Original subtitles

Larry, we're trying to trim the fat out of our budget. I wish you could do the

same with your meat. What do you call this?

That's a rump roast.

Yeah, but where's it been sitting?

If you want better meat, you've got to loosen up your purse strings a little

bit. I can't. The governor's cutting expenses is an example to the state. I

can't spend what I ain't got. It must be tough.

No tougher than this.

Oh, Mr.

Watkins, you naughty boy.

You should have told me. If you told me you were coming, I would have locked up

the dogs.

That's okay. The dogs know me. How come they don't know me?

They know you. They just don't like you.

But they like Mr.

Watkins. Oh, he's such a big, strong man.

Good morning, everybody.

Morning. Oh, Gretchen, is that strudel? That's for Mr. Watkins. I mean, would

you like some?

No, I couldn't. I could.

It turned out just right. So flaky.

Look who baked it.

Please, Mr.

Watkins, can't I tempt you?

No, I don't think so, but thanks anyway.

Looks like Miss Krabs is on the make.

Yeah, it's not a pretty sight.

I've got to be going.

Oh, the life of a butcher.

What do I have to do? Take a number and wait my turn?

I'll see you Monday, Benson. Okay, Larry.

Goodbye, Miss Cross. Oh, let's not say goodbye.

Let's just say toodaloo.

Toodaloo?

What are you, a train?

You worked him over pretty good, didn't you, Cross?

What are you talking about?

Well, why didn't you just get a rolling pin, hit him over the head, and drag him

into the pantry?

Oh, come on, Benson. Everyone has her own way of expressing interest in

Some people just get a little carried away, that's all.

You want him to be your boyfriend, right?

Did I say anything wrong?

No, sugar, Miss Krause did.

Eddie, you better get going, honey. You're going to be late for school.

I'm not late. You always tell me that when you want to discuss something.

Well, that's not true.

Last time I grabbed my books and waited outside for the car for half an hour

before I realized it was Saturday.

I felt so sorry for Miss Krause, the way she was throwing herself at that

butcher. Oh, come on, Marcy. You're going to start with this again.

Everybody's got problems. Why do you have to make them yours?

I don't.

I just think we should talk to her, that's all. I think we should stay out

it. It's not our business.

How can we?

Don't you see how lonely and frustrated she is?

I think what she needs is a little friendly advice and encouragement.

What Miss Krause needs is a personality transplant.

She just seems to be a little inexperienced with the opposite sex.

Well, count me out.

You know, with a little help, she might start going out on dates.

I'm busy.

And if she went out more, she'd probably meet new people, find new places to go.

Please, I'm a very busy man.

She might even make a whole new life for herself and spend a lot less time in

the mansion.

But I'm never too busy for my friends.

I'm not so sure this is a good idea.

Krause and I can barely talk about the weather, let alone her love life. You

see, I'm not the guy for this kind of stuff. Benson.

No, no, really. I'm downstairs busy with the bills. Benson, you promised me

you'd try.

Go away.

We tried.

She doesn't mean that.

Gretchen, should we come in? No. Thank you very much. Have a nice day.

Doesn't mean that either.

Uh, Gretchen, we're sorry. I just barged in like this, but we thought maybe you

might be upset about what happened with Larry in the kitchen.

Why should I be upset?

Just because I made a fool of myself?

That's a pretty good reason.

No offense, but you were acting like something out of a late movie.

You saw that one, too?

Gretchen, just be yourself.

I tried being myself. I'm no good at it.

But you don't have to resort to games.

Now, the idea is to be direct, but not too open.

Responsive, but not too available.

Know what I mean?

No, what do you mean?

Well, look, I'll be you, Gretchen.

Benson, you be Larry.

So, you're a butcher.

Yeah, what am I supposed to say to that?

Improvise, improvise. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, improvise. All right, all right,

yeah, yeah.

I'm a butcher. Uh -huh.

And what do you like to do in your spare time?

Slaughter pigs.

Well, how should I know what he likes to do?

He likes to build dollhouses.

Say what?

You know, dollhouses. With little windows and doors that really open and

Oh, great. We're fixing her up with Geppetto.

Well, since you know so much about him, why don't you use it? There's nothing a

man likes better than talking about himself.

Now, I'll tell you what. I'll be Larry and you be you. What about me? You be

quiet.

Now, ask me something about dollhouses.

Okay. Yeah.

Oh,

Mr. Varkin.

How come you never built a little dollhouse for little me?

But

what's

wrong with that?

Well, if you could manage to tone that down to begging, you might have a shot

it. The idea is to be cool.

I'll tell you what.

You be Larry, and I'll be you.

Ask me out.

So, uh, Gretchen, would you like to go out with me sometime?

Sometimes I like to be alone.

What about Wednesday?

I'm busy.

What about Thursday?

I'd love to.

Pinson, why don't you just say yes the first time?

