All language subtitles for benson_s02e07_bensons_groupie

Front desk?

This is Cabana 9.

Would you get my bill ready?

I want to leave first thing in the
morning.

Yeah, I know I'm leaving a day early,
but I've run into a personal problem.

Hi, Benson.

And here it is now.

Why did you leave the party? We were
just starting to limbo.

No, I ain't limbo enough to limbo.

Besides, that steel drum band was
beginning to loosen my inlays.

I know.

When you've heard one steel band, you
have heard them all.

You've heard one steel band, you can't
hear anything.

Benson!

Benson, you're not leaving.

I am? Well, why am I pecking?

You're trying to get away from me. Oh,
Casey, why would I do that?

Well, have I been coming on too strong?
Yeah, too strong, Casey.

You haven't let me alone all week.

Every time I come out of the pool, you
want to dry me off without a towel.

What you tried to do to me in the glass
bottom boat scared away the fish.

Every time I'm having a drink with a
nice normal girl, you come by and drop

room key in my rum swizzle. Why don't
you go back to what's -his -name?

Harold? No, the shark guy.

Oh, Gary.

No, the shark guy with the T -shirt that
said Olympic Necking Team.

Judge Thatcher.

Oh, he had to go back to Washington.

Come on, Benson, stay a little while
longer.

No.

I'm not a girl that takes no for an
answer.

You're not a girl who can give no for an
answer.

Well, can I help it if I'm hung up on
you? That's not my fault. I haven't done

anything to encourage you.

Well, sure you have. You've ignored me.
And you know how that turns me on. Come

on, Benson, stay.

If money's a problem, I'll pick up the
tab.

Casey, you pick up anything.

All right, then leave. I'll just have to
fly back with you.

Casey, you're not coming with me. You're
just like my second husband. He never

said what he meant either.

Well, we better say goodnight. I have to
go up and pack.

Casey?

See you on the plane.

You better bring a parachute.

Oh, the separation agreement says I have
to pay your living expenses, but it

doesn't say I have to support your
freeloading brother.

What do you mean? He has an office job
lined up as what, a paperweight?

Hello?

She's very sensitive for a girl with
thick ankles.

Hey, put that back!

How did you know? I heard your mouth
open.

I've never been to a religious
conference before. What should I wear?

A Joan of Arc wore armor.

Forget about your wardrobe, Governor.
For the next three days, this mansion is

going to be crawling with clergy, and
Marcy hasn't even given me a list of

names. Clayton.

Marcy, we are talking about the most
eminent religious leaders in our state.

Now, what do you suggest I say when I
meet them? Hi, guys.

Oh, I wouldn't, Clayton. One of them is
a woman.

I put the list on your desk.

Well, why didn't you say so?

Because you wouldn't let me get a word
in edgewise.

Here's your coffee.

Did you put anything in it?

Nothing you can trace.

Hi, everybody.

Staff meeting at three o 'clock, Benson.
Call your plumber. He won't fix a hot

water heater until you approve the
estimate.

Oh, yes, I had a wonderful vacation.
Thank you very much for asking.

Isn't the clergy have to be picked up at
the airport and Rabbi Weiss sleeps at

the board under his bed? The island was
terrific.

Palm trees and everything.

Benson, you have to assign all... the
guest rooms to the clergy.

Fortunately, the tidal wave put a damper
on the revolution.

There's a lot to do. Where would you
like to begin?

I'd like to begin by putting my bag
down.

Oh, Benson, I'm sorry.

We are delighted you're back. Well, of
course we are. Things have been so

around here. You look wonderful. You
really do.

Thank you very much, Governor. I feel
great, too. You know, if you want to go

a vacation...

Katie, how are you? Did you have a good
time?

How's the water? Did you step on any sea
urchins?

That's a yes, a cold, a no, and a maybe.
What's the maybe? What was your next

question gonna be?

Did you bring me anything?

Ah, there you go.

Maybe there's something on the back seat
of my car.

Thank you, Benson.

I missed you.

I missed you.

I'll get it for you.

Hello? Oh, yeah, just a second. Benson,
it's for you.

Just a minute, please.

A lady.

A lady?

Watch it doesn't melt your ear. All
right.

Yeah. Hello there. Yeah.

Oh, hello, Casey.

It was Marcy.

Marcy Hill.

She works here.

No, I wasn't trying to lose you at the
airport.

I was looking for my bag.

Would you all go on with your lives
without me for a moment?

Hello, Casey. Listen, I've got to go. I
don't have time.

No, I'm not coming over to your hotel.
You wouldn't dare come over here.

Casey, don't you dare come over here.
Hello?

A friend of mine might drop by.

If she does, don't let her in.

some hot stuff from the Capitol for the
go.

