Original subtitles

Hello?

Mrs. Loomis, you've only been my housekeeper two weeks and already you've

three keys.

Okay, put the landlord on.

Hello, Ab - Abdul.

No, it's okay, man. You can let her in. It's all right. Don't worry about it.

Put Mrs. Loomis back on.

Mrs. Loomis, the dishwasher is still broken, so you'll have to do the dishes

the sink.

Did I say something funny?

Bring home paper plates.

What is that?

Marcy, what is... Uh... Excuse

me. Excuse me.

What is this?

Mozart's Eine kleine Nachtmusik, the Allegro portion.

You wouldn't happen to have a smaller portion, would you?

Could I see you in my office, sir?

When's the last time you heard music like that? Last time I was on an

Look, uh, Mr... Selby, Frederick Selby of the State Arts Council. I have a nine

o 'clock appointment.

You always travel with a backup band?

Let's see. Mr. DuBois, we're protesting a cut you made on the Arts Council

budget. We've had to cancel our entire concert season.

Then what is this, a benefit?

Well, we're here to convince you to restore our funding.

It's only $7 ,000.

I didn't recommend that cut. It was made by the former budget director, Henry

Dillon. Where's he?

Shady Grove Memorial Park.

Guess I'll have to talk to you.

Unless you have connections.

Is that a polite way of saying stop the music?

Well... We expected you to say that. You expected me to say well?

We're stating the sit -in because we're sick and tired of taking it on the chin

every time someone complains about government spending.

You can only push us so far.

Mr. Selby, I understand the problem and I sympathize with you. I'll look into it

and see if I can help. In the meantime, there's no need for a sit -in, right?

Wrong. We're staying and playing until we get our money back.

What's this, a list of your demands?

The rest of today's program.

We're featuring Riker, Bartok, Hindemith, and Stockhouse.

Aren't these the guys that developed the bomb?

Very amusing, Mr. Barth. But I warn you, we intend to make things very

unpleasant for you.

So do the guys who developed the bomb.

I don't want to hear your excuses.

Well, Gretchen, this is it. My last day.

Now, look, Schweitzer.

Either you get those 14 hams over here by two o 'clock, or I'll come down there

and nail your giblets to the wall.

Trouble with the butcher?

That's the least of my problems.

I'm really going to miss the chaos around here. They keep adding people to

stupid banquet.

Yep, Dan and I leave for Buffalo tomorrow morning. I'll be lucky if I see

tomorrow morning.

I just can't believe this is my last day. I wish this was my last banquet.

Well, I'll tell you, it's my last move. I hate it.

And it's very hard to pack and cry at the same time.

I kept thinking about leaving all of you.

It's like losing a part of me.

Well, I'm sure it will turn up someplace.

What? Whatever it was, you lost.

I was talking about leaving.

Krauss, why are Schweitzer calling me? Didn't you tell him I don't handle that

anymore? Tell him yourself, Benson. I got big problems. At least we agree on

something.

Well, I guess some things will never change, even after I'm gone.

I wish those musicians were gone.

Musicians? The one staging a sit -in in my office.

What are you talking about?

Selby from the Arts Council. He brought his whole band with him. They're in

there now playing the top ten from the 1700s.

Do you want me to go in and talk to them? You can't go in until after

intermission.

I didn't know they were going to bring a whole group. Don't blame me.

Well, who am I going to blame? The composers are dead.

Besides, you made the appointment.

Would you stop giving me a hard time? This is my last day.

And you haven't even found me a secretary yet.

I need one now, today.

Oh, what about the woman from the secretarial pool? She types 90 words a

Yeah, and all of them wrong.

Now, there's a Denise Stevens coming in this morning. I'm sure she's exactly

what you want.

Fenton, why aren't you in your office working on that appropriations bill?

Because obviously I'm in the kitchen working on a cup of coffee.

Wonderful.

The foundation of the state capitol building begins to crumble. The Senate

the House go into overtime. They rush through a bill so that it can be

And everything screeches to a halt while you have coffee. It's hard to work with

a chamber ensemble in my office.

You're not listening, Benson.

The Capitol building is sinking into the mud. The Speaker of the House is making

my life a chamber ensemble.

They're sitting in, protesting a budget cut. A sitting? Way to go, Benson. You

know you're doing a good job when people hate you.

In that case, Clayton deserves a raise.

It has been my experience that being nice is counterproductive.

