Original subtitles

Kraus!

Kraus, you said this was only going to take a couple of minutes. I've been

standing here and these things have grown five feet.

Quit complaining, Benson.

It's an ideal job for you. All you have to do is stand there.

All you got to do is put them in the pot.

Do not rush me, Benson. I know what I am doing. I feel very close to the soil.

I could always arrange something on a more permanent basis.

Sorry if this has upset you. I know how sensitive you are.

Well, in that case, forget it.

Not you, you clown. I was talking to my plants.

Do they talk to you?

Of course not.

They ain't as dumb as they look.

Do not listen to Vincent Lieblings. The man is a fool.

They know that, Krauss. Otherwise, I wouldn't be standing here with my hands

full of dirt.

I know you love the windowsill, my little ones, but you are getting too

sun. I think you need a drink.

I think you've had one too many.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Would anyone care to take a wild guess where I'm going to be this time next

week? Playing shortstop for the Pittsburgh Pirates.

Please. Well, you said a wild guess. Where will you be, Marcy? Well, I'll

you a hint.

Dancing till all hours, sipping rum drinks, single men fighting over me.

Sounds to me like you're going to be in jail.

No, I'm going to be on a cruise to the Caribbean.

Oh, on a boat?

Well, it's a little difficult to get there in a Buick.

Well, I know it's only going to be for a few weeks, but I'm going to come back

here a different person. Yeah, tan, heavy, and broke.

Well, I don't want to spoil your vacation, Marcy, but the governor will

without you.

Oh, that's sweet of you to say that, Gretchen, but I don't think so. I found

replacement. Her name's Lorraine. She's a terrific secretary.

I trained her myself.

And, uh, Gretchen, she's a wonderful person, so I'm sure you're going to be

awfully nice to her, aren't you?

I am nice to everybody.

Well, almost everybody.

Morning, everyone. Morning.

Your lunch is on the counter, Liebling. Oh, thanks, Miss Krause.

I miss you, Marcy. Well, I'm going to miss you, too, honey.

Well, if somebody doesn't hurry up, you're going to miss school.

But she's going on vacation, Benson.

She's going to be gone for two whole weeks.

Who am I going to talk to while she's gone?

Well, I'll still be here.

And so will I.

That's right, honey.

I know.

There are certain things I only like to talk to you about.

Nothing personal.

It's just Marcy and I have the same taste in men.

We both happen to like her father.

Right back.

You can mind them while I'm gone. Oh, come on, Krauss. Get this plan out of

here. I ain't no babysitter.

How you doing?

Want to have some fun?

When she comes back, lay down and play dick.

Now, do you think you can find your way back to the Xerox room? Uh, next to

the... What about the supply room? Next to the conference room. How about your

way back here? Next to Impossible.

You're going to do just fine.

Oh, I'm glad you'll be here a couple of more days to break me in.

Oh, believe me, Lorraine, you're the only one I trust with this job. You're

good. Oh, thanks.

Just for future reference, the governor doesn't take anything in his coffee.

Okay, and how does Taylor drink his coffee?

By himself.

Lorraine, right? Oh, and you must be Vincent.

Marcy's told me all about you. Well, maybe we can be friends anyway.

to come by and meet you. If things get tough, he's the one to see you. Yeah, I

got the only map to the escape tunnel.

Just give a yell if there's anything I can do to help. Okay.

Well, I don't think she's gonna need any.

Lorraine's already made points with the governor. Oh, well, all I did was listen

to his story about the squirrel and the milkman.

And laughed.

It was funny.

You're right. She's one in a million.

Ah, nothing to do, eh, Benson?

Any messages? I'm expecting a very important phone call. You been writing

phone number on walls again?

been any phone calls, we would have put them right through to you. Ah, so you've

already instructed Lorraine as to our telephone procedures?

Yeah, when the phone rings, you pick it up and say hello.

Now, I'm talking about screening the calls as they come in. Well, yes, Marcy

gave me the list right here. Ah, very good.

Of course, you're aware that we're going to be working very, very closely with

one another.

I hope she's had all her shots.

Amazing. I think Taylor likes you. Oh, I don't think he's so bad.

Compared to nosebleeds, maybe.

Oh, I'm not worried, Benson. I'm lucky, I guess, but I've never met a person I

couldn't get along with.

Well, in that case, I'd like you to meet Miss Krause.

