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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:55,080 We have indeed fought the brave fight to keep Cornbolts Village School open. 2 00:00:56,100 --> 00:01:00,040 It has been a fight fought with energy and vigour. 3 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:05,600 The authorities said there was no need for the school, but the motto of St 4 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:09,760 Cornbolts was always quality, not quantity. 5 00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:16,520 And looking out at all your young faces, I know that the battle was worth the 6 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:17,520 fight. 7 00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:23,260 I now call upon the headmaster to say a few words. 8 00:01:31,320 --> 00:01:33,040 Here we are. 9 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:39,580 Loved ones, parents, pupils, friends. 10 00:01:41,500 --> 00:01:43,480 A new term is about to begin. 11 00:01:44,660 --> 00:01:47,500 A term of challenge and opportunity. 12 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:52,260 In all my years in the ministry, I've never heard such a rotten, boring 13 00:01:52,500 --> 00:01:56,020 Shh, Philip, he'll hear you. Not his, mine. 14 00:01:58,360 --> 00:01:59,520 Onwards and upwards. 15 00:02:00,420 --> 00:02:02,920 Per ardua ad actra. 16 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:04,280 Through difficulty. 17 00:02:06,580 --> 00:02:07,840 The sky's the limit. 18 00:02:20,650 --> 00:02:22,990 I tell you, Emma, it was like an out -of -body experience. 19 00:02:23,430 --> 00:02:24,430 Out of what? 20 00:02:24,850 --> 00:02:25,850 Out -of -body. 21 00:02:26,010 --> 00:02:30,370 When my soul leaves the physical shell and hovers in the air watching me being 22 00:02:30,370 --> 00:02:31,370 played boring. 23 00:02:33,830 --> 00:02:38,090 Boring, boring, boring, boring, boring, boring, boring. 24 00:02:38,510 --> 00:02:39,750 Just plain boring. 25 00:02:40,210 --> 00:02:43,950 And I sat there looking at this dreary old twit droning at those poor 26 00:02:43,950 --> 00:02:46,410 defenseless kids and I thought, who the devil's this? 27 00:02:46,990 --> 00:02:49,690 Then I looked again and I thought, most of all, God, it's me. 28 00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:53,400 It's certainly the first time I've actually envied my feet. 29 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:55,020 What do you mean? They've gone to sleep. 30 00:02:55,860 --> 00:02:59,200 And they weren't the only ones. You've certainly written better speeches. 31 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:01,800 I shouldn't have had to write it at all. I mean, there was a time when I'd just 32 00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:04,880 stand up and whatever was in my heart, in my mind, would just sort of bubble 33 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:08,180 out. It has to be said, an equal amount of rubbish used to bubble out with it. 34 00:03:08,300 --> 00:03:11,120 Well, at least it was spontaneous rubbish. There's no excuse at all for 35 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:12,580 considered waffle. 36 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,740 Then why didn't you try bubbling this morning? 37 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:16,360 Well, frankly, I didn't trust myself. 38 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:19,500 I actually think that keeping that school open is a complete waste of time. 39 00:03:19,540 --> 00:03:22,790 What? If it was there for the local kids, I could see some point in it, but 40 00:03:22,790 --> 00:03:25,990 just catering for a handful of isolated middle -class children being made even 41 00:03:25,990 --> 00:03:29,230 more isolated middle -class. They should be in a real school where they have a 42 00:03:29,230 --> 00:03:30,870 chance to be bullied and miserable like everybody else. 43 00:03:32,290 --> 00:03:34,090 What's going on about this time? 44 00:03:34,350 --> 00:03:36,890 What do you mean? What's going on? I could hear you moaning halfway up the 45 00:03:36,890 --> 00:03:40,130 drive. I was not moaning, Miranda. I was simply expressing a vague 46 00:03:40,130 --> 00:03:43,310 dissatisfaction. Yeah, it's probably the start of the male menopause. 47 00:03:44,990 --> 00:03:45,990 The male menopause? 