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* Oh, we wish you
a Merry Christmas *

* We wish you
a Merry Christmas *

* We wish you
a Merry Christmas *

* And a Happy New Year *

* Good tidings we bring *

Maya...

I know it’s a few days
before Christmas and all,

and I know that this is
a very special time for us.

It’s the anniversary of
our very first date together.

Davis, this has been
the most wonderful year.

Now, I know you know me,

and you know I’m the kind of guy
who just can’t keep a secret,

especially when it comes
to giving gifts to someone.

You’re acting like a little kid.

I know, but if you’ll just
forgive me this one time,

I would love...

for you to marry me.

Yes, of course I’ll marry you.

I love you.

[female voice]
Telephone.

What?

I said, "Telephone."

Snap out of it!
[laughs]

Oh, gosh! I better go.
I don’t want to be late.

Have fun.

Oh, Patrick,
I’m really glad you’re here.

In fact, I’m surprised
you’re still here.

Look, the end of the quarter
meeting is today at 4:00,

so I need to make sure
you get Scoots groomed

and looking his best, okay?

Unlike the last time
I asked you to do that.

The dog isthe mascot
of our product line.

Oh...

Patrick!

Whoa!

You’re unbelievable.

That isn’t the first time
I heard that this week.

The meeting’s at 4:00.

I know the meeting’s at 4:00.

You know what? I don’t see
what you don’t see in me, okay?

I mean,
I’m a good-looking guy.

I’m available most weeknights.

And my father owns the company.

You also have the attention span
of a 13-year-old boy.

Oh, yeah?

[sighs]

Hey, what time’s the meeting?

Hey.

Hi.

This place is really fancy.

You were running late
so I went ahead and ordered.

Great. What am I having?

Crab cakes.

Oh, my gosh.
You remembered.

That’s what we had
on our first date.

That’s so romantic.

Cocktail?

- Please.
- Good, because...

I already ordered you
a martini.

Oh. Wow.

Your food will be ready
in just a few minutes.

Thanks.

- Oh, a double?
- It’s Christmas.

Mm.

Look, I’m really looking forward
to our trip to Nassau.

Me, too.
I’m counting the days.

Great.
I mean, that’s my girl.

I just want
to make sure that...

we both understand exactly
what this trip is,

and... we don’t put
any extra meaning on it.

It just is what it is.

Right.
[clears throat]

What-- What is it?

It’s a good time.

It’s you, me, on the beach.

Right. It’s you and me
on the beach.

Because I wouldn’t want
our great time

to be ruined by some
emotional rollercoaster.

We don’t want to have planning
and the commitment

and the rings.

It’s just too hard,
but listen.

This really doesn’t having
anything to do with you.

This is just how I’m feeling
right now. It’s me.

It’s really about me.
It’s not about you.

Look, Maya, the thing is
you’re a sweet girl,

but lately I’ve been
feeling like--

God, you’re here, right?

This is you up here,
and this is me down there.

Oil and water, right?

And salt and vinegar.

- Fish and chips.
- Exactly.

And we should just
go and have a great time

and not think about
any of this stuff.

I thought you--

I thought you were going
to propose to me today.

Propose? Me? Today? No.

I mean, I might someday.

Hug?

No, no, don’t worry about it.
The drinks are on me.

Damn right it is.

Merry Christmas!

I want you to take a look
at Patrick’s receipts, Max.

Just look at ’em.

Winslow, can’t you see
that I am busy, please?

Max, you’re going to be
even more busy

trying to explain your son’s
expenses to the stockholders.

Nightclub, nightclub,

- Maserati rental.
- Yes.

$2,000.

He is just a kid.

Max, he’s over 35 years old.

After his mother passed away,
I let him run wild.

Max, he’s irresponsible,
he’s unreliable, he’s--

He’s my son.

He’s the sole heir
of the Pet Products empire,

and I am confident that he will
make a wonderful CEO...

someday.

What about today?

What?

Max, Scoots’ handlers had
to cancel due to an accident,

so we have no one left to escort
the dog across the country

to Los Angeles.

Why don’t you let
your future CEO handle it,

unless you feel that he can’t
complete such a simple task.

No, I’m not worried at all.
Patrick’s a perfect choice.

You want to bet on it?

You know,
I find your insinuation

an affront to my entire family.

- And yes, I accept your bet.
- What?

You want to put your money
where your mouth is?

You’ll be sorry.

Morning, everyone.

Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Oh.

Now that that’s out of the way,
let’s get down to business.

- Winslow.
- Christmas, as we all know,

is the biggest gift-buying
season of the year.

It’s great for some,
but can be crushing for others.

Say that again.

Pet Products, the king
of the luxury pet market,

has fallen into a little bit
of a slump this past quarter.

Scoots’ breath mints
and shed-free shampoo

have not been exactly
flying off the shelves.

Things could be a lot better.

So what do we do?

Well, I’ll tell you
what we do.

We make every dog fancier
in America

fall madly in love with Scoots
this holiday season.

[arf]

Clara and Scoots are going
across the United States

in a goodwill tour
ending up in Los Angeles,

where Scoots is going to be
the Grand Marshal

of the Beverly Hills
Christmas Day Parade.

That’s brilliant. I didn’t know
Scoots could drive.

Oh!
[laughs]

He can’t.
That’s where Patrick comes in.

What? Me?

Scoots’ handlers
are out of commission,

and so you are going to drive.

I thought we were going to do
the father son Christmas thing

together this year for once.

Son, it’s all been settled.
You’re going to drive,

and Clara, who is the head
of corporate communications,

is gonna handle all the PR.

Uh, sir, I know
I said I could go,

but, uh, my mother’s plans
have suddenly changed,

and she’s on her way here
for Christmas.

She’s already in the air.

I’ll go.

You?

Yes, me.

Dad...

I would love to go
to Los Angeles

and spend Christmas
with my folks,

and I just-- I can’t afford
a plane ticket, so...

Oh? Why not?

Because you don’t pay me enough.

Well, then that’s perfect.

It’s now 4:10,
December 21.

You have enough time
to drive to Los Angeles,

stopping along the way
to introduce Scoots

to his adoring fans.

It’s going to be a lot of fun.

If Scoots misses that parade,

don’t bother to come back.

Well, Winslow?

Bravo, Max.

[barks]

He’s not good enough for you,
and he never was,

and that should fuel you
to move forward with your life

and find somebody better.

At least you’ll be home
for Christmas.

Mama and Papa
will cheer you up.

And you can’t beat Christmas
at home with your folks.

I know.
I just have to survive

this whistle stop
cross country tour

with a shaggy animal...

and a small dog.

You’ll be fine.
It might even be fun.

- [knocking]
- Oh.

Well, we’re gonna
leave tonight.

