Original subtitles

What's up, people?

I'm Diamond Jim Dantley.

But you already know that.

Once again, Dantley Skateboards is proud.

No, no.

Honored to partner with Don's Donuts.

Hi, everybody.

Don will be hosting the All Hands on Deck Contest. Yeah!

Sorry. The new Street Warrior.

All graphite deck 100 times stronger than wood, but oh, so much lighter.

Four and a half ounces lighter than last year's Street Warrior. That's right.

Man, I've been having sweet dreams about this baby. Well, keep on dreaming,

because I'm going to win this, which is why I had moms make me this special

carrying case made of the finest Corinthian leather.

You smell that.

Get, get, get, get, get.

Now, Mr. Don Donaldson will go over the rules for tomorrow's contest.

Do it up, Don, and do it nice.

The rules are simple.

Whoever keeps their hand on the board the longest wins.

Now there will be no shoving, poking, gouging, pinching, tickling, spitting,

slapping, whacking, smacking, shellacking.

It's a test of stamina. You get hungry, dizzy, and you have to use the bathroom.

That's why I'm wearing my secret weapon.

Super absorbent.

Watch.

And finally, no fake hands to hold on to the board with.

I'll take that. Thank you very much.

Hey, Mom.

Oh, that's right. Aunt Janet's having a baby. That's great.

Aunt Janet pops out a couple of kids every year.

Nice.

So you and Dad are driving up there?

Ginger sit?

Ginger sit tomorrow?

But I'm in a contest tomorrow. Can't Aunt Janet have her baby next weekend?

Bro.

Dang.

Wait, don't tell me. Dude, you won't believe what happened. Yes, so maybe.

Don't forget that I'm a genius. Are you crazy? Someone should be listening to

us. Wait, don't tell me. Not again.

Would you just calm down? Is there a problem?

Let's get a pizza and then we'll act like nothing ever happened. Calm down.

only Tuesday.

We'll get a pizza and hope that no one will ever hear us talking. Calm down.

Cause I'm a genius.

It's only Thursday.

And by tomorrow we'll have everything just fine.

Here's how it's going down. I'm the boss, the head honcho, the sultan of

No shenanigans, like last time.

What? Poochie and I went to the beach. In Mexico.

Olé, Mexico!

I mean, thanks for the postcard, but just know this time, it's not happening.

I'm keeping an eye on you, and you're not going anywhere.

What do you care what I do? I don't. I just don't want to get in trouble with

Mom and Dad again.

Well, don't worry. I have a flute recital next week.

Fine. Good.

I look forward to seeing you as little as possible.

I know what you're thinking.

How am I going to be in that contest if I have to keep an eye on Minnie Munch?

Well, I have a plan.

A plan so crazy, so bizarre, that it just might work.

Cork it, Minnie Munch.

Not bad, Oz.

But you've got to say it more irritated.

You've got to feel it, Oz.

Oz, you'll be my eyes and ears.

I'm just a cell phone call away.

Now try the next one.

Get lost, runcicle.

Get lost, runcicle.

Okay, look.

This is Ozzie Kephart. Okay, it's not going to work. He's a doorknob. Excuse

I heard that.

Won't Ginger take one look at him and know who he is? Bro, Ginger and I may

in the same house, but she doesn't give me a second look. Just watch.

Oh, Ginger, could you come in here real quick?

What?

Torch it, Fleabite.

Stop it, monkey breath.

Slow down.

We know we've got five -minute bathroom breaks.

Oh, yeah.

I won't need them.

Fuckers.

Ten.

Nine.

Eight.

Seven. Hold it!

Ah, pretzels. Get the plump.

What are you doing here?

Little history on Dois and Charlie Plump.

They're mean, and they come from a family of barbers.

Yeah, and they think it's funny to harass kids and give them haircuts.

Here they got us right before seventh grade picture day.

Wow.

Three, two, one, go!

You know, boys, I'm glad you showed up. Up top.

You know it.

Hey, you're up!

tricked me charlie you numbskull who gets knocked out in 10 seconds 10

it was five check your watch step away from the board

nobody punks a plunk i just did

amateurs what are you laughing at you're on my radar dude next time we see you

it's gonna be haircut time snip snip

Dude, what are you doing? The plunks, and now you've made their lift.

I don't care.

Nothing's gonna stop me from winning this board.

Okay, meditate.

What's up, Ozzy? As requested, Captain. Reporting for duty. Hold on, my galaxy's

under attack!

On dock!

Ozzy, are you playing another one of your stupid video games?

Stupid? My brethren from four continents are linked online, ready to fight to

the bitter end. Is that...

Stupid. Yes, it's very stupid. You're supposed to be watching Ginger,

Oh, Ginger.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's playing some sweet flute music.

Beethoven's Fifth played to perfection, I might add.

Attack! We're under attack!

Maputo, behind you!

Maputo, now!

Medic!

I'm mad at you.

Kojo, you want to tell me what you're doing?

A lot of balls.

I'm not it. Don, he's breaking the rules.

Rules prohibit centipede bugs, potato bugs, and bat poop, but there's nothing

here about big hairy spiders.

Pays to know the rules.

I'm sugar and spice.

I'm not it and nice. I'm not it. I'm not it.

Not it.

So break it down now.

Luther. I'm not it. Luther.

Break it down.

Break it down.

Break it.

Yeah.

I'm going to tell you something, but don't freak out. You can tell me

I'm loose.

Lucy, girl, who's there?

Spider.

Where? Left shoulder.

You're out, Luther.

It is over for you, okay?

Because now I am committed to making sure my hombre wins.