Hi, I'm Lorraine Sanders.

How do you do?

Is this your lovely coat?

Oh, yes, it is. Thank you. Somehow your lovely coat got left in the living room.

Miss Krause. It does not belong there. No, you're absolutely right. It doesn't.

I'm sorry.

You are?

Oh, a very bright girl.

I'm sure we would have a lovely working relationship.

Oh, she's sweet.

So's flypaper.

Thank you for your very detailed

Report, period.

In my most recent memo to

your committee, just let me know if I'm going too

fast for you.

At the rate that you're talking, even I could take dictation.

Taylor, I didn't know you took shorthand.

It wasn't on his resume, of course. Those resumes aren't all that reliable.

think the material tends to be slanted in favor of the applicant.

Sir, we're already late for our meeting at the Capitol. Right, right, right.

Taylor really keeps me on my toes.

And to think, he takes shorthand, too.

Now, where was I? In my most recent memo to your committee.

I clearly stated...

Marcy, would you send in that latest memo on the water project?

Oh, I took the liberty of bringing it in with me, sir. I thought you might like

to refer to it. Oh, good. Thank you. Governor, all it says is that you intend

write the letter.

Sir, that memo doesn't seem to be in the file.

That's all right, Marcy.

Lorraine brought it in. Oh, I'm not surprised.

While you're here, get Commissioner Hazlitt for me. Oh, I already called his

office, and he is planning to attend the hearing next week.

Well, that's all I wanted to know.

Very good work, Lorraine.

Yeah, very good.

Sir, it's getting late. Should I have the limousine brought around?

Oh, I took care of it. It's in the driveway.

Super.

Well, you certainly picked a wonderful replacement for yourself.

Well, thank you.

Governor, I think your driver's getting tired of waiting. He's playing feelings

on the car horn.

to ask him to stop.

I did. He doesn't take requests.

Sir, I really think we should go.

No, I've got to do this water letter. Well, I could rough one out for you,

Or why don't I ride with you to the capital so you can finish the letter in

car? Fabulous idea.

You mean you can ride and write at the same time?

Sure. And you don't get car sick?

Oh, no.

I do. I've always had trouble with car sickness. I remember one time my sister

was wearing her best dress.

You

okay?

Oh, sure.

Lorraine's terrific, isn't she? Yeah, just like you said.

Yeah, but when I said she was terrific, I didn't know how terrific.

Oh, what do you care?

In a couple of days, your biggest problem is going to be which side to tan

first.

I guess I can always use the time to study my Italian.

Italian? I thought you were going to the Caribbean.

Well, the ship has an all -Italian crew.

Oh, all -Italian.

Scusi, signorina, nare. Si, il mio nome è Bainson. Would you do me the honor and

have dinner with me at the captain's table?

Why, are you the captain? Oh, no, I'm the bossy boy.

I'm trying to concentrate here.

Okay, Krauss, what is it?

What do you mean?

That infernal humming.

Why are you humming?

I am humming because I am happy.

What's it to you?

Annoying.

I can't help it. I am happy when my plants are happy.

Because you hear only what you want to hear.

That's not true. I hear you.

Hi. Hi, Lou. Time for my coffee break.

You were just in here ten minutes ago.

No, no, that was Lorraine's coffee break. But she doesn't take them. I was

filling in.

Well, between the two of you, somebody's going to be up all night.

Well, who's that for?

I fixed it for Lorraine.

Archie Chalks are her favorite.

He never fixed one for me.

You don't like them.

So, I could learn?

Marcy, you finished packing yet? Yes. Well, almost.

Actually, I haven't started yet. I keep putting it off.

Hi, everyone.

Hi.

That's what's for lunch. I'm not hungry.

It's for Lorraine, anyway.

I've been looking for her. Have you seen her? She's in the office with Taylor

and your father, honey. Is it something I could help you with? No. It was just

something personal we were discussing.

It can wait.

The kids are funny. She didn't mean anything.

I know that.

All right, Taylor, you've made your point, and you're certainly entitled to

opinion, but the odds are you're wrong.

I'll take that bit.

Well, Marcy, why are you still here? I thought you'd be home packing.

No, I'm all done.

Practically.

Anyway, I thought it'd be a good idea just to stick around today, you know,

kind of be available.

Remember, starting tomorrow, you're going to be on your own. Oh, don't be

concerned about us. We'll get along fine.

