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you some questions individually, and all
you have to do is answer me, and I will
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00:00:31,540 --> 00:00:32,540
mark you for the exam.
3
00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:34,960
So, let me begin with Lauren.
4
00:00:36,700 --> 00:00:37,700
Ça va, Lauren?
5
00:00:40,940 --> 00:00:41,940
Oui,
6
00:00:43,740 --> 00:00:45,460
Lauren, il faut que vous parlez en
français.
7
00:00:46,940 --> 00:00:47,940
Lauren,
8
00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:51,640
it's a French oral exam. You have to try
to speak in French. Whatever.
9
00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:55,300
Lauren, s 'il vous plaît, quel âge avez
-vous?
10
00:00:55,980 --> 00:00:59,220
I... I don't know, ask me in English.
11
00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:04,280
Lauren, it's a French oral test.
12
00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:06,820
But I ain't a French oral.
13
00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:12,420
What? I'm an English oral. So if you
want to ask me a question, ask me in
14
00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:15,940
English. Lauren, French is an important
language.
15
00:01:16,140 --> 00:01:16,899
Not for me, eh?
16
00:01:16,900 --> 00:01:19,960
It can teach you a lot about your own
language. Thank you.
17
00:01:20,300 --> 00:01:22,220
Lauren, you have to try to make an
effort. No, I don't.
18
00:01:22,460 --> 00:01:23,880
It's a beautiful language.
19
00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:25,920
Miss, have you got airy armpits?
20
00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:28,619
I beg your pardon?
21
00:01:28,620 --> 00:01:31,580
Are you scared of razors, miss? No, I'm
not. Are they expensive in French land?
22
00:01:31,740 --> 00:01:32,259
No, they're not.
23
00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:33,320
Well, why don't you buy one, then?
24
00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:34,520
How dare you?
25
00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:36,000
Miss, were you in a la -la -la?
26
00:01:37,740 --> 00:01:40,360
No. Miss, say good morning.
27
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:43,680
No. Go on, just say good morning.
28
00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:46,640
No. Go on, say good morning. No, I'm not
going to say that. Please, miss, just
29
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:47,640
say good morning.
30
00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:48,740
Say good morning.
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00:01:49,180 --> 00:01:50,079
Good morning.
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00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:51,080
You were in a la -la -la.
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00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:55,140
Right, Lauren, that's enough. I'm not
going to stand here and listen to this
34
00:01:55,140 --> 00:01:58,480
kind of xenophobic abuse from a stupid
girl who is too ignorant to even learn
35
00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:01,840
the language, let alone understand the
people. I will fail you for this test,
36
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:04,420
which means you will get an F for the
entire module.
37
00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:54,000
Absolutely appalling. Do you behave like
this at home?
38
00:03:12,219 --> 00:03:17,620
I'm proud to call myself French.
39
00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:21,780
Our nation has produced some of the
finest examples of culture
40
00:03:27,580 --> 00:03:29,140
contribution to modern civilization.
41
00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:35,340
And you, young lady, if you bothered to
pay the slightest attention in my
42
00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:38,340
lessons, might benefit also.
43
00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:41,440
Have you been eating garlic?
44
00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:50,500
I can't believe it. Our first home.
45
00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:51,399
I know.
46
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:52,760
I never thought we'd exchange.
47
00:03:53,140 --> 00:03:57,040
And you've got the panoramic view you've
always wanted. Yeah, 18th floor.
48
00:03:58,460 --> 00:04:01,620
Oh, I'm just going to get a bag of knick
-knacks. Oh, you and your knick
49
00:04:01,620 --> 00:04:02,620
-knacks.
50
00:04:03,420 --> 00:04:04,420
I'll see you up there.
51
00:04:33,419 --> 00:04:34,960
I can't do this anymore.
52
00:04:35,500 --> 00:04:37,340
I don't like this any more than you do.
53
00:04:37,660 --> 00:04:39,060
I shouldn't be here.
