All language subtitles for Common As Muck s02e02

Last time I'm coming is muck.

This happened.

Come to think of it, I think that I've
got years in me, yeah. The rubbish

business is finished.

This is strength, isn't it? You broom
and all that bollocks.

Do you not come unconscious with it some
more? It's not free.

Another word. It's amazing, isn't it?
Yeah.

Down your windows, mate.

Which of the two suggested bidsites
should finally be chosen? My yard must

worth a fortune.

So what do you want?

I'd like to get into politics.

Somewhere for when you're dead. Get
bloody out!

You're nothing but a kid!

Bastard!

I'm trying to work it out.

Mary.

Let's stop Fleetwood then.

You don't know how to paint. Says who?

I can't believe he's back.

Well, can you?

Pot of paint, brush, brush, pot of
paint. I'm not expecting too many

difficulties.

St. Derek, eh?

You what? I'll give you a lift.

Well, that other stuff, St. Derek,
what's all that about?

It's what we called him. He's dead holy.

Bone licker.

Used to have a crucifix and a bottle of
Lourdes water in the back of the cab.

Then you better watch it. He'll not
stand any blaspheming. Yeah, you sort

yourself out while we all sit here and
see what turns up. I remember one day

that June or July was red hot and Nev
drinks his bottle of water he finds in

back of the cab.

I mean, it looked like normal water. Nev
never knew.

Derek went bloody wild.

Everything we've done up to now, Ken.

Everything we planned.

Don't start on me. You go and find your
mate Jono. Talk to him about bloody

loyalty. Hey, now it's been through
there.

Ah, come on, Jon. You want to point a
finger, point it at him.

He's all shattered, everything, not me.

You're hiding behind him, Ken.

I know what you're doing. Oh, yeah, is
that right? Hey, hey, that's enough.

What's done is done.

Ken's got a chance and he took it, now
don't blame him.

We've just got to find something, Sonny.

It don't matter whether we're together
or apart, as long as we're all earning.

Pokemobile's arrived.

Bundy!

Bernard! Dorothy put us on to this
fellow. What do you expect?

You ready, then?

Yeah. Well, get on, Lordy.

All right, Derek.

John.

You look well.

Right!

Couldn't stand the buggers, you know.
Derek used to fish himself.

We was always doing it, weren't we?

Yeah. Still funny.

Any road, Derek.

Pleased you could make some use out of
one or two of us.

Yeah, yeah, we'll see.

You sure you want all these? What did I
say?

Oh, you're stacked out, I just
thought... You don't bloody think I need

So load them up, stop wasting time.

Sir Neil for Barker.

If you need any more help, let me know,
won't you?

Right, then, where am I sitting? You'll
have to bike it.

You what?

Look, we're only just on the road.

Well, what's the matter with you, eh?
Oh, piss on, Neater. Now, there's the

address. Now, take their finger out,
will you?

Enjoy yourself, Ken.

Are you doing until what?

Look at him.

Marie, inventory.

Devs will want it tonight.

Christ, what are you going to do? Leave
him out there till he gets old and dies?

Marie, thank Christ. I know what you
want and I know what's gone off.

I do want to thank you lucky stars. The
coppers are the only ones round here

that can't put two and two together. It
were an accident.

Oh, not your fault, eh?

Like it weren't your fault that you
slapped us round face or started

like you were my lord and bloody master.

I need to talk. You need.

You, you, you. Well, forget it. Cos I
ain't going to come running now just cos

you need someone to tell you
everything's going to be all right.

It ain't going to be all right. That's
the truth. It ain't going to be all

unless you sort yourself out and decide
what's important in your sodding life.

Can we get started?

Ah, Nat Mubaka.

Mike Roberts.

Thanks for coming on board.

Right, start.

Welcome to the first meeting of the
Hepworth Millennium Games Committee.

And thank you, Gareth, and the council
for allowing us to use your facilities.

God knows, if your rates are the same as
mine, we probably own this place

several times over.

Now, the aim of this meeting is to elect
a stadium committee to look at several

sites for the main arena.

Sorry, Dougie, I've started. I thought
something must have dropped you. Nothing

that a bloody rocket down the corridor
won't fix.

Sodding land orders.

Here.

Have one of those. It will help
counteract the gas.

I've been suggesting a stadium
committee, and I'd like to propose Nath

as chair.

Bloody hellfire, it's this place. Oh,
it's this hand paper.

You can read.

