Original subtitles

(Old film noise)

When your entire life has been erased...

When everything you thought was real, is a lie...

You have two choices...

Accept your destiny, or just... die!

And I will take

What you make

The understanding's so so fake

And I'll wait, till you know

That a true love never lasts for long

This time...

You can break, what you make

You may think you take the best of me

But I'm cold from this pain

And you're the one that takes all the blame

Who am I?

Who am I?

(Instrumental)

(Birds tweeting)

(Alarm clock sounds)

(Running water)

(Footsteps)

(Toaster pops)

(Phone beeps)

Shit!

(Harbour ambient noise)

(Camera clicking)

(Loud sound of bag unzipping)

(Dramatic mysterious music)

(Music continues... birds tweeting)

(Engine starts)

(Loud running water)

(Dramatic music continues)

(Gun noise)

(Running water)

(Noise from photo being picked up)

Hello?

Shit!

(Loud noise of photo dropping)

Is somebody there?

(Dramatic music fades out)

I thought I told you to be inconspicuous!

Well now how am I supposed to do that, when I sound like this... (American accent)

And we in sunny old England?

You look like a tit!

Why thank you ma'am.

I guess I should thank you!

What for?

The Priest assassination. Talk of the town!

The underground town...

Oh great! Well it wasn't easy...

I had to read the Bible for two fucking months before I went in.

Really? Was it the... children's edition?

Kiss my arse Logan!

Is that an offer?

You know, Priest... he was a legend, almost like a super villain

Police, Assassins, Agents...

We've all been after him for years.

You did the world a favour!

Yeah, well I doubt I'll be on the New Year's honours list.

Did he have Ninjas? I heard he had Ninjas!

No...

Oh... (Disappointedly)

He had psychopathic virgins with knives.

Well that's pretty cool!

I think I saw a movie called that once.

What?

'Pychopathic Virgins With Knives'

Oh...

Don't make 'em like they used to

Some people do!

Anyway what's the problem kiddo?

She is.

Well now, she don't look like a problem

She looks kinda... nice.

I know. That's the problem.

And since when did that become a problem?

Come on girl you know the rules, target's a target.

Yeah I know... but,

There are no buts here sweetheart

Or did you get too close?

Well it's not like we went shopping together or anything.

You're an Assassin, not a Detective

It don't matter who she is or what she does

Mother, Daughter, Sister... all three,

You find the bitch and you kill the bitch!

This ain't never been complicated.

Something doesn't feel right this time, something doesn't add up.

Well maybe you need to stop thinking about this so much

Or maybe, you just don't have what it takes no more.

Fuck you Logan! I'm great at what I do.

Okay, I'm sure there's a hundred dead guys would agree with that.

But... if you don't finish this job, maybe somebody finishes you.

Gotta ask yourself, is it time to get out?

Well you got out. How did you know it was time?

This ain't about me

Besides, maybe I'm looking to get back in

I mean I could kill her right now, I do not have a problem with this

But clearly... you do.

Like I said, maybe it's time to quit.

Maybe, the priest thing pushed ya'll over the edge?

What would you do?

I think I just told you.

I was being serious.

So was I

Do you have everything you need? I mean financially.

Yeah... I'm good.

Kill her!

Then walk away.

(Background noise... voices)

(Steam noise frothing milk)

Here's your coffee madame.

Oh! Thanks.

Can I get you anything else?

No... no I'm fine thank you.

She's gorgeous isn't she?

Sorry?

Your friend, over there?

Oh come on Darling, you haven't taken your eyes of her since she walked in.

Oh! You think?

Sssshhhh...

Don't worry sweetheart, I won't say a thing.

Target's a target

You find the bitch and you kill the bitch!

Gotta ask yourself...

Is it time to get out?

You don't have what it takes no more.

Maybe it's time to quit.

I never quit.

That bitch is mine!

(Daunting music... birds tweeting)

(Footsteps)

(Dog whimpering)

(Gun noise)

Looking for me, Bitch?

Whoah, easy... now why would I be looking for you?

Because you've got a gun in your hand and you've been following me for days.

You're a bit fucking shit at the whole covert thing!

Maybe I am losing it.

What?

Nothing.

Come on then, drop the fucking gun.

That's better. Now we can talk.

I'm not here to talk...

I'm here to kill.

Die Bitch!

Not my time.

(Techno music)

(Gun shot!)

Who the fuck are you?

I'm Scarlett Cross. I'm an Assassin.

