Original subtitles

� Introducing

� Whoo!

� Come on, the one and only

Woman: I've never seen anything like it.

��

Okay. We are all set.

I have hired some caterer help today

to assist me with this grand party

that I haven't made up what it is yet.

What should it be?

Michael: What is your name? Kelly.

Kelly. Yes.

Okay, great. Yeah, you can set those right here.

Thanks for grabbing those. That's from Miss Jean's.

Have you ever gotten anything from them before?

No, I haven't. They're amazing.

Where is that from? Are they down here?

Oh, they're great little desserts.

Cool. And what did they say we had?

They did not. Okay.

We got -- Okay, croissants,

and that looks about a baker's dozen croissants.

Great. You want to close those up?

Great. We'll keep them fresh, and we can keep them over here.

Perfect. And...oh, those look nice.

Yeah, they do.

Chocolate chip. I think it's just chocolate chip.

No other nuts or anything?

No. I'm gonna think about how we should display these

because you definitely want to keep the boxes closed

up until the last minute.

Right. A lot of people like to eat 'em right out of the box.

Oh! [ Laughs ] If you want.

I was like, "Oh." They made plenty.

You know what? I am good. Oh, are you?

Yeah, I'm not a big sweets person, but I appreciate it.

No problem. Thank you.

I have to have just one little bite. They're so --

Thank you. My gosh. Go for it, of course. Mmm, mmm.

Is there somewhere I could wash my hands?

We, uh -- oh!

What is is that? [ Gasps ] Is that mold?

That kind of looks moldy. What?

Yeah, was the other -- [ Gasps ]

What is -- Ooh!

What happened?

What is going on?

Oh, my gosh. Okay.

What just happened? It's the Miss Jean's.

I've catered for them before, but I never brought these in here.

There's no preservatives in them,

so if they hit moist air, they can...

Oh, my God. I've never seen anything like that.

I'm literally freaking out. No, don't, don't be.

I mean, it's healthy mold

because there's no preservatives.

That I know. And they make their --

you know, all their dressings with the same things,

blue cheese and stuff.

So, but -- yeah, I don't want to touch it

because my hands might have -- on it.

Is that still...?

It's green.

I don't even want to know. It's green.

Oh, my gosh.

Okay.

I have never seen anything like this in my life.

Yeah, it -- they can attract speed mold.

[ Gasps ] Oh.

Okay, hold on a minute.

Hold on a minute. Will you stay right there?

Yes, yes, yes. I don't want to touch anything with my hands.

Do we need to do -- Don't -- just --

I'll get some sanitizer and some cleaning...

Okay. ...things for us, and paper towels.

��

Yeah, they're having a little impromptu party here.

His daughter just got a promotion.

Oh, that's so great. Awesome.

So, you can help out right here.

Okay. This can be your little station.

Um, oh, yeah. You know what? Finish this.

I was just writing -- it's one of those glow signs.

He wants it to say, "Congrats, Buttercup".

Of course. That's what he calls her.

Okay, so -- So, you can finish that.

Oh, buttercup. I'll go get the cake.

I got it. Great.

Thanks, Arianne. All right.

Is this a surprise for her or no?

Yes, it is. Uh-huh.

��

All right, and here's the cake, and I think the cake is --

Okay, now this is -- Oh, that looks great.

Where would you like this?

Oh, that looks -- uh, yeah. Just right there is fine.

Oh, sure. And I think the cake is going to say the same thing.

No. Um, how many people would you say that cake --

Oh, wait. What's up here?

Oh, that's -- they always pack it with frosting.

Are you supposed to do that? Yeah.

Mm...

I can do it. Yeah.

[ Chuckles ] Don't worry.

Yeah. They're pretty much self-working.

Oh, really? Okay. Yeah.

How many people would you say that cake would serve?

Uh, 30. Yep, good.

We'll get there fine. Okay, so let me close that.

I mean, you want the reasonable slices, of course.

