I think you're going, Clayton.

I told her it's time to stay.

Don't bite my head off. I told him.

Sir. Clayton, don't you ever insult a
guest in my house again.

Sir, I was merely expressing an opinion.
The man writes drivel. I'm sure Benson

would agree. No, no, no, no, no. You're
not dragging me into this.

I'm out of here. Good night, Governor.

Now, wait a minute, Benson. Sit down. I
want you to hear this.

Clayton.

Don't ever pull a trick like that again.
A guest in my home is expecting

hospitality, not petty criticism.

Yes, sir, and please... Can it! Just get
out of here.

Go on.

I'll see you at 10 o 'clock tomorrow
morning.

Yes, sir. I want a full staff meeting in
my office.

Sir, good night, sir.

Good night, Benson.

Can I go home now?

I'm sorry.

I don't think I've been this angry since
Gregory Abbott sold tickets to see his

singing chicken.

Well, Clayton got to go home.

Good night.

Do you have a minute?

Do you know that I paid 50 cents for
that ticket? A whole week's allowance.

Of course, the chicken didn't sing.

Why didn't you get a refund?

Well, the duck went on instead.

A singing duck.

Oh, come on, Benson. Ducks don't sing.

I'm a dancing duck.

Doesn't mean very good dancer.

Sounds like petty criticism to me.

Good night, Benson.

Good night, sir.

Hello, Gene.

Congresswoman, nobody told me you were
here. No one knew. Agent Collins thought

of that.

How do you do, sir? Agent Collins?

What's going on, Barbara? I'll get right
to the point, Jean. I flew in from

Washington to personally escort you to
Camp David.

Camp David?

Am I meeting with the president? That's
classified, sir.

It's time to go, Jean.

Oh, well, I'll have to notify my staff.
Afraid not, Governor. National security.

We have a cover story arranged.

Oh, this is big.

Really? Do I have a code name?

Yes, sir.

Crossbow.

Crossbow. Oh, I like it.

We'd better get going. Crossbow. Oh,
Barbara, do you have a code name?

No. Oh.

Don't feel bad. Maybe next time, huh?

I'll show myself out, sir.

Roger.

It's your command.

Thank you, Collins. How do I look?

Perfect. Just keep a low profile till
noon tomorrow.

Noon? That's when Kacholnick arrives.

Oh, right.

Good luck.

Good morning, Governor.

Good morning, Governor.

Good morning. Good morning.

Is the morning paper here?

Yes, sir. It's on the table.

Oh, thank you.

Could you get me a cup of coffee,
Gretchen?

Yeah, sure.

Coffee break already, young lady?

Oh, oh, no, no, no. I'm working.

Someone take your desk?

I should be working at my desk.

You're right.

By the way, Governor, I really love my
job. It's the best job I ever had.

I'll be at my desk working.

You in a bad mood today?

Me in a bad mood? Don't be silly.

Would you like some breakfast?

No, thank you.

Morning, Krause. Morning.

Morning, Governor.

Morning, Benson.

Are we still on for that meeting?

Meeting. Meeting.

Oh, you mean the one at, uh... Ten o
'clock. Oh, no.

No. No, we'll have to reschedule that.

Ten o 'clock's no good. Hi, Daddy. Hi,
Benson.

Hi, Sugar.

Oh, well, good morning, Catherine.

What did I do?

He's in a bad mood.

In that case, I'm leaving.

See you later.

Kiss. So, when would you like to
reschedule that meeting? Uh, five o

Yes. Five o 'clock. That would be
perfect.

Boy, he's really in a strange mood.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Maybe he needs more fiber in his diet.

He barely said a civil word to me.

Oh, well, in that case, maybe he's just
wising up.

Oh, no, he's acting really strange.

Maybe it's like that outer space movie
where the president wasn't really the

president because his body had been
taken over by a lizard.

Don't look at me that way. I'm not
crazy.

This is my theory.

You are crazy. That's my theory.

Now, now, listen to me, Benson. There's
something very wrong with the governor.

Unless...

He isn't really the governor at all.

Maybe he's a double. I think your first
theory was closer.

You mean he's a lizard?

Well, there's one way to find out.

What's that?

When he comes down for lunch, offer him
a bowl of flies.

Who is it?

Guess. Ah, hello.

What can I do for you?

Well, I came by to tell you that I
rescheduled our meeting for 5 o 'clock.

Ah, good, good.

Fine. You are a good man, Benson.

And I'm glad to have you on my team.

Gee, thanks, coach.

I've got important news.

Ah, Collins. This is Benson.

Hi. Department of Agriculture.

Oh, great. Listen, I've got some figures
worked up on the farm subsidy.

Now would be a good time to go over
them. Not right now, Benson.

Maybe later. Uh -huh.

Well, you'll excuse me.

Oh, sure, sure.

Tough room.

Why do you move that first thing in like
that?

Your meeting with Admiral Kacholnick has
been moved to seven tonight.

It won't work.

That gal in the kitchen's already on to
me. Then you'll have to terminate her.

We don't terminate people.

No, no, I mean farer.

Oh, we do that all the time.