What?

What the fuck?

But I was sent to kill you.

Yeah... and I was hired to kill you.

What?

But who would set us up like that?

It wasn't a set up

You were sent to find me not kill me.

That makes no sense.

There are two things you should know about me...

I never leave the door unlocked

And I always finish the job!

Don't you ever knock?

(Pool balls crashing)

No

Sorry kiddo, there was never gonna be any walking away from this.

Good work, Scarlett.

(Dramatic music... fast paced footsteps)

(Gunshot)

Something's not right!

(Gunshot)

(Gunshot)

Bye-bye Bitch.

(Gunshot)

(Electro music)

Professor (Whispered)

Professor (Whispered)

(Music becomes dramatic)

(Nunchaku noises)

(Gun empty)

(Music stops)

(Silence... except for birds tweeting)

Really?!

Professor (Quietly)

Professor you can come out now.

(Leaves rustling)

Flaming heck I don't know if I can take much more of this!

What were they?

Ninja!

But, I always thought only a Ninja could kill a Ninja?

Well, you thought wrong.

Are you okay?

I'll be fine.

You really are a remarkable woman, I could use someone like you.

Do you have any idea how important this formula is to the world!

No offence Professor, but I don't give a shit, I'm just doing my job.

But aren't you the least bit curious what's going on here?

I hold in my hands the very future of mankind.

You must let me show you.

Professor, do you hear that?

I don't hear anything.

Exactly! That's the sound of everyone back at the safe house that's already dead.

So, with all due respect

We need to fuck off right now!

(Doors close)

Where are you taking me?

Back to HQ

No, no, no, I have to get back to my experiments please...

Just give me one hour, what I have to show you will change your life.

Professor, I kill people. That's what I do.

Your science project, it really doesn't interest me.

Don't you understand these assassins will be back

I need you to be my bodyguard so I can finish my work

Please. I'll pay well!

Okay... you've got one hour.

Yes!

Right, what's the address?

Oh, you won't find this on any map dear, it's been dead and buried for years!

Professor where are we going?

A long forgotten place...

A place they used to call...

Asylum 13!

Sounds wonderful.

(Engine starts)

Tell me more.

(Wheel spin)

By the early twentieth century

There were over a hundred lunatic asylums

Across Great Britain

Once committed patients would rarely leave these...

Over populated, God forsaken hell holes

They were left there to die...

Or murder each other.

Rotting away in a forgotten room until eventually discovered days...

Sometimes weeks later.

Go on!

Asylum 13 was the most notorious of these institutions.

The experiments carried out on the patients there

Saw unspeakable acts of violence and cruelty

The wardens abused their power for their own personal entertainment.

Never for the good of the poor bastards confined there.

So why are we going now?

The Asylum finally closed it's doors in 1999

It's been derelict ever since

No one dares go near the place

And it's underground tunnels are the perfect hideaway

For the most secret experiments.

Just pull in over here, we'll make the rest of the journey on foot.

Okay.

Why do I get the impression these experiments

are not exactly legal Professor?

If you want to change the world you have to break a few rules.

Imagine for a minute a world without disease.

You gonna tell me you found a cure for cancer Professor?

No, no (Laughing)

That was done years ago but the powers that be put a stop to it.

I'm talking about all disease.

And just exactly how do you wipe out all disease?

Genetic mutation.

Genetic mutation?

Ladies first.

If you really insist.

Just keep in direct contact with me. Stay directly behind me...

Until I give the all clear.

(Eerie music)

Just a little bit further.

This next door on your left.

So Professor, I'm curious...

How do you know all this stuff about Asylum 13?

It's very simple dear...

I was the last patient here!

What the? Professor?

If you look up you'll see the first of my experiments.

Genetically mutated, super human beings.

With added strength and engineered to kill...

Or indeed protect mankind, depending on your perspective.

Only one slight defect though

They seem to have developed a taste for human flesh

So if I were you, I'd act fast to defeat them

Before they get a little peckish!

Defeat them?!

Yes, my Super Soldiers!

Don't you see if you can beat them...

That makes you the perfect bodyguard to protect me...

While I finish my work.

Together we can rule the world!

Right!

I hate to ruin your plans Professor, but when I'm done with these

I'm going to modify you with a barbaric form of violence

Rendering you identifiable only by your dental records

Unfortunately, I'm also gonna smash your fuckin' teeth in!

Now if you'll excuse me for a moment.

