Original subtitles

I'm in the North Rue Bulwer going for a nosebag. Got me in five, over.

Marriage isn't always like that, Julia.

Like in some countries, polygamy can work very well.

What's polygamy, miss?

Well, I'll show you.

Here's a mummy.

And here's...

Good daddies.

Ah, good. Anna and Kate, you're back.

How do you like, miss?

That's okay.

Don't get hung up about punctuality because I'm always late for everything.

Here's a note for you, miss. Thank you, Anna.

Well, I think that's about it for today.

Class dismissed.

Yes, Lucy?

It's not ten -two yet, Miss.

I must say, I'm finding it very hard to relate to you these days, Lucy.

Why do you have to be so penickety all the time?

How do you spell penickety, Miss?

F -U -C -K -O -F -F.

OK.

So I says to this pop singer bloke, I says, anybody who dyes his hair that

colour is either mentally deranged or queer.

Well, they go up to London, they take drugs and they become homosexuals, don't

they? I couldn't argue with that.

Well, it's a permitted society, Gerald.

Of course it is. Of course it is. I says to him, you may know everything about

selling them chart records and so forth, but you know bugger all about high

density bulk yields.

You had to agree with me there.

This is adultery.

You know that, don't you, Dave?

Brackle on four for a coffee. Come back.

Martin's going to kill you when he finds out.

He's really insane.

Cracker 1 -4 for a copy. Come back.

Oh, God.

You know, Martin loves me so much.

He really does.

It's just that I can't resist your oily body.

Crack your handle. Come back.

Are you listening to me? She's dead firm. What's yours? Come back.

This is track rider. Pick a window. Come back. Dave, we're guilty.

What, is this it?

It's the biggest one on the market, Gary.

Good. Let's go and snort some more coke.

We never seem to make love anymore, Susie.

Well, what do you expect?

I'm teaching all day. I haven't got the energy.

I've got to give up this job.

It's obviously getting in the way.

I don't want to hold you back.

Oh, that's right, Martin. Make me feel guilty.

I'm not.

I feel like a trapped housewife, if you must know, Martin.

Anyway, tell me about your day.

I was working in the garden this afternoon.

And I saw that four of the onions had come up.

It's strange.

I thought there'd be about 10 or 12 coming up.

That's really interesting, Martin.

So I went indoors and looked it up in the book.

And apparently,

they don't always sprout at the same time.

Really? Yes.

So I thought the best thing was... You know, not to worry about it too much.

Yeah, good idea.

You coming down the pub?

And what about Theodora?

Well, what about her?

You don't think she'll wake up?

Look, she's fine, Martin. Why don't you worry about me for a change?

OK.

Well, I'll just tuck her in and say goodnight then, shall I?

All right.

Quickly, then.

Let's enjoy ourselves.

Just enjoy ourselves.

You, you, and you.

Hey, we're all so happy and gay. Much more than we could

ever, ever, ever say.

Do you want another drink?

I'll be back in a minute.

Alright Dave?

Yeah.

Hey, Ray, this book's just like me.

Yeah? Yeah.

I live in a big house, don't I? I've got servants and shit. It's weird, don't

you think?

Yeah, but I think it's great you're so rich, Gary, because, you know, it really

suits you.

Well, I'm glad I sold out when I did, because now I can buy anything I want,

can't I?

Yeah, and it's my job just to get it for you, isn't it, Gary?

Yeah, and if I want any chicks or drugs, you'll just get them for me, won't you?

If I feel like it.

Yeah. Well, that's good.

Would you like some more coffee, Gary?

What do you think?

Well, we could have another cup, couldn't we?

What, now?

Well, yeah.

I don't know.

I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll pour the coffee into your cup, but I won't

the milk until you're really sure, OK?

Let me think about it.

Hello, Mr Dreadful?

He's the farm manager.

Oh, hello, Mr Farm Manager. How are you? Oh, very well, thank you.

Nice day for lounging about inside, isn't it?

What's happening, FM?

Well, there's a chap here with a brand new £40 ,000 combine harvester that

apparently somebody ordered.

Oh, yeah, that's mine.

Where is it?

Hey, I love it. It's beautiful.

This is the kind of thing I want to spend my money on, Ray.

Why don't we get a blue one for you? Then we can have races. What do you

Yeah!

Did it come in any other colour?

