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1
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Hi, my name is Tamin Sirsock. Hi.
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Hi. Hi. Hi, my name is Tamin Sirsock and
I'm, um, my name is Tamin Sirsock
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and I'm reading for woman number three.
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Mom,
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I can't talk right now, okay? I
literally am trying to find an
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just saw a guy who says he's Buffalo
Bill with a penis tucked between his
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He puts the lotion on its skin, or else
he gets the hose again.
8
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Mom, why are you crying?
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Dad, why is Mom crying?
10
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We know!
11
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Dad, are you crying too?
12
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We know what you've done. Oh, my baby
girl.
13
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What have I done?
14
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Porn!
15
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Is that me?
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Holy shit, Paul! It's you, Tim, and it's
you.
17
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Oh, no.
18
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She's already fallen into the clutches
of an international porn ring.
19
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That's it. I'm sending you a ticket for
the next flight back to Sydney.
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Why is this happening to me?
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In all those years of... Private school
and piano lessons.
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And this is what it's all come down to.
Why is this always happening to me?
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Oh, dear.
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One second, guys, okay?
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Hi.
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Do you have a magazine called
Cocktucket? US, Australian or French
27
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All three, yeah.
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Oh, my God, guys.
29
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I mean, it is me, but it isn't me, but
it is me. They probably just found some
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picture on the Internet, and now I'm
promoting Circle Jack and Boo Cocky.
31
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Boo Cocky? Why would they advertise
Chinese food?
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The church group meets here every
Wednesday for Bible study.
33
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Thank you. And you can join if you like.
34
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Of course, you'll have to bring a dish
and nothing with too much salt or sugar.
35
00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:15,790
We have several members who have
hypertension or diabetes, and that was
36
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Matheson who had diabetes.
37
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He died eight or nine days ago.
38
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So sad.
39
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First they had to amputate his toe.
40
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Then it was his foot and his calf and
his thigh.
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There wasn't much left of him when we
buried him, bless his heart.
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No sugar.
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Check. And absolutely no loud music,
unless it's a hymnal. You know, grace at
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home is grace in the heart.
45
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Grace.
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Check. And I'm sorry, but no young men.
I must be firm about that.
47
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I happen to believe that a chaste woman
is a desirable woman.
48
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Why would you buy a car when you could
get the gasoline for free? You get my
49
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drift? No gasoline.
50
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Check. Ma 'am, I am pure as they come.
51
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Pure heart, pure soul.
52
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I am Australia's sweetheart after all.
53
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I think we would be the perfect roomies.
54
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Well...
55
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Welcome to my home.
56
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Oh, goodness.
57
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Is this you?
58
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Yes, it is me.
59
00:04:30,350 --> 00:04:32,310
But it isn't me, if you know what I
mean.
60
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Look at that gorgeous little hamster.
61
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Oh, my God.
62
00:04:45,650 --> 00:04:46,710
Is that...
63
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Are they trying to shove that... What's
happening?
64
00:04:51,890 --> 00:04:52,890
What's happening?
65
00:04:53,250 --> 00:04:54,250
What's happening?
66
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Ma 'am?
67
00:05:01,110 --> 00:05:03,370
Ma 'am? Ma 'am? Ma 'am? Hello?
68
00:05:03,930 --> 00:05:04,930
Hello?
69
00:05:06,250 --> 00:05:07,690
Can someone call 911?
70
00:05:08,370 --> 00:05:10,290
There's no one here. I have to call 911.
71
00:05:22,510 --> 00:05:24,290
What is going on here?
72
00:05:25,630 --> 00:05:26,630
What did I miss?
73
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I'm sorry, but the woman in apartment 11
has expired.
74
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Oh, my God.
75
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I killed her.
76
00:05:33,990 --> 00:05:35,170
How did this happen?
77
00:05:41,650 --> 00:05:45,150
Nice photo.
78
00:05:45,790 --> 00:05:48,790
But I don't think this is her copy of
Reader's Digest.
79
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My issue of Cocksocket Magazine.
80
00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:06,720
Okay.
81
00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:10,240
What happened?
82
00:06:10,260 --> 00:06:11,460
I thought she passed out.
83
00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:14,120
I think I actually killed her.
84
00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:17,440
Look, I was desperate to find
apartments, and everyone was worse than
85
00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:19,780
until I ran into Mrs. Granger, and she
was really lovely.
86
00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:23,220
Until she saw me on the cover of
Cocksocket magazine, and I didn't do
87
00:06:23,220 --> 00:06:25,460
things. I mean, I really, really love
fluffy hamsters.
88
00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:30,260
So here I am, literally homeless, out of
the country, out of time, with three
89
00:06:30,260 --> 00:06:33,720
months to prove I actually can make it.
I'm out of the will to even carry on.
90
00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:39,040
Now you probably think I'm some killer
and a freak.
91
00:06:43,660 --> 00:06:47,300
Okay, look, you're not going to believe
me, but I'm from New York, and I was
92
00:06:47,300 --> 00:06:48,800
doing a summer internship with the UN.
93
00:06:49,060 --> 00:06:52,740
We were building houses in Sumatra, and
one evening, an adolescent orangutan
94
00:06:52,740 --> 00:06:54,880
made his way into our camp and my tent.
95
00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:59,400
Now, what I thought was a dream about a
passionate night with Ed Sheeran was
96
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:01,320
actually an oversexed teen ape.
97
00:07:02,150 --> 00:07:04,510
exploring his interest in proctology
with my backside.
98
00:07:05,190 --> 00:07:08,410
Needless to say, the story went viral
with my colleagues, and I was forced to
99
00:07:08,410 --> 00:07:12,110
leave my position with my tail between
my legs, no pun intended, to start over
100
00:07:12,110 --> 00:07:16,450
here. To this day, I still cannot lose
the shape of you without getting total
101
00:07:16,450 --> 00:07:19,330
PTSD. And to make matters worse, the
monkey never called.
102
00:07:21,730 --> 00:07:23,890
That's, um... Inspiring?
103
00:07:26,050 --> 00:07:27,050
Brave.
104
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That's definitely... Brave.
105
00:07:30,970 --> 00:07:32,630
That you shared that story.
106
00:07:33,170 --> 00:07:34,870
I got a ton of those.
107
00:07:35,130 --> 00:07:39,330
My ex -boyfriend, he had a thing for
having sex wearing only trash bags.
108
00:07:39,570 --> 00:07:43,150
So for Valentine's Day one year, he got
me a box of hefty thin socks.
109
00:07:43,410 --> 00:07:45,890
Which, they're double reinforced. It's
actually really sweet.
110
00:07:46,710 --> 00:07:47,850
He just left me.
111
00:07:48,470 --> 00:07:50,550
For a girl who gets off on popping
balloons.
112
00:07:56,370 --> 00:07:58,790
I need a roommate.
113
00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:03,120
What do you think?
114
00:08:04,780 --> 00:08:08,460
I think I just found my new best friend.
8862
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