(80's style Sci-Fi music)

(Glass smash)

(Glass smash)

(Music stops)

(Glass smash... music starts)

(Bones crunching!)

(Music stops)

Not so fast my dear

You see, during those brief moments you took your eyes off me in the woods, I...

Seized the opportunity to take your gun.

(Laughing)

Oh Professor, I never took my eyes off you

I planned the whole scenario from start to finish.

And besides, I'm all outta bullets

(Gun clicks)

And you're all out of luck!

(Dramatic music)

No, no no!!

(Neck snaps!)

You see Professor, it was never about you.

It was always about the formula.

(Birds tweeting)

Okay Scarlett, lets begin as we have for the past few weeks.

Tell me what your full name is and who you work for.

My name is Scarlett Cross and I work for you people.

Oh come on Doc!

Do you have to do everything by the bloody book?!

I'm afraid we do Scarlett

Besides, repeating this information at the start of every session

It establishes the very thing that we're trying to reassure you of, does it not?

I know who I am Doctor!

Do you?

I think I do, I mean I thought I did

Well maybe not who I am, but I know what I am.

Okay, in that case, why don't we answer the question correctly this time?

My name is Scarlett Cross

I work for a secret division of the British government

I am an Assassin

And it appears one in need of serious psychiatric evaluation!

Don't be so hard on yourself Scarlett!

Most people in this line of work require the exact same.

I just want to feel like me again.

But I don't actually know what that really means.

We all get a little lost sometimes, Scarlett

And that's what I'm here for

We just need to understand what's real and what is...

In my fucked up head. I know!

Well I wouldn't have put it quite like that.

But you do need some help and I'm here to provide it.

I just need you to work with me a little more.

And stop being so...

Resentful.

Give it to me straight Doc, does the agency want rid of me?

Absolutely not, no.

You're carrying out your duties admirably.

I heard all about the killing at the castle, as they're calling it.

Scarlett, can you tell me who this is?

Oh, that's my baby, JJ.

You sure?

Of course I'm sure, what a ridiculous question!

And how old is he now? Six?

Seven!

Do you remember when he was born?

No.

So how do you know he's your baby?

Because he's my entire fucking world Doctor!

And one of the few fucking things I'm sure of.

Good.

So then we've established three solid facts.

You know your name

You have a connection with your son

And you know you kill people for a living.

So, tell me about the nightmares.

They seem so real.

I wake up... terrified.

My heart's pounding.

And the flashbacks are almost constant. All day long.

I just feel like I need to...

Rip these memories out of my head!

Is that what you think these are? Memories from before the accident?

I don't know. I just know that I can't go on like this.

I need it gone.

So what is it that troubles you the most?

Well, it feels like I'm sleeping,

But when I open my eyes

Everything is different.

As I wake up I realise that I'm not at home anymore.

I'm lying on the floor and I feel bruised and beaten.

And the next thing I remember I'm walking down a country lane in broad daylight

Half fucking naked, feeling frightened and cold, but there's something else...

My face, it's different.

It isn't me that I'm seeing.

It's a different girl, but I don't recognise her

Then I see a car in the distance.

And then what?

And then I wake up and it was just a horrible dream. I mean...

It must be a dream mustn't it, there's no record of any of this, right?

No Scarlett, there's no record of it before, or after the accident.

But that doesn't necessarily mean to say it didn't happen at some point in your life.

It could be a dream, or it could be a distant memory

From before you came to the agency.

It gets me so frustrated that I can't even remember the car crash

Or anything before it.

Twenty-seven years of my fucking life up in smoke...

Literally!

We lost a good agent that day.

But we're so very grateful we didn't lose you.

Thank you Doc.

I don't even remember the mission

Or the accident.

All I remember is waking up in hospital wondering...

What the fuck is going on!

Well thankfully Logan and the team got you back on your feet as quickly as possible.

You've made an amazing recovery.

And now we just need to mend the broken pieces of the puzzle.

Yeah, I've got a lot to be thankful for.

Oh Scarlett, where are my manners today!

Would you like another coffee?

Doc, now you know I never say no to coffee... thank you.

You're welcome.

You know they're sending me away on vacation?

Oh yeah I heard something about that.

Do you think it will be somewhere nice?

I hope it's somewhere nice, I dunno, like Italy.

I've always wanted to go to Italy.

I'm sorry Scarlett

But your holiday destination is the least of your worries.

(Phone keypad noises)

(Phone rings)

Logan.

