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1
00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:16,100
A couple of pistachio nuts and some
lovely carrots there. Just put them in
2
00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:19,200
throat and you really can tell the
difference when it's cooked. And don't
3
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:23,660
forget, very important, a lovely glass.
Mmm, really, mmm.
4
00:00:24,820 --> 00:00:28,520
A drop of wine here, an Australian dry
white, I do believe. Now, a lot of
5
00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:32,619
are very snobbish about Australian
wines, but I think, considering what you
6
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:34,440
you really do get good value for money.
7
00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:35,800
OK,
8
00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:39,620
now then, you take the pistachio nuts,
you lay them on the fish tails like so,
9
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:40,660
and if you like pistachios...
10
00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:42,260
And, of course, the more the merrier.
11
00:00:43,020 --> 00:00:44,500
Exactly the same with the diced carrots.
12
00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:47,560
Don't forget, it's very good for your
skin and bones. Calcium, plenty there,
13
00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:48,640
personally.
14
00:00:48,940 --> 00:00:51,340
I do like my carrots. There you go, the
dish is ready.
15
00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:52,580
Never forget, take the wine.
16
00:00:54,180 --> 00:00:55,180
Never be too embarrassed.
17
00:00:55,920 --> 00:00:56,920
Drink.
18
00:00:57,360 --> 00:00:58,360
Whilst you're cooking.
19
00:00:59,020 --> 00:01:04,340
Well, you're not just a great detective,
you're actually a very talented cook as
20
00:01:04,340 --> 00:01:06,400
well. You're not married, are you?
21
00:01:07,950 --> 00:01:09,570
I consider the kitchen my wife.
22
00:01:09,790 --> 00:01:13,210
P .C., you'd make someone a wonderful
husband. Well, I could never do that. I
23
00:01:13,210 --> 00:01:17,170
really don't think that I could give a
woman the time and the space she needs
24
00:01:17,170 --> 00:01:19,390
develop as a human being, to find
herself.
25
00:01:19,690 --> 00:01:22,850
I personally don't feel that a woman
should feel trapped.
26
00:01:23,350 --> 00:01:26,510
If only there were more enlightened men
in the world like you.
27
00:01:28,590 --> 00:01:29,590
Enjoy.
28
00:01:30,270 --> 00:01:31,270
Cut it.
29
00:01:31,530 --> 00:01:32,590
Okay, thanks, everybody.
30
00:01:32,830 --> 00:01:35,190
Check it, and if that's clear, it's a
wrap.
31
00:01:36,299 --> 00:01:39,920
Sonia, Sonia, I know, I know, deal, I'll
deal it, I'll deal it, I know.
32
00:01:42,140 --> 00:01:45,840
Sonia! Roger and I are absolutely
thrilled. I mean, it's everything we
33
00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:46,598
and more.
34
00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:49,220
We've got two recipes and one murder per
show.
35
00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:53,540
14 episodes, 28 recipes. Do you not feel
it's in danger of getting a bit
36
00:01:53,540 --> 00:01:57,580
tasteless? Well, we have to be very
careful. I mean, anything to do with
37
00:01:57,580 --> 00:02:01,300
and music is absolutely out of the air.
I mean, we've written and recorded the
38
00:02:01,300 --> 00:02:02,300
entire score.
39
00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:06,100
It comes at the last minute once and for
all. It's very, very important.
40
00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:10,020
You tell me he's a great detective, but
he's a new age detective.
41
00:02:10,539 --> 00:02:11,960
A new age detective?
42
00:02:12,220 --> 00:02:13,220
Is that really you?
43
00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:14,980
A what detective?
44
00:02:16,060 --> 00:02:17,820
Your image is a gourmet detective.
45
00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:21,020
The new age man who cares about women's
issues.
46
00:02:22,010 --> 00:02:25,270
I care about women's knickers.
47
00:02:26,470 --> 00:02:27,910
What are you wearing?
48
00:02:29,390 --> 00:02:31,110
That's very presumptuous of you.
49
00:02:31,550 --> 00:02:32,870
How do you know I wear them?
50
00:02:33,630 --> 00:02:34,630
Here.
51
00:02:35,670 --> 00:02:39,070
Get in the toilet and chop it up. I'll
be there in a minute.
52
00:02:40,870 --> 00:02:45,650
It went really well. You did a brilliant
job.
53
00:02:49,179 --> 00:02:51,740
You know, someone's going to have to
have a talk with him.
54
00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:55,620
It'd be a shame to have to kill him off
just as the ratings are going up.
55
00:03:05,180 --> 00:03:05,540
We
56
00:03:05,540 --> 00:03:14,280
shouldn't
57
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:15,219
leave together.
58
00:03:15,220 --> 00:03:16,220
We're not leaving.
59
00:03:18,090 --> 00:03:20,890
I'll go out and get a bonus. Bring it
back here. I like it in there.
