All language subtitles for common_as_muck_s01e01

You know what God did on the seventh
day? He never rested.

Oh, no.

He created my bloody dustman.

And all the undesirable bits, all the
crap he'd left out of all the other folk

he'd knocked off during the week, he
gave to my sodding bin men.

I could clean up this town.

Have the vision.

They'd have been given even half -decent
tools for the job. I get a depot full

of bloody terrorists.

Why is this?

Not a pleasant job, George.

Every once in a while, they're bound.
No, people produce dirt.

Someone has to clear it up.

They drew the short straw.

That ought to be an end to it.

Unless we see real improvement in the
next month or so, forget it.

Council will go elsewhere to get their
bins emptied.

I've told them, George.

Bloody hell, never mind. Any time today.

Shut up. They've got to put their ideas
up. I want to see clean streets.

Completed round.

And above all, your lads remembering
their bin men.

Not a bunch of bloody urban gorillas.

And the rest.

There's no there much. You spilt it. Now
you sweep it up, otherwise I'm on the

phone to your boss. Listen, missus, if
you want the street clean, you do it.

You've got the broom, and when you're at
it, why don't you rattle yourself

around the estate on a couple of times?

You're a miserable old witch, man.

What do you think you're doing?

Someone will have to clear that up.

What? Chip wrapper.

Some bugger will have to clear that up.

So? So put it in the bin. I'll put it
where I stuff in like.

Bin's full anyway.

You never looked, I saw you. Listen,
mate, why don't you just bog off home,

Better look, the old girl might still be
up, so you can give her one. Just pick

up the crap, eh? There's a good lad. Who
does stuff for you, eh?

Me dad?

Guy's a bloody bin man, look.

He's got all his gear on.

I thought I could smell summat.

You want to smell summat, eh? You want
to smell summat? Come on, Julia!

Come on, Julia!

Come on, Julia!

Good evening, Harold. As usual.

What do you want?

It's gone midnight.

Oh, no, no, no, not again.

Well, Ken, I thought you'd given up on
us.

Bloody hell, Ken.

I mean, it's not even Friday night, is
it? It's Tuesday night. I were provoked.

Well, roll on, sports night.

This football keeps you in, doesn't it?
Here, I'm grateful to you coming out.

You bloody should be.

I could face walking home. Denise will
be worrying where I am.

Christ, haven't you telephoned her? Down
to me last 10p. I thought I would best

ring you and get him back as quick as I
could. Damage limitation.

God almighty, get into the car.

We're up in three hours. Come on.

And as for calling her a witch... The
lady concerned has witnesses.

Where was I, Sir John?

Meadow Sweetview, Abattoir End.

I don't remember something.

Well, you should do. You asked around
when the husband and she bedded last

John, I'm not a liar.

You know that one.

And if I have ever deliberately thrown
crap on the ground, then God can send a

thunderbolt from heaven and strike me
dead.

You bloody idiot!

How many pairs of pants do I have to
bring to work with me? What's up?

Nine people out of ten stop at a red
light.

Yeah, but there's no traffic this time
of morning. The tractor. There were a

bloody great tractor. Very unusual.

And do you want to get that throttle
looked at? It goes like a bomb.

I'm having words with your dad about
you.

I know what I said, man. I'm not bloody
daft.

Has he been causing trouble again? No.

You know what? You're right.

John, send him round to apologise.

You'd only take him five minutes.

See,

the thing is, it's going to give us all
a bad name, isn't it?

I mean, in -lobbing rubbish all over the
place.

It's going to make us look stupid.

People aren't going to believe we care.

Come on, lad.

It's getting worse.

All of you.

I had 34 tickets last week.

Rubbish all down the drive.

Thin lids slung halfway across the lawn,
size tens all over the freezer.

That wasn't me. I'm a seven and a half.

It's like you resent folk leaving
rubbish.

I do. There are actual rules in this
job.

Little things. Little things like not
threatening to tip shit in someone's

garden because they forgot a Christmas
tip. And remembering if a pin liner

on you, shifting crap about with your
boot.

isn't the same as clearing it up. That's
folk filling binstook for, isn't it?

It's all for someone else.

John, what bloody side are you on? Aye,
aye!