Uh-huh

(Sighs)

She remembers.

(Sexual noises)

Oh! You love it don't you baby!

You make me want to vomit you disgusting little man! (Italian)

I wouldn't even piss on you! (Italian)

Yeah I know you fucking love it!

Tell me how much you love it you dirty bitch!

You have such a pathetic little penis, this is like fucking a house fly! (Italian)

Do they even have cocks? (Italian)

If they do I bet they feel like yours (Italian)

Oh you're a lucky girl!

Tell me how much you love it!

Oh I really should say sorry... (Italian)

Just fuck me, I haven't got a clue what you're saying.

Now I must chop off your dick before I have to look

at that pig ugly cum face you must have! (Italian)

(Stabbing noises... Dramatic music)

(Police siren)

So, I heard about the diamond robbery!

'Cock and Balls' up to their old tricks again?

It seems so. The bloody press had a field day with this last time!

Well it's not your fault.

No, but you'd think it would be relatively easy

To find a 6 foot 4 transvestite and two Ginger midgets!

Well when you put it like that. (Laughing)

Anyway, what've you got for me?

Okay, three murders, in three different cities, in three weeks

All the victims found with a cross carved into their heads.

I know the fucking story Pipe, but what about it?

I've found a link.

Go on?

St Joseph's

Means nothing to me.

Well it wouldn't do, I mean now it's some kind of indoor shopping centre

Selling bondage gear and bongs.

Been there recently Detective?

Well, not recently... (Embarrassed)

Anyway it used to be a church

It was closed down and boarded up about seven years ago

And?

And, it seems the three victims were all members of St Joseph's

The Choir Leader, the Officer, and our latest victim...

The Deacon!

So who's next? The Priest?

Who is he? Do we know his name?

He was an old fella, I think he died shortly after the place shut down.

The only person with any links to the Church that I've been able to trace

Is a Sister Mary. The Nun who runs the local Church hall.

And how long ago did you work this out?

About 3am this morning.

Right. Well it's 10am now 'Lazy Bollocks'

Piss off and find Sister Mary for me before it's too late!

I want her brought in for questioning while we figure out

What the fuck was going on in that Church!

Yes Ma'am.

Oh Pipe!

Yes Ma'am?

Well done.

Thanks Ma'am.

(Birds tweeting)

(Sinister music plays)

(Crying and whimpering)

(Screams)

(Intense screaming)

Hello? Can I help you?

Get out! Get out now!

You stay away from me! I'm warning you... Child of Satan!

Speak not of Satan you evil bitch!

For I was the most loyal of servants until you took that away from me!

But today...

I send you straight to hell! (Italian)

(Dramatic music)

This is for all the children of God (Italian)

(Scream)

(Door slams)

Excuse me love, you wouldn't happen to be Sister Mary would you?

Oh no, you'll find her inside.

Thank you!

Fuck me! Nuns are getting sexier by the day!

(Dramatic music)

Fuckin' Hell!

(Thud!)

Well I'm still not sure this is gonna work you know.

Oh for fucks sake Tatiana, how could this not be a massive hit?

Look, we do guns, we do drugs, we do prostitution...

Now why can't we conquer the world of Saturday night television?

Well it's not really prime time viewing is it?

She's got a point there boss.

Fuckin' hell not you too!

Well it has been done before.

You what?

B.G.T.

You know, B.G.T... Britain's Got...

Whoah, whoah, whoah how the fuck has this been done before?

I categorically guarantee you the world has never, ever seen

'Britain's Got Titties'

It's fucking genius, it's my idea, and I like it very much.

Now why the fuck are you two trying to ruin my day?

We're not trying to ruin your day Danny

It's just, who are you going to sell it to?

Are you fucking serious sunshine, you can't even go on a dating show these days

Without being bollock naked.

Good point!

Well when you put it like that.

Well I do put it like that, and I reckon you've been on one of the shows

Because I have to say Darlin' the first time I saw your vagina,

it looked very fucking familiar!

Now! Without further ado, let's bring on the girls!

(Phone rings)

Oh for fucks sake, what now?

Hello? The police are here.

Hang on, hang on, Detective Sergeant, Dickpipe?

Dick Pipe. Yeah.

Alright. Send him in.

(Footsteps)

(Sighs)

It's alright sunshine, he's on our side. He's as crooked as a dog's back leg.

Dickpipe 'ello!

What the fuck happened to your glasses?

