Original subtitles

Let the trial commence.

First, we will hear the case for the prosecution.

You shall not know. These are British scum who should be killed now and

Well, I've listened to the pros and cons of the case and the complex legal

arguments on both sides.

My task is not an easy one.

On the one hand, my...

Legal friend says they should die slowly.

And on the other... Well,

in the light of these new circumstances, I

sentence you both to be beaten to death.

Do the British spies have anything to say before sentence is carried out?

Yes, I do.

Speak.

Well, I'm not a top British spy.

I'm not a top British anything, really. My name is Stanley Rawlings.

I'm a driver for Stanton Security Services.

Trust is everything in my job.

I wouldn't even nick a biro, never mind four million quid.

But I did it because of Francis.

So what happened then?

We got caught and sentenced to 30 years in Dartmoor Prison.

But we managed to escape.

And that's when we headed for Heathrow Airport.

I'm so nervous. This is the most security conscious airport in the world.

What do we do? Drollo?

Look, it's very simple, Stan. When we get to the gate, just say something

Cor blimey, guv, these Japs eat a lot of ice cream, don't they, mate?

Nobody says cor blimey any more these days, brollo.

Well, whatever gauntlet slang you're happy with.

Cor blimey, guv.

Cor blimey, guv. These ice cream... No, what was it?

Oh, nurse.

Cor blimey, guv. Those ice cream.

What do I do now?

Are you sure you know how to play one of your things, mate?

Oh, yeah, I'll put a test in one.

Of course, that was for my first break, though.

It's all the same thing. It's just a flick and a couple of pedals.

We were going to die.

That was for certain. But you don't think of that when you're in love.

especially when the one you love is 12 ,000 miles away, her precious life at

mercy of those cruel beasts of war.

Well, that's what I thought.

Actually, she was out birdwatching. Can you see the nest?

It's about ten foot below.

Which there isn't.

And if there isn't one?

Which there won't be.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have just landed at Heathrow Catport.

I'm changing crews here, so I'll come up after the crew and myself, Captain

Lips. May I wish you a very pleasant onward journey to...

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is Captain Cook welcoming you

We'll be taking off shortly for our destination abroad and we'll be flying

high and jolly fast.

Thank you.

Cabin doors to Manuel, please.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard this flight. The crew will now

the safety features on the plane.

There are seven emergency exits which are clearly marked. One in the upstairs

lounge and six in the main cabin. Two in first class, two over each wing and two

at the rear of the cabin.

The life jackets are stored under your seat.

Please watch carefully as the cabin crew will now demonstrate how to put them

on.

First, put the life jacket over your head.

Cross the two ties behind your back and then secure at the front.

Hello, Air Traffic Control.

We've got an RSVP on the winker and our BAT -69 is at 11 to 1 and stable. Over.

Uh, sorry. I can't

find reverse.

Try again.

BAT. BAT. Come on, let's turn on a bit. BAT. That's it.

BAT. Keep going. Plenty of room.

Keep going. Keep going. Left a bit. Stop.

I'll go forward.

Ginger, do not open.

Hello, Air Traffic Control, this is Zero Delta Tango, standing by, ready for

takeoff.

Zero Delta Tango, I am speaking to Captain Donaldson on time.

Hello, Air Traffic Control, this is Captain Donaldson. I'm so sorry about

confusion just now.

We just had Princess Michael up here on the flight deck, and I'm afraid I was

rather showing off.

But Mira Culper, abject apologies.

We're all tickety -boo and ready for takeoff.

Come on, Heathrow. We've got 15 flights here from Malacca stacked up over

Purley.

Zero Oscar Tango is cleared for takeoff.

Well, this is it, Max.

We're all in your hands now.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

I can't eat this.

Why? What's wrong with it?

You taste it.

No.

Disgusting.

Well, I must eat something. I'm very hungry.

You have something else?

Oh, right.

I'll see what else there is. Okay. Well, of course.

Tickle that.

I'll have a Bloody Mary.