I bet you thought I was trying to sneak
past you. That's a laugh.

Oh, Benson, why am I the only courier
who has to drop his pouch here in the

kitchen? Because you're the only courier
trying to sell jokes to the governor.

I've got some topical ones. They'll kill
the holy men.

That's what I'm afraid of.

Come on, Benson. Do you know why a
priest crosses himself?

To get to the other side.

I went for each denomination, except
Lutheran. You know, I never met a funny

Lutheran. I never met a funny courier.

Did you hear about the rabbi who bought
himself a ranch, called it the bar

mitzvah?

Too Jewish?

Too Western. Too friendly.

Hi.

Morning, Benson. Morning.

Look, everybody, what just arrived. They
are long -stemmed roses.

Every time I had a fight with my ex
-wife, I'd send her roses.

To make up? No, she's allergic to them.

Well, Benson, aren't you going to open
them? But they are not for me, Marcy.

Oh?

They are not for you either.

They are for you, Benson.

What?

Will you want me to read the card?

Why, is it in German?

To that night in the glass bottom bought
10 ,000 kisses, Casey.

Hey, Betsy, va -va -voom.

Send them back. I will not. A woman
follows you 2 ,000 miles and then sends

flowers. What did you promise her?

I didn't promise her anything.

I met her at the pool. We had a few
drinks. I took her to dinner. She

to a party with some of her ritzy
friends, and I wasn't having a good

left. And that was that.

As far as I'm concerned, you're playing
it just right.

You keep denying everything.

Then I hope you're proud of yourself
breaking that woman's heart.

I didn't break her heart. I just told
her I didn't want anything more to do

it. That's letting her down easy.

A man once told me he didn't want
anything to do with me.

Oh, Gretchen, that must have been very
painful.

Yeah, it was my accordion teacher.

Aren't you going to answer that?

Nope.

Why not?

Probably a wrong number.

I bet he's afraid it's Casey.

Are you kidding?

Who you want to speak?

Hello?

Goodbye.

My father was a very good Christian.

Oh, it wasn't a matter of religious
preference, Rabbi. It's just that when

was born, he found himself surrounded by
Christians.

I guess he figured, hey, they got me
outnumbered. I might as well join them.

Perhaps I should explain, Rabbi. Don't
bother.

I know what you're saying.

If your father had been a Jew, he would
have been a good Jew.

Exactly. And you wouldn't be governor of
the state.

That reminds me of a very amusing story.

I hope it's not the one about the
priest, the rabbi, and the camel.

The priest, the rabbi, and the camel.

Governor.

Oh, well, maybe when we know each other
a little better.

Perhaps over lunch it seems to be ready,
shall we? Hope everybody's hungry. I'm

starved.

You know, I had a fraternity brother
once who almost became a minister.

What stopped him?

Prison.

What a stirring sight. An ecumenical
chow line.

You have to eat, Clayton. They're human
beings just like me and... Forget it.

The thing that frosts me is none of them
pay any property taxes.

Vincent, you have a...

Do they make you nervous?

Everything I've done wrong since the age
of three is rushing through my mind.

Anyway, you have a visitor. Your beach
buddy is here, Cassandra Turner.

She's here? In the house?

Cassandra's here?

I beg your pardon, your clergy -dom.

She's waiting in my office.

How'd she get in?

She told the guard she was a nun.

And he believed her?

Would a nun lie?

So, will you be out in a minute? No, but
she will call security.

Vincent, she just wants to talk.

You don't know her.

Well, of course I don't know her. I just
met her, but she's very sweet and she's

awfully attractive.

Yeah, on the first date.

Well, I think you're making a mistake,
but this isn't my affair.

And it's not mine either.

If you want me to butt out, just say so.

Butt out.

But she said if you wouldn't come out
and talk to her, she wanted me to bring

her in here to talk to you. You do it,
I'll kill you.

I said came to eat.

Fifth Commandment. One of my favorites.

He's right behind me. I knew he would
be. Casey, what are you doing here? I

couldn't resist your invitation.

I told you not to come over here. I read
between the lines.

I missed you, Benson.

Uh -huh. Uh -huh.

Is that all you have to say to me? I'd
like to say more, but there's a house

full of clergy here. You're playing hard
to get.

Should you rather be alone?

Makes no difference to me. I don't care.
Who knows how I feel about this man?

Oh, good. Then I'll stay.

Perhaps not.

Benson?

Okay, I can take a hint.

Casey, do us both a favor and go back to
the island. Well, I'm bored, and I

can't resist a challenge.

It's been a long time since a man said
no to me.

Don't do that!

Benson, I have a proposition for you.

Another one?

Well, this is a business proposition.

