Original subtitles

No,

no, no, fellas.

We're going to be in very close quarters for the next 48 hours, so let's try not

to get on each other's nerves.

Well, if it were up to me, I wouldn't go near that shelter.

Personally, I think these war games are a waste of time.

This exercise may not seem important to you, but if it ever really happens,

it'll be damned important to the people of this state that we know how to handle

it.

Sir, you have my heartfelt assurance that despite my personal views, I want

assist and I will do everything in my power.

Make him cut that out.

Why don't you check with the National Guard and see that all communication

are open and that they're ready for the exercise?

Very well, sir.

You can leave everything to me.

Why do you needle him all the time? It's a nasty job, but somebody's got to do

it.

Katie, have you started out reporting for school yet?

There's nothing to report. You guys haven't even started the exercise.

Well, I know, but later on I'll be so busy I won't have time to bug you about

your homework.

Hold it.

No non -essential items allowed on the tactical map board.

I hate to pull rank on you, Benson, but I am the shelter manager.

So move it.

At ease.

Did she get a pistol with this jab? No, no, no. None of us have weapons.

That's my kind of war.

Benson, you have to pick a number.

I already got mine. I'm a five.

Only if you wear makeup.

Can I see you for a moment?

Can you find us on this map?

Sure.

Here we are, are you?

You sure? Isn't this Springfield?

No, this is Springfield.

Well, this is a very confusing map.

Maybe if you looked at it from over here.

Oh, I see. So that's normal.

Mm -hmm. Oh.

Oh, Governor, the Defense Department is starting the exercise. Okay, everybody,

stand by.

This exercise will be divided into three stages.

One, warning of nuclear attack.

Two, nuclear attack.

Three, post -nuclear attack.

Do we have any idea how long each stage will be? Nope, nobody knows.

The computer will choose one of over 4 ,200 different scenarios.

4 ,200 different scenarios?

That computer shouldn't be working in Washington.

It should be in Hollywood writing Dynasty.

Stage one is commencing.

The armed forces have been put on full defense alert.

I'm sealing the shelter.

Wait, shouldn't we wait for Clayton?

What, is Clayton out there?

Yeah, she knows what she's doing.

Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it.

You can't start this war without me.

Sorry I'm late.

Here's your number.

This is a $700 suit.

Congratulations.

You've been selected best dressed man in the bunker.

It's your move, Governor.

Tell me what you are going to do, and I will enter it into the computer.

Clayton, get on the horn and tell them to sound the warning siren. Yes, sir.

All right, what's next?

Okay, we can either evacuate the population or get them into shelters.

I think we have time to consider the evacuation plan.

Siren has been sounded, Governor.

Where do you want to start?

Well, I think we should evacuate the entire population from the target areas.

And where do we instruct them to go?

Well, my first guess would be a non -target area.

Some place where they're not likely to get their buns toasted.

Well, who has a list of the target and the non -target areas?

You mean besides the guys shooting at us?

I think there are some assumptions we can make here. Large cities and areas

defense -related industries will obviously be targets.

Good. So let's start with Springfield.

This is Springfield.

Oh, Springfield, right. So let's evacuate the population of Mountain

Mountain Valley.

Uh... Let me look at it from over here. Sure, sure.

All right, now. The population of Springfield is in three main population

centers. So... Here, Benson, you take this car and represent the east side.

I'll represent the west side traffic here.

All right. I'll be this car representing the affluent south side.

And let's move on down to Mountain Valley.

No, hold it, hold it. We're creating a traffic jam here.

Well, this is the only way to Mountain Valley.

Oh, too late.

What is it? They are starting stage two.

An enemy launch has been detected by satellite.

The warheads are expected to arrive in 15 minutes.

15 minutes?

That's not fair.

All right, all right.

Let's just cancel the evacuation.

Right. Our only option at this point is to tell the population to get into

shelters. Well, what about all those people you evacuated? Are they just

out there? Honey, they... Uh...

Not now, Katie.

Clayton, get on the horn and tell them to sound the attack siren.

Yes, sir.

I'll contact all the radio and TV stations and tell them to stand by for

emergency broadcast.

Right. Oh, I wonder what I'm going to say.

What are you doing, Mrs. Cassidy? I'm checking you for radiation.

It's part of my job.

Well, there hasn't been any radiation. I haven't dropped the bombs yet.

Well, it doesn't hurt to practice.

What is that, a Geiger counter?