Yeah, all right, so we’ll
see you in a few days.

I promise you, you’ll get
a chance to meet him.

Okay, I love you. Bye.

So, your mom wants to meet me?

Uh, my mom wants
to meet Scoots.

Oh.

Madam, your chariot.

Oh, no, no, no.
Where’s the SUV?

SUV, mess-u-vee.

This is a classic
land shark, Maya.

It’s got a satellite radio
to rock on down the highway.

It’s got a nice big shower,
big beautiful bed.

Whoa.

Make that two beds.

It even has a kitchen
to cook.

You know, don’t confuse me

with one of your
floozy girlfriends, okay?

Excuse me. I would never
date a girl that cooked.

Or showered.

Ouch.

If you so much as look at me
funny, I’ll neuter you, okay?

Shh! Don’t say that stuff
around Scoots.

He’s very sensitive.

[barks]

* Woke up this morning just
a little bit late for work *

You know,
before we go any further,

I’d really like to go over
our ground rules for this trip.

Ground rules?
Okay, Mom.

I require unanimity for all
major decisions on this trip.

- No loud music, no partying.
- No fun.

That’s right. Now can you
please just zip it

while I finish my list?

No burping, no drinking,
no profanity.

It makes me feel
very uncomfortable.

No road rage, tailgating,
passing or speeding.

And like right now
you’re speeding.

Could you just take it down
a notch for me?

And, uh, yeah,
you can sign it right here.

Maya, darling,

you don’t have an impulsive bone
in your entire body.

You’re right, I don’t.
Now sign it.

Come on, here.

Thank you.
That is your word.

[burps]

Gross.
You’re really gross.

Let’s not forget something.

My father owns the company
that you work for.

And you’re forgetting
something else.

I happen to be
the junior vice president

in charge of non-human
relationships.

Non-human relations, Patrick.

Non-human relations.

It means you walk the dog.

So?

[barks]

You don’t have
to agree with her.

* Go, go, Santa *

* Whoo *

Working late again, Crachit?

Yes, sir, Mr. Scrooge.

I just really wanted
to get this out of the way

with the holidays coming on.

You’re not exactly one
to knock off early.

True, but that’s my name on the
firm’s front door, young man,

not yours.

Maybe someday.

That’s what
I’d like to chat about.

Sir?

Well, Eugene and I have been
discussing your situation.

We really like the way
you handle yourself,

and with Edward retiring
at the end of the year,

we’d been thinking about perhaps
expanding our partnership

once again.

- Expanding?
- Yes.

Now you know
our firm has a tradition

built on integrity and values.

Family values.

Our clients trust and expect
that the company

will run as it has
always been run,

on these strict core values.

I understand completely, sir.

That said,
we are looking forward

to offering you
a junior partnership.

What was your
young lady’s name again?

Well, um, Maya.

Lovely girl.

Any matrimonial prospects there?

Um, I’m not really sure.

Oh.

That’s too bad.

Remember,
marriage is the rock

that many great foundations
spring from.

I’ve seen the way she looks
at you when you’re together.

You could go far,
perhaps to the top,

with a girl like that
in your corner.

You know, you’re right, sir.
You’re absolutely right.

Of course I am, son.

Well, think it over.

It’s the most important
decision of your life.

What was I thinking?

Hey.

Will you help me open these?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Oh!

What?

These can’t be good.

There’s some sort of clear
gooey substance on top.

What are you talking about?
It’s great.

Come on!

You don’t know what’s good.

- Ugh!
- Yeah.

- Mmm!
- That is disgusting!

Scoots would not complain.

Scoots sniffs his own behind.

No. What, you’re not hungry?

No. I ate yesterday,
thank you.

You know, I’m just trying
to be friendly.

And if you’re gonna get upset

every time that
I offer you something,

this is gonna be a long trip.

You’re right. I’m sorry.

Thank you,
but I’m fine, thanks.

Okay, apology accepted.

Now let’s play
the license plate game.

What?

The license plate game.

When a car passes,
the first one to call out

which state it’s from
gets a point.

Oh.

Come on! You were a kid once,
weren’t ya?

I was a kid.
We just didn’t travel a lot.

We didn’t have a lot of money
for vacation.

I wasn’t a rich kid, okay?

Well, this should be
a real treat for you then.

This is a delight.

West Virginia.

West Virginia.

West Virginia.

West Virginia.

[barks]

One for Scoots.

West Virginia again.

It’s usually
a lot cooler than this.

You think
we’re in West Virginia?

Yeah, probably.

What’s that say?

Yes! Yes!

Barbecue!

Curly’s Rib Ranch?

Lovely. The only restaurant
for miles around,

and it has to be
in a barnyard.

-You’d be right in your element.
-You got that right, darlin’,

because I love me
some barbecue.

There’s not another restaurant
for an hour and a half,

and I can’t hold out
that long.

[barks]

Two against one.

Okay.

Ugh. This is--

See, that’s
what I’m talkin’ about.

It’s a real barbecue place.

- Howdy!
- Oh!

Hi. Table for two and a half,
please.

Hmm. Ain’t no dogs
allowed here.

This ain’t no mere dog.
This is Scoots.

You know, the most famous dog
in designer pet products.

Well, I’ll be.

- It is Scoots!
- Yeah.

I use his mango conditioner
on my beard.

Have any table you want.

Thank you so much.

You’re welcome.

Yes.

Well, I’ll be. Hah!

Scoots in my place.

There’s sawdust on the floor.

Check the guns at the door.
Really?

I mean, come on.

Seriously, Maya,
it’s Christmas.

It’s the time of year
where people put forth

just a little extra effort.

So can’t you just
step outside the box

’cause I think you might
actually enjoy yourself.

I happen to love Christmas,
all right?

Except your idea
of Christmas and mine

are very, very different.

Oh, really?

Really.

Y’all decide yet?

Got some brand-new specials
up on the board.

It all looks so good, darlin’.

You know what?
Can I see your wine list?

Wine list?

Wine.

You know, I’ll just take
your house cab.

We got bourbon, honey.

I can bring you
a glass of that.

It’s made locally.

You know, forget it.
Um, nothing for me.

Just get Scoots here
a nice meaty rib bone.

That’ll do it.
Something grass-fed.

Sauce on the side?
It’s made with bourbon.

No, no, we’re fine.
He’s underage.

- [arf]
- How ’bout you?

It all looks so tempting.

This is gonna
take a moment, darlin’.

All right, sugar.
I’ll get that rib bone started.

Yeah.
Take care of the rib bone.

Can you keep your eyeballs
in your head?

Actually, no.
Are you jealous?

- Are you kidding?
- I’m not kidding...

because you and our waitress
look exactly alike.

Do you want me to hurt you?
Do you?

