Original subtitles

Undeniably me.

Oh, so me.

Undeniably.

Oh, thank God. I am

famished.

Nice suit.

Thanks. You look like... Kermit the Frog's general ward.

Gross. Miss Piggy's gender was gross, but clever, as it implies that said STD

was contracted by slutty Piggy by the aforementioned horny little toad. So,

yeah, pretty much heard it all.

You know, I was just going to say that girl married that Magic Mike guy, but...

Yeah, sure.

Okay.

Sugar, sugar, gluten, gluten.

Fortunately, I brought my insulin shot.

You know, your face isn't even going to be seen.

Excuse me?

I mean, think about it. We're all part of this alien slave colony on this

totally vegetarian planet called Eden Six.

Our faces have to blend in with the indigenous plant life of a dying

It's a total avatar rip, if you ask me.

Boom!

We're alien people?

Yep. They're gonna make us all plants and post.

Say bye to your face. Hello, computer -generated one.

Boom! What's with the boom?

Uh, that's my thing.

Oh. It used to be kapow!

But I thought that one syllable was way more effective.

Boom! Okay.

Luckily, I'm here for the paycheck more than the experience, though.

I told my extra agent, after today, I'm only doing featured work where they can

see my face.

See, featured work can get you noticed by the director, which could get you

singled out for a line, and then, boom, more money, guild insurance, and most

importantly, graduated to that.

What is that?

That? is the VIP craft service table reserved only for stars of this

program, producers, directors, and definitely not space

alien vegetable people.

See you around, space broccoli!

Boom!

Standing between these two tables, I definitely understand the French

Revolution.

I see a scene going on here.

Going in!

Oh my gosh, this is just amazing. On our way home again, we used to have deli

sandwiches all week and meat pies on Fridays. Is that five different types of

hummus? Yeah, I think so.

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, I can't believe I'm standing next to this.

Do you remember that episode where David Silvercrass, yuck of it, and when Kelly

New used to fight all the time at the Peach Fit? I reckon you were each

muses, right?

I was once someone's muse, Corkity the Crocodile Hunter. He had a whole

crocodile farm in Australia.

Yeah, you know, Channel 7 did a whole new story about him every time he used

have new hatchlings. He used to name one after me. Guy was obsessed.

I mean, that was until, you know, Taman 12 ate his arm off above the elbow. Then

he just named him, you know, after Kylie Minogue. Kylie, the croc.

Got a ring to it, you know.

Anyway, nice to meet you, Iron.

It's nice to meet you, too, uh... Taman.

Like Salmon, or Slammon, or... Carved Taman!

Carved Taman.

You're funny.

Oh, thanks, Iron.

What part?

Excuse me? What part are you playing?

A really important one.

Which one's that?

Interstellar, intergalactic.

You know, mysterious one, half human, half alien, half broccoli.

That's a lot of habs. Yeah, it's very complex.

Hmm. It doesn't ring a bell.

Oh, it was on the new pages. Yeah, they came out this morning. Oh, yeah? The

pink or the blue? Because I have them both. My script was adjusted. The purple

ones? Purple? Yeah.

Blue. Then pink.

Then the new, new ones.

Purple.

I mean, that's when Xanadu comes in?

Xanadu.

You mean like the Olivia Newton -John movie musical? Oh, you know that one!

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think the director's not as great as everyone

is. I mean, who calls a really important new... Complex.

Complex. That's right, Ian.

Complex character, Xanadu. I mean, in a world of broccoli people, that has to be

the most ignorant content ever created. I mean, who does that?

My brother.

Excuse me? My brother. He wrote this, and he's directing it.

Oh. I'm really very proud of my brother, but I'm even more protective.

Wow.

What a magnificent world he's created.

Mm -hmm. And he made you a... Scarecrow space warrior.

Scarecrow space warrior? Blowing my mind! And broccoli people, I mean, that

just the most amazing, amazing thing ever, and it's extremely nutritious.

Mr. Ziering, we need you on set.

Yeah. Nice to meet you, Iron.

It's such a lovely name, Iron.

Iron Ziering. I mean, you know, is it great? It's finished, right? Is it great

or is it finished? You tell me, because I'm really, really good at that.

Actually, you know what? That's really awkward. You know what?