48 00:03:46,490 --> 00:03:47,490 Come back here, Miranda. 49 00:03:47,930 --> 00:03:48,930 What do you mean? 50 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:56,660 No, thank you. My state of mind has nothing whatever to do with a male 51 00:03:56,660 --> 00:03:59,840 menopause, or the female one, for that matter, has it, Emma? Not the female 52 00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:00,920 certainly. 53 00:04:01,420 --> 00:04:03,980 What's an article about middle -aged crisis doing in a teenage magazine? 54 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:06,060 Stuff that have to cope with you when you get it. 55 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:14,600 I don't moan that much, do I? No, no, you just express a vague 56 00:04:14,670 --> 00:04:17,930 every now and then. Well, it has to be said, Emma, that I'm not entirely happy 57 00:04:17,930 --> 00:04:21,110 with my lot. Oh, we're not a bad lot as lot go. 58 00:04:21,370 --> 00:04:24,690 I'm not talking about you lot. I mean my lot, my life, my career. 59 00:04:24,990 --> 00:04:27,150 You have a sense of futility. 60 00:04:27,950 --> 00:04:30,750 Yes. You think you've come to the end of the road. 61 00:04:31,570 --> 00:04:33,930 Yes. You feel you're in a rut. 62 00:04:34,470 --> 00:04:37,430 There's no escape, that life holds no more surprises. 63 00:04:38,290 --> 00:04:39,900 Yes. That's it exactly. 64 00:04:40,700 --> 00:04:44,020 You really are amazingly perceptive. Not really, Philip. It's all in this 65 00:04:44,020 --> 00:04:45,020 article here. 66 00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:48,820 And if it's not middle -aged crisis you've got, it's a jolly good imitation. 67 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:50,199 It is not. 68 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:51,200 Look. 69 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:53,040 Just forget it. 70 00:04:54,140 --> 00:04:55,140 What are you doing? 71 00:04:55,540 --> 00:04:57,380 Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear. 72 00:04:58,380 --> 00:05:00,220 These are all the golf clubs we have. 73 00:05:00,820 --> 00:05:03,720 It was all that was in the Jumbo sales. They look pathetic. 74 00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:08,930 Well, you only use one at a time, don't you? Well, I know that. Of course I know 75 00:05:08,930 --> 00:05:09,930 that. 76 00:05:10,610 --> 00:05:15,470 The point is, Major Andrews wants me to partner him this afternoon. 77 00:05:15,870 --> 00:05:18,690 Sir Monty Harris is staying with him and he thinks we can persuade him to donate 78 00:05:18,690 --> 00:05:22,450 some cash for a new church roof. You shouldn't let him bully you into these 79 00:05:22,450 --> 00:05:24,030 schemes. You haven't played in years. 80 00:05:24,530 --> 00:05:27,450 That's the whole point. Sir Monty likes to win. And with me playing against 81 00:05:27,450 --> 00:05:28,850 him... How could he possibly lose? 82 00:05:29,670 --> 00:05:30,670 Well, not that bad. 83 00:05:31,530 --> 00:05:35,270 Aren't you? There are plenty of players far worse than me. Yes, but they have 84 00:05:35,270 --> 00:05:36,590 the good sense not to play. 85 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:39,160 Shut up. 86 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:50,080 Philip! What the devil's keeping you? Oh, sorry, Major. My lace is broken. 87 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:51,620 never mind about that now. Look. 88 00:05:51,930 --> 00:05:56,270 If we want that new church roof, it's Michael Cimonte likes you. So, for 89 00:05:56,270 --> 00:05:58,090 heaven's sake, don't mention God. 90 00:05:58,950 --> 00:06:04,290 Would I be asking him for money if he wasn't? No, he's just sick of the 91 00:06:04,290 --> 00:06:06,350 or was dragging the Almighty into politics. 92 00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:09,610 But I told him you were one of the old school clergy. 93 00:06:10,530 --> 00:06:11,429 Am I? 94 00:06:11,430 --> 00:06:15,690 In fact, I said to him, if it wasn't for the dog collar, you'd hardly know he 95 00:06:15,690 --> 00:06:16,870 was a vicar at all. 96 00:06:19,530 --> 00:06:20,530 Hello, Philip. 97 00:06:20,570 --> 00:06:21,570 Hello, Bill. 98 00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:24,390 Sturmfuhrer Andrew, still telling you how to be a vicar, eh? 99 00:06:24,890 --> 00:06:27,770 No wonder you're thinking of leaving us for pastures new. 100 00:06:29,190 --> 00:06:30,350 Who told you about that? 101 00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:33,810 I'm treating the Archdeacon in Banbury for piles. 