I got twatted by a fucking Nun!

Yeah, alright sunshine well grab a seat.

You're supposed to address me as Detective Sergeant.

Well I'm very fucking sorry Detective Sergeant Dick Pipe.

I prefer Richard.

Well, you'll always be a Dick to me.

Who's this pretty lady?

Oh fucking hell don't start Pipe.

I was just asking who she is?

Alright then, well let me to introduce to you the magnificent 'Three Titty Tatiana'.

(Sniffs)

Did you just sniff that then?

Erm... No! No I didn't.

I'm pretty fucking sure you just sniffed her hand. He sniffed her hand!

No, no not at all. Anyway, I came about... Hang on, did you say 'Three Titty Tatiana'?

That's right Detective, I used to do magical things when I was a pole dancer!

Wow! Really?

That's right Pipe. She could swing them around so fast...

That people thought she had three, but she don't...

She's only got two.

Bit fucking disappointing really.

Anyway, close your fucking mouth, as I was about to say...

My town is going to...

Danny, Danny, just slow down for a minute!

I came here because

I've been tipped off.

Tipped off? What the fuck are you talking about Pipe,

we have an arrangement don't we?

Yeah, we do, but he doesn't!

Aren't you, 'Big Billy Bastard' the Blackpool bomber?!

What? The Blackpool bomber! (Laughing)

I've been looking for you for two fucking years!

Right. Just give me a minute and I can explain.

Pipe, what the fuck are you talking about?

He's still wanted for questioning about the old folks charity bombing!

You what? He bombed a fucking charity event?

Yeah. Shocking stuff. Ninety-seven pensioners went up in smoke.

All that was left was a bunch of smouldering wheelchairs.

Well that's fucking tragic Pipe it really is. Where there any survivors?

Yeah, but they all died a few days later with heart failure.

What? You knew about this and you never told me?

Well yeah, I didn't think it was necessary.

It wasn't fucking necessary?

What kind of a massive wanker bombs an old folks charity event?!

If you give me a minute boss I can explain.

It's okay, Large William. There's no need to explain.

Give me a sec Pipe, I'll sort this out.

(Machine Gunfire)

What?

If you don't mind me saying so Danny, that was a little bit harsh.

What the fuck did you do that for!!!

Well he was a cunt wasn't he.

I'm an officer of the law, for fucks sake!

You can't go around shooting people when I'm standing here!

Well why not? I shoot people when you're not standing here.

There are witnesses. I'm going to have to fucking arrest you.

What? 'Three Tits'? Look at her Pipe she already doesn't give a shit!

What?

Nothing Darlin' as you were.

Anyway Pipe I just did you a massive favour.

Yeah okay, I suppose you're right.

Good. Now as I was saying

Before I was rudely interrupted by some Granny bombing gobshite!

My town is going to shit

I've got some serial killer running around, carving crosses into people's heads

Now what the fuck is that all about?!

Well it's that psychotic nun I was telling you about.

What, the one that ruined your glasses?

Exactly!

Have you started doing drugs again? And if so why aren't you buying them from me?

No, im deadly serious. We're dealing with a fucking killer nun!

Or at least she dresses like a Nun!

She's been targeting everyone connected with the old Catholic Church.

St Joseph's?

That's the one.

But I'm not sure there's anyone left in this town for her to kill.

What about Frigstick?

Frigstick?

Yeah, the old priest.

He's called Frigstick?

Oh... no sorry... Freigsteich... he's German or something.

Anyway, you've got room to talk.

I thought that priest was dead.

Well a lot of people think he is, so we call him 'The Holy Ghost'

I reckon he's about three hundred years old now.

Anyway, I've spotted him down at the brothel.

Busty Betty assures me he's one of our best customers

I'm surprised you haven't seen him.

When you've been down there for a bit of slap and tickle Pipe.

Erm... well no, I've never been.

Pipe!

What?

We've got CC TV.

Bollocks!

And while we're on the subject, have you ever considered having your arse waxed?

Erm... no!

Well you should, it looks like the fucking Vietnam jungle.

I reckon you could find prisoners of war in that crack.

I could recommend somebody if you like?

Erm... that's enough about me and my fucking arse!

Well we're only trying to help.

Anyway, we need to find that priest and fast!

If I remember correctly Pipe

Father Frigstick likes a fiddle on a Friday night down at Betty's.

So why don't we go there, grab the old bastard, and use him as bait

to lure out this fucking killer Nun!