A friend of mine owns a three -paradise
hotel, and he'd like for you to go back

down there and run the place for him.

Oh, when did he say that?

Well, he hasn't yet, but he will.

I'm very happy where I am.

Oh, come on, Vincent. Say yes.

If you like the hotel, I'll buy it for
you.

Will you buy me Park Place in Woodwalk,
too?

I'm serious.

You're delirious. Where do you get that
kind of money?

I earned it fair and square.

Three husbands.

Well, spare me the details and say
goodbye.

Casey. Now, who's chasing who?

Listen, this is ridiculous.

Casey, stop!

Okay, you win.

I'm yours.

It's quite all right, Father. This girl
sprained her ankle. Did you, Casey? No,

my ankle's fine.

Well, it's a miracle.

I've heard of them.

Forgive me for interrupting you, but I'm
lost.

Could you tell me what Dr. Jimmy Slocum
is giving his lecture, the one called

Television, the 13th Apostle?

Oh, yeah, right this way, Father.

You go right down this corridor.

Uh -huh. Thank you.

Now, where were we? Well, we weren't
here, but you're going to be someplace

real soon.

Security, there's a Code 3 situation in
the governor's office.

Security? You're throwing me out? Oh,
no, no, no, no.

going to throw you out? You better call
them back. I tried to be polite, but

you... No, you're making a big mistake,
mister.

You're the one who's making the mistake.

Barging into the governor's mansion in
the middle of a religious conference,

showing no respect for me or my
colleagues. Benson, they're small

Really? Well, here come two big
potatoes.

This lady will be leaving.

Nobody throws me out. Nobody.

You're making a big mistake, Benson.
You're going to be sorry for this. I'm

warning you, you're going to be sorry
for this.

Now you did it.

Well, Benson, how much longer are you
going to dawdle over that menu?

Well, actually, Krause, I was going to
have roast beef for Friday night, but

Father Patton won't eat it, even though
the Pope says it's okay.

Reverend Achmed refused to eat anything
with a cloven hoof.

And Mahatma's refusing all food. He's
fasting until they take the train tracks

out of his country.

Well, I'm sure they will all enjoy
these.

What are they? Hot cross buns.

They should go over well with Rabbi
Weiss.

That's a surprise. Look who's here.

Hey, it's Governor Gatlin.

No, but beside me.

What's funny, she was right behind me
just a minute ago.

She? Huh? You said she.

Oh, I did?

Oh, darn.

Well, that's a laugh hint you'll get
from me.

Benson, be patient. I'm sure she'll be
along in just a minute. Who is it, sir?

You'll never guess. Then tell me. It's a
surprise.

So was Pearl Harbor.

I know.

Sir. I'm sorry, but I promised your
cousin I wouldn't tell.

My cousin?

I did it again. I said cousin.

Well, she was looking for you down at
the Capitol building, so I offered to

her a ride back. She wanted to surprise
you.

My cousin?

Forty short and plain?

No, thirty tall and fancy.

That's Casey. Where is she?

I don't know.

I'd love to help you look for her,
Benson, but I'm afraid the closing

takes priority over a family reunion.

Oh, so she's not related. She just wants
to be.

Never knew anybody who wanted to become
somebody's cousin.

Benson. Benson, I got it. Frankie, out.

Couldn't you at least listen? You think
it's easy coming up with Lutheran jokes?

There's a priest, a Lutheran, and a
camel.

That's a rabbi, Frankie. Good try.

And why would a priest and a Lutheran
ride a rabbi across the...

Have you seen Casey?

Is he here?

That's what I'm asking you.

Well, how would I know if I haven't seen
her? Have you?

No. Well, then what are we talking
about?

Forgive me.

How can I forget it if I don't know what
it was?

Looking for me?

Hi.

Out.

Is that any way to talk to your cousin?

Casey, I don't need this.

What are you doing here?

Well, I decided the only thing keeping
you from taking that position at the

Paradise Hotel is your job here. So I'm
going to do you a favor and get you

fired. Oh, yeah? And how are you going
to do that? I don't know. Put you in

sort of compromising position, I
suppose.

For instance, what if the governor were
to come in here right now and find me in

here with my shoes off?

He wouldn't care. He's seen feet before.
He's got two of his own.

Yes, but what if he were to find my
jacket thrown to the floor and wild

abandoned? Okay, that's enough.

And why did you ruthlessly rip off my
belt?

Of course, I guess you could try to
explain, but who would believe you? I

you look guilty already.

Vincent, they're on their way in here
for the closing prayer. Casey, what are

you doing here?

Can't you see?

Vincent is taking advantage of me. And
in a minute, I'm going to scream.

I may beat you to it.

