Original subtitles

Isn't it too early for that?

No. They're only a few weeks until graduation.

And I have to spend the rest of my after school in detention.

Good.

I'm sorry, but you deserve it.

Y 'all didn't shut your boobs for money.

Where have you been anyway?

A whole week off so they could prepare the school after the fire. I didn't see

one. Oh.

I bet she was with Jonah.

Yes, but we were just writing songs.

Okay, maybe I have a giant crush on him, but I'm not acting on it.

I just broke up with Drew.

Hey.

Hi, Jonah.

What the heck?

Cell phones are no longer allowed on school property, so please put them in

box and you will get them back at the end of the day.

And they're installing security cameras everywhere. It's all part of the new

principal crackdown. New principal?

What happened to Simpson?

Not sure. Suspension, I think. But he's out and Miss Hill is in.

Aw, shucks. I'm really going to miss that guy.

As your new principal, I am committed to making Degrassi a safe space.

I'm also instituting a ban on public displays of affection.

This includes hugging, kissing, and holding hands. If you have any questions

about these rules, please see a teacher or a designated hall monitor.

You'll know who they are based on the yellow cards on their lanyards. This is

Oliver in 1984, Big Brother.

Finally, all extracurriculars have to be approved by myself along with student

council. We'll be hearing the first set of proposals today at lunch.

Thank you. So we're basically living under a fascist regime for the last few

weeks of high school.

Oh, great.

Rules are important.

They keep us from making mistakes.

How do you think that's going to go?

Becky Baker caught between two guys. I have no earthly idea.

Take the time

to familiarize yourself with the new code of conduct, please.

What do you guys think happened to Mr. Simpson?

Maybe he's lying on a beach somewhere.

Or maybe there's a rubber room for principals.

Yeah, where they put you if your students send naked pictures or try to

school down.

And this new principal, she's a bitter pill to swallow, am I right?

Oh, that's cute.

My old sidekick is trying to be funny.

Hey. Hey, he's lots more than my sidekick.

He's also my sister's boyfriend, and he's hilarious.

Hold on, did you hear that? My old sister's boyfriend is hilarious.

Hey, I'm just messing around. Don't let it get to you.

Dead to me. No way. I love being your sidekick.

Well, we'd like to host a weekly lunchtime variety show to showcase all

talent at the school.

All extracurriculars need a staff advisor.

I already got one lined up.

We think it's really important to showcase the students at Degrassi who

doing things right.

And it would just be you two doing the planning together?

Yeah, absolutely.

We're a team.

Where would you be doing this planning?

Probably my house.

Yeah, we don't really want to, you know, like, get anyone else involved.

Not even your girlfriend?

I don't have a girlfriend.

And I'm not sure that's relevant.

I just need to know if Joan is easily distracted.

Okay, let's move on to logistics.

Um, we thought we could hold it in the cafeteria.

The show would start 15 minutes after lunch begins, which would allow any

students who needed to get food to do so.

I took all the heat with the police for a chat, and now I have a million lawyer

meetings while I wait for sentencing.

Wait, sentencing?

Like you could go to jail?

And the rest of the girls only got detention.

How is that fair?

I told the police I was the ringleader, which I was.

So, like I said, I think I can handle a little detention.

Halo, look on the bright side. We could be in actual prison.

They took away our cell phones.

It's like my best friend died.

You're still really mad at me?

For the record, I loved your business.

Very entrepreneurial.

Can we not?

I've kind of had enough for one day. Oh, the child pornographer doesn't want to

talk about it?

It's not... Never mind.

You're not even worth it.

You think I'm funny, right?

You're hilarious.

Now please kiss me to distract me from my dumb parents and their dumb divorce.

Like Louis C .K. Hilarious or Carrot Top Hilarious?

Hey, what's going on?

That Miss Pill joke, while not my finest work, was at least worth a chuckle.

Is this still about what happened in class this morning?

Look, Miles is the handsome rich kid. Zig is the rebel without a cause. And

the funny guy.

But now if no one laughs at my jokes...

What is this?

Nothing.

Just put some John Legend on it and we can get back to it. This is you. What is

this?

This is a song from the first act of my musical

about a shape -shifting Asian superhero named Captain Who.

Can we kiss now?

This is amazing.

We have to do this at school. I've been looking for something to keep me out of

the house. I said I wanted to be the funny guy, not the musical guy.

Okay then, mister.

What's your plan to cement your position as Degrassi's resident comedian?