102 00:06:34,130 --> 00:06:35,710 That always breeds a certain intimacy. 103 00:06:38,010 --> 00:06:41,510 Can't say I fancy this new parish you've been offered, though. Sounds like a 104 00:06:41,510 --> 00:06:44,890 real inner -city slum. Oh, that's what makes it so attractive. In another few 105 00:06:44,890 --> 00:06:46,910 years, I won't have the energy for a challenge like this. 106 00:06:47,390 --> 00:06:51,330 What does Emma think about it? Oh, I haven't actually got round to mentioning 107 00:06:51,330 --> 00:06:54,870 to her yet. You feel her response might be something less than rapturous, eh? I 108 00:06:54,870 --> 00:06:57,630 don't want to worry her until I'm absolutely sure it's what I want. I've 109 00:06:57,630 --> 00:06:58,930 debating it with myself endlessly. 110 00:06:59,650 --> 00:07:01,750 What does the Almighty have to say on the subject? 111 00:07:02,210 --> 00:07:04,370 Well, communications between us have broken down recently. 112 00:07:05,690 --> 00:07:08,530 Then the golf course is the perfect place to re -establish it. 113 00:07:09,130 --> 00:07:10,130 Really? Oh, absolutely. 114 00:07:10,350 --> 00:07:11,610 I pray all the time out there. 115 00:07:13,630 --> 00:07:14,790 I didn't know you were religious. 116 00:07:15,030 --> 00:07:17,150 Oh, I'm not. But to improve my golf, I'll try anything. 117 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:44,580 I'm sorry to start you. Mrs Lamb? Yes. 118 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:47,120 I'm Alec Dugdale, vicar's warden of All Saints. 119 00:07:47,460 --> 00:07:51,400 Oh, how do you... how do you do? Or at least I would be if we had a vicar. 120 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:55,760 Oh, I'm afraid my husband isn't here, Mr Dugdale. Oh, he wasn't expecting me. I 121 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:57,960 just felt like getting out of Edendale for a while. 122 00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:00,540 Sorry? Edendale. That's where All Saints is. 123 00:08:01,460 --> 00:08:03,980 Reverend Lamb was offered it by the bishop over a month ago. 124 00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:07,800 And, well, we've heard nothing since, so I thought I'd come and lean on him a 125 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:08,800 bit. 126 00:08:09,100 --> 00:08:11,080 I'm not quite with you, Mr Dugdale. 127 00:08:12,239 --> 00:08:14,200 Philip's been offered your parish. 128 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,140 Oh, thanks. That's right. 129 00:08:16,620 --> 00:08:17,620 Didn't he kill you? 130 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:19,600 No. 131 00:08:20,220 --> 00:08:21,220 He didn't. 132 00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:22,439 Of course. 133 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:25,660 See what a beautiful parish you've got already. If he suggests moving, you'll 134 00:08:25,660 --> 00:08:26,660 probably kill him. 135 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:30,440 I'll probably kill him anyway, Mr Dundale. 136 00:08:34,780 --> 00:08:38,480 I lost the toss, so he's in a good mood to start with. 137 00:08:40,179 --> 00:08:41,179 Mount here. 138 00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:43,039 This is Philip Lamb. 139 00:08:43,860 --> 00:08:45,360 The Lamb of God, eh? 140 00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:48,760 This is my company secretary, Archie Dilforth. 141 00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:50,360 Here, you've a few slate clues. 142 00:08:52,980 --> 00:08:54,020 Oh, yes, 143 00:08:55,340 --> 00:08:56,340 of course. 144 00:08:57,060 --> 00:09:00,100 Sir Monty was actually christened in your church, I believe. Haven't been 145 00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:01,100 there since, of course. 146 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:05,920 Still, I might see my way to put a new lid on your God box. 147 00:09:06,620 --> 00:09:10,100 Well, that depends on the sort of mood I'm in by the end of this match, eh? 148 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:13,700 I did say you were rotten, didn't you? 149 00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:15,880 Abysmal. Good, sir. 150 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:17,440 Do you mind? 151 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,340 I'm sorry, everyone. 