If I were in your shoes, I'd throw those people out. If you were in my shoes,

I'd throw the shoes out.

Benson, Benson, Benson.

Clayton, Clayton.

Look, I'll get to it as soon as I can hear myself think.

Has it ever occurred to you that perhaps there's nothing to hear?

That's one for Clayton. Way to go.

Oh, I'm really going to miss this kind of thing. Hey, that's right.

After today, you're yesterday's news.

How poetic.

Hey, can I have your parking space?

I'll put in a good word for you.

Now, now, Marcy, unlike my insensitive colleague, I empathize. I can well

understand how you must feel on this your last day with cherished friends and

associates. Oh, thank you, Clayton.

Actually, I'm not sure how I feel.

I feel sad about leaving, because I love my job here, and I feel so close to

everyone. Yeah, excuse me, Marcy. Come, come, Peter, we'll do it at the Capitol.

Oh, that was a touching moment.

John, I think we should throw those guys out. They have a right to protest,

Benson. We didn't throw out the veterans or the Indians.

We didn't even throw out the teamsters.

That's because we couldn't throw out the teamsters.

You know what I mean. Good morning, Marcy. Good morning, sir. Oh, dear,

the last time I'm ever going to say that to you.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Does it have something to do with women's lib?

This is my last day. Well, I thought you weren't leaving till Friday.

Today is Friday.

Well, that's why I'm out of shirts.

going to do about those musicians?

I thought we settled all that. No, we didn't settle that. Those guys are in my

way. Oh, all right, Benson.

Does that mean I can throw them out? No, no. It means I'll talk to them the

first opportunity I get. Yeah, but what about that music?

Oh, if it bothers you that much, why don't you work here in the kitchen? I

my time in the kitchen.

Gee, Marcy, we're just sick about you leaving.

Thank you, guys. I'm going to miss you, too.

Dan and I are so excited about going to Buffalo.

Really, honey? Tell us all about it. Fill your guts. We want to hear every

detail of it.

Uh, uh, Katie, I was just... Don't bother, Marcy.

When you've been here as long as I have, you learn to accept things.

I'm not even going to ask about the band.

Come here.

What's going on?

Oh, that. That's music to interview secretaries by.

Wouldn't a stereo be cheaper?

Not only that, I could pull the plug.

Have a seat, Miss Stevens. It's nice to meet you.

I'm Mr. Dubois. I know.

I was just going over your resume.

I know.

I can read upside down.

Oh?

You didn't list it under skills.

Look under hobbies.

Aha.

Let's see now. You graduated from business school with honors and you

year on Wall Street. And then we moved here.

We? The four of us. Me, my mother, my father.

We say there are four of us, but actually there are only three.

Unless you think a Cocker Spaniel can be considered a member of the family.

Depends on the family.

Four of us.

Miss Stevens.

Call me Denise.

All my friends do. My family, too. Including the Cocker Spaniel?

Of course not. He licks my face. If you don't mind, I'll just call you Denise.

You always say whatever pops into your head?

Uh -huh. I know most people watch every word they say, but the truth is they're

afraid to let you know what they're thinking, what they're feeling.

That's no way to go through life. I mean, how can you enjoy anything if

on your guard all the time?

Did I answer the question?

That one and several others.

Now, you work over at the Capitol? Yeah, I started in the secretarial pool at

the legislature, and then I worked two years in the accounting department.

Well, you moved up to sit at the head of the department. Mr.

Camino. Why'd you leave? Mr. Camino.

Uh -huh.

Well, Denise, you certainly seem qualified enough for this job.

You know who's who in the legislature, and you're good with numbers.

So, you know, I'll have to be seeing some other people.

I guess that's it, unless you have something you want to add.

Oh, sure, I don't mind. Just give me the figures.

No, I meant to the conversation.

Oh, no, I don't think so. I mean, if you feel unqualified, why say something

that would mess it up?

Thank you, Mr. Doughboy.

But you can call me Benson.

Thank you, Benson.

Sorry to interrupt you two. Benson, I think you need to take a look at this.

Accounting gave us the wrong figures on the amortization of the new revenue

bond. Oh, you mean I worked this whole thing out?

Based on the wrong set of figures? Well, that's okay. I just spent the last hour

refiguring it on the calculator.

So look, it's not 12 .5 % compounded quarterly on a total of $11 ,379 ,000.