Do you have any siblings?
Any that lived?

You’re a riot.

Because I have you pegged
as an only child.

Don’t try to analyze me,
Patrick.

Don’t waste your time.

I’m not trying
to analyze you.

It’s just that
you’re so... you.

You’ve been handed
the job of a lifetime,

VP of a major corporation,

and you walk around like
some sort of slacker teenager.

You have a total lack
of ambition, Patrick.

Hey, my lack of ambition
has got me where I am today.

That’s my point.

Don’t you want more, huh?

Don’t you want your dad
to respect you?

Of course I do.

What do you think
that this trip is all about?

- If I don’t deliver that dog...
- [barks]

on time,

what do you think’s gonna
happen to my trust fund?

And then what’s gonna happen
to my love life?

Because we both know women
are only interested in me

- for my money.
- Right, right,

and has nothing to do with
the girls you’re dating, right?

You’re engaged right?

Yeah, any day now.

When’s the big day?

It’s, um, it’s tentative.

Now’s just not really
the right time for us.

And that’s him talking, right?

That’s guy-speak for,
"I love ya honey,

but I’m not exactly
done looking yet."

You know, Patrick, I don’t think
you’re any position

to discuss my love life.

All I know is that you’re with
a bachelor you can’t stand

and a dog on a road trip
at Christmastime.

That’s what I know.

[phone vibrating]

Oh, look,
it’s my boyfriend calling.

Speak of the devil.

Hi!

[arf]

- Davis--
- Please don’t hang up.

I have nothing to say to you.

Well, I have something
to say to you.

What, "Hug?"

Look, I’m sorry about that.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry
about everything.

I just get so wound up

and obsessed with my career

that I sometimes forget
what’s really important to me.

Yeah, great.
Are you done?

Because Curly’s is about to
thrown down some ribs on me.

Curly’s? What, are you
at a barbecue joint?

- I don’t believe it.
- Oh, really?

Well, I am not as predictable
as you think I am, Davis.

Maya, I know you like a book,

and you want exactly
the same thing that I want,

which is another chance.

Just because I love you--

no, I’m sorry--
loved you,

doesn’t mean that
you can walk all over me.

I work too hard

hustling doggy breath mints

to be treated
like a pee-pee pad.

Will you just at least
tell me where you are?

Clara said that you were
at some kind of holiday

publicity tour with a dog.

Yeah, somewhere between
Washington and Los Angeles.

I don’t know.

Chainsaw Massacre,
West Virginia.

You’re driving across
the country alone.

I didn’t say I was alone.

And I happen to be traveling

in the lap of luxury.

[shutter clicks]

[chime]

Maya.

Don’t mean to interrupt,
but you gotta see this.

It’s awesome.
Would you please? Come on.

Who was that?

Davis, I have to go.

I hope you find whatever it is
you’re looking for.

I’m sure it’s under
a rock somewhere.

Wait! Maya!

* Jingle bells, jingle bells *

* Jingle all the way *

* Oh, what fun it is to ride *

* In a one-horse
open sleigh, hey *

* Jingle bells, jingle bells *

* Jingle all the way *

* Oh, what fun it is to ride *

* In a one-horse open sleigh *

All right, everybody,
one time for the big time!

- Say cheese.
- Cheese!

Right on the money.

Happy holidays!

Scoots and Pet Products
thanks you.

Aww...

Fantastic. That’s, um--
That’s fantastic.

No way!

It’s a crispy
pig ear appetizer.

Scoots, I know you love that.

You know what?

This makes me
very happy for you.

[snorts]

[laughs]

- [rings]
- Hi, this is Maya.

I’m not available to take
your call right now,

so leave a message,
unless this is Davis,

in which case
you can stop calling me

because you are so dead to me.

- Bye!
- [beep]

Curly’s Barbecue.

West Virginia.
West Virginia.

Ah, I got you.

Curly’s Rib Ranch.

Oh, Maya, what are you doing
to your palette?

Ah-choo!
[coughs]

You okay?

I think Curly’s pork
gave me the swine flu.

[laughs]

That’s funny.

I mean, it’s sad,
but it’s funny.

[coughs]

Ah! High-five for Ohio.

Buckeye State.

What is a buckeye anyway?

Uh, never mind.

Could you please turn up
the heater? I’m freezing.

Come on, man.

I got nothing.

[rattle]

Okay, that didn’t sound
like nothing.

That is not a sound you that
wanna hear at a time like this.

- [arf]
- We need to get this checked.

Are you serious?

Oh, yeah.

[creaking]

That’s just great.
Great.

We should be able to make
Milloughby by sunup.

Seriously?
Next stop, Willoughby?

* Ooh, yeah *

* Hittin’ the road again *

* This Christmastime *

* Out on the road *

* Fill ’er up
and turn the radio on *

* Ooh *

* That’s right *

* Don’t matter how far we go *

* Keep playin’
that rock ’n roll *

* Ooh *

* Here they come
All right *

* Oh, yeah *

* Hittin’ the road again *

* This Christmastime *

* This Christmastime *

* Looks like
we’re hittin’ the road *

There, you see?

Your captain has delivered you
safe and sound.

It’s the middle of nowhere.

The middle of nowhere can be
a pretty cool place sometimes.

Now I’m gonna get you
something hot to drink.

So what do you want,
a hot coffee,

perhaps a chocolatey cocoa?

Oh, no, thank you.
I’d really like a green tea.

How did I not know
you were gonna say that?

- ’Cause you’re a moron.
- A moron?

I see that my boyish charm

is finally starting
to break down your walls.

* Whoo *

* Woke up this morning just
a little bit late for work *

* I gotta check a big list *

* From the North Pole
county clerk *

* I’m taking one last look *

* At the names
of the good boys and girls

* Oh, yeah *

* And then I’ll pack my bag *

* And make my way
around the world *

Here you go, Don.
Freshen that up for ya.

Mornin’.

Mornin’, stranger.
Coffee?

Yes, can I have one to go
and a hot tea.

A hot tea.

Actually, make that a green tea.

Sorry, hon, don’t have
any kind of hot tea,

green or otherwise.

Well, what kind of tea
do you got?

Got iced tea.

Can you make it hot?

I think I can.
Give me a few minutes.

You passing through?

I’m trying to pass through.

My heater broke in the RV,
and now the RV doesn’t move.

Well, that’s a shame.

We got a bed and breakfast
around the corner

if you’re gonna get
stuck here for a while.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, thanks,
I’ll check that out.

Listen, you don’t know where
I can get a replacement part

for an RV, do ya?

The only place
that would have that

would be Rocky’s
filling station,

but he’s a ways out of town.

And you seriously think
that he would have a part

for something like this?

I don’t know how
that boy does it,

but he has a part
for almost anything.

