Original subtitles

Hi, Denise.

Hello.

You're still mad at me, huh?

I've never been so embarrassed in my life.

Denise, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to see me like that.

Your dinner invitation was for 8 o 'clock. I got there right on time, and

come to the door in your underwear.

What am I supposed to think?

Well, I didn't know you were going to be on time. I was making spaghetti sauce.

I didn't want to get my clothes dirty.

Are you still upset?

Well, not Mom.

She used to work at the Veterans Hospital.

But Daddy wants to have you arrested.

I have a right to walk around my apartment in my underwear.

Look, I don't think we should see each other for a while, at least not until

Daddy's calmed down.

Good morning.

Good morning, Benson.

Benson, how'd that TV thing go yesterday?

You didn't watch it?

Hey, kids are bad early on a Sunday.

Priests? Football players?

Guys you suck are into doing stupid talk shows?

You didn't go on with that attitude, did you? You should have seen it, Pete. He

was really cute.

You were cute on Face the Issues? I wasn't even awake on Face the Issues. It

six o 'clock in the morning.

Benson, these shows are important.

There's an election year coming up.

If you want the governor to get re -elected, you have to do your part. I

I'll vote for him. That's not enough.

They won't let me vote more than once.

But you could be at Channel 17 tonight at 11 .30. Yeah, and I could be at home

getting some sleep.

You're going to be the main guest on that talk show after hours.

Main guest? Who are the others?

Yeah, a guy who wrote a book about trains, a beauty consultant, the dog

Annie, and you.

The dog from Annie?

I'm not about to try to explain the economy between arts.

If you don't mind, I'll pass on this.

You're not giving me much notice. I'm giving you about as much notice as you

gave me.

Ah, Peter, here you are, anywhere but in your own office.

If this is a draft of the governor's speech, you may release it to the press.

Thank you, Clayton. No, I don't want to talk to you in one second. Benson,

you've got to do this for me.

I already promised that somebody from the governor's staff would be there.

I've done enough of those things. Ask Clayton.

Ask Clayton what?

It's a good idea. You'd be perfect for this spot.

Now, Peter, I am not interested in one of your harebrained schemes.

This is your big chance, Clayton. He wants you to appear on TV with a

star.

Oh? Well, let's discuss this over coffee.

Tell me about the story. No, no, don't tell me. I want to be surprised.

Here's your mail, Benson. I'm going on a coffee break. Coffee break? You've only

been at work 15 minutes.

I know, but Captain McDermott just called, and he's on his way over, and

rather not be here.

I'd rather hate him.

Hello, Captain McDermott. Hello there, little lady. Looking mighty attractive

today.

Thank you.

You sure know how to pick him, Benson.

You sure know how to offend him.

What do you want, McDermott? Simple answers, Benson.

What's your idea of shooting down my new security budget?

Too much money. Simple enough?

Benson, we've got to beef up security.

Fine. Put Krause on the front gate.

There's no joking matter. Now, as you know... I recently attended a terrorist

convention.

You wouldn't believe some of the stuff they've got there. I saw an electronic

eavesdropping device that can pick up the sound of a snail crawling through

garden. McDermott, I can't see spending a taxpayer's money on stuff like that.

Sure, sure. Wait till the last minute.

You're the kind of guy to try to put on a seatbelt in the middle of an accident.

Why take chances?

McDermott, life is a chance. We fly in planes without parachutes. We cross

against the light.

We get an express lane at the supermarket with more than ten items?

Fine, Benson, fine.

But if some crazy busts in here and splatters your brains all over the wall,

don't say I didn't warn you.

Thank you, Mr. Sunshine.

Well,

Benson, I saw you on television yesterday morning.

You got up at six o 'clock just to watch me?

Yeah, it was versed.

Just to turn your sound off.

You didn't hear what I said about you.

You mentioned my name on TV?

Kind of.

We were discussing government waste.

Good morning, Benson. Hi, Mr. Sass. Good morning, Sugar.

Could I have my lunch in a plain paper bag today?

Why? There's someone in our school doing lunches, but only lunches in paper

bags. But why do you want your lunch stolen?

Mary Lou Fitzgerald and I are going to trap the bandit. We're using my lunch as

bait. The lunch Kraus gave you?

Don't you want to catch him alive?

All right, Katie, I'll put your lunch in a paper bag.

Good morning, everyone.

Good morning.

Lovely day, isn't it?

What is that?

Must be a new maid.

Are you finished with the paper?

Ma 'am?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, Katie.

Cool buffet here.

Thank you, sir.

Bye, everybody. See you later.

Bye -bye. See you later, Katie.

Uh, Benson?