Sounds like a plan to me!

But here's the thing right, I'm bringing in reinforcements

Because you fuckers can't do your job properly.

What you talking about? I found the bloody Nun didn't I?!

Well you did find her, but when I get my hands on her

I'm gonna fucking crucify her!

(Oriental music plays)

Gentlemen, let me introduce to you, the deadly Yakuza,

Sakura Nagasawa

Fantastic!

Where is he?

He... is looking right at you.

I'm no fucking expert sunshine, but I reckon that's a woman!

Well, it is!

And I don't want to be picky or anything, but if she's Japanese

Then my friend here doesn't have a name that sounds like a wanking tool!

What?

No... wait.

I mean for fucks sake I asked Logan for a world class killer

And he sends me tits and tattoos

Which... don't get me wrong I do appreciate in equal amounts

But it was definitely not on the fucking job description!

Mr McQueen you don't understand

Logan assures me that Nagasawa is a world class killer

And if anything maybe, THE world class killer!

Alright... enlighten me.

Sakura's parents were killed when she was a child

They were living in Japan at the time,

She was found on a doorstep and she was raised and trained as an Assassin

By an infamous Yakuza family.

Go on...

Well as you know there's not many women in that type of organisation

Hardly any in fact

And what you're looking at here is the only caucasian female

That's ever lived and survived in the Japanese underworld.

Alright I'm impressed.

But I won't be fucking impressed,

If Kenny Takakura comes knocking on my door now will I.

Relax Mr McQueen

As far as the Yakuza are concerned she's already dead.

Yeah, well she better be.

Do you want to see the death certificate?

No, I want Shirley Nagashagger or whatever she's called here

To show me what's she capable of.

It's Sakura Nagasawa.

I don't care what it is, I'm gonna call her Shirley.

Shirley?

Yeah... Shirley... it was my father's name.

She's gonna need an opponent.

Indeed.

Right Pipe. Show this bitch what you're made of!

Why me?!

Because you told me you were a national champion.

Well I was.

Well what was it then, Boxing, Kickboxing...

Karate, Judo... what?

Breakdancing.

What?

Breakdancing.

Breakdancing?

Yes.

Break. Dancing?

Yes.

National Champion?

Yes.

Three years in a row?

Yeah, they didn't call me Electric Dickydoo for nothing!

Alright.

Alright, well now's your time to shine!

She's gonna fuckin' kill him isn't she?

Yeah.

(THUD!)

(CRUNCH!)

(THUD!)

Right... well... that'll do for me.

(Guitar music plays)

Alright Darlin' how many we got in tonight?

Just the one for now.

Fuckin' hell Betty, it's Friday where the fuck is everybody?

Well, speaking of business, I thought we needed to do a little more advertising.

Advertising? Are you fucking serious?

Yeah! I thought of a great slogan and everything.

Alright then, let's hear it.

Alright...

Not getting it at home?

Then go balls deep at Busty Betty's banging brothel!

Huh? What do you think?

Well... that... that is fucking beautiful Darlin'

I mean that is fucking poetry it really is.

However, let's talk about it later alright.

What time are you expecting Frigstick tonight?

The Holy Ghost? Well, he's already here.

What? He's here?

Yeah, that's right he came in a little bit earlier than usual

I put him in with the new girl.

New girl? You didn't tell me you were hiring?

Oh you're gonna fucking love her Danny she dresses like an Nun and everything

The dirty bitch!

Shit! What's the room number?

Room Four.

Have I done something wrong hun?

No, it's not your fault.

Listen, nobody leaves! Shirley, come with me.

Oi! Shag you later Danny!

No thanks Darlin' you nearly fucking killed me last time.

(Sighs)

Right Shirley, let's do this!

(Door bursts open)

Fucking hell Darlin'

I don't mind telling you for a Nun

You have some serious fucking issues you need to contend with.

What have you done to Frigstick?

The devil himself deserved to die!

(Dramatic music)

Fuck me!

Yeah, yeah alright then.

Well where's the rest of him?

Oh fucking hell!

That is, what the fuck even is that?

(Laughs)

Sorry Frigstick.

Listen Darlin' I decide who lives and dies in this town

And if I were you I'd start fuckin' praying!

(Laughs)

(Phone rings)

Excuse me.

Oh bollocks... right Shirley, make this quick!

My work here is done. (Italian)

One for me... one for you! (Italian)

Well, if you must know, I'm in the process of killing a Nun

And then I quite fancy takeaway

I dunno, Pizza or Chinese or something...