152 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:22,760 Sorry. 153 00:09:24,820 --> 00:09:25,820 Bad luck. 154 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,840 That was my practice week. 155 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:30,620 Yes, of course it was, Monty. 156 00:09:33,060 --> 00:09:34,060 Sorry. 157 00:09:43,790 --> 00:09:46,150 But mind if I take that again? I wasn't quite ready. 158 00:09:46,590 --> 00:09:47,770 Not at all, Monty. 159 00:09:50,430 --> 00:09:52,070 I think we're in big trouble. 160 00:09:52,530 --> 00:09:53,530 Why? 161 00:09:53,870 --> 00:09:55,150 He's worse than I am. 162 00:09:57,490 --> 00:09:59,150 Ah, that's more like it. 163 00:09:59,510 --> 00:10:00,930 Absolute scorcher, Sir Monty. 164 00:10:03,250 --> 00:10:04,490 Anyone see where it went? 165 00:10:08,130 --> 00:10:09,890 Sorry this has come as a bit of a surprise. 166 00:10:13,770 --> 00:10:14,769 Thanks for the tea. 167 00:10:14,770 --> 00:10:18,070 You still haven't told me what happened to your last picker, Mr Dugdale. 168 00:10:18,350 --> 00:10:20,730 Oh, lovely man he was. 169 00:10:21,130 --> 00:10:22,490 With us for 12 years. 170 00:10:23,310 --> 00:10:24,770 Passed over 18 months ago. 171 00:10:25,110 --> 00:10:27,030 Oh, I'm so sorry. 172 00:10:27,510 --> 00:10:28,510 So was we. 173 00:10:28,570 --> 00:10:30,390 Of course, we'd seen it coming for quite a while. 174 00:10:30,710 --> 00:10:32,350 Had he been ill for a long time? 175 00:10:32,690 --> 00:10:33,930 No, he'd been drinking a long time. 176 00:10:34,670 --> 00:10:36,090 I never missed a service. 177 00:10:36,430 --> 00:10:39,130 Even though there were times when I had to hump him into the pulpit. 178 00:10:39,870 --> 00:10:41,390 I was all very fond of him. 179 00:10:41,740 --> 00:10:45,860 I'm sure you were. I'm just surprised that they gave your parish to someone 180 00:10:45,860 --> 00:10:46,860 a drink problem. 181 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:48,820 Oh, before he come to us, he never had one. 182 00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:54,540 What are you playing at, Philip? 183 00:10:54,780 --> 00:10:57,440 Golf. Well, no, it's pretty awful. It's a damn sight better than some Monty 184 00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:58,560 Deppers. Exactly. 185 00:10:58,780 --> 00:11:01,460 You're trying too hard. I'm not trying at all. Ah! 186 00:11:01,860 --> 00:11:03,240 What? Just find my ball. 187 00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:05,300 Right. 188 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:08,260 He's not looking at the moment. Hit it that way. 189 00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:10,720 What? We're all square. 190 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:14,500 But if you lose this last hold, Sir Monty will win the match. 191 00:11:14,900 --> 00:11:16,420 Come on, come on. 192 00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:21,540 Remember, if you want that new church roof, botch this next shot. 193 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:23,400 Coming, Monty. 194 00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:38,140 God, this is the best I can do for you. 195 00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:55,220 God only knows, Major. 196 00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:01,940 The most amazing thing happened on the golf course. Something pretty amazing 197 00:12:01,940 --> 00:12:02,940 happened here, too. 198 00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:04,960 It was like a sort of... a sort of sign. 199 00:12:05,260 --> 00:12:07,520 I had more than a sign. I had a visitation. 200 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:13,820 The poor chap from Edendale, claiming to be vicar's warden of all saints, said 201 00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:15,860 you'd been offered the parish down there. 202 00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:20,100 Obviously, if there's any truth in it, you'd have told me straight away. So I 203 00:12:20,100 --> 00:12:21,160 gave him some tea. 204 00:12:21,530 --> 00:12:24,370 Made all the right comments and sent him away happy. 205 00:12:25,950 --> 00:12:28,350 Now, what happened on the golf course, darling? 