54
00:04:39,740 --> 00:04:40,760
You're all I think about.
55
00:04:44,460 --> 00:04:45,460
No!
56
00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:49,120
Cut there.
57
00:04:49,700 --> 00:04:50,980
Is everything all right?
58
00:04:51,340 --> 00:04:52,600
Yeah. Fine.
59
00:04:54,020 --> 00:04:55,100
Is something wrong?
60
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:56,420
No.
61
00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:58,380
Let's just start again straight away.
62
00:04:58,740 --> 00:04:59,880
I'm just going to take two.
63
00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:05,300
I can't do this anymore.
64
00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:07,100
I don't like this any more than you.
65
00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:08,560
I shouldn't be here.
66
00:05:09,220 --> 00:05:10,400
You're all I think about.
67
00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:23,260
Let's just do one more. Can you maybe
make it a little more truthful this
68
00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:28,430
Yeah. Yes, yes, sure, sir. I thought I
was, actually.
69
00:05:28,710 --> 00:05:31,170
But no, cool, let's do another one.
70
00:05:31,450 --> 00:05:34,210
Sorry. No, don't worry about it. Let's
do one more. OK.
71
00:05:34,410 --> 00:05:37,830
I can't go on like this.
72
00:05:38,290 --> 00:05:39,950
I don't like this any more than you do.
73
00:05:40,190 --> 00:05:41,210
I shouldn't be here.
74
00:05:41,770 --> 00:05:42,850
You're all I think about.
75
00:05:45,210 --> 00:05:47,690
Oh, well, if you're going to be like
that about it, missus.
76
00:05:48,870 --> 00:05:49,870
Is that any better?
77
00:05:51,310 --> 00:05:52,630
OK, we're going again.
78
00:05:54,730 --> 00:05:57,570
Yeah, we're going to be losing it a
little at the end there.
79
00:05:57,830 --> 00:05:59,070
Do you? Right.
80
00:05:59,370 --> 00:06:00,370
OK, sorry.
81
00:06:01,070 --> 00:06:02,070
What do you mean?
82
00:06:02,230 --> 00:06:03,230
Well,
83
00:06:03,470 --> 00:06:04,890
it's your voice, Ashley.
84
00:06:05,210 --> 00:06:06,430
Oh, that's odd.
85
00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:08,070
I'm sorry.
86
00:06:08,430 --> 00:06:09,329
It's fine.
87
00:06:09,330 --> 00:06:15,170
Yeah, it's just beginning to slip into
something else that's not quite you.
88
00:06:16,690 --> 00:06:17,690
Right.
89
00:06:18,130 --> 00:06:23,310
Oh, hold on. I'm not doing my Frankie
Howard, am I?
90
00:06:23,980 --> 00:06:25,220
Yes, that's exactly it.
91
00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:27,180
It's a bit like Frankie Howard.
92
00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:29,520
Oh, I've had that note before.
93
00:06:30,060 --> 00:06:32,200
It's something I do with my mouth,
apparently.
94
00:06:32,500 --> 00:06:34,020
I'm amazed that you spotted that.
95
00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:36,400
It's come across quite broad, actually.
96
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:37,800
Is it?
97
00:06:38,100 --> 00:06:40,320
Oh, I'm a bit freaked out by that.
98
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,640
It's about this thing about film, isn't
it? I mean, it just picks up the
99
00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:45,920
slightest thing. Yeah, right.
100
00:06:46,380 --> 00:06:50,180
So, ready to go again? Yes, yes. No, I
absolutely know what you mean. Yeah.
101
00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:51,960
OK. Let's set off one last time.
102
00:06:54,969 --> 00:06:56,270
I can't go on like this.
103
00:06:56,670 --> 00:06:58,390
I don't like this any more than you do.
104
00:06:59,070 --> 00:07:00,270
I shouldn't be here.
105
00:07:00,990 --> 00:07:02,130
You're all I think about.
106
00:07:13,790 --> 00:07:14,790
No!
