Original subtitles

Patrick!

Patrick!

Hang on, Patrick.

Chris, you're late. How did it go with the account?

OK, we do need the Bowie job. Listen, we're going to get the Bowie job, don't

worry. Corby Taylor's been on the colonel. No way, Chris, absolutely no

It's out of the question.

We're guaranteed the job. It's a £75 ,000 budget, and you'll be 40 years

in the international band.

Hi, Derek. Oh, hello. How are you?

Listen, we're going to get this job.

It's a £300 ,000 budget, and Bowie is my ticket to a first feature.

A thousand dead Vietnamese children, Bowery in a Chevrolet, doing some kind

shit, and then that's symbolic.

How you doing, mate? Great, let's go.

It's what Bowery wants, you know. It's what Bowery needs for Clyde Clay. I wish

these guys would hurry up, Chris.

Corky Taylor's just right.

Oh, God, no.

Corky, nice, nice, nice. How you doing, guy? Hi, Chris. Corky, not good, Pat.

I've been trying to get you all morning.

No way, Corky, I'm definitely busy.

Oh, come on, Pat, we really need you for this.

No way, guy.

Look, between me and you, the new single's not quite what it should be.

The band Badden need a change of image. It's going to take a really brilliant

video to sell it. I'd love to help you out, Corky, I really would, but I can't.

Excuse me, sir.

Thank you. I mean, I loved you before, yeah? One of my favourite bands. Barry!

grew up with him.

Where are you?

Can you think of anybody else that might be able to do it?

A complete image change, yeah? Yeah, the record company, one of them as far away

from the street as possible.

Got it. See these two guys over here behind me? Yeah. They've got a little

production company called Style House, something like that. They're very

enthusiastic, young, new ideas, quirky. Go and give those guys a break, yeah?

Cheers, Pat.

I owe you one.

You see?

Well, I find that very surprising.

I was under the impression David liked the ideas.

No, I'm not upset.

I just said convenience, that's all.

OK, Barry, yes, see you.

Oh, love to the kids.

What's that all about? What's happening?

David's changed the title of the song.

Oh, God almighty, no. What's it called now, Chris?

Money Hurts.

That is brilliant.

Check it out.

That is going to fit the burning dollar shop.

He's shooting it in black and white.

On Super 8.

For £75 ,000.

£75 ,000.

There's absolutely no way that I'm going to shoot David Bowie in Vietnam on 75

Grand Man. There is absolutely no way. It's out of the question.

You're not doing it, Patrick.

What?

You're not doing it.

Why? I don't know.

All I do know is we need another job.

Cheers, Pat. Thanks for the tip.

Corky.

They're going to do it?

Uh, no, no, they're too busy. They're doing the Bowie video.

Colgate!

Colgate!

Colgate!

Colgate!

Jesus Christ.

Oh.

Oh.

You all right? Fine.

Hit me, Corky. Hit me.

Why? Because you're looking at an idiot.

I've been too long listening to Chris, you know.

Big name, big bands, big money.

Forget fame, Corky. That's not what this game's about.

This game's about integrity.

It's about your integrity, my integrity. It's about a band's integrity, yeah?

You're going to do it? Corky, you try and stop me, man.

And it was something you said that made me change my mind.

Wicked! See!

You bloody thug.

We could be in Georgia by now.

Yeah, well, we need the money, Lucy, you know.

It's on the church bell now.

Patrick Church, Church Bell Productions.

Oh, for God's sake, hurry up. Church, Patrick Church, plus one.

Well, you won't get in then, will you?

Excuse me.

That's six pounds each.

Twelve bloody quid. That's a lot of money, you know. You're lucky I had it,

aren't you?

You see,

that's when you need a soup, right, Cameron, for that kind of thing.

The gig's going great.

Nice. Nice.

Uh,

no. I don't want to fly anyway.

Did you get in all right?

Yeah. No.

We weren't on the guest list.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's okay. It's okay. It's all right.

Uh, see you, Winston.

Come on. Come on.

Listen,

has the band done their number yet? No, about 20 minutes yet.

Okay, cool. I'm going to go to the toilet, yeah?

It's a cool boy, and what's a nice boy, what's a bossy human.

Yeah, he's got to look, and I feel kind of sorry about that.

Mike,

where's my coat? God, no!

Here, Mike!

You got an umbrella?

Do you have to drink? I'm nervous.