I thought your gear's a landmark, you
know, that nearest big spot. I never

thought... Ah, well, you were wrong.

What happened then at all? Get knocked
off with someone?

No, it's the study natives. You want to
try asking directions.

Can barely talk, most of them. Yeah,
well, tomorrow don't text in it, Rick.

to be out of here about six every night
for services.

So what is it with this then, Derek? You
know, is it a speciality of yours or

something?

What are you talking about?

You know, we're churches.

Little Birdie's been a 'ing a word. Oh,
I see.

It must be like an alcoholic going to do
the inside of Yates's. I bet you leap

out of bed every morning with your
bloody song in your heart, don't you?

What are you doing with that?

I'm not leaving it out here. I've got to
get home.

You can't put that in there. Treat it
like a bloody bike shed.

Derek, this is the only thing I've got
to get around on now, and I'm not losing

it. Take it, bastard.

Who turned these tops?

I don't know. I can't see why they don't
save themselves a few quid and just let

it fall down.

Give the locals a bit of ammo to throw
at each other on a Friday night.

I want this place washing down.

Skirting boards, walls, palm leaves,
even light fittings. Get it clean and

I want it to be 10 .30.

Well, where are you going? Nothing of
bloody business, all right.

Hello?

Oh.

Oh, hello. Come in, come in. Don't
worry, I'm not stopping.

I just wanted to welcome you.

See you had everything you needed.

Oh, yes, yes, we're fine. Thank you,
Father. Fine.

Hello.

How do you do?

Oh, these are my assistants.

There's Ken and Bernard.

Is that your bike?

Oh, no. No, it's Ken's. Ken!

He's just about moved out, Father. Oh, I
wouldn't if I were you. It'll only get

stolen. We lost a hearse last week. It
was a short service, too.

I'll tell you something. If you were to
tell me that we're still biting the

heads off chickens and running around
naked at midnight round here, I would be

bit surprised. Damn bloody hell. Oh, I'm
sorry. No, excuse me. No, it's true. It

is.

It's not an ideal location.

Bandit country.

But we have hopes. That's the thing.
High hopes.

Congregation of 23 at the moment, I
know, but with the right improvement.

Burn it, you idiot. It's all right. I've
got it.

Oh, don't worry, Father. We'll sort
things out for you.

We'll do you a good job, you know. No
worries.

I know how much it means to you.

You're a Catholic yourself, aren't you?

Calling me Father.

I've never seen you down here.

No, well, I'm not practising any more,
Father.

I'm sorry.

Don't fret about Bernard, Father. He's
thick, but quick, and an asset, really.

Make sure we crack on.

Ah, I'm a good lad, I am.

I'm sure.

Well, best of luck.

Call me if you want anything.

Thank you, Father, thank you.

Come on.

Get this cleared up and let's get on.

Derek!

I've got some stuff due in town. Ah,
bollocks.

Your missus is keeping your side at bed
warm, isn't she? Promised you a second

elfin as long as you're back by nine,
you dirty sod.

She's dead, actually, my missus.

We need emery paper.

I'm sorry, I... Look, this is a proper
pissing job you're doing now.

Tint enough you can be up to your knees
in your shit all day and not complain.

Got to learn a few skills.

Maybe pass you by on bins.

I'll be back later.

How many of these do we have to do?

Well, it's 100 envelopes a pound, so
that's... 1 ,000 a day, that's a tenner.

5 ,000 a week, that's 50 quid.

Between us.

Well, it's impermanent. It's only for
the time being.

If something better crops up, we'll move
on.

What?

I'm sorry, John, I can't do this.

I mean, it was different when we were
all together, all mucking and having a

good time.

But this?

This is stupid.

What will you do, then?

Get a job.

Use my qualifications.

No.

You're right.

You should.

I would, if I were you.

What about your dad?

That's where I'd go.

I know you don't like to, but out's
better than out, isn't it?

I'll find something.

What the bloody hell's that?

Oh, I couldn't help it.

I never saw it.

Leave him. He ain't a bloody punchbag.

What were they doing? Stuck up there
asleep?

I can't keep going up and down here like
I'm sure for bleeding tensing, can I?

If you want an eye -keeping on him, you
ought to try hanging around for more

than five minutes before you piss off on
another errand. Don't speak to me like

that, you sod. I'm warning thee.

Anymore! Derek, you've given us a job.
I'm grateful. Thank you.

