Original subtitles

Good morning, Kraus. Ah, Benson!

What are you doing here on a Sunday afternoon?

The governor and I are going to play some golf.

Well, go on, say it.

The governor and I are going to play some golf.

Come on, Benson. I know you're dying to make some stupid remark about my hair.

No, no, no. Today is Sunday. Let's give it a rest.

Go on. Tell me to enter my head in a roller derby.

Ask me if I'm picking up radio signals.

Oh, cross.

Come on. It's a perfect opportunity for one of your dumb cracks.

You mean like who does your hair, U .S. Steel?

Yeah, like that.

Oh, Crouch, you're so easily satisfied.

Believe me, I can do better.

That's all right.

Like, first we had the punk look, and now we got the junk look.

Okay. Or do you dye your hair or just paint it with Rastoli?

Okay, okay.

Or don't look now, Crouch, but there's a fleet of Japanese cars parked on your

head.

Enough already.

Don't stop me now. I'm on a roll.

Hi, Benson.

Daddy's upstairs trying to find his driver. He'll be down in a minute.

Well, he's looking in the wrong place. His driver's outside washing the limo.

Perhaps we use the driver to drive the ball.

I thought you hit the ball.

We do.

With the driver.

Well, okay, but he isn't going to like it.

I'm not even at the golf course and already I'm teed off.

All right, that's enough. All set.

Ah, good. You find your driver?

Isn't he outside washing the limo?

Oh, is that a new watch? Yeah.

Jennifer brought it back from Switzerland.

Well, play the music for him, Benson.

So it plays the Stars and Stripes forever, huh? No, it just seems like

Well, we've got to get going. Katie, don't forget your homework.

I won't.

See you later. Bye.

See you at dinner, Miss Cross. Get out!

No, she just looks like that roller.

Oh,

Clayton, what are you doing here on a Sunday?

Oh, sir, I was concerned about the labor legislation. I'm sure you're going to

get a few questions on it at the press conference tomorrow. I thought I'd

it and prepare some responses.

Do you need me for that?

Oh, no, sir. Why should you miss this glorious Sunday afternoon?

Besides...

So many Sundays.

What's one more?

I feel a little guilty about Clayton working today.

Yeah, me too.

But I suppose it'll pass.

Golly, I think I'm over it already.

Oh, sorry, Benson. This is the fifth ball I've hit into the woods.

Seventh.

You're probably going to have to have a five iron to get out of here.

You couldn't get out of here with a machete.

Maybe I should get one of those orange balls.

Governor? Yeah?

It's night.

Can we call it a day?

Benson, this is the first time I've been able to relax in six weeks. Just two

more holes, huh?

Okay. Two more holes or midnight.

Whichever comes first.

Isn't it beautiful out here? So quiet. So serene. So dark. So deserted.

What time is it?

$6 .48.

Gee, that is a nifty watch. Does it play any Glenn Miller?

Do you want to find your golf ball or do you want to dance?

One more hole.

But let's find my ball.

I don't know how we can with no light.

Thank you.

It's a spaceship.

Benson?

Benson?

Benson?

Incredible thing I've ever seen.

Looks like any other golf ball to me.

Are you okay?

I'm sure.

What did they do to you?

Who? Them.

What was it like up there?

Up where?

Up there.

What did they look like? What are you talking about? The UFO.

Benson, you just took a ride on a UFO.

Oh, I did?

Yeah.

No, the one that just hovered over our heads and beamed you aboard.

Oh, holy mackerel, it was huge. It looked like a giant fudgesicle with

lights. I don't saw anything like it. Fast!

Are

you

feeling okay?

I am serious.

The UFO zapped you aboard and then you were gone.

Gone? I've been here.

You've been gone for at least ten minutes.

Look at your watch. I don't want to bother my watch.

Look at your watch.

I don't have my watch.

Oh.

Where is my watch, Governor?

They must have taken it when you were on board the ship. Oh, really?

Pickpockets from outer space.

Benson, don't you remember anything?