4.50, hon.

Great.

Keep it.

Oh, thank you.

And, uh, where’s this
Rocky’s place?

Straight out of town,
about a mile up on the right.

Straight... right.

Got it. I’ll find it.

Thanks!

* So leave
some cookies and milk *

* ’Cause Santa Claus
is comin’ to town *

* Whoo *

* Oh, no, Santa
Don’t be late *

* We gonna wake up
in the morning and celebrate *

* You got a really big gift *

* But we know
that you’re our guy *

* Oh, no, Santa
Don’t be late *

* We wanna wake up
in the mornin’ and smile *

Okay.

It is not warm out there.

They didn’t have green tea,
but I got the next best thing.

It’s kind of a brownish
golden color.

Can you get the heater fixed?

The lady said I have to go
to Rocky’s filling station,

and evidently Rocky has
what we need.

You can’t leave us, though.

I mean, I could freeze to death
out here.

Don’t worry. I’m not gonna
let you catch ammonia.

[coughs]
Pneumonia.

Pneumonia.

There’s a bed and breakfast
down the street.

I am gonna park you and Scoots
there until I get back.

I hope they like dogs.

Scoots is an icon.
Who doesn’t love Scoots?

We don’t normally cater
to folks with pets.

The county has certain rules
about things like that.

Right, but this isn’t
just any pet.

This is Scoots.

Scoots, you know? Scoots,
America’s favorite dog.

Oh, well, how can I be sure

that that really is
Scoots or not?

Well, you can have a sniff.

[sniffs]

- Mm! He does smell pretty good.
- Yes.

That’s Scoots’
bath and body wash.

Oh, like a fresh spring day.

Darn right.

It is kind of
girly-like, though.

You sure he’s a boy?

Oh, please, ma’am,
you’ll hurt his feelings.

Sorry.

Wanna smell the other end?

It’s okay.

Ah-choo!

All right. Now...

Oh. I am all booked up.

But I can let you have
one room.

Oh, no, no, no.
We need two rooms.

Oh, well,
I only have the one.

Well, it is the holidays,

and we’re the only hotel
in town.

And I only have four rooms.

Sorry.

- We’ll take it.
- What?

We can’t stay in the RV.
The heater’s broken.

Here you go.

All right, up the stairs,
room 3, to the left.

- Thank you very much.
- Mm-hmm.

Poor Maya.

There you are.

Well, it’s okay
because I have a plan.

I am gonna hoof it on
over to Rocky’s

and see if he has the RV part.

And if he does, I’m gonna
have him install it in the RV,

upon which I shall
come back here, collect you,

and we will continue
on our journey.

That’s great.

And I hope you feel better
’cause I don’t want to get sick,

but I probably have
nothing to worry about

’cause we haven’t actually
kissed or anything yet.

Ugh, ugh!
I’m gonna throw up.

Well, eat some grass.

- That’s what Scoots would do.
- [barks]

Feel better.

* Well, the snow outside
keeps comin’ down *

* It’s covering the trees *

* Lately seems like
every day *

* Feels like Christmas Eve *

* Ho ho ho *

* Meet me underneath
the mistletoe *

* Ho ho ho *

* Won’t you spend Christmas
here with me *

* Now Frosty’s
got his magic hat *

* And Rudolph
has his shiny nose *

* But I’ve got you
to keep me warm *

Morning.

One moment.

Are you sure
that he didn’t show up?

Ohh! Darn it!

I paid in cash,
in advance, too.

Well, that’s the trouble
with people these days.

There ain’t nobody got any
Christmas spirit at all.

Yeah.

Well, thanks anyway.

Mornin’.

You’re Rocky.

How can I help ya?

Well, Rocky,
my RV went on the fritz,

the heater’s broken,

and it’s making
kind of a funny sound.

Well, it’s not the RV.

- No?
- No.

It’s gonna be some rock salt

that’s wedged up in there
from the road.

- Oh, you think?
- I know.

It happens all the time.

And I have got
just the widget you need

to pry it out of there

and get you on your way
in no time.

It’s the only one in town.

Great. I don’t care
how much it is.

I’ll take it.

Oh, wait a minute, son.

It’s not for sale.

You mean I can’t have it?

I didn’t say that.

I am going to give it to you
for free...

in exchange...

for just one small little favor.

What kind of favor?

Well, I need someone
to play Santa Claus

down at the old folks’ home.

My dear mother
lives down there, and...

well, I need someone to cheer
her and her friends up today.

It’s sort of
an annual tradition.

And that’s it? You just want me
to go to the old folks’ home

and play Santa Claus and--

Wait a minute.
How long is this gonna take?

Half an hour.

Golden Slumbers’ right in town.

They’re gonna like you.

* Whoo *

* Out on the road
this holiday season *

* Have a care
’cause got a good reason *

* I’d hate to stay up late *

* Waitin’ for me *

Oh, did you find
what you need?

Well, sort of.

Any weird noises
from upstairs?

Not a peep.
I think she’s sleeping.

Well, I don’t want to wake her,
but if she show’s her face,

will you tell her that I’m
gonna be at the old folks’ home?

I will.

I see that you are going to be
this year’s Santa Claus.

That’s right.

She thinks I’m incapable
of doing an unselfish act.

No.

But nothing says unselfish
like Santa Claus.

That’s so true.

- Merry Christmas.
- Yeah.

* Santa Claus, I see you
walkin’ down the road *

* Tell me where have those
rascally reindeer up and go *

Hey, hey, kids.

Do you know where the Golden
Slumbers’ retirement home is?

- Yeah, it’s just back that way.
- Oh, thanks.

Hey, are you gonna be Santa at
the old folks’ home this year?

Yeah. Why?

[laughing]

* Whoa, ho
Where did the reindeer go *

* If you can’t buy that
magical Christmas sleigh *

Feeling better, honey?

Oh, um, yes, thank you.

Do you have
any extra blankets?

There’s two extra on
the top shelf of your closet.

Oh, sorry.
I didn’t even look.

Oh, I just remembered.
I have a message for you

from that nice fella
you’re with.

- What is it?
- He wanted you to know

that he’s playing Santa Claus
at the old age home.

Are you sure?
The guy I was with?

Mm-hmm, that’s him.

I was just as surprised
as you are.

If you want to see him,

you just go up Main Street,
make a left.

- Okay, thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

* Whoa, ho
Where did the reindeer go *

Well, hello, Santa!
Whoo hoo!

* Get out and walk *

* Ho ho ho *

* Merry Christmas *

* Ha ha ha ha *

Welcome, Santa.

Ho ho ho.

I’m Edna.

And I’ve been
a very bad girl this year.

Uh, I’m, uh, Santa.

Can we get this party
started, please?