You've only got Bloody Lark, yeah?

I want a Jack.

When's it my turn?

Um, well, okay, Billy.

Just keep her steady and don't touch any of these.

Ah.

Uh -huh.

Oh, it smells so good.

Yes, it does. Can I have the same?

What? Me too, please. No garlic.

I'll have the same with garlic.

Can I have some mushrooms with it too, please?

Mary?

Max?

How are you?

I'm fine.

I thought you were in prison. Well, I was, but we got out.

What are you doing in this plane, then?

I've decided to see my sister in Vancouver and maybe start a new life.

Oh, don't tell the other passengers, but this plane isn't going to Vancouver.

It's going to the Falkland Island.

Now I'm going to talk to the captain.

Mary.

I am the captain.

Oh, my God, we're all going to die.

It's our chance to die again, Mary, isn't it, eh?

Fallen Islands.

You've always wanted sheep, haven't you?

I mean, it's a chance to start again, just you and me.

This is your captain speaking.

Breathe through your oxygen mask.

That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about.

It is.

I'm sure it is.

Look.

Certainly looks like it.

This is it, isn't it?

It's the Falklands.

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. This is Captain Donald Duck here.

We're about to land, so please don't look down.

So, if Billy and I aren't back in three hours, you'll come and look for us. You

couldn't rely on it, Stan.

Good luck.

All the best, Stan.

I don't like the look of this, Billy.

Look, look!

Francis?

Oh, Stan, I'm so happy you're here.

It's okay, Stan's here.

Where are they?

Who? The arches!

Look, Stan, there's something I've got to explain to you.

France, I mean, Sir Cathy, was insanely jealous, you see.

And when she found out that, in fact, you preferred me in the photograph, then

she went berserk and started fantasising crazy things about Argentinian

soldiers. So there are no Argies?

Well, where's the mad mouse you are now?

Well, you see, the night before last, she ran out of this hut screaming in

Argentinian and simply...

She threw herself over the cliff.

Hello, you're still alive. I thought you'd be dead by now.

Help me!

Help me!

Help me!

Oh, actually, before you go, the most amazing thing has happened. Your

has turned up.

He's come to rescue you from all those cruel Argentinian soldiers.

Stan!

My goodness, this thing's so heavy. No!

Why don't you try and eat some of this, Humbert?

I'm, um, looking for some toothpaste.

I haven't brushed my teeth for a week.

What's my call sign?

Um, seven...

You're not Frances, are you?

No, I'm not.

I'm not Cathy, either.

If you're so keen on blonde, then why don't you take this one?

Sons of spin!

You've done so well, my little...

of death.

First, we captured the island undercover, thanks to the courage of our

agent here, who has done so much for the flesh's cause in Argentina.

Long live General Calciere!

Hold on. Hold on, Francis.

I can't.

I'm coming. I'm coming.

Stretch.

I can't.

Grab my foot.

Now, see if you can climb up me.

Now, don't let go of my underpants, whatever you do.

I won't.

I'm so glad to see you.

And that's how it happened.

I didn't come here to cause any trouble or anything or upset anybody.

I came here because, well, because I love Francis.

I've no idea who's got the most right to these islands.

I don't know why we can't all live here.

They're nice, these islands.

Peaceful, by the sea.

If I wasn't going to die, I'd like to have got hold of one of those stone huts

up there.

Could be nice done up there.

Crazy paving, double glazing.

Your Worship, my clients have changed their plea.

They want to be kicked to death.

So, Stan, you came all this way looking for...

Love and crazy paving.

And all you found was crazy death.

for me, my darling.

They're back, so -called South Atlantic raiders, who robbed a bank in the

Midlands to finance a bazaar to support them in search of two missing British

girls. The Home Secretary has just made this statement.

In the light of the courage and bravery that these poor men showed of preventing

what could have been a major attack by the Argentine forces, I've decided,

therefore, that their 30 -year prison sentence should be reduced to one year

an easy prison.