107
00:07:15,630 --> 00:07:18,430
Sorry, keep rolling, keep rolling. This
is the one, this is the one. Give me the
108
00:07:18,430 --> 00:07:19,430
cue line.
109
00:07:19,550 --> 00:07:20,810
You're all I think about.
110
00:07:21,110 --> 00:07:22,110
Don't say that.
111
00:07:22,490 --> 00:07:23,570
Love you so much.
112
00:07:25,650 --> 00:07:27,390
Oh, no. What?
113
00:07:28,230 --> 00:07:31,390
No, well, that's a big one. Oh, yes.
114
00:07:31,770 --> 00:07:37,970
Oh, no. What? Shut your face. No. Down
in the meadow in a little pretty pool.
115
00:07:38,030 --> 00:07:39,030
One, three.
116
00:07:39,370 --> 00:07:40,370
One,
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00:07:40,950 --> 00:07:44,290
what? No. Shut your face. What? No.
118
00:07:44,650 --> 00:07:45,670
Oh, yes.
119
00:07:46,090 --> 00:07:47,910
No, Mrs. What?
120
00:07:48,130 --> 00:07:50,290
Shut your face. Shut your...
121
00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:02,180
I think that was the line.
122
00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:06,480
Sunday and Monday, happy days.
123
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,800
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days.
124
00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:11,080
Thursday, Friday, happy days.
125
00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:13,200
Saturday. What a day.
126
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:14,820
Running all week with you.
127
00:08:15,420 --> 00:08:16,420
Morning,
128
00:08:16,980 --> 00:08:20,500
Mark. Morning, Georgie. How was your
weekend, pet?
129
00:08:20,780 --> 00:08:21,920
Lovely, thank you.
130
00:08:22,300 --> 00:08:24,140
Michaela went to a sleepover party.
131
00:08:24,730 --> 00:08:25,910
Did she have a good night?
132
00:08:26,170 --> 00:08:29,990
Or did she wake up in the morning with
her pyjama button sodden and another
133
00:08:29,990 --> 00:08:30,990
mattress ruined?
134
00:08:32,909 --> 00:08:34,409
No, it was fine.
135
00:08:34,750 --> 00:08:37,770
Hey, that's champion news.
136
00:08:38,830 --> 00:08:41,330
Can I borrow your nice non -sliphole
puncher?
137
00:08:43,070 --> 00:08:45,490
Sure. I'll tell you what it is.
138
00:08:46,530 --> 00:08:51,350
Me and some of the other girls down at
the Weir side work in Mother's Club
139
00:08:51,350 --> 00:08:52,590
a little fundraiser.
140
00:08:52,970 --> 00:08:53,970
Oh, another one.
141
00:08:54,070 --> 00:08:55,450
What are you doing this time?
142
00:08:55,930 --> 00:08:58,490
We're pulling a Boeing 747.
143
00:09:01,030 --> 00:09:05,450
From Whitley Bay to Tynemouth using only
the B roads.
144
00:09:07,490 --> 00:09:12,850
For all the little folk in the North
East area who suffer from sex addiction.
145
00:09:14,390 --> 00:09:15,390
Sex addiction?
146
00:09:15,690 --> 00:09:17,510
Is that a big problem in the North East?
147
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:21,350
Did you know that one in four
families...
148
00:09:21,610 --> 00:09:26,270
Settle down to watch telly of a Saturday
evening, knowing in their hearts
149
00:09:26,270 --> 00:09:31,290
they're going to have to endure the
distraction of Dad hunched up at the end
150
00:09:31,290 --> 00:09:33,010
the sofa knocking one out.
151
00:09:35,790 --> 00:09:36,850
It's only noise.
152
00:09:37,550 --> 00:09:40,370
If you don't believe me, log on to the
website.
153
00:09:41,230 --> 00:09:48,210
www .hownicetomeetyou .co .uk forward
slash cannot trouble you for a
154
00:09:48,210 --> 00:09:49,230
soapy tit wank.