60
00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:48,120
Hi, Corniche.
61
00:03:48,700 --> 00:03:51,480
Hey, guess what? I've just been talking
to a French producer and he wants to do
62
00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:52,480
a series in Paris.
63
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:53,600
Isn't that great?
64
00:03:54,700 --> 00:03:55,700
Corniche?
65
00:03:57,680 --> 00:03:58,920
Murder! Murder!
66
00:03:59,860 --> 00:04:01,260
Someone's killed a government detective!
67
00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:11,980
I'm a copper who takes his time.
68
00:04:12,740 --> 00:04:16,019
I live in a world of villains and crime.
69
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:20,220
I look all around me, and I think it's
shopping.
70
00:04:20,660 --> 00:04:22,200
Then I park my car.
71
00:04:22,700 --> 00:04:24,320
It's got central locking.
72
00:04:25,260 --> 00:04:28,620
He's the copper who takes his time.
73
00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:30,580
His name is out.
74
00:04:31,060 --> 00:04:32,580
It's a bleeding crime.
75
00:04:33,220 --> 00:04:34,740
He ain't locked up.
76
00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:36,700
It's merchant boots.
77
00:04:37,300 --> 00:04:40,880
He wears expensive Armani suits.
78
00:04:41,420 --> 00:04:42,880
You saw my car.
79
00:04:43,620 --> 00:04:45,160
I'm lately stale.
80
00:04:45,900 --> 00:04:49,200
I'm David Planker, and I don't smile.
81
00:04:49,700 --> 00:04:53,460
I'm meaning I'm moody, but I really do
care.
82
00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:57,500
He thinks he's moody. And I'm firm but
fair.
83
00:04:58,820 --> 00:05:02,340
He's David Planker, and it's no
surprise.
84
00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:06,780
He won't have people telling him lies.
85
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:13,560
With lots of horses and loads of signs,
we interview him, and he
86
00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:15,140
says... He's lying.
87
00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:17,460
A gourmet detective.
88
00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:20,300
Sad.
89
00:05:20,660 --> 00:05:24,940
This is the second TV detective to be
killed in the last six months, Spranker.
90
00:05:24,940 --> 00:05:26,980
And so far, you haven't come up with
anything.
91
00:05:27,280 --> 00:05:28,780
So what have you got to say for
yourself?
92
00:05:29,420 --> 00:05:31,620
I remember when there were ships on the
town.
93
00:05:32,380 --> 00:05:33,840
Look, Spranker.
94
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:37,200
Little kids without shoes.
95
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,440
Big ships.
96
00:05:42,219 --> 00:05:45,040
Spanker, I've had about enough of your
northern nostalgia.
97
00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:46,780
With funnels on them.
98
00:05:47,100 --> 00:05:48,100
Ronnie!
99
00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:50,680
Sir! Ah, Ronnie.
100
00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:54,100
You got those forensic reports yet on
that material we found?
101
00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:57,500
Um, the Peter material appears to be
cheesecloth.
102
00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:03,460
Cheesecloth? Yes, sir. Not like in the
70s, cheesecloth. Yes, sir. Good.
103
00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:04,900
Alas, we're getting somewhere.
104
00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:07,580
What about the footprint we found
outside the toilet?
105
00:06:07,980 --> 00:06:09,840
We made a cast of it and, uh...
106
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,880
Well, we reckon it's a man's boot, sir.
107
00:06:14,260 --> 00:06:15,260
Something like this.
108
00:06:20,060 --> 00:06:21,060
What is it?
109
00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:25,420
It's a 70s -style stack -y old platform
boot.
110
00:06:25,900 --> 00:06:29,200
It's the sort of boot my uncle would
have worn at the disco after a hard
111
00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:30,200
graft at the shipyard.
112
00:06:30,700 --> 00:06:34,580
A 70s -style dress suggests a 70s crime.
113
00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:37,640
We need to get the old hands in.
114
00:06:38,010 --> 00:06:39,790
We need to get the stars of the 70s.
115
00:06:41,030 --> 00:06:46,570
What, driving fast cars and shouting a
lot? All that macho shite. Well, all
116
00:06:46,570 --> 00:06:48,410
long pauses haven't got me anywhere.
117
00:06:49,590 --> 00:06:53,150
I've got a platform boot killer out
there in a cheesecloth shirt who doesn't
118
00:06:53,150 --> 00:06:54,230
like TV detectives.
119
00:06:55,090 --> 00:06:56,090
Maybe you're right.
120
00:06:56,790 --> 00:06:57,790
Maybe you're not.
121
00:06:59,150 --> 00:07:00,150
Who we got?
122
00:07:00,990 --> 00:07:03,350
Old Sharon George from the weenie, sir.
123
00:07:04,750 --> 00:07:05,750
Get him.
124
00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:08,080
Who else?
125
00:07:09,020 --> 00:07:10,040
Bonehead and foil.
