All language subtitles for benson_s01e23_the_army_wants_you

Hold it.

Do you work here?

Unless you know something I don't know.

Why? Because I can't wait any longer.

Ah, down the hall.

You misunderstood.

The time is now.

The world needs what I have in the palm
of my hand.

This is the car of the 80s.

Kind of cramped for long trips, isn't
it?

It's the scale model.

Got the real car at home.

Just think of it. A car that requires
absolutely no fuel.

You simply wind it up.

You got a one -ton wind -up car at home.

Fully equipped.

Radio, heater, white walls.

Of course, the size of the key is a bit
of a problem.

Not if you got big pockets.

You know, nobody else appreciates what
I've accomplished here.

No.

Even my friends say I'm crazy.

What are friends for?

Mr. Harmon, I thought you'd left.

I decided to come back and give the
governor another chance.

I'm sorry, Mr. Harmon. The governor
doesn't have any more available time.

Oh, well, that's really too bad. Because
the governor is really missing the

boat.

Boat?

Of course.

Both.

Why did he spring a leak?

How are you feeling, Marcy? Oh, the way
I always do when I have the flu.

My throat's sore, my whole body aches,
my head is throbbing, and I can't

breathe. You'll need relief fast, fast,
fast, fast.

Mark it off.

You must look awful, too.

Yeah, you do.

Well, that's a crummy thing to say.

Oh, well, I'm sorry. You look much
better.

Well, I don't know how. I feel terrible.

You know how lucky you are, Benson.
You're the only one of us who didn't

this bug.

Yeah, I get to do twice as much work.

This is for you.

Oh, it's from the Army.

Benson, this is official Christmas.

Could you let me see it, Marcy? I'll
give it right back.

This is greetings. The country's in
bigger trouble than I thought it would.

I see, for crying out loud.

You are hereby instructed to report to
Headquarters Fort Kincaid for an

immediate evaluation of your case.

Huh. Hmm, told you.

What do they mean by case?

Well, maybe they forgot to give me the
medal.

What case, Benson?

Were you court -martialed or something?

No, but I made private three times.

Benson, what do you suppose they want?

I don't know, unless they're still
looking for that jeep.

Thank you, Benson.

Do you have to keep doing that?

Well, sir, I have the flu.

I know. You gave it to me.

It clears my ears.

These medicine bottles are full.

I should hope so, from what the pharmacy
charged me. No, I mean you haven't

taken any of it. Benson, I can't stand
the taste of that stuff. I'm not going

take it.

Hey, I didn't invent it, I didn't
prescribe it, and I'm not your mother.

So if you don't want to get better,
don't take it.

My mother should have put it that way.

What is it, bossy? Oh,

put it on the chest.

Have you talked to the governor about
your letter?

No.

Nothing? How can you say it's nothing?

Sir Benson has orders to report to the
army.

Really?

He has what?

Oh, never mind, sir.

Well, I guess they just can't do without
you.

Yeah, something to do with his case.

What case? Was he arrested?

Governor, whatever it is, it's between
me and the army. Sounds to me like it's

something between Benson and the army,
Marcy. I can't interfere in anything

that. I'm not asking you to.

We're barely able to stay on our feet
for state business, and you want us to

involved in your personal problems? No,
I'll go down there tomorrow and take

care of it myself.

I hope you can understand my position,
Benson, but no way.

Hey, the truth, I'm a little surprised
that you'd ask such a thing.

Well, you can't blame a guy for trying.
Thank you so much, Matthew.

Excuse me.

Excuse me, Sergeant.

Okay.

Can I ask you something, Sergeant?

Take a seat.

I only got three pages to go.

Well, I don't want to break your rhythm.

Somebody here sent me this letter.

This looks like a mistake.

Has to be.

Is that how you spell immediate?

Uh -huh.

Sergeant,

what about this letter?

Go to room 208 and take your clothes
off.

Why, is there a party?

Hey, don't give me a hard time, huh?
Just go up there and strip.

Why? What kind of question is why?

One I picked up in civilian life. You
see, once you get out of the... and

somebody tells you to ram your head
through a brick wall, you're allowed to

why.

Well, I'm still in the Army, and I'm not
allowed to tell you why.

Are you allowed to tell me who is?

Sure. Major Burton.

Where's he at? I don't know.

Where's his office? Back there.

Is he there?

I don't know. The door's closed.

Well, have you tried knocking?

What good would that do if he isn't in
there?

Yeah, but suppose he is in there. Well,
if he is in there, then he doesn't want

to be disturbed.

How do you know?

Because the door's closed.

Medical company case, Sergeant Kingsley.

Yes, sir.

Very good, sir.

Right, sir.

He's not in there.

I know. That was him on the phone.

He won't be in for the rest of the day.

Well, when will he be in?

He didn't say.

Hey, I got a great idea for you. Why
don't you come back tomorrow?

Unless I don't.

But if I do and he's here, then don't
count on me seeing him.

But if he's not here and I don't show
up, there's a few things I want to tell

him. Gotcha.

I figured you would.