Just go ahead and have a wonderful vacation and completely forget about

place.

You wouldn't have to tell me that twice.

What a puny -looking plant.

What's wrong with it?

Krauss talked it into jumping into a pot of boiling water.

Oh, you don't have to worry about offending me. I'd rather know about any

problems now before I go away.

Oh, everything's great. Believe me. You can level with me. I know it must be

hard adjusting to somebody new.

Don't be ridiculous. You trained Lorraine yourself.

You won't even be missed.

Wonderful.

Uh, yes, is this Mrs. Johnson?

Hi, this is Marcy Hill. I'm on that Caribbean cruise that leaves tomorrow.

Uh -huh.

I'd like to cancel my trip.

What are you doing?

Oh, just putting a few things where they belong.

Who's this?

Lorraine's fiancé.

Not a bad -looking guy. No, he isn't. Two of them look like they belong right

top of a wedding cake.

Marcy, there's no reason to be so upset.

Upset? That's ridiculous.

I agree.

Why would I be upset?

I don't know.

Unless maybe you're feeling a little threatened.

Threatened? By Lorraine.

Lorraine's no threat to me.

Unless I was trying out for a pom -pom girl, maybe.

Or Miss Congeniality.

Governor, I had a spare moment, so I typed up the entire phone book and

repainted Guam.

Well, just so long as you're not upset.

Well, maybe it's not her fault, Vincent.

Maybe she just can't help being compulsive and pushy.

You're not being fair.

Oh, you're right.

I forgot bouncy and perfect.

Well, it's a big job, and Lorraine is just trying to step in. Ain't that the

truth.

You know what I mean. You brought her in here. Which only goes to prove that I'm

not perfect.

Look, are you going to spend your entire vacation worrying about her?

No.

I've decided to cancel my trip.

Because of Lorraine?

Now, wouldn't that be childish?

You said it, kid.

I'm expecting a visitor.

You expect me to believe that?

My father.

He may be coming to see me.

All the way from across town.

Marcy, there's no need to cancel your plans.

You're blowing this way out of proportion.

You'd see there's no problem if you'd just step back and take a look.

Hello. Hello.

I've looked long enough.

Oh, we have to get this back in for the... Excuse me. Your excuse.

Marcy's so thrilled about her vacation, she's going every which way. She thought

this was the airport.

Oh, that's okay, Marcy. I've been known to take a few wrong turns myself.

You see? No harm done. Let's go. I'm sorry to interrupt you, Governor, but

there's something I want to tell you. Yeah, goodbye.

Oh, are you leaving now? She sure is. Thank you. Please.

Oh, well, okay, but we had planned to have a little send -off after work.

That won't be necessary, sir. Oh, you're right, now that you won't be here.

Any last -minute things you want to tell me, Marcy? Yeah, but you don't want to

hear them.

Let's go.

Governor, I'm not going.

Oh, good. Then we can have the party.

You don't understand, sir. My trip's been canceled.

And so has your common sense.

Marcy, that's terrible.

Oh, that's a shame.

It's completely unnecessary.

Oh, Marcy, I'm so sorry.

I'm sure you are.

Well, what happened, Marcy? Why can't you go?

Well, something came up.

But this is not the time to bring it up. It was just something personal, sir.

Nothing that a nice long boat ride won't cure.

Oh, now that's true.

There is nothing like the salt air to take your mind off your trouble. Oh,

never forget my Navy days. Oh, Governor.

Out on the open ocean, as far as the eye could see, wherever I'd look, not a

speck.

Completely took my mind off the fact that we were lost.

Oh, we'd have been in a heck of a mess if those Japanese planes hadn't found

Governor, I'm not taking the cruise. I'm staying home.

I see.

Well, listen, Lorraine's here, so you just go take care of whatever your

is and come back to work when you're ready.

No, sir. It would be better if I worked my way through this by working my way

through this. May I say something?

I am very concerned about Marcy's difficulties, but I am more concerned

get this work done before Benedict Lake arrives.

Now, I want two copies of this proposal.

Oh, I'll take care of this, Marcy. Oh, that's all right. You've already done

more than I counted on. Oh, don't be silly. That's why I'm here. Yes, but I'm

back now.

I can do it.

Unless I'm mistaken,

Taylor wanted two separate and complete copies.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.