Here.

For my mouth.

We're going to have to account for the voltage.

Contact.

Dr. Matthias finds out we're dabbling in this.

We are not dabbling, Michael.

We are exploring the possibility of cerebral teleportation.

Probably won't work, anyway.

Well, in a way, I hope it doesn't.

It's only a test.

My, um... My flatmate, Clive, has gone on a Yugoslavian exchange.

Preset to level four.

And, uh, the Yugoslavian he's exchanged with, uh, doesn't like our flat, and

he's left.

Take pod one to standby.

So it gets pretty lonely. Take pod two to standby.

I was wondering whether you'd fancy, you know, um... Hard to stand by, Michael.

Lights.

It's quite romantic, isn't it?

Concentrate.

Doors.

Michael.

Vanessa.

Stand by, Master.

And activate.

The system seems to work.

Success! Success!

Let's go back to my flat and celebrate.

Computer check.

We could pick up some wine on the way.

if you're very good i'll cook you breakfast

no

Better get a cat train.

We're doing a Jules Polaron collection to the musical, Janet.

Of course. What we should have been doing was a Jules Polaron collection to

musical. UB40.

Right. Who the hell's Jules Polaron?

Jules Polaron.

Miss Corky.

This man is a

genius.

Nice. Here you go. Tell them what you told me.

That's an amazing number.

See Docklands, yeah?

Desolation and a whole lot of danger.

Danger. Dean, sounds well out of your boss.

Yeah, wicked.

We're going to make this for cheap.

No.

We're going to make it for £75 ,000.

For the geniuses. We're going to make it look cheap, yeah?

You said we're going to spend 60 ,000.

Yeah, well, Patrick needs the extra 15 grand to get that really horrible grainy

effect. How sane.

How brilliant.

Now, Willie, cut this, Patrick, go.

Patrick Church, hi.

Hi. Hey, listen, good luck tomorrow night with your wars, yeah?

What? Oh, that, no.

Yeah, and good luck next week with the Bowie shoot, yeah?

I turned it down.

Why?

What?

Why not you turn the Bowie shoot down, eh?

Who needs a Leonard, you know?

Oh, yeah.

Good for you, eh?

Hey, listen, have you got my new number?

Ah, no, hang on.

Well, it's 497 -0096. You should give me a ring, yeah?

Nice. I'll check you later, Leonard.

Yeah, great.

It's a lovely suit you've got on.

You what? You what?

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Oi, go stand.

Give it up for me, son.

Good job.

Sini, you change your audience better.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

What's he doing in there?

Oh, he ain't plumbed in yet.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, yeah.

Here's a bit of paper.

This ain't no one's. Put it back.

What's been left here, innit?

It's mine, and I haven't finished reading it yet.

What's he reading that shit for?

Good sports page.

It's only one picture.

Yeah, well, there ain't any on the letters page of Playboy, is there?

Are you all right?

It's nothing.

Looks great, boys. Just stay with it. Looks just right.

Who's that twat? Record company.

See you later.

Sounds like a idiot, man.

See you later. Right, is everybody ready?

Stand by.

Come on, love.

And to the old lady.

What a wrinkled old bag, man, looky.

And cut.

Oh, what a prat. Lovely, thank you.

Have you got

any custard for the crumble?

Oh,

lovely, yes.

With cream, they say.

Yes, Patrick, over here, man.

OK, guys, we serve the director first, OK?

Hey, Patrick, I'd go easy on the crumbly bar, would you? You're putting a bit of

flab on there, sir.

I've seen yesterday's footage, Patrick. It looked superb.

You like it, yeah? Nice. I always thought that the Charlie Parker back

projection, you know, with the band.

You were right.

Oh, he always is.

Aren't you, darling?

My God, Patrick, what have you done?

It's nothing, you know. It's like I fell over on the gravel at the back there.

You should get some spices on that, I think.

Yeah, let's just put them, please.

Yeah, can we get some... I'll have a rack of lamb with the haricot beans,

please. What would you like for sweet?

Oh, the blackcurrant sorbet.

Looks fantastic.

And what would you like? It's OK, I'll have cheese and biscuits, thanks.

Derek, I've just asked for a plate of whelks.

We haven't got any whelks, but we do have sea bass, pot of four with cherries

and garlic, if you like seafood.

Yeah, nice. I'll have their photo photo. That would be lovely. Thank you.