It is 13 .75 % calculated semi -annually on $11 ,462 ,000. So

what's the new total?

$1 ,576 ,025.

She's right.

She is?

Yes. You're hard.

You did all this in your head?

Oh, well, I have this thing for numbers. It's like a second language to me. In

fact, coming through the parking lot today, I memorized all the license

By the way, who has 494115?

I think that's Pete. His radiator's leaking.

That would be Pete.

Denise, you start today.

Marcy will show you the ropes. This way, Denise.

Watch yourself around the bassoon player.

That's it. Marty, call security.

I'm going to have these guys thrown out. It's not a good idea.

Why not?

What are you doing with Katie's cello?

Mozart.

Why are you going to talk to these guys? Well, I can't right now. I've used up

all my free time playing, and I have to go have lunch now with the Speaker of

the House. But don't worry, I'll clear everything up as soon as I get back.

We're taking a short break now, but when we return, we'll be playing a

delightful little piece entitled Bravura Variations on a theme from Moses in

Egypt. Oh, I love Paganini. I prefer fettuccine.

What are you two talking about?

Lunch.

Come on, Denise, we'll eat in the kitchen. Who had the liverwurst on the

week? Thank you. Krauss.

Not so fast, Benson. You didn't even order.

Yes, musicians are like stray dogs. If you feed them, you'll never get rid of

them.

Well, how can they keep going on an empty stomach?

Same way you keep going on an empty head.

If you're so fond of them, take them to the kitchen.

Are you crazy? I wouldn't be able to get any work done.

Hey, Mr. Salmon, I want my copy of Teddy Bear's Picnic. Thank you.

Gee, thanks, Katie. You're a big help. It was Daddy's idea, not mine.

Where is he?

Where is who?

What? Governor Dotling. The press is going to come over. They're going to get

some shots of him playing the cello. Well, how'd they find out about this?

I told them. Pete, restrict your mouth to eating.

Huh?

I mean, the city is trouble enough. I don't need publicity.

Oh, you think this is publicity?

If these guys can hold out a week, I can get you Geraldo Rivera.

If they hold out a week, you can get a new budget director.

Hey, can you touch him? I get that way whenever a mob invades my office.

No, that's good. You take a hard line. The public eats it up.

What is this, Benson? A picnic?

Only if you're a teddy bear.

When are you going to recommend that the governor sign that appropriations bill?

As soon as I find out what the rider is all about. What rider? The rider the

Senate tacked onto the bill. Benson, you're being evasive. And you're being

evicted. You got anything to drink?

Gentlemen, the teddy bear's picnic.

That's it.

I want you out, and I want you out. And most of all, I want you out.

Security, I have a bunch of musicians here in my office, and I want them

out prestissimo.

I specifically told you not to throw them out. You didn't tell me that. You

me that you were going to talk to them. Well, I did.

And what I found out was that these guys donate their time and talent to give

free concerts to the people.

That's $7 ,000 just for expenses.

$7 ,000 or $7 million? What they're doing is extortion. And I can't afford

let a pressure group tell me what to do. Are you saying that I'm giving in to a

pressure group? Well, that's what it looks like. I don't care what it looks

like. Am I interrupting something? Yes.

Well, I was just wondering... Not now, please, Marcia.

I only have to five o 'clock. Once again, we have some privacy.

All you want.

If we give in to these horn tutors, who's next?

Snake charmers?

Now, don't get sarcastic with me, Benson. I'm not getting sarcastic. I'm

angry. Well, so am I. I don't like it when somebody deliberately disobeys a

direct order.

Well, it wasn't a direct order. It was a direct suggestion.

I don't need another Cousin Ralph.

Well, good, because I'm not applying for the job.

What the hell does that mean? Who is Cousin Ralph?

Ralph is running the Gatling Lumber Mill while I'm governor, and whatever I

suggest, he does exactly what he wants to do, which is all right as long as he

takes a responsibility.

Fine, and I'll take the responsibility for throwing those guys out. And you'll

also take the responsibility for solving their problem. Does that mean I have to

find the $7 ,000?

Actually, it's $7 ,180.

Denise? Yeah?

What are you doing here?

some pencils, and one of them rolled onto your desk, and when I went to get

that's when you and the governor came in, and I... Please stop me if I'm

a fool of myself.

It's too late for that.

Governor, this is my new secretary, Denise Stevens.

Well, how do you do?