Whatever her problem is, it must be a doozy.

I think I know what it is, sir. So, uh, I'll just get my things now.

It was real nice working with all of you. Hey, Lorraine, uh, wait a minute.

Oh, wonderful.

All this work and we have no secretaries.

Looks like we're on our own.

Good thing you take short on it.

So what time you showed up?

I've been looking all over for you.

Nowhere else would I be except here waiting to talk to you.

No, really?

I thought you'd be out back building a gallows.

Benson, how could I have behaved like that?

I give up.

What in the world made me think Lorraine was after my job?

She only did what I asked. It wasn't her fault.

It was mine.

Man, look what I did to her. And to me.

You feel like such an idiot.

Always trust your feelings.

I really wanted you all to like her.

And then when you did, I got jealous, totally irrational, just plain stupid.

You sure you need me here for this?

Well, I thought you might stop me when I'd said enough.

I'll let you know when you get there.

Okay, I'm a lousy person. I'm rotten.

Hating Lorraine for doing a good job. Hating myself for hating Lorraine.

Lorraine for making me hate myself.

Hating my mother for not being there.

You should be glad she missed this.

I was referring to a dance recital when I was eight.

What, do you think these kind of problems just happen overnight?

I'm talking big -time insecurity here.

Nancy, how can you think so little of yourself?

Practice years of it.

In high school, I introduced my prom date to my little sister.

I know.

He asked her out.

Today, they have two kids and a second home in Vail.

Marcy, these kinds of things happen to everyone.

But that was a long time ago.

Vincent, I just spent three days watching everyone carry on with Lorraine

though I'd never even existed.

I wasn't even gone yet, and I was already forgotten.

I was scared.

Scared? Yes.

Why?

Because someone else can keep the office running and be respected for doing

their job.

Well, the least she could have done was make a mistake or two.

Well, I know how you feel, but... The truth of the matter is that none of us

indispensable.

There are hundreds of people out there who could do your job. Or mine, or

Krause's, and there are at least four baby chimps who could fill in for

You could walk right out that front door now, and the job would still get done.

This is not what I was waiting to hear.

Well, it's too bad about that.

But you see, Marcy, there's more to it than work.

Lorraine is nice.

She is efficient.

And we do like her.

But she's not you.

We love you, Marcy. Don't you know that?

I'm sure somebody can walk in and take over your job.

But no one in the world can take your place.

God, I want to believe that.

Believe it.

It's true.

Really?

Now, you know me.

Would I be here if it weren't?

So?

So what?

So bon voyage.

You can still get on the boat.

Well, yeah, they just told me it was too late to cancel my trip.

So I guess if I have to pay for it, I might as well take it.

Oh, what do I say to Lorraine?

Oh, don't worry about her.

She's still here. I told her to cool her heels until I had a chance to talk to

you. Well, I certainly owe her an apology. I don't know what to say to

Ask her to help you pack.

I

don't

know how to thank you.

Take Kraus with you.

Oh, Stanford, this plant is not doing better. I give it a lot of attention.

Maybe that's the problem.

I don't know, but I could have done wrong.

Face it, Krause, you've got ten thumbs and not one of them is green.

Ta -da!

Oh! Hey!

Oh!

How was your trip?

Oh, fabulous.

There's nothing like a Caribbean cruise. You really have to go on one, Gretchen.

Yeah, I'll pump up the rubber raft for you.

Marcy, tell us all about it. I have never been there, but I have seen

of the beautiful islands with the crystal clear lagoons and the waving...

you let her tell it?

I've got some pictures of my own, Gretchen.

What is this, a wall?

Well, I guess I was standing a little close. That's the boat.

This is the sun deck.

Now, the first day, I spent way too much time in the sun, so I spent the next

three days in my cabin, covered from head to toe with cream.

You're supposed to put the cream on before.

Okay, now the next one.

Oh, there was this huge tropical storm, and one night, in the middle of the

night, I was thrown out of my bunk, and the way I landed, I twisted my ankle.

So, this is a shot of the storm from my porthole.

Isn't that a little blurry?

Well, it's hard to hold a camera steady when you're on crutches.

Well, just so you had a good time.

I really did. The last four days made the whole thing worthwhile.

As a matter of fact, I'm going to go back again next year.

Well, go back the last four days and you'll save a lot of money.

Oh, look.

Hansen is videotaped before a studio audience.