Thanks,

Doc.

All right for you, Nigel. Well, fine.

And for you, Corky? Yeah, I'm happy.

How about you, Dave?

Yeah, yeah, I was really happy.

It's very smooth past the tramps.

Nice on the scaffolding.

I've got nice framing on the band and ended up on the bass player.

Sorry, everybody. We're going to have to go again, I'm afraid.

A bit more energy in the middle, please. Thank you. Sorry, Dave. Do you have to

keep these stupid guys in?

It's that.

Stay with it, boys. It's looking brilliant. Just stay with it.

Listen, Dave, same as before. Yeah, but don't finish on the city.

What?

Same shot as before, but don't finish on the bait player.

Finish mostly on the white guy, on the finger, on the lead finger.

Exactly the same shot. Thank you very much, everybody.

Last shot of the day, yeah? Weekend ahead, please. Come along.

Yes.

Yes. Yes!

Pretty good, I'd say.

You've captured everything we asked for.

It's off the street.

And the black -and -white Super 8 endorsed with the Charlie Parker back

projection is just colossal.

It's got a sort of jazz reptile feel.

I just know the kids are going to go for it.

I think it's great, Patrick.

Listen, I've got to lunch.

Me too.

Yeah, well, I've got to stay behind and do a little bit of tweaking on the

shots, you know, tightening the whole thing up, you know what I'm saying?

You're the genius.

Yeah, nice, nice.

I'll take you later, yeah?

What's that?

It's a pile of shit, that's what it is.

Yeah, hello, can you get me the BBC Picture Library, please? Thank you very

much.

Yeah, I want some footage of Charlie George, long -haired geezer, scoring the

winning goal for Arsenal against Liverpool 1971, please.

And any stuff you've got of Henry Cooper knocking out the black geezer.

Yeah, Cassius. No, not Muhammad Ali.

Cassius Clay, that's his bleeding name, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thank you.

I thought you were into celibacy.

Oh, no lemon, I'm afraid.

Oh, no, probably.

Well, a girl can only take so little.

A drink, Patrick.

Bitter.

White.

Why he insists on drinking this rubbish, I don't know.

Yeah, it's all he's drunk for the past few days.

I'm sure there's something wrong with him.

You said he knew. See, lots of people drink bitter.

Maybe.

But this morning, he did something very odd.

Go on. Well, this morning, he got up really early, which is unlike him. And I

asked him what he was doing, and he said the strangest thing.

What?

He said he was going out to work on the motor.

Pawn son, duck and dive, jab and weave. Be lucky, be first. We'll stick him,

son.

£5 to win £40 on a two -dog. Who wants it?

£5 to win £40 on a two -dog. Who wants it? Who wants it? Come on, who wants it

now? Who wants it? £5 to win £40 on a two -dog. Who wants it? Who? Who?

Who? Who?

Who? Who am I?

I'm Patrick Church.

I'm Patrick.

Patrick Church.

Oh, my God.

Are you sure you slagged? You weren't, you nonsense. You are a ponce. Oh, my

God, what's happening to me? What's happening to him?

yourself together, Patrick. It'll be all right.

It'll be all right. All right, now.

All right.

All right.

Hurry up, Patrick.

Yeah, come in, love. Be down in just a minute. I have never known him like it

before. Really?

Coming up in the lift, he stops in between floors and goes...

I'm serious, you know.

You know that Pierre Cardin skirt and top?

The black one.

Blue.

Shredded. His hands all over my arse, grabbing.

For Christ's sake, I've got a swimwear session next week.

My Janet Rager knicks ripped to pieces.

What? And I'm rammed back up against the wall.

And then he said the strangest thing.

Go on.

He said, you love it, don't you?

You dirty cow.

Somehow it didn't sound like Patrick.

No, it doesn't.

What are you doing?

Getting some cigarettes, yeah.

Patrick, darling, can you get me 20 small tarts?

No, make it 40 and I'll pay you later. Thanks, sweetheart.

What did I say? Hurry up, Patrick.

Look, that Timmy Conrad. That pig, Bill. God, what a prat.

We're going to be late.

Come on, boys, boys.

You're loving this place.

Sorry. Have you booked?

That'll be a pram, Roland. Enjoy your meal, then.

Nigel. Patrick.

You're all careful, Patrick, I'm sorry. I'm going to give you a great, slobbery

wet kiss.