Don't do the job properly, the council.

Flog the tenants of some other outfit
that will.

Ah, bother. I don't care. Keep saying
it, Ken.

Like you said, services would never go
up for grabs in the first place.

Keep saying it.

See what happens.

Haven't you got any parental control
over him?

I can thump him if you like. Give over.

I want to take his wordies off of him.

Listen, when I started out, my mother
took everything from me, giving me

back for beer and ciggies.

Well, I can't live to owe her much.

He's going to kill his son on that bike
one of these days.

Bollocks, I'm all right.

Hey, I don't care. I just don't want to
be up back when it happens, that's all.

Look, just do me a favour and slow down
a bit, will you? Yes, Dad.

Right.

Right. Right.

Right.

Think I haven't got enough on me plate.

Mrs. Arnott, this is after me blood.

Miserable old witch.

Die!

Recognise that?

It's a dustbin.

You're in.

There.

Here's some gloves.

The boots will soften up. You'll be with
Fox's crew.

Here you are, lad.

Sonil. He's yours while Eddie's away.

Bloody hell, he's Indian.

So was Gandhi, and he could have had a
job if he'd asked right.

Now move over.

Jump in, Bonnie lad, or I'll set the
table.

Just remember what I told you, right?

You know you can rely on us, Joe.

Ready when you ask, Gipper.

Right in your life.

Chucks away!

I've done it again.

How many times have I told you not to
rush getting dressed and out?

Hail, ma 'am.

Oh, look at you.

The drain's blocked again.

I've been plunging it. I've asked your
brother to stick some bleach down before

he goes off.

He'll not do it. Do you know what he's
like?

Mum, you always say that. Why do you
bother? Why do you bother asking him to

ours? He might prove me wrong, didn't
he?

You wait till you have any.

You spend your whole life hoping they'll
prove you wrong.

Makes you wonder why anyone goes to the
trouble.

What's up with you?

Now, how's Ken?

Same as usual.

I was expecting to see him last night.

Me and all.

Supposed to be bringing that old oover
round he picked up.

He was out training.

All night?

Couldn't he spare five minutes? I don't
know. I'm not his bloody keeper.

We're insured, are you?

What are you bloody doing?

You were asleep when I left. Did you
find me no?

It weren't my fault.

I am sorry.

I had to tell you proper.

Proper? I'll make it up to you. We'll do
something nice.

I've got to go. We're sort of double
parked.

I don't need eyes in the back of my head
to see you.

There's normal quiet and there's
fiddling quiet.

That was one of them.

You'll get it all over.

I bet you're sick of your boy, Sam.

Here we are.

Hey, hey, hey, shut the bloody door.

They always leave it here.

I'll never miss a kiss inside of us.

It won't be funny before at the depot.

Only we've never had an Indian before.

Had a Welsh goat once, but never an
Indian.

Why are you doing it?

Has your dad got a shop or something?
Some work with him?

I'm at university.

Holiday job.

University? Bloody hell.

Couldn't you find somewhere a bit better
than this?

Money's good.

Yeah, well, it is if you can't do what
else. Yeah, stand back.

I've got a Ford Pro and a Porsche bloke
who lives here.

Some of your college mates have got
decent motors, haven't they?

Not really. I'm off to one of them four
-wheel drive jobs.

You know, off the road.

Watch me back.

Sod it.

He must have had people around for the
weekend.

All the bins are full.

Come on.

Look at that.

Always something decent.

Better get a hook to all sorts in there.

Sex parties a lot.

And tell me what he chucks out.

Come on.

It's the pedigree they are.

It must have thought you.

It's a dirt train, this one.

Well, it's not as though we haven't made
the effort.

That's not it.

Bus!

Oi!

Oi, you lot!

They're rubbish!

Oh, very brave lot.

Very brave.

George Ward, Director, DOG.

Guy, how are you?

Oh, it's been... Both been...

No, leave it with me.

I'll be with it myself.

No, we're confident. We think we can
still do the business.

Well, no, it's not an ideal time, but
then again, when is?

We'll be fine on the day.

The Ridgeway, on the corner.

The Ridgeway? Oh, very, very nice. Oh,
dear, it was here. It used to be a right

knocking shop up there, you know. Yeah,
three in the bed, keys on the duvet.