Let's just say it's exotic.

Iron Ziering, exotic.

Nice to meet you.

The scene is not working.

All right, there's no passion. There's no commitment to the environment of the

world. Does that make sense to you?

Yep. You take this and you tell me if it's Guatemalan.

Mm -hmm.

Okay, so what we need, we need to understand these secrets. We need to

you are a liar. I'm sorry, I don't know. Okay, we need talent.

We need exceptional talent.

We need that.

You, do that again.

Get there, get there, okay? I want it to be real, guttural, desperate, primal,

like from your loins. Give me the loins.

That's close. I need damage.

I need... Yeah, bam!

Yeah!

Yes! Got it. Okay, stop, please.

Yeah, just give her that line.

Uh, congratulations.

Can you sign here?

You're now in SAG, 75 extra bucks. Thanks!

What the... Oh, come on!

Get ready for pictures.

Last look's clear.

Looking good, Space Jesus.

Yeah, you too, looking good.

Space Broccoli.

But thanks for the gig, you know.

Hollywood, where dreams come true.

Okay, guys, let's recap.

So, Dorinda, played by my extremely talented girlfriend here, has her cute,

cuddly space bot pet. He's called T -232, who's loyal, and he accompanies

Dorinda on her fantastical voyage.

Far from home. I know the studio insisted on this little guy as he's

in post and kids will go crazy and they'll mass produce a million of these

things and make another billion dollars, but what do I care, right? Wrong. My

agents, geniuses, got me licensing on it. I get one cent for every thousand of

these sold. If they make ten million of these, I'm making like... A hundred

dollars?

Don't ever interrupt me again.

Anyway, these are some of Dorinda's friends that she meets along the way.

finds my bro, Ian.

Our scarecrow, he's alone in a space desert that's been set up by a moisture

farmer named Owen, okay?

And Dorinda, she's lost, okay? And he's in turn looking for, like, um... Let me

guess, a heart?

No, not a heart, okay? She's looking for an electromagnetic power charger,

which, while keeping his heart beating, also keeps these dangerous fragments

from penetrating the organ. So until he finds this thing, he's in grave danger,

and you're all in grave danger.

And he's... Well, he's Jesus.

Yeah, of course he is. Jesus kind of is always in danger.

And you, you are one of the Zygomycota, or stocks of space mold, that our Delta

Team Emerald encounters while on their journey on the yellow brick path of

Zigzura. I'm stocks of mold.

Brainstorm, everybody.

Shh.

You're not a stock.

You're a whole forest of it.

You're like your own people, okay? Your own species.

Your own species of Zygomycota, okay? And...

Well, CGI and literally thousands of you write CGI and space mold to be their

leader. You'll be like the leader of the zygomycota.

I'm the leader of the mold?

Uh, congrats. That's an upgrade and another 75 ,000 years. Oh, thanks.

How is this possible?

Where is the justice?

Okay,

everybody, let's just, uh, let's do this. Time is moolah. What are we doing?

You're just standing around.

I'd just like to say how thankful I am for this opportunity, and I think it's

super -duper clever that you borrowed from all these amazing classic films.

What did you just say?

Like Wizard of Oz, Star Wars, you know, Passion of the Christ.

How much?

Are you implying that I plagiarized?

I can get rid of her in a heartbeat, Michael. We have a thousand extras that

replace her.

Meek! Meek! Over here!

Oh, for the love of God!

I will be somebody!

First off, every single one of these ideas is original, okay?

The studio greenlit my vision, mine, because I'm original and I'm fresh.

Isn't she essentially Dorothy with an R2 -D2 cross -toto sidekick and he's the

scarecrow with a Tony Stark heart and the whole world and concept is a veiled

attempt at environmental messaging a la Avatar and he's, well, he's Jesus, so...

Jury's out on that one. So, yeah.

So, like a hodgepodge. So, my granny in South Africa always used to say that the

best soups are made with leftovers.

So, I just want to let you know, for the record, that when my blood sugar level

drops, I really don't have control of what I'm saying, okay?

It's this guy. This guy right here. He has 10 ziplock bags full of marshmallows

and enough toilet paper to wipe every space broccoli's ass in all of the

universe.

The jig is up.