Don't know yet, but I refuse to be an Andrew Lloyd wannabe.

That was a joke.

Is lunchtime variety hour a dorky name?

Maybe so dorky it's not dorky.

I guess you didn't see the list.

Of the approved activities, it's us?

And we're not on it? Sorry, Bex. What gives? Our pitch was solid.

Okay, just tell me.

Don't do that thing where you guys know exactly what the other is saying because

you have secret lesbian telepathy.

Oh, my God. Wouldn't that be awesome?

Focus.

Drew denied your request because he's jealous of you and Jonah.

But there's nothing going on between us.

Drew's not blind.

He can see there is sexiness between you two.

And for the record, I fully support it. Boy's super cute. And bonus, he's

totally Christian.

She's still into you. So go ask him to approve your idea, and this time... be

a little nicer.

I already was really nice. I'm always really nice.

Okay.

Nicer. Mm -hmm.

I shouldn't have seen those cheerleading uniforms in the hall.

Right? It looked so cute in mine.

Um, ew!

Okay,

we need to do something about this Joker.

Leave us out of this. Last time we followed you, look what happened.

I feel horrible. I'm the reason you guys are in here getting bothered by that

creepo. Then find a way to make it up to us.

This pill wanted me to put up these posters of all the new rules.

Listen, I wanted to talk to you about why you didn't approve my variety show.

Yeah, right. I didn't think it was the right fit.

Look,

this isn't about Jonah, is it?

What do you want me to say, Becky? All right, I just don't trust a dude in

eyeliner. Look, I think you have the wrong idea about me and Jonah.

I don't care.

Look, we're strictly musical partners.

Okay?

I mean...

Honestly.

How could he ever stack up against your Taurus?

Your hair smells really good.

If there's any way you can make the variety show happen, it would mean so

to me.

It's possible I could have been a little bit hasty in my decision -making.

Because I really, really...

Maybe we could hang out sometime.

Absolutely.

I

take

it your talk with Drew went well? Yes. I can't believe how many people signed

up. Hey, beautiful.

Can't wait to see you kick ass on stage today.

Thanks.

Okay, what now?

I talked too nicely, just like you said. I even used my boobs, just like you

said. Okay, we talked last night and decided the advice we gave you may have

been a little ill -advised.

Okay, you guys really need to tell me these things.

It's just, you can't pretend to like Drew forever.

Why the heck not?

I've always done the right thing, and where has that gotten me? Nowhere. I

thought you said the rules keep you from making mistakes.

Maybe, but apparently they also keep you from all the good stuff, too. So, screw

that. Oh, you're cute when you're mad.

But watch out.

Breaking rules tends to come with consequences.

There you are.

Where have you been? I've been in desperate need of your sage advice. I

you said to meet in the garden.

How do people do anything before cell phones? I have no idea.

Okay, what am I going to do about this creep, Damon?

Okay, so you could call him, pretending to be a doctor,

and tell him he has HPV.

Gross, Tris.

It's my fault the cheerleaders have to put up with him, and I need to figure

a way to make him stop.

You've got to embarrass him in his own house.

I don't know.

I've messed up enough this year, and I don't want to get into more trouble,

especially under the new regime.

Well, then you better find a way to make nice with your new buddy, Damon.

What's the deal with text messages, am I right?

Okay. I did some Googling last night, and here are some cool, funny people who

have done musicals. There's Jon Hamm, Hugh Jackman, Neil Patrick Harris. I

talk right now. I'm about to do my stand -up routine.

What?

Week one.

Thank you.

And now for the comedic stylings of Winston, too.

Wish me luck.

Degrassi, how are we today?

Managing okay without our cell phone?

Ew.

That's what I thought. I guess we have our talented power cheer team to thank

for this regime change.

Thanks a lot, ladies.

I mean, how else am I supposed to avoid talking to ugly people in the hallway? I

can't just pretend to answer my math textbook.

But seriously, I'm missing all those texts from my girlfriend.

Why didn't you text me back? I saw you checking out that other girl. Do I look

fat in this?

No, I'm just playing. My girlfriends have got it. And guys don't sweat,

They glisten. My girlfriend glistens all right. She glistens right through her

shirt.

That's all for today, folks. You've been great.

Wasn't that awesome?

How could you embarrass me like that? What? I never said your name.

I'm your girlfriend. Everyone just assumed you were talking about me. I was

playing a character. All stand -ups do it this time.

