Original subtitles

He got the looks and I got the donuts.

This is local cable news award -nominated reporter Dale Davis coming to

from the Gilroy Pier.

With me is Mayor Ron Donaldson with an earth -shattering announcement. Mr.

Mayor. For years, this pier has been an eyesore, a gathering place for low

-life, disease -carrying rodents and skateboarders.

That's why next week when I'm re -elected as mayor, I'm going to bulldoze

pier and replace it with condos for the city's elite.

Like me.

Yeah, tear it down.

Don, don't you get it? Ron is going to bulldoze the pier.

Yeah, it's about time.

Your donut shop is on the pier.

Darn right it is.

Don, your brother is going to tear down your donut shop.

Oh, crab cakes, you froze again.

Thanks, guys. What happened?

You froze when we told you that your brother was going to tear down your

shop.

Wait.

Don't tell me, dude, you won't believe what happened. Yes, no, maybe. Don't

forget that I'm a genius. Are you crazy? Someone could be listening to us. Wait,

don't tell me. Not again.

Would you just calm down? Is there a problem?

Let's get a pizza.

And then we'll act like nothing ever happened. Calm down. It's only Tuesday.

We'll get a pizza.

And hope that no one overheard us talking. Calm down. Cause I'm a genius.

It's only Thursday.

And by tomorrow, we'll have everything just fine.

I can't believe they're going to tear down Don's donut.

Yeah, I'm so mad I could kick something.

I mean, we've had a million great memories there. Great people, good

Spanx! Okay, Don's is like a second home to me.

Interesting fact, I was actually born there.

Sure he was.

Another interesting fact, I was born in a restaurant too.

A sushi place while my parents were vacationing in Japan.

Check it out.

You don't feel Japanese.

Luth, that doesn't even make any sense. Besides, I'm not Japanese. I was just

born there.

Point is, Don's means a lot to us, so we gotta do something.

Because if that stinking mayor thinks he's gonna tear down our hangout, he's

gonna have to tear me down with it.

I admire the passion.

Long live Don!

That's right, man! You sure about this, Luth?

Yeah, bro, definitely, okay? I've seen some hippies do it in a movie one time.

They chained themselves to a tree to save some dumb old rainforest.

Long live God!

I don't think you thought this one through.

Hey, I'm Ron Donaldson.

Don't forget to vote.

Donaldson for mayor. Appreciate your support.

Hey, Ron Donaldson, how you doing? Hey, pass these out to your friends, would

ya?

Hello. Donald. Hello, Ronald.

Saw your announcement on the TV box.

You think you can tear down my shop and do whatever you want just because you're

smart and good -looking?

Well, I can't help it if I'm photogenic.

Um, Mr. Mayor, with all due respect, nobody is going to vote for a guy who's

going to tear down the pier.

Yeah, of course they will.

I'm the only one running.

You,

sir, are a butt -swagger.

You guys gotta help me out!

What do you want us to do, Don?

Well, I thought since you're the most popular skaters in town, maybe one of

could run for mayor.

Don's idea was nuts, but it was possible. In Gilroy, there's a law that

16 -year -old kid can run for mayor. We've got all sorts of crazy laws.

For instance, it is illegal to eat corn on Sundays.

You're not allowed to swear at a fish.

Clowns are forbidden from playing the violin.

Point is, someone needed to save Don's donuts, and I was just the guy for the

job.

Don, your troubles are over, because I'm running for mayor!

No offense, but I was kind of hoping it'd be him.

Yeah, bro, let me take this one.

This whole chaining yourself to the garbage can was great and all, but you

always think things through all the way.

What are you talking about, Cap? Always think things through.

Okay, point taken.

Attention, everyone.

Zeke has an announcement to make.

That's right, everybody. I'm going to run for mayor and save Don.

Hey, I'm Zeke. Vote for me. Hey, I'm Zeke. Vote for me.

Here you go, ladies.

Don't forget to vote on Tuesday, and my number is on the back.

What? Just in case you want to talk politics.

Now, a message from your mayor.

John, Ron's got a commercial.

Hi, I'm Mayor Ron Donaldson with an important message for you, the Gilroy

public. Now, I'm not one to badmouth my opponent, but Zeke Falcone is a

despicable person. Just ask one of his closest friends.