No, no, just this normal, proper red sort of colour. Well, couldn't we have

you know, re -sprayed?

I dare say you could, but whatever the colour, it's certainly an asset for the

harvest.

Now, I beg your pardon? I don't want this thing used on the farm.

Well, I'm sorry, Mr Dreadful, I don't quite follow you.

Listen, you know those films about the old days, where you see, like, fields

full of men?

Women and children toiling in the hot sun.

Well, that's the kind of feel I want on my farm.

Yes, well, you had this big drug fishing, didn't you, Gary, of this, you

community of, like, cheap labour doing everything by hand.

Anyway, that's the way I want to do it.

Take it easy, FM. Gary's got jet lag.

What is flour, miss? It's a yellow flour. Oh, what kind? Kind of yellow

frowning. Look, you've got a flower book, haven't you?

Look it up.

Hey,

Trippett, yeah, turn it up, right?

Isn't this great?

Such a good feeling, isn't it? Doing things by hand.

Terrific.

Yeah, come on, let's take a ride round the estate now.

Where are we going now, Miss? Look, I just can't think straight with you kids

bugging me all the time.

I need to be on my own for a bit, OK?

I don't know, improvise. Play doctors and nurses or whatever it is you kids do

these days.

Hello. Hello.

You know me?

No, should I?

I'm going dreadful.

I've just bought the manor house. All these fields, those cows, this road,

everything.

Good for you.

I love you.

Take care, you're beautiful.

Oh, it's perfect.

Get another one, Ray.

What's that smell?

Well, don't start that again. I had a bath yesterday.

Jesus Christ, you left the gas on again, haven't you?

What are you trying to do, kill yourself?

Sorry, dear, I put the kettle on and then I had to go and do something.

When's dinner?

Won't be a minute, dear. I've got you something special today.

We'll go on Italian, all right?

How's it going with the school teacher, then?

She's very neurotic.

You don't suppose she puts in down the village, does she? She's a bit blatant

for round here.

What's Gary Dreadful like, then? Is he new wave or what?

New wave?

He's at least 30.

What's wrong with that? Hugh Cornwall's 35, and what about Adam Ant?

He's not 30. He is.

He's not. He is.

He's not, Mum.

Oh.

Give me the glass.

No. David, give me that glass!

It's for your own good.

I'll get another one. No, you won't.

You're

going out

again? Yeah.

I don't mind, do you?

No. Just we never seem to see you these days.

You're seeing me now, aren't you?

We're not joined at the hip, surely?

Will you be late home?

Questions, questions.

I don't know.

Theodora missed you today.

Look, Martin.

I object to you using that very demanding child to get at me.

I'm not.

Liar.

You just know how to make me feel guilty.

that child as you did.

Shut up, you little cow!

Oh, God, I can't stand this anymore!

This is real!

I'm sorry, Susie. Get away from me!

Don't touch me with those indecisive fingers!

Oh, don't cry, Martin!

I can't stand it!

I love you, Susie.

Yes, yes, you've told me that.

I just wanted you to be happy.

You want some money?

Shut up!

Do you want to wear this or the black? What do you think?

You look beautiful in the red.

I think I'll wear the black.

Don't meet up for me.

You must be Ray.

Yes, I am. Who are you?

Oh, I'm Susie. I expect Gary's told you we're having a pretty wild affair.

I mean, it's unbelievably intense and I can hardly bear it.

Trouble is, I've got a few problems and I need time to think.

Yes, well, apparently you've been lying down quite a bit around the village.

Yes, I suppose I am a bit, Randy.

Still, you know what schoolteachers are like.

Yes. Would you like a glass of champagne?

Oh, cheers.

So how do you like being homosexual?

Is it fun?

No, not really.

In fact, I never really wanted to be gay, but I was, you know, forced into it

the recession.

Oh, what a pity.

Still, Gary's not queer, though, is he?

Right. Yes, Gary. This is boring. There's not a fish in here.

We've been ripped off.

Don't worry, Gary. We'll get some dynamite. Good.

Oh, hello, babe.

How are you doing?

Hello, Gary.

I've been missing you all day.

Yeah, I've been missing all day too. Ray, where's Mammal Nitrate? We're going

for a walk.

Good all this, isn't it? It's like a record cover.

Yes.

I'm glad I got out of the misopolis.