Huh?

Who is that woman?

I thought she worked for you.

No.

Excuse me, ma 'am.

You can call me Nellie, daughter of Osiris.

She's the daughter of Osiris.

I'm here to see the governor.

Morning, everybody.

Good morning, Governor.

Good morning, sir.

Oh, hello. I don't think we've met. I'm Gene Gunn.

I'm Nellie Vanderwig. Oh. And I have a message for you, Governor.

Starships from Alpha Centauri will be landing here at the Capitol within the

hour.

Oh. Well.

Thank you, Nellie, for bringing that to my attention.

One of their scout ships brought me over here today.

I didn't see any scout ship.

First thought, I told it not to wait.

Nellie, why don't we call another scout ship and have them take you home?

I can't do that right now. I'm supposed to bring the governor to the landing

site. Governor, don't you have other business elsewhere in the mansion?

It's all right, Benson. I'm sure Nellie doesn't mean us any harm.

Oh, no.

I'm an advanced bee.

See?

And even if I did want to harm you, you couldn't stop me.

Rays from my eyes can incinerate human flesh.

Well, Nellie, they call me Benson, son of Ben.

I, too, am an advanced bee.

What advanced bee?

I feel that this woman wishes you ill, son of Ben.

Nellie, you don't know the half of it.

Should I incinerate her?

Could you just toast her a little?

Ben, son.

Well, never mind. Would you like to accompany me?

Where are you taking me? If you don't mind, I'd like to introduce you to

McDermott. Is he an advanced being?

Only compared to Krauss.

I'm sorry I'm late.

Where's McDermott? He called his meeting. Well, he should be here. Do you

suppose it slipped his mind?

He wouldn't have far to slip.

Come in, Captain.

Morning, Governor. Morning, soldier.

All right, you men know why I called this briefing.

Benson, we're going over the top at 0100.

It's about the security budget.

Today, a 65 -year -old woman breached our perimeter. And how did that happen?

Well, we figured she slipped in with a help. Oh, that explains it. Or she came

in with a tour.

That's good, too.

Or she vaulted over the back wall.

Maybe Mr. Spock beamed her down.

Well, she inflicted no casualties, fortunately.

So after thorough questioning, she was released from our custody.

You're lucky she didn't get you with her death ray eyes.

Benson, you don't believe in that stuff, do you?

Death rays?

Star people aren't violent.

McDermott, you must do all your reading in the supermarket checkout line.

What is the point of all this? It was a 65 -year -old woman.

Mm -hmm.

And next time, it could be 65 bomb -tossing bolsheviks.

Come on, he's getting carried away. He's paranoid.

Well, Benson, up till this morning, I might have agreed with you, but what if

the 65 -year -old lady had been somebody who wanted to harm Katie or me or any

of us?

I think we need to reconsider Captain McDermott's security ideas.

What for?

One of McDermott's men slipped up and let a harmless little old lady in the

house. That's no reason to spend thousands of dollars on electronic snail

I'm not going to make my decision right away, but I wanted you to know in case I

decide to ask for the allocation.

Okay. All right, Governor, the ball's in your court. Yes, Captain, I know.

And as for you, Benson, back off.

You don't seem to understand the problem we have in security.

I don't have to understand it, McDermott. I'm looking at it.

Thank you.

I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean to startle you.

Oh, you didn't startle me. You scared the pants off me. Good thing you're

wearing a robe.

I've been listening to McDermott all day long, and I guess I'm a little jumpy.

Yeah, he's blowing this whole thing out of proportion.

There's no reason to be jumpy. Oh, you're right.

Oh,

I'm sorry.

Sorry. Sorry.

I couldn't sleep. I'm excited about... Not tomorrow.

Is there something special about tomorrow?

Yeah, we've got a foolproof plan to catch the lunch bandit. But your plan

work today.

It half worked. He stole my lunch.

So, what's tomorrow's plan?

Doug O'Dell's father's a dentist.

He's going to give us some of those little tablets you chew up to stain your

teeth. And you are going to put them in your lunches. What a great idea.

Yeah. Then when we find someone with purple teeth, we'll have the bandit. I

think you better get back to bed.

Yeah, come on. I'll tuck you in.

Benson, what are you doing here? Pete told me you had a television interview

tonight. Clayton's filling in for me. Oh.

Well, I guess we should watch it. What time's it on?

Don't worry. We already missed it.

Too bad.

Yes, it is.

I'll get it.

Hello.

Yes, this is the governor.

Where is he?

All right, I'll be right there.

Benton, I want you to come with me.

Where? County Hospital.

Somebody hurt?

Clayton. He was leaving a television studio and he got mugged.