But any more of your warm and friendly
welcome bollocks, and I'm walking

so don't try frightening us with pithing
sack, all right?

All right, if I can, then.

Oh, yes. Come in, Father. Come in.

Look at that.

You've finished the freeze already.

Yeah, it's all right, Father.

Ken did that.

It's wonderful.

It looks... It's like a new one.

Well done.

Man of hidden talent.

You know, just need somebody to find the
right key. Give it a start.

Well, if it's going to happen anywhere,
it'll happen up there.

Michelangelo. He don't know who
Michelangelo is, Father.

Only a challenge he's ever heard of.
Play for Juventus.

I know who he is.

He's a painter, isn't he?

The Sistine Chapel in Rome.

Yeah, all right.

He lay on a scaffold like you to
complete his work.

Only it took him four years.

They didn't have robes in them days, did
they?

Do you know what I mean, Father? It's
wasted on him.

I told him. I said this to him earlier.
There's a certain type.

Listen, I guarantee if Michelangelo had
turned up at this Sistine place and all

they'd said to him was, oh, there you
go, mate, there's four and a half liters

of vinyl emulsion, try not to get any on
the floor, well, he'd assume give up

the ghost.

He'd have buggered off round the bookies
or gone off down the pub for a long

dinner. But he didn't.

That's the point.

He found inspiration.

His surroundings gave him strength
through all of his trials to realise his

vision. So, you're in pole position up
there.

Excellent.

Well, see you all tomorrow.

Good night, Father.

See you.

See you.

Mr. Parry.

Shit.

Oh, I am sorry. Let me ask you.

I'm printing drinks.

I know. I mean, right.

How do you do?

I've seen your picture in the papers.

The lads talk about you a lot.

Well, not rude or out, obviously.

Well, not obviously. They might, for all
I know.

It's not that you're not... Just it's
business, you know. Property.

I need to talk to you.

I want to buy the yard.

The owner has agreed terms, but you men
have certain right of tenure.

Hang on.

Nat's agreed?

Well, the yard's no use to him anymore.
You can see that.

Yeah, but... It makes sense for him to
do the deal, and it does for you men as

well. I bet your tongue's like a strip
of old chamois.

We're offering £10 ,000 as an extra
grant of payment in order that you give

your leasehold rights to the yard as of
the end of the month.

You'll be able to pay someone to do your
licking for you.

Well, that's very interesting, and I
appreciate you coming to tell me, but I

can't make a decision until I've
discussed it with the others.

Fair enough.

You're in charge.

Don't discuss it for too long, though. A
girl doesn't like to be kept waiting.

No, no, quite.

As fast as we can.

Mind you, I think it's safe to say, as
senior man and with

management experience, we'd want a
little bit more than that.

You know, if we were to consider it a
deal of this nature.

How much more?

Twelve. Twelve.

I think we could just about manage that.

Good. Well, I'll talk to the others and
get back to you.

That's excellent.

I'll be waiting.

It's more like God in Antarctica.

Don't worry about it.

Yeah? Come in here, quick.

What do you reckon?

Bloody hell.

I left the wrapping on the armchair so
you could open them.

It's been a struggle, mind.

They arrived 12 o 'clock.

When did you get them?

Powell's. They were having a sale.

50 % off.

That's good.

It should have been 3 ,000.

Got them for 1 ,500.

Plus he gave me a free tin of upholstery
cleaner.

1 ,500?

Bloody hell.

Still a lot, though, isn't it?

Well, it's not.

Not on today's prices.

I thought you'd be pleased.

No, I am. It's a bargain. I was just
thinking we're working that.

Things a bit uncertain, you know.

I thought you'd love them.

I thought I'd done well.

Hey, now.

Come on.

Diane.

Come on.

It's all right.

They're fantastic.

And even if they are a bit extravagant,
it don't matter.

I'm on the brink of a big deal.

I've been negotiating all day.

John. Not even told the boys.

I'm going to surprise them. But believe
me, it's worth more than a few quid.

Pay for them with a loose change.

Ken, about this morning.

Look at that.

What? A bit of dicking plaster in the
back of her heel.

Never get away with it in America.

What are you talking about?

Some bugger goes to the trouble to open
a place like this in Epworth. I mean,

all credit to him, but then he doesn't
let something like that happen. In

America, they'd have a foot inspection
before the girls started.

Guaranteed. Why America?

I was thinking about moving.

Land a bloody opportunity.