I remember we were playing golf, and not counting this hole, you owe me $7.

Amnesia. They took your watch and erased your memory. So this is your way of

trying to get out of the bet.

I've got to think.

No, no, no time to think. I've got to take action. What are we going to do?

on, Benson, think.

think. Well, if you're not going to pay me the money you owe me, I think you

should go home and get a good night's sleep. No, no, no. I've got to notify

First Hall of Pentagon, the President.

This is big, really big.

Well, it was amazing.

It was the most gigantic fudgesicle you can imagine.

Sir, I just...

Spoke with the Air National Guard. As you know, the Army is in the area

conducting top -secret tests. It's possible that's what you saw.

You're trying to tell me that the Army has a top -secret fudgesicle?

Sir, Benson was on the golf course with you. How is it he saw nothing?

I told you, the aliens erased his mind.

How can you tell?

Kraus, not now.

I think they were trying to communicate with us.

Uh -huh.

I see what you mean. Have you called the doctor?

Yes, he said he'd rush right over first thing Monday morning.

Perfectly all right. Well, you do seem a little warm. I know what I saw.

The aliens zapped him aboard and then took off.

Governor, if I were in a spaceship, don't you think I would have remembered?

Well, I believe you, Governor.

There's all kinds of evidence that creatures from other planets have

Earth. Some are still here.

Okay, I'm here. My lovers are just arriving.

Pete, I'm sorry to interrupt your date, but I have something really big.

What would be your reaction if I were to tell you that this evening I saw a UFO?

What's the punchline?

It looked like a fudgesick.

I don't get it. Pete, I saw a UFO.

He's kidding.

You're kidding.

You're not kidding?

You're not kidding. He's not kidding.

Don't tell anybody.

Wait a minute. Did you tell anybody?

Good. Don't. He's not kidding. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Did you say that

looked like a fudgesicle? Yes.

Hmm. They usually look like cigars.

What do you know about it? I know a cigar can fly and a fudgesicle can't.

it can. I saw it.

I'm going to talk to the press.

Sir, I strongly advise you not to go public with this.

Why? Well, sir, the public tends not to trust people who see flying saucers. The

slightest breath of this could ruin your entire political career.

Do you believe me?

Sir, I believe you've been working very hard lately and you're under a great

deal of pressure.

What about you, Bunsen? You think I'm loopy, too?

Loopy would be a little strong.

Confused would be closer.

Pete, you believe me?

What do I look like, a puff brain?

Candice? Oh, certainly.

Intergalactic travel is a mathematical possibility.

But I don't think you could do it in a fudgesicle.

Especially if you fly too close to the sun.

Maybe that's why they came at night.

All right, everybody.

Would you please excuse me and Benson? Of course, Governor. I appreciate it.

Hurry up, or I'll miss the beginning of the movie.

Sir, did you want me to cancel tomorrow morning's monthly press conference? Sir,

I think this is a very good idea. No, I will be fine.

Fine. Good night. Good night, sir.

Sir, if I were you, I'd keep that fudgicle on ice.

See, what I don't understand is why they took Benson on board.

Well, maybe they wanted a typical human specimen.

Better luck next time.

Don't worry, Cross. You'll get your chance.

They're coming back for plant life.

Benson.

Are you sure you don't remember anything?

Governor, for your sake, I wish I could say I did. I've got to have some proof.

Well, my advice is why don't you just get a good night's sleep and tomorrow

things will look brighter.

Yeah, I suppose.

You're glowing.

Yeah, not much.

These are my notes on the new budget bill.

Also, the press will want to know about the auto inspection fee that's on page

four. Well, thank you, Benson. One other thing before we go. Now, you're not

going to mention about the, you know... No, no, you and Clayton have made your

point. I'm not going to go blabbing to the press about my close encounter on

golf course. Good.

Unless you would care to back up my story.

Governor, I'm sorry. I really don't remember what you want me to remember.

But you glowed in the dark. But I don't anymore. Oh, it was probably due to some

phosphorus in my laundry detergent.