155
00:09:54,830 --> 00:09:55,830
I'll put you down for.
156
00:09:58,270 --> 00:10:00,010
Let's say three pounds.
157
00:10:02,450 --> 00:10:03,470
Three pounds?
158
00:10:04,650 --> 00:10:08,910
I'm not sure you quite understand the
scale of this epidemic, Martin.
159
00:10:09,330 --> 00:10:15,750
Every 38 minutes, one of these poor
little unfortunates, through no fault of
160
00:10:15,750 --> 00:10:21,010
own, ducks into the nearest
delicatessen, sinks his old fella into a
161
00:10:21,010 --> 00:10:22,370
hummus and starts pumping away.
162
00:10:25,870 --> 00:10:27,870
Sorry, George, it's just a bit hard at
the moment.
163
00:10:30,710 --> 00:10:34,010
Sorry, I didn't mean... Aye, that's it.
164
00:10:35,310 --> 00:10:36,310
Laugh it off.
165
00:10:37,510 --> 00:10:42,930
How would you like it if every time
someone rubbed up against you in home
166
00:10:43,150 --> 00:10:48,790
you had to sneak off into bathroom
fittings for a swift -hand shindig?
167
00:10:51,630 --> 00:10:52,690
I'm really sorry.
168
00:10:53,050 --> 00:10:54,050
Four pounds.
169
00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:55,600
£4?
170
00:10:55,960 --> 00:11:01,120
For all those poor little lasses who
cannae even go to the post office to buy
171
00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:04,480
boot of stamps without sitting on the
cashier's face.
172
00:11:07,260 --> 00:11:08,780
It's my absolute top.
173
00:11:09,780 --> 00:11:10,900
£4 it is, then?
174
00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:15,440
I've just had one of those weeks. Well,
then let's say no more about it because
175
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:17,300
I wouldn't want it to come between us.
176
00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:20,840
Is that a new blouse, Georgie?
177
00:11:24,949 --> 00:11:27,230
I'm not. Didn't you wear it before?
Looks nice.
178
00:11:31,390 --> 00:11:34,190
That'll cool you down, you horny little
beggar.
179
00:11:40,070 --> 00:11:40,670
Oh,
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00:11:40,670 --> 00:11:47,170
Mummy,
181
00:11:47,490 --> 00:11:52,810
I do enjoy our visits to Guillaume. He
really is the greatest charcuterie in
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00:11:52,810 --> 00:11:53,810
London.
183
00:11:59,850 --> 00:12:01,210
Good God in heaven above.
184
00:12:01,750 --> 00:12:02,750
What is it?
185
00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:04,890
I must have taken a wrong turning.
186
00:12:05,930 --> 00:12:10,730
We seem to have driven into a place
called... Tottingham.
187
00:12:13,510 --> 00:12:14,530
Mummy, look!
188
00:12:15,070 --> 00:12:16,070
What's that?
189
00:12:18,850 --> 00:12:22,210
Shall we feed him? No, if you do that,
he may follow us home.
190
00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:25,270
Mummy, this is scary.
191
00:12:32,650 --> 00:12:36,350
We must remember the time we were on
safari in the Serengeti.
192
00:12:37,210 --> 00:12:41,650
We keep the windows and doors locked and
don't let the locals see the windscreen
193
00:12:41,650 --> 00:12:43,910
wipers moving in case they try to rip
them off.
194
00:12:45,070 --> 00:12:46,290
Mummy, look at this.
195
00:12:48,130 --> 00:12:49,170
Yes, I've got it.
196
00:12:50,410 --> 00:12:52,690
I think they sell... Sell what, Mummy?
197
00:12:54,050 --> 00:12:55,050
Frozen food.
198
00:12:59,830 --> 00:13:04,420
Now, try not to panic, but the traffic
lights... are red and there's a man
199
00:13:04,420 --> 00:13:07,000
standing next to them with a bucket of
dirty water and a sponge.
200
00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:10,640
Smile and look out front.