No, no, this is a little thingamajig that I use to test my microwave oven.

Oh, that'll come in handy.

During a real war, you could tell us when we're medium rare.

The attack siren has been sounded, Governor.

Oh, good, good. Be sure you keep communication lines open with the

Guard. Yes, sir.

Then what do we do?

Um...

Well, I guess we just wait.

Yeah.

Wait for the bomb to drop.

Hey, that's a good title for my report.

Waiting for the bombs to drop by Katie Gatling.

In addition to taking food and water into the shelter with you, you'll need

special medicines, blankets, flashlights.

A radio so that we can stay in touch. Extra clothing.

And let's see what the government brochure recommends.

A clock, a calendar, playing cards, hobby materials, a sewing kit, and a

watch.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry. I have talked so long that now you have only two minutes to

get to your shelters, but Godspeed. I have one more thing.

Be careful out there.

Too long, huh?

Well, personally, I thought the story about your Uncle Cletus at Custer's last

stand was an unnecessary side trip.

I didn't ask for a critique. I asked about length.

Too long.

Thank you.

By one Uncle Cletus story.

I hate this waiting.

Well, I could go over this checklist again.

We have been over that inane checklist nine times. Do you think we are idiots?

What's with him?

Simulated battle fatigue.

I suppose it's time for lunch.

Lunch?

Easy, babe.

How can you think of your stomach in the midst of a nuclear attack?

Because it's not a real nuclear attack.

If it were real, I'd be thinking of another part of my anatomy and kissing

goodbye.

It's a rather pessimistic attitude, Bunsen. It is possible to survive a

attack, you know.

Well, if you happen to be a rat or a cockroach. And I intend to survive.

Like I said, rats and cockroaches.

I'll get lunch.

I hope you don't think that was my order.

Wait, I'll go with you.

This isn't as riveting as I thought it would be.

Well, does anybody know? I mean, is it possible to survive a nuclear war?

We won't have the answer to that until we have a war.

Well, let's not have one just to satisfy Krause's curiosity.

I'm certainly no expert, but the Defense Department, many respected scientists,

including the guy who invented the hydrogen bomb, all think that a portion

the population will survive.

That's right. As long as we're prepared and we have a plan, there is nothing to

be afraid of.

wouldn't go that far.

I mean, you know, that bomb is going to make a pretty big bang.

Not to mention the firestorm and the radioactive fallout. Let's face it, it's

going to play real havoc with your TV reception.

But still, many people in shelters will survive.

Oh, I agree. They should be in shelters.

But when we come out, what will life be like?

Well, let me see.

You remember Watts in 65?

Lunch!

Well, you know, I think so far we've been doing pretty well. Yeah, I think

Hey, here's an interesting bit of trivia.

This food's 11 years older than I am.

Oh, the first bomb has been detonated.

Estimated yield, one megaton.

Target, Springfield.

Estimated dead.

Oh, my God.

Gretchen. There are more. There are more bombs.

Bay City.

Carolsville.

Woodbury.

Danton.

Capital City.

Is the computer still working, Cross?

Yeah, it's working. They're just not sending anything.

What time is it?

Ten to three.

Which ten to three?

A .M. General Custer, General Custer, wake up! Governor, wake up!

What?

You're talking in your sleep.

I was having a dream about Uncle Cletus. I was so vivid.

I could almost smell the horses.

It's probably a Krause's perfume.

Uh -huh. I'm not wearing any perfume.

Maybe you should be.

There's nothing going to happen here. I'm going for a refill.

I knew it. I knew it. It was just waiting for me to leave.

What'd you say? Oh.

Good news. The attack phase of that exercise is over. All right, but don't

down, fellas.

So stage three will be starting. That could be the hardest of all. Clayton,

better man the phone.

Yes, sir.

Look, stage three is starting.

Due to an undetected gamma radiation leak in the executive shelter, player

number one has died.

Number one?

That's me.

Uh, I don't want to die.

C 'est la guerre.

C 'est la vie.

Say goodbye.

Governor, um, I'd rather not play this part of the game. I can't do anything

about it, Clayton. It's out of my hands.

Turn in your badge. No, I don't want to turn in my badge.

Now, be quiet.

Sir.

Benton.

This isn't fair.

This just isn't fair.

What's all the noise?

Clayton's dead.

Oh.

I had promised.

I could have been somebody.

It finds a radiation leak before the rest of us lose our bodies. Okay, okay,

here it is.