That's right. Reasonable slices. Mm-hmm.

Put that there, and, um, slide this over. Mm-hmm.

And so, I think you have to just put it near it.

Is that right? Yeah.

Okay. You have to --

You've done one of these before? The smart cake?

Uh, no, I have not, but I know, uh --

people are going to be on this side, right?

Oh. Oh, no.

I mean this next to -- this is a smart cake.

What's a smart cake?

Oh, look. Here. We turn this on.

[ Whirring, beeping ]

Oh, yeah. You hear it pairs.

You have to hold it kind of close.

To the cake? Yeah.

What's the cake do? Beside--

I mean, what do you mean, "smart cake"? What does it do?

Well, that's the -- that's what I was showing ya.

��

[ Gasps ] Yeah. Isn't that great?

How did it do that?

It's, uh, Bluetooth.

It syncs -- it's synched up with Bluetooth.

Oh, my God. And there's a chip that runs.

I didn't know that. I never did that.

You never did that? No. Oh, my God.

The best way to do it.

I see that. The best.

'Cause whatever you put here is going to be on there?

Yeah. What you put on there syncs on here.

So, it's like a printer in a way. Exactly.

Oh, that's awesome. I was wondering like, um --

A frost-- a frosting printer. Basic Blue-- Yeah.

I thought we had to do it, you know, the old-fashioned way.

The old-fashioned way -- you have to do manually, yeah.

But this is -- yeah, it's a Bluetooth frosting printer.

And, uh, each box comes with one, and it's disposable.

That's awesome. Oh, my God. Yeah, we love them

because in case they want to change their minds...

Okay, so you got this sign and plus, you got the cake.

You got the sign, you got the cake, and --

Uh-oh. Oop, sorry.

Oh, no, they fell out. Oops. Sorry.

I'll put it -- oh, really?

What does it -- "Rats." "Rats butt."

Rats butt. Want me to put it back in?

[ Whirring ] [ Gasps ]

Did you turn it on again?

No, it's not gonna redo it, right?

I don't know. Let's look.

Don't even. I know.

[ Gasps ]

That's okay. Change it. We'll change it. Quickly.

Oh, my good-- Just give me...

give me something to get rid of it.

Can you -- maybe write something?

Fix it. "Congrats, buttercup."

And I'll stall them. Okay. Thank you.

Yep, sorry. Um, yes? Man: Barry, could you help me?

Oh, no problem. Hold on, mister...

Oh, my God.

��

I don't know how to [bleep] do this [bleep]

I'll show -- we're going to make, like, a little thing like this.

Okay. Okay?

This is going to be -- the homeowner's having a party.

Yeah. They're very cool. It's the two of them.

Yeah, apparently, they went on their honeymoon in Aruba

and, like, brought back this shell.

These are -- I don't know how you get this through customs

'cause usually they have, you know, with another country --

They have -- They have rules, yeah,

with regards of, like, what you can take. Yeah.

You can hear the ocean inside? Yeah, a little bit.

It's nice.

Yeah. Uh-huh.

Yeah, great.

[ Water drips ] So I was gonna --

There's still water?

Oh, my gosh.

You want to just wash -- just rinse --

I mean, um, wipe that down. Yeah, yeah.

'Cause I was going to do something with it,

maybe put things around it and kind of feature it.

Yeah. I think this is as good as it's gonna get.

Oh, I got that. Okay.

Yeah. Great. Okay.

I'll have, um --

What is going on?

Oh, my gosh.

Look at this. Here, wait. We'll use this.

I'll use this because I'll dump it outside. Yeah.

Oop. Whoa.

Whoa. Wha-- Maybe they wanted to keep that in there?

To keep it in here. Are you s-- no.

He was -- He was having me listen to it before.

Wow.

It's still going.

That's -- all right, well, maybe --

Wow.

Look at these. Yeah.

There's like --

There's -- what -- what's in--

What is that? That's seaweed. There's stuff still inside.