206 00:12:28,710 --> 00:12:31,830 By the way, Peter made these biscuits at school today. Did you know he's taking 207 00:12:31,830 --> 00:12:34,870 cooking instead of pottery? Not that there's much difference in the end 208 00:12:35,430 --> 00:12:39,510 I didn't want to worry you until I was absolutely sure it was what I wanted. 209 00:12:39,810 --> 00:12:42,350 And now you're sure? Yes, I'm absolutely, absolutely sure. 210 00:12:42,670 --> 00:12:43,670 At least I think I am. 211 00:12:44,390 --> 00:12:47,710 And are you planning to consult the rest of your family about any of this? Well, 212 00:12:47,730 --> 00:12:50,230 of course I am, and you have every right to be angry. I'm not angry, Philip. 213 00:12:51,399 --> 00:12:56,640 Hurt, confused, betrayed, perhaps, but not... Not angry. 214 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:01,240 Supper! 215 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:08,100 Emma, they need me at Edendale. And we need you here. Oh, who needs me here? 216 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:11,420 Apart from our faithful little band of locals, more people turn up for the 217 00:13:11,420 --> 00:13:14,480 rubbing that attends the services. The place is like a graveyard till Friday 218 00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:18,420 lunchtime. and it suddenly fills up with au pairs, volvos and corgis. It's not a 219 00:13:18,420 --> 00:13:21,520 village any more. It's Sloane Square in the marsh. Every home's a second home. 220 00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:25,140 Well, this is our one and only. And neither wild horses nor menopausal males 221 00:13:25,140 --> 00:13:26,720 will drag me out of it. Emma, please. 222 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,560 We'll continue this after supper, Philip. I don't want to upset the 223 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:30,719 What about upsetting me? 224 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:31,720 Hi, Dad. 225 00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:35,600 Not those disgusting biscuits again. 226 00:13:36,220 --> 00:13:37,640 You haven't had one yet. 227 00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:40,580 And I don't intend to unless they're a stomach pump handy. 228 00:13:41,300 --> 00:13:42,300 Charming. 229 00:13:43,310 --> 00:13:44,750 Did you make the bread, Mum? Yes. 230 00:13:45,090 --> 00:13:46,570 Hmm. Thought so. 231 00:13:48,290 --> 00:13:52,090 And just what's wrong with it? I didn't say there was anything wrong with it. 232 00:13:52,130 --> 00:13:53,150 Then why did you say so? 233 00:13:53,490 --> 00:13:55,090 I recognised it from last time. 234 00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:57,610 This soup smells delicious. 235 00:13:57,870 --> 00:14:00,930 First Peter's biscuits and now my bread. Really delicious. 236 00:14:01,230 --> 00:14:03,350 Peter, don't read comics at the table. 237 00:14:03,570 --> 00:14:05,570 It's not a comic. It's a new computer magazine. 238 00:14:05,870 --> 00:14:08,150 I don't care if it's the New Testament. Put it away and join in the 239 00:14:08,150 --> 00:14:09,150 conversation. 240 00:14:10,670 --> 00:14:12,770 Conversation. Mum's made more bread. 241 00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:14,640 Not again. 242 00:14:15,540 --> 00:14:18,380 I think the bread's wonderful. In fact, it's only surpassed by this delicious 243 00:14:18,380 --> 00:14:19,380 homemade soup. 244 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:20,400 It's out of the packet. 245 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:25,000 Is it? Is it? Well, it's still very delicious. 246 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,000 Then? What? 247 00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:30,280 The conversation. 248 00:14:34,580 --> 00:14:35,860 Don't read at the table. 249 00:14:36,460 --> 00:14:40,400 Emma, Emma, if you want to fight, don't waste time on the warm -up box. The main 250 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:42,920 contender's right here. I don't want to upset the children. 251 00:14:43,370 --> 00:14:45,870 Don't mind us. If you want to fight, go right ahead. 252 00:14:46,230 --> 00:14:48,450 I hope it's more interesting than the conversation. 253 00:14:50,430 --> 00:14:54,950 Right. All right. All I ask is that you put the situation in as objective a 254 00:14:54,950 --> 00:14:55,849 light as possible. 