Do you remember, Ken?

Oh, aye, we're old Sunday papers, eh?

They reckon Doc Evans was ringleader.

Used to get together after surgery days,
he said.

Aye. On the Ridgeway, that's where it
was.

That's where it was before you folks
moved in, mate.

This way we make a proper start.

Dulces.

Aye, I suppose it is, young 'un.

There you are, love.

Perhaps too hot.

Thanks. A cup of tea at Dulces before
you get cracking sets you up for a day.

Cheers, Dulce.

Where are you at college?

Birmingham. Haven't they got one at
Bradford?

Well, it should be, shouldn't it? The
money they spend on them.

Bonus?

Well, stop fiddling.

It's Wednesday.

He loves his work.

You have to watch him, though. He's a
bit slim.

Right, good, Bill.

When Billy Wish is ready, we are.

Thanks,

Tulsi. Thank you, love. Your face looks
a bit puffy, Ken.

Too much ale, you know. Jumped up in it,
you did it.

You will go walking where it's rough.

Hold him on!

No, the new one.

It's a simple enough system.

People pail all the crap in the bin, and
you lob it in there.

Right. So, have you got that?

Now, you're starting with Billy
Winsford.

Don't take him back.

Get me out of here.

Me and that bitch out, John O 'Chuck's
on, you and Bernard take back. That way

you can't get lost. Just follow the
empties, yeah?

Who's that? Because you're... Where do
we put them when we take them back?

Bloody hell, Gungor, I don't care. Fling
them anywhere.

Look, we're supposed to put them back
where we found them.

Squared up and lid on and the handles
facing away from the walls. On you go.

That's the freezing.

You don't want to wear them either. Why?

You can if you want. I agree with you.

Supercrew at it again. Oh, morning,
George.

Guy Simmons.

Christ, John, suddenly there's two bin
loads of household refuse slung all over

his lawn.

We've had problems with his dogs in the
past.

He's on the council.

He's worth keeping on the right side of
just at the moment.

I'll get the lads to call back.

I thought you'd had a word with them.
Put the fear of God up and got the

sphincters twitching. They're not easy
to scare.

Well, they should read this.

That report I had commissioned.

Guaranteed sleepless nights.

All right, surely.

I mean, the council looked after their
own last time.

Set up direct operations group. Of
course they did. They had to be seen to

something to protect jobs and services.

Five years on, another company turns up,
says it can do the job better and

cheaper than us. You think council will
worry?

Don't piss yourself.

Light at the end of the tunnel.

By George Ward.

New technique.

Change in attitude.

We can be shifting rubbish into the next
century.

Some of this stuff in here, the lads
will never swallow this. Oh, yes, they

will, because we're going to make them,
you and me.

The thing is, John, I've got to look
them in the eye.

I don't think I can. You don't have any
choice, John.

You stopped having a choice the moment
you put on a suit and decided you'd had

enough of going home with shit under
your fingernails. Now get them round to

Simmons.

Not unless the mother bugger slips into
bed with me about one o 'clock. Mine's

always spiking.

As good as gold at home, but as soon as
he gets a pint down his neck, he goes

wild. Pumped his own shadow.

Still, at least I know he's not playing
away while he's a cracker.

Some lads have been chucking rubbish
about. You know what he's like.

It's the same at school, your friend.
Always had a temper.

It's the bloody job.

It teaches them to bugger about.

Not one of them's grown up.

Now you can do with anything.

They can't stag it, they're sumptuous.

Yeah. Yeah, see you. Hang on.

See you.

Who is it?

Inspector.

Don't worry. Only be your Ken.

Say you're down the cop shop again.

I told you no.

No.

I meant it.

You shouldn't have ruined me. What were
you thinking?

I don't care.

I'm asking you now.

Denise, guess what?

I've just gone all hard.

Don't say those things.

Please.

It's all right, Nev.

Hello, John.

What do you want?

What do you mean? Well, I never see you
out here, do I?

Wages isn't till tomorrow.

We've had no industrial accidents today,
as yet.

So you can't be canvassing for a cover
-up, can you? So what are you doing out

here? I've got a ticket.