126
00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:13,440
Sir. The bullshitters.
127
00:07:13,660 --> 00:07:15,720
Yeah, bullshitters.
128
00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:20,940
Bring him in.
129
00:07:21,220 --> 00:07:22,220
Sir.
130
00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,840
Bonehead and foil. The bullshitters.
131
00:07:35,340 --> 00:07:37,160
What's your problem, Grandad?
132
00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:38,680
You're my problem!
133
00:07:38,980 --> 00:07:42,800
Listen! Modern coppers don't abandon
their cars anymore!
134
00:07:43,180 --> 00:07:45,240
They park them in the spaces provided!
135
00:07:45,660 --> 00:07:49,960
They get out, central lock them, and be
owned by decent citizens who would
136
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:51,260
understand the public!
137
00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:56,140
What's he talking about, Foyle? I don't
know.
138
00:07:57,940 --> 00:08:00,440
Ah, bonehead. Foyle, glad you could make
it.
139
00:08:01,260 --> 00:08:03,980
You've heard the sad news about the
gourmet detective?
140
00:08:05,060 --> 00:08:07,380
Yeah, sounds like he got his just
desserts.
141
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:08,800
Nice line.
142
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,220
Sounded like a good show, though.
143
00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:12,040
Lots of great vegetarian dishes.
144
00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:13,980
I thought it was a bit gimmicky myself.
145
00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:17,280
Who's the hippie?
146
00:08:17,860 --> 00:08:21,180
Ah, yes, this is Detective Inspector
Dave Spanker.
147
00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:24,040
He's a 90s -style detective.
148
00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:30,060
Ronnie, where's Shouting George from the
weenie? On his way in, sir.
149
00:08:58,120 --> 00:08:59,640
You met Bonehead and Foil?
150
00:08:59,900 --> 00:09:04,540
Our paths have crossed, Gov. Look, let's
get one thing straight.
151
00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:07,960
Nobody calls me Gov. Why not?
152
00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:10,120
Because it's old -fashioned.
153
00:09:10,460 --> 00:09:12,900
Who's this squatter? Friend of yours?
154
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:16,580
Detective Inspector David Spanker. Shut
up!
155
00:09:17,949 --> 00:09:23,110
Listen, gov, I'm a ten -gov -a -day
copper, always have been, always will
156
00:09:23,110 --> 00:09:27,510
you want me to work on this case, I'm
going to be calling you gov all day
157
00:09:27,710 --> 00:09:30,870
It's all I know and it's all you need to
know.
158
00:09:31,490 --> 00:09:35,390
Gov! If he's calling you gov, I'm
calling you gov too.
159
00:09:35,690 --> 00:09:36,369
Yeah, me.
160
00:09:36,370 --> 00:09:39,490
Not all coppers are Londoners, you know.
Shut up!
161
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:51,260
It's before our time. Our heels were an
inch lower.
162
00:09:51,680 --> 00:09:54,400
Yes, it was very early 70s, sir.
163
00:09:55,620 --> 00:09:57,060
Even before my time.
164
00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:58,800
71, 72.
165
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:00,400
71, 72.
166
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:03,240
Who was there who was around at that
time? There is a man, sir.
167
00:10:03,460 --> 00:10:08,360
Not my cup of tea. 71, 72, that was his
manner. His name is Jason Bentley.
168
00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:10,120
Jason Bentley.
169
00:10:11,540 --> 00:10:12,540
Lace cuffs.
170
00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:14,360
Velvet flares.
171
00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:15,760
Moustache collier.
172
00:10:16,830 --> 00:10:18,910
Yes, Jason Bentley, Department Z.
173
00:10:19,390 --> 00:10:21,010
It's a big camp, isn't it, sir?
174
00:10:21,310 --> 00:10:23,410
Who cares, George? Just find him and
listen, George.
175
00:10:23,770 --> 00:10:27,450
I want Jason in charge of this. You do
it his way. It's his manner, it's his
176
00:10:27,450 --> 00:10:31,870
period, you understand? But that means
no guns, no shouting and no fast cars.
177
00:10:32,170 --> 00:10:33,190
You do it his way.
178
00:10:33,810 --> 00:10:35,030
Minicab for the bullshitters.
179
00:10:35,850 --> 00:10:37,270
Minicab? Sod it.
180
00:10:41,510 --> 00:10:42,630
I want my car back.
181
00:10:42,990 --> 00:10:45,290
No cars, no gobs.
182
00:10:45,670 --> 00:10:46,870
I'm not having this.
183
00:10:47,310 --> 00:10:48,410
Well, at least we're back.
184
00:10:49,350 --> 00:10:50,670
I've never been a whiff.
185
00:10:51,330 --> 00:10:54,750
I don't like him. You know that. He's
got dandruff. You know that, mate.
186
00:10:54,750 --> 00:10:55,750
got dandruff.
