Original subtitles

Isn't it great we'll be able to see Halley's Comet tonight?

Oh, it sure is.

My bowling team is having an outdoor party.

I've concocted a new drink, the Cassidy Comet.

Two sips and you'll orbit the solar system for 76 years.

Oh, Benson, I'm glad you're here. I wanted to remind you about that dinner

have at the planetarium. Then we have that press conference to give our views

Halley's Comet.

Oh, really?

Well, I think I'll just pass on that.

If anybody asks, tell them I've seen the comet and I give it a ten.

How can you be so cavalier? This comet's a freak of nature. It's a phenomenon.

Well, compared to Krause, it's a day at the beach.

Hey, good morning, all.

Now, listen up, everyone.

I am hosting a Halley's Comet party at my humble abode tonight, and all of you

fortunate people are invited.

So, who's going to be there?

Well, that's fine. I have other friends.

The irrigation proposal is finished.

And I got it in the mail to the feds. Oh, boy, I'm exhausted.

Hey, Miss Krause, how'd you like to come to my Halley's Comet Party tonight?

No chance, Lance.

I worked all night long. I just want to go home to my bed to sleep.

Bed, eh?

I thought you hung upside down in a closet.

Oh, listen to this. Did anybody know that in Roman times, if you lost a

they blamed it on Halley's Comet? How about that?

I don't believe in superstitions. Bad luck.

I saw a movie on TV.

When Comets Collide.

See, this one comet struck the Earth and knocked it off its axis.

Oh, there was wind and floods and fires.

That movie had everything.

Including bad love scenes and Buster Crabbe.

Well, I saw this movie once where all the people were forced to live

in caves because the Van Allen Belt had been set on fire by this huge burning

comet and all the dinosaurs died.

Oh.

Crab, dead dinosaurs, this is all sophomoric Hollywood theatrics.

Comets don't burn. A noted astronomer has stated unequivocally that comets are

nothing more than an enormous snowball of gases.

Oh.

So according to this noted astronomer, the world won't end with a bang or a

whimper.

It'll end with a belch.

Morning, everybody.

Have you seen the telescope? I need it for school.

Oh, gee, no, I haven't, Katie.

Could I fix you some breakfast, honey?

Oh, no, I'm late already. I'll just have a glass of milk and a piece of toast.

Oh, I'm sorry. The toast is broken. It won't pop up.

I think the popper's pooped.

You sure you don't know where the telescope is? I need it for the Halley's

Party tonight at school.

Oh, you know, Katie, I saw that telescope. It's downstairs in the

go get it for you.

I can't wait to see Howie's comment. Isn't that exciting?

There it goes now.

What is taking you so long, woman?

I have looked high and low for that stupid telescope. I can't find it

Well, here it is over here. Oh.

What was that?

Don't ask me.

It's your dream.

Cassidy has been sacked.

Is that what that is?

I must admit, I've seen her looking better.

I knew it. I knew this would happen. That Halley's Comet has come too close

the Earth and everyone has been burned to a cinder block.

Nonsense, Krauss.

Mrs. Cassidy probably just had to leave.

In a hurry.

Oh, that's Mrs. Cassidy, all right. And you are standing in her.

Oops, uh, sorry.

This is awful. I'm tracking her all over the place.

She'd hate that.

Benson, what are we going to do?

Well, let's go see the governor and Clayton. Maybe they know something.

wait, Benson.

What are we going to do about Mrs. Cassidy? Are we going to just...

Leave her there. Oh, well, of course not We'll come back later and vacuum her up

and have been turned to ashes, too.

Huh?

Would you look at that?

I told this man he'd better slow down.

I told him, I said, one day you're going to burn out.

They are gone.

Everyone I loved is gone.

Now, hold it, hold it, hold it. Now, we've got a long way to go here. I want

to relax, and let's just discuss this logically.

Yeah, yeah.

You're all right.

Relax. Stay calm.

Be logical.

Okay, here are the facts.

Fact number one.

Everyone we knew is now dust.

Yeah.

Fact number two.

It's obvious that a bright green light had something to do with it. Yeah. Fact

number three.

The sky outside for the first time in my life is glowing red. Yeah.

Now, these three facts add up to one inescapable conclusion.

Yeah, yeah. We are in deep cosmic trouble here.

There's only one thing left to do.

We get all the food and barricade ourselves in the basement for the rest

lives.

Or we could check and see how widespread your dream is.

It's a good idea, too.

You go outside and check for any form of life. You mean creatures from other

planets? No, men, women, dogs, termites.

I get the idea. I will do it right away.

Dead. Oh, sorry, Governor.

Please stand by for emergency... Please stand by

for emergency... You will never believe what I saw

out there.

Well, what did you see?

There are cars everywhere.

Stop. In the middle of the road, no people.

Just their clothes tumbling all over the place. And ashes, big piles of

ashes. We are all alone.

We are dark red, Benson, dark red.

Dark red?

You're all alone.

Dark red and all alone.

Are you trying to say we're marooned, Krauss?

Yes, you're marooned.

As far as I can see, you and I are the last two people alive.

Yeah, well, all the phones are dead.

Wait a minute. If there's one phone that's still working, it's in the

desk. It's the hotline.

Oh, that's a great idea, boy. You are so smart.

Headline check.

There are no survivors to answer your call.