Oh, yeah?

So what?

Well, it needs sorting.

Well, talk to Foxy about it in the
morning.

It needs doing today.

Simmons' place.

Oh, no.

No, no. We let them bloody dogs out.

Oh, Foxy.

Look, I'll have a word with him.

Meanwhile, we owe him a collection.

Listen, talk to Foxy about it.

Oh, sod it. You talk to his son about
it. He's the one who left all the muck

the lawn.

Look, just sort it out for me, will you,
Nev?

You're not the only person in the world
we have a lot to do.

Yeah. One of your lads forgot that
cardboard box there, and he took it in.

please. Yeah, all right.

Da, lad.

Deanna!

Have one of these.

Oh, thanks. Oh, come on, you're not
giving it out. Oh, I nearly had you.

Saw your Denise last night.

All right.

Aye, down at the hot pole.

Early.

It was Tuesday's darts, innit, and
football.

Oh, that's right.

It's just that I don't remember seeing
her in the pub on her own before, you

know. I mean, I would remember that,
wouldn't I, you know?

Good -looking lass like that.

And?

Nothing.

No, I mean, you know, I just... Just
saying that I don't remember ever seeing

her.

Alone.

I thought I'd lost you.

I've been going round and round.

You're sweating like a pig.

I thought your mob were used to the hot
weather.

I was born in Huddersfield.

We get hot summers there, don't you?

What's that?

Old bloke further up the road.

Heard you'd missed it.

Have a look.

We don't take grass cuttings. Not
domestic.

No?

No, no.

Shit.

I'll know for next time.

Oi, what are you doing?

Where's I'll throw it in now.

Bollocks. Take it back.

Right back to his house.

It's a matter of principle.

Crappy gloves.

Crack on.

Move up.

Well, you look about fit to drop. You
want to go and have five minutes kippy

wagging with them?

I could do with a drink.

I didn't fret you when it's happy hour.

Yippee -yi -yay.

Yippee -yi -yo -hoo.

You got grub?

Some gloves.

Should have said something. Yeah, I
know. I feel ever so guilty.

Know what that pancake roll?

Has it got beef in it?

I doubt it. So what?

I can't eat it.

Bad guts?

No.

Yeah. Oh, Buddha. At your age.

Here we are, lad.

Investment for the future.

You've got more money than sense, lad.

Permanent temper, I am. Eleven weeks on,
one off.

There's no pension, no sick pay, no
redundancy claims, nothing.

I look after me own security.

What is it? Football pools, county
lottery, and a new job councillor

Where's the bloody time?

Oh, aye. And what are you going to live
on when they finally put you out to

grass?

Right, listen,

you two crack on and get in the licking
tipping joint, OK?

Me and the young 'un will gun down the
tip. Hey, it's all right, this.

They do it every week.

Oh, aye, they like to keep us sweet, so
we don't report them to elf authority.

This place.

What's wrong? Well, me and you know this
one, Ewan. Come and have a look. Come

on, just have a look. Come on.

Tasted all right.

Oi.

That's a good beaver, isn't it?

who have moved a muscle all the way
over.

Saving my energy.

But since I've picked up Percy... Keep
staring at me.

Oh, it's his eyes, man. He's up with
everybody.

I don't get on with animals.

Percy's all right, man. He's
domesticated.

Why'd you bring him?

He likes to get out.

Now, I have a certain amount of work we
have to do during the week, you see.

So it's up to us when we do it. So we
work with Pollock's off on a Wednesday,

have an easy day a Thursday, get him a
drink on a Friday.

Yippee -yi -yay!

It's not like this every day, though.
No, no, no.

Witnesses are killer, man.

You'll be all right, man. You'll get
used to it.

The lads will look after you.

I'm all right.

Wash up.

What do you think you're doing?

Thought I might catch you.

Half day, innit?

I've told you, I don't want to see you.

You do.

I know you do. I don't. Now piss off.

You want it as much as I do.

I must.

I'm not starting anything.

Leave me alone.

I've got to have you, Denise.

I'm not listening.

I'm going mad.

I can't stop thinking about it.

And that's how you've been, I know.

I saw the way you were looking the other
night.

All making you wet just talking to you.
Shut up.