187
00:10:57,230 --> 00:10:58,250
Are you listening, Derek?
188
00:10:58,730 --> 00:11:00,050
Twelve dozen loons.
189
00:11:00,390 --> 00:11:01,990
A gross of kippah ties.
190
00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:03,370
I'm pretty sure.
191
00:11:05,150 --> 00:11:05,829
Let's go.
192
00:11:05,830 --> 00:11:07,130
Where are we at? Three foot pavement.
193
00:11:07,370 --> 00:11:08,370
Let's cross it.
194
00:11:08,410 --> 00:11:09,530
I'm there. And me.
195
00:11:11,710 --> 00:11:14,610
I'll take the flares. I'll take the
loons. Cover me. Shut it!
196
00:11:15,579 --> 00:11:16,680
Flares are us.
197
00:11:17,860 --> 00:11:19,300
Sad southern bastards.
198
00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:23,140
Oh.
199
00:11:23,740 --> 00:11:25,720
And what can I fit you gentlemen up
with?
200
00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:29,240
If there's any fitting up to be done,
we'll do it. Nice line, George.
201
00:11:29,460 --> 00:11:30,600
Thank you. Ah, yes.
202
00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:32,100
I know who you are.
203
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:36,580
You're the ones who took over from me
when Crushed Velvet became passé. Which
204
00:11:36,580 --> 00:11:37,760
why we've come to see you.
205
00:11:38,140 --> 00:11:42,160
Ah. It's a 70s -style crime that needs a
70s -style investigation.
206
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:47,770
Which apparently means not driving like
a maniac, shouting, freeze!
207
00:11:48,350 --> 00:11:51,690
Yeah, and instead of staring out in the
wind all the time, I thought he was
208
00:11:51,690 --> 00:11:52,690
doing it again.
209
00:11:52,730 --> 00:11:54,150
I mean, what's he looking at?
210
00:11:54,570 --> 00:11:57,790
You do it your way, and I'll do it my
way.
211
00:11:58,010 --> 00:12:00,810
There's only one way we're doing this,
and that's his way!
212
00:12:01,410 --> 00:12:02,410
Which is?
213
00:12:03,550 --> 00:12:04,870
Well, it's very simple.
214
00:12:05,230 --> 00:12:11,070
I usually drive the Bentley to a large
country house belonging to some mad,
215
00:12:11,070 --> 00:12:12,070
colonel.
216
00:12:13,230 --> 00:12:18,010
whereupon I drink a bottle of claret,
smoke 50 cigarettes, and have everyone
217
00:12:18,010 --> 00:12:19,010
arrested.
218
00:12:19,810 --> 00:12:20,810
Is that it?
219
00:12:21,210 --> 00:12:24,390
Occasionally, some naughty men walk by
in silver spacesuits.
220
00:12:24,650 --> 00:12:25,650
You're f***ing mad.
221
00:12:25,850 --> 00:12:26,609
Let's go.
222
00:12:26,610 --> 00:12:27,610
Cover me!
223
00:12:31,390 --> 00:12:34,050
I've just remembered, no guns on this
one.
224
00:12:34,410 --> 00:12:38,290
Come across with the shooters, otherwise
I'm off the plot and you're out of the
225
00:12:38,290 --> 00:12:40,410
parade. Can't we just shoot the bullets?
226
00:12:40,850 --> 00:12:41,850
Bag them!
227
00:12:42,490 --> 00:12:44,470
Told me you can play with them. Shut it!
228
00:12:51,370 --> 00:12:54,430
Apparently there's a new law coming out
forbidding one to drink and drive.
229
00:12:55,490 --> 00:12:57,910
I think if that happens, I shall give up
touring forever.
230
00:13:00,130 --> 00:13:01,130
What are you doing?
231
00:13:01,490 --> 00:13:03,090
Just trying to get some air.
232
00:13:04,470 --> 00:13:06,710
Yeah, well, we know smoke's not
bothering us.
233
00:13:07,030 --> 00:13:09,090
Haven't you ever heard of passive smoke?
234
00:13:09,770 --> 00:13:10,770
Shut up!
235
00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:14,520
Ah, this looks promising.
236
00:13:15,300 --> 00:13:17,740
There should be a country house coming
up, right?
237
00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:20,220
Ah, here it is.
238
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:24,520
Nice to see so many berries on the whole
of this one.
239
00:13:28,340 --> 00:13:29,340
Ah, yes.
240
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:31,100
Berries, yes, yes.
241
00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:37,060
Cover the manor! Cover the manor!
242
00:14:01,390 --> 00:14:03,070
Put another log on the fire, dear boy.
243
00:14:04,730 --> 00:14:05,730
Do it.
244
00:14:11,470 --> 00:14:15,030
Feel free to search the grounds. I have
nothing to hide, you know.
245
00:14:16,170 --> 00:14:17,170
Indeedy -deedy.