Where was I? You were telling Benson he had to take responsibility for his

actions.

But then again, you can't hear very well from under a desk.

All right, sir, I'll see if I can find the money. Oh, no, Bunsen, you will find

the money. Should I take that as a direct order? That would be my

Oh, at last, somebody I recognize.

Hi, Margie.

Margie.

What's the trouble, Denise? Oh, for one thing, I thought your name was Margie.

For another, I'm lost. Where's the copying room again? Down the hall and to

right. Oh, I thought it was to the left. It is when you're at the other end of

the hall.

Gotcha. Oh, I don't know what I would have done without you today.

Yeah, I'm invaluable.

You are, and I want to thank you for all your help.

Oh, you're welcome. And I'm sure you're going to like it here.

They're wonderful, wonderful, busy people.

I mean, they're running the state, and that comes first, right?

It's very demanding work, and on some days, there isn't even time for simple

pleasantries, like hi, or how you doing, or goodbye.

Surprise!

Oh, my God.

I had no... You didn't have... I'm so glad you did.

Come on, we'll talk later. Would you cut the cake, Paul?

Now, Marty, did you think we'd let you get a baby without a farewell party?

No, of course not.

Denise, forget what you said. Thank you.

Wow, this is wonderful.

We all chipped in. Big bucks, too.

Clayton made us buy champagne.

Peter, one does not bid farewell to a treasured friend with a six -pack of

beer.

Attention, everybody.

I want to propose a toast.

Benton's not here, though.

That's why I'm having a good time.

To Marcy Hill Slater, the best executive secretary any man or woman ever had.

May your new life be filled with good health, good cheer, and...

I know how to tell a girl goodbye.

Not just any girl.

Oh, dear.

Oh,

they're gorgeous.

Well, Benson, does this mean Mr. Shelby's problems are all solved?

Well, there was nothing to it, sir. I made a quick phone call. I got him a

private sponsor.

Won't cost the taxpayers one thin dime.

Well done, Benson. Thank you, sir. And may I present the Gatling Lumber Mill

Chamber Ensemble.

Lumbermill? Yes, I called your cousin Ralph.

Here it is, fellas.

All

right,

Benton, for the last time, have you finished with that appropriations bill?

Yes, I have, and I put it on the governor's desk.

Well... And it's about time.

And I advised him not to sign it.

Are you telling me we are not going to shore up the Capitol building?

No, I'm telling you we're not going to shore up a bunch of fat politicians.

And that rider they tacked on, they tried to sneak through a new Senate gym.

What's wrong with that?

What's wrong with the old Senate gym? It's two blocks away.

Let him jog over.

They've seen the Speaker of the House weighs 230 pounds.

He can't jog.

He can roll, can't he?

That's it, eh, Benson?

In a nutshell.

And speaking of nutshells, why don't you go back to your office?

Of course.

Certainly.

Benson? Yeah.

Ow!

I said get out!

That's a warm goodbye.

Come on in, Marcy.

I got the last.

Said goodbye to everybody else.

Well, how'd it go?

Well, everybody was wonderful.

With the possible exception of Clayton.

What did he do?

Well, he had the gall to ask me how much Dan and I expected to make from the ad

agency. What'd you tell him? The truth.

The first time I've ever seen Clayton cry.

You look like you've been doing some crying of your own.

Yeah. Became prepared, though I wore industrial -strength mascara.

When's your flight?

Tomorrow morning.

You think you'll come visit us in Buffalo?

You want the truth?

Lie. I'll be there first chance I get.

Oh, I'm going to miss you so much.

Take care of yourself, huh?

You too.

Ah, Denise.

Oh, I hope your first day wasn't anything like Joe Spindler's. Oh, it

Who's Joe Spindler?

Oh, I'm going to love this story.

Governor, I've already lost one secretary today.

Oh, Lisa liked this story, Vance, and so would you. See, Joe Spender came to

work for me at the mill. The lumber mill, right?

Yeah, right, right.

So, Joe came in on the first day. You know, this reminds me of Howard Keel.

What? He was a lumberjack in Seven Brides and Seven Brothers.

Well, Joe actually wasn't a lumberjack. He was a bark stripper.

Anyhow, Joe had never seen a time clock.

I forgot to punch in the...

to punch in. I was here, really. I could go punch in now and stay the whole

night.

Funny, that's what Joe did.

Guess I'll go watch the news.

You're gonna come in real handy around here.