Sometimes a man likes a streak of mystery in a woman.

Ooh, mystery.

You mean like this?

Would you like to know what I have in my pocket for you?

I pass.

Look, we're not getting anywhere like this. Gretchen, I'll be you, Ben, and

you'll be Larry. No, I got a better idea.

You be Marcy, you be Krause, and I'll be leaving.

Okay, Taylor, I'm reading it.

Will you please stop rushing me?

I'm not rushing you, sir. I was clearing my throat.

I know. That's what you do when you want to rush me.

Those are fakes. This is for real.

It's just that it's so chilly in here that I've come down with a cold.

Oh. Well, I'm sorry to hear that. Why don't you go over there and work on the

speech?

Ladies.

Now, these are for the Taxpayers Association meeting.

Just put them down on the desk.

I don't mean to be rude, Taylor, but this is a very important meeting and I

can't afford to get sick.

Sir, this is just a cold, not malaria.

Come in.

You wanted to see me, Governor?

Now, what did I want to see you about?

Can you give me a hint?

Actually, I said to you, Benson, I want you to do something about the heat in

here. Oh, is it too warm, sir? I can cut it down some more. Don't. No, it's too

cold already.

Taylor, I asked Benson to keep the heat down.

Everybody wants to cut costs, but nobody wants to be uncomfortable or

inconvenienced. Right. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to

I'm going to tell the Tax Payers Association that we've watched every

want to be sure we've done exactly that.

So you've just got to get used to being a little chilly. Well, first it's my

hands and then my feet.

If I don't keep moving, I'll freeze to death one piece at a time.

I bet your mouth will be the last to go.

Okay, Benson, everything's in the freezer. I just need you to sign this.

I thought that pot roast I left. Ah, Governor loved it.

Both bites.

Hello, Larry.

Oh, yeah, hi. How are you, Miss Krause?

Gretchen.

What is that, German?

That's her name.

That is a very nice shirt you are wearing.

It goes with your eyes.

Oh, yeah, thank you.

You're welcome.

You hear that?

Yeah, she likes your shirt. And my eyes.

Yeah, they don't do nothing for me.

But why'd you say that?

Well, you know, Miss Krause.

I thought I did, but... There's something different about it?

Definitely. I mean, I saw her lots of times, but I never really looked at her

before. You know, she's not half bad.

What have you looked at?

What did you say? No, I said, wait till you get to North.

So, uh, how's it going?

Are you still here, Larry?

Yeah, well, I got to take off pretty soon.

Well, it has been very nice seeing you again.

Yeah, me too.

Listen, Gretchen, would you like to have dinner sometime?

I like to have dinner every night.

That's a good one. That's a real rib tickler.

Now, you know what I mean. Would you like to have dinner with me?

Go to a movie, maybe?

You mean just the two of us?

Yeah, what do you say?

Um, well, I don't know.

Sometimes I just like to be alone.

Yeah, well, what about Thursday?

Uh, Thursday I'm busy.

What about Friday?

Friday's good.

I have a date with someone else.

That's too bad, because Saturday's the annual Rotarian dinner dance.

I thought your date had the flu.

No, he's fine.

No, he isn't.

I just talked to him yesterday, and he's fine.

Well, I talked to him last night, and he died.

His last words were, tell Gretchen I can't make it.

Well, in that case, I would be very happy to go out with you Saturday

night. Terrific. I'll pick you up around seven.

She'll be ready.

Yeah, well, I'll see you then, eh?

See you, Larry.

just stand there and say something.

Hot damn!

Uh,

look, are you guys sure you got your figures right on our towel service?

running a governor's mansion, not a Turkish bath.

Uh -huh. Well, can we get a discount if we fold them ourselves?

Come down 10 % on your price. We're going to have to take our business

else. Hello?

Hi, Ben. Is this what we've been doing?

Using too many towels, for one thing.

We were out shopping for Miss Krause. Why? We already got one.

Benson, where do you see Gretchen's new outfit?

She's got a really pretty dress.

Oh, what good is looking pretty if I don't know how to act?

What's the problem with the dinner dance?

You eat, you dance.

Just don't do both of them at the same time.

I think I can handle the eating part all right, but the dancing... You don't

know how to dance?

Well, I haven't since I was a young girl.

I know if he asks me to dance, I'll say I have a sore foot.

Gretchen, nobody'd buy that excuse.

Besides, dancing's fun.

All you need is someone to practice with.

I got a sore foot.

There's no music. There's going to be music. I'm going to hum you a waltz.

Just show Gretchen the steps.

The steps are outside.

She can't miss them.

Charles was a Rotarian?

freezing it here. Isn't there something we could do about it? Cut a hole in the

floor and fish.

Excuse me, gentlemen. It gives me great pleasure to present Miss Gretchen

Crosby.

Have a good time.

I can't.