You're no good over there. You'd miss
all your mates.

Miss your mates won't make you stop
where you are, innit?

Don't rock the boat. They're the first
ones you've got to get bloody clear of.

See, everyone has this view of you,
don't they? You try and be different,

and change, no one will let you.

I'm pissed off with everyone thinking
that all I'm good for is lifting heavy

weights and twatting bits of metal.

The only reason I've never done out for
a living that were anything more than

just paying bills is because that's all
that's ever been on offer.

You know, you give something that really
gripped us, something that really got

hold of us, I tell you, I'd be a
different bloke.

Maybe you're right.

What? What you said about John.

When somebody behaves like that, they
change everything, don't they?

I mean, they make you think differently,
whether you want to or not.

I've decided to get a job.

A proper one.

With me dad.

It's all sorted out.

Your dad?

I thought... You always said... Yeah,
but you always said I was deaf not

advantage, so I am.

Starting straight away.

What, just like that?

New life.

What? You think I'm all mouth, don't
you? You think I'm all mouth and no

in trousers?

I'll show the bloody liar.

Suck it up, mate. Oh, don't piss about
then. Come on, get inside.

No more trouble from you today.

Bernard!

Bernard.

I thought I told thee...

Opportunity. Yeah, that's all it is.
Just A in the opportunity.

Ah, take white.

I always knew, you know, deep down, that
was as good as the next bloke. Better,

but you get hemmed in, don't you?

Arctic bloody white, six and a half
litres.

And look at that red.

Cardinal red.

I know what it's bloody called. I bought
it. I know what it cost and all. The

blue one quite right, but I thinned it
out with some water from the fountain.

It's near as damn it now.

What the bloody hell were you thinking?

I told you I wanted to do something,
something I could point to.

Ah, well, they can do that all right.
Come on, get up there with Leonardo.

I want that thing covering up. I'm not
going up there.

It's a bloody fresco.

I don't give a toss what it's got, it's
not staying. We're being paid to wash

that ceiling down, prime it and lather
it with trade emulsion. I'm in a pissing

hurry. Get up that ladder. I'm calling
the mum.

What the bloody hell's wrong with you,
eh? It's good, that is. What's your

pissing problem?

Look, this is not the bog walls of the
asolo. This is a church.

Well? You're not religious, are you?

Nor are you any more, I heard you say.

No, but I used to be, and it's wrong.

You know, I mean, it's like... Oh,

you dirty... I'm coming, Bernard.

You're all right, I'll do it.

All right, I'll not let you fall.

No, take him right.

Shut it.

Come on, come on, you're all right.

I've got you. You're all right, you're
all right.

I told you in the standard footage.

You're too high.

I know. I know that. But you're all
right now. You're fine now. Come on.

You're all right.

Oh.

Please be safe.

Hey, don't worry about it. It's all
right.

It's the spare overalls, isn't it, Van?

Go and put them on.

Take your time.

Too fat to fly, me.

Go down like a sack of chai.

Go on.

Happy.

It's staying.

It's not. It's going.

Is he all right?

Bernard. I saw him.

My God.

And can we draw your attention to
today's special McLean deal?

McLean's own multivitamin tablets with
desiccated leather and added content.

For only £4 .99.

I'm going towards an apple.

I'd, uh... I'd put that bottle of scotch
back if I were you.

Why? What's wrong with it?

No, no, no. The other one.

What other one?

Are you the star detective?

No. It is.

I was just... Wondering, young man, is
this Sherry? It's just that my eyes are

shagged, you know.

Yeah, down here.

Thank you. Thank you very much indeed.

Bless you.

What were you trying to do?

Oh, well, some had happened, that's all,
Father. A rush of blood.

I... Well, what you said, you know, I
felt... inspired.

Couldn't help me then.

It's amazing.

Yeah, what?

Well, to get up there and... It's
fantastic.

Aye. I used to do it.

Yes, it is.

Oh, I can't tell you.

Will it cost extra?

I mean, when I calculated the budget...
Oh, no, Father, no, he don't charge.

Don't worry, he's done that out of the
goodness of his heart.

Thank you.

And you will finish it?

Finish it?

I'm sorry, I've got to be out of here
for next Friday. I'll be letting other

people down.

I'm sorry.

I'll get you extra money.

You what?

I'm not normally a covetous man, but on
this occasion... I mean, can you imagine

when it's done?

You must let me arrange a photo with the
local paper.

The publicity.