Well, I'm sure he'd want me to clean it up

if it's, like, important for the party.

Yeah. [ Gasps ]

Oh, that is some nastiness,

but that is so cool, though.

Yeah, that's insane. Oh, geez. Oh, don't --

That's okay. That's -- I'm going to change that bowl anyway.

You are? Yeah. You know what? We'll keep it in the bowl.

Okay. Yeah, we'll just use that.

Oop. Geez.

How is there that much fitting in there?

I don't understand. Hold on. There's like a little --

[ Gasps ]

Wait, there's more water where --

wait, in the bowl, in the bowl, in the bowl, in the bowl, in the bowl,

in the bowl. Gosh!

Okay. That's what makes the sound.

You know, it's conical, so stuff can get jammed up in there.

Yeah. Um, here.

Let's just leave -- Let's just leave it in here like this.

Yeah. That's crazy.

I don't even think he knew all that stuff was in there.

No, I definitely don't think he knew.

Like, look at how pretty these shells are.

These are, like, all unique. Oh, my gosh.

They're still going.

Okay, there's water still coming out of there.

��

Um... Wow.

Okay, well, let's -- here, I'm going to clean it up.

Let me just clean up the table a little bit.

That's crazy. It's not --

It doesn't even seem that big to hold that much water.

Yeah. It could be compressed, though, 'cause, you know, like,

it's under pressure. See -- See the air?

Yeah. That's what's getting -- the air is being released.

So that's why -- yeah.

[ Gasps ] That's crazy.

Yeah. It's like...

You think it's done now?

I don't know. Whoa! Oh!

[ Gasps ]

That's a -- That's -- There's a live animal in there.

What? There's an eel in there somewhere.

Look at -- Look at --

[ Gasps ] There's...

Oh, my God.

That's crazy.

Oh, my gosh.

Hold on. That's one of the reasons you can't bring these --

Thank you. Okay.

I'm gonna -- I'm gonna get a, um, new...

Everything. ...tablecloth and everything.

All right, you just stand tight. Are you sure?

I'll be right back. What if he comes upstairs?

I'll get new linens. You just stay right there.

Yo, this [bleep] is crazy.

��

Wow.

��

Okay, they're gonna be coming upstairs.

Uh... Okay.

I'm putting this back.

What's -- Do you put it back up there?

Should we put the stuff back in?

No, hell no.

It's -- It's already out. It's already out.

Yeah. From here on out, let's just clean it up.

Clean it up. How was all of this inside that one shell?

That's what I'm trying to figure out.

Like -- I -- I don't -- It's like a whole beach.

I'm putting this back. Good.

We did do something good.

We can let them -- What, do I tell him?

Yeah, look at this. You can't hide this.

This is a live animal.

Maybe -- can I, like, Google what to do with this thing?

Um... 'Cause I don't know what --

'Cause besides, like, we don't want to --

Google "The Carbonaro Effect".

C-A-R-- Yeah.

"American his--". No, wait.

...B-O-N-A-R-O.

C-R-O-B-O-N-A-R-O?

Okay, I'm on that, but it's showing me this -- this show.

Oh.

Um, what to do -- wait, what's the name of this snake?

Let me see this. I'm sorry.

Yeah, I don't have a phone on me.

Don't -- don't drop it with this -- with the thing in there.

Look. That -- See? That doesn't help you... Okay.

It's a hidden-camera magic TV show.

Okay.

So, what does this have to do with the snake?

Like the one you're on right now.

You're lying.

You're on my TV show, "The Carbonaro Effect".

No, I'm not. Right now. Yes.

I'm a magician.

[ Laughs ]

Stand up, stand up. Oh, my gosh.

This entire time -- wait, so you knew that this --

I'm co-- I made it happen.

You are an [bleep]

[ Laughs ] Am I the only one that was crazy?

Come here. Here's your phone back.

Is that crazy?

This is you! [ Laughs ]

[ Both laugh ]

��

[ Deep voice ] Put on my hardcore look

for my hardware store.