What do you want, a falafel?

Pillow? Greek food? Name anything. No, no, you know what would really help me

out is if you go check on Ginger. She's crafty, and I think Ozzy's lost in

space.

Done. Thanks.

I'm watching.

supposed to be helping the nooblings that came at us from all sides okay all

right okay it'll be okay we will live to see another day game over weirdo

ginger wait your brother's been looking for you what the who

are you where's ginger stay right there a professional flute

guy she paid him Okay, did Ozzie have any idea where she might be? Any idea at

all? I'm right here.

Done. A dozen soy glazed.

To go.

Ginger, this is not cool. You're supposed to be home. So are you.

What are you going to do about it?

Oh, you can't stop me. If you just let go of the board.

Closer.

Closer.

Watch out!

There you go, Ginger.

I'll put it on your tab.

Thanks, son.

Bon voyage.

Ginger, I'm sorry I can't pick up my phone right now. I'll get back to you.

Ginger, it's me again. Get your butt home now.

I'd be worried about your sister, too.

It's been over an hour.

She could be lost.

In a ditch.

There's that really creepy guy flipping that foam sign off the Nimitz Freeway.

Zeke, being an older brother is a huge responsibility.

If I were in your shoes, I'd leave right now.

I know what you're doing, and it's not gonna work.

I'm winning this skateboard.

I had you for like a second!

I'm using this new underarm deodorant called Fresh Guy. Look, I don't give a

snot, okay?

Rollerball and spray.

Gel. Oh, nice.

Waffles. And Kephart.

Noice and Charlie Plunk. Hello, gentlemen.

Don't worry, I'm in control here. Don't do anything stupid.

When did we see you last, Ozzy? About six weeks ago.

Looking a little bit shaggy.

Yeah, you are.

I am looking quite shaggy. Whoa!

Put that thing away, Ozzy. It's Javarian power.

You can't do that.

Oh, baby blue.

Ozzy?

Run! Okay.

Oh,

Luthor.

Who's that?

I don't know his name.

Her name. Sorry.

I've been running from the plunks all day, okay? I ran to a chicken farm.

All right.

Well, now I need your help, okay? Ginger is still missing, okay? I need you to

check the bus station, the train station. Wait, wait, wait.

Have you been listening?

Okay, the plunks are on a warpath, man. Look, they got Ozzy. It couldn't have

been that bad.

Well, it's dead.

I'm not going out there.

Oh, the plot thickens, Doctor.

What you gonna do?

Ginger is 10 going on 40.

She's smart, scrappy, and afraid of nothing.

She's probably okay. She's definitely okay. I don't even know why I'm worried.

I'm going to have to ask you to step away from the board.

Well, I won.

I won the board.

Why?

Why?

Because I'm her big brother, and I have to make sure she's okay.

So I can wring her neck.

Hey, look. Wait, wait, wait. You can't go out there, okay? The plunks are out

there, and they want you bad.

Bad.

I don't care.

Go Joe!

Congrats, man!

Too much, too much, too much.

The Deadly Street Warrior is all yours.

I want to thank all my folks at Deadly, my family, my agent, and

all my female ladies all across the globe. I go alphabetically.

Abigail.

Alicia, Angela, the other Angela.

Hey, gentlemen. What a pleasant surprise.

Very pleasant.

Deep condition once a week. Could you just hurry it up?

We'll get to you soon enough.

His sister, he was babysitting her and she ran off. Do you mind taking a little

off the top? Shut your pie hole!

How old is she?

Ten. Ten?

That's a little young to be out on her own.

There's some real unsavory types out there. Wait a minute, Dwight.

Didn't we see that little girl pulling a suitcase?

A suitcase?

That's her.

Right. Little girl.

Shoulder length. Mousy brown. She'd be great with highlights.

Yeah, yeah. Where'd you see her?

Walking up Crescent Road. Crescent Road?

She's at Poochie's.

You should call her.

You should call her. It'll put your mind at ease, and then you guys can enjoy

your haircut.

See, we have a sister, Carmen.

She's a pain in the keister, but... We love her.

Yeah, that's great.

She's in trouble.

All right, forget the haircuts.

Let's get to Poochie.

Hello, Magruder residence.

Poochie speaking.

Hello?

Poochie, this movie's a stinker. Let's do something else.

Traits?

We cannot go in there. We should call for backup.

Backup? What backup?

Okay,

look, it is ugly in there, okay? We can't just waltz in there.

Battering ram.

We can use Charlie as a battering ram.

I'm Charlie.

Guys, that's ridiculous. We're not using anyone as a battering ram.

Looks like you're safe and sound. Of course we're safe and sound, you doofus.

were playing charades.

Charades? We're up for charades.

Or we could just leave. Yeah.

There's Mom and Dad.

Here they come.

I need to know one thing.

You gave up that skateboard to come looking for me. Why?

Because... Because I didn't want to get in trouble with Mom and Dad.

Okay, I just wanted to make sure it wasn't that, you know, you actually

about me.

Heck no.

Because then you'd have to thank me for being a cool brother.

Which could lead to all sorts of nonsense.

Like hugs.

Or remembering each other's birthdays.

You're March 6th.

April 7th.

But I'm touched you came that close.

Come on, let's go say hi to Mom and Dad.

Oh, again with this break in? Come on, give me a break. I do shower once a

And now I gotta thank my female ladies, continuing with the M.

Margie and her sister Myrna.

Uh,

Maureen.

Oh, you lock up.

I'm heading home.

Um, and of course Mercedes.

Can't forget her, you know.

Moesha, Nancy, uh, Narnia, uh, Nathanielisha.