Okay, I'll deal with our other little
problem.

What's that?

Gatling's already on his way back.

Oh, great.

Don't worry.

We'll stop him at the airport.

Brenton?

I need a paper.

Sure.

No one can talk to Miss Krause the way
you do.

They can. They just won't.

She doesn't seem to be herself anymore.

How I wish that were true.

I think we need some new blood.

She's kind of tall. Ain't that going to
be expensive?

This is a serious matter. Could we
please dispense with the levity?

Oh, sorry.

What's the favor?

I want you to fire Miss Krause.

What? I want her out of the house by
this afternoon.

Why? What's she doing?

That's not something you have to know.

But, Governor... All right, I'll put it
in the form of an order. Get rid of

Kraus!

Let me just be sure that I understand
your theory, Benton. For a reason or

reasons as yet undetermined, a person or
persons as yet unknown has managed to

substitute a double for the governor
totally undetected. Is that basically

Anybody can make it sound silly,
Clayton.

If you actually believe that this little
spy thriller you've concocted has

merit, then you should seek
psychological counseling.

Or a publisher.

Don't you think it's strange that he
fired Krauss? Not in the mood he's been

lately. He'll reconsider and Krauss will
be back by Friday.

Giuseppe is a gardener. I'm here to
water your plants.

Kraus, what do you think you're doing?

How did you recognize me?

Your mustache gave you a wink.

Well, it was the only way I could get in
to see you since I was fired.

See, I figured out what is going on.

Does this have anything to do with
lizards?

Of course not.

The double is a spy.

Oh, really?

Yeah. Then who's he spying for?

The bad guys.

Now, who's he spying on?

Well, I don't have all the answers.

That's because you don't have all your
marbles.

Benson, I'm on to something.

Oh, what is it?

Is he with us?

I'm afraid so.

Denise, it's me, Gretchen. See?

What's happening? Oh, well, I was in the
kitchen when the stranger came in for

coffee. His name was Collins.

No, well, there's nothing there, Denise.
He's from the Department of

Agriculture. No, no, wait. That's not
all. He was wearing a gun in a shoulder

holster. Why would a guy from the
Department of Agriculture be wearing a

Maybe he's expecting a vegetable
uprising.

Wait a minute.

Maybe Collins is a spy, too.

Well, there's one way to find out what's
going on.

I'm going in to see the governor,
whoever he is.

These grapes are good.

I mean, this cross can make me a
sandwich.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Hank. Come on in.

Just want to tell you I was home from
school.

Did you miss me?

While I was at school?

While I was at Camp David.

You were at Camp David?

Oh, I wasn't supposed to say that. It's
a top secret.

Oh, it's okay, though, because you're my
daughter.

Maybe it's not okay. I mean, about the
secret. It's okay, you're my daughter.

Right, Dad. Yeah.

See you later. Yeah.

Come on.

Answer your phone.

Don't kill me.

Okay, pal, I don't know who you think
you are or what you're doing, but I'm

up and I want some answers.

Benson, is that you?

Oh, is that you, Benson?

Very clever.

Come on, Benson. Don't yell at me.

I just flew back from Camp David. I went
to sleep on the plane and got off at

the wrong airport.

And I had to rent a car and drive 128
miles without a bite to eat. And while I

was asleep, somebody stole my
cummerbund.

Stole your cummerbund, huh? Yeah.

Welcome back. For a minute, I thought
you were the other guy. What other guy?

Have a seat. Now, I got a story to tell
you.

Let me see if I understand this, Bunsen.

For a reason or reasons as yet
undetermined, a person or persons as yet

has managed to substitute a double for
me, totally undetected. Is that

it? Well, Governor, anybody can make it
sound silly.

Who is it?

Collins. Collins?

Wait a minute.

I have an idea.

Ask Collins to come in and play along
with me.

Come in, Collins.

I would like you to play along with
Benson.

What? What he means is, I've been
briefed. Yeah, Benson's been briefed.

you with us? Of course I'm with you, ma
'am. You don't think they briefed some

dude off the street, do they?

Okay, I'd better fill you in.

We got a break.

Apparently, Gatling missed the plane. So
by the time the next flight gets in,

we'll be finished with Kacholnick.

Kacholnick? Of course, Kacholnick.

Collins, you haven't been doing a very
good job. You better go over this again,

point by point.

Again? This guy can't remember anything.

I can remember a lot of things.

Why don't we just let him brief us?

And then we'll give you a test.

Oh, for example, Kachalnik's Russian.

Oh, very good.

Collins, will you fill me in? Wait a
minute, Benson. There's more.

Yeah, we know you know it, but let's see
if Collins knows it. His first name's

Ivan. Ivan. Ha!

Ivan. That's right. You got it right.

Yeah, well, now, let's let Collins do
one. He's an admiral. Is your name

Collins?

He's right.

Admiral Ivan Kachalnik.

He served with Gatling during the war.

Oh.

So, maybe you're the one that needs
briefing, huh?

Yes. Well, I guess I'm a little hazy.
Perhaps my briefing was too brief.

All right.

One last time.

At 1900 hours, I bring Kacholnik up here
to meet with an old friend.