I'm not going to talk like this, though, 'cause I'll never be able

[Normal voice] to keep it consistent.

We'll just do this guy.

Woman: Do you guys do keys here?

Mm-hmm. Okay.

Right. Okay, cool.

Uh, all right, you know what? Here.

Let me get, uh -- Did you ask for the chain?

No. You're not the chain order.

Okay. Maybe you can help me out.

You're cool using Bluetooth tools?

Yeah. Yeah, okay.

All right.

My cutter here.

They usually pre-cut them,

and then I cut it at the wrong length.

And this one's just the hardest one to do by myself.

Oh, yeah. No problem. This tool -- Okay, let me --

[ Beep ] There we go. Okay.

So, I'll open that up like this. Okay.

You got that? Thank you so much.

[ Chain rattling ]

I'll hold this up.

Okay, so what you want to do is,

you want to be within six inches.

Okay, what am I doing? Just b--

bring it a little closer, like six inches close to it.

Come closer. About right there. Wait.

Come a little closer, and give it a snip.

Good! Thank you.

Whoa. Okay.

I -- I did not know what was happening. Huh?

That was so cool.

I thought you said --

didn't you just say you knew Bluetooth tools?

Well, when you said, "Bluetooth,"

I was like, "Oh, yeah. I have Bluetooth".

You've never used the tools? No, that was so cool.

Oh, yeah. Isn't that great? Wow.

It doesn't cut flesh.

Like, it won't cut flesh no matter what.

That is so cool.

You know, like, your phone won't open... Yeah.

...unless it's a thumb.

So interesting.

Yeah. Here, look, I'll show you.

This one's my favorite because I was just playing with -- here.

There.

You know, all the noise that that makes, right?

Mm-hmm. It is way worse,

but if you use the Bluetooth...

��

...you can work in the middle of the night with this guy.

Button right there. Mm-hmm.

The only thing that's weird

is you just don't know which side is the --

Yeah. Which side is the claw

and which side is the head.

Here, move your purse.

Would you, uh, want to give that a try?

I'll put it on the edge. Go ahead and -- yeah.

Give it a little action. Go ahead and give it a hit.

Oh, I think it's the other side.

Yeah, there we go. Give it a whack.

��

Whoa! Okay. This is so creepy.

That's great. How did you do it?

It's using, like, inertia,

and the Bluetooth is starting a magnetic resonance.

Yeah.

So, it's using both Bluetooth and inertia.

That is way -- that's interesting.

How are you doing? Good. How we doing?

Good. All right.

Thank you. Good.

Just this? Yeah.

Got it. Oh, you got a little, uh --

There's a little --

Scratch? Oh, I think it will come off.

It's like -- Yeah, it's the only one they had, too.

The only one they had? Yeah.

All right. Let me, uh --

Let me see if I can just give that a little --

smack that back into place...

a little bit.

Sometimes, that will --

Oh, geez. What did I do?

Oh [bleep] It's okay.

[ Laughs ] Nope. Sorry.

That -- Sometimes it's better to do it that way first, though.

Where's the --

I'm sorry, buddy. That's all right.

Yeah.

Sometimes, it's better to break it first

before you try and fix anything.

That's cool.

If I had another one, I'd let ya...

All right, let's see. You just rub it in.

It's an aluminum spray.

And it solidifies all the cracks.

��

What -- I don't understand how that works like that.

Isn't that something? That's crazy, man.

See the little -- yeah, it fills the cracks.

Really? Yeah.

It sort of, like, heats each end.

The two -- Because when -- when a mirror breaks,

it always breaks in a sharp, blade-like point.

Right. And the two of them together --

when both very, very sharp tips get th--

get melted, they can perfectly meld into each other.

Hmm. So...

So, is that not --

That's not going to break or anything, is it?

It actually strengthens it. Oh, really?

Yeah. That's crazy, man.