In third grade, Zeke Falcone stole my fish sticks.

You hear that? My opponent is a thief.

Sure, yeah, it's true. I mean, he... He traded me half of his sandwich, but he

didn't even bother to cut the crust off.

That bus waxer's lying. I did cut the crust off.

Gilroy, do you want a monster like Zeke as your mayor?

I don't think so.

I'm Ron Donaldson, and I approve this message.

He's Kojo against us? He's fighting dirty.

And I say we fight filthy.

No shadows for a week?

Actually, I was just thinking we'd make our own ad.

All right, I'll work.

Hello. I'm Zeke Falcone, and I'm running for mayor.

Leave now, kid.

Anyway, a lot of nasty things have been said about me lately. But now, after a

nice talk with his mom, Kojo's ready to set the record straight.

I'm not saying anything.

Oh, Mom!

Okay, okay.

After further consideration, I lied.

Zeke traded me fair for my fish sticks.

And he did cut the crust off.

There you have it. So cast your vote tomorrow for Zeke Falcone.

Now, since we still have some time left in our commercial, my associate will

smash some things with a sledgehammer.

I'm Zeke Falcone, and you better believe I approve this mess.

Well, everybody, the results are almost in. I just want to say we did some good

campaigning. We worked hard, had some fun, and hopefully we'll pull out a win

and save Don's.

Bro, so I was wondering, you know, if you win this thing, if you can put me in

charge of something.

Yeah, you name it, bro.

Wow. Director of bulldozers.

Well, it's just because you have a license to drive heavy machinery doesn't

it's a good idea. Do you remember what happened last time?

Yeah, my bad.

Sorry, Luth, no bulldozers, but I'll tell you what. If I win, I'll make you

deputy mayor.

That sounds important.

Hey, everyone, they're announcing the results on the TV box. And in a record

turnout for Gilroy, dozens of voters cast their ballots for your new mayor,

Falcone. Oh, you did it, you're better.

You're better.

More important.

Holy crap, Case, I'm the mayor.

I even get to wear the mayor's hat.

And, as promised, I made Luther my deputy mayor.

Why? Do I get a hat?

No. You get a sash.

Oh, there you go. Sweet.

Do you know what deputy mayors get to do?

Diddly. No, no, seriously, it actually says that.

I didn't even know that was a real word.

Bang.

I know what Mayor Zeke said.

Oh, Luther, don't touch the bulldozers, okay? You never think things through. Go

ahead and do diddly.

Well, now, I am thinking things through. And that bulldozer is a safety hazard.

Someone needs to move it off the pier. And I nominate me.

As mayor, I'm making a few new laws for our great city.

First, I'm adding a new day to the weekend called Smatter Day.

Second, bus waxers are forbidden within city limits.

And finally, my most important new law. I'm declaring Don's Donut a place of

historic awesomeness.

If anyone lays a finger on this place, they will get ten years in jail.

And now, I will sign it into law.

so that Don's will stand forever.

Wow. Luther's done some knuckle -headed things, but this takes the cake.

I run for mayor so I can save Don's from being destroyed, and Luther plows into

it with a bulldozer.

Everybody remain calm.

Chrissy, help me get Don out of the rubble.

I'm not doing that job.

It's rude.

Okay, Don, I promise I'll find a way to fix this.

Well, Mayor Zeke, if I'd known this was how you were going to save Don, I would

have voted for you myself.

Let me know when you're ready to resign.

Bro!

Bro!

Oh, come on, bro, they're locking me up!

I'm too pretty for jail!

Rolling a bulldozer down the pier.

Didn't see how that might be a problem.

Maybe I didn't think things all the way through.

Exactly. You never do, which is why I said absolutely no bulldozers.

But I remember that sort of being like a gray area.

It was never a gray area.

All right, fine.

We'll say it's both our faults.

Good thing I got a best bro as a mayor and get me out of here, right?

I'm sorry. I just passed a lot of things.

If someone wrecks Don's, they go to jail. I don't know if I can undo this.

Come on, bro. There's got to be some loophole.

Well, you find one.

I'm all for it.

Look, here's some jerky. I'll be back. I've got to go deal with this Don

situation.