201
00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:47,920
Well, it's a day at the coast, isn't it?
We're on our way to Filey because I
202
00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:52,160
wanted to look round the Museum of
Victoriana and Ray fancied a fish
203
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:53,980
Best fish and chips in Europe.
204
00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:59,020
Mind you, we didn't go straight there,
did we? We stopped off in Castleford to
205
00:13:59,020 --> 00:14:00,040
see our Valder.
206
00:14:00,580 --> 00:14:01,580
Big mistake.
207
00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:05,800
So we get there and she's only having a
charity coffee morning.
208
00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:08,780
A coffee morning for charity.
209
00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:10,880
This is in Castleford.
210
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:12,920
So we knock on the door.
211
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:14,220
Listen to this.
212
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:17,080
And it's 50p to get in.
213
00:14:17,700 --> 00:14:19,340
50p to get into her house.
214
00:14:19,820 --> 00:14:21,320
Steve, it's for the blind.
215
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:23,360
It's not even a house, it's a bungalow.
216
00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:28,600
So we step in and she asks us to take
her shoes off. She's not even a Muslim.
217
00:14:29,060 --> 00:14:32,800
We both went to the lounge and the world
and his wife were there.
218
00:14:33,060 --> 00:14:34,060
At 50p a pop.
219
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:35,940
Except for the Aynsworth.
220
00:14:36,460 --> 00:14:40,280
who'd all gone to Huddersfield cos their
Jessica's got another interview at
221
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:41,480
Huddersfield University.
222
00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,340
She'll not get in.
223
00:14:43,540 --> 00:14:45,800
So she brings us over a coffee.
224
00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:48,520
Valder. Listen to this.
225
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:53,580
She says, I hope you don't mind, but I'm
allergic to dairy.
226
00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:55,080
She can't eat milk.
227
00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:58,740
And you'll never guess what she's made
the coffee with instead.
228
00:14:59,300 --> 00:15:00,580
This is unbelievable.
229
00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:02,740
What did she call it?
230
00:15:03,660 --> 00:15:04,660
Rice.
231
00:15:05,230 --> 00:15:06,230
Light.
232
00:15:06,730 --> 00:15:07,730
Don't ask.
233
00:15:08,410 --> 00:15:09,990
Rice. Light.
234
00:15:11,550 --> 00:15:13,730
Do you know what it is? Wait for it.
235
00:15:15,090 --> 00:15:16,090
Milk.
236
00:15:16,650 --> 00:15:17,970
Made from rice.
237
00:15:19,470 --> 00:15:20,470
Rice.
238
00:15:21,350 --> 00:15:22,350
Milk.
239
00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:24,990
The dirty bastard.
240
00:15:25,870 --> 00:15:30,250
They get a bit of rice and they squeeze
it. And what comes out the end, they
241
00:15:30,250 --> 00:15:32,790
stick in a carton and call it rice milk.
242
00:15:33,420 --> 00:15:37,620
He went mad, didn't you? Don't get me
wrong. I'm as broad -minded as the next
243
00:15:37,620 --> 00:15:41,400
man. He once shook hands with a fella
who was definitely a little bit
244
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:43,900
effeminate. But I'm not having that. No
way.
245
00:15:44,300 --> 00:15:45,560
But that's not it.
246
00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:47,760
She gives us a bill for the coffee.
247
00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:49,400
Tell him how much.
248
00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:52,620
£1 .50 each.
249
00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:55,200
£3 in all.
250
00:15:55,900 --> 00:15:59,120
Two coffees, shit milk, £3.
251
00:15:59,780 --> 00:16:01,700
Even Dick Turpin wore a mask.
252
00:16:03,370 --> 00:16:04,750
I came out with the wrong shoes.
253
00:16:05,750 --> 00:16:11,130
The dirty, evil, lactose intolerant
bastards.
254
00:16:14,110 --> 00:16:15,910
So he finally proposed?
255
00:16:16,450 --> 00:16:20,730
Yeah. He asked me last night. It was so
romantic. That is fantastic.