The same thing happened with the windshield on my truck.

I thought that mirror was a goner, man.

Oh, yeah, no.

I had a little nick on my windshield. Yeah?

And I tried to fix it with the spray, and it wasn't working.

But we smashed the whole thing and then fixed it,

and it's much -- yeah, much cleaner.

Really? Yeah. Much cleaner fix. Yeah.

Let me -- Let me get the, uh, coupon in the circular for ya.

Hmm. That's crazy.

��

Ooh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Careful. Yeah.

You want to take some of those home with you guys?

They're, uh -- They're glove warmers.

You know, keep your hands warm in the winter.

Mm-hmm. How do they work?

They just drop them in the glove. You got to rub them --

You rub them to kind of warm them up,

and then you drop them in a glove.

Oh, really?

Yeah, and it keeps -- keeps your hands warm.

You can put them in your feet.

You know, you can put them in --

If they're free, you get them out.

Yeah, you take a couple and put them in your --

Yeah, use one at a time when you're doing it.

Oh, so after one?

Take -- You take one, and you put it in your hand

and just sort of rub it until it will --

it will -- see, then it will light.

You let that ball light up,

and you drop it into a glove.

Well, you got to put these in a bag, right? Feel that.

Oh, yeah. It feels warm, right?

Feel that?

Yeah, but the way you just --

that dang thing was flaming up like that.

No, it's inside. Yeah, the tip --

I'm talking about before you put it in, so you got the tip --

He's talking about the flame that he saw.

You -- Yeah. You got to put this in a bag.

You can't have this in your pocket

and roll them off something.

Well, I drop -- I -- It will stay lit inside,

and then just when you're finished with it,

you just tumble it out.

And then you have the lit one again,

and then just -- you want to blow it out

and put it in there, amongst all the other ones.

Yeah, but -- And it will always keep lighting?

Michael: It will keep lighting.

Yeah, that's what I said.

Will you give me a little piece of paper I can wrap mine in?

A little bit of something to wrap it in.

Yeah, I don't want -- This way to --

well, they might ignite the paper, though.

Yeah, so I'm thinking -- You know --

Just hold it in your hand.

Yes, just -- just keep it in your hand. Probably safer.

Give me a bag to put these in.

Bag? I'll get you a bag. I'll be right back.

[ Both laugh ]

That's what I thought about it. I said...

Gee whiz, that's something.

They're sliding, and you got them in your pocket.

If -- If you forget about that,

you think -- you know, you'd be on fire.

Wow. Right?

He used to work for NASA or something like that.

It's 2:00 a.m.

I'm on a farm, and I've got my alien-calling device.

These things actually work, so show some respect.

��

Michael: So, yeah, the guy who usually tends the farm,

he was living in here.

So, they just -- Like, without you -- without anybody knowing?

Well, he didn't -- no, no, no, and he was... Okay.

...he was keeping the animals cool, but, yeah,

so, basically, we have to

just get all of his stuff out of -- oh, my God.

It's like a disaster. Yeah, he went nuts.

[ Gasps ] Oh, look. He's one of those.

Yeah, he's one of those. I want to take a photo.

No, I'm kidding. Yeah, you can. Go for it.

Well, that's what we have to do. We have to take photos.

That's crazy.

Um, of the -- what machines are they talking about?

What -- What is this? Toothbrush with a ph--

Oh. What's that?

Okay, no, there's a toothbrush with notes in it, and --

Oh, he's, like, insane. He's insane.

He used to work for NASA or something like that.

And, uh, someone called,

said they were from a division of the CIA,

and we were, like, we're just a petting zoo.

Yeah, you know, wha-- Like, we just want -- oh, shoot.

Where are the goats? Okay.

Um, this is our donkey, Goldie. Yeah.

Hi, Goldie. Hey, Derrick?

Go for Derrick.

Yeah, the goats aren't in here,

so I guess he took off with some machines and -- and two goats.

You have to be kidding me.