246
00:14:17,710 --> 00:14:24,530
Do tell me, don't you have a 19 -year
-old daughter with a miniskirt and too
247
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:25,530
much make -up?
248
00:14:26,370 --> 00:14:27,349
Yes, I do.
249
00:14:27,350 --> 00:14:28,390
I thought so.
250
00:14:29,210 --> 00:14:31,210
But she lives in Kenya with an African
prince.
251
00:14:32,410 --> 00:14:33,410
Any other questions?
252
00:14:34,630 --> 00:14:35,630
Yeah.
253
00:14:35,870 --> 00:14:37,050
What are we doing here?
254
00:14:40,370 --> 00:14:41,370
Yeah.
255
00:14:47,550 --> 00:14:48,550
Shut it!
256
00:14:53,930 --> 00:14:55,430
What do we do now?
257
00:14:56,430 --> 00:14:58,190
Waiting for a mini -moke to turn up.
258
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:06,040
Mini skirt.
259
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:08,840
Mini mouse.
260
00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:14,720
Mini... Mini pencil... No, hang on. Mini
soda.
261
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:16,540
That's a good one.
262
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:19,500
Mini cab.
263
00:15:19,540 --> 00:15:21,520
He had to do with one of those to get me
out of this shit.
264
00:15:22,220 --> 00:15:23,760
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.
265
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:26,100
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. What's that?
266
00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:28,380
That doesn't begin with mini.
267
00:15:28,810 --> 00:15:32,950
You do it your way, and I'll do it my
way. Listen, I've had just about enough
268
00:15:32,950 --> 00:15:37,370
you, you lanky -head, eeny -meeny -miney
-moe -moron -mug. Shut up! Don't tell
269
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:39,190
my mate to shut up. You want to make
something of that?
270
00:15:39,410 --> 00:15:40,670
Yeah, come on. Right!
271
00:15:42,230 --> 00:15:49,030
What the hell do you think you're doing?
I've got the
272
00:15:49,030 --> 00:15:53,390
top five TV detectives from the last 20
years, and never mind find the killer,
273
00:15:53,530 --> 00:15:54,910
you haven't even got a clue.
274
00:15:55,250 --> 00:15:57,550
Well, you told us to do it his way, and
his way doesn't work.
275
00:15:57,930 --> 00:16:00,150
I was merely eliminating some early 70s
suspects.
276
00:16:00,610 --> 00:16:02,750
All you eliminated was five bottles of
claret.
277
00:16:02,990 --> 00:16:03,990
Why, didn't you do it my way?
278
00:16:04,190 --> 00:16:05,089
Shut up!
279
00:16:05,090 --> 00:16:06,090
That's enough!
280
00:16:06,630 --> 00:16:08,890
Now, don't you know how serious this is?
281
00:16:09,130 --> 00:16:14,530
Because of the gourmet detective
killing, every independent TV company is
282
00:16:14,530 --> 00:16:16,270
cop shows every day.
283
00:16:16,770 --> 00:16:18,190
They're scared, George.
284
00:16:18,490 --> 00:16:21,270
All the top TV cop actors are pulling
out.
285
00:16:21,550 --> 00:16:24,810
Yeah, look at this. The dull -as
-dishwater detective.
286
00:16:25,290 --> 00:16:27,450
14 million viewers. Huge.
287
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,960
Pulled. The actors run abroad. He's
scared.
288
00:16:31,580 --> 00:16:33,720
Detectives on the verge of a nervous
breakdown.
289
00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:35,800
Fourteen one hours for Granada.
290
00:16:36,020 --> 00:16:38,240
Pulled. The actor won't even get out of
bed.
291
00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:44,040
Scared. This one here. The whistling
detective who lives on a barge won't
292
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:45,180
go into production.
293
00:16:46,220 --> 00:16:49,840
Now, can you see what's happening, you
idiots?
294
00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:56,680
If all the cop shows are taken off the
TV, there'll be no more TV cops.
295
00:16:58,780 --> 00:17:05,339
Yes. Yes. Now you see how serious it is.
Yes, I do, Gubber. I know exactly what
296
00:17:05,339 --> 00:17:08,440
you've got to do about it. Oh, yeah? And
what do we have to do, George?
297
00:17:08,700 --> 00:17:11,260
Give us our heads. Get us back on the
plot.
298
00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:15,040
What, you really think that mid -70s
bullshit is going to help me? It's not
299
00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:17,060
-70s bullshit. It's that.
300
00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:20,319
Banging tables and shouting loudly.
301
00:17:20,619 --> 00:17:22,119
Yeah, shouting, freezing, tumbling.
302
00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:23,480
Quick one -liners.
303
00:17:23,579 --> 00:17:26,180
Diving on the fly. Drinking with
villains in pubs.
304
00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:29,380
Shut it, cover me. What with?
305
00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:33,660
That's a good one, line up. With one,
I'll come back. Shut it!
