All language subtitles for The Comic Strip 11 Four Men in a Car

This is stupid.

Why don't we take our own cars?

I could have been there by now. Take
four cars to Swindon. That is stupid. I

don't like other people's cars.

We agreed that we all... No, I never
agreed that. I never agreed that. Yes,

did. No, I didn't. You said we all go in
one car and no one gets there first and

no one gets the advantage.

Brian's not going to give area sales to
the fastest driver.

Yes, he will. No, he won't. He'll give
it to the one with the year's best sales

sheet. That's me.

Oh, yeah.

In your dreams, mate. In your dreams.
He's going to get that job.

Oh, about time.

He is such a wanker.

Well, I can't sit in the back because I
get sick.

You've all got long legs. It's too
cramped for me in the back. It's a nice

colour. You've been under a sun lamp.

No, mate. Florida.

Quarterly bonus, and it was superb.

We got a free flight, free car.

Yeah, good, wasn't it? Yeah.

I didn't go much on Florida when I was
there. Can I just open the window then

something? I've never sat in the back of
a car, have I? Yeah, well, it'll be a

new experience for you, won't it?

Come on, let's go.

Come on, ladies. You've got pin lights,
you've got quad sound.

You can all change your memory.

I'm not getting out of memory.

I should be in the front. I've got
longer legs than you.

I said I've got longer legs than you.

I should be in the front. All right, all
right, I'll move the chair forward a

bit.

Ow! Hang Beth up, would you?

There's only one hook, and my coat's
going on that.

No, I can't see out the mirror now.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

There. Now will you move the seat
forward?

Forward! I'm taking my own car.

I can't get out. Ian, open the door. I
can't get out.

Because the child lock is on. I'm
feeling sick.

Well, put your foot down, Ian.

I'm doing 80. That's fast enough.

Why don't you try doing 85 like everyone
else?

After sales promotions at 4 .30pm.

Then we've got the buffet, 6 to 7pm.

Cabaret, the grumble weeds at 9 .30pm.

Why can't they just tell us in advance
who's got the job instead of three of us

wasting our time in the bloody Swindon?
Hey, Tim, don't worry about it. The

job's mine.

Might not be yours.

Might be Ian.

Yeah, but Brian doesn't like Ian, does
he? Oh, yeah.

He liked me well enough when I pulled in
the Donnelly contracts.

Donnellys are as good as bankrupt.

Well, I still satisfied their fleet
service requirements, didn't I?

Three units is not a fleet, Ian. Well,
Brian thought so.

And that is why I've got 17 -inch rooms
with low pros and you haven't. I can

live without alloys, thank you, Ian.

I'm feeling sick. Why don't you just
open the window, then?

Shut the window!

By this time tomorrow, one of us is
going to be sitting in that glass

With his own parking space.

Yeah, but don't you worry about parking
spaces, mate.

You just think of all those brand new
temps you get to share. That's not what

the job's about.

Oh, isn't it?

It's the responsibility.

Oh, here she goes.

Oh, that's why they give you a company
credit card.

And all the junkies.

What, overnight in Belfast? No, no,
opera and all sorts.

Brian was telling me he went to a film
premiere at the Odeon Leicester Square.

And afterwards he went to a party.

at Planet Hollywood, and he sat right
under the gun from Die Hard. The actual

gun.

I'm feeling sick.

Yeah, hello.

Hello, Bernie. Mate, how are you?

I'm all right.

Have one of them.

What, didn't you get the new parts?

Will it stop me feeling sick? What is
that, Raid? Take your mind off it.

I'm in the depot right now. I'll sort it
out. Hello, where are Bernie's parts?

Speak to me, somebody!

I'll put the petrol on the air miles
card, yeah? The tie and the floor mats

the loyalty card, and the chewing gum
I'll pay cash for, of course. No, get

of the way there, look. I'll put the
chewing gum on the loyalty card as well.

No, the air miles card.

No, look, in fact, I'll put everything
on the air miles card except for the

floor mat.

So it's just the two receipts. Okay,
look.

We can't put confectionery on air miles.

Oh. Um, well, I've got enough points on
the loyalty card to pay for the floor

mat, the tie and the chewing gum.

Afraid not. You haven't been loyal
enough.

Oh.

Forget it, then.

Stop the petrol, thank you.

Sounds of the 80s. Never heard of it. A
compilation tape's normally £6 .99.

£6 .99 then.

£7.

I can't get change out.

That's OK.

You can keep it.

What's in those pills? My head's
spinning.

Sorry, but I'm starving. Oh, God, what's
that?

It's lamb biryani with mingaloo sauce.

It's nice.

I can't believe I don't see him. He's
breathing in here.

Anyone want to hear this?

Sounds of the 80s, eh?

See if you remember this.

Hang on.