If we can't whip up a few donations on
the strength of this.

Brilliant. Brilliant.

Well, lad, let's get back up there,
then, eh? Carry on with the complicated

stuff.

Hello?

Miss Stranks?

Christine?

John.

John Parry here, Christine.

Yes, come in.

Can I help you?

Don't know.

Is this place for sale?

Bollock! All right?

I know.

Thank you.

Bloody hell.

Speedy, you started early.

You be careful.

You'll end up adding something at this
rate.

I've done toenails. The main figure.

In there.

Any road. You can't go rushing these
things. Or every bugger would do it.

What about stubble? No top left.

Stubble'll look good.

And you've got one of your little jobs
to do. Or have you run out of places to

hide yourself?

Come on, Bernie.

Come on. Let's get cracking.

Piss in hell.

Right, right, come on.

I'm trying to sobbing concentrate.

Look, if you don't want to fank them,
don't pause for pictures. They've got

bloody rag.

All right, but don't touch out.

Big, isn't it?

Sorry.

How long's it going to take you?

Christ.

I'm only asking.

Right, that's it.

You've had a look. Now sod off. I'm
tired of work.

Go and get yourself a cup of tea or
something.

It's my pissing wallet.

Never mind. I had the bloody thing five
minutes ago.

You're all right. I'm not thirsty.

You little bat.

What's up?

What? Come here.

You old wallet.

Here, burn it.

I'll hold him if you like. You can hit
him.

Where is it?

Oh!

Shit.

Careful. Hey, what are you doing?

I'm in a chair.

Give us me bloody wallet. Ken!

He stole me bastard wallet. We're in
here.

Hey, can I hit him?

Hang on.

Not now.

Did it, bollocks.

Now, piss off. I don't want to see you
again.

Oh, come on. My mum will be back in an
hour.

She'll fret if I'm not here.

She's your getaway driver, is she?

Miracle?

I'm sorry.

Perhaps I should have said something
straight away. Too right you should.

What's happening?

Look, you can't deny everything that's
occurred here.

You suddenly being filled with a great
need to paint the ceiling at a time of

huge uncertainty for the church.

And?

It's all so unexpected, so hard to
explain.

I can explain it.

I wanted to paint the ceiling. I was
down the local go -go bar and I had this

urge, but there was no trumpets, no
lights, nothing, just what I had to do.

A compunction.

A calling.

Good God, Father, you believe it and
all, don't you?

Yes, I do.

Father, I'm divorced.

I never went to church as a lad.

The Exorcist, my favourite film. Do you
believe in God?

Eh?

Do you believe in God?

Well... Sometimes. Sometimes not.
Father, look at him. Short of having

hope tattooed across his forehead, you
couldn't get more godless than that. Why

the religious theme?

But it's a good picture, isn't it? It's
dramatic. It's saying something. Father,

look, he'd know. He'd know. He'd know if
it were out special.

God always chooses a simple,
uncomplicated person.

You're calling me thick.

A person with no religious axe to grind.
And through them shows even more

clearly his power to shape the world.

I've already informed the bishop.

But please, you mustn't let it affect
you.

Your only concern is to complete the
sealing.

You've gone for subtle, then?

Listen, I'll pay you, shall I?

Come on.

How are they, lad?

A pint of lemonade, howard.

A wee straw?

What do you do?

Get some water, turn it into ale?

Yeah, Ken!

All right, lads. Top of the bloody pot,
Ken.

Here, Vinnie, show him.

Look at that.

200 of them for 250 quid.

Not bad, eh?

We're going to bang them out at 7 .50 a
time. Make a packet.

Picture isn't perfect, but, bloody hell,
we aren't all artists, are we?

A couple of Ken Andrews, Howard. Aye.
Are you having one?

A Ken Andrews? You don't mind us using
your name, do you? Well, they're selling

a treat.

What are they? Cocktails.

He invented them. It's a creme de
menthe, chinzanzo, tea maria. One sip,

on your back.

What's up? Your mam not show us, am I?

Christ,

what's wrong with her?

Yeah,

yeah.

You want a pint?

Cheers. Howard. Hi.

Yeah, Ken.

Stan was saying there was an article in
the Argus. Said it could go as big as

Madame Tussauds. You know, with coverage
and that.

You can't tell, can you? Think of the
work, though.

This is just the beginning.

There's postcards and that.

Guided tours.

I mean, we know the place, don't we?
Yeah, I suppose so. Bloody crazy.