What? Pipe? I don't know where the fuck he is

He didn't turn up!

Yeah, yeah, yeah alright... listen

If I'm taking over from Logan, who do I have to kill first?

Well, who the fuck is Scarlett Cross?

Yeah, yeah, yeah alright... I got it, I got it

Pipe, Logan, yeah I got it.

Alright.

Fucking impatient bitch!

(Dramatic music continues)

(Music ends)

Excellent work Shirley!

Now, two things... kill Pipe... find Logan

Let's move onto the bigger picture shall we, I've got a date with D.E.A.T.H.

(Music begins)

Where am I?

I said, where am I, Bitch?

(Stick noise)

Shit!

Come on then...

Let's do this!

(Rock music begins)

(Stick noise)

(Thud!)

(Music fades)

(Footsteps)

(Oriental music begins)

Okay, I don't know who the fuck you are

Or where the fuck I am

But I'm telling you this, it's been a pretty shitty day.

So come on 'Sugar Tits', are you gonna put that sword to use?

Or am I gonna shove it up your ass?

(Sword noise)

Well, that answers that then!

(Funky music begins)

(Music fades)

(Slap noise)

Sorry sweetheart, but I do need to have your attention

As I'm a very busy girl.

Logan?

Hey sugar!

What the fuck is going on?

Why are we being held hostage by the waitress from the coffee shop?!

Well... here's the thing...

She's not a waitress.

She's not a waitress?

No.

Are you sure about that?

Pretty much!

Erm... hello, over here. I'm still in the fucking room.

And I'm not a waitress darling.

You're not a waitress?

No.

But I have seen you before in the coffee shop right?

Can I get you anything else?

Yes.

And we have had several girly chats over coffee and cake?

Yes, we have...

And on these occasions...

Did you or did you not serve me coffee?

Yes I did but...

You're a fucking waitress

She's a fucking waitress!

(Gunfire!)

Jesus Christ!

Was that really necessary?

Oops... sorry if it stings... just trying to make a point.

I'm not a waitress darling, but I don't mind taking out the trash!

Honey!

She's not... a fucking... waitress

Now would you shut the fuck up and listen

Would a waitress be pointing a gun at us?

Well I don't know. I complained about the coffee once.

It tasted like that cheap instant shit.

Not sure what you've done.

Will you shut the fuck up!

I don't mean to be rude Princess

But I'm doing my very best not to just shoot you in the face

Now clearly, if you have a think about the situation

The fact that you're sitting here, bruised.. beaten

And losing quite a lot of blood

It might become apparent that we have some serious shit to discuss, huh?

Logan, seeing as she's your fuck up, why don't you start talking?

Your fuck up?

Oh darling, you can't possibly imagine

Your world is about to crumble into a million little pieces.

Come on you fucking prick, talk!

What have you done?

Tell me! (Shouts)

Touchy!

Okay... okay.

She's not a fucking waitress.

She's known as 'Reaper'.

And she's our boss!

What?

The coffee shop, it's all a front, it's

It's one of several places we use to keep an eye on...

Our experiments.

Logan, you're not making any sense

Experiments?

You're name is not Scarlett Cross

You don't work for some secret division of the British government.

You're an Assassin... plain and simple.

You're controlled by a criminal organisation known as, Death

What the... Death?

Yeah, D... E...

I know how to spell it you fuckwit!

No, it's an abbreviation. It stands for...

I don't give a fuck what it stands for Logan.

What the hell is going on here?

Like the man said, you're an experiment Scarlett

Or should I say Miss Stone.

A creation, our creation.

We took your life, ended it...

Then completely reinvented it.

Stone?

We were looking for a subject, someone we could erase from everyday existence

And mould into... the perfect Agent for D.E.A.T.H.

I was driving in the country one day and there you were

Walking along the side of the road

Beaten and bruised

Visibly shaken from some kind of ordeal

I stopped the car to get out and...

As I did you dropped to the ground, unconscious

So it was real.

I picked you up, I put you in the car

And drove you to a private hospital

After a few days it was on the news...

A house nearby to where I found you

Was the scene of a mass murder

The police... had an alert... on a Jennifer Stone.

Clearly you were a natural born killer sweet cheeks!

So you're telling me that I'm this Jennifer Stone?

Right.

Then why is nobody looking for me now?

Because... we have people working in all the right places.