But how long is that going to take?

Great, so I wreck one historic landmark, and you leave me in jail to rot.

Okay, well, I'm going to be fine in here all by myself.

No.

All right, fish.

I like to keep this place tidy.

So you drag any dirt on my side of the cell, and I'm going to use your face to

clean it up.

What if I have to use the potty on your side?

You got your own.

This is bad. All right, I got to find a way out of here.

Who are you talking to? I'll tell one.

Hey,

I don't get it.

There's never been a toll booth in this parking lot before?

Exactly. Everybody shops at the Gilroy Galleria, and we're going to charge them

two bucks to park here in order to raise enough money to rebuild your shop.

Wow. We can do that? Why not? I'm the mayor. I can do anything.

Okay, here comes a car.

Let me show you how it's done.

That'll be two bucks.

See? See if you got it.

Two dollars a car?

Yeah, two dollars a car.

Got it.

Okay, good luck. I'm going to go up the late feet of the library to 50 bucks a

day.

That'll be two dollars.

Two dollars?

That's ridiculous, Julio. Sorry. New city policy.

And don't think you're getting away without taking your money.

Huh?

Hey, I'm not the bad guy here. I'm just doing my job.

And you are doing a mighty fine job at that.

Thank you.

Fucker, are you fish?

Stop conversating!

Sorry.

So, uh... What'd you do wrong?

Nothing. I was at my job waxing butts.

You're a butt waxer? Yeah.

Over at the high school.

I was arrested under one of the new mayor's stupid laws.

So you got thrown in jail for being an actual...

Bus waxing.

You think that's funny? No, sir.

You wanted to see me, Luther?

Oh, look, I will do anything to get out of here, okay? Look, he won't help me.

I'm listening.

You again?

You've been through here 20 times today.

Oh, yeah. I was just hitting up the day -old cell at Cheese Depot.

Just give me my two bucks.

So, Don, how we doing? Good.

Almost out of money.

What?

You've been giving the money away? Don, you're supposed to be collecting it.

Dale Davis, coming at you live from the slightly terrifying Gilroy County Jail

with some important breaking news.

Former Mayor Ron.

I have it on good authority that Zeke Falcone was never eligible to be mayor

Gilroy. It's true, Dale.

See, there's a law that says our mayor must be a Gilroy -born citizen.

And what's your point, disgraced Deputy Mayor Waffles?

Well, Zeke wasn't born in Gilroy. He was born in Japan.

Consider this reporter shocked.

What are you doing?

You heard it here first, folks. Zeke Falcone must step down as mayor, and all

his laws are hereby revoked.

I, for one, will miss Smatterdays.

This also means I can continue my plan of tearing down the pier.

You

did

good, kid.

Here's your money.

Well, guess I'm out of here, you lousy bus waxer.

Have a nice life.

Hey!

All the laws changed.

I'm out of here, too.

Alrighty,

we'll start by bulldozing the rest of this place.

I want my condo to have a nice, clean view of the ocean.

Ron, dude, you are out of control.

You know, it's one thing to mess with your brother, but to turn my best friend

against me, that's low.

Yeah. You really crossed the line this time. For your next birthday, don't

expect any donut cologne.

Or the donut on a rope.

That's good.

Whatever.

Oh. And since you're not the mayor anymore, I guess this puppy belongs to

Not so fast!

Article 37B of the Gilroy Bylaws states that if a mayor is kicked out of office,

his deputy mayor takes over.

with the sash, suckers.

I'm mayor, baby! Yeah!

Woo!

Wait, wait. You did all this just so you could be mayor?

Oh, no, of course not.

Get it saved on.

Check this out.

Should be enough money to fix this place up, yeah?

Where'd you get all that?

Your brother Ron paid me top dollar to rat out V.

What? Wait.

Thanks for the money.

Brother! Bro, you did it.

Awesome, man!

Now aren't we tossing through?

Mayor Butter?

You may.

So,

in the end, I was mayor for five hours and twelve minutes. And it turns out

Luther's parents won't let him be mayor at all. But, until he names a

replacement, he's having fun messing with some heavy machinery.

Okay, bro.

I'm ready to get down now.

All right, bro.

Take a pizza break.

Okay, I'll get it.