You feed him the company line and
convince him to defect. When he agrees,

him away and you get out of here before
Gatling returns.

Let me ask you something, Collins.

I hear that this Gatling's a fairly
bright guy. I hear very bright.

Bright enough to zip it up?

Why don't we let Gatling meet with
Kacholnik? Because we can't rely on what

Gatling might tell him.

And it's important to have Kacholnick on
our side. So to make sure that that

happens, we're going to dangle a few
carrots.

You mean lie?

Of course they're going to lie. Where'd
you train, Camp Snoopy?

Not lies.

Enticements. You don't think freedom
alone would be enticement enough, do

Well, listen, I better be going. I got
to pick Kacholnick up in an hour.

What are we going to do?

Just what they want us to do.

You're going to meet with Kacholnik.

Okay, Pete, you know what you're
supposed to do. Yeah, I just have to

around for a couple of hours. No big
deal. I'm so proud of you, Pete. You're

brave.

Brave? You mean this might be dangerous?

The way you drive, it's always
dangerous.

Okay, now you two get out of here.

Oh, uh, Governor, the guy from the
Department of Agriculture wants you to

the Hotel Carlton in 35 minutes.

Call my driver.

There's no need, sir. Here he is now.

You look familiar.

Oh, yeah. Well, I got that kind of face.

Everybody thinks they know me.

All right, let's get going.

Good work, Benson. Thank you. Now, I'm
going to watch out front for Collins and

Katolik. Okay.

Right on time. You certainly are. Come
right in.

Good evening. I am Admiral Ivan
Kutrolnik. I'm here to see my old friend

comrade, Gene Gatling.

Admiral, why don't you make yourself
comfortable?

I'll go round up the governor.

I'm sure I can find one. They're all
over the place.

How do I get to my office from here?

Never mind. I'll find it myself.

Clayton, have you seen the governor?

Yes, he was searching for his office. He
went that -a -way.

What is it with him?

I've got to get there before him.

Boy, am I going to get a book out of
this administration.

Gee! Sorry for the delay, Admiral.

Well, let's get down to business.

You mean you're not going to tell me a
story first?

You want me to tell you a story?

I didn't know there was any way to stop
you.

Ah, you're here.

Where'd you go? Why did you send me to
some phony hotel?

Make sure he tells you the story about
the kangaroo and the preacher's

I've got to run.

Have you seen the... the governor?

Benson, I told you he... Hold him! Don't
let him get away!

Get that man! He's with them!

That's Krause.

He's a traitor!

I am a governor!

Come with me. I'll explain later.

Benson, wait!

Wait, wait!

We're talking bestseller.

I must tell you, Gene, you seem
different than the last time we met.

How? You seem so much more serious, so
much more political.

You're not a fun guy, I remember.

Oh, I'm still a fun guy.

You want me to tell you a joke? I'll
tell you a joke.

What is black and white and red all
over?

Pravda is a Russian joke.

Admiral, I got a surprise for you.

Ivan! What is going on here?

Admiral, these people wanted you to
defect.

And they were afraid that Governor
Gatling wouldn't tell you what they

you to hear. So they arranged for an
imposter. This is true?

Yes, it's true. And this man is an
imposter. Wrong!

This man is the imposter. Tell him,
Benson.

This is the real Gene Gatling.

Who are you? I don't know you from
Lenin.

Who am I? Who am I?

I am the man who can tell you that this
is the real Gene Gatling.

Tell him the story about the kangaroo
and the preacher's daughter.

I don't know that one, but... Does that
mean there's another governor out there

somewhere?

I know one about the kangaroo and
church.

That'll do.

Ah, well, you see, there was this
organist's daughter and... Wait a

you're right.

It was.

the preachers. But she didn't know it
was the kangaroo until after it was all

over.

Oh, I gave away the whole end of the
story.

Gee, I have missed you.

Well, Dubois, how does it feel to have
botched up a matter of national

Luckily, Collins, the security of this
nation is built upon the integrity of

people and not on dirty tricks. I
haven't botched up anything.

You interfered with an intelligence
operation.

Oh, they'll be sending you someplace
unpleasant.

Oh, don't worry, Ivan. Those birds can't
do anything to Benson.

This is true. You can't be punished.

Well, that's one of the nice things
about living in a free country. The

government is responsible to the people
and not the other way around.

In that case, where do I sign?

Go on. We'll talk about it over dinner.

Oh, I just realized.

That wasn't a kangaroo. It was a koala
bear.

I was in a bowling alley.

Well, we ended up with the same results,
Dubois. So?

No hard feelings.

No hard feelings.

Let me ask you a technical question.

How'd you get a double for the governor?

Oh, well, with enough advance notice, we
can prepare a double for just about

anybody. Oh, really?

What are the chances of getting a Jane
Kennedy by Friday night?

It's okay, Krause. Everything's been
taken care of. You mean everything's

to normal?

Except you.

Why can't you ever say anything nice?

Well, I'm just disappointed.

About what?

I kind of wanted him to be the real
governor.

Yeah, but if he was the real governor, I
would still be fired.