Sure, but before we do,

there’s a few things
you need to know.

Lay it on me.

There are some
very old people in there,

and if anything
should happen in there,

I just don’t want you
to feel too bad.

Come on.

So do you have any presents
that you want me to hand out?

Candy canes or something?

Just be yourself.

Have fun, Santa.

Hey, look!
It’s Santa Claus!

[cheering]

Ho ho ho!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

Now, how many of you ladies
have been nice this year?

[mumbling]

Um, how many of you ladies
been naughty?

[cheering]

I have been so naughty
this year.

Take it off!
Take it all off!

[cheering]

Sandbagged again.

[cheering]

Hit the music.

**

Merry Christmas!

* Go, Santa, go *

* Go, Santa, go *

* Go, Santa, go *

* Go, Santa, go *

- Excuse me.
- Can I help you?

Yeah, we’re looking for a man
that might be dressed in a...

Santa suit?

Yeah, maybe. Is he here?

He’s entertaining the ladies
right now.

Really? That’s something
I’d like to see.

I’ve been curious, too.
Come on.

[cheering]

* Baby, it’s Christmastime *

* Everybody’s full
of Christmas cheer *

* Baby, it’s Christmastime *

* And it’s been so hot
Gets so hot *

* In here *

* Whoo *

* Go, Santa, go *

* Go, Santa, go *

* Go, Santa, go *

* Go, Santa, go *

* Come on, Santa *

* Let’s see you rock and *

* Roll *

* Let’s see you rock and *

* Come on, Santa
Let’s see you rock and *

* Roll *

* Whoo *

Sorry, buddy, but somebody
had to play Santa this year.

Well, I guess
it wasn’t so bad.

Made about
20 bucks in singles,

and I got the spare part
to the RV

that’s gonna
get me outta here.

Hmm!

Tell ya what.

Your town
isn’t all that bad.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas to you, too.

Everything
come off all right?

You...

You at least
could have warned me.

You at least could have
done that much.

And if I had, would you
have gone over there?

Well... no.

Think of how disappointed
old Aunt Hazel would have been?

You know, she really looks
forward to Christmas every year.

I just feel so...

so used.

Well, you were.

[chuckles]

[knocking]

Feeling better?

Yep, much.

Good for you.

Great.

Well, I fixed the RV,
filled it up with gas,

so we can take off now
if you’d like.

I’m impressed.

Didn’t think
you had it in ya.

Maya, let’s stop with the
treating me like a kid act.

There’s a lot of me
that you haven’t seen yet.

Oh. You, uh...

You wanna make a bet?

Really?

Really.

You saw everything?

Everything.

Well, I still have my pride,
don’t I, Scoots?

[arf]

Nah, I didn’t think so either.

I’m really happy
you came in tonight.

Table for one?

No. Just a large latte
to go, please.

Latte. You sure?

We got the best darn BBQ
in the WV this side of the PA.

BBQ?

WV?

Side of PA?

Is this some kind of
hillbilly lingo?

I just don’t understand.

You poking fun at me, boy?

No, no.

I’m sure you’ve had enough
of that in your life.

Did a couple of strangers
come in here last night?

One is a very tall,
beautiful blonde.

Not from a bottle.

This is where she said
she was going.

Look, folks come and go around
here all the time, mister,

genuinely enjoy themselves,

have some BBQ,
the best they is.

Just a latte to go, eh?

Latte.

You want cinnamon on that?

What do you think?

Maya?

Maya.

- I’m okay--
- Help! Earl!

Hey! What do you think
you’re doing, huh? Get out!

Maya.

How’s everything going,
sweetie?

We’re really anxious
to see you,

but I don’t like
this driving business at all.

I’m fine, I promise you.

I’m really looking forward
to seeing you and Daddy.

Oh, same here, baby.

Can’t wait. Now remember,

be careful when you’re riding
around with a strange man.

Ha ha! Minnesota!

- We haven’t had that one yet!
- Nice.

Who’s that?

That’s him.

Be careful, baby.

Mom, I’m fine, okay?

Don’t worry.
I’ll be home for Christmas.

I love you.

That was my mom.

So is your father still away
most Christmases?

My father and I haven’t
spent Christmas together

since the year
my mom passed.

I thought that was gonna be
different this year,

but it’s no big deal.

Christmas is really
not my thing.

Why?

I just don’t have the same
warm, fuzzy memories about it

that most people do,
that’s all.

Christmas at my house
is crazy.

- It’s like a circus, really.
- Yeah?

I love the holiday.

Well, it must be fun.

If you share with people
that you’re close to--

I’m sorry that you’re away
from your boyfriend.

Spending it with my family
will make up for it.

It’s no big deal.

You’re lucky.

How about you?

Had any serious girlfriends?

What? They were all serious.

Not one of them
had a sense of humor.

Why can’t you just give me
one straight answer?

Just once. One time.

Okay.

There was one in college
that was very special to me.

How long did it last?

What? I mean, a long weekend?

Halftime break
at a football game?

It lasted long enough.

She was--
She was different than me.

She was classy,

good in school,

well mannered,

organized.

Everything that I wasn’t.

[scoffs]

I even tried
to change for her.

And what happened?

Christmas vacation.

I met the parents.
Didn’t measure up.

They thought that I was some
footloose, playboy-type

that had designs
on their daughter

and nothing more,

and they wanted something
better for her.

And I did, too.

We broke up Christmas Eve.

Wow. That’s a shame. Sorry.

No.

I was a young, spoiled kid.

I’m happy for her.

She did the right thing.

But that was the time
in my life I realized

ah, it just doesn’t pay,
you know?

It hurts too much
to get close to people.

[clears throat]

Indiana.

Oh, no, you didn’t.
No, you didn’t.

- Texas!
- Where?

You didn’t see the cowboy
in the ten gallon hat?

No. You’re a liar.

I am not lying,
and by the way,

Texas is 10 extra points.

[arf arf]

Uh, yeah, Scoots saw him, too.

[chuckles]

Where were you looking?

* Whoo *

* Ha ha *

* Here we go *

* Are you locked in, snap
Let’s hit the road *

* It’s time
to get movin’ on *

* Gotta keep rollin’ *

* Rollin’ on down the line *

* Whoo *

* Gotta keep this engine
going strong *

You know, I thought when
I said that you could drive

that we had an understanding.

Patrick, I’m going
67 miles per hour.

Just relax, okay?
We’ll get there.

67 miles per hour.
2 miles over the speed limit.

Oh, you’re crazy!

You’re making fun of me.

Do you need me to cut loose?

Will that make you
feel better?

Whatever floats your boat.

Just try and get us to LA
within 2 weeks time.

83. See, now that’s
a respectable number.

It’s really rattlin’ now, huh?
Just really opening up!