256
00:16:21,070 --> 00:16:22,070
Congratulations.
257
00:16:22,710 --> 00:16:23,609
Thank you.
258
00:16:23,610 --> 00:16:25,670
I'm absolutely delighted.
259
00:16:25,930 --> 00:16:29,490
That is so exciting. I'm going to get
married.
260
00:16:31,930 --> 00:16:34,510
Oh, hang on a minute. I'm just going to
go and get a bag of monster lunch. Okay.
261
00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:18,040
Night day.
262
00:17:18,619 --> 00:17:19,619
Smacking.
263
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:22,579
Beautiful on the heath this time of
year.
264
00:17:23,020 --> 00:17:24,880
The crisp or tamal air.
265
00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:27,420
The crackle of leaves underfoot.
266
00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:28,840
Knock her out.
267
00:17:42,820 --> 00:17:45,080
I had a tall skinny latte earlier.
268
00:17:45,460 --> 00:17:46,460
I know the feeling.
269
00:17:54,730 --> 00:17:55,369
help you do?
270
00:17:55,370 --> 00:17:57,890
Well, I was wondering if I could help
you.
271
00:17:58,470 --> 00:17:59,470
How do you mean?
272
00:18:00,110 --> 00:18:01,750
Would you like to join me in there?
273
00:18:03,470 --> 00:18:04,470
In there?
274
00:18:05,190 --> 00:18:06,190
For what?
275
00:18:08,050 --> 00:18:09,050
Some fun.
276
00:18:09,390 --> 00:18:10,390
I beg pardon?
277
00:18:10,650 --> 00:18:16,390
I was wondering if you and I could get
together for some fun.
278
00:18:17,030 --> 00:18:18,130
Yes, I heard that bit.
279
00:18:18,450 --> 00:18:19,450
Come on then.
280
00:18:20,230 --> 00:18:21,230
Unleash the monster.
281
00:18:26,430 --> 00:18:27,830
Do you mean you're not?
282
00:18:28,030 --> 00:18:29,870
Me dear, me dear, gay dear, no dear.
283
00:18:30,430 --> 00:18:35,570
Just because a man knows the entire
dance routine for making your mind up,
284
00:18:35,570 --> 00:18:40,130
rip and all, you accuse him of bowling
from the pavilion end?
285
00:18:41,390 --> 00:18:43,610
I'm sorry, I thought you were cruising.
286
00:18:45,390 --> 00:18:48,270
Cruising? I've never been so insulted.
287
00:18:48,970 --> 00:18:50,910
What can I say? I've made a mistake.
288
00:18:51,470 --> 00:18:55,270
25 years my mother and I have been cabin
on this piece and I've never in all
289
00:18:55,270 --> 00:18:58,670
that time been accused of being a
chutney ferret.
290
00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:02,550
I am so sorry.
291
00:19:03,050 --> 00:19:04,050
Cruising for...
292
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:28,480
Jelly Deals.
293
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:30,460
This is in London.
294
00:19:31,460 --> 00:19:36,080
The Dirty Evil Cockney Bastards.
295
00:19:43,060 --> 00:19:44,160
Morning, Neville.
296
00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:45,920
How are you diddling?
297
00:19:46,260 --> 00:19:47,260
Looks about all right.
298
00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:50,160
Yourself? I stopped my feet, Neville.
299
00:19:50,420 --> 00:19:51,420
It's been a while.
300
00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:06,900
that fella.
301
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:08,340
Who's that fella, Vern?
302
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:11,620
Big fat bloke with a beard.
303
00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:14,160
Got an eye for the ladies.
304
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:15,840
Got an eye for the ladies.
305
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:17,320
Lunch chicken.
306
00:20:17,660 --> 00:20:18,660
Jeff Cates.
307
00:20:18,900 --> 00:20:20,900
No, he never leaves the house.
308
00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:23,260
Oh, what's his name?
309
00:20:24,740 --> 00:20:25,800
Henry the Ape.