Listen, if it gets us off the rock and
roll.

Talks not in true.

It ain't right.

What are you talking about?

Him. I don't know what he's doing. He's
filling his boots.

He does half of it in a day, and then he
spends twice as long giving them armpit

hair. He's taking the piss!

Yeah.

Depends what you're flogging them in
first place, don't they, then?

Ken. Ken, I, er...

I need a word.

What's up?

Outside, if you don't mind.

We looked for you at the church, Kev.
Bloody impressive, all that.

John, what's wrong? You're acting
tapped.

Dragged me out of work.

Went down a storm.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, lads, but I wanted
to get you together before I, yeah... I

pulled it off.

What are you talking about?

A coup. A bloody coup, that's what. With
the yard.

I made a deal. It's going to look after
us all.

What happened?

Stranks pulled up, said she wanted to
buy the place for property.

Sonil's old man's already agreed.

Only we're sitting tenants. So Stranks
got to settle with us separate.

Offers us ten grand.

Ten thousand?

I said no.

We wanted twelve.

She says yes, I say we'll think about
it, having already decided sort of

executively it were bloody fine anyway.

Only then, the actual morning, I'm
supposed to phone Stranks to secure the

this other bloke pulls up, called Hod,
who's this builder, and says he's

interested in the yard.

And you tell him 12's already on the
table? Correct.

He's offered 15.

Bloody bollocks.

And the best of it is, Hod wants us to
stay put. It's like a regular tactic, so

if any rival development starts up round
there, he's already got a spanner in

the works stopping it.

So what have you said to Strains?

I haven't said out.

I'll wait till she rings and then I'll
say she's been gazumped. No, bollocks,

John. Get back to her. Tell her there's
another offer on the table. It's up to

15. Bump the price up some more. You've
got your son in the driving seat now,

haven't you?

Yeah, I have.

Right, I will do, then.

Nice one, you old bugger. You never
forget.

Wheel of dealering.

What's up, Sonny?

What's wrong?

Where are you going?

Come on, we've got to celebrate.

Son, you're coming, aren't you? A couple
of beers?

No, John, you're all right. I've still
got a load of work to do.

Marie? What are you doing here?

Came for a look.

Seen a picture in paper.

We have business on the estate.

12 pair of handcuffs.

You'd think to be sick of the sight of
them round here, wouldn't you?

Bloody hell, Ken.

I can't believe it.

Only artist I ever had you down for was
a piss artist.

He looks different, close up.

John all right, is he?

I don't know.

I am sinning for a while.

And I don't bloody want to, neither.

This was supposed to cheer her up, you
prat. Take her mind off everything.

I'm sorry.

Bollocks.

It were an accident, all right.

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, you
know.

It just gets you down a bit, you know.

Someone going on about how shitty the
world is 24 hours a day, and nothing

and everything's false, bloody promises,
and it starts to affect you, you know.

I mean, I know it's daft, but you've
just got to keep telling yourself that

things do work out sometimes, you know.

Things you want, aren't they?

Well, they do, though, don't they?

Work out.

Sometimes.

Yeah, of course they do.

I know this is... Well, you know, I know
we've seen each other around and that,

but we ain't spoken proper since... Long
time ago, Sharon.

Yeah, I know, but I just wanted to say
that I'm glad we're speaking, you know.

God, I can always tell you things.

Do you want to know something?

Seeing as how we're talking.

What?

I can't finish the ceiling.

I just wanted you to know.

I can't finish it.

I don't know what it looks like, the
rest of it.

Yeah, but how would you... Oh, yeah.

Theme from the South Bank show.

Off the telly.

Yeah,

I got it one Christmas.

That's the picture of the show at the
beginning of the programme.

Like this white on the sleeve.

That's the only bit I know.

But what do they want any more for,
anyway? I mean, why can't they be happy

what they've got?

It's a good picture, isn't it?

But, oh, no, they've got to have more.

Like bloody vultures.

Can't you find out, you know, what the
rest of it looks like? Well, why should

I?

I mean, that's my point.

I mean, I've given my bloody good
picture.

But... Tell them then. Tell them that
you can't do no more. I mean, you can't

spend the rest of your life up in bloody
ladders.

Bollocks. I'm having laughing at me.
Pointing fingers. No bloody way.

Don't fret, you senor.

I'll sort something out. Just needed to
tell someone, that's all.

Never start what you can't finish.