You want to as much as I do.

More. Leave me alone.

Life's too bloody short, Denise.

Anything. What?

Um, well, I'll have the man cut.

Quarter, all right?

Yeah, fine.

Anything else?

Pork's on offer.

So, sausages.

Christ! Well,

what's up? You all right? I didn't
expect to see you. You made me jump.

Oh, why are we pulling all these today?
Save's on Thursday. I saw you when we

were coming out at Grosvenor.

Hey, I've been thinking.

What I said.

There's a do, Saturday night, Queen's
Head, posh. A load of the blokes from

Footy are going.

Wives and all. I thought I'd get us a
couple of tickets.

All right?

Yeah, fine.

I'm not forcing you. I thought you'd
fancy it.

I do.

I said I'm sorry. I'm doing my best.

It's not that.

Well, what then?

You. What?

Brawling and arsing about.

The job, your mates, everything.

You just get on with it, don't you?

Well, then we won't. Well, you just get
stuck in. Never worry about after.

Look, if you don't want to go to Queen's
Head, you know we can go... Don't you

understand, Ken?

I'm jealous.

I'm careful all the time. I'm always
looking over my shoulder, making sure

not treading on anyone's toes.

It's no bloody fun.

That's all.

You'd better get gone or get behind.

Come on, Gunga, nail it there.

Got

another

one.

Where is it?

Find it. Well, where is it now?

Well, anyhow, it must have decided to go
for a little walk then, eh? Yes, sir.

What?

Brains, dear. I reckon he had a car
battery out.

What, did you collect them?

Not that, but they're dangerous.

You know, all the acid and that.

In case it gets a bit hot in the back,
you know.

Maybe you'll like it.

You should have given us your help.

I didn't see you standing there. You
don't show up too well in the shadow.

No!

No what?

That's it.

No more.

No more what?

Call me skinny.

Call me stupid.

Have a joke about my haircut.

Make fun of this gap in my teeth.

Take the piss out of my accent.

But don't make fun of the colour of my
skin.

It were a joke.

It's not funny!

Do you understand?

It's not bloody funny.

This is our place.

Correct.

Don't make such a bloody mess this time.

The dogs are there.

Oh, hey, bollocks for them. Just leave
them, young 'un.

Oi, where are you going?

What about the rubbish?

Your dogs are there. They're chained up.

Yeah, but they weren't this morning. I
don't want any of your lip. I want me

bins emptying. The dogs are tied up.

You can't see that.

Take my word for it.

I don't think I have to do that.

You're not paid to think.

You're a bin man. You're paid to shift
shit.

Now shift my shit.

He's at bloody university.

He's not thick. He's got qualifications
coming out of his bloody ears. Get up!

And if this job's good enough for him, I
don't see why you have to come to me.

You all learn from respect.

And I don't care who you mate's with.
Any more of Ash's, you're blacklisted.

Wanker. Pop.

These steps represent a bright new dawn
for recuse collecting.

Not only... Not only in the county, but
in the whole country.

We'll be leaner, fitter.

Sounds bloody marvellous, provided it
works, George.

We're making a concerted effort.

Oh, I know that.

The truth is that DOG has never really
delivered.

Now, I'd sooner see ex -council
employees at the helm than others. But

you can come up with the goods, and I
mean in practice, no amount of

pamphleteering is going to stop me
looking elsewhere to a new outfit, nice

uniforms, smart wagons, and lads that
don't swear.

Is it me, or is it I, Nate?

Joe.

What's up?

Will you let one go?

Sod off.

You smelt it, don't you?

There's a very funny smell in here.

I'm scorching.

You've got the plague by the soul of it.
We'll open the bloody window if it's

bothering you so much.

If you were that road, you'd bloody
bounce. Yeah.

Foxy, how long ago did you pass your
test?

25 years ago. Less traffic on the road,
then?

Well, I mean, you know, with all the
things you've got to do now, I suppose

haven't got time to look in your bloody
mirror.

Oh, bollocks!

What? We're unfair!

Bloody hell, it's a good 'un!

I told you it could smell something.

Great, just hang on, I'll blow it out.

Slow down.

But it's not moving.

My guts are. Yippee -ki -yay.