A body was provided, a funeral held.

And one of our top surgeons completely changed your face.

You changed my face?!

Oh come on now, you can't complain about that

We gave you a pretty good face don't you think?

What about my husband... and my little boy?

Where's my JJ?

Come on Logan get on with it.

Your husband...

He works for us

Or at least he did.

Did?

He was buried about three hours ago.

Where's my son?

I want to see my baby!

Oh come on, is none of this making any sense?

He's not your son.

He's an orphan. His parents were murdered when he was about six months old

By your friend Logan here as a matter of fact.

Oh don't worry, that little boy will have a new mummy soon enough.

He's my little boy and I wanna see him now!

Oh, poor Jenny...

But I'm afraid that ship has sailed, he could be anywhere by now.

If this is true, then why do that?

Why turn me into an Assassin, then give me a family?

To add to the excitement of course.

Making you think that you had a terrible secret

That you had to keep hidden from your precious family

And a family that you had to keep safe, from your dark little secret.

What's the problem with that?

Superheroes have been doing it for years!

But I'm not a fucking superhero though am I

I'm one of the bad guys.

Don't be too hard on yourself kid

Not everybody you killed was a good guy

And D.E.A.T.H. is... partly, government funded.

What?!

Oh do keep up!

Don't be do naive Scarlett

Regardless of popular belief, no one wants world peace

Happy ever afters for everyone just isn't possible.

And besides... heroes need villains to make them look good.

If there was no evil in the world there'd be no justice

No order... right?

So... there was no accident.

No coma.

No amnesia.

You just found me... and erased my entire life?!

When I found you, you were catatonic.

Making it very easy for our mind control experiments to take place.

But unfortunately now, according to Dr Land, you're starting to remember things

Which has caused this somewhat inconvenient predicament we find ourselves in.

This is all just one big game to you isn't it.

Not a game Darling no.

Although, today's events have prooved somewhat entertaining.

Speaking of which I have a plane to catch

But before I do I'll leave you in the very capable hands of an old friend of yours.

He's no fucking friend of mine!

Oh no not that one Darling. (Laughing)

He's dead.

What?

You see what Logan didn't get around to telling you

Was not only have we been experimenting with mind control

And generally fucking up your entire life

We've also been messing around with genetic engineering,

Cryogenics... cloning...

You know all that weird and wonderful stuff

You only ever see in low budget straight-to-video movies

Like the ones they used to make in the 80's

Starring people like Reb Brown and Chris Mitchum.

Miles O'Keeffe and Richard Harrison?

No!

Bruce Baron and Weng Weng?

Never fucking heard of them!

Well... not many people have.

I was always more of a Chuck Norris girl myself.

Well... I think I was.

Hmm... so unoriginal.

Anyway, as I was about to say

Thanks to one of our ladies, who you killed today

We were able to get our hands on a rather magic little formula

Turning violent bitches like you into almost invincible killing machines!

Of course we had to work on it a little bit...

When it first came into our possession

We had a load of mindless fucking zombies running around.

No one wants that do they!

However, with some tweaking it has minimal side effects

I think you're going to enjoy what's in store.

Anyway, enough of the chit chat

I have a plane to catch

D.E.A.T.H. is a worldwide organisation you understand.

Goodbye Jennifer.

My name is Scarlett Cross!

And I'm gonna fuck you up!

Oh no... it doesn't end like that...

(Noise from above)

It ends like this...

(Footsteps)

(Door handle rattles)

Hello Scarlett... remember me?

Holy shit!

Not quite.

What the fuck is this? You're dead... I killed you!

Yes... and I seem to remember you repeatedly stabbing me in the tits!

It hurt. Quite a lot actually.

My left nipple is still completely fucked.

Never mind your left nipple... what the fuck happened to your eyes?

I don't mind telling you this... you don't look too good!

Part of my resurrection I believe.

Mmm... and I'm actually quite... hungry!

Well, eat this Bitch!

(Techno music begins)

Aargghh! Ah... fuck!

Killing at the castle? I don't think so Bitch!

(Choking noises)

(Tranquil music begins)

(Birds tweeting)

(A train in the distance)

So you're the massive pain in the arse they call Scarlett Cross!

Pity really, the trouble you've caused

You could have been one of D.E.A.T.H.'s greatest creations

But now...

Scarlett Cross will not return.

Gentlemen

Open fire.

Fuck!

(Excessive gunfire!)

(End instrumental music begins)