Yeah, well, you were bound to come down
with the bug sometime. Everybody else

has got it.

Just get yourself well. Don't worry
about cutting the grass.

If it gets too high, we'll rent some
buffalo.

Okay.

Feeling better, huh?

Much. Good. Then you can go to school
tomorrow.

I'll put it back.

I'm not feeling that much better.

Yeah, it sort of comes and goes, eh?

Yeah. One minute I feel fine, and then
the next minute, for no reason, I feel

rotten again.

Like when somebody mentions school.

I think I'll go lie down.

better than you did yesterday.

I was talking about my kitchen.

Oh, that looks better than it did
yesterday, too.

The least you could do is clean up after
yourself.

Gretchen, you didn't have to get up to
complain you were doing fine from your

bed.

Gretchen, you're up. You feeling better?

Yeah, a little.

I wish I could say the same.

Oh? Of course, you don't have it as bad
as I do.

I think I do, Gretchen. It's just that
in my job, I have to keep working.

If you had it as bad as I do, you
wouldn't be able to keep working.

Some of us have to get by on raw
courage.

You want law?

You should see my throat.

Yes, sir.

Marcy, tell the governor I won't be in
tomorrow.

Listen, I can't believe you're going to
go back down there without even knowing

if that Major's going to be there.

Oh, he'll be there.

Ah, Sergeant Kingsley, this is
regimental headquarters.

Tomorrow morning at 0900, there'll be a
command inspection.

You and Major Burleson are expected to
be at your desks, standing tall. Carry

on.

Tea, Marcy. Oh, thank you, Gretchen.

Listen, I'm sorry if I was a little
grumpy. It's just that I feel terrible.

That's all right. I understand, as I am
thicker than you are.

And you always will be.

Sergeant, it's 0900.

Are you sure they're going to have an
inspection?

I called all over the post, sir, and
everyone's denying it. So it must be

for open the door.

What is it? Are they here?

Who are you?

U .S. 521 -36045.

You can call me 5.

Oh, yes, yes. You must be one of them.
One of them what?

Uh, one of those who volunteered to
participate in the controlled exercise.

Volunteered? The only voluntary thing I
did in the army was with a whack and it

was far from controlled.

Sergeant, you should have shown him up
to room 208.

I tried, sir, but he wouldn't go.

Right. I don't take my clothes off for
just anybody.

What are you calling me down here for?

Oh, it's just a routine physical.

Look, when I left the Army, you and I
agreed never to see each other again.

What am I doing in here now? Well, as I
said, it's just a follow -up examination

for the men who served in Korea.

It's free.

Wonderful.

Now I'm free to go.

Yeah, but just let me ask a few simple
questions. Now, have you ever

severe headaches, fever, dizziness,
nightmares, or anxiety?

Once. When the enemy bombed my pup tent.

But not since then? No.

Good.

Most of the victims haven't been so
fortunate.

Victims? Oh, I mean participants.

Yes, it's not as though we've lost
anyone. I mean, not yet.

So far, we've just had to deal with side
effects.

Side effects from what?

Microbiological substance infiltration.

What the hell is that?

Germ warfare.

Hold it.

Back up a minute.

What has that got to do with me?

Well, according to our records, you were
with a group of men who were in a

heavily exposed area.

Are you saying they used germ warfare on
me over there?

Well, more or less, except it wasn't
over there and it wasn't them.

Well, who was it? Well, it seems that
you were exposed after you came back.

You see, while you were at Fort Clover
waiting for your discharge, your

were contaminated.

Well, how could that happen? It was a
top -secret experiment.

Nobody knew about it, especially the
participants.

Are you saying that the army
deliberately sprayed some stuff in our

that would make us sick?

Well, as far as they knew back then, it
was harmless.

Let me ask you something else. Anything.

How did I get to room 208?

You're jiggling the scale.

That's because my knees are shaking.

Can we get on with this?

All right. Now, if you'll just sit up
here on the table, you can relax.

I'll sit up here on the table, but I
won't be relaxed.

What I can't figure is why the army
would use germs on their own men.

Well, maybe it was a defensive maneuver.

They wanted to see if it would work on
the enemy.

I'm going to try not to think about that
while you're taking my blood pressure.

Now, did anyone in your family have
heart disease? trouble?

My Uncle Walter, for about 30 seconds.

What about you? Any irregular
heartbeats?

Not before I came in here.

Let's give a listen.

Testing, one, two, one, two.

A little humor there.

Well, the men enjoy it.

Not all.

That may be cold.

Corporal, we may have to take some more
blood.

We're going to have to take it for him
because he took all mine already.

Now then, tell me, does this hurt?

Doug, does it?

You can put your shirt on now.

Thank you.

How long will it be before I know if
I've got it?

As soon as the results come in, you'll
be the first to know.

Of course, if anything happens before
then... I'll still be the first to know.

Well, that's basically it.

Benson's still in the examining room.
General McBeattie said that there won't

any official word for a day or two.

Yeah, that's what they said.

But if Benson didn't have it, why are
they going to all this trouble?