306
00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:38,840
And it's being able to say gov as many
times as I like.
307
00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:44,340
Gov! Gov! Gov! Gov! Gov! Gov! Gov! Gov!
Gov! Gov! Get up!
308
00:17:45,540 --> 00:17:46,540
All right.
309
00:17:47,260 --> 00:17:49,200
You've got 48 hours.
310
00:17:52,020 --> 00:17:53,020
We're back!
311
00:18:01,770 --> 00:18:04,370
and cover me, cover me and freeze.
312
00:18:04,990 --> 00:18:06,750
Running around shouting.
313
00:18:07,270 --> 00:18:08,870
Calling all my nice girls now.
314
00:18:09,510 --> 00:18:13,110
Driving fast like real big boys. A bus
would always go.
315
00:18:13,370 --> 00:18:17,450
Now, shout, freeze and cover me, cover
me and freeze.
316
00:18:18,190 --> 00:18:21,950
Shooting straight with a .38. Firing
from your knees.
317
00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:23,910
You guys are number two.
318
00:18:24,370 --> 00:18:26,270
Can't drive as fast as us.
319
00:18:26,790 --> 00:18:28,650
See you in the East End drinker.
320
00:18:29,010 --> 00:18:30,010
Catch up.
321
00:18:40,100 --> 00:18:42,900
Shut up.
322
00:19:04,650 --> 00:19:05,429
Come on, Jason.
323
00:19:05,430 --> 00:19:06,970
I thought I'd fired you.
324
00:19:07,930 --> 00:19:08,930
The lab reports.
325
00:19:09,450 --> 00:19:12,930
I was wondering if you'd mind lending
them to me just for a few hours.
326
00:19:13,450 --> 00:19:14,450
All right.
327
00:19:16,110 --> 00:19:18,170
But try not to get any claret on them.
328
00:19:18,730 --> 00:19:19,730
Thank you.
329
00:19:25,930 --> 00:19:27,250
What's the... Duck.
330
00:19:28,810 --> 00:19:29,810
What are we doing here?
331
00:19:29,890 --> 00:19:30,649
I don't know.
332
00:19:30,650 --> 00:19:31,650
Cover me.
333
00:19:35,530 --> 00:19:36,530
In the bar over there.
334
00:19:36,670 --> 00:19:37,670
Very stressed, Maple.
335
00:19:37,750 --> 00:19:41,690
Rear force beveling. Looks like it. Any
glasses on it? Yeah, plenty. Okay, let's
336
00:19:41,690 --> 00:19:42,690
go!
337
00:19:44,950 --> 00:19:49,010
A couple of baby chams, please. If you
think you can serve baby jam in a gaff
338
00:19:49,010 --> 00:19:50,310
like this, you're wrong.
339
00:19:50,850 --> 00:19:55,270
This is a villain's pub and I don't want
a baby jam. What I want is respect.
340
00:19:56,550 --> 00:19:58,370
Tell Big Nobby I want to see him.
341
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:21,240
This must be the lover duck club.
342
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:23,160
All right.
343
00:20:23,900 --> 00:20:25,280
Are we the only ones here?
344
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:28,460
A macho gunner in the toilet sorting out
their sexuality.
345
00:20:29,820 --> 00:20:31,740
This is shit. What are we doing here?
346
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:33,160
Catching villains.
347
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:34,460
Well, that's what George thinks.
348
00:20:34,700 --> 00:20:37,280
If we didn't drink it, we shouldn't be
here. We should be out storming
349
00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:39,020
embassies. Climbing chimneys. Yeah.
350
00:20:39,340 --> 00:20:40,179
Handbrake turns.
351
00:20:40,180 --> 00:20:41,179
Doing our own stuff.
352
00:20:41,180 --> 00:20:42,180
Shut up.
353
00:20:46,580 --> 00:20:48,360
Go and be taken. Don't wash their hands.
354
00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:50,060
Waste of time and film.
355
00:20:50,260 --> 00:20:56,060
Listen, I can wash my hands where and
when I want. And right now my hands need
356
00:20:56,060 --> 00:20:57,060
washing. Right?
357
00:20:57,340 --> 00:20:58,340
I'm sorry.
358
00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:02,620
There's no towel for Christ's sake.
359
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:08,040
Can't a copper dry his hands anymore?
I've got wet hands here and they need
360
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:11,100
drying. This place is a bloody car.
361
00:21:19,530 --> 00:21:23,210
You've been fired. This isn't your
country club lounge, Bentley.
362
00:21:23,570 --> 00:21:25,210
I don't serve claret here.
363
00:21:25,410 --> 00:21:27,610
This is a villain's drinker. Now, get!
364
00:21:28,150 --> 00:21:33,890
Hold up. Hold up. Hold up, hold up, hold
up. He might look a little sick, but
365
00:21:33,890 --> 00:21:35,930
he's here with his cups outside his
jacket.