Oh, yeah. Thank you for coming on the
side of the trees I love. God, I forgot

how good this was. If I'm here, I could
have swallowed.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

What's this program?

Get a fucking life!

I think it wants to get past you. Well,
we'll have to wait, won't we?

What is the point in that, eh?

I mean, what is the point in that?

Right, step on in, Liam. We've only got
an hour to go.

Hold on, Bronco, it'll be six.

Come on.

I'm trying to, the bastard won't let me.

I've got to get out.

That's not funny!

That's funny.

Tony just said it valeted as well.

I'm going to call Brian, tell him we
might be a bit late.

Yeah.

I can't get a signal.

Oh, come on.

Step in the door.

Oh, God, I'm dying.

No, let's just go in. Oh, God.

No,

no, no.

Oh, oh, oh, right, right, right.

There's a key there.

Where the hell's the phone?

Just shat myself.

There's an old phone.

Well, of course there's a phone.
Everyone has a phone.

Maybe it doesn't look like a phone.
That's it, yeah. A novelty phone.

Yeah, a Mickey Mouse or a Ferrari or
something.

Hello? Hello?

Oh, very fucking funny.

Hey, I think I've found him.

Get out! Get out of my house!

No, finish that. I don't want your
bloody germ.

Don't shoot.

We're only salesmen.

What the...

We had an accident on the motorway and
we just found the key.

Ian Crisp, Rampart Financing.

Smell number on me mobile.

Stand up, all of you.

It's all right, Tim. She's got my card.
I can't actually get my hand into my

pocket at the moment.

But, uh, hi.

I'm Alan Sellers.

And, uh, wow.

What a nice house you have here.

I do apologise for the terrible
intrusion.

You're dripping blood on my carpet.

Yes, I know. Oh,

I see. Sorry. Sorry. Good. You're still
doing it. Move on to the lino. Go on.

The lino.

I'm coming now.

Here we are.

Thank you, sir. Madam. Madam.

Madam. Look, we're all just a bit
injured.

And all we need is this phone and a
tourniquet and a bucket.

Get him off my sofa.

And clean up that mess, you bastard!

Clean that up, you bastard! Clean it up,
you bastard!

You bastard! You clean it up now!

He's very, very sick, madam.

Well, this is outrageous.

You have the cleanest mess up all of
you.

Don't mess. Thank you, sir.

Clean up this mess. Clean up this mess.

Can you mind him? Look, he's made. He's
sick of this.

400 yards to the motorway and he's like
some bloody rescue centre.

Look, er, madam, please, could we just
use your phone?

No, you can't. Please, help us.

We're dying.

Well, I haven't got a phone.

You're lying.

Everyone's got a phone.

I don't have one.

That's why I live in this godforsaken
place. I can't be alone and have a drink

and eat.

Madam, what's the chance of just
borrowing that car out there, just for a

of hours?

No, that's right.

That's the question.

We just want to borrow the car for a
couple of hours, get it down to the

station, and I'll tell you what, we are
going to give you, little lady, 50

pounds.

No, we're not. We're actually going to
give you 75 pounds.

Are you trying to buy me?

Are you? No.

Are you trying to buy me? Ian.

Ian. Look, I'm just going to go out to
get a signal, yeah?

And then we'll be out of your air as
soon as we can, love. All right?

Have you got a toilet?

No, of course I've got a toilet.

How long do you think I've sunk?

Thank you very much.

Right, you've got ten minutes.

If you touch anything, I'll blow your
head off.

Do you think she'd shoot us if I put the
kettle on?

It's your call, Tim.

Listen, uh, Tindo, I was just thinking
I'll, uh, I'll just pop outside and rub

bit of, uh, snow on this, uh, wood if I
can't get it to freeze over a bit, so,

uh, you just, uh,

Just enjoy your tea, Tim.

You prick.

I knew we should have taken our own car.

Oh, so you're a writer.

What kind of package are you on, just
out of interest?

What are you doing?

I was just coming off to get help.

You were trying to steal her bike,
weren't you?

No, I wasn't. I was just walking past
and he came at me. Come on.

Don't help me, Oliver!

So, no, go through this again.

I pay nothing, six months, and £40 a
month thereafter.

I just don't understand how they can do
this to people. Well, no, it's also part

of our link purchase policy.

I mean, for instance, if you were to
buy...

a new car as well i've got a car you
could save even more money oh yeah

that's the um yes she's fine for a
writer i suppose but you take like

angle those nippy young women's cars you
see in the ad yeah she's driving across

spain you know she's got a couple of
gorgeous boats in the back you know what

i'm saying it's a very different image
right what i hate though is the one with

the arabs oh yeah in the back you don't
like that one no i don't i hate that one

feel like that

But there's a very good one when they're
driving a little green car and they've

got little beach cakes in the back. Oh,
that's great.

She's going to have some fun.

And that's the kind of image of that
kind of car.