All right, Clayton. What did you do right after the

guy hit you with a rock?

I did what anyone else would do. I started to bleed.

Don't get mad at me, fella. You're the guy that parked in the dark corner of

that parking lot. I always park away from everyone else. I don't like to get

fenders dented.

So you got your head dented instead, huh? Got to have it examined.

Captain McDermott, can we just stick to the subject, please?

This guy's a mugger's dream, Governor.

Now, what happened after you got hit with the rock?

Oh, Governor, I have a headache. I've already given this information to the

police. Captain McDermott, just double -checking, please.

Come in.

Oh, Benson, Captain McDermott is reviewing what happened last night, and

you took Clayton home from the hospital, he wants to ask you some questions.

I only know what Clayton told me.

All right, Benson, did anything about Clayton's story strike you as unusual?

Only the fact that he was mugged and they didn't steal anything.

They didn't take anything?

You didn't know that?

I'll ask the questions around here, Benson.

They didn't take anything? He just told you no.

Well, what's the point in mugging somebody if you don't take anything?

Well, if money was not the motive, something else had to be.

Now, what does that leave?

Lust.

I've had enough of this levity. I'm going to my office. Hold it.

Suppose they were after Clayton.

Ah, you mean this wasn't just a random mugging. They were after me. You think

this was an assassination attempt.

With a rock.

A lot of crazies out there have got gripes against the government, Benson.

guys are easy targets.

You mean somebody attacked Clayton because he was angry at the government?

It's part of the sickness that's spreading through our society, Governor.

with the preppy look.

Benson, if McDermott is right, this is very serious.

Look, the guy hit Clayton. Clayton didn't go down. The guy split. Now, what

you trying to prove, McDermott? My point, Benson.

Everybody in this government needs protection.

There are crazies out there. We have got to beef up security.

Are you going to start that again?

Well, Benson, he's not wrong.

Clayton did a stupid thing.

What? Clayton, you should have known better. Alone in a dark parking lot in a

bad section of town, you got mugged. Didn't you see where's Papa?

What is this man talking about?

Just because you were mugged doesn't mean there's a conspiracy against the

government. You may be right, Benson, but if somebody attacked Clayton because

he's in this government, which one of us might be next?

Captain McDermott, I want you to give immediate attention to the protection of

our people.

Top priority, sir.

Sorry to shoot you down on this one, Benson.

But I'm a big man. I'm not going to gloat.

Yahoo!

Oh,

Katie. Your guard is ready to drive you to school.

I put your lunch in the lunchbox and more lots of paper bags.

Oh, that's all right. We found out who was stealing our lunches.

Your little trick with the things that stain the teeth worked, huh?

Yeah, when we found the bandit, he had purple teeth.

Well, who was it? The janitor's dog.

Morning, Katie. Good morning, Miss Krause. Good morning, Clayton.

Good morning, Lewis.

Uh, Clayton, doesn't he ever talk?

Not while he's on duty. He's here for my protection, not conversation.

If I wanted chit -chat, I'd have Dick Cabot following me around.

Good morning, Benson.

I thought you said it was safe in here.

Good morning, Walter.

Sheesh. What a silent Sam.

Horrible job.

Have to listen to Krausen. Can't talk Mac.

Well, the doctor took my stitches out this morning.

Did he give you a balloon?

Morning, everybody.

Morning, Charlie.

Isn't this a lovely day?

It's things like this that make me miss the wide open spaces.

I miss the wide open kitchen.

He has a point, fellas.

Hi, Jim. Hi, Charlie.

Nothing.

Did Katie get off all right?

Oh, God, drove her to school.

Hope he doesn't mind repeating the sixth grade.

Hey, guys. Hi, Pete.

Cool,

I'm just getting bought.

Hi, Jerry.

Hi.

Oh, Benson, McDermott wants another security meeting today.

More security?

Doesn't he have enough?

There is no such thing as enough security. I've learned my lesson.

You have to insulate yourself against the criminal element.

It's become very frightening.

Yeah, it's every man for himself.

That's why I bought a weapon.

Peter, you have a gun?

Now that's frightening.

I bought a pool cue. It's much better than a gun. You don't have to load it,

don't have to aim it.

But you do have to chug it.

I always carry a can of mace.

Really?

Mace? Pool cues? Armed guards?

Where's it all gonna end?

People act like you're scared to death.

Shouldn't we be?

Morning, Denise.

Good morning, Benson.

Uh, what's wrong with my door?

They had new locks installed last night. They're electronic.

Electronic? Do they open? Uh -huh, with a nine -digit code. Nine digits, huh?

One more digit and I can call Puerto Rico.