366
00:21:36,290 --> 00:21:39,990
But he's got a hunch, so we suggest you
back it.
367
00:21:41,570 --> 00:21:42,570
Shut it!
368
00:21:44,030 --> 00:21:45,030
All right.
369
00:21:45,230 --> 00:21:46,230
What is it?
370
00:21:46,970 --> 00:21:49,150
I had the lab reports rechecked.
371
00:21:50,220 --> 00:21:51,880
I think I know who the killer is.
372
00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:54,700
On what grounds?
373
00:21:55,420 --> 00:21:56,660
The platform boots.
374
00:21:57,260 --> 00:21:59,340
It appears they're not the real thing.
375
00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:05,500
In fact, the test showed they were
bought only three months ago in
376
00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:07,500
Spanker.
377
00:22:08,140 --> 00:22:09,140
Spanker?
378
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:16,800
What are you trying to say? That I'm the
murderer?
379
00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:18,120
Well, let's face it.
380
00:22:18,590 --> 00:22:19,790
Who had the most to lose?
381
00:22:20,330 --> 00:22:24,250
I would say it was someone whose future
ratings were threatened by the Gourmet
382
00:22:24,250 --> 00:22:25,250
Detective.
383
00:22:25,650 --> 00:22:26,650
Wouldn't you?
384
00:22:39,170 --> 00:22:41,090
We've had our time.
385
00:22:41,370 --> 00:22:43,750
We've done our bit. We've had a great
deal of fun.
386
00:22:44,410 --> 00:22:46,310
But for us, it's over.
387
00:22:47,470 --> 00:22:49,050
I'm glad things are moving on.
388
00:22:49,710 --> 00:22:56,070
But you know, really, is staring at the
floor not combing your hair?
389
00:22:56,770 --> 00:22:58,110
Is that really progress?
390
00:22:59,450 --> 00:23:03,150
I think I prefer our shouting gunman.
391
00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:22,240
and I did it. I was jealous.
392
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:25,460
But could I just have one last request?
393
00:23:25,860 --> 00:23:26,860
What?
394
00:23:28,100 --> 00:23:30,740
Could I just walk across the room
slowly?
395
00:23:31,260 --> 00:23:32,260
And?
396
00:23:32,700 --> 00:23:33,800
Gaze at the floor.
397
00:23:34,300 --> 00:23:35,300
And?
398
00:23:35,340 --> 00:23:36,960
Not saying very much.
399
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:38,240
And?
400
00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:47,619
broken the gearbox.
401
00:24:47,620 --> 00:24:48,840
Well, you're the one who was driving it.
402
00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:56,960
What do you want? I want to be driving
around in circles for all I know. Yeah,
403
00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:57,960
so do I.
404
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:03,480
Hello?
405
00:25:03,700 --> 00:25:04,700
Oh, Tickner, man.
406
00:25:05,020 --> 00:25:08,580
No, I'm in the middle of a car chase at
the moment. I'm just trying to lose a
407
00:25:08,580 --> 00:25:11,360
couple that has been detected from the
70s. Hello, Derek.
408
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:13,680
How many loons have we sold today?
409
00:25:15,020 --> 00:25:16,820
That's not bad for a Wednesday, yes.
410
00:25:19,180 --> 00:25:23,400
Better order some pink cheesecloth as
well.
411
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:28,180
I'm doing a bit of business. I can't
tell you what it is. It's a bit hushy
412
00:25:28,180 --> 00:25:32,260
-hushy. Don't do it, then. Don't do it,
George. I might just go and do that. All
413
00:25:32,260 --> 00:25:33,520
right. At least he's on the move.
414
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:36,480
Jobs! Jobs!
415
00:25:37,180 --> 00:25:38,800
Jobs! You what?
416
00:25:39,120 --> 00:25:40,700
They've closed the shipyards.
417
00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:43,960
So this is it. You want to split up? No,
I just wanted to split up.
418
00:25:44,379 --> 00:25:45,379
Bonehead, it's stopped.
419
00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:47,160
No more ships on the Tain.
420
00:25:47,420 --> 00:25:48,700
Let's go. I've got to go.
421
00:25:52,380 --> 00:25:53,500
Let's go. Let's go.
422
00:25:53,860 --> 00:25:55,780
Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
Let's go.
423
00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:07,120
Where's all the wasteland and the
disused factories, Foyle?
424
00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:08,800
Where's all the rusty girders?
425
00:26:09,340 --> 00:26:11,100
There, look. There's no puddles to run
through.
426
00:26:11,780 --> 00:26:12,780
It's still light.
427
00:26:38,670 --> 00:26:39,670
Sticky nettles, follow.
428
00:26:40,410 --> 00:26:41,810
Sticky nettles, back down, follow.
429
00:26:42,070 --> 00:26:43,070
Nice geranium.
430
00:26:47,550 --> 00:26:50,170
You couldn't take it, could you,
spanker?