There are no survivors to answer your call.

There are no...

You

were right.

We are all alone. We're the last people on Earth.

I always knew I was destined to be someone special.

And to be Mother Earth.

And

who is

to be Father Earth?

You and I are the new Adam and Eve.

Together, we will repopulate the Earth.

That is the most disgusting thing I've ever heard.

It is inevitable, Ben. Well, that's it. I'm out of here. Where are you going? To

find somebody. Who? Anybody.

Sir, if you're out there, please come in.

Please. Please.

This dream has gone too far.

I've been along with Krause here for seven years now, and for those of you

remember Krause, you know that that's far too long.

Please, I can't take it anymore. Hello?

Hello? Hello?

Hello? Hello, Liebling.

Would you stop calling me that?

Don't you love it?

As a matter of fact, I hate it. Well, I like to wear nice things.

Don't you care about the way I look?

I've never cared about the way you look.

Why do you say such mean things to me?

Well, if you just wake up, everything would be all right.

I know. Benson, you're doing the best you can. And to cheer you up, I'm going

give you a surprise birthday. birthday present. Why? My birthday's two months

away. I told you, it's a surprise.

Ta -da!

A Mona Lisa?

Is that the original?

Would I give my husband a fake?

I don't want her in here. Why?

Well, she looks like she knows something we don't know.

I like her in here. She stays.

Well, I'm the governor.

And I say she goes. And who elected you, governor?

The people.

And who are the people?

You.

That's right.

And I can boot you out of office just as fast as I put you in.

Oh, yeah? Well, since I'm the last man on earth, I'll have myself declared

emperor and have you beheaded.

That is a terrible thing to say to the mother of your children.

Mother?

Children? We have children?

What kind of sick dream is this?

Come in, children.

You're like walking around in dead animal skins.

Don't be so sarcastic, Beth. I don't know where she gets that from.

Now, Kinder, come with Mama. We have a nice big bowl of ice cream. Come on! No,

no, no, no, no, no. These kids cannot have ice cream until they've studied

gathering, fishing, and first aid. Oh, I think you are being too rough on them.

Little girls need to play.

No, no, no. These girls need to learn how to survive.

They can take care of themselves.

And now, Mama's precious angel baby girls, you go have your ice cream and

tell your brothers to come in. Okay. Bye.

Brothers, we have boys.

Oh, naturally.

Two.

Don and Finn.

Now, how did you get so dirty?

We've been playing with our cars.

Cars? These kids have cars?

Of course. I got them matching Rolls Royces.

Well, then that'll keep them making noise with those helicopters.

Nonsense. They are my babies.

And now, darling, wait till you see the surprise Mama got for you. It's right

out front.

A surprise? Oh, boy!

I got him a train set.

Amtrak?

Now, the way I figure it, and if the kids have followed the course that I

charted for them...

It should be somewhere between East St. Louis, Illinois, and Osaka, Japan.

You see, there are very nice people in both those places.

Since that would put them on the other side of the new Dubois international

line, and taking into consideration that five days have passed, they should be

calling in about three minutes.

Benson, I'm dizzy.

Tell me about it.

Oh, no, I mean, I can't stand up.

My knees are shaking like a nervous jellyfish.

Let me have a look at you.

No wonder you're burning up with fever.

Yeah, and my stomach doesn't feel too good either.

Well, you probably got a little flu.

Here.

Last aspirin on earth.

Take two and call me in the morning.

I think this may be worse than the flu. I do believe I'm dying.

Come on, Cross.

You survived a comet that destroyed all the people on Earth. A flu certainly

isn't going to kill you.

But my stomach feels awfully bad.

What did you have for lunch?

Canned shrimp.

There was nothing wrong with that.

Canned beets.

With the shrimp?

Yeah, and for dessert.

Canned figs.

Well, then that would explain it.

You're not going to die. You're going to explode.

I'm not kidding, Benton. I feel my strength is slipping away.

Oh, come on, Benton.

Don't quit on me now.

If you leave me, what'll I do? I'll be all alone.

It's the kids.

Hello, Mary.

This is your father, the emperor.

Come in, please.

We found other humans.

Beth married the king, and I'm marrying his brother, a real prince of a guy.

Well, that's great news.

How are the boys?

They're busy.

There must be hundreds of young, unmarried women in the tribe.

They said to say hello.

Well, I'm surprised they had the time.

I can't wait to tell your mother, hey, call again at the full moon.

Right, over and out.

Ah, such nice kids. They know how to call their parents.

Kraus, did you hear?

It was the kids, huh?

The girls are safe and the boys are busy.

I hate to leave you, but I know now I am dying.

No, Cross, you can't die. You can't leave me all alone. You can't. What'll I

Well, you'll get along without me. You're a strong man.

No, don't leave me. Don't leave me.

I can't make it without you.

All those mean things I said about you? Yeah, yeah. I didn't mean them.

You're the most beautiful, intelligent woman I've ever known.

It's not easy to say that.

With a straight face.

Even in a dream.

I know, Benson, I...

Kraus. Kraus.

Kraus, wake up. Wake up, Kraus. Wake up.

Oh, Benson.

You will never believe the dream I just had.

You and I were the last two people on earth.

We fell in love.

And then we got married and had children.

That's sick and twisted.

Then I died.

Oh, well, at least it had a happy ending.