Okay, 90 miles an hour.
You proved your point.

You might want to
take it back down now.

Oh, yeah?

Are you implying that
I’m the reckless one here, huh?

Are you suddenly feeling
like the responsible one?

How does that feel, Patrick?

Let’s just not forget
that we have

a very high profile passenger
in the back

probably soiling his crate
about now.

[barks]

Whoo!

Wow! This feels good.

And I might be next.

* Nothing’s gonna
slow me down *

- [engine starts]
- [siren blaring]

Oh, okay, is that a cop?

Yeah, that’s a cop.

Oh, all right.
I can handle this. No problem.

Maya, when the cop gets up here,
just let me do the talking.

You know, I am a girl.

I know how to get a cop
to put his ticket book away.

We’re so dead.

Just let me handle it.

No, I got this.

Hi. What seems to be
the trouble, officer?

License, please.

Right.

- Here you go.
- Thank you.

Well, y’all are a long way
from Washington, D.C.

I’ll say.

Where you headed?

Um...

we are going to Las Vegas
to get married.

Yeah.

- To him?
- Yes.

Really?

Yeah. This is
my little butterball.

I love him so much,
you know. Yeah.

Well, I clocked you going
103 miles per hour.

You must be wanting to get
married pretty badly.

- Just look at him.
- No, thank you, ma’am.

If he loved you, he’d tell you
to slow down a bit out there.

I’m really sorry.

I’ll never speed again.

In fact, I have never gotten
a ticket in my whole life.

I’ll tell you what,
Daisy Dukes,

I’m gonna run this license and
see if you’re telling the truth.

Now, if there is anything on it,
and I mean anything at all,

I’m gonna have to take ya in
so you can partake

of our special jailhouse
Christmas grits and gravy.

Okay? But if it’s clean,
I’m gonna let ya go. Sound good?

Yes, ma’am.

Okay, then. All right.

We are so dead.

Dead!

Are you crazy?

I know what I’m doing, okay?

You’re going to jail,
unless--

No, no, that’s impossible.

Nobody has led such a staid,
boring, risk-free life

that they don’t have anything
on their driving record.

I mean, I had 3 speeding tickets
by the time I was 20.

That is because you’re
a reckless road menace,

and I am a model citizen.

[laughs]

We’re so dead.

[thump]

Get out of the car. Now!

"I, on the other hand,
am a model citizen."

Not 100 miles an hour.

103 miles an hour.

I don’t get it.
I have a perfect driving record.

I mean, it’s as clean
as the driven snow.

Well, that’s the trouble
sweetheart.

That’s just plain impossible.

Meaning that this
driver’s license of yours

is probably fake.

Okay, I don’t like
what you’re insinuating.

And do I look like some sort
of criminal to you?

I don’t want to get into that
right now, missy.

Great.

Ma’am, I know
this is difficult,

and frankly
I wouldn’t believe it either

unless I was trapped
in an RV with her

for the past couple of days,

but let me
tell you something.

This woman,
she’s telling you the truth.

It’s true.

Well, we have got to do
a thorough background check

on the both of ya,

and since it’s the holidays,
that may take a day or so.

- A day?
- Or so.

Oh, ma’am, I don’t think
you understand.

This is Scoots,
America’s favorite dog.

And if we don’t get him
into Los Angeles in 24 hours,

we’ll both be fired.

Let me ask you something.

Do you want to be responsible
for ruining Christmas

for all the little children
that are waiting to see Scoots

at the Christmas Day Parade?

Since you put it like that,
come here, little fella.

Come here,
come here to me.

There you go.
You don’t belong in here.

- There you go.
- What are you doing?

Scoots, no!

Why, you little traitor.

You two, you settle down.

I have got work to do,
all right?

And you can expect
your supper around 5 p.m.

Excuse me, ma’am,
what about my phone--

Phone call.

Great.

Finally, my father
puts a little faith in me.

You know, simple task,
deliver a dog.

Where does Patrick end up?
Jail.

It’s my fault, Patrick.

Tried to escape my old
boring, predictable life

and look what happened.

Well, for a minute there,
you were pretty cool.

I was cool?

Yeah. Coolest.

Why is this happening?

Why couldn’t I have just
done one thing right?

You know,
we might still make it.

Yeah.

Scoots!

Good boy!

- [barks]
- Get the keys.

- Good boy.
- Get the keys?

Maya, you’re not suggesting that
we break out of jail, are you?

This is not a suggestion.

Good boy, good boy.

Come.

Yes!

I can’t even believe you’re
thinking this. This isn’t cool.

They’re gonna treat us
like Bonnie and Clyde,

we better start
acting like it.

What?

You comin’?

I wanna go on record to say
that I do not approve of this.

But I like the way
you’re thinkin’.

We have to keep
our eyes peeled for cops.

There’s probably an all points
bulletin out for us right now.

Stop worrying, okay?

I’m sure by now they know
that we are totally innocent.

Besides, we just crossed
state lines.

They can’t follow us anyway.

Oh, you’re good.

- [phone vibrates]
- Oh.

Hello?

Maya! Why haven’t you called?

We’ve been worried sick.

Oh, well, let’s just say
that we’ve hit a few bumps

in the proverbial road.

Where are you right now?

Somewhere between
here and there.

Well, Mr. Grossman asked me
to check in with you.

It’s the 23rd, you know?

Oh, we are on schedule.

Tell him that Scoots is taking
pictures all across the country

and making friends
everywhere he goes.

Yeah, we heard about that.

You heard about what?

About your little jailbreak
at Jackson Corner.

Oh, right, that.

The sheriff was about to give
you the key to the city

for being such a good citizen,

and then they discovered
that you left unexpectedly.

Well, we’ll just have
to do that next time.

Maya, this doesn’t
sound like you.

Tell me about it.
I’m surprising myself.

And, uh, how is Patrick
treating you?

Fine. Maybe...

Maybe a little better than fine.

Whoa! Are you having
a road trip romance?

Maya, are you falling for him?

Bite your tongue.

Okay, you guys be safe.

I love you.

Love you, too. Bye.

Well?

We’re fine.

Well, what else do you think
Patrick can come up with

to disgrace this company
even further?

What is this
Shakey’s Pack Rat?

I’m in.

You’re in?

Yeah, I’m in.
Besides, I think we could use

a few more photos of Scoots
rubbing elbows with the locals.

All right. All right!

You know what your problem is?

You need to know
that there’s more to life

than walk-up Brownstones,
the perfect relationship,

2.5 kids
with room for a pony.

- I didn’t say it in a bad way.
- Hallelujah.

There’s hope for world peace.

Now, if you could just
make it to adulthood,

then I could die
a happy woman.

What do you care?

Who said I do?

Would you like to dance,
little lady?