431
00:26:50,450 --> 00:26:56,390
You couldn't take the gourmet detective
wearing your crown, stealing your
432
00:26:56,390 --> 00:27:01,850
thunder. We all had to take it, spanker.
We all had to accept our days were
433
00:27:01,850 --> 00:27:03,550
over. You couldn't.
434
00:27:05,750 --> 00:27:08,170
I'll take the high road. I'll take the
low road. Let's split up.
435
00:27:08,410 --> 00:27:09,410
Okay, let's go. Let's go.
436
00:27:11,010 --> 00:27:13,510
Come on, Spanker. Tell us about it.
437
00:27:13,750 --> 00:27:16,010
I never had your chances, George.
438
00:27:16,550 --> 00:27:18,770
What are you doing, Paul? I'm going to
do some crawling. Where?
439
00:27:18,970 --> 00:27:19,749
Over there.
440
00:27:19,750 --> 00:27:20,750
Right, I'm going to do some over here.
441
00:27:20,970 --> 00:27:21,970
Okay, let's go. Let's go.
442
00:27:22,310 --> 00:27:24,070
I wanted fast cars, too.
443
00:27:24,470 --> 00:27:26,190
But it was ten years too late.
444
00:27:26,810 --> 00:27:30,470
All I got was marriage problems in a
northern atmosphere.
445
00:27:30,830 --> 00:27:34,990
I had marriage problems as well,
Spanker. But do you know what?
446
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:45,680
like you do.
447
00:27:46,020 --> 00:27:48,140
Yeah, by shouting governor.
448
00:27:48,500 --> 00:27:50,540
No, by doing this.
449
00:27:53,620 --> 00:27:54,620
Governor!
450
00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:57,540
It doesn't work anymore, George.
451
00:27:58,240 --> 00:27:59,340
This is reality.
452
00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:03,760
This isn't your pathetic shoot of mine
at 100 yards, crap.
453
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:06,020
The public won't wear it, George.
454
00:28:06,340 --> 00:28:08,880
Yes, well, I'm four feet away. Do you
think they'll wear that?
455
00:28:09,220 --> 00:28:10,800
What are you going to do about it, old
man?
456
00:28:11,120 --> 00:28:13,800
Well, I'm just going to clean this way.
457
00:28:14,490 --> 00:28:17,450
Lean that way, then have a glass of
wine.
458
00:28:18,430 --> 00:28:20,870
And, uh, scratch my knee.
459
00:28:21,190 --> 00:28:22,190
Okay, let's go!
460
00:28:24,130 --> 00:28:26,050
Ah, I'll try the gun.
461
00:28:26,410 --> 00:28:28,690
Great! Where's the shooting star? No!
462
00:28:29,890 --> 00:28:31,450
Shooting's too good for him.
463
00:28:32,950 --> 00:28:34,690
I've got a better idea.
464
00:28:36,630 --> 00:28:40,330
I don't think I can watch this.
465
00:28:40,610 --> 00:28:42,130
Apparently millions of people do.
466
00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:44,240
Poor bastard.
467
00:28:44,900 --> 00:28:46,740
Yeah, well, he had it coming to him for
him.
468
00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:48,640
Shooting would have been a kindness.
469
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:54,560
Yeah. Nothing worse than being a
faceless copper in uniform three nights
470
00:28:58,760 --> 00:28:59,880
Shoot me!
471
00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:02,660
Please, please, shoot me!
472
00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:04,720
Oh, you will be shot, mate.
473
00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:06,120
On tape.
474
00:29:06,820 --> 00:29:08,400
No more film for you.
475
00:29:10,190 --> 00:29:12,450
I can't take any more of this. Let's go.
476
00:29:13,130 --> 00:29:15,010
Yeah. Cover me.
477
00:29:17,130 --> 00:29:19,290
Ronnie, give us a tune.
478
00:29:19,790 --> 00:29:21,570
I don't know. Feel the mood.
479
00:29:23,130 --> 00:29:24,210
We'll have a glass.
480
00:29:25,690 --> 00:29:28,630
George, what are we drinking to?
481
00:29:29,030 --> 00:29:30,590
The 70s, Gav.
482
00:29:30,950 --> 00:29:32,710
The 70s!
483
00:29:33,010 --> 00:29:34,690
And God bless them.
484
00:30:24,490 --> 00:30:26,530
Thank God. Stop looking out that window.
485
00:31:21,550 --> 00:31:23,230
I'm getting too old for this, Foil.
Yeah.
486
00:31:25,730 --> 00:31:26,729
See what I see?
487
00:31:26,730 --> 00:31:27,950
What? A puddle.
488
00:31:28,310 --> 00:31:29,970
Where? Over there.
489
00:31:31,110 --> 00:31:32,950
Then flash through it, Foil! Let's go.
490
00:31:33,150 --> 00:31:34,150
Let's go!
36642
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