Come on, Dad, blow the L. You'll make it
worse.

You what?

Driving like that.

The air, the oxygen, it'll fan the
flames.

You sure?

Positive. But you'll never put it out
like that. You'll have to find another

way. Well, now what are we going to do?

I bet Sherlock Holmes is really shitting
himself.

Well, get it off the road. It's a
sodding asset.

Where? Well, I don't know. Run it down
fire station. Get the truck some water

it or something.

I can't try to do the town like this,
man.

Bloody hell, we're burning to a cinder
here.

Well, where were you when it started?

Where was I? I can't stop.

Bishop, for God's sake, do something.

Me? Oh, nothing to do with me.

Take it on the ram raid. I'm your man.
Otherwise, cancels responsibility.

20 ,000 quid with a wagon, eh?

Look bloody good if they dock it from
our wages, won't they?

Get a shift on.

Gently.

I've served on this council for 35
years, George.

I intend to be here a while longer yet.

One thing I've learned in all that time
is that a leopard can't

change its... The men have been told in
no uncertain terms what's expected of

them. I'm absolutely confident that
we've turned the corner.

Turn the bloody corner!

Don't have it of oxygen, it'll soon go
out.

You know, there's a funny smell.

Well, at least we haven't melted wagon.

Bloody hell.

What is it?

Car battery, I reckon.

Used to be.

If it ain't done good for that, then I
thought we were knackered.

What's up?

Head through.

Bollocks! Run like hell!

What the bloody hell's going on?

All right, Mr. Arnold.

Search it with the mess ring.

Who's responsible for this?

And don't try and cover up. Hey, you
want to ask that what's -his -name

Couldn't bloody believe it. Here Annie's
a mate of yours, isn't he, Mr Ward?

I slung a load of our ashing back at
Wagon there, against every regulation

going. I must have caught me an old
petrol can in back of summer. Well,

obviously we couldn't endanger lives of
the general public, you know. And

Youngen here said that fire needed
starving of air.

Hey, I tell you, Mr Arnold, what he
don't know about oxygen ain't worth

I desperately want to get on to local
papers about this. Hey, super crew, save

the day.

I've got to love one son, mint
condition.

See you, lad.

Don't be late in the morning.

He's that keen, isn't he?

No good bloody morning.

I mean, how are you going to stop in the
town, can you?

Anywhere we haven't done by today.

And how many times have I had to stop
for you lot in the past?

Anyway, I don't know what all the fuss
is about.

Suni, your bath water will get cold. In
a minute, mom.

Shagged. Shagged tired?

Or shagged as in recently had said.

Oi! Oi! Over here!

It's you, Neil!

I hope I didn't know you came in here.

This is Ken.

I was telling you about him. We work
together.

Hey, what are you doing?

A quiet drink.

Bollocks. Come and have a couple with
me. I won't mind a chat. I don't want to

be too late.

I'll look after him.

You've had him all night, haven't you?

Come on.

George,

I saw your light on from my office.

Guy, I can assure you there'll be no
more trouble with you. Please.

I didn't come round to complain.

I, uh, with an admin when your exploding
rubbish tip went off.

You're not having much luck at the
moment, are you?

Freak accident.

Still, I thought I'd nip round and offer
you a bit of moral.

Can't be easy. Keep taking it on the
chin.

Time after time.

Oh, I feel sick.

I should go home.

Stick your fingers down your throat,
make a bit of room.

Oh, stuff it.

But, I mean, what can I do?

You know, I do odd jobs about the house.
I'm not mean.

We shag quite a lot.

What?

I hate this place.

Two till ten shift at an end.

Give five minutes.

What, four?

A good kicking.

You want some more?

You want some more?

You want a bit more, don't you?

Eh? You want a bit more?

Stay out of it.

He has to be messing around.

I want to have a few laughs and be
happy.

I want everyone to be like that.

Oh, God.

Jesus.

I caught one in the bollocks. That's not
beer.

Hey, don't.

Never in the lab.

Don't say anything.

Can I have a cup of tea?

What? A cup of tea.

I don't want to... You know, just yet.

Mum and Dad are in bed.

I can't play music.

Shit,

man. Sorry.

What are you doing?

I'm all bloody dragged up.