Thank you.

Oh, no, Benson.

You're supposed to memorize it. Oh, I see. An unlisted door.

And you had a phone call this morning of Gloria Hampton. Oh, Gloria Hampton.

I've been trying to get in touch with her for three weeks. What'd she say? Oh,

well, first she said hello.

Then she wanted to know if you were here. And I said you weren't, so she

if she could leave a message. And I said, sure, let me get a pencil.

Can I just have the message, Denise?

Oh, yes.

She wanted to have lunch with you today. Here's her number. Great. Call Smitty.

Tell him I want a reservation for two at one o 'clock. Three.

Three o 'clock? No, three people. You, Gloria, and Walter, your guy.

The guy's been going once with me. He has to.

No, no, no, no, no. If Gloria decides to attack me, I don't want J. Edgar Hoover

to interfere.

Call the rest of them.

Very funny, Benson.

I want you to memorize that number.

McDermott, I don't need you to annoy me now. I got Walter.

I have your security kit here.

Identification tag to be worn at all times. ID card to be carried at all

And a sticker for your car.

Where's my secret decoder ring?

Benson, security is no joking matter.

Now, if Julius Caesar had listened to his security people, he'd be alive

But he'd be very old.

Are your windows working?

I think so. I see a tree.

No, no, no. I mean the alarms.

All these windows have been wired now.

Including this one in your bathroom here.

Don't open any of them until you call my office.

And one more thing.

Security meeting in the governor's office this afternoon.

And memorize that number.

How do I get in the bathroom?

Oh, 37103. Okay, hold it, hold it.

3710. 306.

306. 5 -4.

5 -4.

Nellie, I don't know how you got in here, but could you wait right here a

minute?

And one last thing.

I want every senior staff member to qualify on the pistol ring. Captain

McDermott, I really don't want to fire a gun.

Security's not my job. It's your job.

Yes, sir, I know that, but what if your guard has to go to the can?

He's right, sir. We could cover him.

All I'm saying, sir, is that one day it might come down to you protecting your

own hide. Governor, isn't this security business just getting a little silly?

We've lost track of reality.

We can't live our lives behind electronic fences with dogs and

everybody carrying a weapon. I mean, we're putting ourselves in prison rather

than going out and changing those things. That causes a problem.

You can't change human nature, Benson.

You've got to realize we all stink.

There's a lovely thought for a Mother's Day card.

Well, if you don't want to harm yourself, it's fine with me, Benson.

But everybody on the street's packing a rod.

So that's our choice.

Carry a gun or hide.

want to live in a fortress either, Benson, but what else can we do?

Governor, if we separate ourselves from the people, if we stop trusting each

other, it's just gonna get worse.

I mean, we've got to go out there and do our job unafraid. That's what we signed

on for.

And these security measures will guarantee your safety, so you can do

McDermott, there are no guarantees. If somebody's determined to get you,

no way you can stop them. He doesn't know what he's talking about, sir.

I'd like to see somebody get in this mansion.

I was hoping you'd say that.

Hello, Governor.

Captain McDermott.

It's nice to see you again.

How did she get in here?

I found her in my office and I brought her down here a few minutes before the

meeting. How did she get into your office?

Nellie? I came in with that nice man who installed all your locks.

He even gave me a hard -boiled egg.

But I can't eat eggs.

I worship them.

Thank you, Nellie.

Would you mind waiting outside for me?

As you wish, Senator Ben.

I don't know about you, Captain McDermott, but I feel a little foolish.

I think we'll just go back to the usual security and cancel those bodyguards.

You're the boss, Governor.

Hope you're satisfied, Benson.

McDermott, man to man, with you on the job, I feel safe.

Oh, that kind of makes my day, soldier.

Keep your powder dry, Ace.

That's what I mean, that. With McDermott on the job, you feel safe?

A lot safer than I would with him roaming the streets.

Hey, how come nobody picked me up from school today?

I guess it was a mix -up, Katie.

McDermott must have canceled your driver.

ever tell me these things.

I had to walk all the way home. It took me two hours.

Two hours?

It's only eight blocks.

Well, I stopped at the video arcade for a while.

Mm -hmm.

Then I went to Perkins Pharmacy to see if the new Doctor Strange comics were

Then I went to the stationery store to get some paper, but they had the wrong

kind. So I ended up getting this mouse that you put at the end of your pencil.

That's basically you.

Came straight home.

Oh, I suppose when you were a kid, you came straight home.

We're not talking about me.

We are now.

Why don't you run along and do your homework?

Oh, I see. You can dish it out, but you can't take it.

Speak to the governor about that, kid. She's spending too much time with