Oh, no.

No, thank you, partner.
I’m trying to quit.

Don’t break
Cowboy Jim’s heart.

I’ve got two left feet, okay.

Now, let’s not forget

that we do have
a job to do here.

We have to get pictures with
these people and Scoots,

and that’s not gonna happen with
us sittin’ here on our tushes.

[arf arf]

All right.

Oh , well, looks like
he’s a one-woman man anyway.

There’s still a few of us
left out there.

You know, I’ve been meaning
to tell you something

since Oklahoma.

What’s that?

Sorry for the way
I’ve been treating you.

You know, I’ve just,
I’ve got some issues going on,

and I’ve been
really stressed out.

I mean, not that
it’s an excuse, but I just--

No, you were right.

What?

You were right.
You were absolutely right

with what you have been
saying about me.

I have lived my life
like a spoiled teenager.

And maybe it is time

that I allow myself
to care for someone.

Do you have your eye
on anybody special?

Maybe.

[arf]

Well, tell ya what.
This round’s on me.

It’s pretty, huh?

Hit me, Nita.

With pleasure.

Thanks.

You know,
they’re playin’ our song.

Oh, this is definitely
not our song.

This is a nice little song.

What do you say
you and me dance?

Let’s say
you and me don’t.

Why? I’m not
good enough for you?

Just not the right time, pal.
This dance is promised.

Is that so?

That’s what the man said,
Harley.

Whatever, mister.
You have it your way.

Pretty boy.

Wow.

That was very brave.
You protected me.

Well, I just didn’t want you
to be embarrassed

with your two left feet.

Kinda feel like dancing now.

Pretty boy.

* And true love *

* All I want for Christmas
is you *

* All I want for Christmas *

* Is you *

* All I want for Christmas
is you *

[phone ringing]

Look who it is.

Yes, Dad.

Hello, Patrick?
I’ve got some big news.

That’s cool.

Well, you know
that little news story

about Scoots
breaking out of jail?

Well, it’s gone viral.
It’s huge. It’s huge!

Great. Now we’re wanted
in all 50 states.

Better than that, you’re wanted
on theWink Martindale TV Show

in Los Angeles
tomorrow afternoon.

Wink Martindale?

Dad, that’s fantastic!

But tomorrow afternoon?
You gotta be kiddin’ me.

3:00 sharp.
Now, son,

this is the best thing that’s
ever happened to Pet Products,

and it’s all thanks to you.

Well, trust me, Dad,
I could not have gotten arrested

without Maya’s help.

3:00 sharp,
not a second late,

otherwise they’ll
bump the segment.

Do you think you can do it?

I’ll make it happen.

Okay, I know you will.

I have no idea how,
but I’ll make it happen.

- What happened?
- Good news.

Scoots is booked on
TheWink Martindale Show.

- What? Oh, that’s great.
- Yeah.

Bad news. We have to be
in LA tomorrow by 3 p.m.

or else the spot gets bumped.

Well, that’s a tall order.
Better let me drive.

Oh, ha ha ha.
Very funny.

- Uh-oh.
- Oh. Where’s the RV?

I’ll tell you where the RV is.
It’s stolen.

The guy from inside the bar?

I knew I should have
knocked that guy out

for calling me a pretty boy.

- [arf]
- What’s his problem?

He said it’s the day before
Christmas Eve,

and if we don’t figure this out,
we’re in big, big trouble.

I got an idea.

Patrick?

Patrick!

MAYA: It smells like
a barnyard back here.

PATRICK: I think it’s Scoots.

He hasn’t had his shampoo
in a few days.

[barking]

Hi, this is Maya.

I’m not available to take
your call right now,

so leave a message,
unless this is Davis,

in which case you can stop
calling me ’cause you are--

Aha!

[screams]

I-I...

[click]

Oh, darn it.

It’s not even my car,
sweetheart.

No, it ain’t.

It’s mine.

Damn, baby, you look good
with a gun.

* Pack up the swimsuits
and mistletoe *

* Got a one-way ticket *

* Only one place to go, yeah *

* We’re headed out west
for the holidays *

* Ditch the cold and the snow
to find the sun and waves *

* The sun shines bright
this Christmas *

That’s a cute place.

- Welcome to my world.
- Let me get you out.

Thanks. Oh, gosh. Oh!

Wow. This thing
moved a lot faster

than I gave it credit for.

Yeah, well, it’s not over yet.

Come on, Scoots.

Okay.

Hang loose, pal?

All right.

Ooh! Crazy trip.

Yeah, one would say that.

I think it’s safe to say that
it exceeded all expectations.

Almost all of them.

I gotta get to the TV station.

Yeah.

You better go.

Yep, I better go.

Baby!

Mom.

This is Patrick.

Oh, yes, the dog whisperer.

Mom, please.

Nice to meet you, Patrick.

Nice to meet you,
Mrs. Taylor.

Well, you’re just in time
for lunch, sweetie,

but then you always are.

Maya’s the most punctual
person I know.

She’s all about details.

Oh, you can say that again.

You guys, stop, please.

Oh, you must stay
for lunch, Patrick.

I would love to, Mrs. Taylor,
but I have to get Scoots

to the television station
by 3:00

because he’s gonna be on
The Wink Martindale Show.

Oh!

He’s very busy today.

Well, all right.

Nice meeting you.

Nice meeting you.

So you got my phone number.
Don’t be afraid to use it.

Oh, I won’t.

But I’m gonna see you
at the parade tomorrow.

Yeah. You can get me
a good seat, right?

I’m in good with
the Grand Marshal.

All right,
so I’ll see you soon.

Okay.

- Maya.
- Yeah?

I’ve been thinking,

and I know that
that is a dangerous thing

for somebody like me to do,
to think,

but come on,

what do you think
about maybe--

Maya, lunch is on the table.
Come inside, please.

Uh, all right,
so I’ll see you tomorrow.

Okay.

Fine, ’cause, you know,
it wasn’t important.

Oh, I love, love,
love your hair!

Please tell me you’re using
Scoots mango conditioner on it.

He is.

Oh, I knew it.

I actually use the same thing
on my own hair.

Oh. It shows.

So cute.

[phone ringing]

Oh.

Hey, Dad!
We made it.

Congratulations, boy.
Sunny California at last, huh?

Well, I knew you could do it.
I never had any doubts.

Yeah, well, everything’s great.

- Mission accomplished.
- Gee, son, that’s swell.

You know, I just want to
tell you how proud I am.

You just took the bull
by the horns.

Dad, I really didn’t
do anything.

Oh, yes, you did.

You took Scoots and put him
back on the map, literally.

Hah! And think of all those
new customers you generated.

And now with this TV show
and the parade tomorrow...

Yeah, big business.
Your fortune is safe.