Very silly, even at 0 % finance.

Now, eight pairs of four, we don't have
to worry about that. No.

My leg!

I think it's broken!

Well, did you get through? No, we're in
a dead zone. I'm going to have to walk

to the nearest phone.

Oh, yeah?

Then you'll be off to Swindon, won't
you? Leaving us here to rot.

I never expected this of you, Ian.

Not for an extra measly two grand a year
and access to the executive washroom.

You all right?

Strong stuff, isn't it? Yes.

Hello.

Let me help you up.

Now, I've got exceptionally good terms.
I think you're going to be very happy

with it. You know, just signature
anywhere on this paper.

What happened? She was about to sign
this contract. She threw herself down

stairs. I think she's dead.

Oh, great.

We're going to have to get the police.

So we spent all night answering
questions and Trevor got there and he

failed. Let them go.

Yeah, it's nothing to do with us. Oh,
you were the one that was upstairs with

her. That's it.

You killed her. I was just selling her a
car.

And when she wouldn't sign, you killed
her.

Because you're so bloody desperate to
make your units up. You shouldn't have

done it, Steve. You're the one with
blood on your hands.

Hey, I've got a car key.

Let's just go.

I'm in the front, thank you very much.

Hey! I was in the front, you bastard!
Get in the back!

Get away from me!

Come on, come on!

Oh, God.

The greatest job of our lives on offer
and we're stuck in a...

No drift with a dead woman.

She's breathing.

We've got to get an ambulance.

Don't let her die!

Somehow. Don't let her die, Steve! Some
way.

I'm going to get a signal.

Wake up!

Wake up!

Wake up, you drunken bitch!

Oh, I forgot.

She's diabetic.

She needs insulin.

Well, get some insulin, then.

I smashed it.

You thieving, junky bastard.

I was only trying to cheer myself up.

All right, all right, all right, look.

Diabetics need sugar, so get some sugar.
No.

Bananas.

Give me more bananas.

Get me out of the nose, pal.

I don't believe it.

The signal!

Hello?

Brian!

Yeah, we're just approaching the Swindon
turnoff right now.

She's slipping away.

So now we're murderers?

Oh, bloody hell!

You see what happens when you don't have
a telephone?

Did you get the ambulance?

Just got a signal.

Brian called.

Oh, Brian.

Has he?

He just had time to say we've all been
sacked before the battery failed.

Yeah, but he didn't include me, though,
did he?

All of us.

He named us one by one.

Sacked?

Did he... Did he say anything else?

Yes.

He said we're dickheads and just a waste
of petrol.

So that's it, then?

We're finished.

We've been at the destination at 17 .30
hours over.

Oh, by the way, I haven't had my hot
meal break.

Oh, that was four minutes yesterday.

Yeah, I'm thinking of taking the whole
half hour actually on Monday.

Freak weather we're having.

You know, two miles down the road, it's
completely clear.

Weird, isn't it?

Is that our car?

Well, it's something very similar, yes.

Oh, what a day.

You're the Rampart boys, aren't you?

We were. We've just been sacked.

There you start again.

You build up a new customer base, little
favour here, new set of tyres there. I

can't play starting all that again.

No, nor me. I'm going to go back to
dealing soft drugs.

I'm not fit for anything else. Lying and
bullshitting is all I know.

Me too. I've never told the truth. I've
never had to.

All we do is lie.

We lie on the phone.

We lie to our suppliers.

We lie to our customers.

But above all, we lie to ourselves.

Cut out that soul -searching crap.

You're salesmen, all of you. People
don't come to you for the truth.

They come to you because they need you
to tell them what to buy.

Right.

You've had a setback.

You're down to zero units and you've got
no bonus points. But, hey, who gives a

shit?

There are as many mugs in the world as
there were yesterday.

You know, she's right, guys. There must
be millions of mugs out there in the

world. You can hold on to that, mister.

Who's going to find for these?

Who are you? Just a board from the
depot. Stella.

Nice to have you back.

Stella. Rhymes with... Listen, I'm
giving you guys a second chance. We all

the score, the endless road, ducking and
overheating soon, on a diet of Rennies

and last month's copy of Landed.

But who cares?

Because you're back in the game.

So be confident.

But above all, be well, cocky. Now get
out there, sell shit, and make Mama

of you.

Yes, sir!

Come on, guys, let's just do it! Yes!

Yes!

Yes! Yes!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Yes!

Right, this mint green girly car I've
got on the back of the trailer with the

two Australian feet piece in it.

Oh, you want to have some fun?

Or you want to stay here and be a lonely
old drunk the rest of your life?

Go on, Hayley. Let's go.

I hope you find a little more time.
Remember we were partners in

crime.

It's only two years ago. The man with
the tooth and the face.

He knew that he was there on the case.

Now he's in love with you.

You want to get part of it?

Well, he'll have to wait, won't he?