255 00:14:55,850 --> 00:15:01,890 For the past months, your father has furtively been scheming to uproot us 256 00:15:01,890 --> 00:15:05,730 this beautiful village with its wonderful old vicarage and gardens and 257 00:15:05,730 --> 00:15:10,670 us down to a parish so ghastly its last incumbent died of drinking no same... 258 00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:19,769 for objectivity. 259 00:15:19,770 --> 00:15:20,910 Where is this parish? 260 00:15:21,130 --> 00:15:24,050 Oh, it's about 100 miles from here, one of those new towns 20 years ago. It's 261 00:15:24,050 --> 00:15:26,050 called Edendale. Don't let the name fool you. 262 00:15:26,270 --> 00:15:29,530 They give you the key to the city if you can find an unvandalised phone box. 263 00:15:30,510 --> 00:15:33,750 It's just a possibility I'd like to explore, that's all. It means meeting 264 00:15:33,750 --> 00:15:37,290 church council, having a chat with everybody. Sorry, Dad. I think it's a 265 00:15:37,290 --> 00:15:40,070 idea. That goes ditto for me also. 266 00:15:41,410 --> 00:15:44,050 I'm sorry too, Philip, but you're on your own in this. 267 00:15:44,570 --> 00:15:47,150 I know you've been miserable these last few months. 268 00:15:47,470 --> 00:15:50,370 But I'm damned if we're all going to be miserable with you. 269 00:15:52,650 --> 00:15:53,650 Excuse me. 270 00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:02,670 Emma! 271 00:16:03,030 --> 00:16:04,590 I was lying about the soup! 272 00:16:11,550 --> 00:16:15,390 Elliot? Oh, I'm in here, Major. Oh, there you are. Did you get my message? 273 00:16:15,790 --> 00:16:17,950 What message? I left your instructions with Emma. 274 00:16:18,350 --> 00:16:21,230 I've managed to persuade Sir Monty to come to morning service. 275 00:16:21,610 --> 00:16:24,070 So just make sure your sermon's up to scratch. 276 00:16:24,390 --> 00:16:27,990 Up to scratch? Try picking it up with a few references to the Prime Minister. 277 00:16:28,410 --> 00:16:29,850 Sir Monty's dotty about her. 278 00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:32,750 Oh, no, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to change my sermon just to suit the whims 279 00:16:32,750 --> 00:16:33,750 of your friend. 280 00:16:34,030 --> 00:16:37,970 Now, look, Philip, we need that new roof. So you impress him, or we may need 281 00:16:37,970 --> 00:16:38,970 new vicar as well. 282 00:16:39,110 --> 00:16:40,830 Come on, Dad, you'll be late. 283 00:16:42,090 --> 00:16:43,610 Matthew 7, 18 to 20. 284 00:16:44,250 --> 00:16:48,930 What? Matthew, chapter 7, verses 18 to 20. That's the lesson, isn't it? 285 00:16:49,130 --> 00:16:51,030 Yes, yes, that's right. Well, I'm reading it. 286 00:16:51,430 --> 00:16:52,430 Good. 287 00:16:53,550 --> 00:16:54,930 Make a change on the riot act. 288 00:16:56,530 --> 00:16:57,530 Nothing? 289 00:16:59,690 --> 00:17:06,650 A sound tree cannot bear evil fruit, nor a bad tree good fruit. 290 00:17:08,329 --> 00:17:12,069 Thus, you will be known by your fruits. 291 00:17:14,990 --> 00:17:16,190 Here endeth the lesson. 292 00:17:18,790 --> 00:17:24,990 We shall now sing hymn number 444, omitting the third and fourth verses, 293 00:17:25,230 --> 00:17:27,730 Loving Shepherd of Thy Sheep. 294 00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:04,790 If we have them, who is to judge if they are good fruits or bad fruits? 295 00:19:06,650 --> 00:19:09,550 I'm quite crazy when it comes right down to it. Who gives toughness one way or 296 00:19:09,550 --> 00:19:10,550 the other? 297 00:19:12,390 --> 00:19:15,470 My wife just advised me to get up here and bubble. 298 00:19:17,050 --> 00:19:19,070 I think she means I should speak from the heart. 299 00:19:20,490 --> 00:19:22,090 I don't know how seriously she meant it. 300 00:19:23,250 --> 00:19:26,070 Because what's in my heart is a frightful sense of loss. 301 00:19:26,910 --> 00:19:28,750 Not of faith, but of purpose. 302 00:19:32,010 --> 00:19:33,310 Have any of you been down to the pub recently? 303 00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:39,590 The bar was a couple of barrels with a plank across it, and they only served 304 00:19:39,590 --> 00:19:40,590 three kinds of beer. 305 00:19:40,690 --> 00:19:41,930 Mild, bitter, and legless. 306 00:19:42,670 --> 00:19:45,510 And they served 50 different kinds of beer, and all of them disgusting. 307 00:19:47,310 --> 00:19:49,930 And it's all wood panelling and horse brasses. 