310
00:20:27,380 --> 00:20:29,000
What, the Tudor King of England?
311
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,500
I didn't think he was around anymore.
312
00:20:31,940 --> 00:20:32,940
That's what I thought.
313
00:20:33,340 --> 00:20:38,790
But it turns out he's been went to the
Very nice.
314
00:20:39,870 --> 00:20:45,730
Oh, he did laugh.
315
00:20:46,330 --> 00:20:48,530
So what was he doing around here, then?
316
00:20:48,890 --> 00:20:52,190
He was on a sponsored bike ride with
that Anna Cleaves.
317
00:20:54,870 --> 00:20:55,570
Nice
318
00:20:55,570 --> 00:21:04,350
one,
319
00:21:04,470 --> 00:21:05,470
Vern.
320
00:21:05,550 --> 00:21:08,950
the minute they cycle off, they get a
puncture going into the slick wall.
321
00:21:09,330 --> 00:21:10,470
She weren't happy.
322
00:21:10,950 --> 00:21:12,810
She weren't happy what she found.
323
00:21:13,510 --> 00:21:14,510
Oh, dear.
324
00:21:15,030 --> 00:21:18,650
Apparently, she didn't want to go on a
bike ride in the first place.
325
00:21:18,950 --> 00:21:22,850
She wanted to go shopping in Argos and
pick up one of them snapped -together
326
00:21:22,850 --> 00:21:23,850
shelving units.
327
00:21:24,910 --> 00:21:28,410
If you want to watch them, the brackets
can be a bit wobbly.
328
00:21:29,130 --> 00:21:30,130
Any sauce?
329
00:21:30,590 --> 00:21:31,710
No, thanks.
330
00:21:32,850 --> 00:21:33,870
Can I pay you tomorrow?
331
00:21:34,250 --> 00:21:35,250
You are...
332
00:21:50,860 --> 00:21:53,320
Can you believe an hour ago we were
stuck in traffic?
333
00:21:53,580 --> 00:21:54,840
Oh, it's great, isn't it?
334
00:21:55,740 --> 00:21:56,900
Really refreshing.
335
00:21:57,440 --> 00:21:58,680
I feel so alive.
336
00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:00,840
Isn't it peaceful?
337
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:05,200
I'm just going to get a bag of mini
cheddars.
338
00:22:39,310 --> 00:22:41,110
guest has been out in the town enjoying
herself.
339
00:22:41,390 --> 00:22:44,990
Now, we took her to see a top West End
show and then we treated her to tea at
340
00:22:44,990 --> 00:22:48,850
the Ritz. And here she is to tell us all
about it. Will you please welcome Joni
341
00:22:48,850 --> 00:22:49,850
Taylor!
342
00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:13,680
Oh, it's lovely to see you. Why don't
you go and sit down on the couch? Come
343
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:16,080
love. Hey, have a look at it, all right?
Are you all right?
344
00:23:19,360 --> 00:23:23,460
Hattie, sit yourself there. I've had a
couple of guineas round the back.
345
00:23:25,540 --> 00:23:29,860
Are you all right? Oh, I'm a bit choked
up, darling. You'll be OK.
346
00:23:30,380 --> 00:23:31,380
Oh, here we are.
347
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:35,940
So, tell us, where have you been?
348
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:37,420
I've been to the theatre.
349
00:23:37,900 --> 00:23:40,420
Oh, have you? We've been to see Billy...
350
00:23:41,390 --> 00:23:43,570
If you don't mind. Oh, it's fantastic.
351
00:23:44,570 --> 00:23:46,670
Oh, and what a story, though,
sweetheart.
352
00:23:46,890 --> 00:23:53,610
It's about the closure of the mines, a
community ripped apart, but somehow they
353
00:23:53,610 --> 00:23:56,530
managed to soldier on through the magic
of dance.
354
00:24:00,350 --> 00:24:03,890
Now, we did all this for you because
your grandson got in touch with us.