No, and he, like, tagged the walls, too.

There's, like, this symbol on the wall.

Better you than me.

Okay, so, look for the goats. I don't know, man.

What the hell. Okay.

And over there, too. Yeah.

[ Donkey brays ]

What's the matter? Do you have water?

Good over there?

Looks like it. All right. Yeah, you're good.

You're just making sounds, right?

What was that?

��

That did happen, right? I'm not -- okay.

I don't know what the heck that was.

Somebody driving up, maybe? Oh, yeah.

Maybe that's got to be the trucks that drive right by.

Oh, okay. Okay.

Okay.

Cool. [ Chuckles ] Enough weirdness going on.

Okay, I'll put that in there.

So they're going to pick this stuff up.

Okay. That looks like one of them.

I wonder maybe -- Yeah, that's one of his things.

Yeah. It's okay if I touch it?

Yeah, please.

Yeah.

Okay. [Bleep]

That's an important device, Kyle.

[ Laughing ] Clearly.

What...? [ Laughs ]

I don't know. I like the teeth the best.

Yeah.

Well, this is, uh -- oh!

[ Device clicking, whirring ]

It works.

We're calling them! No, no, hold on.

Here. Shut this off.

Here we -- Hold on.

Just one big pic-- good picture.

Cool. Great.

Okay. Okay. Well, that's fun.

[ Rumbling ]

No, that I heard.

That's -- What is that?

I don't know.

[ Humming ]

What is that?

Look. What?

Okay. Whoa.

Oh, my God! Stay back.

Oh, my God.

What is happening? I have no idea.

Hold on a minute.

��

Holy [bleep]

What the hell is going on?

What the [bleep] Seriously. What was that?

I don't know.

What the heck just happened here?

Um...

Oh, my God. I don't -- Is that really what --

Look. [ Gasps ]

Get the -- Holy [bleep]

Okay, we just witnessed that.

What the heck is that?! What is that?

That's that. That is that.

That's the same symbol that was above the donkey, right?

[ Rumbling ] Oh, my God. Get down.

What is happening?

Um... Okay. We're okay.

We should call -- We'll call Derrick to come back up.

Are we okay? That just burnt a hole through that.

I know, but we're -- I mean, I -- I...

[ Rumbling continues, donkey brays ]

Do you hear that? Yes.

[ Rumbling stops ]

Where is Goldie?

What the hell is going on?

I'm not sure, but I'm creeped out --

like, seriously creeped out.

Where the heck did -- she could have gone?

She was tied up.

Um, I -- she...

Kyle, what's happening?

What? Look. That's that.

This is weird alien stuff.

I have never seen anything like that in my life.

Okay, okay. Glow.

[ Humming ]

Get down. That light. No.

Look, it's happening.

Okay. What is that?

I don't know. What is that?

��

Okay. On your -- What did --

[ Gasps ]

Oh, my God. Okay.

Can you -- I'm --

That is the same sign.

What, did it burn it in your coat?

Yes.

That was not here.

I'm not [bleep] with you.

This is weird. Why do you have a symbol?

I don't know. This -- I don't know what this means.

Oh, my God. I've seen that symbol before.

It was something about it being...

What the [bleep] The symbol mea--

It's part of the Carbonaro Effect.

Do you know what that is?

No.

You've been marked. No.

"The Carbonaro Effect" is the name

of a hidden-camera magic TV show...

Okay.

...that you're on right now.

Are you [bleep] with me?

I am. Kyle? Yeah?

My name's Michael Carbonaro. I'm a magician.

You're on my TV show right now.

Am I being filmed? Seriously? Yes, yes!

That was crazy! Why are doing this to me?

That wasn't -- Don't be scared.

No! [Bleep] seriously?

Is there a camera -- I'm on camera?

Yeah. Look, I have a camera hiding right up here.

Okay, so that -- This burning a hole through this thing was --

You're -- That was just you [bleep] with me?

That must have been the real aliens.

��

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