Laundry detergent? You've never done the dark before.

Benson, why don't you believe me?

Governor, look at it this way. If I came into your office one morning and said

that I saw little green men landing on the freeway, would you believe me?

Well, I would try to believe you because you're my friend.

Well, guys, we got some bad news.

The fudgesicles hit the fan.

The press knows about the governor's sighting. What?

Somebody must have leaked it.

Governor, did you tell anybody else about that? Of course not.

Just Harold, my barber.

Maybe you better cancel the press conference.

No, no, no. The only thing to do is go in there and face them. Tell my story.

You've always been honest with the media.

They're going to eat him alive.

Governor Gaffney will be joining us momentarily. I'll ask you to keep your

questions brief and to the point. You're allowed one follow -up question. Ah,

here he is now.

All right, ladies and gentlemen.

I'll get to all of you. Take your seats, please. Take your seats, Governor. Take

my advice. Keep smiling and deny everything.

Governor. Governor. Yes, Governor.

Governor, there's been a rumor making its way around the Capitol that you were

involved in a UFO sighting. That is correct.

Why can't he lie?

Governor. Governor. Next question, Paul. Wait a minute, Governor, about the UFO.

Exactly where was it? What did it look like?

Oh, please don't say it.

Like a fudgesicle about the size of a school bus.

He never listens to me.

I was kind of hoping we'd all be going to Washington with the governor.

Yeah, me too. I guess we can kiss our aspirations goodbye.

If I have this, Governor, you claim that you saw a fudgesicle as big as a school

bus flying over the golf course, correct?

Well, now, Susan, it wasn't actually a fudgesicle. It was a spaceship piloted

some form of intelligent life. Oh, there were little green men in this

fudgesicle. Wait a minute. I never said anything about little green men.

Governor, what color were they? I don't know, Paul. They stayed inside the

fudgesicle.

Yes, I know this is a little difficult to believe. No, not at all, Governor.

weeks ago, my son saw the tooth fairy.

Well, now we have all had quite a good laugh over this and wasted a lot of

so let's move on to another subject.

Now, as you know, we have prepared the budget for the new fiscal year.

Yes, and I'd be happy to field any questions you have about the new budget.

a minute, Dubois. We want to get to the bottom of the flying fudgesicle. Well,

Susan, forget about the flying fudgesicle for a moment.

How do you expect us to take the governor seriously, I mean, after this?

That's not fair. Governor Gatling is known throughout the state for his

and integrity.

Do you expect us to believe him? Well, I expect you to consider his record and

give him the benefit of the doubt.

Do you believe him? Governor Gatling has my complete trust.

So you're saying that you believe in the flying fudgesicle?

Yes.

This entire administration is going to be laughed out of office.

Not me. I didn't have anything to do with this.

Governor, had you and Mr. Dubois been drinking at the clubhouse?

They're back.

Buddy, it isn't going very well, is it?

I believe those were Custer's exact words.

Good morning.

Don't worry about it. I've seen them already.

There's darn recipes in this paper.

I've already seen the papers.

Did you see the cartoon in the courier?

No. What'd they say?

It shows you and the governor riding a bicycle side saddle.

I beg your pardon? Side saddle. Here it is.

Oh,

they're really having a field day at our expense.

Oh, there's even talk that the governor might have to resign.

Nah.

This'll blow over.

Blow over? Do you know there is one editorial that claims the governor is

after the E .T. vote?

I hate to run into that ugly little thing.

I heard you were the reason he went home.

I'm sorry, sir, but I just do not believe that this thing is going to blow

Someone has to be sacrificed.

Now, I think the only thing to be done is you have to issue a statement saying

that Benson came to you with this preposterous story and... Do go

on.

No one's going to resign, Clayton. We've just got to sit this one out. So far,

it's not so bad. Not so bad? Every paper in the state is playing up this story.