355
00:24:04,250 --> 00:24:07,930
Oh, he's a beautiful boy, he is. I don't
know what I'd do without him. Because
356
00:24:07,930 --> 00:24:09,290
he loves you, you see, darling.
357
00:24:09,710 --> 00:24:12,770
Oh, yeah, well, he watches you all the
time because you haven't got a job, see,
358
00:24:12,890 --> 00:24:13,890
you know.
359
00:24:14,630 --> 00:24:15,630
Where is he?
360
00:24:15,970 --> 00:24:16,970
Where is he?
361
00:24:16,990 --> 00:24:17,990
Have a look.
362
00:24:18,490 --> 00:24:20,930
Have a look. He's sitting there with all
the old girls.
363
00:24:24,010 --> 00:24:26,210
He thought you deserved a little bit of
a treat.
364
00:24:26,790 --> 00:24:30,190
And he also told me that there's
something in your house that you're not
365
00:24:30,190 --> 00:24:31,190
fond of.
366
00:24:31,310 --> 00:24:32,950
And now he died five years ago.
367
00:24:35,050 --> 00:24:37,190
I think he was talking more about your
armchair.
368
00:24:37,610 --> 00:24:40,270
Oh, it's a rotten old thing.
369
00:24:40,850 --> 00:24:44,750
Oh, I'm embarrassed when people come up
my house to see it. I've tried to get
370
00:24:44,750 --> 00:24:45,689
rid of it.
371
00:24:45,690 --> 00:24:49,170
They won't do nothing about it. I rang
up the council. I said, take it away.
372
00:24:49,230 --> 00:24:51,070
They won't do nothing. They don't want
the work, see.
373
00:24:51,290 --> 00:24:54,010
You have a look at that screen over
there. There you go. See it?
374
00:24:54,290 --> 00:24:55,290
Let me see it!
375
00:25:01,580 --> 00:25:04,800
Now, here's your chance now to finally
get your own back on that chair.
376
00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:08,820
What am I going to do, blow it up? Blow
it up. Blow up me chair?
377
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:10,360
Yeah. What, now?
378
00:25:10,660 --> 00:25:13,680
Yeah, just give it a good push, Mrs
Taylor. Can you manage it? Yeah.
379
00:25:16,620 --> 00:25:22,680
And me chair's on fire in a field.
380
00:25:23,740 --> 00:25:25,620
Oh, it's marvellous, that, isn't it?
381
00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:29,520
Now, have a look at this. Yeah. Have a
look at this over there. That's my
382
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:30,720
Yeah.
383
00:25:31,660 --> 00:25:34,760
And you've got a brand new state -of
-the -art armchair.
384
00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:38,460
You
385
00:25:38,460 --> 00:25:45,640
been
386
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:46,640
in my flat?
387
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:51,040
Yeah, I asked her so, you know. You been
inside my fucking flat?
388
00:25:53,180 --> 00:25:57,020
Listen, it's a fabulous chair. It's got
an electrically heated seat.
389
00:25:57,500 --> 00:26:00,060
What are you trying to do, burn me
fucking arse off?
390
00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:09,880
side of it, I bet you went right down
the post office and cashed that, didn't
391
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:12,780
you? You're no good scarce bastard.
392
00:26:15,860 --> 00:26:18,620
What a fucking liberty.
393
00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:25,940
And to cap it all, you've sent me
packing down to watch that pile of old
394
00:26:27,120 --> 00:26:31,180
All the little fairy boys dancing about
in tutus.
395
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:33,200
I bet you've seen it, ain't you?
396
00:26:52,430 --> 00:26:53,430
Pissed from here.
397
00:26:55,490 --> 00:26:56,930
Paul O 'Grady?
398
00:26:57,410 --> 00:26:59,270
What a load of old shit!
399
00:27:08,790 --> 00:27:15,050
What are you doing here?
400
00:27:15,590 --> 00:27:16,970
This is my baby too.
401
00:27:26,190 --> 00:27:27,190
push me back.
29841
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