I bet Scoots is loving
every minute of it, huh?

You’d think the president’s
plane just landed,

the way they’re
fussing over him.

[laughs]
How’s Maya?

How’s Maya?
What, are you grandma now?

Maya’s fine.
I dropped her off at her house,

and I’ll probably see her
tomorrow at the parade.

Maybe you will
and maybe you won’t.

I hear that boyfriend of hers

is driving all the way
out there himself.

I think he wants
to pop the question.

Pop the question?
What are you talking about?

Well, that’s just what
Clara told me.

But maybe you’ll see Maya
before he gets there,

and if you do,

tell her I think
that she’s a fine young lady

and that she’ll make somebody
a great wife.

Merry Christmas, son.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

No, not this time.

You, do you promise to guard
that dog with your life

until I come back?

No problemo.

Thank you.

And Merry Christmas.

Thank you.

Patrick, I’m delighted
that both you and Scoots

could make it
into the studio today

because I understand you had
quite a trip across country.

Yes, we did, Wink.
Yes, we did.

We had a great journey.

And Scoots made
a lot of new friends.

And he’s gonna meet even more
new friends tomorrow

at the Beverly Hills
Christmas Day Parade.

- Isn’t that right, Scoots?
- [barks]

I’ll be there.
I always go.

By the way, when you
were headed out here...

Maya, your father
is just taking the cookies

out of the oven,
and they sure smell yummy!

No, thanks, Mom.

I think I’m just gonna
go straight to bed.

Yesterday was a very,
very long day.

I’m just, uh...

I’m just not very hungry.

Still sad?

Yeah.

It’s... not what you think.

- I just, um...
- This journey has been fun,

but it hasn’t been
without its potholes.

We were down there
in Arizona

at a place called
Shakey’s Pack Rat...

I really miss him, you know?
But that’s natural, right?

You’ll get over it.
You’re home now.

Well, thank you both
for being here today.

It’s delightful
to have you here.

And we want to invite
everybody out there

to come down
and meet Scoots tomorrow

at the Beverly Hills
Christmas Day Parade.

- [arf]
- I will be there,

and you be there, too.

Be there or be square.

[doorbell rings]

Oh, I got it.

Patrick. Oh.

Maya! Ohh...

Maya, will you please
just let me in, please?

Look, I drove all the way
out here from D.C.

My parents take Christmas
very seriously.

I wouldn’t laugh
if I were you.

I had no idea
that you lived like this.

And you drove
all the way out here, why?

Because I finally realized
that we are perfect together.

We are an exact match.

We’re exactly the same.

Driven and determined.

Focused and centered.

Chocolate and peanut butter.

Did you, uh, you know,
get into an accident?

Did you hit your head
or something?

Come on,
just give me another chance.

You are like the CEO of my life,
and I cannot run it without you.

We should get married,

and we should raise our own team
of little junior accountants.

Maya...

Oh. Oh, gosh.

Just say those four little words
that will make my heart flutter.

You make me sick?

No.

"I love you, Davis."

Right.

[knocking]

Patrick’s father.
Winslow.

- Hi.
- Oh, please come in.

[doorbell rings]

Uh, hold that thought.

Maya.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Oh, my-- Oh.

BOTH: What’s he doing here?

I didn’t want you
to have to see all this.

Whoa! This is so cool!

Really?

Oh, yeah, totally!

Of course, of course.

You must be the guy
who was working with Maya.

- The dog walker.
- Oh.

[arf]

Right? You were the one

who helped the love of my life
get across the country,

so thank you very much
for that.

She couldn’t have done it
without you.

You know what? Here.
Here, take it.

100 bucks. I mean,
buy yourself something nice.

Really, thank you very much.

Wow, a whole hundred dollars.

Thank you so much.

Maya, I need to ask you
something.

Hey, whoa, easy.
Just easy, pal.

Back off, chief, before I get
all kinds of ninja on you.

And what’s up with the Band-Aid?
You drive out here on your face?

It’s okay, all right?

All right, I’ll give you
two minutes with her,

and then I’m kicking you
outta here.

Give me your hand.

What?

I’m sorry.
Give me your hand, uh, please.

That one.

I have something
I want to ask you.

Patrick, are you feeling
all right?

I feel great.

A little angry,
but mostly great.

After all
that we’ve been through,

you can at least answer me
one question truthfully,

and your answer can be whatever
you want it to be, okay?

Okay.

I don’t know how it happened

because the odds were long,
the road was bumpy,

and the bridge
was washed out, but...

I have fallen in love with you.

And it’s no baby crush
kinda love either.

It’s real like I’ve never
felt before in my life real.

So my question to you is,

do you feel
the same way about me?

No.

And if you do,
you kinda gotta say it.

You can’t just stand there.

Oh, uh...

You’re-- You’re crazy.

Maya, that’s an assessment.

That’s not really an answer.

It’s an accurate assessment.

Well, what does this say?

That’s sayin’ somethin’.

Okay, wh-what--
what’s goin’ on here?

Because--

Whoa, Patrick.
Oh, my God.

It’s obscene.

So this is obviously
about his money.

Well, I can give you that.

Maya, we’re perfect together.

Focused and organized.

Chocolate, peanut butter.

I thought you wanted
to get married.

I do want to get married, Davis.

Just... not to you.

Sorry, peanut butter.

Well, this sucks.

Mom?

Mr. Grossman?

Get the dog.

Uh, excuse me.

Dad, what are you
doing here?

Well, I had a hunch something
like this might happen,

and I wouldn’t miss it
for the world.

Wait. You flew all the way
out here on a hunch?

Almost.

Winslow?

All right, Max, you win.

One dollar.

Okay, Dad, I don’t get it.
What’s going on?

I want to spend Christmas
with you for once.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

I actually made a bet

that you’d be kissing her
before 9:00.

Well, Dad, this time
I’m not gonna let you down.

Maya, may I?

Of course.

[arf]

**

* Whoo *

* Oh, yeah *

* Hittin’ the road *

* Yeah, hittin’ the road again *

* This Christmastime *

* Out on the road *

* Fill ’er up
and turn the radio on *

* Ooh *

* That’s right *

* Oh, yeah *

* This Christmastime *

* Looks like
we’re hittin’ the road *

**

* Snowflakes fallin’
to the ground *

* Mmm *

* Shoppers rushing
through the town *

**

**

* Well, the snow outside
keeps comin’ down *

* It’s covering the trees *

* Lately seems like every day *

* Feels like Christmas Eve *

* Ho ho ho *

* Won’t you spend Christmas
here with me *

* Yeah, I say ho ho ho *

* Meet me underneath
the mistletoe *

* Ho ho ho *

* Won’t you
spend Christmas here *

* Spend Christmas here with me *