Oh, my God.

I don't want to hear this.

Oh, now you don't want to hear this. But
if you hadn't insisted on calling

General Big Beattie, we wouldn't be so
depressed.

Now, look.

Benson is just going to get more upset
if we carry on. So let's just act

naturally, pretend everything's all
right until he wants to talk about it.

Lord, I think you're right. All right.

Hi.

Hi.

We're just sitting here having a cup of
tea.

You're drinking from Krause's cup?

always have a great sense of humor.

Rouse, you ever gonna get out of that
bathroom?

Perhaps. I am feeling a little better,
of course. I still have a long way to

Don't let me stop you.

Put it in a sock, Benson.

How could you?

You're supposed to act natural.

Sorry I took so long to get back, sir.
Oh, don't worry about that, especially

not at a time like this.

Time like what?

When you have Pure, usual, everyday
things to do.

So, how'd it go?

Okay.

Okay.

You hang in there, kid.

Boss, are you trying to tell me
something?

Benson, we know all about it. Yeah, the
governor called the army and found out

about the experiment.

So, what'd he say?

Would you like a cup of tea?

Oh, my God, I'm dying.

You are?

I don't know. You call the army. Well,
all General McBeattie said was it would

take a day or two before we got the
results.

So let's not hear any more talk about
dying.

Right. There's always that small,
infinitesimal chance that you weren't

exposed.

Absolutely. There's nothing to be
concerned about.

Of course not.

And you haven't had any of the symptoms,
right? So there's nothing to worry

about.

I'm sure you're always this warm.

What are you trying to do? Scare me to
death?

So I've got a headache and maybe some
fever, but that doesn't mean that I've

side effects.

Of course you don't.

You're going to be fine.

Just fine.

much for the bathrobe. Now I'll have to
get dressed.

Is there anything we can do for you,
Benson?

You can stop trying to cheer me up.

You didn't handle that very well, did
you?

See, when you really care about
somebody, it's very hard to hide your

I wish I could find the words.

There aren't any.

This is the man we've all been so
concerned about. This is General

commanding officer.

Yeah, I can see he's important.

He's got a quilt on his chest.

Good morning. I'm glad you could be with
us today.

Yeah, so am I.

Question is, for how long?

Oh, you've nothing to worry about.

You're going to live to see a free
China.

Absolutely. The test proved negative.
Ah.

Not a trace of toxic agent, but... But
what?

But you do have a touch of the flu.

Why'd you tell me that on the phone?

Well, because under the circumstances,
soldier, I wanted personally to convey

sincere apologies on behalf of the
United States Army for any inconvenience

may have cost you.

Oh, how thoughtful.

You must be feeling a lot better about
things now, huh?

Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm damn near overcome
with joy about being used as a human

guinea pig.

Well, wait just a minute.

We didn't pull you in off the street.
You joined up.

Yes, I did, and I'd do it again.

But one thing has nothing to do with the
other.

Well, you must have known there were
certain risks involved when you

Sure, but I didn't expect to get sprayed
by a giant can of rain.

No, no, no. I can assure you that the
Army does not conduct experiments in

manner any longer.

Furthermore, we were concerned enough to
call you in here and check you out.

But what if you had contaminated me with
that stuff?

Oh, well, we'd immediately put you into
a military hospital.

So you could experiment with the cure?

Now, listen here, son.

No, you listen, Dad.

It's bad enough you guys don't know what
you're doing, but you don't give a damn

who you're doing it to.

Now, that's insane.

And wrong.

But doesn't that matter anymore?

Well, for whatever it's worth, I hope
both of you get my flu.

results were negative.

I'm so sorry.

Governor, in medical terms, negative
means positive.

Oh, I always get that mixed up.

They said I'm okay. I just got a touch
of the flu. Oh.

about me.

Now, listen, Benson, you better go on to
bed.

I've got some medicine left over. I'll
go get it for you. You'll love it.

All right, Benson.

Art visit.

I can take it.

Are you going to die or what?

Well, let's put it this way, Krauss.

You know that little portable TV of mine
you like so much?

Yeah.

Look who's here.

No, thanks. I feel bad enough as it is.

You're so sick. What are you doing out
of bed?

Well, I thought it would help me to come
down here and watch you work a while.

A little fever, a little congestion.

You're called that sick?

Well, when you had it, you called for an
oxygen tent.

Well, Benson, what are you doing down
here?

Trying to get the energy to go back to
bed.

Come off it, Benson. We've all had it.
It's nothing more than the 48 -hour flu.

And I've got 24 more hours to suffer
through.

Look how pleasant he is, Taylor. Now,
you remember that next time you get

Well, I hope he keeps on smiling, sir,
because we have a very, very big

reception here tonight.

Well, I worked it out with the staff.

They'll take care of the reception, and
I'll take care of me.

But you are the head of the staff,
Benson. You are responsible personally

make sure that each and every one of the
guests feels welcome.

Well, when they get here, send them up
to my room. If I'm awake, I'll say hi.

Branson is videotaped before a studio
audience.