That's the rule in scrapping.

I know about that.

Oh, goodness sakes me.

I've stood by the men of the past.

Don't question my decision now.

In any case, they'll still reach a
favourable set. It's the principle.

You should have discussed whether to
sell the yard in the first place. You

to me about principles. Why?

Because it's the truth. No, because
you've got no right.

I came across from India in 1956, and I
had nothing.

Do you understand?

Nothing. Except an address and the
willingness to work all hours

Now, I've made a success of my life, and
I'm trying to maintain it.

On occasion, I do admit, principles were
not at the top of my agenda.

But remember...

you're able to exercise your privately
tutored brain beside a rather expensive

car, which will take you home from a
specially created job, not because of

failure on my part to observe certain
principles, but because I got up early,

and I sweated, and I slogged until my
hands bled.

Now, you will grow up soon.

I want you to earn my respect.

Fair enough.

I'm sorry, you're right.

Which is why I'm going to make sure the
lads don't touch Trancy's offer with a

barge pole.

I'm going to make sure they screw the
sort of deal out of that yard that even

you'd be proud of.

I need help.

Um, me mate, he died

today.

I mean, the thing is, it was my fault.

I made him do the thing that killed him.

No one understands that I've got.

I've been robbing.

I've hit my missus.

I've got the devil inside me.
Something's going to kill me unless you

What should I do?

I'm sorry, I don't think you understand.

Did you not hear me?

I need help.

I mean, that's why I've come.

You know, I've seen it in the films and
that.

You'll be able to sort us out, won't
you?

Christ, what's wrong with you?

You're not Catholic.

I'm not anything.

I mean, does it matter?

It does. I... Look, have you thought
about the Samaritans?

I don't want the Pithian Samaritans.
It's inside, you know, like, deep down.

But you're not a Catholic. You've just
said that.

I'm not allowed.

Allowed?

That's bollocks.

You can't, can you?

It's not that.

I've gone too far.

All I've done.

I mean, I bet you're fine with lads
swearing or pulling out the cocks when

shouldn't.

Pissing it up with the housekeeping,
but... I was serious.

You can't do it, can you?

Please, wait.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you very much.

Oh, I do love being looked after.

It's not bad in here, is it?

It's expensive.

Are you rich?

Some last broadly, then. Said she might
pop back later.

Watch out.

Shut up.

Shut up and piss off, will you?

All of you.

What, so proud asking you to get a shift
in case they die before you've done?

Bugger off, will you, Derek? I'm just
trying to finish it. No, you're not.

You're shafting all them people. That's
what you're doing.

Piss off!

You're just bloody jealous, aren't you?
That's what it is.

That some folk can come into a church
and still get something out of it. Ah,

ignorant sod.

And you eat me because I've helped them.

No wonder you don't believe in God no
more.

You are a miserable old bastard who's
jealous of anyone with a heartbeat.

You don't believe in anything stupid.
Oh, go on, sit down. Go on, over there.

on, over there. Go on, sit down.

You've got me all wrong, Dad. I haven't
given up on God.

I just give up on that kind, loving one
that's all because I've seen what he

does. I'm old enough.

Look, you, you get up there, you join up
the bloody dots. What then, eh? What

happens, eh? They're all in here, aren't
they?

Priests and bishops pissing themselves
with excitement and they're turning

to them poor bastards outside and
telling them that God is there, looking

for them, giving them this sign.

Well, I'm sure he is there, but not
where they're flogging them. Where you

he's there, all right. Oh, he's there,
licking his lips, rubbing his hands,

waiting to its living daylights at our
next poor pisser.

What are you talking about? Don't you
tell me what I believe and what I don't

believe. I've seen God.

I've seen him.

I've seen what he does.

He killed my missus.

She was only 30.

And... He gave me that.

Hallelujah.

Yours? But what about his dad, Dulcy's
old man?

Well, I don't know what he would like.

Plenty of opportunities.

That's why we got the pissing job.

I'd always liked Dulcy.

She, like me, never felt guilty.

My missus were dead and...

Her old man never cherished her.

Reckon we was entitled to our little bit
of happiness.

What was I given, eh?

What a bastard.

All that power.

All them choices.

Perfection at your fingertips.

You create a sewer.

I never...

You should have told me. All the aggro.
Oh, I don't know.

Not the kind of thing you feel like
chatting about too often.

Come on, get it finished, Ken.

I won't get out of here.

I can't.