Taylor, go entertain Mr. Watkins. I want to talk to Miss Krause. Oh, why me? I

don't know how to entertain a butcher.

Just chew the fat.

Come on, Katie. We're hotelists, darling.

Come on, Benson. I need your help. No, sir. I think Miss Krause ought to be

alone. Benson, will you trust me? All she needs now is the support of friends.

few kind words.

A little wise counsel.

Well, who doesn't?

Listen, I know women.

I used to be married to one.

Oh, good.

Go ahead, Miss Krause.

Let it all out. It's good for you.

Nature has all sorts of ways to help us to release tension.

Crying, laughing, throwing up.

What the governor is trying to say is that things like this can make anybody a

little uptight.

But I can't go there. They will laugh at me.

Well, why would they want to do that?

Oh, you wouldn't understand.

You're right. Unless you tell us, we never will.

Ever since I was a child, they have made fun of me because I was different.

I grew too early for my age. Everyone thought I was years older than I was.

I was still a child, but when I did childish things... They laughed at me.

And then I tried to act more grown up. The children my own age teased me and

called me names.

Ina Duman Outsider.

Well, no wonder you were upset.

What does that mean?

Stupid Outsider.

Well, a few nicknames and no reason to get upset. When I was young, the kids

used to call me Goofy.

No, I'll go talk to Larry. No, no, no.

No, you stay here.

Mop up.

I'll get Larry all set. This is right up my alley.

I'll tell him the story about the muskrat that built the nest under Uncle

Frank's boat landing.

Yeah, we'll let you do it.

Oh, come on, Miss Cross. Stop that crying.

Stuff you're talking about was 30 years ago.

Well, 20, 30, it's a long time to hide out in a room.

You can do that if you want to, or you can go out and take a chance that you

might have a good time.

Oh, Benson, you don't know what it's like to be different.

Well, I think I might have some idea.

You can send him away.

Of course, if the governor gets started on that muskrat story, he won't have

much of a choice.

Why don't you give it a shot?

Okay, you're right.

I'm going.

Good.

Oh, wait a minute.

You better use this.

Your face looks like you left it out in the rain.

Thank you, Benson.

You know, sometimes you can be real gay.

when you want to.

Yeah, that's what my mother used to say.

Benson, you can be real gemütlich when you want to.

Governor,

what are you doing here? Oh, nothing. I came down here to think. In the dark?

Oh, I think much better in the dark.

Just can't seem to sleep in it.

Put me right out.

We've got to figure out how to fix that speech to the Taxpayers Association that

Taylor wrote.

I'm afraid it'll offend anybody who makes less than $100 ,000 a year.

He wants the people who can least afford it to pay the most in taxes.

Well, isn't that what we do now?

He's even got a motto.

Let them work harder.

Well, I was able to doze off for a while, but I had a nightmare.

I dreamt I was making a speech in front of some big group, and I suddenly

realized I didn't have any pants on.

Well, that's one way to get their attention.

Hi. Percy.

Oh, I saw the light on.

All the way from your apartment?

No, I had an engagement, and on my way home, I thought I'd stop by and look for

my, uh... Miss Krause isn't back yet, Marcy. Look for your heart.

Oh, it doesn't matter. It'll turn up.

Want to sit down and wait for it?

I came back to check up on Miss Krause. I noticed you're still up.

Midnight snack.

Oh, sure.

Good evening. Good morning.

Good night. No, no, no, no. Come on. Tell us what happened.

Did Larry ask you out again?

No.

Oh, well, Miss Cross, try not to be discouraged.

I'm not.

Larry was a klutz.

He couldn't dance, he ruined my shoes, and by the end of the evening he was

roaring drunk.

Other than that, how'd it go?

Drunk? I hope he didn't try to drive you home.

That's the only thing he didn't try.

Oh, wait a minute.

Did you just leave him there?

Yeah, we did.

We?

How'd you get home?

It's a long...

Sounds very romantic to me. Oh, doesn't it?

I'll get all the details in the morning. Good night. I can remember when I was

first dating my wife. Of course, that was before we were married. We used to

take the long way home.

I will never forget what she said to me. Please, can't this wait?

That's right. That's exactly what she said.

Don't touch that.

That candy is a gift from an admirer.

Well, if you eat all that, he'll have a lot more to admire.

He likes me just the way I am. Fat and stingy.

Oh, all right.

You sure you can spare it?

Sure. I hate that kind anyway.

So do I.

Hi.

Hi. Oh, Governor, you're back.

Back? Oh, from the Taxpayers Association.

The speech went very well. Much better than in my dream.

I can see. You got your pants on.

Where's Candy? Some guy sent it to Miss Krause. Why?

Well, maybe he's a dentist.

Krause, are you in love?

Not yet, but I might be someday.

Governor? Oh.

Want to trade?

I hate that kind.

is videotaped before a studio audience.