You know, it's hard living on the front line, seeing all your fans on the dole.

It really does you ready.

Yes, unemployment is a bit of a drag, isn't it?

One day I said to myself, Gary, I said what? I said, Gary, I said, what do you

want? Do you know what I'm saying?

This is like a strange dream, Gary.

I feel like Julie Christie in that Thomas Hardy film.

What? Well, you see, I don't know whether to leave Martin and live with

Or go with you and divorce Martin?

Or live with Martin and leave you, but still see Dave?

What do you think?

I don't know. I didn't see the film.

Let's make love, Gary.

Nah. I can't do all that anymore.

What's wrong? Don't you love me?

No, not that.

It's just I'm tired of this endless knobbing, that's all.

Oh, my poor darling.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, the last few years have been, oh, so saucy, it's unbelievable.

In what way have they been so unbelievably saucy? Oh, everything, the

ducks. They weren't living creatures, they were just sex objects.

group here, you know.

Bought the manor over at North Barsham.

Come on, yeah.

Move it.

Called themselves the BGs. Ever heard of them?

Yeah, well, they were one of the supergroups, weren't they?

That's right, supergroup.

Anyway, they come up to me one day, they said, Mr. Pierce, do you think we play

too loud?

I said, I said, frankly, lads, I think you do.

So they turned it down, and of course they sold a million.

And apparently they were right pleased with what I had to say about it.

I'm like Julie Christie, aren't I?

You're nothing like Julie Christie.

Well, some people think I'm like Julie Christie. Well, you're not.

You know what the trouble with this relationship is, don't you? What?

It's just sex.

So?

What's the problem?

Well, doesn't it bother you?

No.

What do you think of Gary?

Why? I just wondered how you two would get on, that's all.

We wouldn't.

Why are you so pissed off?

I'm not pissed off.

I thought you'd like Gary.

He's a very now person.

How's things going down on the farm?

Well, everything's just fine, thanks, Mr Dreadful.

Okay, let's go and cut down some trees then.

Ah, well, I've got a couple of cows for the artificial insemination today.

Okay, I'll come and watch that then.

What's happening?

What do you mean?

I thought we were going to spend the day together.

Look, Martin, I've got things to do.

But it's Saturday.

Yes, but I've got to go up to the manor.

What for?

Well, it's, um, it's with Popstar.

Um, he said he might give some music lessons, and, um, I was just going to go

out and talk to him about it, that's all.

So I'll just carry this shopping home, then, shall I?

Thanks, love.

Don't wait up for me.

Listen, we've got to talk.

I've had second thoughts about all this Tom, Dick and Harry business.

What do you mean?

You know, all those other blokes.

What about them?

Look, this is the real thing, Susie. I'm in love.

So unless you drop those guys by, you know, tomorrow, I think you can just

forget the whole thing.

What do you say? Yes or no?

I've thought about it, Gary.

And? And I've decided to finish with Dave and Martin.

From now on, I only want to be with you.

Wherever you go, whatever you do, I'll be there.

I love you.

I love you more than madness, more than waves upon the sea.

Susie. Yes? Don't sing.

I'm going to live with Gary and have his children.

Well, it's been fun, hasn't it?

You're really brave.

Aren't you just a bit upset?

Well, it hasn't quite sunk in yet.

Well, we can still be friends, can't we?

Sure.

You sure you're not going to go out and get drunk and beat somebody up because

of me?

No chance.

You're taking this very well.

What's going on?

Martin? Martin, Dave's dead.

I can't take it anymore, Susie.

Aunt Gary's left me.

Susie, I want to kill myself.

So do I.

I'm so unhappy.

I guess so, by mistake.

Goodbye, Martin.

Do it now.

Can't you do any...

Susie. No, I'm glad you were a lousy shot.

I guess I don't practice enough.

God, I've been such a bitch to you, haven't I?

Trouble is, Martin, I began to find you so boring.

You didn't give me much of a chance.

I know.

I've been like that since I left art school.

It's not your fault.

Do you want to split up?

No. I'm not fit to live with anyone else.

You're the only one who'll have me.

Things wouldn't have worked out with Dave or Gary.

Well, Dave, perhaps.

He was a really nice guy.

I don't want to know.

No, but he was.

How are you feeling, Mrs. Darling?

Oh, excited.

Let me have another look.

Sir, what's your name?

Kenny.