I can't finish it.

Why can't you?

I'm not good enough.

It's brilliant.

It's bloody brilliant.

Me, I... I just wanted to do something.

Something I could...

What's up?

She told us.

About you and him.

I see.

You'd better get home, Derek.

Turn it up there.

It's Wednesday.

Blue Peter. Now.

Years I've known you.

You should have told me.

I'm sorry, love.

But what good would it have done?

It would have prepared me for how things
are.

Oh, it wanted fault.

Poor bugger. In, pup.

Ken.

I loved our baby.

And he didn't know how to. It's awful,
that.

You're just making excuses for him. No.

I mean, he acted to go off with him.

Even after Bernard were born, you know.

But his heart just wasn't in it.

Soddy's bloody heart?

You should have given him what for,
Dulcie. You should have been shouting it

from the sodding rooftops the way he
treated you instead of covering it all

What are you talking about, Ken?

I'm talking about telling the truth.

You know, like, you get born, you get
stuck, you grow old and you die, at

you do round here, but no bugger ever
says, this is how it is, it's

Well, the least we can do is admit it.

You know your trouble.

You've got no bloody forgiveness in you,
Ken.

Which is why I object to you coming
round here and telling me I should be

moaning and bloody wailing about what's
happened to me.

You take what you're given, Ken.

You take a count and you make it fit.

And you never, ever give up hope.

Because that's like saying you can't be
blessed.

Which isn't my experience.

Which especially isn't my experience
with Eric.

Oh, that'll give us the thing I'm most
proud of in the whole world. It'll give

us the thing I live for.

And that's in spite of everything.

Do you understand me, Ken?

I'm packing the job in, Dulcey.

Bernard will need someone else to look
after him.

What?

You can't, Dob. You haven't finished
your painting.

Oh, Dulcey.

That painting.

Let me tell you something about that
painting.

I've had a revelation.

It's a waste of space.

It's rubbish.

I'm covering it over first thing at
morning.

I wish I'd never started the bloody
thing.

Put your sodding tongue away!

Be that desperate, go to the boss in a
wank!

Bust it!

Stop!

Kill him!

but man.

Yes, John Parry, sir.

Nev.

No, no, I thought you were someone else.
How are you doing?

Bloody hell.

No, I can't.

I'm going to cover it. No.

Sod it. Sod death. No, no, no, Ken,
please.

Me mates.

Him. He climbed up there. Bloody Bernard
did.

Big lads.

Eight sites. He bloody got up there
somehow.

Bernard, you are... All night.

With paints.

And a bulb.

Right up there again.

Bloody hellfire.

You know what that is, don't you?

Don't foxy.

You've got to have foxy.

Yeah, yeah, you have.

But of all the lads, kid, it must have
been shitting.

Morning, morning.

Just checking.

My God, what's happened?

It was burning.

Look at it.

What? Well, it's all been changed. It
was the Sistine ceiling, and now...

It's... A fella told me to do it.

What?

A fella did.

He told me to do it. Like that.

What fella?

With wings.

A frisbee on his head.

Blew a trumpet.

He told us to finish it like that.

Oh, my God.

He told us to finish it for Ken.

Said Ken were done.

The light started flashing.

Lenny said that were your lot.

Light? Aye.

Bright as buggery.

Twice blessed.

I'm going to ring the bishop. Oh, my
God.

I'll be as quick as I can.

A frisbee.

Trumpets.

Bloody hell, Bernard.

You're a good lad.

What?

You've got to sign it, Ken.

What are you talking about?

You've got to sign it.

He's concealed it.

I tried knocking.

What happened?

Trouble.

Or a change.

What are you doing?

Get up.

What do you mean?

What's happening?

What are you doing here?

I need you.

The ceiling. The one I did.

Bernard's helped out.

Bloody brilliant.

Painted us, the lads.

You want a picture?

Underneath.

Ken, it's me you're talking to. I know
who the bloody hell you are.

Now get off your arse.

Yeah, but... I know what you did, Jono.

Bad things.

The worst.

And it were your own doing.

Acting like a prat.

Now you know what's the other side of
the door.

Don't go wandering through again.

So, do you forgive me?

Are you sorry?

Look, I told you, just press that.

Don't fiddle with that thing, you sack
of... All right.

Is that it?

Hang on.

Where the sod in hell is he?

Bloody hell, John.

Beg pardon, I've got a call.

Nev.

He's getting married this weekend.