308 00:19:50,270 --> 00:19:54,670 And in the half, summer or winter, they've got this gas log fire. 309 00:19:55,730 --> 00:19:57,990 It looks very good, but of course the logs don't burn. 310 00:19:58,310 --> 00:19:59,810 It doesn't give off much heat either. 311 00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:02,120 But the landlord was delighted with it. 312 00:20:02,420 --> 00:20:04,540 It doesn't smoke and needs little or no attention. 313 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:09,020 And then I realized I had a lot in common with those fake logs. 314 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:14,840 I don't burn much anymore, don't give off much heat, need even less attention, 315 00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:16,100 and I've been a non -smoker for years. 316 00:20:17,540 --> 00:20:20,060 In fact, I'm not even sure I'm still combustible material. 317 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,240 But I'd like another chance to find out one way or the other. 318 00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:26,440 I used to think of myself as a firebrand. 319 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:30,500 Now I'm afraid I'm little more than a damp squib. 320 00:20:43,980 --> 00:20:44,980 Hello. 321 00:20:47,020 --> 00:20:48,020 Hello. 322 00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:51,140 Did I make a complete fool of myself? 323 00:20:51,380 --> 00:20:52,380 Absolutely. 324 00:20:53,180 --> 00:20:55,420 But at least you weren't boring. 325 00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:57,720 No, I wasn't, was I? 326 00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:01,520 You know, I actually felt a sort of flicker of the old flame again. 327 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:04,740 I'm glad I mislaid that sermon. Oh, you didn't mislay it, Philip. 328 00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,000 What? I tore it up. 329 00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:08,999 You did what? 330 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:10,000 I tore it up. 331 00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:12,580 You tore up my sermon? Yes. 332 00:21:13,020 --> 00:21:14,020 Why? 333 00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:17,240 Yes, it was a stinker, wasn't it? 334 00:21:18,420 --> 00:21:22,120 Emma, I've got to get out of this parish before my brain shrivels to the size of 335 00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:23,120 the major's golf balls. 336 00:21:24,540 --> 00:21:25,449 Please, look. 337 00:21:25,450 --> 00:21:28,710 Come with me to Edendale. No, Philip. It'll be a new environment. No. A new 338 00:21:28,710 --> 00:21:29,970 challenge. No. A new me. 339 00:21:30,750 --> 00:21:32,450 What the devil do you think you're doing? 340 00:21:32,710 --> 00:21:34,130 I'm kissing my wife, Major. Any objections? 341 00:21:34,450 --> 00:21:38,990 I mean in the pulpit. Sir Monty's driven off in a furious rage, so bang goes our 342 00:21:38,990 --> 00:21:39,689 new roof. 343 00:21:39,690 --> 00:21:41,330 I'm sorry I didn't manage to mention the Prime Minister. 344 00:21:41,530 --> 00:21:45,450 It's what you did mention that did the damage. I suggest you sit down and write 345 00:21:45,450 --> 00:21:47,030 him a letter of apology at once. 346 00:21:47,550 --> 00:21:48,730 The hell I will. 347 00:21:49,010 --> 00:21:52,370 I beg your pardon? If he didn't like what I said, he can shove off. What? 348 00:21:52,570 --> 00:21:54,050 And come to think of it, you can shove off too. 349 00:21:54,410 --> 00:21:57,130 If you know what's good for you, Philip. If I knew what was good for me, I'd 350 00:21:57,130 --> 00:21:58,170 have told you to shove off ages ago. 351 00:21:58,390 --> 00:22:01,810 In all my years as Vickers Wharton, I've never been spoken to like this before. 352 00:22:02,130 --> 00:22:03,390 That could be part of the problem, Major. 353 00:22:05,010 --> 00:22:06,010 Right. 354 00:22:08,430 --> 00:22:11,330 My God, I enjoyed that. Yes, I could see you did. 355 00:22:11,610 --> 00:22:14,030 Well, why the digging should I apologise to Sir Monty for heaven's sake? 356 00:22:14,370 --> 00:22:15,370 You mean you don't know? 357 00:22:15,790 --> 00:22:16,790 What? 358 00:22:16,870 --> 00:22:19,050 Fifty kinds of beer and all of them disgusting. 359 00:22:19,730 --> 00:22:23,610 What's that got to do with Sir Monty? It's his brewery owns the pub in the 360 00:22:23,610 --> 00:22:25,210 village. Oh, my God. 30047

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