They're treating it like a joke. They're treating you like a joke. Wait a

minute, wait a minute. Here's a nice mention in the West River Gazette.

inviting the governor to participate in their annual liar's contest.

I'll be in my office.

I just got off the phone with research.

According to our telephone polls, the governor is in better shape than

The numbers, Peter. Tell us the numbers.

68 % admire the governor for speaking out. All right, let's hear it for the...

Wait, Paul! That is terrific!

Would this UFO business have helped you, governor? You think so? Sure.

Only 54 % of the people admired you before.

I think you brought all the don't knows into our column.

68 % of the people believe me.

No, no, no, no, no. 68 % admire you.

11 % believe you.

Oh, that means 89 % of the people think I'm a cuckoo bird.

But they admire you for it.

This is true. This is true. Now, these numbers get us off the hook.

But they don't believe me. Who cares as long as they admire you?

Clayton's right. We've come out of this thing smelling like a rose.

Only 11 % believe me. Would you call that smelling like a rose?

More like fertilizer.

Hi, Ben. Hi, Daddy.

Hi, honey.

Daddy, I've been thinking.

Maybe what you saw was one of those Japanese kites.

Yeah, I suppose.

And that noise you heard was probably just a golf cart.

Yeah, probably.

Well, see you later. I've got early band rehearsal.

Bye -bye. Bye -bye.

Your own daughter doesn't believe you either. Her science teacher told her it

was highly unlikely, and he gave her some book by Carl Sagan.

You don't mind my saying so, Governor. I think you're letting this whole thing

get to you.

Benson, tell me the truth.

Do you believe in the flying fudgesicle?

Well, no.

I didn't think so.

But I believe in you, and if you say you saw it, that's good enough for me.

Nelson, you want to go with me? Out to the golf course tonight?

Weren't you out there last night? I want to see him again.

You want to go with me?

Well, as much as I would like to, I've got a date with Jennifer.

Bring her along.

Well, sir.

I'm sorry to say she's one of the 89%. I sure hope they come back

tonight. Do you think it's a good idea to keep going out there?

I have to, Benson.

Why? They don't know where I live.

Oh, it's just me.

I thought you had a date.

I did, but Jennifer had to work.

Have you seen anything?

Just a lot of shooting stars.

Isn't that the Big Dipper?

It's so big.

That's probably why they call it the Big Dipper.

No, I mean all of it.

Space.

The final frontier.

Catchy.

You really want to see this thing, don't you?

Oh, yeah.

I mean, let's face it. The way things are today, we can use all the outside

we can get.

How long have you been out here? A couple of hours.

Maybe he's not coming back tonight.

No, I guess not.

It does look like a fudgesicle.

Well... That was something, you know?

That was really something.

They communicated with us through music. What do you think that means?

I guess they don't know the lyrics.

That was the Stars and Stripes forever. I knew it. They do have your watch.

Not anymore.

It's back on my wrist.

Well, maybe that's why they came back.

Maybe.

I wish they would have stayed. We still don't know anything about them.

We know one thing.

What? They're honest.

What do they talk about?

Where do their kids go to school?

Are they tall, skinny, fat, blue?

Maybe we'll never know.

They must want to know something about us. Why didn't they land?

They're probably shy.

Guess there's no reason to stay here, huh?

Yeah.

We saw what we came to see.

Might as well go on home, huh?

Yeah.

Might as well.

Good morning, Kraus.

Benson, how would you like to go to the moon?

Kraus, all I said was good morning, for goodness sake.

Oh, I'm talking about this article.

People are signing up for trips on the space shuttle.

Isn't it amazing the progress we've made?

And it goes to the moon?

Well, not right away.

The trip starts off in Houston, goes around in space for three days, and then

lands in California.

You call that progress?

Make the same trip by bus in a day and a half.

Don't you really want to go to the moon?

Well, what on earth would I do on the moon?

They don't have a decent hotel, no decent restaurants. They don't even have

cable TV.

Yeah, but, Benson, if you were out in space, you might run into some strange

creature.

I can get that just coming into the kitchen.