Marcy, see if you can stall him. Well,
what'll I do?

I don't know. Start a bingo game.

It's too late. They're on their way in
here. What do I do? Oh, the closet.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. In the closet? Get
in there! You can still kiss this job.

Goodbye.

Ben's in the shoe.

How lovely to see you again. Dear Lord!

In your infinite wisdom, grant me the
strength to gather up these threads of

imprudence that have been cast upon me.

Good afternoon, Father.

Benson, do you always pray this way? Oh,
no, Father, just when I'm at work. For

it is written, work and prayer springeth
from the same bush.

Springeth from the same bush.

How could I have missed that one?

Is there something behind your back?

This must be a dust cloth. One of the
maids dropped it.

See that?

It worked. It's a dust cloth, all right.

Ladies and gentlemen, and lady.

Oh, Benson, did you find your cousin?
Oh, she's around here somewhere, sir.

I'd like to suggest that Rabbi White
lead the closing prayer.

He deserves the honor.

If we all got what we deserve, Yasser
Arafat would be a busboy at the fountain

glue.

Why don't you lead the closing prayer,
Father Patton? Why don't we compromise

and have a layman do it?

When I came into the room, I found this
man praying.

Benson? Oh, he caught me at it, sir. It
won't happen again.

I don't apologize. No, I'm delighted. I
only hope the rest of the staff will

follow your example in the future.

And now we will all bow our heads.

Dear Lord.

Oh, it's all right, Marcy. Benson
doesn't need any prompting.

Oh, you know, I have a great idea.

Why don't we take this out on the lawn
where God can see us? Great idea.

Don't worry. God sees everything.

He may not like it, but he sees it.

Joseph, why don't you step to the center
of the room and begin to pray? Oh, no,

Father. I can pray just fine right here.

With your back to the wall?

That's the best time to pray.

was a kid, you know, I was always late
for service and the church was always

crowded. The good old days.

So I always had to stand way in the back
up against the inquirer loft door. And

that's the only way I can pray now.

By all means, stay where you are. Yes.
And everybody else better do the same

thing.

Dear bountiful Lord, we humbly beseech
thee to clothe the naked as soon as

possible.

To cover them in a cloak of
respectability, for they are bearing

should, as everybody knows, or soon
will.

Amen.

Amen.

Oh, thank you, Benson.

That was very touching, moving, and
confusing.

Sir, I think it's time for everyone to
go to the patio for the group

Patio? I thought we'd take it in here.
No, we can't take it here. Why not?

Tell him, Benson.

Because this room is rectangular and the
patio is circular, and therefore when

it comes to posing the clergy, the first
shall be last and the last shall be

first. Good thinking, Benson.

That was even more confusing than his
prayer.

Well, you better hurry.

Oh, yes.

Before we say goodbye, I think we should
all go to the patio for the group

photograph.

Naturally, anyone whose belief forbids
photography is excused.

What are you going to do?

Board it up. Good luck.

You helped Daniel when he was in the
lion's den.

I hope you don't play favorites.

You're dressed.

Disappointed?

pleasantly surprised. Oh, I got a lot of
surprises for you. We've got to talk

about that. Sit down, Casey.

First off, let me say that I am
extremely glad I met you. Oh, that's

encouraging. This whole experience has
been very good for me. I learned a lot

from it. Oh, tell me more.

Well, I learned what I like in a
relationship with a woman.

I learned that I like to pay for dinner,
I like to send the flowers, and I like

to buy my own hotels.

Sounds like I did everything wrong.

Oh, no, not wrong for you, but wrong for
me. You see, Casey, for any other guy,

you'd be the catch of the day.

Well, let me rephrase that. You'd be a
great catch for any guy any day. You're

beautiful, you're intelligent, you're
great fun to be with in certain circles.

I'm just too square for those circles.
But I know that.

Give me time. I'll change you.

Oh, I don't want to change me. I like my
life. I finally got it down to where it

works.

Well, I'm glad for you, Benzie.

You deserve whatever little niche.

You can carve up for yourself.

As for me, I've got to get to the
airport. Where are you going?

Wherever planes fly.

Well, good luck. Good hunting.

Thank you.

I know when I've had outside help.

you're up there listening because I'd
hate to think I was standing here

to the ceiling.

I don't believe it.

What's the matter, Krauss? There are
three towels missing from the front

room. Really?

Isn't that where the Mahatma was
staying?

Now, why would he take three towels?

Maybe he thought they were hats.

In spite of all the confusion, I enjoyed
the conference. I heard some great

jokes. Did you hear the one about the
priest, the rabbi, and the Shetland

I thought it was the Lutheran.

Why would anyone want to ride a Lutheran
across the desert?

Get to the other side.