They love me. Did you hear all the laughs I got? They were all at my

you don't even care.

Wait, that's not true.

Yes, it is.

You'd rather be the funny guy than a good boyfriend.

What's wrong with wanting to be the funny guy?

You hurt me to do it.

Which makes you the loser.

You were amazing.

Um, we shouldn't.

We don't want to get in trouble with Big Brother.

Yeah, we wouldn't want to upset anyone.

You look like I did when my hamsters died.

That's right, both of them.

I'm a total screw -up.

Frankie hated my stand -up. But you were hilarious.

Especially that part about pretending to be on the phone. I do that all the

time. Yeah.

I like that one, too.

She didn't even understand why I wanted to do it in the first place.

You want people to think you're the funny one.

Yeah.

Exactly.

Just like Frankie's the smart one, Shade's the confident one, and I'm the

one.

It's okay. It's just the way it is.

I'll never be cool like Miles or a badass like Zig.

So if I'm not even the funny guy, then maybe I am the loser.

No way. You're Winston, who's totally thoughtful and nice, and even though he

doesn't think so, hilarious.

Really? No one can make me laugh like you.

So you don't think I'm a loser?

I think you're awesome, and someday everyone else will think so, too. I know

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, what did I do?

You kissed? Because you said I wasn't a loser.

I am a loser.

I am such a loser.

We have to tell Frankie. No.

Frankie can never know about this.

Promise me, please.

I have to go to detention.

Oh, come on, girl. Don't play me like that. I said leave me alone.

So I can't pay a little higher like you a compliment?

I'm just trying to be nice.

What the

hell?

Oh, no.

Looks like you had an accident.

Maybe you should go home so your mommy can clean you up.

These were brand new pants.

Well, maybe now you'll stop with the spitballs.

You're a nightmare.

No wonder these girls hate you.

Hey, guys, remember, PDA's gonna lend you a one -way ticket to detention,

Hey, I never got to tell you how great you sounded.

Thanks.

Um, listen, I was thinking... I was thinking that maybe we could hang out

tonight.

Drew. There are no rules about PDA in the Taurus basement.

I can't.

Look, Becky, I know things got messy between us.

I would love a chance to make them right. I don't like you.

I mean, I did.

But I don't anymore.

I flirted with you so you'd approve the variety show.

I'm sorry, what? I knew you said no because you were jealous of me and

So there is something going on between you two. That's not the point.

I felt bad about using you, and that's why I wanted to tell you the truth.

Oh, now you want to tell the truth. Everything okay?

Stay out of the guy -liner. No need to be insulting.

Drew!

What's going on over there?

I was trying to enforce the new rules when I caught these two making out on

stairwell, which is a direct violation of the rules outlined in these flyers.

What? Okay, that's not true.

Yeah, he's lying.

I'd like to see you both in my office now.

What's this?

It's the script to Captain Who.

You were right. My stand -up was totally offensive.

I was worried about what everyone else thought when really you're the only

person whose opinion I care about.

We should totally do the musical.

Unless you hate me now.

I'm so, so sorry.

I'm sorry too.

For what?

You have nothing to be sorry about.

For calling you a loser.

You are the funny guy.

You're my funny guy.

Was everything okay?

Absolutely.

Totally.

Ever better.

You're a total crap.

Detention for a week? Our variety show got canceled and we didn't even do

anything. You're lucky the security cameras aren't working yet. Look on the

bright side.

Really great songs get written in prison.

Fine, I led you on when I really liked you, but then I came clean. Why is it

that whenever I follow the rules, things just get worse?

What?

You liked me.

Yeah.

And I didn't kiss you when I wanted to because I wasn't compared to Drew, but

look where that got us.

What a ripoff.

I get in trouble for kissing you, and I don't even get to actually do it.

Well, that would be a rip -off.

Wouldn't it?

That's a good look on you.

Maybe you'll start a trend.

Too bad you're such a bitch.

You're totally hot.

No need to get nasty.

I liked you better and you were just boobs that couldn't talk.

Okay, get away from the tree.

So you can dish it up but can't take it?

Come on, man. All right, you heard her. Just back off.

You want to make me? Okay, Zig, it's okay. I can handle him. Yeah, but you

shouldn't have to.

Just get out of here, man.

Oh, look at you, Ziggy boy.

Acting all tough with your new friend.

Hey, no one touches my... Guys, stop it!

Guys, stop!

Come on.

I can make it through.

And if I hold out, I know I can make it through.

I know I can make it through.