Do they like it? Do they like it? We've got this week's stuff at the bar. Yay!

You're a wacky fool. Funky, happy genius, and I love you. Can you bite

beef, Patrick?

Yeah. Yeah, I'll do that.

Champagne! The band's here!

Yay! Okay, we're on!

We're so big together.

Park a kilt over there, all right?

Meet Jerome.

Jerome? Patrick.

Hi, Jerome.

Nice to meet you, Patrick Church.

You're a very, very lucky man, Jerome.

I think so.

Get her moist, do you?

What the matter with you?

Come on, everybody, let's have some champagne.

Right, right, champagne.

It's all going to be bloody outrageous.

Right. Steve.

I beg your pardon?

Who?

Abby.

Patrick!

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

I'm sorry. The blood's coming back to your ears.

For Christ's sake, what's the matter with you? Nothing.

Do you know him or something?

Yeah, well, I know he's kind, don't I?

Sorry, Helen.

It's all right. I'm sure it was just an accident.

I don't want to mess with you.

Do you want me to go and see if he's all right?

Yes. Yes, I do.

It's me, Simone.

Patrick?

Patrick?

What's the

problem?

All right, Luce?

All right, girl?

Get rid of her, Patrick.

I'll give you a bell tomorrow, Deb. It's all right. Yeah.

You're coming pictures?

No, I'll phone the boys later.

Yeah.

I'll see you.

Yeah. Take care.

Soft and sobby or nothing like that, right?

But how about me and you? None of the boys, nothing like that. Nip out for

Tandori.

Patrick, I'm nipping out of your life forever.

Come on. Get off. Come on, you love it.

I've just given you six and a half of the best ones of my life.

Why? Because I fell hopelessly in love with you. I gave you everything.

Not on the first night, you never.

Oh, my God.

You've let us all down. Me, Chris.

So what? He's your partner.

He's a packy. Oh, my God. You're a joke.

The entire Soho community is laughing at you.

You once were a penniless young man with brave ideas.

It took weeks for your father to give you the money for your first project.

You worked hard. You got better.

You...

That's you.

Go on, try it on, love. You've got the legs for gear, I hate you.

They were... They were mine.

Indented forehead, slightly Neanderthal brain casing, squarish jaw. All

hereditary signs of the introduction of Norman blood into the Anglo -Saxon

strain. 1066 were in the Conqueror. They saddled in London. They were the first

modern Londoners, really.

After that, it was relatively simple. By scraping the feces that were left in

the pod and taking samples from the London sewage plant, we were able to

the exact district that he came from. Barnet.

So we knew we were looking for a yacht from Barnet. Brilliant.

Not really.

And how did you find Patrick?

Oh, we saw his picture in Vogue magazine.

Oh, France, God, you've come. You're from the social services.

Stephen Kendall.

It's got worse.

Bill, is that the psychiatrist from the SS?

It's stepped out. They were so worried about him. Can we see Stephen, please?

Best go down, eh?

We'll wait here.

If there's any indication that the change is out of control... Then it's

to my research grant.

Then we'll come in.

Good luck.

expecting him.

Expecting me?

I didn't think it would be him.

You know what happened?

I know.

Something happened.

Well, I've assumed the identity of somebody else.

Somebody with a very beautiful girlfriend.

Thank you.

I just can't believe that that thing back there, that...

That's really you?

No.

That's really Patrick.

Oh.

Patrick.

The offering here, Lucy.

Think about it.

Spent the count meals with fading rock stars over prized cocaine.

Don't you realise what's happened over the last week? I've done things the kids

on this estate don't even dream about.

I started hiring videos with subtitles.

Truffaut, Goddard, Breton.

Then I had this uncontrollable urge to join the Communist Party and sleep with

well -spoken black girls.

But it was the meal.

All delivered to the door?

I think it's all right.

There's a slight increase in pretension, but it's basically Patrick's brain

pattern. Oh, thank God for that.

And that's another thing.

I've come to question my relationship with my parents.

I don't like them.

And it's these that call themselves my parents.

What do you mean?

Well, don't you see, Lucy?

They are of this earth. I am not.

In one week, he created the earth. In one week, he created me.

He is my father.

Oh, my God, it's out of control.

We have to go in. The second coming, Lucy, and he shall pass among you.

Steve, we've come to help you.

It's the beginning of a new age, Lucy.

Compassion through fashion.