Come on, what's it say? What, what, what?

Just a minute, Krauss. I don't know this thing by heart.

Ah, here we go.

Here, there it is. It says, first, find the leak.

That's the shelter manager's job.

Tick, tick, tick, tick. What are you doing?

I'm looking for the leak with my thingamajig.

Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. My George, I

she's found it. Let me see.

It says we should build a gamma barrier to cover up the leak.

Well, does the manual have a gamma barrier kit?

It has instructions.

Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

If you have lumber, nails, and carpenter's tools available and have

of earth or sand into the shelter before fallout arrived, you may be able to

construct a very good barrier.

Piles of earth and sand.

This is a joke, right?

Well, what about stacks of brick?

Well, what about a handful of pocket lint? A deck of cards, sewing kit, hobby

materials? Why are you so upset?

Why am I so upset?

Because here we are down here in this dank basement facing Armageddon trying

do the best job we know how and some guy in Washington is suggesting that we

carry around piles of earth and sand.

Now there is another choice. I hesitate to bring it up.

Oh, go ahead. It can't be any more harebrained than the last suggestion.

It says the human body can provide some protection.

How wrong I was.

It says volunteers should stand in front of the leak.

The human body has a density of 0 .4 relative to concrete.

Let's use Clayton's body.

It's dead.

No one is building a barrier with my remains.

Why don't we find the guy who wrote this pamphlet?

His density is probably higher than concrete.

That's amazing.

The desperate measure is for a desperate situation.

Clayton, come here. Yes, sir.

Go stand in front of the lead.

Sir. Go on.

I don't know why I am always the one who has to do this.

Guess you make a tougher person to sleep around here.

Governor, we have a situation here.

What is it?

Just looking at this map, the greater part of our surviving population is in

this general area.

Right. The problem is that all of our food supplies are down here in the

southwest corner.

Miss Krause, give me a status on highways 19, 34, and Route J.

heavily damaged, impassable.

Well, there's got to be a way, though.

Think, think.

Why are you guys wasting your time? If you look at the board, the whole damn

state has been blown to hell.

We're not wasting our time, Clayton.

We're doing our job.

Which is more than you're doing.

I'm dead.

From the neck up. Stop, stop, stop.

New information.

It says that player number two is showing signs of radiation sickness and

requires immediate medical attention.

Who's number two?

Me.

It's Katie.

How are you? I'm fine.

You shouldn't be walking.

Huh? You're sick. You've got to be in bed.

What's going on?

The computer says you caught something.

Oh, no. Floppy fever.

This is not a joke. Get in bed.

You need a doctor. All right, I'll call the doctor.

But you can't use the phone. The blast wave, remember?

Okay, I'll use the radio.

You better let me check that.

Radio transmission impossible due to ionization of the atmosphere.

Which means we're cut off. No, no.

We're not cut off, no. We can't be cut off. We've got to have a doctor. We've

got to have help.

We've got to have medical attention for this girl. I'm going to go get some

help. Hold it, hold it. Hold it, hold it.

It's just an exercise.

Well, but what if it wasn't?

Well, I guess you don't need my two cents worth.

But if you ask me, this kind of thing is never going to happen.

Why do you say that?

It makes me feel better.

And the woman is not entirely off base.

The presence of a strong defense guarantees that the weapons will never

Guarantees? Then why are we doing this exercise?

What I'm saying is as long as we have the capacity to destroy each other many

times it's over, no one is going to be the first to push the button.

We hope.

Benson's right.

We should get rid of all our nuclear weapons.

Wait a minute.

That isn't what I said.

I think we should all get rid of our nuclear weapons.

How do we convince every country in the world that has nuclear weapons to give

them up?

Well, just because we don't have the answer doesn't mean we should avoid the

question.

We've been asking the question for 40 years. What good does it do?

What harm does it do?

Who knows?

Maybe there's some young person out there who will hear us ask the question

his desire to find the answer will save us.

If Bunsen's right, of course, the one thing that we do have is hope.

And as long as we continue to approach the dilemma with humanity and morality,

that hope won't be wasted.

Dad? Yes, honey?

Is it all right if I leave the shelter?

What for?

I'd just like to go outside for a while and look at the stars, walk in the

grass, breathe.

I think Katie's right.

Why don't we all take a breather?

Yeah, let's do that.

You coming, Kraus?

Well, what should I do about the computer?

I'm sorry, but the war you have been conducting has been temporarily

disconnected.