Move away slowly, Lucy.

He's as mad as a hat.

He that is not with me is against me. This is happening to him.

What the hell is happening to Patrick?

We've got to find him soon.

Let us do a little bit of evil. The good may come.

Oh, God.

No.

This night before the cock grows, grows, you shall deny me.

Three times.

Where would Steve normally go tonight, Mr. Kendall?

Imperial Crown, regular as clockwork, every Thursday.

Steve coming down, is he? I don't think so, no.

Steve? Well, no, he's a bit... He's a bit under the weather. Oh, he's going to

miss a terrific night.

Is Steve not coming?

Do you want a drink, Jackie? Usually.

What about you, love?

Yes, fine.

Who's she?

You're a lovely -looking girl, Lucy.

Thank you. Isn't she lovely, girl?

Right. Lucy.

Oh, yeah.

That is blinding!

It's a tripping outfit, Steve!

Here, tone! Tone! Kendal's cup is a pun!

You sod!

Let's frill his head, you frat! Enough, Mr Steve.

I've just come to realize what I was like.

He's got the voice, you know!

What do you think he's saying?

Spritzer. Spritzer!

What do you think?

He's going to walk it!

Go on now, settle down!

of scotch, a crate of his choice, and a ten -pound voucher for minutes.

First prize.

Put your hands together.

He's here tonight as a right stuck -up ponce, and he does some...

see before you here on stage is, I suppose, the essential difference

NF and the NFT.

NFT? What's that?

That's called filmfare, isn't it? Oh, yeah.

How do you know that? Down the box, Sophie, didn't I?

I think it'll be easier if I draw you an analogy.

Disabilities are endless.

No, no, Vanessa, we can't. Michael, we've got to find Patrick.

Josh, Josh, go on.

Stop that.

Oh, my

God,

it's out of control.

It's a friggin' red boy.

I want to...

even in part two.

And God said, let there be light.

Wow, there are lights.

They're all nice. Come on,

come

on,

let's get moving.

Stay close to me and watch the monitor.

Don't want nothing to go wrong, right?

He might be a cunt, but he's still my boy. Be quiet, Lil.

These people are even cleverer than you.

They're trying to think what they're trying, so let them think.

Look, Vanessa, I think we might have a problem.

Everything all right? Oh, yes.

No. Oh, I'll stick that back. Come back.

You go on right here.

Um, Patrick's original brain pattern has remained perfectly intact.

I'm good for that.

However... I've lost my Stephen's brain pattern, Amy. No, no, we still have

Stevie's original brain pattern.

Unfortunately, it's rather minimal, however, and it might be rather

transmute.

What's that all mean, Amy? It means that your Steve is a bit backward in that

department from his very first fitting. However, if we're all agreed, there is a

possibility that we confuse the two and make the perfect man.

My Steve.

Perfect.

Our Steve.

And you play better football, huh?

Yes. Go on. Go on. Go on. You do it.

Activate pod three to level four.

Contact. Take pod one, stand by.

Take pod two to stand by.

See, it's not nice houses.

It's not nice cars.

It's not nice food.

Lights.

Stylish houses.

Stylish cars.

He's waking up.

Doors. Let's start.

Doors.

Doors are down.

I'm trying.

Akira Kurosawa.

It's all right. It's for the best.

Whoever you are, whatever you are, step forward.

Patrick?

Intellect. Power.

Control.

He's magnificent.

I think this is what we can call a major success.

Lovely to see you.

I want you in the toilet now.

Louis!

Lovely to see you, darling.

Like a prince.

I'll just go away forever.

Absolutely marvellous job done. Amazing popcorn.

Oh, terrific.

What do you do?

Well, all you do... Yes, I'll have another one. All you do is you listen to

record, and whenever you hear the drummer banging the snare drum, you just

piece of film together and join it to another piece in exactly the same time.

And you get paid an absolute bloody mortgage.

That's a 70 % capital gain.

And Teresa, only having an affair with a man, aren't they?

I know, seriously.

I do think about it, David.

You call yourself a socialist and you're blue in the face, but at the end of the

day, if you haven't got the money for the mortgage, the tax, well, you might

well move to Ethiopia.

Why?

I needed him alive.

I need something.

Anything.

Get me... ...out... ...of this... ...style.

I need...

...understanding.

I need...

operating on.

I need operation on that.

I need as much help as I can possibly get.